


I Don't Know You Anymore

by LisaMack



Series: Gimme that strange relationship Never felt pleasure and pain like this [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-01-24 21:31:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 293,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1617752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaMack/pseuds/LisaMack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part Three in the Addy/Dean series roughly following Season 6 onward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Would Like to Visit You For a While

"So, all of this is really mine?" Toby asked from his spot on the couch in the den while watching Dean pace in the room.

"Yeah," his father muttered in response almost absentmindedly.

"Dad…? Dad?" The teen questioned loudly in an attempt to get Dean's attention and have him join the conversation.

"Huh? Oh… Sorry… Sorry Toby… Yeah… Yeah, when you turn eighteen, all of this will be yours. But don't forget," Dean started with mischief in his tone before he found a seat beside Toby. "And Phantom is all yours in a little over two years."

Toby let out a sorrowful laugh and agreed, "Yeah."

They sat there in silence as Dean idly flipped through some of the journals that hadn't made it back into their boxes to be put away for safe keeping. The house was eerily quiet and it felt so empty right now. Even though Dean knew that he still had his son in his life, he felt alone. As he sat there acknowledging his feelings of loss, he felt a tear trickle down his cheek , but swiftly swiped it away before Toby had a chance to notice that his father had been reduced to tears right now.

The father/son duo had been working for nearly two days now to pack up the house so that it could be left somewhat vacant until they decided what would be done with it. 'The Last Will and Testament of Adelaide Victoria Jones' stated that Tobias Jonathan Connor was to make all of the decisions regarding the house, its contents and (of course) her car. They had spent nearly 48 hours, non-stop, together and Toby was starting to feel weirdly self-conscious around his father because Dean refused to look him in the eye… that was if Dean looked at him at all.

For a brief moment, Toby stared at the side of Dean's head with a false hope that he could force some sort of eye contact between the two of them. When Dean's only response was to continue packing yearbooks and journals neatly into boxes, he let it go. He stored his feelings of hurt away just like he had learned that a true Winchester man was supposed to. Instead, he turned his attention back to the letter that his mother's lawyer had given him the day of the funeral. It still made him chuckle softly because the words must have been written nearly half a decade ago. The sentiment in the letter gave him the impression that they were put to paper back before he was aware that he had Winchester or Jones blood coursing through his veins.

Dean overheard his soft laughter and without turning around asked, "Dare I ask what's so funny?"

"I was so mad at her for keeping her secret from me, but deep down she always wanted me to know… Mom had finally convinced her that it would be a good idea… I was mad for nothing… Hey dad?" Toby started tentatively. "Can I ask you something?"

Dean was taping up and labeling the boxes they had already packed and didn't stop while answering, "Sure Buddy, what's on your mind?"

"Do you… Umm… Do you think Mum knew how much I really loved her? And… And that I could never actually hate her like she thought I did for keeping you two a secret from me?"

For the first time that day, Dean ceased all movement. His shoulders slumped forward dejectedly as he tried to compose himself. He moved slowly, each action more deliberate than the previous one. By the time he was ready to turn around once again; he couldn't help but look up at Toby's face because he could hear his son quietly sobbing.

"I know… You don't want to be around me either… I shouldn't have asked so… It's… It's fine Dad, you don't have to answer. No worries."

Dean nearly jumped to his feet and was seated beside the young teen within seconds. He tried to wrap Toby in a hug but was immediately pushed away.

"Don't… Don't pretend… Mum said that when you died she couldn't stand to look at me, so I know… You can't either… Just… Well… At least she had the decency to stay away until she could," Toby explained with a wretchedly sad tone through his tears.

"I'm sorry Toby, really I am. I don't think… I haven't meant to… I'm sorry. This is just a lot for me to take in and I'm not used to… I'm sorry," Dean apologized as honestly as he could.

After Dean reached over and held Toby's hand, Toby looked up at him and they finally made the eye contact that the young boy craved. "And I think she used the term 'couldn't bear to look at you'. She knew that she would breakdown and she didn't want to be unfair to you… As for me… Buddy, I'm not intentionally avoiding you. I just really need to keep busy right now. It's how I handle things, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Oh… Okay… I guess I didn't… Yeah," Toby awkwardly replied. "I was thinking that I would go pack upstairs, if that's okay with you."

"Sure Buddy. There are extra boxes by the stairs… Just yell down if you need any help with anything, okay son?"

Toby was nearly out the door as Dean finished his statement, but he still made sure to nod before continuing to the stairs. Once Dean was alone, he relaxed into the couch and just sat there for a moment. He closed his eyes taking in a few deep breaths and swore that he could still smell the familiar scent of her perfume lingering in the air.

 _Damn it Lay! I don't know what I'm doing here!_ He thought to himself sadly. _I don't know what the fuck I should say to Toby. I need you here. I don't want to make things worse for him._

The same day that Toby had received a letter from his birth-mother, Dean had received one as well. It was still sealed and tucked away in her… Well his jacket pocket. (Toby had insisted that Dean keep the sage colored army jacket his mother had inherited from her grandfather because Toby insisted that it fit Dean like a glove, so it was meant for him.) He was confident that Toby would be preoccupied in his room for a while so Dean put on his coat and slipped out to the garage to attempt reading it yet again in the hopes that he wouldn't chicken out this time.

To further ensure his privacy (not that it was needed), Dean sat in the backseat of the 1967 GTO that he had pain-stikingly restored to its former beauty but now it sat, ignored, in the garage. He pulled out the white envelope with the neat, black, block letter inscription:

"DEAN WINCHESTER  
C/O ROBERT SINGER  
SINGER SALVAGE YARD  
2156 WESTHAM ROAD  
SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA  
57117"

Unconsciously he shook it again to test its weight, trying to determine what was inside with the letter. Since Toby had allowed him to read the letter addressed to him, Dean assumed that his letter was written at the same period of time. He tried to imagine where he was this time five years ago and shuddered because she had most likely written it not knowing that there was little to no chance that he would receive it, given where he was back then.

 _Alright, you've put this off long enough;_ he scolded himself before carefully ripping the envelope open.

As he pulled the piece of paper out, a small silver key dropped into his lap. He lifted it up into the light and flipped it over a couple of times, but found no clue what it belonged to except for a small "33" engraved on one side.

While he held it out skeptically in one hand, he held out the accompanying letter out with the other. Dean had expected a short message telling him what the key opened, but instead the words from her filled the entire page.

"DEAN,  
  
FIRST, THANK YOU FOR EVEN OPENING THIS. I WASN'T SURE THAT YOU WOULD. I FEEL KIND OF STUPID ACTUALLY WRITING THIS OUT, BUT IF THIS IS IN YOUR HANDS THEN IT MEANS THAT I'M DEAD. (SORRY! I KNOW IT'S DISGUSTINGLY CLICHÉ, BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.)  
I KNOW MY CONTACTING YOU MAY SEEM COMPLETELY OUT OF LEFT FIELD, BUT THIS REALLY IS SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO… EVEN IF I'M EIGHT YEARS TOO LATE. BUT, BACK THEN I WAS TOO HURT, TOO ANGRY, TOO CONFUSED, TOO STUPID AND TOO STUBBORN TO EXPLAIN… APOLOGIZE… WELL, FRANKLY TO DO THE RIGHT THING. So FOR THAT I AM TRULY SORRY…   
  
DEAN, I AM SO SORRY THAT I LEFT THINGS WITH YOU THE WAY THAT I DID. I NEVER WANTED TO DIE WITH ANY REGRETS, BUT I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR WHAT A BITCH I WAS TO YOU. I WAS DEALING WITH SOMETHING BACK THEN THAT I NOW REALIZE COULD HAVE PRETTY MUCH BEEN RESOLVED IF I HAD JUST BEEN HONEST WITH YOU. (AT LEAST I THINK THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THAT EASY.)  
THE KEY THAT I'VE ENCLOSED BELONGS TO A SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX AT THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK IN KIDDER, IOWA. FOR THE RECORD, WHAT YOU WILL FIND IN THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I HAD ALWAYS INTENDED FOR YOU TO HAVE. BUT, PLEASE DON'T FEEL OBLIGATED TO KEEP IT… HOWEVER… IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO KEEP IT, I WOULD ASK ONE FAVOR OF YOU. (I KNOW I HAVE NO RIGHT TO, BUT CONSIDER IT MY PLEA TO MAKE AMENDS… OR MY DYING WISH… OR WHATEVER ELSE WILL GET YOU THERE.) IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KEEP IT, PLEASE VISIT MAUREEN AND WILLIAM CONNOR. (YOU SHOULD REMEMBER THEM AS MY AUNTIE MO AND UNCLE BILL. I'M SURE THAT IF YOU CALL AHEAD, MO WILL HAVE ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE PIES WAITING FOR YOU.) I WOULD REALLY LIKE YOU TO MEET THEIR… THEIR… YOU SHOULD MEET TOBY.  
  
ACTUALLY, HIS NAME IS TOBIAS JONATHAN CONNOR… I THOUGHT THAT THIS WOULD BE EASY TO WRITE OUT TO YOU, BUT IT'S NOT.  
NINE YEARS AGO I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FALL DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND IF I EVER ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST… I STILL AM. GOD THAT'S SO UNFAIR OF ME TO DO TO YOU. I'M SORRY, BUT I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT AND I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S WITH THAT SENTIMENT OF LOVE THAT I SAY ALL OF THIS TO YOU. I DON'T MEAN FOR ANY OF THIS TO BE A BURDEN OR TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I'M BEING VINDICTIVE IN ANY WAY.  
  
I HOPE THAT YOU REMEMBER THAT AMAZING WEEKEND WE SPENT TOGETHER THAT FEBRUARY 8 YEARS AGO BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO FORGET IT. TOBY HAS SERVED AS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF THAT DAY WE SPENT BY AND IN THE POOL. AND YES… THAT TERRIFYING THOUGHT THAT JUST POPPED INTO YOUR HEAD… I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS WAY, BUT… IT'S TRUE.  
  
I WAS ANGRY WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU NEVER CAME BACK AND I TOOK THAT AS YOUR WAY OF BRUSHING ME OFF… OF COURSE, NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW THE TRUTH, BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT I KNOW THE BLAME FOR US NOT RECONNECTING LIES ONLY WITH ME. BOBBY TRIED TO GIVE ME YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION AND TO GET US BACK IN CONTACT NUMEROUS TIMES, BUT I WAS TOO PIGHEADED TO LISTEN TO HIM.  
  
BUT I DIGRESS… THE IMPORTANT THING I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS THAT YOU HAVE A SON… AT LEAST BIOLOGICALLY YOU DO.  
I DIDN'T RAISE HIM, I WASN'T NEAR READY TO DO THAT AT THE TIME… I STILL DON'T THINK I AM TO THIS DAY. THE CONNORS ADOPTED HIM THE DAY HE WAS BORN AND THEY HAVE LOVED AND RAISED HIM AS IF HE WAS THEIR OWN. (OR FROM MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, THEY'VE TREATED HIM BETTER THAN IF HE WAS THEIR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.)  
  
THEY ALL KNOW ABOUT OUR 'WORK', SO HE'S AWARE OF WHAT'S OUT THERE AND HOW TO PROTECT HIMSELF. IN FACT, SINCE HE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND, HIS BED-TIME STORIES HAVE FEATURED THE MALE LEAD OF 'DEAN WINCHESTER'. (AGAIN BOBBY AND MUM ARE TO BLAME. THEY'VE BEEN MORE THAN WILLING TO KEEP ME UPDATED ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAD. HE WAS… WELL, I MISS HIM A LOT AND MOURNED HIS LOSS.)  
  
AGAIN, I'M SORRY FOR LAYING ALL OF THIS ON YOU LIKE THIS. BUT HE'S YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD, SO I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT HE'S OUT THERE. AUNTIE MO IS AWARE THAT I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER AND IS HOPING THAT YOU WILL VISIT. I PROMISE, THEY DON'T AND WON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU. IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO GO, THEY UNDERSTAND (NOT THAT IT MATTERS, BUT I DO TOO). I'VE TOLD HIM ABOUT ME, WHO I REALLY AM, BUT I'LL LEAVE THE REST UP TO YOU. HE DOES KNOW OF YOU, BUT HE PROBABLY JUST THINKS THAT YOU'RE AN AWESOME FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION. I FEEL THAT IT'S ONLY FAIR TO LET YOU MAKE THAT DECISION. I HAVEN'T ALLOWED YOU ANY SAY IN THE MATTER, SO I WANTED TO OFFER YOU THAT MUCH, AT THE VERY LEAST.  
  
PLEASE BE SAFE DEAN. YOU MAY NOT CARE ABOUT MY OPINION, BUT I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT THIS WORLD IS BETTER OFF WITH YOU IN IT. HUNDREDS (HELL, BY NOW, MAYBE EVEN THOUSANDS) OF PEOPLE OWE THEIR LIVES TO YOU (AND YOUR FAMILY). I HOPE YOU AND SAM FIND A WAY OUT OF YOUR DEAL.  
  
ANYWAY…  
  
I LOVE YOU. I TRULY (OH GOD… TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY) DO. AGAIN, I'M SORRY… FOR EVERYTHING.  
I ONLY HOPE THAT ONE DAY YOU CAN FORGIVE ME.

 _ADDY_ "

Dean refolded the letter and put it back into its envelope. He could feel the corners of his lips tugging into a grin at the words that he had just read. He gripped the key tightly in his fist and laid down on the backseat.

 _Damn you Lay_ , he thought fondly to himself as he stared at the roof of her car. _We are both idiots._

" _ **Dean! Dean! Damn it! Wake up!"**_

" _ **Addy?" He replied from the backseat, coming out of his haze… just barely.**_

" _ **Yeah, it's me. Please, just keep talking to me, okay? Mum said I should keep you talking," she pleaded only allowing her eyes to sporadically leave the road to look at him in the rear view mirror.**_

" _ **You… You… Shot me," he rasped with the pain of his wound apparent in his voice.**_

_**She knew that there was no need to hide her reaction and she visibly winced, as if he had hit her, at his reply. "But I didn't mean to," she tearfully whined. "Mum and I didn't know that you and John were working this case. How was I to know that you'd pop up behind that spirit like that?"** _

" _ **Shot me… With…"His breathing became more labored and he could barely speak while he caught his breath.**_

" _ **I know Dean… With rock salt," she finished for him. "But it's better than buck shot, right?" She attempted to joke to stave off her tears. "Dean! Keep pressure on our chest!"**_

" _ **Don't… Want… Your… Interior… Ruined?" He tried to tease through tortured and ragged breath.**_

" _ **Fuck the interior!" She shot back heatedly. "It can be replaced, you can't! I don't want you to bleed to death… I can't replace you."**_

_**He managed to sit up after she had the car door opened and tried to give her a strong smile. She helped him to his feet and shut the door with her hip. Addy tried her best to maintain some pressure on his wounds while also holding up his weight as they walked.** _

_**She had already unlocked her motel room's door before retrieving Dean and as she pushed it open with her foot, Dean protested, "This isn't my room."** _

" _ **I know. Mum and John thought it would be better if I fixed you up before Sam sees you," she explained sitting him on the bed.**_

_**He laid back on the bed and tried his best to steady his breathing. Addy shot him a few worried glances as she gathered up all of the necessary supplies from a bag by the bathroom. When she got back to Dean's side, he had one hand holding their flannel shirts to his chest and his other arm was covering his closed eyes. Miraculously, he was able to stabilize his breathing, which helped to calm Addy's nerves.** _

" _ **Dean? Do you think you can sit up so I can get your shirt off?"**_

_**He was nodding behind his arm as he sat up. She gently guided his arms in the air and peeled away the damaged cotton.** _

" _ **You know Lay… If you wanted to see me with my shirt off, all you had to do was ask," Dean joke hoarsely.**_

_**She gently pushed his shoulders so that he would lay down again and light-heartedly replied, "Pretty sure last time I didn't even have to ask."** _

_**He started laughing and she hoped that that would distract him from the pain as she continued working as quickly as possible to mend his wounds. Once she had all of the blood cleaned away, she used some tweezers to pluck out any pieces of rock salt that remained embedded in his flesh. She was only able to keep her tears from falling once his chest was clean because she finally had confirmation that the abrasions weren't as deep as she had anticipated.** _

_**She quickly shoved the needle and spools of thread away to get to the gauze and tape. Dean's face contorted in pain sporadically, but she let John's word of advice replay over and over in her mind to keep her on task.** _

_**DON'T WORRY SO MUCH DARLIN'… JUST FOCUS ON THE WOUND, NOT MY FACE.** _

_**She finished taping the last bit of gauze on his chest and smiled, feeling very satisfied with her handiwork. His facial features had softened, his breathing remained steady and his eyes remained closed, so she assumed that he had fallen asleep. Addy couldn't fully comprehend how someone could sleep after enduring such and injury, but she figured that there was no reason to question it. Instead, she put away all of the supplies and then knelt down beside the bed and removed Dean's boots.** _

_**As she reached for the button on Dean's jeans, she could feel her cheeks burning hot with embarrassment. The last time she removed his pants, she wasn't able to see much in the backseat of the Impala, so she felt slightly shy about undressing him in this bright light. Dean still hadn't let on that he wasn't sleeping when he felt her knuckles touch the flesh near his mid-section. He could sense her apprehension, so instead of waiting for her to make up her mind, Dean took each of her hands in his and pulled her down onto his chest.** _

" _ **Dean! You're hurt!" She shrieked in protest, struggling slightly in his grasp.**_

" _ **And you patched me up… Really well…" He countered. "Let me thank you."**_

_**She tried to push herself away from him for fear of injuring him even more, but Dean pulled her down after every attempt. Before she could mount a new protest, he smothered her mouth with his own. It took a few seconds before she relaxed into the embrace, but she still tried to hold her weight off his chest, just in case.** _

_**Dean could feel her tired arms trembling from her trying to keep her bodyweight off of his chest, so he pulled her close and rolled them onto their sides. She sighed with relief into his mouth, but didn't make any other attempts to break their kiss. Addy started to press herself closer to him, but stopped when she seemed to remember that she shouldn't. Now that his wounds were cleaned and covered, Dean had no hesitations about holding her tight. He took a hold of her hip, pressed himself closer to her and then draped her leg over his waist to ensure that they were as close as two people could be whilst still wearing their pants.** _

_**When she didn't object, he gently rolled her onto her back and gently held her leg in place around his waist was he started to nibble at her neck. She moaned with satisfaction while massaging his scalp and allowed him to hook her other leg around his waist as well.** _

" _ **Dean… Yes…" She panted encouragingly.**_

_**He pressed his palms onto the mattress to push himself up to look down at her. Dean winced when his actions caused the tape to pull and Addy caught the mild, anguished look in his eye.** _

" _ **Dean… I don't want to stop, but are you sure that you're okay to… You know?"**_

_**He leaned down and kissed her then playfully answered, "I'm okay, but what is this 'you know' you speak of?"** _

" _ **Dean," she replied through a giggle. "You know," she continued while she worked at undoing his jeans.**_

" _ **Hmm… I may have hit my head when you shot me. Remind me what it is," he teased amorously, slipping his hand under her t-shirt.**_

_**His hand slid up her ribcage and stopped when he didn't meet the usual barrier of a bra. He snaked his fingers under the elastic of her bra tank and lowered his lips to her ear, "You're not wearing a bra, Lay?"** _

_**She gasped at the sensation his hand elicited on her bare skin. "Dean… When you call me 'Lay'," she scolded breathlessly. "It makes… This seems so…"** _

" _ **So what, Lay?"**_

_**Before she could answer they both froze when they heard the room door open. Dean retracted his hand while rolling off Addy's body and promptly fell to the ground, fumbling with the button on his pants all the while. Addy sat up straight and smoothed down her t-shirt in an attempt to hide any evidence of what they were doing.** _

_**Vicki nonchalantly placed Addy's duffle bag on a chair by the door and smiled warmly asking," Are you feeling better Dean?"** _

_**The two younger hunters were on their feet on opposite sides of the bed and Dean nodded vigorously. He quickly noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt and tried to cross his arms over his chest, but his injuries severely impeded that action. Addy looked at the foot of the bed at their two blood encrusted flannel shirts, but remained completely immobile.** _

_**Vicki laughed at their embarrassment and tossed Dean a t-shirt that she had carried in with her. "Relax, John went to check on Sam to make sure that his fever has broken. I won't be telling him about what I saw."** _

_**Addy still wouldn't move a muscle, but now that Dean was fully clothed, he returned to his more usual, jovial self and replied, "Thanks Vicki… I should probably get over there and check on Sammy too."** _

_**He walked around the bed and kissed Addy's cheek then whispered, "I'll call you later, okay? Just breathe, you're mom's cool."** _

_**He turned back around to leave, flashed her mother a bright grin and said, "Thanks again for the shirt. I'll see ya around Vicki. Take care."** _

_**She lightly squeezed his forearm and replied, "You too Dean. We'll be spending the night, so remind your dad to come and get me if he needs any help with Sam."** _

" _ **Yes Ma'am, I will. Good Night."**_

" _ **G'Night Dean."**_

_**After he was out the door, Vicki locked the deadbolt slowly. As she turned around and started preparing for bed, she remained completely silent. Addy watched her mother apprehensively, still anchored to her spot, while she awaited the lecture she thought was inevitable. Vicki however just moved around the room silently continuing her regular routine as if her daughter wasn't fearfully watching her.** _

_**When Vicki stepped into the bathroom, Addy finally moved and stripped out of her bloody clothes to change into her nightwear. At the bathroom sink, her mother passed Addy her toothbrush (just like she did every night when they shared a motel room), but didn't make eye contact.** _

_**Addy slowly claimed her toothbrush and quietly blurted, "I'm so sorry Mum. I really am!"** _

_**When she was finished brushing her teeth, Vicki rinsed out her mouth and turned to face her daughter then very calmly stated, "Adelaide, I've already told you how I feel about this situation and you promised me that you would behave like the mature woman I know you are…" She paused and brushed a tear from Addy's cheek. "Just… Make sure you're safe, okay? I just don't want him to break my little Roo's heart… Now I'm exhausted from helping John, so if you still want to talk in the morning, we can, okay?"** _

_**Addy nodded, hugged her mother tightly and whispered, "Okay… G'Night Mum. I love you."** _

_**Vicki kissed her cheek then said, "I love you too Roo. Sleep tight."** _

_**Vicki fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, but Addy laid on her back staring at the ceiling gripping her phone tight. She was just about to illuminate the clock again when it finally came to life.** _

_**She silently rolled off the bed and slipped into the bathroom to try to keep from waking her mother.** _

" **Hey Lay, how'd it go with Vicki?"** _ **He asked in a hushed tone.**_

" _ **Not as bad as I thought. How's Sam doing?"**_

" **He was still throwing up when we got back so dad and I packed up and are taking him to a friend of Bobby's that's a doctor a few counties over. Sorry, but I couldn't call til we stopped for gas."**

" _ **Oh… So I won't see you in the morning?" She asked without thinking or trying to sound like she was guilt tripping him.**_

" **No, sorry you won't. But I'll try to visit in the New Year, okay?"**

" _ **Of course it is. I hope Sam is going to be okay. I'll call you later to check up. I love you Dean."**_

" **Sounds good. I love you too Lay."**

Dean was awoken by the sound of the garage door closing under its own weight. He sat up on the seat and ran his hand across the leather relishing the memory of the first time he finally got to ride in Addy's car, even if it wasn't the happiest night they spent together.

Toby was walking past the car with his arm filled with supplies that they would need to finish their work in the house. When he caught a glimpse of someone in the backseat of the GTO, he dropped everything in his hands. Before he could scream, Dean stepped out and started to pick up the moving materials Toby had dropped.

"Sorry Buddy, I didn't mean to scare you like that," Dean said repentantly.

Toby started to retrieve some of the items off of the ground closest to his feet and shrugged nonchalantly, "I wasn't scared, I was just startled."

Dean laughed silently to himself, but allowed Toby to put on his tough exterior. After all of the supplies were found, they started out of the garage side by side. The younger male had a million questions he wanted to ask his dad, but he remained mute. He hoped that Dean would share it all if he allowed his dad to go at his own pace.

At the bottom of the stairs, Dean stopped and turned to Toby and held out the small key he found n his letter commenting simply, "I got one too."

==============================  
                   CHANGE OF POV  
==============================

It was still too stifling hot and every inch of my body felt like it was on fire. Before I opened my eyes, I had made a resolve to myself that today was the day. I had to get out of here, by any means necessary, so today was the day I would choose my own fate. Today, I would say 'Yes'… Yes, I would step off the rack and place souls on it for their eternal punishment.

I had reasoned with myself that it wasn't the worst thing that I could do because these souls had be sent to Hell after all… Didn't they deserve to be punished? I wouldn't allow myself to consider that they too could be the souls of people who had made a deal in a moment of weak desperation because I needed to get out… Even if that mean becoming Crowley's number one enforcer and leaving Hell in demon form.

At least then, I would be out… I would be away… from him again.

I had no tears to shed even though my entire soul ached, hating this plan with a fiery passion. But I needed to be free… Away from Sydney because he was literally destroying the very essence of my soul right now. But now I could use the anger that I had felt since the day he had told me I was unwanted… I no longer had to suppress it or ask for forgiveness. I could punish him for all of the years of neglect. I could have my revenge.

I took in a deep breath and raised my head defiantly in anticipation of being given a chance at reclaiming my life. When I opened my eyes, there was no way that I could have hidden my shock.

My mouth hung open as I took in the familiar smell of cheap air freshener and laundry detergent. Even though every muscle in my body still ached, I was now seated on a cheap, lumpy double bed instead of having each limb being impaled on the Rack back in Hell.

I heard someone clear their throat and I turned my head until my eyes locked with a pair of the kindest eyes I have ever seen.

They smiled brightly and greeted me warmly saying, "Good morning Addy. I hope you had a good rest."


	2. Get Away And Out of This City

After stepping out of the Impala, Dean put on his navy blue blazer and smoothed down the arms of it nervously. Before walking around to the front of the car, he stared at the building in front of him and closed his eyes while taking a calming breath. His partner appeared to be taking this job in stride and smiled warmly trying to demonstrate to Dean that he was ready to complete this job as soon as possible.

They met at the nose of the car before continuing forward side by side in complete silence. Dean stopped mid-step suddenly when he felt a hand grip his forearm tightly.

"Are you sure that you're okay? You know… you're sure that you're ready for this?"

Dean nodded and quietly answered, "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay… But you look like you might barf up a lung. Did you want to talk about it before we go in?"

Dean swallowed hard and chuckled warmly. He pulled the shorter male into a side hug and replied more confidently, "I'm fine Toby. Really, I am. But, it just that… After this… Well, that's it… She's really gone."

Toby nodded against his father's shoulder and said, "Yeah… That's true. So, what do you think she left for us in there?"

Dean smoothed the front of his jacket and flashed his son a bright smile and winked replying, "There's only one way to find out."

As soon as they were through the door, they were greeted by a few solemn looking smiles from the tellers. In Dean's opinion, it was almost as if they all had been expecting the father and son duo to arrive because the Manager, Colin Fayle, emerged from his office and signaled for the two of them to follow him without uttering a word. Dean and Toby shared a confused look between the two of them, but followed without protest.

"It's good to see you Toby and Mr. Winchester. The deposit box area is just this way," Mr. Fayle explained, confirming Dean's initial suspicions. "Would you two like separate rooms or would you prefer a larger room to open your boxes together?"

Dean turned to his son and deferred the decision to the younger male. Toby took in a deep breath while furrowing his brow as he weighed the Pros and Cons of each choice silently to himself.

"Umm… Would you mind if we…? If we have separate rooms?" Toby replied almost shyly to the Bank Manager and then he turned to his father so that he could add, "I just figured that that way we can see what she had to say to each of us and all… That is okay, right?"

"Of course it's okay Toby," Dean replied warmly. "Mr. Fayle, it looks like we will need a room each thank you."

The Manager offered them each a fairly sad smile then point to the first open door in the corridor that they came to saying, "One of you can take this room and the other can take that one over there. If you have your keys, I'll go and retrieve your boxes for you."

They each passed him their key before retreating into their respective rooms. Colin quickly unlocked the secure vaults that corresponded with the key that Toby and Dean had given him and after placing the metal Safety Deposit boxes down, he left them saying, " In the rooms there's a phone, please call and let me know if you need anything else."

Toby opened his very tentatively and found another white envelope labeled "TOBY". Before exploring the contents any further, Toby tore it open with nervous anticipation. Inside, he found another silver key with "08" inscribed on it with a note saying:

"TOBY… BUDDY, I'M SO SORRY IF THIS IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE SOME CRAZY SCAVENGER HUNT, BUT HOPEFULLY IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE TO YOU SOON ENOUGH.  
  
IN THIS BOX, YOU'LL FIND SOME FAIRLY BORING PAPERWORK LIKE THE DEED TO MY… WELL YOUR HOUSE, BUT THERE ARE ALSO A FEW THINGS THAT HARDLY ANYONE ELSE HAS HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO SEE.  
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT AND ENJOY, TOBS.  
  
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BUDDY… I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN EVER TRY TO PUT INTO WORDS.  
Addy"

Toby picked up the phone in his room and asked Mr. Fayle to return so that he could pass him the second key. Once the Manager had retrieve the second (and hopefully last box) and set it down beside the first, Toby started pulling out the paperwork that he found in the first. As his mother had stated he did in fact find the deed to the house, the pink slip for the car and deeds to a few different properties that Toby had never heard of or seen before. He looked over the third set of papers more thoroughly, but remained completely confused about their significance until he found a stray note that had fallen out of its paperclip.

"TOBS,   
YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD ME TALK ABOUT THESE PLACES BEFORE, BUT YOUR MOM AND DAD KNOW ALL ABOUT THEM. THESE ARE PROPERTIES THAT MY POPPY (YOUR GREAT GRANDDAD. YOU UNFORTUNATELY WILL NEVER GET TO MEET HIM, BUT I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THE STORIES I TOLD YOU ABOUT HIM) HAD BOUGHT BEFORE I WAS BORN AND THEN WILLED TO ME WHEN HE PASSED AWAY.  
  
YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE EACH CARED FOR BY A **GREAT** LOCAL MANAGEMENT COMPANY. YOUR DAD HAS BEEN HELPING ME OUT FOR A WHILE NOW WITH THEM SO THAT WE COULD KEEP TABS ON THEM TO MAKE SURE THEY WERE DOING EVERYTHING WE NEEDED THEM TO DO TO KEEP THE PROPERTIES UP TO PAR AND BELIEVE ME BUDDY, THEY HAVE. SO, BILL… YOUR DAD, HE HAS THAT ALL TAKEN CARE OF FOR YOU. I ASKED HIM TO TAKE CARE OF THAT IN CASE… IN CASE THIS HAPPENED.  
SOME OF THE BUILDINGS HAVE POOLS, BUT EACH OF THEM HAS A FURNISHED SUITE THAT YOU (OR ANYONE ELSE THAT YOU WANT TO GIVE A KEY TO… OH YOUR PARENTS HAVE A SET OF KEYS FOR EVERY ONE OF THESE PROPERTIES AND THERE'S A SECOND AT MY… YOUR HOUSE) CAN USE ANYTIME THAT YOU WOULD LIKE.  
  
PLEASE DO TAKE NOTE, THERE'S ONE IN BOSTON, ANOTHER IN LOS ANGELES AND ANOTHER IN NEW HAVEN. NOW, NO PRESSURE, BUT IF YOU CHOOSE TO GO TO SCHOOL NEAR ANY OF THESE CITIES, YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT PLACE TO STAY.  
BUT AGAIN, NO PRESSURE BUDDY.  
  
EVERYHING ELSE IS PRETTY SELF-EXPLANITORY. I KIND OF WISH I COULD TAKE CREDIT FOR THE… SCRAPBOOK, BUT THE THANKS FOR IT GOES SOLEY TO MY MUM (REMEMBER HER? VICKI?) SHE MADE SURE TO DOCUMENT EVERYTHING FROM THE BEGINNING, BUT I JUST COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO GIVE IT TO YOUR MOM BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE TRUTH.  
  
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHY BUDDY… I'VE ALSO ADDED SOME EDITED DIARIES FROM THAT PERIOD OF MY LIFE SO THAT YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER IDEA OF WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME DURING THAT TIME. I DON'T REALLY KNOW IF YOU WANT ANY OR ALL OF THESE DETAILS, BUT THEY'RE ALL IN THERE JUST IN CASE YOU DO.  
  
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUDDY… MORE THAN ANY OTHER PERSON ON THIS PLANET. I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE THERE TO SEE WHAT AN AMAZING MAN I KNOW THAT YOU'RE GOING TO GROW UP TO BE… AND IT HURTS MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT I WON'T BE AROUND TO HELP SHAPE YOU INTO HIM EITHER.  
  
REMEMBER TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART. YOU CAN BE ANYTHING AND ANYONE YOU WANT TO BE. BUT KEEP IN MIND, THE 'FEAR OF REJECTION KEEPS {THE} HEART AT BAY', SO BE BOLD AND YOU'LL BE MORE THAN FINE BUDDY.  
~Addy"

Toby then carefully removed the baby blue book that he assumed was the scrapbook that was under all of the other paperwork and diaries. On the cover there was a cartoonish depiction of a kangaroo with a little baby 'Joey' beside it. He laughed quietly to himself knowing that Vicki (Grandma he corrected in his mind) had given her the pet name 'Roo'. He brushed away a few stay tears that betrayed him during his laughter. He then slowly opened the front over and read a description on the title page that was scrawled in unfamiliar writing: "MY ROO'S LITTLE JOEY"

 _I guess Grandma Vicki made this before Mom and Pop named me,_ he thought to himself with another chuckle.

He continued to turn the pages with the same care that he would use whenever he read through any of Bobby's old… well ancient texts. On the first page he flipped to there were three photos of his two birth parents dress in formal wear. Two of them appeared to have been taken in the living room of his Mum's home, whereas the third looked like a professional photo that was posed in front of a "Winter Wonderland" backdrop somewhere.

 _This must be the Winter Formal that she told me about,_ Toby mused smiling to himself as he touched her cheek in the picture of her smiling in Dean's arms at the dance. On that same page there were a few rose petals that had been dried and were glued by the photos along with the tickets that his birth parents had used for admittance to the dance. His Grandmother had also taken the time to cut out and draw some small snowflakes and places them around the page decoratively.

In the baby book that his Mom and Pop (the Connors) had put together, Toby had already seen a few of his sonogram photos and the next two pages had photocopies of each one of them. The only items that were new to him were a hospital bracelet from the 'Lincoln General Hospital' in Nebraska and a small printout with results from some tests run on her blood. Toby remembered the story his Mum related to him and his dad during their last trip to Chicago when she told him about her 'hunt-vacations' that she had taken with her own Mum. Courtesy of the inscriptions written down by his Grandmother, he learned that his Mum had been injured so severely that she had to go to the Emergency Room (which explained the hospital bracelet). At the 'Lincoln General Hospital' they ran some tests (but nothing here told him why) and the printout that was pasted with everything else confirmed her pregnancy. It was badly wrinkled and he guessed that his birth mother had thrown it out (or at least attempted to trash it), but his Grandmother had saved it and archived it with all of the other momentos.

He lingered on that page for longer than he had intended because he was so stunned. Here was the first proof of his existence… Full stop. He wasn't sure that he was ready to see that and he wasn't sure how he felt about seeing it. However, he smiled none the less and continued through the pages.

There weren't too many other pages for him to scrutinize, but each of the proceeding photos showed his Mum at various stages in her (and his) development during Addy's pregnancy. They were each neatly labeled (in succession): 2 Months, 4 Months, 5.5 Months, 7 Months, and 8 Months. His birth mother didn't look overly comfortable in any of them and he guessed (correctly) that she had to be coaxed into posing and having her picture taken by the photographer. He couldn't help but snort through a laugh when he got to the one labeled '5.5 Months' because he could see a woman's hand directing her to stand still for the photo that was now pasted on the page.

He held his breath unconsciously as he tried to memorize the last photo in the line-up because it was the first one that he had seen of his birth mother's Mum. She was hugging a very pregnant seventeen year old in a beautiful bubblegum pink summer dress with a white cardigan beside the ever familiar '67 GTO. They both looked so happy in this photo that he sort of wondered who had taken it (not knowing it was John, his Grandfather that had reluctantly left his truck to capture this moment in time). He never once attempted to stop his tears from flowing as he let his feelings of loss surface. He quickly turned the page in the hopes that there would be more surprising, candid family moments, but that was where this story ended.

Toby sat there, just allowing himself to cry silently and after countless minutes (maybe even an hour) before he finally caught his breath and pulled out a few Kleenex from a box that was on the table to blow his nose and dry his face. After he had calmed himself, he finally grabbed out the last two items she had left for him in this metal box: Two beige colored canvas bags.

He shook them out vigorously in the hopes that they would yield some other clues, but there was nothing else there for him. He was feeling somewhat defeated and deflated as he packed the contents of the first box into a bag that his Mum had provided before he turned his attention to the second box.

When he finally opened it, he found a very short note on a piece of paper:

"THIS IS JUST IN CASE YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE 18 FOR YOUR REAL INHERITANCE BUDDY."

He slowly started removing the stacks of bills that she had secured in box into the second canvas bag. He couldn't hold back the gasp he uttered when he realized that he deposit box had been filled to the brim with one hundred dollar bills.

"HOE-LEE CRAP!"

************** Meanwhile In the other room*******************

Dean stared at the dark green metal box, scrutinizing every inch of it before he could even contemplate opening it. After he had decided that she hadn't booby trapped it in any way, shape or form, Dean flipped the lid open quickly and slightly jumped back towards his chair. When he finally did allow himself to look inside, he found a white envelope labeled "DEAN" tucked inside with a beige canvas bag.

 _Damn it! She planned every fucking detail!_ Dean thought to himself with a soft, sad, tear-filled laugh.

He swiftly plucked the envelope out, but opened it carefully because he noted that it felt heavier than a regular letter should be as he carefully pulled the piece of paper out. He watched it with a careful eye to make sure that he didn't allow anything to fallout with her note. When he was confident that whatever was accompanying the letter was still safe inside the envelope, he flipped the paper open with his right hand to read it.

"HEY DEAN,  
  
OKAY… HERE'S THE STORY I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU IN PERSON…  
  
WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN, POPPY TOOK ME OUT FOR A LOOONNNG DRIVE IN MY NEW (WELL NEW TO ME) GTO SO THAT WE COULD HAVE A 'HEART TO HEART'. HE WAS THE CLOSEST THING THAT I HAD EVER KNOWN TO BE A "FATHER" AND HE HAD QUICKLY PICKED UP ON SOME SUBTLE INDICATIONS THAT I HAD A NEW 'BEAU' AS HE PUT IT (EVEN IF SYDNEY DECIDED TO REMAIN IGNORANT).  
  
INCIDENTALLY, HE WAS THE FIRST PERSON THAT I EVER TOLD ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU. I WAS SOOO RELUCTANT TO DO SO BECAUSE I WAS SO CERTAIN THAT HE WOULD TELL ME THAT I WAS TOO YOUNG TO HAVE THOSE KINDS OF FEELINGS, BUT MY POPPY NEVER WAS ONE TO DO WHAT I EXPECTED OF HIM.  
  
INSTEAD OF MY PREDICTED REACTION, POPPY GAVE THE RING YOU FOUND IN THIS ENVELOPE. IT WAS THE WEDDING BAND THAT MY NANA HAD BOUGHT FOR HIM AFTER HE HAD RETURNED FROM OVERSEAS. HE GRACIOUSLY GAVE IT TO ME… BUT HE BEQUEATHED IT TO ME WITH ONE SIMPLE INSTRUCTION: FOR ME TO "GIVE IT TO THE MAN THAT OWNS MY HEART".  
  
WHEN I WAS SEVENTEEN, I HAD DREAMT OF THE DAY THAT I WOULD MARRY YOU AND I HAD ANTICIPATED PLACING IT ON YOUR FINGER ON OUR WEDDING DAY… OF COURSE WE BOTH KNOW HOW THAT TURNED OUT…  
  
AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED LATELY, I FINALLY REALIZED THAT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU HADN'T… I MEAN, HAVEN'T CHANGED. LIKE MY OTHER LETTER SAID, I WAS JUST TOO STUPID AND STUBBORN TO LOOK BEYOND MY ANGER TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT.  
OBVIOUSLY I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T RETURN MY FEELINGS, BUT I'M JUST SO SICK AND TIRED OF NOT BEING HONEST. NOW, IF THIS IS THE CASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T JUST TOSS THIS RING IN THE TRASH OR PAWN IT JUST TO SPITE ME! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE PASS IT ONTO OUR SON. (SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO PULL 'THAT' CARD.) IF POPPY'S RING CAN'T BE WITH THE MAN THAT I KNOW OWNS MY HEART, THEN PLEASE LET IT GO TO MY ONLY BLOOD RELATION LEFT. (SYDNEY DOESN'T COUNT HERE.)  
  
SO…I KNOW THAT THE REST OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS BOX DON'T REALLY REQUIRE MUCH EXPLINATION… HOWEVER, ME BEING ME, HERE IT IS ANYWAY: THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS DRINKING IN A BAR WATCHING TWO GUYS GO AT IT FULL ON AFTER ONE HAD LOST (BADLY) DURING A GAME OF POOL. SUDDENLY I REALIZED HOW MUCH I'D HATE TO THINK THAT THE THING THAT FINALLY TOOK DOWN (THE ALMIGHTY) DEAN WHINCHESTER WOULD BE SOME DICKHEAD WHO COULDN'T HANDLE LOSING TO A MASTER OF MANIPULATION. PLEASE DON'T BE STUBBORN DEAN… JUST TAKE THE MONEY I'VE LEFT YOU.  
  
AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT TOBY… HE'S BEEN TAKEN CARE OF, I PROMISE. BUT IF FOR SOME REASON (BE HONEST HERE) YOU CAN'T STOMACH TAKING MONEY FROM ME (OF ALL PEOPLE) THEN THAT'S FINE TOO. I'LL LET YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT… BUT IF I MAY ADD MY TWO CENTS (NOT THAT YOU CAN STOP ME NOW) PLEASE DON'T FORGET BOBBY… HE'S BEEN A CONSTANT FOR ALL OF US, EVEN WHEN WE DIDN'T DESERVE IT.  
  
ANYWAYS… AGAIN, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I REALLY DO THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME APOLOGIZE. I LOVE YOU DEAN AND PLEASE BE SAFE… FIND A WAY TO STAY ON THIS EARTH DAMN YOU!  
~Addy"

Dean let the band in the envelope fall into the palm of his hand while he looked it over with teary eyes. It was a fairly wide (compared to what might be considered a standard size for a wedding ring) white gold band with a darker, almost black metal inlay that looked like a barbed wire motif. On the inside there was an inscription of: 1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4-13.

With his very limited knowledge of the bible, Dean was aware of the significance of those verses. He slowly placed the band on his left ring finger to test the size and when it appeared to fit, he pushed it all the way onto his finger. He held his hand out so that he could admire how it looked before pulling out the canvas bag. He too was flabbergasted to see that every spare inch in the box had been neatly packed with one hundred dollar bills.

"Damn it Lay," he playfully cursed as he placed the bills into the bag.

Dean emerged from his room before Toby and waited for his son in the hallway, idly twisting the ring on his finger. When Toby exited his room, he was still sniffling slightly, but he maintained a tight grip on his two canvas bags. In an effort to ensure that the weight of the money would be distributed evenly, he kept the scrapbook out and placed some of the cash in with the legal papers.

His father reached out with his left hand and touched the back of the baby blue book asking, "What do you have there Toby?"

"Scrapbook that Grandma Vicki made when Mum was pregnant," he replied with a sad smile. He awkwardly gripped his father's hand and added, "What's that on your finger Dad?"

"Oh, just a ring your Great Granddad passed down to your Mum," Dean replied with a wink as he started to walk down the corridor.

"Cool."

They continued into the main part of the bank and said another "Thank you" along with a farewell to the Manager and other staff. As Dean shook Mr. Fayle's hand, a few of the tellers came over to Toby and offered their condolences. Toby managed to inch himself away just as Dean was able to detach himself from the Branch Manager. Once their backs touched, Dean and Toby nodded to each other then fell into the usual discourse that they had been saying to acquaintances since the funeral until they finally found themselves in the fresh air.

At the top of the stairs, Dean wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders and led him to the car. Toby placed his bags at his feet but clutched tightly to the scrapbook. Dean gave him a sideways glance, wanting to ask Toby more about the contents of the book he was holding, but decided to wait until they were on more comfortable terrain before the interrogation would commence.

Toby popped out the mix tape that he had been forcing his dad to listen to and exchanged it for another one that he had just made. Dean allowed Toby to break the most sacred rule of riding in the Impala because one day he finally saw Toby crack a smile the day after her funeral when a random radio station played Savage Garden's 'I Want You'. Toby refused to drink anything by Cherry Coke for nearly five days straight, but his mom stepped in and forced him to return to his proper eating habits. So Dean decided that if hearing the voice of his birth-mother's favorite singer could help to put a smile on his son's face, then Dean would allow his ears to be 'assaulted' by the mellow pop tunes. And no, he did NOT still know all of the words to 'Truly Madly Deeply', nor would he admit that you could in fact head bang to 'Break Me Shake Me' if you put a little bit of effort into it. However this mix seemed to be a bit more on the melancholy side and Dean was sure that he saw tears brimming Toby's eyes during 'A Hundred Challenging Things a Boy Could Do', but Toby still had a hint of a smile on his face so Dean declined commenting.

At the house, they each retrieved their bags then made their way up the stairs into the house. Toby flopped onto a chair at the breakfast nook, let his bags fall to the ground and started to absentmindedly trace the outline of the two kangaroos on the cover of the book.

Dean stood at the island and stared at Toby before quietly asking, "Hey Buddy? Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

Toby looked up and as their eyes locked he started nodding vigorously, "Yeah, I would ki--… I'd really like a glass of water, thanks Dad."

His father was already filling himself a glass of water, so he filled a second for his son and grabbed a bag of chips before joining him at the table.

They sat there lost in their own thoughts as they sipped their drinks, then suddenly Toby turned the baby book towards Dean and asked, "Do you wanna look at the baby book Grandma Vicki put together?"

Dean smiled and nodded answering, "If you don't mind."

Toby shook his head saying, "I don't mind at all. Mum even gave me some diaries from then too if you wanted to read them later."

Dean nodded, not hearing the end of Toby's statement because he had reached the page with the pictures of the two of them at her Winter Formal. He lingered on that page for a little too long and was only brought out of him memories by Toby calling his name.

"Dad? Does that mean that you remember that night? I mean you're humming Savage Garden and all," Toby teased.

Dean smiled then replied, "Yeah, that… That was a GREAT night." Once his eyes hit Toby's face, Dean blushed at the memory he had been focusing on and continued, "Yeah, I do. Did you know that this was the first formal dress that she ever bought? I hadn't seen her in a dress before that night." Toby's jaw dropped as he shook his head. "Vicki helped me by picking up the corsages. Hell… She even rented my tux for me to make sure that we would coordinate properly."

Toby chuckled then commented, "You guys did look a little too perfect for that not to be preplanned."

Dean was more than ready to change the subject because he couldn't stop thinking about how he loved to tease her about how she earned her new nickname "Lay".

"So Buddy? What else is in here?"

Toby eagerly flipped the pages and narrated each page as if it was a story book he had been reading for years and had memorized. Dean fell deathly silent and was barely holding back his tears. This was the first time that he had been allowed to see how her body changed to accommodate their first child and it brought back all of the memories of their last few months together.

His son recognized the overwhelmed look in his dad's eyes, so he switched gears saying, "She also gave me a bunch of paperwork… The deeds to everything… But that's kinda boring… Umm… Can I look at your ring?"

Dean had to pry his eyes away from the last picture of the Jones women and removed the ring from his finger. Toby quickly took it from him adding, "She was really pretty, wasn't she?"

Dean's eyes returned to the picture as he answered, "Yeah, she sure was."

Toby looked over every inch of the ring then started to recite, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

When he was finished reciting the verses inscribed on the inside of the band, he looked up at his father and asked, "Was Mum's Poppy religious? Because I don't remember Mum ever going to church but she knew that passage by heart."

Dean reclaimed the ring and placed it back on his finger as he formulated his reply. "From what I remember, she said her dad's family were into church and all that, but not super religious. Once Sydney met Vicki he kind of let going to church fall by the wayside. Her Poppy loved to throw out random verses here and there to keep her on her toes. I think he was more religious than he let on."

Toby smiled and pulled the scrapbook towards his side of the table. Unexpectedly, he looked up at Dean and said, "I feel kind of tired. I think I'm going to take a nap if that's okay?"

Dean smiled and replied, "Sure Buddy" then Toby bounded towards the stairs and continued up to his room.

Dean poured himself a tumbler of scotch then attempted to commit every detail of each picture to memory. As he stared at the ones of them from the night of her Winter Formal, Dean could feel in his gut that he knew what his next move had to be.

She was gone and there was nothing that he could do to bring her back now, but Sam… Sam could still be saved. Before he left Toby, he promised to visit on a pre-approved schedule. He was confident that his son understood that he had to do whatever he could to restore someone he loved, so he didn't go into much detail with Toby about what he had to do in order to restore Sam's soul.

Without Dean's knowledge, Toby had put one of the three photos of the two of them at Addy's Winter Formal in the Impala. Dean immediately tucked in into the visor and would periodically look at it to help keep him on task.

=========================================  
                                       Change of POV  
=========================================

I heard someone clear their throat and I turned my head until my gaze locked with a pair of the kindest eyes that I have ever seen.

She smiled brightly and greeted me warmly saying, "Good morning Addy. I hope you had a good rest."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound would come out. My mouth was completely devoid of any moisture and my throat felt like someone had scrubbed it with sandpaper. Before I could make any other painful attempts to speak, she smiled serenely and gently placed her fingertips to my lips.

"Shh… don't try to speak just yet. Here, drink some tea and then we'll try again later," she explained and passed me an over-sized coffee mug filled with chamomile tea.

I tried to say "Thank you", but my voice failed me again, so I just , nodded and then drank the warm liquid greedily. After I finished my first mugful, she refilled it and kindly said, "Just take your time Addy, you've been through a lot."

She could see the questions running through my mind, so she added, "Shh… We'll go over all of that later. You should try to rest again before we get into all of it."

I just nodded and tried to take in everything that she was saying while a thousand more questions started running through my mind. "How did she know what I was thinking?" Was the question that repeated itself the most.

"Adelaide, you know," she stated firmly as she took the now empty mug and tucked my hair behind my ear. "You know. Now, please, rest."

I laid back on the plush pillows and curled up under the blankets. As I tried to rest, I finally looked around the room to try to take stock of where I was. When the décor came into focus, I inadvertently sat up on the bed. My companion appeared to be thoroughly amused by my reaction but only issued a soft chuckle in response.

I still didn't feel like I could speak, so I tried communicating with her telepathically. _Is this that Bed and Breakfast Mum and I used to come to?_

"Yes it is. I thought that you would be comfortable here," she explained aloud as she gently forced me to lie down again. "Was I wrong?"

I shook my head against my pillow. _No… I just haven't been back here since… Since she…_

"I know. You don't have to explain. Now rest… please rest?"

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep in order to appease her, but when I heard the familiar rustle of wings I opened my eyes and sat up again. I knew there was no way I could fall asleep until I came to terms with where I was brought to… Even if this all might just be a dream.

When I was fifteen, my Mum took me on my first hunt here. We came to this Bed and Breakfast that was set beside a beautiful lake because it was plagued with a deadly water wraith. Mum and I had been successful in killing it but the owners' only child had been one of its victims, so they went forward with their plans to close their business. They were so devastated by the loss of life that they couldn't bring themselves to sell the property, despite Mum's adamant declarations that everything was safe.

The owners gave Mum their keys and told her that we were welcome to use it whenever we liked. We didn't go on vacations much… Well never really, but we did use it as a pit stop on numerous occasions. After Sister Marie Catherine passed, I hid here for a week while I dealt with my feelings. I hadn't returned here since that week because it reminded me too much of how much I missed my Mum and Sister Marie Catherine.

To my surprise, it appeared that my companion had freshened things up since my last visit. There was a fire lit in the fireplace and she had placed vases all over the room with bouquets of gladiolus and white hyacinths. On the night stand there was another warm cup of tea, so I drank it and tried once again to sleep, but this time it was in earnest.


	3. Maybe I Shouldn't Have Called

" _ **Adelaide… Adelaide… Wake up…" He nearly sang into my ear. "I have something new I want to try with you… Come on… Open your eyes… It's much more fun that way."**_

_**I reluctantly opened my eyes and tearfully pleaded, "Enough… Please, please no more… No more… I… I can't take it..."** _

_**My head started to slump, so he gripped my chin tightly and laughed whole heartedly then replied, "Stupid girl… What did you think would happen once you got down here? You didn't think that Hell was going to be easy for you, did you?" He paused for a moment to make sure that I was paying attention to what he was saying. "Now Adelaide, you HAVE to keep your eyes open. If you don't, I'll make sure that all of this will be even worse for you, understand?"** _

_**I tried to nod because it was too difficult to speak, but I was feeling too weak to do so. He sneered, narrowed his eyes and leaned in while clarifying with a growl, "AM I UNDERSTOOD?"** _

_**I sobbed violently but somehow managed to whisper, "Yes sir" through my unending tears.** _

_**He placed a strap over my forehead and tightened it to ensure that I couldn't bow my head to divert my gaze from whatever he was doing. My body shook as I continued to cry, but I tried my best to keep my eyes on him in an effort to appease him in any way possible. Although I knew deep down that nothing I could do now would save me from whatever fate Sydney had planned for me.** _

" _ **So… Crowley told me that I got to have some fun with you before I have to hand you over to him. Now, I've been racking my brain trying to come up with new tricks and games just for you," Sydney explained almost pleasantly as he stepped away to a table covered in knives, blades and other 'toys' as he called them. "It took a while, but I think I have it figured out."**_

_**He picked up a knife with a large, serrated blade, walked back over to me and before saying anything else, he plunged it hard and deep into my gut. He twisted the blade while it was still buried deep in my flesh and I started to choke on the blood that immediately started to fill my throat.** _

" _ **I have to admit… I have been quite surprised at how well you've taken all of my beatings. I'm a little disappointed that my best efforts seem to have been completely wasted on you so far."**_

_**He retracted the blade and I gasped in a deep breath as my body repaired all of the damage and was completely healed. He wiped the knife on his sleeve and smiled at me menacingly. I tried then to take in a few deep breaths to calm myself, but the pain I was feeling would not be ignored, so I just continued to weep.** _

" _ **But I think I have it now… Boy oh boy have I been waiting a loonngg time for this," he explained as his free hand gripped my stomach roughly.**_

_**I couldn't see what he was doing, but I winced slightly from the strange sensation that his hand elicited while on my body. I turned my eyes downward to try, in vain, to look at my midsection. Even though I couldn't see it, I could feel that my belly had grown large and heavy, much like it had when I had carried each of my children.** _

" _ **That damned baby of yours… Do you know the troubles it caused for me?"**_

_**Tears continued to flow down my cheeks in unending rivers and I tried to shake my head as I answered a shallow, "No."** _

" _ **Vicki didn't talk to me for a week after you ran away from home like the spoiled little bitch that you are… She even went out on hunts with John and Bobby instead of me… And why? Because I was honest… I knew that little brat of yours would come and ruin everything we had going for us… You were trouble enough, but I learned to deal with you… It would have just been too much. She even talked about wanting to quit to help you..."**_

" _ **He… He didn't… Nothing had to change," I tried to protest. "You brought that all on yourself."**_

 **Stupid… Stupid Addy…Why'd you say that?** _**I thought to myself because that reply earned me a full force backhand across my cheek. If I hadn't already been in tears, I most definitely would have cried then because the force of the slap caused my eyes to tear up immediately. Sydney stepped closer and held out the knife so that the tip was pressed up against my navel. I tried to gauge what he was doing by the look in his eyes, but he made sure to keep them trained on the blade instead of looking at me.** _

" _ **This… This is what I should have done back then."**_

_**Before I could fully register his words, I started screaming in absolute, agonizing pain. He stabbed the knife just far enough into my skin that he could slice upwards, as if he was gutting a fish, so that he could reach into my body. I felt him man handling my insides, then he pulled something out and held it up so that I could clearly see what he was holding in his right hand.** _

" _ **I should have disposed of it as soon as you told me about it," he said with pure hatred dripping off each word.**_

" _ **No… No… Please… Don't… Don't…" I pleaded desperately. I only fell silent as I watched him crush his fist closed around the neck of the fetus that was in his right hand.**_

_**Although it looked nothing like my son, I still closed my eyes to shut out the disgusting image. My eyes suddenly snapped open as the back of my head ricocheted hard off the back of the rack after Sydney landed a powerful right jab square onto my cheek. The head restraint was gone and as my head flopped forward it met his fist once again and I had to focus all of my remaining energy to lift my head so that I could look at him as he moved around.** _

" _ **I told you not to close your eyes," he admonished as he stabbed my newly pregnant belly angrily. "Never did what you were told."**_

_**I lost count of how many times he plunged the knife deep into my midsection as I absentmindedly repeated "No" and "Stop" over and over. When he seemed to tire, or he just got bored, he suddenly stopped. I was no longer bleeding and I couldn't feel the weight of a child in my womb. He watched as my stomach slowly grew large again and then he started to pummel it with his fists until I was screaming and miscarried the baby. He continued to play through dozens of different scenarios to cause the death of my unborn child; from pushing me down a flight of stairs to throwing me to the ground so that he could kick my stomach repeatedly. After playing through each one hundreds of times over, he stopped and I was impaled on the rack again. I was sore, weeping and broken, but I was no longer carrying another baby in my stomach.** _

_**He walked up to me and lifted my chin up with the tip of a dagger asking, "You still with me Adelaide?"** _

_**I turned my eyes to him, but couldn't speak without slicing my skin on the sharp edge so I just narrowed my eyes in response.** _

_**He scoffed and replied, "Damn… You are."** _

_**Despite my better judgment, I continued to glare at him defiantly. Our eyes remained locked in a hate-filled staring contest until Sydney smirked and broke the contact. He snapped his fingers smugly and in the blink of an eye, we were no longer alone.** _

" _ **Hey Mum! Ooh that looks really uncomfortable," Toby commented cheerfully.**_

_**Sydney stepped up behind the young teen and gripped him by the shoulders. "Well if offing him in the womb won't break you, I'm sure that this will…"** _

_**As he raised his hands to Toby's head, Toby smiled brightly at me and I started struggling against my restraints stammering, "No… Don't… Don't…"** _

" _ **This IS going to be fun," Sydney said smiling as he took a hold of Toby's head and wrenched it nearly all the way around.**_

_**I heard the snap of each and every vertebrae, but could do nothing more than scream in protest of what I was witnessing. I tried to look away, but I couldn't take my eyes of his lifeless form as Sydney threw him to the ground like a piece of trash.** _

"TOBY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "NO! TOBY!"

"Addy… Addy! Wake up!" She called as she shook me awake as gently as possible.

My eyes flew open and I bolted into a seated position. She still somehow managed to maintain a firm grip on my shoulders as I tried to get my bearings.

"Oh my God… He… he killed Toby!" I gasped, desperately trying not to cry. "I have to check on him… Oh my… How could Syd…? He killed him."

"No, no he didn't. Addy… That was just a dream." She tried to soothe me by petting my hair and locking gazes with me. Normally that would have helped me to focus, but right now I was too frantic to be anywhere close to rational.

"No… No, it was more… I have to go to him… I have to check on him," I continued as I threw the covers back and jumped to my feet. "Sydney killed him… I saw him do it…"

"Addy, no he didn't. You can't go to him, it's too soon," the angel replied, following me as I paced around the room muttering to myself.

I stopped and desperately grabbed her arms trying to persuade. "Please? I just need to see him… to see that he's alive. Please? If he really didn't hurt him like you say, then it'll take just one look, okay?"

"Addy, even if it was allowed, I can't… I can't find him," she replied with a tone of sorrow and regret. "He's hidden from us…"

"But… Oh." I stopped as the reason hit me like a punch in the face. "Oh… You CAN'T because…"

"Yes, because of the sigils Castiel etched on his ribs," she finished for me.

I quickly looked around the room, but there were no clocks and the shades were drawn so I had no idea if it was day or night. She hadn't uttered an outright 'No', so I decided that I had to somehow convince her to let me see him.

"Wait. What time is it?"

She didn't have to check before replying, "It's just after midnight."

I sighed and tried to keep my emotions in check to that I could try to sway her and have her bend to my will. "Well… Umm 'Angel'… There's only one place that he would be at that time of day."

She smiled and blushed slightly. "My apologies... How rude of me not to introduce myself. I am called 'Ariel'."

I chuckled softly before I could stop myself and she added kindly, "I think Father was going through an '-iel' phase when he named some of my brothers and sisters and I. Now… I'm not promising you that I can take you there, but where would that 'only place' be?"

I smiled graciously trying to keep strong and answered, "His home… He would be home in bed… 323 Peach Street, Kidder, Iowa. Please Ariel? Please take me there."

She gave me a sad look and shook her head. "Let me see what I can do. But I'm not making you any promises Adelaide."

She disappeared quickly and I resumed my nervous pacing. Minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days and I was near ready to rip my hair out. As the time passed, the room started to feel like the walls were closing in on me, making me more apprehensive to get out of there. I tried to find a way out of the room, but there was no door. When I sprinted between the different window coverings and threw them open, I was met with nothing more than a solid wall. I was just about to breakdown in frustrated tears when I heard the sound of flapping wings.

"Okay," Ariel said quietly to the back of my head. "But…" She cautioned sternly as I turned around to face her. "You cannot under any circumstances interact with him. We've learned a few things since Dean Winchester was raised from perdition and we want to do this properly with you. So, you may see him, but nothing more."

A few grateful tears fell from my eyes as I promised, "I'll just look at him… That's all I need. Once I see that he's breathing… Alive…"

Before I was finished my declaration, Ariel touched my forehead and I was suddenly standing in Toby's room. I went to step forward, but froze in my spot when I noticed that he was starting to stir. I anticipated that he would just roll over and fall back asleep, but he instead sat up, looking like he was on high alert.

"Who's there?" Toby asked into the darkness.

I slunk back deeper into the shadows hoping that he would settle and go back to sleep.

 _Thank you God! He is okay!_ I thought to myself.

I then heard the distinct sound of a shotgun being cocked. "I should probably warn you, I'm a really good shot," he announced with deadly conviction. "Even if I can't see you."

I didn't want to break my promise to the angel that had rescued me, but I couldn't risk Toby waking his parents either.

"Buddy… It's me," I quietly said as he turned on a light. I had expected to see tears of relief or some other affirmation of love, but instead Toby leveled the shotgun to line up his shot and glared at me angrily.

"What are you?" He spat out with pure disdain.

I stepped over the salt line that circled his bed and quietly answered, "I'm me Toby. See? I can step over salt lines. I'm not a demon or a spirit."

He slowly lowered his firearm and I took that as Toby accepting my explanation. As such, I sat down on his bed feeling my relief wash over me. I tried to keep my hands to myself and folded them in my lap then lowered my head while I tried to find the words I knew he needed to hear so that I could comfort him and make him believe that I was truly myself.

"You should have picked a different face," he cautioned in a low, severe tone.

I opened my eyes and was just barely able to catch his hand as he lunged forward with my silver knife in hand. After a short struggle, I was able to wrestle the knife out of his hand and jumped off the bed. He was still hyperventilating and his cheeks were red with rage while I caught my breath looking down at the knife with the familiar rosewood handle branded with my initials in it.

"Tobs… Buddy, I'm not a shape shifter," I commented through my confusion. The teen maintained a look of pure hatred on his face, so I quickly added, "Here, I can prove it to you."

I slowly rolled back the sleeve of my shirt until the flesh was exposed past my elbow. Then, as I watched his face, I sliced into the skin close to my elbow. When he saw that my wound did nothing but bleed against the silver blade, his face softened, but I barely hear him whisper "Mum?" before I found myself back at my room in the Bed and Breakfast.

Ariel grabbed my injured arm scolding me, "What did you do to yourself Adelaide?"

My tears of remorse hit me hard and fast as I replied, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to talk to him, but he knew… He knew someone was there and I was worried he would wake Bill and Mo… I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Her features quickly returned to their more serene position as she healed my arm and tried to offer a comforting smile.

"It's alright. I know you didn't mean to do it on purpose. Now… It's late and you've been through so much, you should rest some more. Your poor voice needs to heal after all of this excitement you've had today."

She led me back to the bed and I crawled into it willingly, feeling beyond exhausted. After I was settled in a comfortable position, I looked over my shoulder at the angel and called out, "Ariel?"

"Addy! Resting your voice means no shouting," she gently admonished.

We shared a soft laugh and then I added, "Okay. I'm sorry, but just one more thing?"

She walked back to my side so that I could speak in a quieter tone and caressed my cheek nodding.

"Thank you for letting me see him."

Her hand traveled up to my forehead and she cracked another warm smile. "You're welcome. Now please, rest for me? I have to leave you for a while I take care of some damage control."

I immediately started to drift back to sleep and whispered another apology, but Ariel had already left so there was no way for me to know if she had heard it at all.

=====================================================  
                                                         Change of POV  
=====================================================

It stood up holding the knife that his dad had given her as a birthday gift when she was in high school. Now Toby wanted it more than dead… But he had to get her knife back first. It was going to pay for trying to impersonate her.

Toby refused to fall for any of its tricks, so he didn't let his angry glare soften in the least as it rolled its sleeve back. His eyes remained focused on the silver blade as it sliced into the skin on its left arm. Dean had already gone into graphic detail about how a creature's body would react to being injured by silver and when none of those reactions came to pass, his eyes shot up from the dark red stream on her arm to her face.

"Mum?" He questioned hoarsely in utter disbelief.

She started to smile warmly, but he blinked and then she was gone. Her knife fell to the ground and he remained on his bed, completely stunned. When he could breathe again, he leaned over and picked up the knife to examine the blade.

"No blood," he muttered to no one in particular.

He sat back against his headboard with his eyes closed as he replayed everything over in his head. The night's events had happened so quickly that he was now questioning if any of it had really happened at all. Maybe there hadn't actually been another person in his room tonight. Since her funeral, he had been having some very vivid dreams that she was still alive… Maybe this was just another one of those… But he swore he could still smell her perfume lingering like it hadn't since she lived there.

Plus, his Mom and Pop didn't storm into his room, so he couldn't have actually been arguing with anyone. He had shouted, hadn't he? There's no way they would have ignored their son possibly being in peril. He looked at the blade closely one last time before placing it back under his pillow and settling under the covers.

Once his light was out and he had fallen back asleep, Ariel stepped out from her hiding place and sighed. She was still smiling to herself when she returned to Addy's room because Toby had effectively talked himself out of believing that his mother's visit was real so any interventions on her part were no longer required.

She watched as Addy become somewhat fitful in her sleep and frowned knowing what nightmares were playing out in her mind right now. Hell wasn't a place that would be easily forgotten, but the angel knew that with her help, her charge would survive it… Yes, she would survive it even better then the Winchester had because she understood how to care for a human better than Castiel could ever hope to be.

Addy started mumbling in her sleep and threatened to wake up again, so Ariel touched her head softly to ease her mind back into a dreamless sleep. The angel knew that her memories would catch up with her again sooner or later, but for now, she only acknowledged that Addy really just needed to rest after all of the days excitement.


	4. But Someone Had to Be the First to Break

_**When Toby woke up the next morning, he immediately made his way to the kitchen while still trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. When he reached the top of the stairs, he nearly tripped and toppled down them because he hadn't remembered falling asleep at the Farm House the night before. His heart was racing from the near miss, so he stayed stationary until he caught his breath and felt a lot calmer.** _

**How did I forget that I was here? I guess I must have been more tired than I thought I was** _**, he thought to himself once he started to descend the stairs.** _

_**As soon as he hit the living room floor, he could smell the intoxicating aroma of the breakfast that was being prepared. Unexpectedly, he laughed out loud at the thought.** _

**Seriously? Dad's cooking me breakfast? Now this I have GOT to see!**

_**Toby nearly tripped over his feet as he started to sprint towards the kitchen, laughing all the while. As he approached the other room, Toby finally slowed his pace and then he stood in the doorway completely stunned at the scene before him.** _

" _ **I would catch a grenade for you… Throw my head on a blade for you…" He heard the chef singing cheerfully along with the radio.**_

_**Toby tried to speak, really he did, but his words seemed to have gotten caught somewhere in his throat. Then without his consent or knowledge, his brain stopped functioning properly as well. After his brain stopped communicating with his muscles, Toby's knees gave out and he just barely got a strong grip on the door's frame before he fell over.** _

" _ **Oh hey there sleepy head! Are you doing alright Buddy?"**_

_**Toby nodded, staring dumbly at the stove as he somehow managed to slink over to the island and sit on a stool before he actually managed to fall down gracelessly.** _

" _ **Oh… You're going to eat over here? Are you sure you didn't want to eat over at the table?"**_

_**He shook his head with his mouth hanging open, pulling his plate of food closer to himself. He cut his food without diverting his eyes away from the stove, but he finally did turn his head in the direction of the breakfast nook as he took a bite when he heard a soft noise. He had barely started to chew his food when the originator of the noise came into view and he immediately choke on his mouthful.** _

" _ **Toby! TOBY! Are you okay?" His mother questioned worriedly as she hit him hard on his back, trying desperately to help him clear his airway. "Buddy! Here, have some water… Maybe it'll help you."**_

_**He took the glass and gulped down a few mouthfuls as Addy started to gently rub his back saying, "Geez… You gave us quite a scare there Toby. Are you okay? Seriously, Buddy are you going to be alright?"** _

" _ **Yeah… Mum, I'm good now, promise. I'm sorry I scared you."**_

_**She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and squeezed him briefly against her torso before she placed a quick kiss on his head.** _

" _ **That's alright, no worries. Here, why don't we go and sit at the table? It might be easier for you to eat over there," she teased as she carried his plate over to the Breakfast Nook along with a smaller bowl in her other hand.**_

_**He remained completely mute and sat down, but he watched her instead of starting to try to eat again. She sat down on the opposite side of the table from him and pulled the high chair towards herself while chattering excitedly to the small child in the chair.** _

" _ **Yes… Your big brother sure did sleep in, didn't he Victoria? Then he goes and scares us both like that… Not very nice of him, eh?"**_

_**Addy then picked up the bowl that she had carried over and started spoon feeding his sister but asked him, "So… You guys were out pretty late last night celebrating. Do y'all have any other plans for today at all?"** _

_**He stared at the back of her head and then managed somehow to turn his eyes in the direction of his sister.** _

**WHAT? How is she like two already? Wait! How old am I here?**

_**When he hesitated and didn't reply, his mother pried her eyes away from the toddler and half turned her body towards him.** _

" _ **Toby? Seriously, what is up with you today? You aren't…? You…?" She leaned away forward away from Victoria and quietly finished, "You weren't drinking last night, were you? Are you hung-over?"**_

_**He didn't attempt to hide that he was taken aback by her question and then he laughed uncomfortably answering, "No… Mum I'm not old enough to drink."** _

_**She smiled slyly, sat back on her chair and turned her attention back to feeding his sister.** _

" _ **Sure… Okay Tobs. I'll just pretend that I don't know that Dean gave you a beer during your party on your last birthday. But just promise me that if you go to a party where people are drinking and such that you won't accept a ride with anyone who's been drinking, I don't care how little they say they've had, okay? That's all I ask."**_

_**Toby scowled and tried to wrap his head around all of the information that his Mum was telling him.** _

**Okay… So I'm still 'ME', right? But… What the hell is going on?**

_**She continued talking to him, but Toby barely heard anything that she was telling him about how Dean would snag a beer here or there when he was Toby's age without his Grandpa John knowing or caring… Then she might have been continuing on to tell him that IF she had of actually gone to any parties while she was in high school, she probably would have drank with her friends when she was fifteen too, but he couldn't really be sure.** _

" _ **But you do understand, right Toby?"**_

_**He hadn't actually heard anything that she had said, but he could tell from the look on his Mum's face that it was fairly serious and required some sort of an answer from him.** _

" _ **Of course Mum. I understand and I promise that I will."**_

" _ **Good… Because you know, if I can't trust you to be upfront with Dean and me, then I guess that I'll just have to keep Phantom all to myself," she teased with a wink.**_

" _ **No! No! You can trust me. I swear you can Mum!" Toby proclaimed with a chuckle.**_

" _ **Good to hear. Now, eat up before your breakfast gets cold. Right Victoria? Your big brother doesn't like eating his num nums when it's cold, right?"**_

_**He nodded then once again started cutting up his meal while she sat watching him. He only stopped once she started lavishing Victoria with affection once again because he wanted to ask her a bunch of questions about this situation he found himself in, but then his stomach started to ache. So, he decided to focus on his incredible hunger pains instead of the questions that kept popping into his head.** _

_**As he ate, the two of them fell into a comfortable conversation where he learned that his varsity baseball team had just won the district finals tournament and he had been named MVP. On top of that, his Dad and Uncle were working on a difficult case and Toby was helping with research as usual. Since he had no idea what case his Mum was referring to, he just answered with a vague, "Haven't found anything concrete yet," when she inquired about how things were developing on his end.** _

" _ **Yeah… He was worried about that. So…"**_

_**Before Addy could complete her thought, they both paused when they heard the back door open.** _

" _ **Hey Buddy!" Dean greeted cheerfully. "You finally decided to join the land of the living, huh? What time did you finally get in last night?"**_

_**Toby swallowed his last mouthful of food hard and then replied, "Umm… I'm not really sure… Umm… Late?"** _

_**His parents exchanged a highly amused look and then Dean clamped a strong hand down on Toby's shoulder saying, "Hey, it's okay Buddy. You know that the two of us have already told you that as long as we know where you are and who you're with, you won't have a curfew when you stay with us… And Mo and Bill still don't have to know about our arrangement. Alright?"** _

_**Toby smiled at both of his birth parents then replied, "Honestly Dad, I totally lost track of time, so I'm really not sure what time I got in."** _

" _ **Well I can't say that I haven't been there Tobs… So… Are you all packed up and ready to head out with me and your Uncle Sam?"**_

_**Dean didn't really wait at all for his son's reply before moving toward the two females on the other side of the table.** _

" _ **Hey there Baby Girl… Did you miss your Daddy while I was stuck working outside all by myself?"**_

_**Toby watched in amusement as his father stretched his arms out towards his sister but his mother quickly smacked them away. Addy picked Victoria up and moved away from Dean as she scolded him, "Dean! You are NOT going to touch her with your grimy hands again! I told you that you should clean up in the garage when you were done working on the Impala's engine. Now go! Get away!"** _

" _ **But Laaayyy! I missed her so much and look! She missed me too!" He countered as he slowly moved towards the retreating mother.**_

" _ **No Dean! She was in tears last time while I scrubbed the grease out of her hair. Now go! Go and wash your hands first and then you can play with her all you want," Addy proclaimed as she struggled to balance the fussy two year old while trying to move further away from Dean.**_

_**They both heard Toby snort in a laugh and turned to look at him. He wasn't about to get in the middle of their playful fight, so he stood up and took his plate to the sink saying through his laughter, "Umm… I think that I'm going to head upstairs and triple check that I have everything that I need packed up."** _

" _ **Geez! Thanks soo much for the backup there Toby!" His mother called after him once he moved out of the room.**_

_**He was set on heading upstairs and only paused for a moment when he heard, "Dean! I mean it! Dean! DAMN IT! FINE! But… YOU get to be the bad guy this time! I'm not bathing her with all that grease on her!" before continuing to his room, laughing all the while.** _

This time when Toby woke up, he could feel that his pillow had been moistened by his tears. He didn't make a move to get out of bed and just rolled over onto his back thinking, _Now that… That was a dream, right? Mum… She never had another baby before she… she… And she's… Mum's gone, right? Right?_

A quick check of his clock told him that it was really quite early in the day. With everything that had been going on lately, he knew that there was no way his Mom and Pop would be upset if he decided to start his day at this hour. He snaked his right hand under his pillow to retrieve her knife as his left hand turned on his bedside lamp so he could inspect the blade once again.

He looked at the blade, knowing that it would most likely just be its smooth, pristine silver self. But then he noticed that at the base of it, right where the silver metal connected with the rosewood hilt, that there were a couple of dark droplets that he hadn't seen before.

 _Blood!_ He thought touching it gingerly. _I JUST cleaned it, so that is definitely new!_

Toby rolled out of bed and crawled to the spot where she had been standing to check for any other evidence of her presence. There was no blood on the carpet where the knife had dented the fibers that he could immediately see. Just to be sure, Toby dug his fingers into the carpet, but he still didn't find anything there amongst the carpet fibers that he had secretly hoped for.

_Okay… Where else was she in the room? Think Toby, think!_

He surveyed the room from his spot on the floor, desperately hoping that an idea would jump out at him. From what he could recall, she had been by the window and then she walked over to his bed and sat down on it… There had to be something in this room that proved that… If it really happened.

_SALT LINE!_

His heart skipped a beat because at the foot of his bed, he noticed that his salt like had in fact been disturbed. Dean chuckled every time when Toby was in charge of laying down the lines because Toby always made sure that the one by his bed or door jamb was the thickest. His father would comment every time that just because the salt like was wider didn't make it any safer. Toby knew that was true, but he still continued to do it anyway.

Now his line had a foot print in it, so he crawled over to investigate it. The print looked way too small to be his own, but he still stood up and placed his foot beside it to compare sizes. It also looked like it was just the ball of the person's foot that made it, which further confirmed in his mind that it had to be hers.

_Was she wearing heels when she was here? Yeah, she was, right?_

He placed his hand on the foot print and soon felt tears as they dripped onto his skin.

"Mum," he whispered to himself. "I need you to come back. Please? I miss you…"

As the realization of the truth of what had happened hit him, Toby broke down into tears. He hadn't really allowed himself to cry much after he had found her in the living room because he had wanted to prove his 'strength' to his family, but now that she had come back to him, his feelings of relief over-powered him and Toby relented completely to it.

"Mum…"

==========================================                                          
                                   Change of POV  
==========================================

He leaned down and quickly swallowed my cries with a kiss.

"Lay… Shh… You're going to wake Bobby up."

I planted my feet on the mattress with my legs still firmly wrapped around his thighs in an attempt to shift my hips under his weight, panting out, "It's… your… fault… Dean… Keep… hitting… that… spot."

He smiled down at me devilishly with a twinkle in his eye as he slowed his thrusts trying to hit the spot again and again. I released his arms from my death grip to grab a pillow then stifled my blissful scream. He would have laughed at me, but his own orgasm hit him, rendering him completely mute.

We stared at each other then Dean leaned down and kissed me softly. His forehead crinkled in thought, but he didn't say anything while he pushed some sweaty hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. While I watched him, I stayed completely still, trying my best to catch my breath. Even though I willed my heart to slow down, it just continued to beat erratically from me being this close to him.

When he rolled onto his back, he broke any and all physical contact for the first time in what felt like hours. Dean then folded his hands over his stomach and stared at the ceiling deep in his own thoughts. I flipped over and moved closer to him but refrained from speaking. He looked like he was trying to solve some sort of a puzzle, so I wanted to give him time to think… Even if this was just one of the hottest dreams that I had ever had, so Dean's internal struggle should have been easy for me to ignore in favor of carnal pleasure.

Dean finally turned his eyes towards me when I kissed his shoulder and slid my hand over his torso towards both of his so that I could hug his side.

"This is when you usually disappear without a word," he announced softly.

There was no anger or accusation in his tone, so I continued lavishing his flesh with kisses until I reached his ear.

"Well, I'm still here, so why don't we play out the rest of my fantasy?"

I straddled his waist and sat up on his stomach while I awaited his reply. He followed my movements with his sad eyes but moved nothing else. I desperately wanted to keep this dream going, but I couldn't figure out why Dean was being so hesitant right now. I started tracing an invisible line down his chest from a scar to a freckle to a healing cut to a bruise until I reached his still folded hands.

I gently unlaced his fingers to place his hands on my hips but stopped when I saw his left hand.

"Dean? Is that…?"

He nodded and pulled his hand out of my grasp. When he started to speak, he twisted the ring on his finger, staring at it sadly and sounded like he was talking to someone who wasn't actually there.

"Toby and I got the envelopes you left for us…" He looked up from his hands at me then caressed my cheek with his left hand so that I could feel Poppy's ring lightly scraping the skin on my cheek as he continued, "I wish I could have thanked you… For everything… And I wish I could have apologized to you too."

His voice broke slightly, but he managed not to cry somehow. I held his hand that was lightly touching my face and kissed his palm.

"It's okay Dean… Let's not talk about all of that now…"

I felt like he was looking through me as he said, "I miss you so much. Why did you leave me?"

I bent down and kissed him. "I'm sorry Dean. Let me make it up to you." I gently rocked my hips and his hands immediately moved to my sides. "Make love to me Dean."

He smiled against my lips and started repositioning himself asking, "So what fantasy is this one?"

After we were reconnected, I rolled my hips slowly and moved my mouth to his ear. "This one? It's just being with you Dean… That's my only fantasy."

His hips thrust up hard in reply, but after that he let me control the pace once again. As I started to feel my climax building, I threw my head back and started chanting, "Yes… Dean… Yes…"

He squeezed my hips hard which brought me somewhat out of my trance. I bit down on my lip and smiled down at him apologetically. He then moved his left hand up to my right breast and started to massage it softly.

"Dean," I growled in the back of my throat.

It was meant to be a warning, but Dean took it as a challenge. He pushed himself into a seated position so that he could clamp his lips onto my scarred collarbone.

"De… Ee... Eean," I nearly whimpered, trying to keep from raising my voice.

He chuckled against my skin then quietly said, "Do I make you want to scream?"

I tried to glare at him, but my pleasure ripped through me hard. I grabbed the sides of his head to cry out loudly into his mouth, pushing him completely over the edge.

I continued kissing him, saying between my embraces, "Bastard. You're playing dirty."

He laid back down and ran his hands up and down my back, smiling smugly.

"Well, I learned from the master."

We shared another soft kiss and then I made myself comfortable on my side next to him. He moved in closer so that my back was flush against his chest. Once his left arm was draped over me, I picked up his hand and kissed the back of each of his fingers.

"This was another fantasy of mine," I told him with a tear filled tone once I reached the finger with the ring.

He kissed my neck and held me tight, but before he could speak I blurted out, "Dean? Are you seriously ready to go again?"

He gently grabbed my inner thigh to move my leg back and over his hip. As I felt him guide himself into me once again he whispered, "Maybe you won't disappear on me if we keep going at it."

My hand found his to help him position himself, but I didn't say anything else. Dean placed his chin on my shoulder to start nibbling on my earlobe and all I could think was, _A night filled with the hottest sex ever with Dean? Thank you God! Best dream ever!_

The sun hit Dean's face, forcing him to open his eyes. He found himself laying on his side with his arm stretched over the empty half of his bed as if he had been holding someone in his arms, but no one else was present. He tenderly rubbed the mattress and sighed sadly that it was completely cold.

Reluctantly he threw the covers off his body and stared down at his naked body. He sat up on the bed trying to remember anything about the night before. He didn't have a headache or dry mouth that normally accompanied a hangover, so he was pretty sure that he hadn't passed out after drinking too much… yet again. But memory of his dream of being with Addy came back fleetingly and he smiled.

He slowly walked around the room to pick up his randomly discarded clothes, shaking his head all the while. Maybe he had finished that bottle of Jack he cracked open last night.

In the kitchen, he nodded politely at Bobby before helping himself to a mug of coffee. Bobby shook his head then turned back to the food he was cooking on the stove. He didn't hesitate to split the meal into two equal portions on two plates then met Dean at the kitchen table.

Dean smiled appreciatively as he started to devour the meal presented to him. He hadn't noticed any of the looks that Bobby had given him up until now, but he did finally look up when the older male cleared his throat dramatically.

"What's up Bobby?" Dean asked innocently.

Bobby took a long drink of his water, but after swallowing he still looked very troubled. His face scrunched up into a frustrated look, but he soldiered on and said, "Look son, I'm not one to judge because frankly I'm happy that you're moving on… But Dean… Don't you think that you should be focusing on Sam right now?"

Dean put down his fork at that question and stared at Bobby dumbly.

"I mean," the older male continued uncomfortably. "Maybe you should call Cas and check to see if what Death did worked, is all… You know instead of bringing home some random girl from the bar and making her sneak off before morning."

Dean had to spit out his coffee so that he could ask, "You… you heard her?"


	5. We Can Go Sit on Your Back Porch... Relax

Toby started pulling out every book that he could think of out of the library which had deemed would be even remotely helpful. He had told his Mom and Pop that he wouldn't be coming straight home from school because he had a research project that he needed to complete as soon as possible. He knew that he would feel too guilty to concentrate if he had flat out lied to them and this way he pretty much told them the truth. It wasn't his fault if they assumed that he was going to a classmate's house instead of riding his bike to the Farm House. It also wasn't really his fault that he had taken off for school so quickly that he didn't give them any chances to ask follow up questions.

The previous night, he had made a list of different things that he would need to research to get to the bottom of what had happened a couple of nights ago. Before going to bed, he went over the list and started crossing off things that he knew for sure weren't viable leads (but were added to the list to ensure that he let the brainstorming flow). At first he thought that maybe she could be some kind of an astral projection, but that idea got quickly tossed away along with any theories of her being any type of spirit. For one, she stepped over the salt line and then she wrestled her knife away from him. He had woken up with a faint bruise (that kept blossoming into today) that he knew she had given him when she finally got the knife out of his hand.

She WAS corporeal, that was for sure. In his gut he still kept feeling like she was a demon or at least some sort of shape shifter. But the evidence told him that there was no way that she could have been one. He had confirmation that she could bleed, so she was made of flesh, but why didn't the wound react to the silver blade? Could it have tricked him? Made him see something that wasn't there? Or kept him from seeing something that had actually happened?

He slammed down his last book in frustration because of these texts were telling the same thing over and over; she had passed all of the tests, but in the back of his mind he thought that there was no way that she wasn't some type of creature. He knew that he should call Bobby to ask for his help because he might have a few theories that Toby hadn't thought of, but he didn't want to say anything to anyone until he had more details. He was worried that if he told Bobby then Bobby would tell Dean. And if Dean found out then he might rush back here which Toby knew would be completely fruitless. She wasn't actually here anymore, so telling anyone about her visit would have to wait. He could refocus his energy to find her after he figured out what she was. If he knew what she was, then he might have some idea of what brought her back, which would eventually help him to finally find her.

His frustration was becoming incapacitating, so he decided to change his tactics for a bit. Well, he figured that he should take a break. He picked up a couple of books that he thought were his Mum's journals to help to momentarily take his mind off the fact that she had in fact died at all. Since he had inherited them, Toby had habitually fallen asleep while reading her thoughts from when she was pregnant with him. He felt that her words were more than just her jotting down her thought and feelings, instead he felt like every word had been written down just for him. He knew that she had edited the content of some of them just for him, but when he and his Dad had packed up her belongings, Toby had found some of the original texts. He put a few of them aside hoping that Dean wouldn't notice and so far it appeared that he didn't and those journals gave him the same impression.

He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, but some of his favorites to read were the ones from when she was hunting completely on her own. She had always told him about the hunts that she had completed, but back then he knew she hadn't told him all of the details. He didn't blame her for that because he probably would have had more nightmares that he did during his youth if she had, but having those details now could only help him in the future. He wanted to take each one of these on at some point, so having her descriptions of what they were, where to find them and how to kill them in these volumes was the best gift that she could ever have given him.

He opened the journal thinking that he would continue the story that he had started the last time that he was here. His Mum had been hunting something, but she hadn't figured out what it was yet. He had been trying to figure it out along with her from her case details and he was eager to find out if any of his theories were correct. He had his money on it being a shape shifter, but there wasn't any absolute proof as of yet.

He quickly flipped to the page where he remembered leaving off and frowned when the first words he read were 'Dean', 'Hell', 'Angel' and 'Perdition'. The journal looked identical to the other one, but this one was newer. Without having to read through the whole thing, he knew it was from when his Dad's deal came due nearly four years ago. Dean had already assured him that there was no way that his mother's death could have been the end result of a deal with a demon, so he knew he didn't have much need for any knowledge of how to retrieve a soul from Hell at this time.

Toby could see the frustration and anger she felt back then by how her writing changed. _I hear ya Mum,_ he thought to himself with a sad laugh. The long and short of everything she found boiled down to three words that she wrote out in very large capital letters with a Sharpie across one page: ONLY AN ANGEL!

He laughed despite himself and held onto his St Hubert medallion thinking, _Thank God we have Castiel._

Toby put that journal back into the box then rooted around until he found its twin. In the book that he had actually been reading, he had remembered to dog ear the page where he had left off, so it was easy for him to pick up from there. The narrative started to shift from reading like a storybook to some more clinical notations about the new details she had uncovered.

When he finally got to the conclusion, he cursed out a soft, "Oh fuck!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he quickly checked around the room with a look of guilty remorse. Even though he was alone, he still felt like his Mom would hear him curse and that she would punish him for it. The first (and only) time that Maureen heard him utter a forbidden four lettered word, he had been grounded worse than the punishment that Addy had set out as result of his one and only fight at school. Maureen had walked him to and from school every day for a week, he wasn't allowed any TV and the computer was only turned on so that he could type out an assignment. When Addy or Dean had called him, Maureen called them back on the house line so that she could easily end the conversation after her allotted ten minutes.

To say that Toby was worried about how his Mom would increase the severity of his punishment for a second offense would be putting it mildly. He knew she didn't take being disobeyed lightly and he would willingly admit that he was a little bit afraid of her.

His eyes swept around the room one more time to reassure himself that he was in fact still alone before continuing on. His Mum had been similarly frustrated because her foe had covered its tracks beautifully. In the end she found out that it wasn't a shape shifter, but a witch she was hunting. This particular witch could use a glamor to look like anyone or anything she desired, which was what caused Addy's confusion.

Witches weren't something that he had helped either his Mum or Dean with, so he knew he would have to do some more research on them. Luckily, his Mum had had the same thought pattern and had noted everything she had learned about them over the next couple of pages. He learned that witches were humans that had sold their souls to a demon for absolute power. There really wasn't any way to tell a witch from a regular human because most used powers to alter their appearance. They usually went after people that they had marked as 'deserving' punishment and hex bags were their weapon of choice to place a target on their victim's back.

"OH CRAP!" Toby gasped when he realized that when he was trying to find any evidence of his Mum in his room, he really hadn't looked thoroughly for something like that.

Toby quickly jumped up, leaving the journal discarded and open on the couch, to grab his jacket and peddle home as quickly as possible.

========================================  
                                       Back at Bobby's  
========================================

"… You know instead of bringing home some random girl from the bar and making her sneak off before morning."

Dean had to spit out his coffee so that he could ask, "You… You heard her?"

"Son… Despite the acres of scrap yard between us, I'm pretty sure the neighbors heard her," Bobby answered with a mildly sarcastic tone and pointedly didn't look at Dean in the face. As he played with his food Bobby continued, "It's not that you being with anyone bothers me… It's a free country… But I just don't think it's wise having a stranger in the house when Sam's out of commission like this."

Dean's cheeks were burning hot with embarrassment, so he quickly stood up and carried his dishes to the sink to avoid looking at Bobby.

 _No! No way! I only **DREAMT** that Lay was here. There is NO way I picked up some random chick so I could replace her,_ he thought stroking his wedding band. _No way! Hell… Did I even leave the house yesterday?_

"No Bobby, you're wrong," Dean finally replied aloud without much conviction behind it.

"Dean… Son…I know what I heard," Bobby solemnly stated while patting Dean on the back. He noticed the item that had held Dean's attention and added, "Son… It isn't like you're cheating on her… She would have wanted you to be happy."

Dean's hand suddenly flew out to smack Bobby's comforting hand away from his body as he turned to face the older man. Bobby took a couple of steps back in response and held his hands up in a sign of surrender. If Dean wasn't willing to admit the truth, then Bobby wasn't going to push. He knew that the younger hunter had had his heart ripped out and stomped on over the past couple of months and he didn't want to cause Dean any more pain. Bobby didn't really remember much about the last six months that followed his own wife's death, so he wasn't about to play the moral superiority card with Dean right now.

"No Bobby it was a dream," Dean started in a low, malicious tone. "I don't know what you think you heard, but you're mistaken. It was just a dream."

"Son," Bobby replied sadly. "Just because a girl gives you a name like 'Candy' and lets you do whatever you want to her body, doesn't mean that you get to write it off as a dream."

"NO!" Dean shouted as fire and violence rose into his eyes. He gripped his ring tightly as he continued angrily, "I haven't been with anyone since… since… her. I don't care what you think you overheard, but I didn't even fucking leave the house yesterday! I was by Sam's side all fucking day! So if you're hearing things, that's your problem, not mine!"

They both stared at each other and once Dean appeared to have calmed down a bit, Bobby opened his mouth to speak.

"IT WAS A DREAM!" Dean interrupted as he walked towards the basement door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check on Sam."

Bobby stood there, too stunned to move. He and Dean had had a few shouting matches over the years, but he knew that Dean was never this passionate when he was lying. Maybe Bobby had been mistaken; maybe he hadn't heard what he thought he heard. Maybe Dean had just finally moved that TV to his room like he kept saying that he was going to.

Dean stomped towards the door of the Panic Room and opened the peep hole to check on his brother. He was still lying there with his eyes closed with a familiar serene look on his face while he remained in a coma.

 _"You don't think he'll know, do you?"_ Dean heard her voice echo as he turned away from the door.

He kept telling himself that that was the only bed where he and Addy had had sex at Bobby's house. He started twisting his wedding ring thinking, _Yeah; last night was just a dream. A fucking hot, steamy, wet dream, but still just a dream._

**_Dean leaned over, bunched her hair together to toss it over her shoulder and kissed a spot in between her shoulder blades._ **

**_"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish and apparently I'll be your fantasy," he whispered as he peppered her upper back with soft embraces._ **

**_"You are such a dork," Addy laughed into her pillow before looking over her shoulder towards him._ **

**_"It woke you up though… Now come on, I don't want you to disappear on me again, so you have to wake up," Dean instructed as he knelt in between her legs._ **

**_Addy pushed herself up onto her elbows so that she could see better in his spot behind her and asked, "You're already prepped to go another round? Are you sure that's wise Dean? I mean, didn't you just prove that I've already fucked you stupid? If we keep going you might not be able to remember how to aim your Colt properly and then where would we be?"_ **

**_He slowly wrapped his arm around her waist to coax her into a kneeling position as he pressed up against her back saying, "Well I would make love to you until I've forgotten my own name if it means that you'll stay here with me."_ **

**_She shuddered in a sigh as he penetrated her and she leaned forward to grip the headboard for stability. There were so many things that she wanted to tell him right then, but she just focused on the feelings of absolute bliss that were coursing through her body at the moment. She yelped with surprise when Dean bit down on her shoulder to stifle his climatic cries then nearly fell onto her stomach as his weight blanketed her body._ **

**_Before she could register what he was doing, Dean flipped her onto her back and kissed her deeply. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in closer._ **

**_"Holy shit Dean, what are you on?" She asked through bated breath as he plunged into her in one smooth thrust._ **

**_"You tell me and we'll both know," he replied in a staccato fashion that matched the beat of his thrusts._ **

**_After they each worked through their… Well by this point they'd lost count how many times they had climaxed, Addy snuggled into Dean's side. He squeezed the arm he had wrapped around her and maintained an almost uncomfortable grip on her body._ **

**_"Dean?" She asked softly with her head resting on his shoulder._ **

**_"Hmm?" He responded sleepily._ **

**_She pushed herself up to look down at him. When she saw that his eyes were closed and that he had a contented smile on his face, she just placed her head back on his shoulder without another word spoken. He rolled over onto his side in what she thought was his sleep and wrapped his other arm around her and she settled herself in his arms with her head at an awkward angle so she could still breath._ **

**_"Just give me a minute Lay and then we can go another round. You get to choose the position this time."_ **

**_She chuckled softly then kissed his tattoo. "I wish I could just lay like this forever," she commented softly against his chest._ **

**_He squeezed her, kissed her head and then said, "Now who's the one that's been fucked stupid?"_ **

Dean was brought out of his reverie about the night before when he heard the rustle of wings and could feel that he was no longer alone in the basement.

"My apologies Dean… I didn't mean to interrupt your daydream, but Bobby called and said that you urgently required my assistance," Castiel apologized in his deep monotone while avoiding eye contact.

Dean could see the pink blush that crept from the angel's cheeks to his neck and realized that he must have seen everything that Dean had been thinking about.

 _Serves you right, perv,_ Dean joked telepathically.

Castiel's eyes shot up to Dean's face and he visibly relaxed after they shared a friendly smile.

"So Cas before you head in there, can I ask you something?" After a firm nod from the angel, Dean continued, "I know things are really hectic in heaven and all, but I was wondering… Have you seen…? I mean is she…?"

"I'm sorry Dean, I haven't been able to sense Adelaide's soul in heaven," Castiel cut in knowing that Dean had wanted to ask him that question for some time now.

"Oh… So does that mean… Is she…?" Dean's face scrunched up in distressed confusion as he tried to decide if he wanted to ask his question. Even worse, he wasn't sure that he wanted to know the answer.

"It means that heaven is in turmoil and I haven't been able to sense her. It takes a great deal of concentration to find one single soul in heaven and right now I haven't had an opportunity to have the solitude required to achieve that," Castiel mercifully interrupted once again. "Now, Bobby said that something has happened to Sam?"

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. "Death… He uhh… He got Sam's soul out of the cage…"

Castiel's jaw clenched into a hard line as he shot Dean a steely glare that forced the hunter to take a step away from him, but remained completely mute. The angel had already voiced his disapproval of this course of action on numerous occasions, although he knew that he shouldn't be surprised that Dean Winchester went and did the exact opposite of his wishes… Again. Castiel thought that they had reached a mutual understanding of respect, but now he realized that even though he was willing to make drastic compromises for his friend, the feeling was not reciprocated. Dean Winchester seemed to prove to the angel on daily basis that with his stubbornness and self-righteous attitude that he truly was Michael's perfect vessel.

Castiel knew that admonishing the hunter would yield nothing more than frustration, so he silently turned and entered the Panic Room rolling up his sleeves.

=====================================  
                                    Change of POV  
=====================================

When I woke up, I still had Dean's scent in my nostrils. Before opening my eyes, I foolishly allowed myself to believe that I was still at Bobby's and not at the Bed and Breakfast. I stretched slightly and inhaled a deep breath, which resulted in my nose being filled with the scent of fresh cut flowers. Today Ariel had filled the room with roses of every shape and color. The room looked absolutely beautiful, so I took a moment to take it all in with reverent appreciation.

Today was the first day that I had woken up alone, so I sat up on the bed and looked around the room with an expectant eye. I was sure that Ariel would pop into the room at any moment, so I tried my best to brace myself for her 'surprising' arrival. When that didn't happen, I eased into the routine I had started since arriving here without skipping a beat: Find a fresh change of clothes, shower and then find something to eat because I always woke up famished and feeling like I had put in a full work out routine before going to bed.

When I emerged refreshed from the hot shower, I stepped back into my room where I was met by my angel. I placed my laundry in the hamper and smiled brightly, asking in a light hearted tone, "G'day Ariel. Please tell me you've been an absolute angel and brought me a big juicy steak. I have the hugest craving for red meat right now."

She scowled solemnly and shook her head and then suddenly there were two men in suits on either side of me. Other than the night when she had let me check on Toby, I hadn't been allowed to see anyone (other than Dean in my wildly realistic dreams), so the presence of anyone else close to me immediately put me on the defensive. When one of them stepped closer to me I started itemizing all of the defensive moves I could use if either of them grabbed me.

All three laughed a little too loudly for my liking and I felt myself visibly shrink back.

_Fuck! They can hear my fucking thoughts._

Ariel lifted a well-coiffed eyebrow and finally spoke, "Yes, we can Adelaide. But you knew that already. Just relax… We just need to do a quick examination. Now, your behavior during it will determine which meal you will receive to nourish your body."

I looked beyond her and saw that on one table there was a perfectly prepared Kobe beef steak dinner, complete with mashed potatoes and chocolate cake. On the other table there was a meal with steamed vegetables and a plain chicken breast. It resembled something that my Mum had forced me to eat while I was pregnant with Toby because, in her words, it would help to ensure that I would have a healthy baby. I still think she secretly did it as a form of punishment for my disappointing her because my Mum was slightly devious that way… And I loved her even more for it.

I nodded softly and then whispered, "Okay."

Ariel jutted her chin in the direction of each of the males and they grabbed my arms roughly. As soon as they touched me, my skin started to crawl so I instinctively started to struggle against them. As I wriggled in their grasp, their grip constricted so tightly on my arms that I thought my bones might break.

The female angel stepped forward and for a brief moment I thought I saw her sneer as she placed her hand on my abdomen.

"Just relax Addy and this won't hurt… much."


	6. Talk About Anything

"I'm sorry Dean, but I warned you not to put that thing back inside him," Castiel clarified without attempting to hide his annoyance.

Dean gave him an exasperated look replying, "What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around, hope he doesn't open fire? Come on Cas, I'm going crazy here! I can't save… her, but I COULD fix him, so how could I not try?"

As he spoke, Castiel stepped closer to Dean, until they were practically nose to nose and continued his commentary in a highly irritated tone, "Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it… Like it had been skinned alive. Dean, if you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it out right. And quit using Adelaide as a scapegoat. You did this for you and nobody else."

As soon as he spoke his mind, Castiel exited Bobby basement. He left knowing that he had most likely angered Dean, but right now the angel tried to just shut that thought out because he had his own issues to deal with at the moment. Dean had maintained that he didn't just do this for himself, but Castiel knew different. Dean was in vortex of despair and was willing to do anything to ease his pain, no matter how stupid and risky it was.

The angel knew that he wouldn't have long before he was called back to his duties in Heaven. His brothers and sisters depended on him in a way that he never knew would be possible. He had always towed the party line when it came to his family, but then he met Dean Winchester. It had been he himself, Castiel that had pried the knife out of Dean's hand while he was torturing a soul, so that he could pull Dean's soul out of Hell and return it to his decaying body. That was when the seed for change had been planted in Castiel's mind.

He had known that his world would never be the same again, but Castiel had thought that it would because of his time spent in Hell… He never knew that this one man would cause such a monumental transformation in the angel. Dean Winchester had opened up a part of his heart and mind that Dean and Sam then infiltrated and now Castiel's love for mankind had grown exponentially. What surprised the angel the most was that he felt that his fondness for his Father's creations was now inexplicably connected to Dean and Sam's personal connections on Earth.

As such, he felt Dean undeniable sadness at the loss of his of his soul-mate. When Dean had called for his help the last time he went up against Crowley and Meg, Castiel had finally seen a part of Dean's heart that Dean had managed to keep hidden from everyone (including Dean himself) and Castiel saw the markings no one had acknowledge in the past. One of his brothers, from the Cherubic line, had marked Adelaide as Dean's perfect match. Dean could never know that his only happiness and sense of fulfillment would come when he was with that one woman.

Castiel soon realized that there was something awry with the passing of Adelaide Jones. Normally when one half of a perfect pair passes away, the marking on the other soul fades and the surviving half is able to continue on with their life. This appeared not to be the case for Dean Winchester. His heart still belonged only to her. To the angel that meant that her death was pre-mature and unnatural, despite what the doctors had said after her autopsy.

He took this rare opportunity of relative calm to meditate and try to find her soul so that he could confirm his suspicions. Although it was a difficult task, he had, on occasion been able to find a soul and interact with it. Before Heaven had become so divided, he had sought out the essence of Pamela Barnes to ensure that she was at rest in Heaven as he had been promised. He had felt a small amount of guilt after causing her blindness and when he was cut off from Heaven he had felt nearly ill with guilt. But there was some relief because he had secured her a place in Heaven when he was still in the good graces with most of the Arc angels.

As he focused his energy, he closed his eyes and tried to picture what she had looked like the second to last time he saw her… the last time he saw her in person. He never looked back to that day when he had visited her in her dream because he knew that the woman he had met at that time wasn't the real 'Adelaide Jones'. She had been too consumed with grief to think straight, so he had forgiven her for that, even if she had never asked him for it. Instead he focused on the day that Dean had returned to their home after defeating Lucifer. He had watched over his friend until he got to the house because he needed the reassurance that Dean had made it there safely. Even though he could see her sadness at losing Sam, she still had a twinkle in her eye that enhanced her undeniable beauty from freeing her heart after having finally been honest with her son.

With that image in his mind's eye, he started his search. It was a daunting task, but he could see that without that reassurance, Dean might start making even riskier decisions that would put him and his loved one' sin harm's way. In life she had had a commanding presence, even if she never knew or acknowledged it, so he hoped that this would make finding her easier.

Just as he thought that he was zeroing in on her essence, he was brought out of his meditative state when he heard a faint, "Cas…? Cas…?"

His eyes flew open, but he found that he was still completely alone in Bobby's scrap yard.

"Castiel?" The voice called again.

The voice was too quiet and tentative for Castiel to distinguish to whom it belonged, but he sought it out none the less and disappeared.

========================  
                    Change of POV  
========================

I woke up to the intoxicating aroma of freshly brewed coffee mixed with freshly baked croissants. At first I drifted out of my sleep slowly, but when the events of the previous day returned to my consciousness, so I shot up into a seated position to check if anyone else was in the room with me. My eyes immediately focused on the person seated at the table watching me sleep and my heart started to race.

"Good morning Addy. I hope you're hungry," Ariel greeted me warmly with a bright, friendly smile.

"Umm…" I started in a haze of confusion. "Not really… I think I'll just go take a shower."

As I got off the bed, my body completely betrayed me and my stomach growled loudly. I tried to avoid looking at her because I could feel my face contorting as the hunger pains hit me.

"Yes, yes you are," she replied serenely. "Please come, sit and eat. I know you hardly ever allow yourself to indulge in these guilty pleasures often."

I turned my face to her and felt my anger start to boil over. "No, thank you," I replied angrily. "I don't want ANYTHING from you."

"Addy? What's wrong?" The angel asked innocently.

"What's wrong? Are you serious? You and your goons fucking manhandle me yesterday and now you just want to be best friends again? I'm sorry angel girl, by I ain't hardwired that way," I shot back indignantly.

"Me and my goons? Oh… No… Addy, you have it all wrong," she explained politely as she took a step towards me. "Addy, that wasn't what really happened. Oh your poor soul… It's been through so much…"

She let the rest of her sentence remain unstated as a flash of sadness filled her eyes. At that moment, she reminded me so much of Castiel the day I found him alone on the porch at Bobby's house, lost in his own thoughts of being newly human and my heart absolutely broke.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked meekly.

"Please? Come… Sit… Please. You barely ate anything yesterday, so you must be famished."

The familiar sharp, stabbing pain in my stomach told me that she wasn't lying, so I complied with her wishes. As I started to dig into the food she had laid out for me, Ariel started to explain, "You remember how I told you that we wanted to do things differently with you? Well this is why. Your soul was so damaged while you were in Hell and we've learned that once you were revived that it will take some time to adjust. We still don't know what all of the side effects will be."

"Side effects? You mean like the nightmares," I clarified quietly feeling guilt compound with the pain in my abdomen.

"Exactly. We knew that would be one, but it appears that with you there have been some hallucinations as well. You nearly fainted yesterday and when I tried to help you to bed, you struggled against me as if I was trying to harm you."

I looked at my upper arms and there was no hint of red marks or bruising of any kind. I then placed my hand on my abdomen and felt nothing but my hunger fading which caused me to believe everything she had just told me and my guilt threatened to take me over so I tried to apologize as quickly as possible.

"I am so sorry Ariel. Here you've saved me and that's how I treat you? Man, I suck at being grateful. Please, please do forgive me," I implored repentantly.

She reached over and held my hand before replying, "Addy, you have no need to apologize because it isn't something you can control. Please don't feel guilty. This is part of the reason why I can't let you be with your family just yet. We wouldn't want something like that to happen while you're with them, right? Now… I can tell that you have a lot more questions and we all feel that if you had those answered that your mind would be more at ease, so I want to answer them all for you. Okay?"

I stared at her somewhat awestruck and simply nodded before finding my voice and quietly adding, "Yeah… Yeah, that makes sense."

"Alright then… Why don't you have your shower and once you're refreshed we'll talk… Sound good?" She asked as she stood beside me and helped me to my feet.

Once I was standing, I don't know what came over me, but I instantly wrapped the angel in a tight hug. I felt a surge of relief overtake me and I started to cry uncontrollably. Ariel didn't miss a beat and she reciprocated my warm embrace with ease. As I sobbed, she stroked my hair and quietly whispered words of encouragement to try to ease my mind.

"I'm so sorry" I sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's alright Addy. Everything is going to be okay, just let it all out."

I don't know how long I cried, but Ariel never once tried to stem the flow of my tears. Somehow we ended up on the couch where I cried even harder because I was more comfortable. Once my tears finally started to subside, she continued to hold me close with her grip remaining soft and warm. I had expected that at some point her hold on me would be more stiff and marble like, much like many of Castiel's hugs had been in the past, but that never transpired.

"Shh Adelaide, it's okay. Oh sweet child, everything is going to be okay," she murmured into my hair while rubbing soft circles on my back.

As I caught my breath, I kept my forehead resting on her shoulder. I took in a long, choppy breath as I sat back and swiped my arm across my face just under my nose. She gave me a sad, sympathetic look while a small smile tugged at her lips.

"Are you feeling better now," the angel asked softly.

I tried to take in a strong breath, but it ended up sounding a lot more broken and snotty than I thought it would.

"Yeah," I answered as strongly as I could. "At least I think so… But then again I think you might be better equipped to answer that."

My angel laughed at that response… A shaking, hard to catch your breath laugh before saying, "I think you're doing just fine Addy. But you're probably in need of a good scrub… Especially on your face."

I started to run my fingers under my eyes saying in an embarrassed tone, "Crap… I must look so horrible right now… Sorry."

She gave my protests a dismissive wave of her hand and shake of her head. "Addy don't apologize, just go and enjoy your shower. Please, do take your time. I have something I have to take care of, but I'll be back here when you get out, okay?"

I quickly nodded and then bee-lined for the bathroom where I had my breath completely taken away. Ariel had stolen a page from Toby's book of ways to comfort me. She had filled the room with vanilla scented candles and they were all burning so brightly that I didn't have to turn on the light. As I started the shower, I laughed out loud because my iPod suddenly appeared and Ariel had queued it up to Darren Hayes' 'So Beautiful'. Once I was under the comforting, hot stream of water, I immediately started singing along with the lyrics, "And if all the world was perfect, I would only ever want to see your scars…"

When I was finished, I felt completely refreshed. I now felt clean, body and even part of my soul. I also felt lighter and hope that that meant that whatever Ariel was doing with me was working so that I would be allowed to return home sooner than later because I knew I would never feel whole without being with them.

Ariel was seated on a plush, suede couch by the fireplace waiting for me when I finally emerged. The fire was still quite low and small, so I hoped that that meant that I hadn't left her waiting too long. As soon as I made myself comfortable beside her, a pot of tea and a mug appeared on the coffee table in front of us. Ariel quickly leaned forward and poured me a cup of tea then passed it along with a cookie to me.

"So… Addy… Are you feeling better now?" She asked with a warm smile.

I swallowed the tea I had in my mouth before I could reply, "Much… I haven't had a good cleansing cry like that since…" I paused suddenly when it hit me that I DID remember the last day that that had happened.

Ariel patted my hands that were now folded in my lap and said, "I know, it's not a day that you really want to remember." She placed a bent finger under my chin and tilted it up until our eyes met. "I also know that there's one question that you've had on your mind since you woke up here… Why don't you ask it, Addy?"

"Why?" I uttered just over a whisper. Her face scrunched up in a slightly pained expression as I tried again, "Why me? Why did I get pulled out of Hell?"

She gently pet my cheek and her face took on an expression of pure sadness as she spoke, "Oh Addy, please don't do that to yourself. You ARE worthy… Now put those nasty thoughts out of your mind. You, my lovely, are a very special woman, please don't forget that."

I tried to sound strong when I clarified my question, but my voice threatened to break with every word I spoke, "But why ME? Why am **I** so special? I mean… Aren't there other people who are just as…? Or more worthy for redemption than me?"

"I had to rescue you because … because this world **needs** you, Addy. You were never meant to be in Hell. There is still so much that you are meant to accomplish, need to accomplish here on Earth. You are a very important player in this world's destiny… And yes, you may even be more important than that 'Dean Winchester' character."

I felt my cheeks blush at her response to my silent question. None of what she was saying to me made much sense at all. How could I be more important than Dean? He was Michael's perfect vessel for crying out loud. She watched me as I went over all of my questions and tried to get them into some sort of an order so that I could ask her and get some answers.

"But how? How am I so important?" I asked timidly.

Ariel ran her hand down my arm and then squeezed my hand in a gesture of reassurance, "Just give it time Addy. When the time is right, all will be revealed. Just try to keep from worrying about it too much, okay? We really need to keep you focused on your healing at the moment, alright?"

I accepted her answer with a nod, relaxed back onto the couch and closed my eyes contemplating everything that she had said. While my eyes were still shut I asked, "How much longer will it take?"

Ariel didn't immediately answer, so I opened my eyes to try to gauge why my angel was suddenly so quiet. When I took in my surroundings, I gasped and then threw my hand over my mouth to keep from making too much noise. Instead of finding myself in the comfortable haven of my room at the Bed and Breakfast, I was now on a bed in some random cheap motel. I then absolutely froze in my spot when I noticed that I wasn't alone on the bed.

My new companion moved his hand under his pillow with such stealth that I almost missed the movement. There was enough light in the room that I could see that I was no longer dressed in the sweats I had been previously, but now I was in a navy blue silk nighty with cream colored lace trim. As my eyes traveled from my (lack of) clothing to the man on the bed, he rolled over just enough that I could see his face.

"DEAN!" I inadvertently shouted with excitement.

His eyes shot open but his hand remained under his pillow. When he didn't move, I leaned down and mashed my mouth onto his. Thankfully, Dean didn't hesitate to kiss me back. He did however break the embrace so that he could roll off of his stomach onto his back. Once he was in a more comfortable he pulled me down on top of him to continue the heated contact.

"Lay…? How…?"

I giggled as I pushed myself up and crossed my arms on his chest. "Shh… That's not important." I quickly kissed him again and asked, "More importantly, where the hell are we? I really don't remember staying in a place that looked like this before."

"Well my dream, my locale," he teased as he pushed my hair behind my ears. "But if you must know, we're in Ashland, Oregon."

I laughed a little too loudly before nuzzling my face into his neck. He lovingly ran his hands up and down my back as I continued to laugh softly.

"What is so funny Lay?

"Oh nothing… I just can't believe you never told me that you were such a huge Shakespeare fan. You know, I worked a case at the fair close to here not too long ago, I could have passed it onto you if I knew," I teased trying to keep my laughter from overtaking me. I quickly sobered up and pushed up on the mattress to look down at him and asked in a mockingly shocked tone, "Oh my God Dean! Really? Shakespeare gets you hot?"

Dean rolled his eyes as I started to giggle uncontrollably, then he pulled me close and rolled me onto my back. His mouth was on mine within an instant to silence my laughter. One of my spaghetti straps had fallen off my shoulder, so Dean slowly guided my arm out of it to get to the bare flesh of my breast. I kept my eyes closed while he suckled at it as I enjoyed the sensation he elicited with his mouth and tongue on my sensitive flesh.

I didn't feel him removing my panties or any of his own clothes, but my eyes did snap open as he thrust into me.

"It's you Lay… YOU get me hot."

============================  
                        Change of POV   
============================

"Cas…? Castiel? Are you there? I… Uhh… I could really use your help," the voice tentatively implored.

Castiel tried to keep his mind focused on the voice that was calling him, but every time that he thought he was getting close, Castiel would lose his concentration. For some reason the owner of the voice appeared to be hidden from him.

"Where are you?" Castiel asked telepathically. "I can't find you… Show me where you are."

Toby jumped back a bit and the back of his legs hit the edge of his bed. He had been praying to Castiel for a couple of days hoping that the angel could shed some light on his situation. As far as he could tell, he had exhausted all of his resources and had eliminated any supernatural explanation for what had happened, so he decided to turn to celestial support.

"Home… Uhh, my room…" He replied out loud. Toby then took a mental picture of his room and tried to send it out to the angel.

When Castiel didn't appear right away, Toby started to pace the length of his room. After twenty minutes, nothing else happened, so he sat on his bed in an effort to regroup. He had done _something_ before that had worked… He had been able to reach Castiel… But how?

He sat still and once again tried to focus all of his thoughts and energy on the image of his room. After a few minutes, his jaw started to ache because he had clenched it so tightly in concentration, but he still didn't break his intense focus.

"Tobias?" Castiel questioned now that he was standing in front of the young teen. "You called me?"

"Cas! You came!" Toby cried out happily as he jumped up and hugged the older male. As he started to talk, Toby started to pace nervously. "Awesome! So, please tell me you can help me figure all of this out. But you can't tell anyone, okay? You can't tell Mom or Pop, especially not Dad or Bobby or even Uncle Sam, alright? Because if they found out about it before we know what's actually going on then we're totally screwed and they'll be really upset. BUT! If we wait and tell them after we have the truth then the fact that we know the truth will probably make them happy enough that we won't get into trouble, okay?" Toby turned back to look at the angel and repeated a little more forcefully, "Okay Cas?"

Castiel's face was locked in a confused scowl. He was trying to replay all of the information that the young human had just told him, but he focused only on one piece.

"Truth about what Tobias?" Castiel finally asked.

"The… Uhh… the truth about Mum," Toby tentatively answered. "I… I think… I mean, I know she… She was here the other night."

Toby took a step forward and pushed back his sleeve to show Castiel the browning marks on his wrist. Castiel took his arm into his hand to inspect the evidence that Toby was presenting him. When he connected two and two together, his eyes shot up to Toby's face in horrified understanding.

"Tobias, your mother would never harm you on purpose," he blurted out in shocked surprise.

The younger male chuckled and pulled his hand out of Castiel's grasp.

"I know she wouldn't… And she didn't, Cas. This… this happened when she wrestled her knife out of my hand," he explained.

Castiel scowled again and asked, "Her knife?"

"Umm… Yeah… I thought that she was a shape shifter… and I know she isn't now… But I don't know where she is now or how she got back," Toby clarified in an anguished tone. "She was here one minute and then she just disappeared, but I don't know how. Can…? Can you help me?"

The young boy looked like he was on the verge of tears, so Castiel gripped his shoulder to try to comfort him answering, "I'll do what I can Tobias. First, I need you to tell me everything that happened and everything that you have learned since then."

===========================  
                       Change of POV  
===========================

The sun hit my face, so I rolled over to hide my eyes in what I thought would be my pillow. Instead, my nose connected somewhat painfully with another person's shoulder. With my eyes still closed, I moved my right hand to rub the pain out of my nose and my knuckles brushed against more bare flesh. I slowly opened my eyes, petrified to see where I would find myself today.

I must have woken him up with my not so tender nose bashing because Dean had his eyes opens and was stretching slightly when I looked up at him.

"Lay? You're…? You're still here?" He asked sounding more than surprised.

"Apparently," I replied cuddling into his side. "So… Is this a 'happy' morning for you?" I inquired as I ran my hand down his body and slipped it under the sheet.

Dean's eyes followed my hand and groaned when I found the answer to my question. As I stroked him slowly, I continued in a husky voice, "Ooh, yes… yes it is… I think we better take care of that Dean."

I dipped in to kiss his lips and asked, "So… What do you say?"

He nodded then flipped me onto my back. After another deep kiss he answered, "I can't think of a more perfect way to start the day."


	7. It Don't Matter

"Oh God… Dean! Dean! Gaaah… Don't stop!"

Dean laughed into my hair then clamped onto a piece of flesh on my neck and started to suck out a bruise. This had what I could only assume was the desired effect because my shouts of ecstasy turned into much quieter strangled cries and contented moans. While I was still on my high, I heard his excited grunts and his gentle nibbling became a more painful bite again.

Just before I let out another lust-filled cry, we both froze in our place at the sound of someone pounding on the motel room door. We both simultaneously turned our heads to look at it while holding our breath. Dean gave me a questioning look, but all I could do was shrug.

"Mister Wells? Mister Wells?" A male's voice called from the other side of the door.

Dean then rolled off the bed and quickly threw on his t-shirt and boxer shorts while making his way to the door. When he got there, he checked over his shoulder to make sure that I was still there and somewhat decent as he unlocked the door. I had picked up his flannel shirt and was in the midst of buttoning it up when he finally cracked the door open.

"Umm… Good morning Mister Wells… Umm… I'm sorry to… Uhh interrupt," the motel manager hesitantly greeted Dean in a hushed tone.

"Good morning Mister Smith. Is there something that I can help you with?" Dean replied in an uncharacteristically shy voice.

"Well… I've… Umm… I've gotten a few complaints and… Uhh I'm sorry but I have to… you know… because it's my job and all," he awkwardly explained.

I wrapped my right arm around Dean's waist to weave my fingers with those of his left hand to show off the ring on his finger. As I gently placed the side of my head on his upper arm, I sweetly said, "It's entirely my fault Mister Smith. You see, Rusty and I are newlyweds and I think I may have gotten a little carried away. I sincerely apologize for the disturbance."

The middle aged manager blushed slightly and completely avoided eye contact but nodded.

Before he could reply, Dean added. "Plus we'll be checking out soon. Sorry about the complaints."

"Well… Alright… Umm… Again sorry for the… Uhh… Thank you for understanding." The manager turned to retreat back to his office but stopped abruptly and looked over his shoulder to quickly say, "Oh… Congratulations."

I had already found a spot on the bed and was nearly doubled over in laughter by the time Dean finished with the manager. Dean said a final "Thanks" before closing the door and turning back into the room. He had an annoyed scowl on his face that deepened when he saw me laughing.

"Oh, come on Dean," I commented through my laughter. "That was kind of funny."

"You might think so, but I'm not really laughing here," Dean replied as he sat back on the bed beside me. "But either way, I've got to wake up now and get back on the road to help Sam with the dragon."

I laughed even louder at that shifted closer to Dean. "I'm sorry… You have to help him with WHAT?"

"A dragon," he repeated, breaking his angry demeanor slightly. "Okay, yeah that sounds weird when you say it out loud… But the fact still remains that I have to wake up and hit the road."

I leaned in and kissed him gently then softly commanded, "Wake up Dean!"

He squeezed his eyes closed and I stifled my laughter by kissing his neck from the left side to the right. When I ended up straddling his lap, Dean groaned then quietly warned, "Lay, you're not helping."

I pecked his lips one last time then sat back on his thighs and asked, "Did you ever think that maybe it's because you're already awake?"

He kept his eyes closed, shook his head as he pet my cheek with his left hand. "You have no idea how much I with this wasn't just a dream. Now shush… I have to concentrate."

I bit back another laugh then reached out to grab a tuft of skin just under his ribcage between my index finger and thumb. After giving it an over-exaggerated and strong twisting pinch, Dean's eyes flew open.

"OW! Lay! What the fuck?" He gasped as he rubbed the spot vigorously with his right hand.

"Well… I was testing a theory," I replied. After shoeing his hands away, I lifted his shirt and kissed the spot a few times. "I believe, Mister Winchester, that that is a sure fire way to check if you were really awake or not."

While I continued to kiss his side, Dean lowered his t-shirt to stop me while saying, "You might have a point there… But traditionally you don't have to give the other person a massive fucking bruise." After I backed right off, he lifted his shirt to survey the damage then looked back at me, "Dude! Seriously it's already starting to bruise."

I bit my bottom lip and offered my best innocent pout with a shrug. "I forgot how strong I am?"

Dean stared at me in a stunned silence then tentatively raised his left hand to my cheek again. I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his hand, relenting completely to his touch.

"But how? How are you here?" He questioned absolutely mystified.

I shrugged as nonchalantly as possible then answered lightheartedly, "It's kind of complicated… It can wait because we have a… a dragon to kill?"

"Lay don't make a joke, please? You're actually here? Alive?" He questioned with a gut-wrenchingly sad tone.

I nodded as his hand maintained a hold on my cheek. Suddenly he lunged forward to kiss me then he held me tightly in a hug.

"You're alive! Oh my God Lay, I've… I… I wanted this so much… You can't even understand…"

I squeezed him in my arms then ran my hands up and down his back and was barely able to hold back my own tears as I said, "Yeah Dean I do… I've been through this twice with you, remember?"

He pushed back out of our embrace and looked down at me with tears in his eyes. "Lay? Please?"

I leaned up and kissed him then replied, "Dean we have lots of time to talk about it… Sam's what? A state away?" Dean nodded and whispered "Portland". I lifted his chin and continued more confidently, "Okay… Portland… That's almost Washington… So we have like five, six hours just the two of us in the Impala? How about we talk about it then? Now… You go hop in the shower and I'll scrounge up some coffee and breakfast, okay?"

Before I could turn away, he kissed me and completely took my breath away. It was the neediest kiss that we had ever shared, it smothered me, but neither of us wanted it to end.

"Okay," Dean finally relented as he placed his forehead on mine. "I think I might have some of your stuff in my bag."

I sat back and sadly asked, "Dean? No… You didn't?"

He nodded forlornly as he stood up off the bed. I quickly grabbed his arm to stop him en route to the bathroom and added, "I would have done the same thing if I had the chance."

He threw me a tear-filled smile then kissed my head before continuing into the shower. I had picked up his duffle and looked up as I rooted through it and met his questioning gaze. I silently mouthed "Go" while tilting my head towards the door in order to encourage him into the room.

After a few minutes Dean finally closed the bathroom door and I heard the shower running as I continued to rummage through the Marine issue bag. I was already pretty comfortable in Dean's flannel shirt so I was hoping he would have some sort of suitable bottom for me to wear as well. As luck would have it, Dean had packed away a pair of my tights, so all I had to do was synch a belt around my waist while sporting his shirt and my tights to make it look like a suitable outfit.

As I stood to put the finishing touches on my outfit, I heard the shower turn off and I called out jovially, "So Dean? 'Rusty Wells'… That name sounds awfully familiar to me."

"Well," he explained through the door. "You left your credit cards laying around at the house… Plus you actually paid them off, so I got Bobby to make a few matching IDs… You're not mad, are you?"

I laughed then answered, "No, I'm not mad… It's just kind of creepy to think that I've now had 'relations' with 'Rusty Wells' when I've used that name and all… It's kinda like sleeping with yourself or something…"

Dean emerged from the bathroom laughing, but stopped abruptly when he found himself alone in the room.

"Lay? Lay?" His phone rang, so Dean snatched it up and snapped out an angry, "What?"

I blinked a couple of times before turning my head to double check where I was now.

"Ariel? What…?" I started to question as tears of confusion threatened to overtake me.

"I'm sorry Addy that was only meant to be a short visit, but then I got… Well that's not for you to worry about," she explained in a tender, apologetic tone as she started to pet my hair.

I instinctively curled up beside her on the bed and placed my head on her lap. "So last night really wasn't a dream?"

"No Addy it wasn't. You've been quite restless lately and kept calling out his name in your sleep, so I thought it would help to ease your mind," she quietly stated as she continued to smooth down my hair.

"It did… I think. I've missed him so much… Thank you."

I started to yawn and closed my eyes before continuing, "My Mum used to do this when I was sick to help me fall asleep."

"I know Addy. Now, try to sleep. I don't think that you got enough rest last night."

I nodded against her leg, but quietly asked, "Is she happy in Heaven?"

"Yes she is. Everyone is happy in Heaven."

"What's it like there? Dean said something about not wanting to see another person's version of Heaven, but he's never gone into detail," I continued with my eyes now opened as I picked at the hem of her pants.

"If I tell you about it, do you promise you will try to sleep? No more questions until after you've rested?" She counte roffered sounding very maternal.

I rolled over and crawled under the blankets then nodded and whispered, "Promise."

"Alright then… Well… Heaven is a little bit different for every soul. For the majority of souls, they basically get to relive their happiest memories for all eternity, for others…" Ariel trailed off when she heard my soft snoring.

After she had confirmed that I was in fact sound asleep, she tucked the comforter in around me. Her hands lingered briefly at my mid-section and she regarded it with a thoughtful scowl.

"Almost there… Almost," she commented before disappearing.

===========================  
                     Change of POV  
===========================

As Dean fueled up the Impala in preparation for the ride back to Bobby's, his phone started ringing. Without being asked, Sam quickly took over at the pump so Dean could answer it.

When Sam noticed his brother's hesitation, he tried to gently persuade him saying, "Dean you haven't talked with him in a while, why don't you throw the kid a bone?"

Dean glared half-heartedly at Sam then joked, "So the psychic shit's back?"

Sam snickered and shook his head as Dean stepped away.

"Hey Buddy, you're up pretty late."

" _Yeah, I couldn't sleep, so I thought that I just call to say 'Hi'. How are things with you and Uncle Sam? I mean, how's he doing since you know… Waking up and stuff?"_

"He's alright, back to his more usual self. But I'm guessing that's not what's keeping you. What's really on your mind Toby?"

" _Nothing,"_ the teen lied. _"I just wanted to make sure you were okay and all that."_

"Toby… Look, I don't have time for this. What's wrong?" Dean questioned again as his anger started to surface.

" _Umm… Well… Uhh… Spring Training just started… Umm… That got me thinking about…. Uhh…"_ Toby slowly started to reply.

"Come on Toby, spit it out! I don't have all night!" Dean interrupted impatiently.

"Dean!" Sam shouted to scold his brother while pulling the phone out of Dean's hand. "Hey Toby, it's Sam. Sorry about Dean, we've had a long day."

" _Hey Uncle Sam... Umm, that's okay. It's my fault, I should have waited to call,"_ his nephew replied just barely over a whisper. _"How did everything go with the dragon?"_

"Well, there was more than one (Sam paused as Toby blurted out a shocked "Oh? Really? Crap!") and that's actually probably part of the reason why Dean's in a bad mood… One got away."

" _Really? That sucks… Oh, but I think I can help you guys with that. They go after virgins, right? I can keep an eye out for any strange disappearances… You know for anything like what you had on this case."_

Sam sighed with relief when he heard a positive shift in Toby's tone and smiled as he replied, "That would be awesome. Thanks Toby. Now it's late and I don't want you to get into trouble with Maureen and Bill, so it would probably be best if we called it a night, okay?"

" _Yeah you're right. G'Night Uncle Sam. I'll let you know if I find anything."_

Dean was already seated behind the wheel by the time Sam had finished his phone call. After easing into the passenger seat, Sam tossed Dean's phone into his lap and curtly informed him, "Toby's going to keep an eye out for anything that looks like it might be our dragon… despite you're being a colossal jackass to him."

Without uttering a word, Dean picked up his phone and exited the car. Sam quickly followed suit asking, "What the hell Dean?"

Dean was still staring at the phone in his hands as he flatly replied, "I believe the sun should never set upon an argument." Dean then looked up, smiled sadly and added in a remorseful toned, "I've got to apologize to him before he goes to bed Sam."

The younger Winchester returned Dean's smile then re-entered the Impala to give his brother some privacy. Dean quickly hit the speed dial key for Toby and held his breath while he listened to it ring. Toby stared at the screen of his phone as it vibrated in his hands, unsure if he should answer it or not because he didn't want to say anything else that would upset his Dad again.

" _Hello?"_ Toby finally answered sounding small and unsure.

Dean swallowed back an anguished sigh before replying, "Hey Buddy. I… I uhh… I just wanted to apologize for being such a jerk to you… I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you like that."

" _That's okay Dad, Uncle Sam explained about the one that got away and you must be tired from fighting and stuff… I should have waited to call."_

"No Tobs, if you need to talk, then you should call. I know you were used to doing that with…" Dean had to take a moment to compose himself. "With… Your Mum, so please don't not call because you think I'll be too tired to talk or anything, okay?"

" _Okay,"_ his son quietly agreed.

"So you wanted to talk about something, right?" Dean gently prodded. After Toby whispered "Right" as a reply, Dean continued, "Well then we should talk about it… But just not tonight. It's late, so I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

Toby was quick to reply with a quiet, _"Okay."_

"Buddy, I really am sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

" _I do Dad, really it's okay. And you guys are right, it's way past my bedtime. G'Night Dad, I love you,"_ Toby answered in a much more confident tone.

"I love you too Toby. Have a good sleep and we'll talk tomorrow."

Dean slipped his phone into his pocket then leaned against the driver side door and rested his forehead on his arms on the roof of his car. Sam shot his brother a couple of worried sideways glances, trying to decide what he should do. After a few minutes, Sam started to open the passenger side door, but stopped when Dean's door flew open.

The elder Winchester remained completely silent as he started the car and exited to the gas station. When he heard his younger brother clear his throat, Dean's right hand instantly moved to the volume dial and he cranked it to the right. Sam offered a huff and a shake of the head in response, but let him have his moment of relative silence. After the second song finished, Sam's ears couldn't take it anymore, so he turned the volume down a bit, but made a point to do so while reading a book so Dean wouldn't think he was trying to have a conversation with him.

As they spent their final miles in Idaho and just before they entered Montana, Sam had had enough. He closed his journal and shifted in his seat to look at his brother. He was determined to get Dean talking, so he turned the music down so low that it was barely audible.

"Dean? Dude, you've been on edge since you got back from San Francisco… Did something happen there?"

Dean replied by once again turning up the music to a near ear splitting level. Sam immediately turned it down and then there was a slight back and forth struggle for volume control. Sam finally claimed himself victorious and turned the radio off completely. Before attempting to get his brother to speak again, Sam took a moment to regroup.

Sam tried to hide his smirk as he spoke, but it was difficult, "You know… I've heard that the sun should never set upon an argument."

The driver's shoulders relaxed considerably and he huffed in a laugh before speaking. "Bitch… WE weren't having an argument."

"Whatever… You're pissed off about something, so come on… What is it?"

Dean shook his head and replied, "No… it's nothing for you to worry about Sam."

The younger Winchester frowned but wouldn't be deterred. "Yes it is Dean, especially when it makes you snap at Toby like you just did."

Dean hung his head in shame momentarily and looked like he was going to give in, but his reply wasn't what Sam was expecting. "I'm sorry you had to run interference like that with him… but seriously, you and me? We're not discussing it Sam… At least not yet, okay?"

Sam smiled, turned the music back on and agreed saying, "Okay."

===========================  
                        Change of POV  
===========================

Ariel and I spent a few more days just the two of us and I tried to focus while we spoke, but my mind kept wandering to thoughts of Dean. Even when she had me talk about the torture sessions that I remembered, my thoughts remained on him… I would randomly wonder what forms of torture he had endured. What had finally made him break?

"Addy? If I let you visit Dean again, will you finally be able to focus all of your attention on our conversation?" The angel questioned without evoking any malice.

I cringed slightly at my rudeness then sheepishly replied, "Sorry Ariel… Umm… Yeah, I guess it might… Uhh… Plus I sort of promised him a heart to heart chat."

She smiled softly then nodded. Suddenly I was standing in an abandoned looking house and started shivering. I took a few deep breaths to ground myself before hunting around the rooms to find a jacket or a blanket to cover myself with so I could warm up.

"Thanks a lot Ariel. Could have at least put me in something weather appropriate," I grumbled as I moved between the rooms.

In the fourth room I entered, I found Sam and Dean's duffle bags and I nearly lunged at them. I had to assume that they were out in their street clothes because I couldn't find either of their jackets. I gave their suits that were hanging on a picture hook a second look, but shook that thought out of my head and pulled out one of Dean's flannel shirts. As soon as my bare flesh was covered, I started to warm up considerably.

"Much better," I commented to no one in particular. I hugged my body and ran my hands vigorously up and down my upper arms to try to fight off some of the chill I was still feeling.

"Here to steal another shirt Lay?"

I turned to face Dean and offered him the best innocent grin I could muster. "Is it really considered a theft if I didn't mean to take it? You know no Mens Rea and all that?"

"Yeah… Sure… Whatever," he unenthusiastically replied putting down his coffee and take out bag on a side table.

"Dean? Are you okay?" I asked from my spot, too frightened by the look on his face to take a step forward.

"Who, me? Yeah, I'm just peachy… Insanity is doing wonders for my complexion, can't you tell?" He retorted sarcastically as he turned his back to me.

"Dean…" I started with anguished remorse. I walked up behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder. "Dean you're not going crazy. I'm sorry about my disappearing act." I hooked my arms over his chest with my hands on his shoulders and pulled my body flush with his back. After I rested my cheek against his right shoulder I quietly said, "But I think I get to stay long enough to explain this time."

He didn't move so I just continued to hold him tightly. My arms started to ache before I registered that neither of us had moved so I slowly release my grip on him. He shivered slightly so I ran my hands up and down his sides to try to warm him up. He flinched away from my hands, so I took a step back away from him whispering, "Sorry… I won't touch you… Sorry."

His hand traveled up to his left side and he shook his head as he turned to face me. "It's not that. The bruise you gave me is still pretty tender."

I smiled apologetically and quietly told him, "She healed the hickey you gave me. And again, I'm sorry. (I kissed his side through his layers of clothes.) I really did forget how strong I am."

He gripped my chin gently then forced me to stand up straight. "How Lay? How are you back? I… I did CPR on you… We had a funeral, buried ashes…"

I pulled my left pant leg up to show him my most recently acquired scar on the opposite side of my ankle from my tattoo. He pointed to it awestruck as he stuttered, "You… you… you were…? How?"

I lowered my pant leg and took him by the hand. "Dean maybe you should sit down before I get into the details."

He squeezed my hand firmly and when I tried to sit across from him, he tugged my arm to coax me to sit beside him. I complied but moved to the other end of the couch. To make myself more comfortable, I pulled my legs up under me so I was cross-legged and facing him.

"Okay… So did you get that the same way I got mine?"

I had my head lowered and nodded then turned my eyes towards him whispering, "Yes."

"At the risk of sounding like a broken record, how?"

I focused on the cuffs of Dean's shirt that I was wearing as I explained, "I made a deal with Crowley… He was worried that you would come after him, so he said he was going to make it look like it was natural causes or something." I paused to sneak a peek at Dean's reaction. He had shifted onto his right hip and slung his arm over the back of the couch so that we were facing each other.

"Official autopsy results stated blood clots that interrupted blood flow to your heart as the…" He replied through the lump forming in his throat. "The doctors attributed it to complications from the accident."

I nodded and sniffled back my own forming tears. "I'm sorry… I didn't even think… Oh God that's so horrible, I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"Why? Why would you sell your soul to him?" Dean asked in a confused tone ignoring everything I had just said.

"To save Toby," I sheepishly replied. "They know about him, so I wanted to make sure that nothing would come after him."

"Lay… We can protect him… Nothing would get him," Dean replied still maintaining his composure. "And he knows how to take care of himself when we aren't around."

"No Dean, they know and Crowley said that they were planning to use him to get back at you," I blurted out as silent tears started to fall.

"Did you once stop to consider that he said all of that to get you to make the deal?" He proposed with a surprisingly calm tone as he wiped away my tears.

"No… I was so sure… Plus he buttered me up with praise about me surviving Pacer and I figured that I could handle myself there, so the trade seemed worth it."

"And could you?"

I bit my quivering lip to try to stem the flow of my tears. I was too afraid of how broken I would sound if I spoke, so I shook my head as I cried.

He shifted over and pulled me into his arms. "Shh… We don't have to talk about that yet."

Once my breathing had evened out, I leaned back and dried my cheeks on my shirt's sleeves and then I crawled into Dean's lap and hugged his neck. I knew I almost looked like a child crawling into someone's lap for comfort, but right at that moment I couldn't care less because I needed to feel his strength to help me find mine.

"I don't even know where to start to describe how horrible it was," I stated into his neck.

He kissed my temple and rubbed my back and once again softly repeated, "Then it can wait… What I really want to know right now is how are you back?"

I sat back, smiled through my tears and held onto his upper left arm where Castiel's hand print was seared into his skin answering, "You have Castiel and well (I pulled back my pant leg and placed his right hand on my matching scar) I have Ariel. She… Uhh… She pulled me out and has been my own personal counselor, helping me to re-acclimate ever since."

Dean didn't move and held my eyes in a steadfast gaze. "So this is really happening? You're here? Alive? And more beautiful than ever?"

I shrugged shyly and ducked my head as I responded sounding slightly embarrassed, "Yes this is real… Yes I'm here and I'm alive, but I don't know about…"

I couldn't finish my thought because Dean pulled my face into a passionate kiss. As our lips fought to dominate the lust filled kiss, Dean quickly and easily unbuttoned his shirt that I was wearing and pushed it off my shoulders to reveal my navy blue, spaghetti strapped bra tank. Before I knew it, Dean slipped his hand beyond the lacy hem and ran it up my stomach.

"Lay… You are so unbelievably beautiful."

I threw my head back with wanton disregard as Dean remained completely focused on adorning my flesh with soft embraces.

We only paused when we heard the door open and Sam nearly shouted, "Dean? What the fuck?"

I remained seated straddling Dean's lap as he enthusiastically replied, "What does it look like Sammy? I'm entertaining a guest."

I covered Dean's mouth with my hand and twisted around to flash Sam a smile. Before I could say anything, Sam took a step forward asking, "Addy? Is it really you?"

I stood up and we both continued towards each other until I was wrapped in Sam's arms. He picked me up and twisted me around a couple of times before placing me on the ground.

Instinctively Sam looked past me towards Dean and asked, "But how?"

Dean jutted his chin towards me and answered, "It's her story to tell."

"And it's kind of a long story Sam," I replied as I walked back to Dean, picked up his shirt and placed it on his lap. I then placed a soft kiss on his lips and said, "I'm sorry Dean, but I can't stay. I don't know when I'll be back, but she promises that it'll be for good soon."

I could see the questions forming in his mind, so I kissed him again to try to reassure him.

"Hey!" Sam blurted out. "Where'd she go?"


	8. I'll Be Courageous If You Can Pretend

Toby started pacing his room in the hopes that he could work off some of his nervous energy. Castiel had been annoyingly vague each time that Toby had asked him about  how long it would take the angel to find his Mum because he had only inferred that it shouldn't take him too long… Hopefully… Because unlike Dean and Sam, there was nothing (that he was aware of) that would be concealing her presence from him.

Toby checked his bedside clock yet again to see how long he had been waiting… Four hours… Four long hours since the angel had last been in his room and all that had come out of it was that Toby had to get ready for bed. If he didn't get ready now then he ran the risk of sleeping in… Again and then he would have to rush to get ready in the morning so that he would get to school on time and if that continued with this frequency he was going to have to find a way to explain that anomaly to his Mom… which would mean he would have to lie to her, which was something he wanted to avoid as much as humanly possible.

There was a soft rustling sound that met Toby as he re-entered his room after brushing his teeth, so he closed his door as quickly as he could. He still hadn't told his parents about what had happened, so he didn't want to risk either of them seeing or hearing the angel.

Castiel placed the black bomber jacket in his hand on the foot of Toby's bed and sat on the storage chest that ran the width of the bed.

"So? Did you find anything?" The teen asked excitedly, trying to keep his tone as hushed as possible.

"Yes, I did," The angel answered solemnly. "But I was not able to find Adelaide. This jacket led me to her Grandfather, Tobias Jones."

"Tob… Whoa! You found her Poppy? Huh… Weird."

"Actually, it is not that surprising that the bomber jacket led me to him because he was the original owner of the jacket," Castiel explained calmly. "Would you have another item in your possession that belonged to Adelaide?"

Toby nodded then walked over to his desk and pulled out a colorful tin that looked like a candy tin and not something of use for an angel of the Lord in a quest to find a 'missing' soul.

Before Castiel could question its utility, Toby pulled out a delicate white gold chain saying, "After Mum and Dad rescued me, back when I was kidnapped by that demon and vampire… I noticed that Mum wouldn't take this off… At least not until she bought her Saint Hubert medallion."

Castiel carefully claimed the white gold Celtic cross necklace and turned away as if he was going to disappear again. He looked down at the pendant in his hand pensively before turning back to the younger male. Castiel then held the necklace out by the chain to pass it back to Toby who took it back while giving Castiel a questioning look.

The angel could hear the human's unstated question, so he answered out loud, "I'm sorry, but that would have only led me to the soul of Victoria Jones. She was the original proprietor of that piece of jewelry. What I require is something that belonged solely to Adelaide… to your Mum."

"But she wore both of them ALL the time," Toby countered with a slightly confused whine in his voice.

Castiel watched as Toby carefully placed the necklace back into the candy tin while trying to find another way to explain everything to him.

"Tobias, what I require to help you find her is an item that originally belonged to Adelaide. The jacket and necklace are articles that she inherited from her Grandfather and Mother and she wore them because they reminded her of the love she felt from them. Do you understand what I mean?"

The young male nodded while stroking the medallion he was wearing with his thumb. He looked up and caught the angel watching him with an expectant eye then quickly interjected, "Oh no… No, Cas, this one's mine…" His eyes darted the tin on his desk before he clarified, "Hers is… Umm… In a safe place."

"Alright, I could go to her house and look for an item there… Unless you do have something here."

Castiel followed Toby's gaze to his bed as he asked, "Tobias, do you have another item of hers that could aide me?"

Toby nodded but didn't budge from his spot eliciting a more severe and somewhat exasperated, "Tobias?" from Castiel which seemed to break the teen out of his trance.

"Okay," Toby replied sounding annoyed as he walked over to his pillow. "But if I give this to you, you HAVE to promise that you'll give it back to me in the EXACT same condition."

The angel nodded and started to take the silver bladed knife with a rosewood handle. When he didn't get a verbal affirmation, Toby pulled the knife away from Castiel's outstretched hand. Castiel's eyes shot up to Toby's face, but the questioning scowl did not faze the human.

Instead of that look placating him, Toby's eyes narrowed as he said, "I'm serious Cas. It's… I… It has…" Suddenly he lost his words, but he wanted confirmation that he would be getting the knife back so he tried again, "It's just that it reminds me of both of them because Dad had it made just for her… So… Please, please assure me that you'll bring it back as is, please?"

Castiel nodded and took the knife vowing, "After my search is complete, I promise that I will return this knife to you in the same condition that I have received it."

He then turned and took a couple of steps away from Toby. Before he disappeared, he looked over his shoulder and commented in a slightly humorous tone, "Although, I don't believe that cloning her would ease your feelings of loss."

Toby stared at him wide eyed and mumbled, "How'd you know?"

Castiel offered a soft amused smile, but disappeared without saying another word.

_**I pushed myself up from the pile of rubbish I had been thrown into, very slowly while I tried to make sure I didn't hurt myself any worse than it already had. Once I was standing, I momentarily forgot that I needed to remain on high alert while I brushed off some debris from my jeans. I then stretched slightly to check the extent of the damage that my body may have incurred and was thankfully not met with much pain.** _

" _ **Come on Addy, it'll be fun," I grumbled to myself, mocking the words my Mum had used to talk me into joining her on this hunt. I started to rummage through the pile from which I had just extracted myself to find my shotgun as I continued in a quieter tone, "It's just a vengeful spirit Addy… Won't take us long at all… You won't even have to miss any school… Fuck! Where…? Aha! There you are!"**_

_**Almost just as soon as I had straightened myself up with my gun in hand, I was smacked, full force in the back with a two by four. Although I was temporarily winded, I managed to stay on my feet and retained a tight grip on my shotgun somehow.** _

" _ **Okay, now you're just pissing me off!" I nearly shouted as I turned to face my attacker. "Coward! So, you only show yourself when I have my back turned to you? You… You… Fucking pussy!"**_

**Yeah… Screaming at the angry ghost, that's a brilliant idea Addy, _I rebuked myself as I ducked a hammer that came flying off a work bench._ Come on… Come on… Where are you? _I taunted in my head as I moved around the room with my shotgun held squarely against my right shoulder._**

_**The sound of a band saw starting up behind me froze me to my place for about a second. I then quickly pivoted around with my shot gun ready to fire, but was met with only open air. I slowly approached the saw and kicked at the power cord, hoping that it would stop the ear-splitting noise. Once the plug hit the ground, I stared at the blade, not the least bit surprised that it continued to rotate at a lightning speed.** _

_**As I stood staring at the saw, I silently hoped that the spirit would show itself and I nearly missed the two by four coming down on my forearms from my right side. By the time it came into view, I barely had a chance to drop my shot gun, which softened the blow slightly… Well not really.** _

_**The six foot, burly carpenter then materialized behind me and pushed me forward. I manage to get a grip on the metal edge of the lower saw guide and tried, with all my might, to push myself away from the blade.** _

" _ **Addy! I can't find it!" My Mum shouted from the open shop door behind me. "ADDY!"**_

" ** _Tool… Box!" I cried out through clenched teeth as I continued to struggle against the supernatural strength of our latest target._**

_**Mum hesitated and raised her shotgun a couple of time, trying desperately to line up a shot where my back wouldn't be filled with rock salt if she shot at the spirit.** _

" _ **MUM! TOOL BOX! IT'S IN THE TOOL BOX!" I shouted at the top of my lungs when I felt my arms starting to crumble under my weight.**_

_**She finally moved and ran to the workbench where she was confronted with five toolboxes of various sizes and colors. She looked back at me to ask "Which one?", but thought differently when she saw me still struggling against the ghost. After not finding the locket we both had been searching for in the first box, she quickly picked up her shotgun and took her first open shot of the night.** _

_**I slumped forward slightly once the spirit disappeared. The saw turned off and I quietly said, "Thanks Mum… Just give me a sec and I'll help you find it."** _

**_She maintained her focus on the third toolbox that she had opened as I leaned over to pick up my shotgun. While I had my left hand on the edge of the metal guide to balance myself to retrieve my firearm, the blade started up again and I felt my hand being pulled towards the moving blade by a hand neither of us could see yet._ **

**_Panic stricken, I dropped my gun again to try to struggle against him screaming, "MUM! HELP! HELP!"_ **

" _ **I'm trying Roo! I can't find it!" She worriedly shouted back. She quickly looked up from her search with her shotgun raised, but the carpenter's ghost had reappeared to my left so that I was between him and any possible forthcoming rock salt rounds.**_

" ** _Bugger!" She huffed to herself before nearly throwing her firearm onto the workbench as she rifled through the fifth tool box. "Stay strong Roo! Just hold on!"_**

" _ **No… No… Please? No!" I repeated over and over helplessly as I fought a losing battle against the ghost's enraged strength. "Mum…Mum… MUM!" I shrieked as the web of my left hand was coming dangerously close to contacting the spinning blade.**_

" ** _Got it!" She shouted triumphantly, holding up the oversized heart shaped locket in her right hand. She then caught sight of what was happening to me and muttered a few expletives as she fumbled with the latch, trying to get to the lock of hair our spirit's widow had admitted to keeping after his death._**

" _ **MUM-MEE!" I absentmindedly screamed in horror as metal connected with flesh.**_

**_She couldn't have spoken if she had wanted to because her nerves had gotten the best of her as well. Once the locket was open, she didn't waste any time trying to remove the pictures or any other contents. Instead, she pulled out a butane torch she had found in one of the previous boxes. The locket was thrown to onto the workbench and Mum held the flame to it until the saw stilled and the ghost vanished in a blaze of fire._ **

_**I dropped to my knees and stared at my left hand as blood gushed from my wound. I was in so much shock that had my mother not told me that I started playing with my thumb to test how deep the cut went on the webbing between it and index finger, I never would have remembered.** _

" ** _Roo! Don't do that! Here put some pressure on it," she reprimanded as she handed me a few sheets of heavy duty, blue paper towels._**

" _ **He… He cut me," I stated to the cupboard before leaning over and vomiting up the meager contents of my stomach onto the floor.**_

**_The next thing I remembered, we were parked near the Emergency Room entrance of the Lincoln General Hospital. I turned to the driver's side to object, but my Mum was no longer there. By the time I got out of the car and had my hand gripped tightly again, she was almost back to the vehicle pushing a wheelchair with a nurse following closely behind._ **

" _ **Addy! Sit!" She ordered once she reached me.**_

" _ **Mum, I'm fine. Can't you just stitch me up?" I whispered as she rolled me towards the large double doors after I had dutifully sit down in the wheelchair she had brought out with her.**_

**_She ignored my pleas and continued by providing as much information as she could to the nurse as she filled out some forms, "She vomited right after cutting herself. That may not seem odd to you, but the sight of blood has never bothered my daughter before… ever. I'm worried that it's a sign that something else caused her to black out and cut herself on the band saw."_ **

" _ **I see Mrs. Jones. Did she hit her head before or after cutting herself? Should we be concerned about a concussion?" The nurse questioned as she led us past everyone in the waiting room to a curtain lined bed.**_

" _ **I'm not sure. I guess that could be a possibility."**_

" _ **Alright, just wait here and I'll go get the doctor," the nurse instructed in an unnervingly calm tone.**_

" _ **Thank you nurse Johnson," Mum replied as she tugged on my right arm to lead me to the bed.**_

" _ **Mum, please? Do we have to go through all of this?" I pleaded with much more desperation in my voice than I had outside. "Please? Can't you just take care of me? I mean this all just seems a bit overkill, do we have to stay here?"  
**_

" _ **Yes, we do Adelaide. There could be some severe muscle or tendon damage and there's no way I can fix that myself. Now sit!" She replied in an infuriated, forceful tone. "Plus, I know today isn't the first day that you've been throwing up, so it could be something serious. Now, don't slack on the pressure and get your ass onto that bed."**_

_**I slumped back against the pillows and barely whispered, "Yes, Mum."** _

_**After what felt like a lifetime, I was finished going through a round of X-Rays and had three surgeons looking at my hand. They all agreed that although the cut looked quite severe, I had lucked out and the actual damage was quite minimal. One of them worked at stitching up my hand and dressing it while I tried to listen in on the conversation Mum was having with the first attending doctor.** _

" _ **No Dr. Piniella, this is at least the fifth day that she's thrown up within eight hours of waking. And yes, I understand that the damage to her hand is quite grotesque, but (Mum stifle a laugh very poorly) believe me, that is not it," Mum explained trying to convince him to probe deeper.**_

_**I couldn't hear his reply, but he appeared from behind the curtain to rejoin the young plastic surgeon and myself.** _

_**The doctor attending to my wound checked over his shoulder then looked back at me and winked saying, "There you go Addy. I tried to take my time so it shouldn't scar too badly for you."** _

" _ **Thanks Jay," I replied softly. When I saw the disapproving look on my Mum's face, I retracted my hand from his gentle hold and quietly corrected myself, "Umm… I mean, thank you Doctor Buhner."**_

_**He nodded and winked again before backing out of my bed area. I stealthily pocketed his business card that he had made a point to write his pager number on before handing it to me. I had no intentions of ever using it, but I still didn't want Mum to see it before I was able to toss it in the trash.** _

" _ **Miss Jones, how are you feeling now? Any nausea?" Dr. Johnson asked in a very disengaged voice. "Loss of appetite? Light headedness?"**_

_**I shook my head and quietly replied "No Sir" after each question.** _

_**He looked over my charts again and without turning his attention away from the paperwork, bluntly asked, "Have you been sexually active?"** _

_**I squirmed in my spot and avoided looking at either of them by fidgeting with my dressing. This reaction prompted an astonished and somewhat angry "Adelaide?" from my Mum.** _

" _ **Yes," I finally whispered guiltily.**_

_**By the time I had mustered the courage to look up Dr. Johnson had his back turned to me while he quietly spoke with Mum. I don't know what he said to her, but she nodded to him and then she looked back at me with tears brimming her eyes and then shook her head as she exited past the curtain.** _

_**Now that we were alone, Dr. Johnson smiled more easily and pulled up a chair beside my bed, "Alright, now I believe I heard you say 'Yes' to my last question?"** _

" _ **Yes sir, I did," I replied with a bit more volume. "But we were… safe."**_

" _ **Well that is definitely encouraging to hear. I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable, but I need to know everything that I'm dealing with so that I can properly prescribe medications, especially for your hand in case of any infection," he explained calmly.**_

" _ **Yes sir, I understand. I have to be honest with you so that you can do your job properly," I said finally making firm eye contact with him.**_

" _ **Your mother said that you were a smart girl," he answered with a warm smile. "Okay. When did you have your last menstrual cycle?"**_

_**I wanted to be honest, so I took a few seconds to carefully go over everything in my head. "Umm… January… Mid-January sir."** _

_**He looked up while writing my answer down and asked, "Miss Jones, it's nearly May, how has this not been a cause of any concern for you?"** _

_**I swallowed hard and lost some of my confidence as I replied, "I have a really irregular cycle… My uhh… My family doctor says that it's probably because of all of the physical activity I do. She explained that because I have so little body fat that it could be irregular. Plus I've been really stressed with school because I'm trying to graduate early, so she also said that could cause me to miss a month or two. I normally go two months between my periods, so I haven't really paid it much mind. Is that bad? Isn't what she said true?"** _

_**His face softened considerably as he responded, "Yes all of that is accurate, but I would still like to run a blood test to be sure. I don't want to prescribe an antibiotic if you shouldn't be taking it. Now, you'll be spending at least the night with us, so I'm going to have a nurse take the blood while I find out which room they have ready so your Mom can meet you there."** _

" _ **Do I have to? Can't you just take the blood and contact my family doctor with the results so that I can go home?" I questioned sounding like a petulant child.**_

" _ **I'm sorry, but no, I can't in good conscience do that. The bruising on your arms is troubling to say the least, so I think a couple of days rest with us would be in your best interest," he answered and left before I could attempt to mount another argument.**_

_**A nurse immediately appeared by my bed and she started drawing vials of blood. I figured I couldn't fight it, so I relaxed against the pillows. I heard her cluck her tongue and when I opened my eyes I saw that she was shaking her head to herself as she worked.** _

" _ **Stay here and an orderly will be by shortly to escort you to your room," she commanded with a tone that left no room for argument.**_

" _ **Yes Ma'am," I replied sheepishly.**_

_**After she was gone, I looked down at my arms. There I saw not only was there a line from the two by four blossoming into a bruise against my forearm along with the undeniable marks of fingerprints accompanying it.** _

**Shit! They probably think my boyfriend did this to me. Damn it!**

" _ **This just won't do. I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and see if I can find anything that resembles edible food… Or maybe some fruit," Mum announced as she placed the cover on our food and tossed it in the trash.**_

_**After she left the room I finally replied just over a whisper, "Okay. Thanks Mum."** _

_**The one night turned into two and during our stay she never once tried to crack a joke to ease the tension between us, so I knew that she was upset. When she didn't call me anything but 'Addy' or the occasional exasperated 'Adelaide', I knew she was still beyond pissed off. In an attempt to do anything I could to try to appease her, I just agreed to everything that she proposed because by now I just desperately wanted to hear her call me her little 'Roo' at least one more time.** _

_**Dr. Johnson thankfully visited with the results of my blood tests while Mum was away hunting down our new breakfast. He handed me the printout and let me look it over in silence. I stared at it and reread it a few times hoping that it didn't actually say what I thought it was telling me.** _

_**He mistook the look on my face as my not understanding the results and politely explained, "My initial suspicions were correct. You are about two months pregnant. Do you remember the last time you had intercourse?"** _

_**I looked up at him and glared then replied with a snarl, "I'm not a slut! The last time Dean made love to me was Saturday February 21** _ _**st** _ _**, thank you very much Dr. Johnson."** _

" _ **I'm sorry Addy, I didn't mean to imply anything by that, but most girls you're age…"**_

" _ **I'm not a whore like most girls my age," I snapped to interrupt the rest of his statement.**_

" _ **ADELAIDE!" My Mum called from the door. "I am so sorry Dr. Johnson for my daughter's rudeness. Now, may I ask the question she should have asked?" The doctor nodded so she proceeded, "Will that have any effect on what you will need to prescribe to stave off any infections so that her hand will heal properly so that she won't lose any use of it at all in the future?"**_

_**They then turned to each other and spoke as if I wasn't even in the room. "Thankfully infection doesn't appear to be a concern. Plus she was already up to date with her tetanus shot, so that shouldn't be a problem either. Unfortunately, if she suffers from any pain, she will have to take it easy on the pain medications and although caffeine can help augment the effects of pain killers, I would strongly discourage that practice."** _

" _ **Of course… While I was out I bought all of the pre-natal vitamins she'll need as well," Mum explained. "Thank you for your help doctor. And obviously Adelaide is very sorry for her immature behavior, but I would like to extend our heartfelt apologies nonetheless."**_

_**Without having to incur her silent wrath I quickly added, "I sincerely apologize Dr. Johnson. You were just doing your job and I shouldn't have snapped at you like that Sir. Thank you for all of your help."** _

_**The doctor smiled, but I could tell that he was holding back the desire to laugh somewhat. "That's alright Addy. I can appreciate the stress that you must be feeling. Now, there don't appear to be any complications with either of your conditions, so I believe we can expect that you will be discharged by late this afternoon. Be sure to check in with your family doctor as soon as you get home though." He walked over and squeezed my hand finishing, "Take care of yourself because now you're taking care of another life too."** _

_**I flashed him a sad smile promising, "I will Dr. Johnson. Thank you again for everything."** _

_**He nodded politely to my Mum then left us alone in the room. I knew that she must have been beyond angry with me and I wanted to stay strong, but I let my silent tears fall as I tried to find the right words to say to her before she turned to face me.** _

_**All that I could whisper through my tears was a sorrow-filled, "I'm so sorry Mummy."** _

_**She turned around and when she saw me crying, a couple of tears trickled down her cheeks as well. She took a step forward and placed a paper bag on the table beside me then passed a plastic covered plate with cheese, apple slices and crackers on it.** _

" _ **You must be hungry Roo," she commented softly. "After you've eaten, I'll go over the vitamin regime that I've planned out for you."**_

_**I stared at her in silent amazement then she leaned over, kissed my head and rested her forehead on my hair saying, "I love you so much my Addy and I don't want this to change anything between us. You have always been honest with me, so please Roo, please… Can we go back to how it used to be between us?"** _

_**I nodded and shifted over so she could sit with me on the bed. She immediately wrapped her arm around my neck and I cuddled into her side placing my head on her shoulder as I quietly told her, "There's only been Dean Mum. He's my first… He's my only…"** _

_**She kissed my head again and softly stroked my hair replying in a serene tone, "I had a feeling that's who it was Roo."** _

_**We sat in a comfortable silence as she eased my troubled mind by gently petting my hair. "Now… What I really want to know… When you have a gorgeous baby girl… You're going to name her after me, right?"** _

_**I laughed quietly as I started to fall asleep and slurred a quiet, "Of course I will Mummy."** _

"Was that a happy memory?" Ariel asked from her spot beside me on the bed.

I rolled over to look at her and answered, "It didn't used to be. When I used to dream about finding out about being pregnant, I always jumped straight to Sydney's reaction."

The angel sighed and smiled then said, "Well I think that means you're ready."

I sat up and she gently caressed my check adding, "Call me if you need me."

I blinked and found myself standing in my kitchen with a gym bag hanging off my shoulder. I let it fall to the floor as I turned in a circle to double check that I actually was where I thought I was. The whole main floor was dark, so I turned on a few lights before I realized that the house felt quite chilly as well.

As I turned up the up the thermostat, I started to feel an odd sense of unease. The house felt eerily quiet and empty, but I couldn't figure out why. Everything in the living room and kitchen looked the same, so I just wrote my feelings off as me not being used to being alone in the house.

With that in mind, I made the den my next stop to turn on the TV or stereo to cut through the deafening silence. It wasn't until I had the five disc changer stereo on shuffle that I notice some boxes piled up on the floor. The one directly beside the couch was open and there were a few books on the coffee table, along with one open on the couch.

I didn't stop to read the writing on the boxes, but as I got closer to the couch I could tell the book was actually one of my journals. I sat down and picked it up to read it, initially thinking that it may have been one of the journals I had left for Toby, but the date inscribed on it told me it was one that I had written four years after his birth.

_Who's reading my journal? More importantly… Why aren't they still in the closet in my room?_

I quickly rummaged through the open box and found more of my journals along with some of my non-hunting related reading materials. Feeling confused and fairly curious, I got up to investigate further. The boxes were the first thing I came into contact with, so I inspected their inscriptions. After reading "YEARBOOKS AND NOVELS" on the bottom one, I moved over to the bookshelf that looked more barren than it used to. I pulled out a few books but it didn't take me long to realize that everything left on the shelves served only one purposed; research for hunting.

"Dean still stays here when he's in town," a voice explained behind me. I turned and he continued as he picked up a journal on the table and put it in the open box. "It made us all kind of sad to see so many of your personal belongings around the house after you were gone… So Dad and I decided it would be easier if we packed them up."

"I'm so sorry Toby," I apologized just over a whisper.

He immediately ran over and crushed me in a hug. I rubbed his back lovingly without loosening my tight hold and Toby asked, "Are you really home? Like for good?"

"Yes Buddy, I am," I answered actually being able to hold back my tears.

"Really?" He almost shouted as he released me. I held his face and nodded in reply. As I held his cheeks, he quietly said, "I'm sorry I tried to stab you Mum."

My desire to cry quickly shifted to laughter. I pulled him into a more tender embrace as I replied through my laughter, "That's okay Toby. I would have done the same thing. I'm just glad that you've taken everything Dean and I have taught you to heart."

He let me maintain my hold on him in silence for a while before he quietly asked, "Does this mean that I can move my stuff back into my room?"

I pushed him gently back so that I could see his face and gave him a questioning look. Before I could ask him anything, Toby clarified, "Dad sleeps on the couch when he and Uncle Sam visit… Since no one is… Was living here, we packed everything up for safe keeping. I… Uhh… I think there's usually only beer and whiskey in the fridge, but wait… I think Mom restocked everything because Dad said they might visit before heading to Bobby when they finish this job."

I had once again been trying to hold back by tears, but hearing that explanation left me completely heartbroken. "Oh God… Toby… Buddy I really am so sorry… Really I never meant for… Please forgive me."

He shrugged and smiled brightly then said, "It's okay Mum. You're home now so that's all that matters."

We then spent the rest of the day unpacking everything while he filled me in on what I had missed over the past few months. When he got to the part about Dean getting Sam's soul back, I stopped and thought _His soul? Now THAT makes sense. Shit! Who would have thought?_ Toby didn't know how Dean did it, so I didn't press the matter with him.

After the den's bookshelves were back to their more usual state, Toby blurted out, "I should call Mom and Pop! They'll be so excited to see you!"

"Of course Buddy, you should. Why don't you do that while I carry this stuff upstairs?"

He quickly wrapped his arms around me then explained, "I just wanted to double check you were really here."

"I really am Buddy. Why don't you go call them then break down the boxes we emptied? I'll be right back down, okay?"

I then carried my journals back up to my room. It looked like Dean or someone else had started to pack up our room, but stopped midway through. I let a few more tears of remorse fall as I removed the few personal items that were in the box by our closet. Most of Dean clothes were gone, but mine were still hanging there.

I hope that the lack of packing meant that Dean hadn't found my secret stash of supplies. Growing up, Mum had always reminded me to keep a cell and cash on hand along with IDs, etcetera just in case something happened and I had to lay low for a while. I had never anticipated that I would have to revert to using an alias after being resurrected from the grave, so I tried to keep from focusing on why I was on my hands and knees trying to find the lock box under our bed.

After I pulled it out, I sat on the bed to open it and pulled out the cellphone and turned it on to try Dean's number. I had a feeling he wouldn't answer, so I left a voicemail before pulling everything else out. There were a couple of stacks of bank wrapped bills and a wallet with a California Driver's License for 'Claudia Victoria Hayes'. It was the alias I had come up with in high school. I had never anticipated using it, but I still had 'my guy' make a renewed ID in that name every five years.

I left that box open on the bed then check the storage area behind the false panel in the closet. Thankfully it too remained untouched. I pulled out my Mum's hand gun and the three clips of different types of bullets, along with a few daggers and knives. I opted to leave the stash of cash I had placed there until it was absolutely needed.

As I repacked Poppy's old duffle bag, I tried Dean's cell two more times, but refrained from leaving any more messages. I looked around the room one more time then went to rejoin Toby in the den.

As I approached the room, I heard Maureen's concerned voice saying, "Tobias… Son, I know that you miss her and it's okay that you come out here to feel close to her, but she's gone. I'm sure that she's in Heaven right now watching over all of us with Victoria."

"No Mom, really she's alive. I haven't asked her how yet, but she's back!" Toby asserted stepping away from his Mom as she tried to hug him.

I watched their backs silently for a few minutes before I finally softly called out, "No Mo, he's right… I am back."

Before Maureen turned around, Toby pointed to me and said, "See? I told you!"

She slowly turned and asked, "Adelaide? How are you back darling?"

I smiled and hugged her quietly answering, "If I told you it was a miracle, can we hold off getting into the more in depth answer for a later date?"

Maureen looked me in the face then held be tightly to her again saying, "Yes Adelaide, you being alive is enough… For now."

The three of us spent the majority of the night together and I artfully dodged any questions about how I died, but I did tell them that it was an angel that brought me back. Toby joked that that made Dean and I even more alike now. Maureen also easily agreed with me that it would probably be best if I didn't show my face in town, so she offered to do the grocery shopping that needed to be done. When I pulled out my wallet to give her money, it only took one disapproving glare for me to quickly replace it in my pocket without a word.

It took a little bit more for both of us to convince Toby to head home after they returned with the groceries. I promised him that I would still be here when he got back after school. Then after a few more hugs and words affirming that everything I had promised, Toby finally left with Maureen.

Although it was late, I didn't feel the least bit tired, so I spent the night putting the house back in order. I even ventured outside and was slightly shocked to see that our Yukon wasn't parked where I had left but, but that GTO was still in the garage with all of my ammunition and cleaning supplies.

By midday, Dean still hadn't returned my call, so I chanced placing a call to Bobby. I wasn't sure that he would actually believe it was me, but at this point I was all out of options.

" _Koala Bear? Is it really you?"_

"Hey Bobby… Umm… How'd you know?"

" _Maureen called me last night. She had a feeling you would call,"_ he explained in a light hearted tone. Then he sternly asked, _"Adelaide is it true? Were you fool hearted enough to sell your soul so that an angel had to rescue you from Hell?"_

I should have expected that Bobby would have figured it out, but his blunt question still caught me off guard.

" _Adelaide please tell you aren't as stupid as that stubborn…"_

"Yes Bobby, I did," I interrupted quietly over my tears.

" _Koala Bear... Toby wouldn't want to be protected like that… He would rather have his Mum around,"_ Bobby lovingly replied.

"I know Bobby and if I could go back in time, I would have just told Crowley to go back to Hell… But you have to admit, he was a pretty damn good salesman," I gently teased.

" _True,"_ he begrudgingly conceded. _"So have you spoken to that idjit boyfriend of yours?"_

"No… Not since I got home. I called his cell a few times, but I haven't heard back from him. Toby said that he was working a job, so hopefully he'll call when it's…" I trailed off as I watched a familiar looking muscle car pull into the backyard. "Or… Speak of the devil…"

" _Pardon?"_

"Sorry Bobby, I have to run… Umm… Dean just pulled up. I'll come see you soon, okay?"

I quickly hung up before he replied and was barely able to get the phone in its cradle before Dean had spun me around. He took a second to caress my face before he pinned me to the counter in a rough, lust-filled kiss.

When he finally relented to catch his breath I panted, "Couch… Now!"

He stepped back and I led the way, starting to shed my clothes along the way. By the time he finally met me in the den, all of my clothes were piled beside the couch, but Dean had only removed his jacket and boots.

I stepped up to him, kissed his lips and started to undo his jeans. "I hope you're okay with leaving your shirt on because you are taking way too long," I commented as I squatted to pull his jeans and boxers off.

Dean's only reply was to pick me up once I was standing and then carrying me to the couch after he stepped out of his pants.

Once he was lying comfortably on top of me, Dean almost tearfully asked, "And… You're home for good?"

I wrapped my legs around his thighs, planted my feet on the cushion and guided him into me as I nodded vigorously. He smothered my grin with another kiss and pushed his full weight almost painfully into me. As always, we found our pace easily and remained in synch up until we both climaxed. At some point Dean had managed to remove his t-shirt and it joined the pile of my clothes on the floor.

We both shifted so that we were on our sides facing each other on the couch with our legs tangled together. Dean placed his left hand on the small of my back to keep me from falling off the couch.

"Really? No more disappearing acts?" Dean asked as he rubbed soft circles on my back.

"None in the foreseeable future… You know unless it's to duck into the restroom to take care of 'lady business' so you and Sam won't feel uncomfortable," I teased as I nuzzled into his chest and kissed every piece of flesh I could reach.

Once I was finished speaking, Dean pushed me back and almost knocked me off the couch asking, "What?"

I smiled coyly and pulled myself closer to him. Dean realized his mistake and placed his hand on my back again as I replied, "Unless your offer to hunt with you and Sam has expired…"

He stared at me in silence for a few seconds so I pecked his lips and softly said, "Dean, don't forget to breathe."

He ran his fingers through my hair asking, "You're sure? That's what you really want to do?"

"Yes, yes it is. I know I was angry before, but an angel saved me… From Hell… From Sydney… I figure that I more than owe God now."

"From Sydney?" Dean inquired as his face contorted into a look of horrified concern. "What… What do you…?"

"Ahem… I'm sorry; I believe I may have come at a bad time."

I pressed my body closer to Dean's as his hand went to frantically cover any part of my body it could.

"Blanket Dean! Grab the blanket," I demanded in quiet desperation.

Dean swiftly pulled down the blanket from behind him and covered our naked bodies. I kept my face hidden in his neck as he teased, "Whatever happened to you learning to use the door Cas?"

I groaned as Castiel awkwardly explained, "I was helping Tobias to locate Ade… Addy… I didn't mean to… Uhh… Interrupt you."

"Don't worry… You just missed the main stage show," Dean joked with a mildly annoyed tone.

"Dee-ee-ean," I whined. "Can't we put some clothes on before you get into a war of words with Castiel?"

I kept my face buried in Dean's flesh, too embarrassed to face the angel right now. Dean didn't seem to be fazed at all and continued to practically taunt the celestial being.

"So Cas? Do you just want to gawk at Lay and I or are you going to turn around so we can get dressed?"

"Dee-ean," I grumbled at his apparent insensitivity.

"Oh… Uhh… My apologies," Castiel finally mumbled.

Dean then slowly pushed the blanket off us and whispered, "He's not looking Lay."

I quickly rolled off the couch and practically threw Dean's t-shirt at him in my haste to get my clothes back on. He continued to be overly amused at the situation and even chuckled as he pulled on his jeans. I threw him a few glares, but he completely ignored each one.

"Okay Cas, we're decent now," Dean announced with an annoyingly triumphant tone.

Castiel cleared his throat and thrust out his left hand while avoiding eye contact while formally stating, "I believe this is yours Addy."

I took the cardigan whispering a 'Thank You', put it on and hugged my arms around my body. When Dean stepped closer to me and tried to wrap an arm around me, I shied away from him and he thankfully didn't push the matter.

Instead he turned his attention to the intruder while sitting comfortably on the couch asking, "So Cas? What is so fuh… Frigging important that you just HAD to pop in?"

I remained standing, uncomfortably trying to avoid their conversation. Castiel stepped closer to me, placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and explained, "I was helping Tobias located Adel… Addy's soul. I wasn't aware that you knew that she had returned home safely." I finally lifted my guilt-ridden, apologetic eyes to him as he added with a warm smile, "I wouldn't have 'popped' in if I knew."

"Oh… Geez, Castiel. I'm so sorry," I replied softly. "I thought you knew."

He offered me a kind smile then passed me my knife saying, "I believe this also belongs to you. I hope Tobias won't be mad that I returned it to you."

I took it from him with a shaky hand and let it drop onto the coffee table. Once I was sure it was safe at my side, I grabbed the lapels of Castiel's trench coat and hugged him tightly. His arms immediately wrapped around me gently and I cried softly into his chest.

"It's okay Addy. You never had to ask for forgiveness… I understand why you were upset back then and haven't given it a second thought."

I leaned back and he dried my tears with a Kleenex that he produced from unknown origins. "I'm just elated that you are in fact alive."

"Still… Castiel, I'm so sorry… I never really wanted to hurt you," I reaffirmed as I took a step back.

"Okay," Dean interjected. "Now that we all know that Lay is alive… Is there anything else that HAS to be discussed right this second?"

"Actually yes there is," a woman's voice answered beside me.

I turned and instinctively hugged her. I then turned to the two men while I kept an arm around her waist. "Dean! This is the angel that I told you about," I announced excitedly.

She wrapped an arm around my waist and gently rubbed my stomach and almost inaudibly said, "Finally."

Castiel stared at us wide-eyed then sternly ordered, "Adelaide step away from her."

She tightened her grip around my waist and sneered.

"Raphael! Let her go!" Castiel commanded forcefully once again.

I stared at Castiel then looked back at the woman to my right sadly imploring, "No… No! She's 'Ariel'!"

The angel squeezed my waist again, ignoring my words and mockingly retorted to Castiel, "Now I have another piece of the puzzle that I needed to destroy you."

After we disappeared, Dean jumped up and yelled at his angel, "What the hell is going on Cas? Who the fuck was that?"

Castiel solemnly answered him saying, "I don't know why Dean, but Raphael has taken Adelaide."


	9. That You've Forgiven Me

After Addy and 'her' angel had disappeared, Dean jumped up and yelled at 'his' angel, "What the hell is going on Cas? Who the fuck was that? And why the fuck is Lay gone again?"

Castiel solemnly answered him saying, "I don't know why Dean, but Raphael has taken Adelaide."

"Come again? Who has taken Lay?" Dean asked angrily.

Castiel opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by Toby's elated voice calling out from the doorway to the kitchen "Dad! Dad! You're here!"

The angel turned to leave but Dean quickly reached out and grabbed his arm, warning in a low severe tone, "Don't you dare leave me here alone to explain all of this to Toby!"

"But Dean I…"

"Dad! You got here a lot faster than I thought you would," Toby exclaimed as he wrapped Dean in a quick, tight hug. "Have you seen Mum? Oh… Of course you have! Doesn't she look great? It's almost like she was never gone or something. And she said that she wants to start hunting again. So I was thinking, maybe the three of us could go out and do a hunt together this summer. Or maybe more than one. I'm a really good shot now, you know… Hey… Wait… Where's Mum hiding?"

Castiel stared at the young teen wide-eyed for a moment because he still wasn't used to Toby's rapid fire fashion of talking. After he had regrouped himself, he looked to Dean and stated, "I will let you know when I have found something of worth, Dean. Tobias, I'm… I'm sorry, but I will have to keep the knife you lent me for a little while longer."

Toby looked between the two adult males with a confused look on his face then asked, "Why? Now that Mum's home, you don't really need it to find her because she'll be with us… Well with Dad… Right? Dad?"

Dean looked at Castiel for support, but the angel just quietly said, "I will be in touch as soon as I know more. Again I'm very sorry."

"Bastard," Dean cursed under his breath once Castiel left him alone with his son.

"Dad? Where's Mum?" Toby questioned when Dean avoided eye contact. When Dean didn't answer, Toby's tone shifted from sad concern to agitated as he repeated, "Dad… Where is Mum?"

"Buddy… We need to talk," Dean started calmly as he led Toby to the couch.

They stared at each other and Toby's eyes started to water before any more words were spoken. "Dad… Where's Mum?" He questioned again with an anguished tone.

"I don't know Toby," Dean answered softly. "We were here together talking and then another angel showed up… And then they were gone."

"Another angel? Who was it? Where'd they go?"

"I'm not one hundred percent sure… Lay called her 'Ariel', but Cas called her 'Raphael'…" Dean explained.

"Raph… Raphael? You mean like the Arc angel? The one that killed Cas when you went after Lilith? The one that came after you guys at Balthazar's house? The one that started the war with Castiel for control of Heaven? That Raphael?" Toby asked in a fairly detached voice in an attempt to keep his tears at bay.

"Yes, the one and the same," Dean quietly replied.

"AND YOU'RE STILL CALM?" Toby shouted accusatorily as he jumped up off the couch.

"Yes I am Toby because we have to keep a level head if we're going to find her," Dean answered gently, pulling his son back to the couch.

"But Dad, Raphael has her! What's he going to do to her? Why would he want her?" The teen frantically questioned.

"I don't know Toby, I really don't. Cas is going to work on the why while he's trying to find her… And that's where you come in too Buddy," Dean continued in the same soothing tone.

"Me? How can I help?" Toby asked timidly and somewhat forlornly.

"The same way you always do Buddy… Research. I'm… We're really going to need your help with research," Dean explained. "You're an expert at it, so what do you say? Think you can put your skills to work for us?"

"What… what do you need me to look into?"

"Well I was thinking… Maybe if we know more about Raphael…" Dean started slowly.

"Then maybe we can figure out what he might want with Mum," Toby cut in still sounding quite unsure and upset.

"Exactly. Do you think you can help me out with that?"

Toby nodded softly while a couple of tears trickled down his cheek. He scrubbed his cheeks with his shirt sleeves as he got up and made his way over to the bookshelf.

"Toby? Are you okay Buddy?" Dean questioned from his spot on the couch.

Toby had pulled down a few books he would need and stared at them as he nodded in response. Then he turned around and asked, "Why? Why did it HAVE to be her? Why couldn't the stupid angels kidnap someone else? Why did he take Mum?" Dean remained mute, but offered his son a sympathetic smile. "I hate this stupid fucking war," Toby grumble quietly to himself looking down at the text in his hands.

Dean's eyes grew wide as Toby's words hit his ears, but the teen just turned back to the shelves as if they had never passed his lips. He continued to read through the titles trying to find more books on the topic at hand without a second thought to the coarse language he had used to express his anger at the Arc Angel.

"Toby!" Dean finally scolded in an uncharacteristically parental tone when his son offered no attempts at an apology.

The teen jumped slightly then turned to face his father. He was used to seeing that scowl on his Mom's face when he had gone against Maureen's wishes, but Toby wasn't prepared to see Dean wearing that same expression. He instantly felt a pang of guilt in the pit of his stomach akin to the feeling he had had the one and only time Dean had raised his voice to discipline his son in the past.

"I'm sorry Dad," Toby apologized swiftly. "I didn't mean to… I'm so sorry… It won't happen… I'm sorry."

Dean's face softened then he replied, "It's okay, but Buddy you really have to watch the language. I know that Lay and I have always kept the rules kind of lax when you stay with us, but you can't talk like that… Especially when you're around Mo. We had had to promise her that hunting wouldn't cause any major changes in your behavior. If you slip up and cuss in front of her, then that's it Buddy, no more working with us."

"I know and I'm really sorry Dad. I promise, it won't happen again," Toby apologized quickly.

"Good to hear because as good as Sam is, I really don't want to lose my number one researcher," Dean gently teased as he stood and pulled Toby into a comforting hug.

"I swear, I'll be more careful," Toby vowed once again into Dean's shoulder.

"Good to hear. So… Do you have everything you need?" Dean asked as he picked up the books Toby had pulled out and put them into a bag.

Toby grabbed down a few more volumes and added them to the collection already in the bag. He gave the remaining books a long, lingering look, but decided that he had all of the books that he needed from this particular collection.

"Yeah, I think that's all that I need from Mum's library," the younger Winchester finally answered.

Dean wrapped his arm around his son's shoulders, picked up his school bag and then led Toby towards the Impala. After they were comfortable in their seats, Toby turned towards his father and asked, "Do you really think we'll find Mum and get her back?"

Dean reached over, gripped Toby's shoulder and answered, "You bet your ass we will Buddy." Toby stared at Dean wide-eyed and unsure how to reply. "Hey, we're not at your house yet, so it's better for us to get it out before we're within Mo's earshot." Toby continued to stare at Dean, completely dumbfounded. "Seriously Buddy, this is your last chance to get it out."

The teen looked at Dean and took deep breath, but remained silent. "Honest Toby, I won't get mad at all. Just say whatever you're feeling right now, no filter needed."

"Okay… Well in all honesty… I'm sick and tired of all of these dumbass, stupid, dick-faced angels that keep popping into our lives and fucking us all over to further their own stupid, fucking agendas." When Toby was done, he threw his hand up over his mouth and nearly chanted, "I'm sorry" over and over through his fingers.

"Okay," Dean started somewhat surprised. "Is it all out of your system?"

Toby maintained a firm grip on his mouth as he nodded his head vigorously.

Dean chuckled and patted Toby on his upper back. "That's good to hear because I need you to help me get Lay home so I can have a little chat with her about that potty mouth she taught you."

The young teen cracked an amused smile and replied through his laughter, "Dad did you just say 'potty mouth'?"

Dean shrugged then nonchalantly said, "Well, you've got to admit, you can curse like a sailor and I'm know I didn't teach you that."

============================  
                      Change of POV  
============================

"But it's impossible for us to find them since Castiel hid them," a rough male's voice stated flatly.

"Yes, those sigils have proven to be quite the nuisance, but I trust that you will be able to overcome the obstacle Virgil," a female answered. "The only thing that matters is that they all die in the end."

A few other voices shared in the soft laughter that that statement induced and the first male cleared his throat before somberly saying, "If I go after Balthazar first, he may lead me to the other two, if not all three."

"Perfect. I have every confidence that you will be successful," the female commented. "Now, it appears that she is waking up, so go and be swift in battle my brothers."

I tried to stay as quiet and as still as possible, but I heard 'Ariel' acknowledge that I was awake, so I let out a heavy sigh and rolled over onto my back. As I sat up, I gently touched my stomach and nearly shrieked with surprise.

"Adelaide how was your rest?"

I ran my hands over the bump on my belly, ignored her question and asked, "How long have I been sleeping?"

She sat down beside me and petted my face answering, "Not as long as you think… You have only been with me a couple of days this time time around."

She then gripped both sides of my midsection and closed her eyes in deep concentration. As her hands started to glow brightly, I had to close my eyes tightly to block out the blinding glare. Her grip instantly became almost uncomfortable, but I found myself unable and unwilling to struggle out of her hold for some reason.

After what felt like only a few minutes, I could feel her release me from her grasp so I slowly opened my eyes.

"Ariel… What did you do?"

She sneered and replied while rolling her eyes, "Adelaide stop acting like a child and use my proper name."

I gripped my belly protectively and asked, "Okay… Well fine… then who's 'Ariel'?"

She stood up and poured a glass of water answering somewhat condescendingly, "I don't know, a cartoon mermaid with red hair that Disney made a lot of money off of?" She thrust the glass of water with some pills in my direction. "Here, take these."

I took the pills and the glass of water, but I wasn't able to ask my next question aloud before she sharply cut in, "They're just vitamins. We need to make sure your baby is healthy, don't we?"

I swallowed them down then meekly questioned, "But what did you do Ari… Raphael? If I've only been here a few days, how am I already showing?"

The angel smiled and snickered saying, "Well it's somewhat unorthodox, but I really don't want to prolong this ordeal any more than I have to… Although it seems to be a lot easier and faster when you're sleeping."

She leaned in closer and I jumped off the bed to increase the distance between us then asked in a low harsh tone, "But what did you do?"

"Oh relax Adelaide, the baby is fine. I just used my grace to expedite the gestation process. Please, let's dispose of the melodramatics," Raphael replied sounding both exasperate and annoyed.

"And why do you angels give a shit about me and my unborn child?" I spat out at her.

At that she threw her hands up in a sign of friendly surrender. She then turned her back to me and seemed to have a non-verbal debate with herself before turning back to me. The angel then replied with a soft shrug, "Well Lucifer needs his vessel doesn't he?"

"Lucifer? But… but he has Sam," I countered as I gingerly sat down on the bed in disbelief. "Just like Michael has Dean. They're supposed to battle to death to end the Apocalypse."

"Yes… That's true, they WERE supposed to," she replied pointedly. "But that all changed when you gave birth to that little bastard of yours."

I stared at her with my mouth hanging open, so she corrected herself saying in an insincere tone, "Oh… So sorry, you actually call him your 'beloved Toby'."

"Toby? No, but it's Dean and Sam… It all ends with them," I commented still in a haze of confusion.

"No Adelaide, it was SUPPOSED to end with them, but now we know that they aren't the end of the bloodline. No it all will come to its inevitable conclusion with the end of the Winchester lineage. We all thought that meant Dean and Sam… Although that was until we found out about Dean's son." She watched my face contort from disbelief to confusion and then she added, "Yes… Because you two couldn't keep your pants on, it now ends with Toby… Oh and the little player to be named later that you have baking in your oven there."

I stood and stepped back away from her again, gripping the bump at my midsection asking, "Why? Why are you telling me all of this?"

She appeared behind me as I started to back away from where I had seen her and replied, "What harm is it to tell a dead woman the truth?" before she tapped my forehead so that I would pass out.

_**I rolled over and woke up lying on my back, gripping my stomach tightly. Although I was certain that I had only been asleep for a few hours, my stomach had grown as if I had been asleep for a month.** _

_**After I had assured myself that I was alone, I sat up, rubbed my belly adoringly and asked, "So baby? How are we going to get ourselves out of this one? I'm pretty sure that Raphael has hidden us from our favorite angel…" I started to breakdown in tears, but still kept talking to my unborn child in order to ease my pain. "Do you think we can reach him? Maybe if we try together he'll be able to find us. What do you think little one?"** _

_**I stood up off the bed and found that I couldn't stop touching the new life growing in my body. I needed to find something, anything that could help me. I pulled open the few drawers I could find in hopes of uncovering a knife, a letter opener, or anything with a pointy edge, but there were of course none. I rapidly moved between window coverings, but once again didn't find an actual window at any of them. Instead, I uncovered bricks where there should have been glass and i tried to keep from feeling my heart break.** _

_**The baby started to kick rapidly, so I stroked my stomach and commented in a soothing tone, "It's okay baby, it's okay. Mummy's going to figure out a way out of this… We're going to be okay."** _

_**Today was the first day that the room wasn't adorned with crystal vases filled with flowers of various shapes, species and colors, so I stopped all movement to take a moment to regroup. I tried to picture something that could be viable to use against an angel. Although I knew that all I really needed was something that I could use to create one the blood sigils that Dean had shown me so that I could at least banish Raphael until I was ready for him… Her… Well whatever sex the arc angel decided to show up in I knew that I needed something that would hold it off, at least until I had some sort of an escape route planned.** _

_**Somehow I managed not to break down into tears when I couldn't think of anything that could be of use to me. When I opened my eyes I focused my enlarged belly and smiled when the centerpiece on the coffee table came into view. Raphael had placed a jar candle with lilies surrounding it along with three leaf clovers to complete the arrangement. I picked up the jar candle and tossed it against the stone face of the fireplace in the hopes it would break off a piece of glass big enough to cut my palm to draw the symbol I needed to in blood.** _

_**After the sound of the loud smash, I walked over to it and let out a soft sob when I saw that this plan had failed… Horribly. All of the glass surrounding the wax had shattered into teeny tiny shards that would have only caused tiny cuts to my fingers and weren't of any use to me.** _

" _ **Okay… Now what?" I asked to no one in particular out loud.**_

_**The baby started to kick so vigorously that I had to sit down on the couch for fear of falling over.** _

" _ **Okay… Shh… Mummy's calm, I promise. Mummy's calm," I reassured my unborn child while still gripping my midsection tightly.**_

_**Then the kicking didn't let up, I opened my eyes thinking that we had another unwanted guest in our presence. Thankfully, I found that we were still alone. My eyes then fell onto the now demolished centerpiece and I laughed softly as I picked up a hand full of clovers.** _

" _ **I'm not sure this will help baby, but I guess it's worth a try."**_

_**As I clutched the handful of greenery to my heart, I focused every thought, feeling and prayer on an image of the once rogue angel.** _

" _ **Castiel? Please… Please, I really need your help," I pleaded out loud. "Please Cas? I need you to find me."  
**_

_**After what felt like hours of begging and meditating, the trench coat clad angel finally showed up. I was doubled over in pain on the couch because the baby had been kicking so hard, so his arrival wasn't immediately evident to me. I didn't stop my rhythmic in and out of my breath to minimize the pain I was feeling until I felt his reassuring hand on my shoulder.** _

" _ **Addy? Are you okay?"**_

" _ **No, Cas I'm not," I replied sitting back on the seat exposing my more than protruding baby bump. I quickly thrust out my hand and blurted out, "Here, take this… Please Cas?"**_

_**He took the item without looking at it as he stuttered, "Addy… You're… You're…"** _

" _ **Pregnant? Yeah, I am… And I think I get it now… This is just a dream, so we have to move quickly Castiel. That paper will tell you where to find us," I explained hurriedly. When his eyes remained fixed on my stomach, I lifted his chin and forced his eyes to meet mine as I continued," Yeah… Raphael sped up the process. Now, please? Can you focus for me? You have to find me and get me the hell out of here, okay? I promise, I'll explain everything in person."**_

_**He nodded and clutched the note firmly saying, "I will see you soon Addy, you and your baby."** _

Castiel immediately went to the address she had scrawled on the paper. He couldn't help but laugh when he realized that Addy could in fact conjure up anything that she needed in a dream state to get her point across to him. However, for some reason, she remained oblivious to the ways that she could use that skill to help herself in the real world.

He turned in a quick circle in the middle of the room and noticed that it was identical to the room that he had visited Addy during her dream. This was the Bed and Breakfast that he sought, but he wasn't sure in which room he would find her. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he tried to sense her presence.

"Did you really think that he would allow you find her that easily?" A voice questioned behind the angel.

Before Castiel even had a chance to register the words spoken, he heard the newcomer advancing on him. Without a second thought, Castiel pulled out his silver, dagger sized weapon and turned while thrusting it into the other man's chest.

As he placed the lifeless body of the vessel gently onto the floor, he softly stated, "I'm so sorry brother."

Although he had been informed that there was no chance of finding Addy there, Castiel was still vigilant and checked every room methodically. But each room yielded the same result as the next; nothing was there, so he left as quickly as he could to avoid being attacked by any of Raphael's supporters again.

==========================  
                 Change of POV  
==========================

I hoped that when I opened my eyes, I would find myself at Bobby's house or at least in some crummy motel in some random small town. Instead I was still on the comfortable Queen-sized bed Raphael had brought me to a few days earlier. I felt like I could sleep for a month, but a strange sensation around my midsection jostled me out of my slumber.

Raphael brushed the back of her arm across her brow as she sighed wearily and then said, "That was a valiant effort Adelaide, but did you really think that I would make it that easy for you?"

I struggled slightly to sit up under the weight of my belly, but Raphael didn't offer me any help. The angel actually looked ill and sweaty as she stood beside the bed. I took note in the back of my mind of the sluggish way she now moved and smiled to myself before responding, "No, but then again you know me, I had to give it a try."

She stumbled slightly as she walked away from me, so I took the opportunity to try to get more information out of her. "So, if I'm not actually at the Bed and Breakfast, then where have you stashed me?"

The angel had now recovered a bit more of her strength and walked back over to my side and stroked my enlarged stomach replying, "Oh, somewhere safe Adelaide… Somewhere very safe."

She offered me one last smirk before disappearing and leaving us alone again. I quickly got up… Well I got up as quickly as my current condition would allow and tried to find something that might help me figure out where I was or how to contact Castiel again.

I knew in my heart that there wouldn't be anything of use there, but that didn't lessen my feelings of despair at all when I discovered that to be true. I sat on the bed just crying and feeling frustrated. Then after a while I suddenly stopped, got up and made my way to the bathroom with a renewed sense of resolve.

After washing my face, I stood staring at my reflection in the mirror maintaining a near death grip on the towel in my right hand. I slowly started to wrap the terry cloth around my right hand and held my breath as I reared my towel covered hand behind the back of my head.

"Okay… This sucks, but it's better than nothing I guess," I commented flatly to my reflection.

I hesitated a moment longer and just before I moved to punch the mirror, I heard an amused male's voice say, "I'm pretty sure this isn't the best plan that you could have come up with." I lowered my hand slowly and stared at him in the mirror, barely holding back my tears as I felt absolutely defeated. "I mean, your family has already had more than its fair share of bad luck… Do you really want to guarantee yourself seven more years?"


	10. Because I Don't Know You Anymore

"I'm pretty sure this isn't the best plan that you could have come up with."

I lowered my hand slowly and stared at the blonde male with a lean build in the reflection of the mirror, just barely holding back my tears as the feeling of absolute defeat overpowered me.

"I mean, your family has already had more than its fair share of bad luck… do you really want to guarantee yourself seven more years?"

"Fuck… I'm pretty much stuck with a lifetime of bad luck now, aren't I?" I tearfully retorted. "Why don't you just put me out of my misery so that I'm not just sitting around wondering when the hammer is finally going to drop?"

He took a step forward, but I had my chin tilted downward while I was crying and feeling sorry for myself, so I completely missed the look of sadness in his ice blue eyes.

"Addy? What's wrong darling?" He asked in a gentle concerned tone that would give someone the impression that we were lifelong friends.

When he gently touched my back, I tried to flinch away, but there was nowhere for me to go. He graciously took a step back then reached to our left and pulled out a couple of tissues from a box on the counter and handed them to me.

"Addy… What did Raphael say to you to upset you so badly?" He questioned in the same worried tone.

As I blew my nose, I turned and glared at him. "As if you don't already know."

His eyes narrowed in pensive contemplation and then he gave me a sad sympathetic smile. "Addy… Darling, I'm not here to kill you… And I don't intend on allowing Raphael to lay finger on you either."

I took in a deep breath and squared my shoulders defensively to ask in a calmer tone, "Then who are you? And why ARE you here?"

To ensure that I was comfortable, he maintained his distance while he responded with a polite bow, "My name is Balthazar. I believe that my reputation may precede me if I read your thoughts correctly just now when you heard that name."

"Balthazar? But… but I thought that you were staying away from this war…"

He continued to smile warmly and passed me a few more tissues then added, "Well I was out… Up until the moment that Raphael sent his little enforcer after me. Whether I like it or not, we all have to choose a side and… well… frankly, Raffy pissed me off so I'm putting my considerable weight behind Castiel."

I shuddered and nearly collapsed with relief, but Balthazar thankfully stepped forward to catch me by the elbows.

"How did you find me?" I asked so quietly that he barely heard me.

The angel started to lead me out of the bathroom as he explained, "There are far more angels in Heaven that owe me a favor than there are angels that are completely loyal to Raphael… So I just called in a few of those debts."

"Oh… My… Gawd…" I started to hyperventilate with excitement but managed to get my question out. "Does that mean that I get to go home?"

He threw me an amused smirk and teased, "I could take you there, but I thought you might prefer going to Bobby's… You know to be with Dean. Maureen even packed a bag for you," He held up my Poppy's duffle bag. "Cas gave her the heads up about your condition, so hopefully everything should fit."

I chewed on my bottom lip then Balthazar gently wiped away a tear that trickled down my cheek as I whispered, "No… Bobby's would be perfect."

========================================================================================

"Hey! You boys broke it, so you boys get to fix it!" We heard Bobby's voice proclaim from his study.

Dean was quick to retort, "Technically it wasn't us, it was Balthazar Bobby…" I'm sure he said more but he said it too quietly for us to hear from the other room.

I could practically hear Sam's eyes rolling in response as the angel led me through the study's door. He placed the duffle bag on the ground and draped my bomber jacket over my shoulders to block out the cold that was coming through the gigantic hole in the wall. Sam and Dean were struggling with some supplies and tools so they missed our quiet entrance into the room. Bobby was busy watching them and reading over some papers, so he didn't notice us either.

"Bobby seriously… Can't we just hire somebody to do this?" Dean continued to gripe. "Like Scott… yeah that's it. Let's call Scott!"

After hearing his voice, our baby started to kick so hard that I doubled over in pain exclaiming, "Ow! Shit!"

Balthazar took me by the arm to the couch and quietly instructed, "Here Addy, you should sit down and try to relax a spell."

Dean spun around at stared at the two of us as the angel helped me to settle. "Lay?" He exclaimed quietly as he dropped the tools in his hands as he tentatively made his way to my side.

The angel took a couple of steps back to allow the three hunters to advance on my current position, but they became frozen to their spots once their eyes landed on my stomach. I had my head resting on the back of the couch with my eyes closed as I tried to breathe through the pain while petting my stomach in long, gentle strokes, so I had yet to take in their shocked reaction. Balthazar looked over the damage that Bobby's home had endured in the completion of his last spell then waved his hand and the study's wall was instantly repaired.

Dean hurried to my side finally and found a seat to my left. I instantly opened my eyes to look at him when he placed his hand over mine that were now clinging to my stomach. He opened his mouth to speak, but I quickly placed two fingers on his lips pleading, "Shh… Let him settle first, please? 'Air Angel' seems to have gotten him going and if memory serves your voice most likely will too."

He started to rub circles on my stomach and thankfully remained silent. Sam and Bobby exchanged a few worried glances but didn't seem to be able to utter a sound. Soon enough the only noise in the room was the pitter patter of the rain that had just started falling against the newly repaired window along with our somewhat synchronized breathing.

The pain radiating from my midsection subsided so I was finally able to breath at a calmer pace. I opened my eyes, straightened up the best I could in my seat and was immediately confronted with three pairs of nearly terrified eyes.

Ignoring the looks on all of their faces, I smiled brightly, gripped one of Dean's hands tightly and jovially said, "So guys, long time no see! What'd I miss?"

Bobby was the first to recover while the other two just stared at me in a stunned silence. He walked over, kissed my head and rubbed my belly then replied, "Obviously not as much as we've missed with you there Koala Bear."

Sam then pulled over a chair for himself along with another for Bobby and Dean remained perched at my left side. Our hands remained entwined together beside our hips while Dean's free hand appeared to be super glued to my stomach. Once we were all settled in an odd shaped circle, I took in a deep breath to prepare myself for recounting the tale I knew they all wanted and deserved to hear.

"Well I guess it's kind of obvious that Dean and I are expecting," I started with a soft chuckle. When none of the men joined in my laughter, I heaved a sigh and abandoned my sarcastic tone. "Raphael healed me because… because he needs the two of us to have a second child… And no, you aren't seeing things… My best guess is that I'm about six or seven months along now."

"But how?" Sam questioned quietly. "I mean you disappeared less than a week ago."

"Well… Raphael did something with his… her…" I paused there and shook my head while still trying to wrap my head around the gender switch for our now least favorite Arc Angel. "His… its grace to speed up the time line. Balthazar said that even though it caused the baby to grow more rapidly, it hasn't hurt the baby in any way… he's healthy… And before any of you ask… Yes, I know why… I know why Raphael is so desperate for us to have a second child…" I paused and bit my lip after I heard my voice start to break.

"It's okay Beautiful, just take your time," Bobby gently instructed as he passed me a glass of water.

"Thanks Bobby." I took a long drink and willed myself to keep calm. "Okay… So apparently you two (I squeezed Dean's hand and nodded towards Sam) are off the hook and don't have to fight in any apocalyptic battles… Michael and Lucifer have new vessels now."

I paused so we all could catch our breath and let what I just told them sink in because if my inital reaction to that news was any indication they would need a moment to wrap their heads around it too.

"Who are the new vessels?" Sam asked in a beautifully innocent tone.

I was finding it hard to keep my emotions in check, so I just went back to chewing on my bottom lip while I tried to muster up the courage to reply. As I opened my mouth to speak, my words turned into a tearful shudder.

Dean's eyes remained focused on my face as he softly questioned, "Toby? It's Toby right?"

I stared off into the distance and nodded as I let my tears finally fall and replied, "The only reason that they rescued me from Hell was so that I would have another child." I turned my gaze back to Dean and continued as if we were the only ones in the room, "That's why he sent me to you so that we could have those marathon sex visits… We both thought that they were just a dream… But it was real Dean, every single 'visit' we had before you found out I was… was… back."

Dean's cheeks rouged at that comment and he stuttered, "It was all real? Us… together? Here? In the Impala? In Ashland?"

I caressed his cheek, nodded and said, "Yeah… Apparently it took a bit longer than Raphael had originally thought it would." When I finished I picked up his left hand and kissed his fingers while we just stared into each other's eyes.

"Well we better work on finding a way to hide you two from Raphael and his cronies," Bobby commented as he patted my shoulder in an effort to have Dean and I shift our focus from one another.

I reluctantly looked away from Dean's eyes and caught the supportive smile on Sam's face. "What? Sorry… What did you say Bobby?"

He chuckled as he moved towards his desk and reiterated, "I should have everything we need so that we can make up a couple of hex bags or something for you and the baby."

As he started to pull books off the shelves, I finally registered everything Bobby had said and somewhat sheepishly reported, "Oh… Umm Bobby? You really don't have to worry about that… Uhh Balthazar took care of all that already… Apparently Castiel started a trend with the whole rib etching thing." As I explained the situation I waved my free hand over my chest.

Dean placed a hand on either side of my stomach and I could see the fear reappear in his eyes, so I added, "He did a little magic to hide our baby too." I smirked then attempted to joke saying, "I bet if we shined a black light on my belly that we would see something pretty cool."

Sam tried his best not to laugh, but when he took in a shallow breath, a sputtered laugh snuck out. Dean's head shot around to glare at Sam. Bobby just shook his head with the same exasperated look I had grown accustomed to seeing when he knew that I was intentionally deflecting attention away from myself or trying to joke myself out of a tense situation.

"Thank you ever so much Sam. Geez, I know the jokes are kind of lame, but I'm growing a new life here guys… You really have got to cut a girl some slack."

Bobby groaned then replied, "And on that note… Did that bastard angel at least make sure to feed you Koala Bear?"

The topic of my abduction sobered me up and I meekly responded, "Yes sir, he did… It was mostly just boiled vegetables, tofu and vitamins, but it was food… sort of…"

Bobby snickered softly then asked, "Well why don't I make you a real meal to welcome you home then? Is the little one causing aversions to any foods at all?"

"No sir… None that I know of at least, but… Umm… With Toby and… and… with Toby… and Victoria I couldn't go near pork and beef was a bit touch and go most of the time."

With a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder, Bobby ensured, "Then I'll just stick to chicken and vegetables to be on the safe side." He then turned and almost barked at Dean, "And you can go, drive into town, buy and eat a cheeseburger there if that ain't to your liking son."

I chuckled out a 'Thank You' while Dean mumbled an injured, "But I didn't even say anything."

I leaned over as far as I could then pulled him forward by his shirt the rest of the way so that I could kiss his lips. "We still love you even though you were thinking it."

Dean shifted slightly on the couch so that I was seated more upright (and more comfortably). Then he kissed my cheek and neck saying, "Well that's encouraging to hear."

Sam quickly jumped out of his chair and rushed into the kitchen nearly shouting, "Hey Bobby! What can I do to help you?"

After sharing a few more soft kisses, Dean backed off when the baby started kicking wildly. He then leaned down and kissed my belly saying into it, "Sorry baby, I didn't mean to ignore you. Daddy loves you too."

Miraculously the act of Dean speaking to our unborn child actually calmed the kicking down instead of turning our child into a mini Rockette like it had in the past.

"So… You know? We're having a boy?" Dean asked once he too was settled in his spot beside me and started rubbing soft circles on my belly.

"No, I don't… Sorry… Umm… Balthazar knows but I asked him not to tell me… I guess the whole 'he' thing is just a habit now… I'm so sorry."

Dean combed his fingers through my hair, kissed the tip of my nose and rested his forehead against mine then said, "No apologies are needed. You're both here… that's all that matters to me."

After dinner Dean was quick to usher me upstairs to the room he had claimed as his own. He was being so loving and attentive that I didn't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't feeling the least bit tired because I had basically been sleeping the entire time I was away with Raphael. As soon as he closed the door to the room, it dawned on me that I would be able to have Dean all to myself within these four walls, so I didn't offer anything close to an objection.

Once we were settled as comfortably as we could be on the bed, Dean draped his left arm over my side. When I didn't move, he pulled himself so that his chest was pressed firmly against my back.

"Lay, sorry if this is a little uncomfortable, but I just missed you so damn much."

I laced the fingers of my right hand with his left and pulled him closer to me replying, "Nope, this isn't uncomfortable at all… This is just perfect Dean."

We laid at that oddish angle until Dean started to lose feeling in his arm. He shifted silently without me noticing until I started to feel a cool draft on my back.

I tried to roll over, but I couldn't manage that movement very easily as I softly called out in a hushed whisper, "Dean? Dean? Are you asleep?"

I felt the bed shaking before I could hear his laughter, then I felt his body heat close to my back again. Before uttering another word, Dean started to tug on my left shoulder and helped me so that I was able to lay on my back to face him.

"Okay, so you're not asleep. What's going on Dean? Oomph… Fuck… Shit… Fuck… Ow…"

"Shit, Lay are you okay? Sorry, is this a bad position for you to be in?"

I gently grabbed his left hand and started to trace circles on my stomach with both of our hands as I continued to curse under my breath. After I few deep breaths, I opened my eyes and shook my head.

"No, the position is just fine… I don't know if it's because he's been aged by an angel's grace or what, but this little one seems to react pretty animatedly to my feelings… the kicking seems to get worse when I'm wigging out about something…"

Dean placed his ear over my heart and in a mock clinical tone stated, "Yep, your heart most definitely is racing. That must be the cause of him starting up again with the vigorous kicking."

I playfully slapped the back of his head countering, "Well maybe if the little one's Father was less of an ass and told his Mum what the hell was going on then she would have no reason to worry."

Dean sat back and threw me a self-satisfied grin innocently stating, "Is it MY fault that your suspicious nature has completely ruined the element of surprise I was banking on?"

I pushed myself off the bed into a half seated position so I could see him better excitedly saying, "Surprise? You have a surprise for me? No… We're calm! I swear! What is it? Please Dean? We're good…"

He pecked my lips and managed to somehow suppress his undeniable urge to laugh as he produced a small black box. I started to take it out of his grasp, but stopped suddenly and waited for him to continue.

"Lay… I found this and I just knew that you had to have it," he explained as he slowly opened the lid to the box.

When its contents were revealed, I gasped then tearfully asked, "Dean… No… You didn't? No… Did you…?"

He nodded gently and kissed my lips as I plucked a ring with a complimentary ivy motif as the one I had left for him with barbed wire in case of my death.

"I love you Lay and I don't need any type of ceremony or paperwork to pledge myself to you," he whispered into my ear as he pulled me into a tight embrace.

 _We should have known… You two were each marked as one half of the whole_ Raphael's angry and taunting voice rang out in the back of my mind.

I let him ease the ring onto my left ring finger as I hoarsely reciprocated, "I don't need any either Dean. I love you so much and I just want to be with you and only you. You know that right?"

He kissed me more deeply and once he knew that he had taken my breath away, he said, "I think that somewhere deep down inside, I've always known that… Now… Mamma Bear, you need to get your rest, alright?"

I relaxed back onto the pillow and pulled Dean with me so that we were face to face on our sides. "Thank you Dean. This is just too much… It's so beyond perfect… it's more than I could have ever wished for."

Dean drifted off to sleep once I closed my eyes and pretended that I was going to try to fall asleep. As I watched him, I resisted the urge to pet his face, but I still ghosted my palm over his cheek a couple of times. Thankfully after a while, he rolled over to face the other wall which effectively eliminated all temptation to touch him. I managed to roll onto my back and started playing with the ring that Dean had just given me when suddenly a horrifying realization hit me.

 _Toby!_ I exclaimed in my mind. _Shit! We should have called him by now!_

I completely ignored the time and the fact that Toby should be in bed while I swiped Dean's phone out of his jacket pocket. I made my way downstairs as quietly as I possibly could so I wouldn't disturb anyone else in the house so that I could give our son the good news. After I snuck out the kitchen door, I quickly dialed Toby's number. On my way out I reasoned with myself that even if Toby didn't answer, I could at the very least leave him a message and then we could catch up on everything later in the day.

" _Dad?"_ His groggy, sleep deprived voice replied. _"Is everything okay?"_

"Everything's great Buddy," I replied softly. "But this isn't Dad…"

" _MUM!"_ He cut in excitedly. _"Where are you? When did you get back? How did you get back? Did Raphael hurt you? Why did he take you? Is he going to come after you again?"_

"Okay I think I caught all of those," I lovingly teased. "Here goes: Bobby's. Just a few hours ago. A friend. No. We'll talk about that later. Not if he doesn't want to royally piss Cas off."

I heard him huff and knew right away that he was annoyed with me for not answering the 'why' question at this point in time, so I tried my best to reassure him. "Buddy it's really late… I shouldn't have woken you up because it's a really long story. But I'll tell you all about it… at a more appropriate hour. Okay? Please trust me."

" _Okay Mum… I guess the only important part is that *yawn* you're back. You should *yawn* try to rest too. *yawn* I love you."_

"I love you more than you know Buddy. Again I'm sorry I woke you, but we'll talk about it all later, okay?"

When he replied "Okay" it sounded like he had almost fall back asleep, so I laughed quietly and tucked Dean's phone away in my robe's pocket. I still wasn't feeling tired, so I found a seat, somewhat awkwardly, on a chair and just started staring up at the stars lost in my own thoughts.

"You can make him understand." A firm Reassuring voice stated almost flatly.

I was nervously twisting my new ring around my finger and quietly replied, "I'm not so sure Castiel. He can be a stubborn one, especially when he doesn't like the idea or when it's not his plan."

The angel gripped my shoulder and repeated a bit more forcefully (but still maintaining a comforting tone), "You can make him understand."

I placed my hand over his as I replied through the lump that was forming in my throat, "Thanks for the reassurance Cas. I pray you're right."


	11. I Don't Recognize This Place

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT? THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!"

"DO YOU HEAR ME LAUGHING? I'M SORRY… DID I STUTTER?"

Sam started to put the two bags that he was carrying down in the hallway, but was immediately stopped by Bobby. As he balanced the full paperbag that he was carrying on his hip, the older hunter gently pulled Sam's arm back towards the front door.

"Just let them be son. I have an ice chest out in the back yard that we can put the meat into for the time being so that it won't spoil."

Sam hesitantly followed Bobby's lead but he couldn't resist one more worried glance in the direction of the kitchen as he protested saying, "But Bobby… Addy being that upset… It… it can't be good for the baby."

"You're probably right, but us interfering ain't gonna help much either," Bobby commented sternly.

As he loaded a variety of cuts of poultry into an ancient looking cooler, Bobby added, "Why do you think I asked you to come with me to the store?"

Sam sat down and popped the top off the beer he had retrieved from another cooler asking, "So you know what that's all about?" He motioned back towards the house with his bottle at the end of his question.

Bobby took a long drink of his beer, nodded then sat down with Sam to fill the younger hunter in on the situation that was unfolding inside along with everything I had told him about why I had to do this right now.

"DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF? OR IS YOUR HEAD TOO FAR UP YOUR ASS FOR YOUR WORDS TO HIT YOUR EARS?" I shouted throwing my hands up with exasperation.

"MY HEAD'S UP MY ASS? WHAT ABOUT YOU?" Dean yelled back, slamming his beer bottle onto the counter. He completely ignored the white foam that bubbled out of the opening and down the neck of the bottle and onto his hand. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO RUN AWAY AGAIN!"

"AGAIN? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?"

"JUST LIKE IT SOUNDS PRINCESS! THINGS GET ROUGH, SO YOU RUN! OHHH YOU PROFESS THAT YOU LOVE ME, THAT YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME, BUT WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY DO? YOU TAKE OFF! THAT'S WHAT!"

"TAKE OFF? TAKE OFF? OTHER THAN ME GOING TO THE CONVENT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH TOBY… WHEN YOU WEREN'T EVEN FUCKING AROUND MIND YOU! NAME ONE TIME! JUST ONE TIME HOT SHOT! WHEN DID I 'RUN AWAY' FROM YOU?"

"HMM LET ME THINK," he replied as he stood with an exaggerated look of someone trying to evoke a memory. "OH WELL YOU BAILED OUT WITH DEATH… UMM WHEN WE WE'RE GOING AFTER LUCIFER YOU RAN HOME AND… OH RECENTLY YOU SOLD YOUR FUCKING SOUL AND WENT TO HELL! HOW IS THAT FOR AN EXAMPLE?" He hollered at the top of his lungs finally drying the spilt beer off his hand.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" I repeated a few times with my hands on my head as I sat down at the table. My head then shot up as let out my own angry retort through an ear-splitting scream. "ARE YOU SERIOUS? FIRST I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ENTERTAIN THAT DIG ABOUT DEATH! AND SECOND I **HAD** TO GO HOME AND HELP BILL BECAUSE MO WAS DYING! **DYING** DEAN! FUCK! ARE YOU REALLY THAT SELFISH? AND! AND! DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING POINT ANY FINGERS ABOUT SELLING A SOUL! JUST LIKE YOU, I DID WHAT I THOUGHT I HAD TO DO FOR MY FAMILY! YOU KNOW, OUR SON? REMEMBER HIM?"

"WHICH MEANT YOU LEAVING ME BEHIND! AND TOBY TOO! HOW WAS THAT FUCKING HELPFUL?" He screamed as he paced in front of the refrigerator.

"YOU WEREN'T EVEN AROUND!" I shot back with a bitter bite before he could continue any further. " **YOU** HAD ALREADY LEFT HOME! REMEMBER? SAM CAME CALLING, SO YOU WENT RUNNING AND LEFT ME A NOTE! A FUCKING NOTE! AT LEAST I HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO TELL YOU TO YOUR FACE! **AND** I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN IT ALL TO YOU!"

"HEY! YOU TOLD ME TO GO! YOU SAID YOU **WANTED** ME TO HUNT! SO SORRY PRINCESS BUT THAT'S WAY DIFFERENT THAN YOU WANTING TO TAKE OFF WHENEVER IT PLEASES YOU!"

"PLEASES ME?" I had started to hyperventilate, but Dean didn't make any moves to comfort me, not that I would have accepted it if he had. "YOU THINK THIS IS EASY FOR ME? THAT I WANT TO BE AWAY FROM YOU? FROM TOBY? YOU THINK THAT I **LIKE** HAVING TO MAKE THIS CHOICE?"

"If the shoe fits," he retorted just loud enough that he was assured that I would hear it.

"SERIOUSLY? YOU THINK THAT THIS MAKES ME HAPPY? YEAH I'M DOING FUCKING BACKFLIPS OF EXCITEMENT HERE!" By this time I was on my feet gripping my belly tightly. "HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK THAT ABOUT ME? YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL IF YOU THINK THAT THAT'S EVEN REMOTELY TRUE!" I took the ring he had given me off and threw it at him with violent force. "SO YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FUCKING RING BACK! BECAUSE YOU CAN'T LOVE ME IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

I was already out the door and missed seeing the metal band bounce off his neck as he tried to duck my throw. I struggled slightly to make it down the back stairs without stumbling down them. I was however able to continue past Sam and Bobby while ignoring them with ease as tears of frustration started to stream down my cheeks.

Bobby quickly jumped to his feet and blocked Sam's path so that he couldn't follow me saying, "We better get these groceries put away in the fridge now son." Sam scowled and huffed but before he could object, Bobby softly said, "We should give her some time to cool off Sam, she probably more than needs it… Plus, do you really want to be on the receiving end of a pissed off and pregnant Addy?"

Sam shook his head, chuckled and took the bag that Bobby was handing him without saying another word. When they got into the kitchen, they found Dean on his hands and knees reaching under the stove to retrieve something.

"Lose something?" Bobby asked as Sam passed him the food that needed to be refrigerated.

Dean stood, brushed his knees off and slipped the ring he'd finally retrieved into his pocket mumbling, "No… Found it, but thanks."

After closing the fridge door and handing Sam a fresh beer, Bobby pointed to the left side of his neck solemnly stating, "You're… Umm… You've got some blood on your neck there."

Dean's hand shot up to wipe away the blood and the small nick from the impact of the ring on his flesh was revealed. Sam silently passed Dean a Kleenex then the three hunters went back to drinking their beers as an awkward silence filled the room. When his bottle was on the table top, Sam avoided making eye contact with his brother by picking at the label on his bottle. Bobby looked between the two of them, waiting for one of them to break the silence. Dean was at the sink washing the blood off his hands, seemingly ignoring the other two completely.

"So you guys heard us, huh?" Dean asked with a soft shameful tone before turning around.

Sam finally looked up and felt his heart sink when he saw that Dean was gently and lovingly cleaning off Addy's wedding band with a damp cloth. He wanted to shout at Dean for his apparent insensitivity, but he also knew that Bobby was right: This wasn't his or Bobby's battle to fight. This was a very personal issue that Dean and Addy had to figure out. IF either of them reached out, that's when Bobby and Sam should step in but not a minute sooner.

"Dean, I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but she does have a point," Bobby calmly replied.

Dean sat down at the kitchen table with the other two men, rubbing his temples vigorously. Before he responded to Bobby's statement he started playing with Addy's ring, twirling it on the table top.

"I know… I know… But just because I understand that doesn't mean I have to like it."

========================  
                  CHANGE OF POV  
========================

I weaved my way through the maze of rusted and neglected cars as I tried to calm myself down so that I could collect my thoughts. Anytime I stopped to lean against a car and catch my breath, our unborn child's movements became nearly unbearable. It seemed that walking helped to ease the pain, so I just tried to keep moving as much as possible.

After a while, I started to make my way back to the house, but once it came into view, I could feel the baby kicking with a renewed vigor. Then I felt my heart starting to race and I realized I hadn't fully gotten over my feelings of rage, sadness and disappointment.

"Shh… Shh… I know, it's too soon, I know," I said soothingly as I veered down another car-lined aisle. When I got to the table covered in carburetors and car parts under an aluminum shelter that acted as Bobby's makeshift garage whenever he or Dean were working on a car, I finally sat down to rest.

After I was seated, I picked up a bottle cap and started spinning it across the table top. As I watched it my thoughts finally focused on the most important issue: Fixing this fucked up situation with Dean. I need to find a way to get Dean to understand that this decision was about everyone's future, not our own… Not just my own. The fight we just had was going to be a strain on our relationship, but it shouldn't be the one event that defined it. The longer that I sat there, the worse I started to feel because I still wasn't able to find the words to get him to understand why I felt like my proposition to him was the best course of action without my reasoning turning into another unbearable screaming match.

When I looked down at my left hand, I stroked my naked finger forlornly and I was almost overpowered by the urge to vomit. I folded my arms over the table to pillow my head because I felt like I was going to burst into tears again. I nuzzled my face into my elbow but the tears I was certain were going to fall didn't make an appearance for some reason.

The next thing I knew, I felt a tentative hand touching my upper back, tenderly shaking me awake. I sat up and shifted my shoulder blades stiffly until they each popped. The hand that woke me then gently grabbed my left shoulder and was quickly joined by a second hand on my right. I continued to try to get my back to crack while they massaged some of the knots that had formed in my back.

"Not the best position to sleep in, huh?"

I gripped the back of my neck and my hand was immediately replaced by one of his as he took over the task of massaging those tired, achy muscles.

"Nope," I finally replied feeling very annoyed with myself. "But then again, when you're this huge not many positions are."

He placed his hands on my lower back to graciously help me to sit up straight. Every part of my body throbbed slightly, but I tried my best to hide the fact that I was wincing whenever I moved. When I opened my eyes, my companion had produced a granola bar along with a bottle of water and placed them in front of me on the table.

"Bobby said that he would make dinner once the air was cleared about… You know… But I figured you'd be hungry."

I downed half of the bottle of water in a couple of gulps, but left the wrapped bar unopened on the table. "Thanks Sam, but I can't really handle solid foods right now… Is he…? Umm… Did he…?"

"He's still at the house and he's calmed down too… a lot. I think he might even be ready to talk about… you know again."

Sam helped me to my feet and walked closely beside me as we made our way back to the house. Bobby was waiting for us at the bottom of the front stairs, so Sam leaned down and hugged me whispering, "Good luck Addy. I'll kick his ass for you if he gets out of line again."

I kissed his cheek then replied, "Thanks. I might just have to call on that favor in the not so distant future."

He then gently nudged me towards the house where Bobby briefly stopped me as well. He put both hands on each side of my belly then held my face in his right hand saying, "Sam and I are heading into town to follow up on some leads and to give you two some privacy… So take your time but no shouting this time. If he don't see the light this time 'round then Sam and I will make him understand, even if we have to beat it into him, alright?"

I pressed him hand against my cheek as I softly answered, "Yes sir, I'll try to behave myself this time. I know I have to get him to understand, I just have to… I can't do this unless I'm able to get him to understand why this is the best way."

Bobby gave me an anguished look then held my face in both of his hands. I knew that our situation had truly troubled him because Bobby didn't have any other supportive words to offer. When he was feeling like this any words that he could muster always got caught in his throat and went unstated. In light of that, he just kissed my forehead and wished me luck before hurrying to the driver's seat and leaving with Sam en route to town.

I struggled slightly up the stairs then waved at the moving car until they turned the corner and disappeared from view. While I had a moment alone, I rested my elbows on the wood railing of the porch and took in a few deep breaths with my eyes closed. The scent of the rain from the night before still lingered in the air, giving the impression that renewed growth was imminent… And with new growth came the promise of a fresh start… Or so I hoped.

"How did your discussion with Dean conclude Addy?"

I let out a sorrow filled, quiet laugh while still facing Bobby's front yard as I reflected on how to answer that question. Then I straightened up and turned to face the angel with my lower back resting against the bannister.

"Not as well as you thought it would," I responded apologetically. "I still haven't mastered the whole 'slow to anger' trait yet."

I shrunk back against the railing with my arms crossed tightly over my stomach continuing, "I wish I could just blame it on the hormones, but it's me… He didn't want to listen, I got frustrated and then we started fighting and then everything just fell apart from there…"

Castiel looked down at my left hand and furrowed his brows as he took it into his hand. "Your words were said with passion… Although I'm not certain the root sentiment was the one that you had meant to convey to him."

I slowly pulled my hand away and tucked it under my right arm pit. "Well… Yeah… But I think that that might just be a bit of an understatement."

The angel looked into Bobby's house and then back at me with an almost sad look overtaking his facial expressions. Out of nowhere, my right hand moved as if of its own accord then clamped down onto Castiel's arm causing his expression to shift to one of pure confusion.

"Come with me Cas! You don't have to say anything, but I'm certain that you can keep me in check… You know just in case I stray off topic," I proposed with quiet desperation.

He carefully unlatched my deathlike grip from his forearm and placed it gently at my side explaining, "No angel may now enter this house as a precaution for your safety. I'm sorry, but you will have to face Dean on your own. But Adelaide… You CAN make him understand."

Before I could make any attempts to try to convince him to stay, Castiel disappeared, leaving me completely alone on the porch again. I stared at the front door, not really sure that I was ready to make my way through it.

 _Maybe I'll just stay out here and give it a little bit longer,_ I told myself as I started to chicken out of confronting Dean. After the thought was completed, I felt one sharp, deliberate kick and chuckled replying out loud, "Fine… Fine, I won't wuss out…"

I moved towards the door slowly and entered the house as quietly as I possibly could. After closing the door without making a sound, I stood in the threshold of Bobby's home, trying to listen for any movements from Dean. As I stood there, I could hear him walking around on the linoleum of the kitchen floor, opening then closing a few cupboard doors. Even though I could hear and somewhat track his movements, I couldn't quite tell what he was doing in the other room.

A couple of floorboards creaked under my (considerable) weight as I tiptoed towards the kitchen, but I froze each time hoping that I hadn't alerted Dean to my presence. At the kitchen door it was obvious that he hadn't heard me, so I just stood and watched Dean without saying a word. He was at the stove with his back to me, fussing with something that I couldn't make out from my current position.

When he turned around, Dean jumped slightly with surprise. I could now see that he was holding a tea pot in his hands and reasoned that he had been pouring the hot water into the pot when I first arrived. He carefully placed it on the table as I nearly whispered, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Dean smile despite of himself and replied, "I wasn't scared. I just thought that I was alone in the house so I was a bit startled is all."

I answered with a half-smile because I was unsure if he was trying to make a joke or not right now. If he wasn't and I did laugh, then we would be right back to where we had left off when I angrily stormed of hours earlier. I didn't want to return to that place because I knew that we had an important topic that shouldn't be avoided, so I desperately needed us to stay on track, no matter what.

"I made tea if you wanted some. It's caffeine free," he announced as he picked up a mug off of the table and tilted it towards me as part of the invitation.

I took a couple of tentative steps forward whispering, "Thanks that would be really nice."

He nodded and poured a mug full for me then placed it at a spot on the table at the far side from where he was standing. As I pulled the mug closer to me, I sat down on a chair at the same time. Dean abruptly turned and walked the tea pot back to the stove while I watched him in complete silence, sipping my tea carefully.

At the stove he turned to look in my general direction, but I immediately noticed that he wasn't actually looking at me. I started to follow his gaze while I had the mug lifted to my lips and nearly dropped it when my eyes landed on the object that held Dean's undivided attention.

"It's there for you to take if you want it back," Dean stated with a relatively neutral tone as he leaned on the oven and held onto the door's handle behind his back.

I placed the mug on the table and pick up the ring with my right hand. I flipped it onto my right index finger as I took a moment to double check that I could speak without letting my emotions get the best of me.

"Dean… I know that I was almost irrationally angry before, but the sentiment still holds true," I forced my eyes away from the wedding band to Dean's face to try to get him to understand. "If you truly do believe any of that… well then we have some serious issues that we really need to discuss if we really want this relationship to survive."

Dean bowed his head as he shook it answering, "No… Just like you, I just know what buttons to push to get you going… Lay… Of course I know that you needed to go home to help Bill… and I know that you let me go and be with Sam because it was what was best for me…" He raised his head and finished just as calmly, "But all that said, being away from you still just doesn't fell right sometimes."

I still had the band between my thumb and forefinger and continued flipping it back and forth saying, "Yeah, I know what you mean… I guess… I mean I'm sure that… Umm… I guess that the longer you and I are apart then the more intense our need to be together becomes."

"Well they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder," he reasoned with the barest hint of humor.

"Yeah… But I think that in our case that might be putting it mildly"

I was watching the band as I continued to flip it between my thumb and forefinger, so I missed Dean's movement. He sat on the direct opposite side of the table and gently placed his hand over my own to stop me from any further fidgeting.

"Tell me again how you know that your plan will work… I mean how can you be so sure Lay?" He asked with soft concern.

I placed the ring back on the table and placed both of our hands over top of it and slowly explained, "Raphael… When Raphael did the whole mojo thing on the baby… She was pretty weak from using her grace, so I took advantage of that every opportunity that I got to grill her."

He pulled the ring a bit closer to himself and twirled it on the table with his index finger asking, "Okay… Yeah I think I get that… But what did he say that convinced you beyond a reasonable doubt that this will actually work?"

I took his hand in mine and weaved our fingers together then looked up at his sorrow filled eyes.

"According to her, no one knew about Toby until these past couple of years. Since I made sure that Mo and Bill had put their names on the Birth Certificate, no one… no one living beyond them and myself knew that you or I had had a child. If I could have just kept my distance from them… then maybe I could have just kept it all to myself and then none of them would have ever found out the truth."

Dean untangled his fingers from mine and then he started stroke the back of my hand as it laid on the table top.

"And you think it could work a second time around?" He then pointedly looked at my belly and added, "I mean isn't the cat kind of out of the bag this time?"

"Yeah… You're right, it is… but I'm still sure that this is the best thing that I can come up with," I answered quietly as I felt my calm resolve start to break. "But this time… I… We… we wouldn't be doing it all on our own… Dean we have angels that are willing to help us."

"True," he conceded with a thoughtful pout on his face.

After a few minutes of silence, Dean picked up my ring then held my left and in his empty hand. As he slid it back onto his proper resting place, he asked, "So when…? Where…? And how long will I have to be apart from you this time?"

"Well… I still have a few details that I need to work out, but I can't Dean… I can't tell you where… You understand why I can't, right?" I took his left hand in both of mine and I stroked his fingers with my thumb.

He nodded and whispered, "Yeah, I do."

"And with the way this little one moves, I'm guessing we'll be apart a month… Maybe two, tops."

"Fuck… Lay a week would be too long."

I got up, walked around the table and kissed his lips softly before saying, "I know, for me too."

He then pulled me onto his lap despite me softly protesting, "Dean… No… I'm gigantic… I'll be too heavy for you."

After I was seated on his lap, Dean stroked my belly adoringly replying, "You're not gigantic. You are still so beautiful."

I rested my head against his and allowed him to hold me close. Our breathing soon became completely synched and I felt my body, my whole self relax against him more and more as Dean continued to pet my stomach. I only opened my eyes when I felt Dean's free hand start to reach into the rear right pocket of my jeans.

As I raised my head slightly off of his shoulder I slurred a confused, "Dean?"

He held up my cell phone and replied, "We should call Bobby so that we can finally get a proper meal into you… I could feel your stomach growling even if you and I couldn't hear it."

I smiled self-consciously then he leaned up and kissed me. When he sat back, I couldn't help but catch the look of sad remorse that filled his eyes as he looked at me.

Before he could attempt to speak again, I pulled his lips to mine in a deeper, lingering kiss. When I finally relented, I said, "I know… I know… I mean, I understand how you feel… And Dean? I'm sorry too."


	12. The Picture Frames Have Changed

I had my whole body stretched as far as I could while standing on my tip toes when I felt him step up close behind me. Dean easily grabbed the book I was struggling to reach then gently helped me back to my feet so I wouldn't lose my balance.

"I told you to wait for me," he softly stated into my ear through my hair.

I turned around and picked up the pile of book I had accumulated on Bobby's desk then I walked over to the couch to make myself comfortable to start our research. Once I was seated I replied, "Dean I can still get books off the shelf… I'm just pregnant which doesn't make me a complete invalid, you know."

Dean was now seated beside me and he lifted up my legs so he could sit even closer to me and draped them across his lap. "I know, but after everything that's happened today, you should be taking it easy."

Our eyes met as he rubbed my belly and I swallowed any other protests that threatened to spill out of my mouth. After our heated screaming match, Dean and I had said our apologies and I was finally able to convince him that everything that I had proposed wasn't a decision based on want, but one based on need. We sat for over an hour in the kitchen sipping tea (well mine was actual tea of the dried leaf variety, Dean's was 'tea' of the frothy, hops variety) and went over everything in a much calmer and rational manner.

While was sat on the couch, Dean read through his books with his right hand continuing to make lazy circles on my stomach. The baby was completely settled, which allowed us to remain relaxed as well. After flipping through two ancient looking volumes, I finally stole a lingering glance at my male companion. His face was scrunched in a tight scowl that had become a familiar sight to me when we were younger and were left behind to focus on research whenever our parents went out on the road. I didn't want to disturb him, but I was having troubles concentrating, so I let my thoughts wander without breaking the illusion that I was focused solely on the text in my hands.

_**Once my mug was empty again, Dean unlatched his left hand from mine to get up and refill it at the stove. I watched his movements intentionally trying to determine if his body language matched everything that he had been saying to me at the table. My upbringing was forever in the back of my mind and I couldn't turn it off even when I was with a loved one, so I decided not to fight my instincts and started to study him more intently.** _

_**I could see the tension in Dean's upper back as he moved in the room and a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I had finally figured out (or thought that I had finally figured out) why he had gotten so upset the instant I told him that we couldn't keep our child and raise him or her together this time. I almost blurted out another apology, but I waited until he was back at his spot at the table across from me. Dean set down the mug with an easy smile on his face that didn't waiver as I claimed the mug. When I took his left hand in mine and kissed the back of it softly, I could see the concern that filled his eyes, so I smiled brightly in the hopes that I could dismiss some of his worry.** _

" _ **Dean… You know… you know that if circumstances were different..." I started in as loving of a tone that I could while feeling like I was about to cry at any moment. "I mean if we didn't have an Arc Angel that wanted us dead… If we could… Then I would… I would want nothing more than to raise our child together… You know that right?"**_

_**He smiled softly and nodded, quietly saying, "Of course."** _

_**I squeezed his hand a little too tightly then continued, "I'm serious Dean. Last time… I know… I know that I seemed kind of uneasy about being all domestic and all… But I was trying, really hard and… and… I really was happy leaving hunting behind to start a family with you. Granted, it was a huge change, but I was with you and Toby so it felt right. I really wanted that… You know that, right? Right?"** _

_**His smile never faltered as he placed a finger to my lips then replied, "I know… I really do… But it is nice to hear it none the less."** _

_**I nodded then said in a soft, almost cheerful tone, "Alright, as long as that's clear."** _

" _ **Crystal," he affirmed with a chuckle. "So your arrangements… Is there anything that I can do to help you with them? Or anything I can do to make it easier for you?"**_

" _ **I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow… I'd… Umm… It would be great if you could come with me," I offered as I stroked his hand. He whispered "Of course" then I soldiered through the rest of my reply. "But as for everything else… I'm so sorry Dean, but if I let you help me with them then the whole my location being a secret will be out the window."**_

_**Dean squeezed my hand as his eyebrows scrunched closer together, so I jumped in light-heartedly asking, "So this 'Mother of All' pain in our ass… I know that Bobby and Sam are following up on a few things in town… Do you think that Bobby would have anything here that we could look her up in to get a start while they're away?"** _

_**Dean shook his head smiling then got up to his feet and moved to my side of the table. He kissed my lips softly, helped me to my feet and then finally replied, "He mentioned that he has a few books in his library that we might want to have a look at."** _

_**As we stepped into the study, I abruptly stopped Dean, held his face in both of my hands then kissed him deeply.** _

" _ **Mmm… It's only been a week, but I still really miss beer."**_

"Lay? You've been staring at that book pretty intensely… does that mean that you found something?" Dean asked shaking my knee softly to get my attention. "Or is there something else on your mind?"

I carefully closed my book and placed it on the floor with the other texts saying, "Nope… Nothing helpful in there… It's definitely something else that's running around in this brain of mine."

"Anything you can share?" He asked tentatively with a definite hitch in his voice.

His tone sounded so unsure that it was almost small and hearing that made me want to cry. I felt somewhat guilty that I had to keep so much from him to ensure all of our safety, but we both knew, deep down, that it was all for the best. When he asked his question, Dean didn't look at me, but after I disengaged his hold on my belly to kiss his hand, he did turn his saddened eyes towards me.

Once he was looking me in the eye again, I answered, "Most definitely something that I can share. In fact, I think that you're one of the best people to answer my question."

Dean drawled out a long "Okay" while slipping his hand out of my grasp to place it back on my stomach. I knew that he was trying to gauge my level of anxiety by checking on the baby's movement and I did nothing to stop him because I knew that would be more reassuring than anything that I could say to him to try to convince him that I was feeling alright. Dean's face finally softened when he had some confirmation that I wasn't hiding the fact that I might have any feelings of apprehension because this question wasn't one that caused me any feelings of unease.

"So… When Balthazar and I first got back here… Uhh… There was a pretty huge hole in the wall…Umm… What the hell did you guys do? I mean if you don't mind me asking and all."

Dean chuckled then explained, "WE technically didn't DO anything… Balthazar did… at the end of his spell to protect us."

"To protect you? What the hell kind of a spell did he use on you guys because the one he performed for the baby sure as shit didn't put any holes in the wall back at the B and B," I questioned sounding mildly shocked.

"Different kind of spell Lay," Dean replied as he gently tapped my stomach. "He… Uhh… He threw us somewhere so that Virgil couldn't get to us."

"He 'threw' you somewhere? Okay that is definitely going to require a much more thorough explanation," I stated as I took his book out of his hands and carefully placed it, still open, with the rest on the floor beside me.

"Umm… Well there was that whole debacle with Balthazar hiding the weapons of Heaven and so on… So… Balthazar sent us somewhere to keep us hidden from Raphael until he and Cas got that all figured out," he answered somewhat evasively.

"All… Right…" I nudged his legs with my foot trying to persuade him to elaborate. "And that somewhere would be…? Come on Dean… Please… Tell me?"

Dean stared at his hands as he laughed to himself. "Umm… That somewhere would be… Uhh… It would be an alternate universe? Yeah… I guess you would call it that… But seriously Lay, it was pretty messed up there."

"Hmm… Well I'm beyond tired and reading is starting to hurt my eyes, so I think a break for story time is in order," I playfully instructed.

To make myself more comfortable, I scooted down on the couch to lie down because Dean had already stood up to retrieve a couple of pillows for me. As he gently lifted my head to place the pillows under it, he quietly asked, "Did you want me to get you a blanket too?"

"If you wouldn't mind," I implored softly as I rolled onto my side to get even more comfortably.

Dean quickly left the room to retrieve a blanket then covered me and kissed my head. After he was done, I could sense that he was going to leave the room, so I gently grabbed his arm and tugged him back towards the couch.

He kneeled down and kissed my forehead softly saying, "I thought that you were sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you."

Shaking my head, I replied, "Nope. My eyes just needed a bit of a rest. Now sit and tell me all about this messed up universe you were hidden in."

"Well that's the first fucked up part… I… I wasn't me and Sam… Well he… he wasn't Sam," he started to narrate after he was comfortable on the floor. My eyes flew open and grew so wild that he started petting my hair and continued to relay his story before I could jump in with any questions. "Yeah… There he and I were… Uhh some kind of actors playing the role of 'The Winchester Brothers' and we weren't even supposed to be blood relations."

"Really? Your life was a Sci-fi show? Hey… Wait! Did it air on HBO?"

"I'm not sure. Why do you ask?" He countered with a chuckle.

"Well if Chuck's books have taught us anything, there's no recounting the life of Dean Winchester without some full frontal nudity," I clarified with a suggestive eyebrow quirk.

He laughed out right and then leaned over to place a soft kiss on my lips. "And who's partially to blame for that?" Dean whispered in my ear huskily before continuing, "But yeah that's basically the gist of it."

"Sorry… Nope, but that isn't good enough," I teased. "There must have been something else. Come on, out with it. Please Dean?"

"It's nothing, really… It's just that it wasn't here, so everything just felt off. Plus… Well… Apparently the best place for them to film our lives was in Canada… Seriously as if it wasn't bad enough that I had to be away from… here, we were also stuck in the land of hockey…"

He stopped abruptly when he heard me gasping for breath while I silently laughed.

"Well I'm glad that you find my pain amusing."

I gently pet his face and apologetically said, "I'm sorry Dean, I didn't mean to laugh, but Canada really isn't THAT bad… Well depending where you were and what time of year it is…" He grumbled out "Vancouver", which elicited a louder laugh on my behalf. "Dude! You were in Vancouver and you're complaining?"

His eyes narrowed slightly in annoyance as he asked, "Does that mean that you've been there and you liked it?"

"Yeah, little bit. Poppy had talked about doing a road trip to the Northwest so that we could check out the Big League and Minor League parks as a Grad trip… But of course I couldn't really travel that summer because of… Well being pregnant and all… So we were going to do it the next summer, but he had passed away by then…" I explained as I sat up and pulled him to sit with me on the couch again.

"Oh… Geez Lay… I'm sorry."

I draped my legs over his lap and cuddled into his side. "It's okay and totally not your fault Dean. I did finally make it up there after Mum passed. But really, the area is beautiful in the summer and their ballpark is pretty amazing. Next job that we have up in Washington State, we should do a little detour," I elaborated with my head on his shoulder and playing with the medallion hanging from his neck. "You know there are ghosts and other creatures north of the border too."

"Oh yeah?" He questioned, twirling a tuft of my hair around his index finger. "So you fought some nasty ghosts while you were in the Great White North?"

"I tried to, but it just turned out to be a fat lot of nothing," I replied with a disgruntled grumble.

"Well now who's the one that needs to go into more detail about their story?"

I laughed and hugged his torso as tightly as I could before telling him, "I got a little over excited when one of Mum's old contacts passed on a job at a partially abandoned insane asylum. I had high hopes that there would be some kind of crazy, pissed off spirit, but everything that I found was just residual."

Both of our bodies shook with Dean's laughter before he said, "You sound a little disappointed."

"I was! But luckily the Canadians were in town so I consoled myself with a few wobbly pops at the ball park while working on my tan. There's no better way to relax than having a few at a ballgame."

We sat in silence for a while and then he felt me stutter in a breath. Since he had heard me using a tone that could be described as pure contentment, Dean hugged me closely and softly stated into my hair, "Hey… Lay we're definitely going to make it back up there together… And I'm pretty sure we might even be able to convince Toby to go with us too."

I wanted to believe him… to believe that we could plan our trip this far in advance, but I knew that that was just wishful thinking. We were both hunters and we threw ourselves whole-heartedly into every job that we found, so we knew that the farthest into the future that we should look was twenty-four, forty-eight hours tops. Anything beyond that would just be a set up for bitter disappointment.

Even with that knowledge at the forefront of my thoughts, I gripped his medallion tightly affirming, "I don't think it will take too much to convince him to go on any type of trip with us."

Dean chuckled softly in response, and then we fell into a comfortable silence once again, holding each other as closely as my current condition would allow. Suddenly I abruptly pushed myself up off his chest and sat up at attention. Before he could say anything, I placed my hand, a little too roughly in my haste, over his mouth so I could focus my attention on what I thought I had heard.

As I stood up, I grabbed his hand cheerfully exclaiming, "I think Sam and Bobby are back! And they promised to bring food!"

Dean laughed loudly, but when I earnestly pouted at him, he leaned in and caught my lips in a loving kiss.

"Sorry, but I haven't had anything to eat except for a granola bar and tea and after our ginormous…"

Dean quickly kissed me again saying, "I'm starving too… I just didn't expect you to get so excited about the prospect of food."

With a nonchalant shrug, I winked and playfully teased, "It must be the pregnancy hormones… Yeah they must be making me act more like you."

As we ate our dinner, we went over everything that Sam and Bobby had found on their trip to town. We still didn't have many details, but we were close to a trail that we… they might be able to follow. But before continuing any further, we delved deep into research mode to see if there was anything else that we could uncover about our latest foe. During this time, Bobby did finally find a definite pattern that looked to be very helpful to us.

Bobby had pulled out map and point out a path along one road with a red marker. "I've been getting blasts from hunters all week. Nest of vampires… Werewolf dance party… Shifters, six of them… two hunters died taking them out… Ghouls… Ghouls… Ghoul wraith smorgasbord…"

Dean leaned over the desk to take a closer look at the line Bobby was pointing to then asked, "Is it just me or is that a straight kick-line down the I-80?"

Bobby nodded answering, "Exactly."

"Looks to me like it's a Sherman March monster mash," Dean observed with a tone teetering between annoyed and amused.

"Yeah, but where are they marching to?" Sam asked.

"And why now?" I added meekly.

Bobby circled another point on the map and we all shrugged and threw him a perplexed look. Dean wrapped an arm around my expanding waist as Sam finally asked the question that was on all of our minds, "What is it?"

Bobby replied simply, "Guy bashes in his family's head."

We all stared at him wide eyed then we all slowly settled back to our previous posts around the room. After we were all seated, Bobby then commented somewhat pointedly, "I think I'm going to start packing."

Sam quickly took the hint and jumped up offering, "Why don't I help you Bobby?"

Once they had vacated the room, I laughed softly to myself then quietly asked, "Why do I get the feeling that they've ditched us?"

Dean smirked and winked saying, "Yeah I kind of got that feeling too."

"Well… Dean, why don't you go help them and I'll pull together all of the information we've found?" I directed as I stood and bundled our notebooks in a pile.

"Are you sure?" Dean questioned rubbing my back softly as I struggled slightly to stand up straight.

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sure… And let Bobby know that I'll start dinner too, so he doesn't have to worry about that, okay?"

Dean nodded quietly answering, "Thanks, I will."

After I had everything gathered together for them, I went upstairs to work on packing for my own trip. I had had all of my arrangements completed for a few days by this point, but I hadn't quite decided when the best time for me to depart would be, so I took this as my opening. I also had most of what I needed already packed, so I was basically doing my anal triple check that I had everything packed and ready to go.

With that complete, I turned my attention to the daunting task of putting together a meal for the four of us. Luckily Bobby was the type of man that kept his kitchen stocked with everything that should have made it easy for me to put a meal together, but I was finding that under the weight of my pregnancy it was harder and harder for me to move around any small spaces. Given their upbringing, I knew that Dean and Sam wouldn't be too picky about the food put in front of them, but I still made sure that there was plenty cold beer stocked in the fridge just in case I needed any help distracting them from the taste of the meal.

"So… Ohio, eh?" I asked as Dean and I prepared for bed in 'our' room.

"Yeah…" Dean replied sounding somewhat suspicious. "Why…? Does that mean something to you?"

"No… Just… Umm… Well… I was trying to start with small talk before getting to this, but… Uhh… You know that when you get back… I won't be here, right?"

Dean pulled me closely to his chest and replied softly in my ear, "I had a slight inkling that was the case when I saw your duffle bag out. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Since I couldn't easily roll over to kiss him properly, I pulled his hand to my lips in an effort to reassure him. "That's still a negative for that. I'm going to make a quick pit stop to check in with Toby and the family and then I'll continue on from there… And no… I'm still not telling you my final destination… But…"

Dean had started to kiss my neck and behind my ear, but when I didn't continue he stopped to whisper, "But?"

"But Toby just told me that he was able to pick up a prepaid cell for me, so it looks like I'll be able to call you… You know, just so that you don't forget about me while we're apart," I finished, trying to ignore the fact that he was using his soft lips to try to distract me.

Dean suddenly stopped, mid-kiss and then pushed me onto my back. He was rougher than he had meant to be, so before he said anything else, he muttered a few apologies into my flesh as continued to kiss my neck and upper torso.

"Really? You'll keep in touch?" He finally asked, desperately trying to keep an even tone. I nodded, smiling cheerfully. "Thank God… If I to go a whole month without even being able to talk to you…"

I gently pet his face and jumped in saying, "I know me too… But remember, it's just a crap, disposable, pay-as-you-go phone, so it'll have no GPS, which means no trying to find me, okay?"

He leaned down and kissed me then begrudgingly agreed with an "Okay" against my lips. Then he laid down once again on his side and helped me to do the same. I snuggled into his side and we both left each other to our own thoughts as we held each other tightly.

"Hey Dean?" I asked somewhat hesitantly because I didn't want to wake him if he was asleep or near to falling asleep.

He replied almost immediately with a kiss on my head then said, "What's up Lay?"

"I… I know that you read… that you read my journals," I started in a neutral and somewhat hesitant tone.

Dean quickly interrupted me apologetically saying, "Umm… Yeah, about that… Sorry… But I… Uhh I…"

"Dean… I wasn't getting mad at you, so relax, okay? I was just saying that I know that you did and that if you wanted to ask me about anything that you read… Well, I want you to know that you can, alright?" I finished as I relaxed in his embrace.

As he combed his fingers through my hair, Dean scowled and looked like he was trying to decide if he was going to ask his question or not.

"Dean really… I want us to be better than good before I leave… Please? Whatever's on your mind, please just ask me…? Please?" I nearly pleaded.

He leaned in close then soothingly stated, "Hey, don't worry about it… We're good, really… I promise we really are."

After he pecked my lips, I held his cheek then softly stated, "Come on Dean, I can tell you have something on your mind. Please? Please… Umm… What if I told you that I won't be able to sleep unless you ask me something?"

He chuckled and leaned back still shaking lightly from his laughter. "Are you blackmailing me?"

I placed my head on his shoulder as I contemplated his question and then nodded saying, "Yeah… I guess I am."

"Okay…" He finally conceded. "There was one thing that I read that kind of made me wonder… Umm… Did you… ? Did you really want to kill yourself because you were going to have our baby?"

I tried my best to keep my shudder to myself, but Dean felt it and squeezed me to reassure me. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me… Really it's fine if you don't."

"No… It's not that Dean… That… that period of time was pretty… Umm… Pretty high strung for me. Before meeting Sister Mary Catherine, I was all over the map with my feelings about having a baby. There was one day… Just ONE when… When Sydney and I had had an incredible screaming match and he sort of convinced me that I would have been better off dead… So I did uhh… I did… You know…? Uhh… On one of my wrists… But as soon as I saw the blood, I kind of snapped out of it and stitched it up before anyone could see it. I kind of let myself wallow in that self-loathing state for a while, but I only earnestly tried it that once… Really just the one cut."

"Lay, I still hate that you felt like that, even just for a minute," he whispered as he maintained an almost uncomfortable hold on my body. "And Dad… You…? ?ou told him about Toby?"

"Well… When he came out with Mum to drop off the car at the convent, it was beyond impossible not to fill him in… You must have seen the picture in Toby's baby book from that day… I was ginormous."

"Picture…? Wait… Do you mean the one of you and Vicki by Phantom? Dad… Dad took that?"

I nodded against his chest replying, "Yeah… For some reason no one was really able to say 'No' to Mum, so he quickly snapped that picture before they left."

"Huh… He never really let on about knowing about… Well you and Toby."

He started to attempt to lull me back to sleep by rubbing soft circles on my back, but I still had too many thoughts running through my head to fully succumb to the sweet embrace of sleep.

"Dean?" I asked into his chest.

He mumbled something resembling an "Uh huh" into my hair, so I continued just as confidently, "Tell me something I don't know about you."

Dean started to laugh at my question, but swiftly stopped himself to more somberly reply, "I read all of your journals and every single one of your yearbooks… I even have a few of them memorized."

I gently slapped his chest saying, "I knew that already… Well not that you memorized any of them, but I kind of figured you read them all when I saw them in the den." I pushed back off his chest so I could look him in the face and then petted his pecks imploring, "I meant, tell me something about you from back then… Something that no one else has told me already."

He closed his eyes and remained motionless for an uncomfortably long time so I tried to ease his mind by retracting my earlier pleas. "It's alright Dean… You… you don't have to if you really don't want to. I shouldn't have pushed like that."

Before opening his eyes, he shook his head answering, "No, it's just that that was a long time ago… Are you sure you really want to know?"

I leaned in close and kissed his lips and eye lids before asserting, "I'm sure. Please Dean?"

"Okay… Well… Here's one," he started slowly. "The day Vicki told me that I should just let you be and let you move on… The day she broke up… That day… I had actually… I had gotten a set of keys to the Impala cut for you… So we could… You know, like we talked about? But I got really drunk that night and tossed them off a bridge."

Before I knew it, tears were streaming out of my eyes and they started soaking the front of Dean's shirt. "I… I had no idea Dean… I'm… Oh God, I'm so sorry."

He tried to wipe away some of the moisture on my cheeks lovingly affirming, "Shh, it's okay Lay. Like I said, it was a long time ago, so don't worry about it now… Okay?"

I sniffled back my tears so that I could speak and then pushed myself off his chest to try to look him in the eye. "I know… But I had no… Still I'm sorry Dean. Really… And… Umm… I think that that was more like two or three confessions… I think I might owe you a few answers now if you had more questions."

Dean pulled me close to him again as he said, "No, I'm good for now, but I would really like it if you tried to sleep… You still do need your rest Lay."


	13. And So Has Your Name

_**I pulled up to the two story house still unsure how I was going to explain everything to Toby. If Dean's reaction had been any indication of how the rest of the family might feel, I knew I was in for a world of trouble to try to figure out the best way to explain our decision to our son.** _

_**Before I could extract myself from the pickup truck I had rented, Toby was at the driver's door breathlessly exclaiming, "Mum! Why didn't you call? Is this your new truck? Phantom's still drivable, you know? And I totally don't mind if you still want to use her." He finished with a playful wink.** _

" _ **No Buddy this is just a rental and I didn't call because I wanted to surprise you."**_

_**He had run around to the passenger's side to pull out my duffle bag while I finally eased my weight out of the vehicle. I stretched out my tired muscles slightly while I waited for him to meet me at the nose of the truck. When he got to the spot where I was standing, he dropped my bag staring at me wide-eyed and his hands were instantly glued to the sides of my belly.** _

_**He lifted his eyes to my face slowly questioning, "Muuuummm?"** _

" _ **Uhh… Surprise?"**_

_**I picked up my bag and took his hand to lead him into the house because he made no motion to move. "Okay Buddy… How 'bout we get in the house before the neighbors see me?"** _

_**Inside we sat down in the living room and Toby explained that Maureen was out with Bill at a dinner. I was mildly concerned that they had left him alone, but then he showed me a few more precautionary steps that they had put in place so I let it go. I also silently reminded myself that they were still his parents, so I had to accept their decisions… Especially since I was hoping to convince them to let Dean and I take him on his first hunt soon.** _

" _ **Mum… What did Raphael do to you? I mean it's only been three weeks since I last saw you at the Farm House, right?"**_

_**I placed my hands over his (that were once again glued to my belly) and rubbed the back of his hands with my thumbs. "You're right... And you remember how I told you that I would explain everything about why Raphael took me later?"** _

_**Toby nodded, but remained completely silent. I petted his face then held his cheek as I continued, "Buddy… I want to be totally honest with you… But this is going to be difficult to hear… Are you sure you're okay with that?"** _

" _ **Yeah Mum… I'm good. Please tell me. I REALLY want to know."**_

" _ **Okay… Alright… You remember all that stuff that happened with Dean and Sam being vessels? (He nodded) Well… It turns out that there's been a slight change in plans. See Dean wasn't… I mean… No one foresaw Dean or Sam having any children, so everyone assumed it was Dean and Sam that were the end of the Winchester bloodline…"**_

" _ **Me? I'm a vessel for an angel?" He jumped in sounding both shocked and surprised.**_

" _ **Yeah… You are Buddy," I replied hoarsely. "You and your little brother or sister too."**_

" _ **Mum? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked as a tear rolled down my cheek.**_

" _ **Well it goes back to Raphael. He… he broke me out of Hell so he could make sure that you would have a sibling because… because he wants you two to fight to end the Apocalypse… Properly this time since Sam and Dean didn't."**_

" _ **Whoa… So… How are we going to stop him?"**_

" _ **Well we keep helping Cas and the guys… That's one way…"**_

_**His eyes narrowed slightly at my hesitation as he asked, "What's the other?"** _

" _ **I'm… We're… We're not keeping the baby Tobs…"**_

" _ **WHAT? WHY? Why not? Mum I promise… I PROMISE I'll help keep them safe!" He exclaimed gripping my belly tightly.**_

" _ **I know you would Buddy," I replied calmly while holding his cheeks. "But if they can't find the baby then both of you will be safe."**_

_**He leaned down and rested his cheek on my stomach tearfully saying, "But why? I thought that you and Dad wanted to have more kids… What happened?"** _

_**I gently stroked his head and let him nuzzle in close to me. "We did Tobs… We really did, but then we were reminded about our lives and who we really are. Dean and I are hunters, that's what we both need to do to survive… And then there's the whole Angel War… I don't want either of you to get trapped in that…"** _

_**Toby sat back and didn't attempt to dry his face asking, "So this is it? You and dad have totally made up your minds?"** _

_**I pulled down my right shirt sleeve over my hand and tenderly dried his cheeks. "Yeah we have… It's the best way to make sure that angels like Raphael can't use either of you to do their bidding… and you'll be safe."** _

" _ **Do you even know if it's a boy or a girl? If I'm going to have a brother or a sister?" He asked through shallow, choppy breaths.**_

" _ **No because the less we know the better it is to hide them."**_

" _ **Oh…" He finally caught his breath before he added, "But what if down the line I meet a really pretty, much younger girl… I mean if we don't find out then how will I know if she's my little sister or not?"**_

_**He quirked up an eyebrow with a satisfied smirk prompting me to pull him close in an awkward hug. "How 'bout you not be a dirty old man and keep from dating girls fourteen years younger than you?"** _

_**Toby let me maintain my stronghold on him to keep him close as he playfully replied, "But I'm a Winchester."** _

_**We both shook laughing. "That you most definitely are."** _

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Rogers, did I wake you?" The nurse asked as she checked over my charts.

"No Ma'am, you didn't. I never sleep well when I'm in hospital," I replied honestly, stretching out as much as my IV would allow.

"Really? Do you find yourself at hospitals often?" The middle aged woman asked with just a slight hint of suspicion in her tone.

"Well I am a little bit more than accident prone… But I wouldn't say I'm in hospital any more than usual Ma'am."

She gave me a sideways glance and hummed a disbelieving, "Uh huh."

I knew right away that she didn't completely believe me because we both knew that my body was covered in more scars and bruises than the average woman my age should have. She didn't press the matter, so I tried my best to change the subject asking, "Is there any word about how much longer I will be staying with you all?"

"They're working on your discharge papers right now," she replied simply as she left the room.

I pulled out my cell phone and minutes tally to double check if I had enough time left to call both Toby and Dean to let them know. Ultimately I decided against it because my last conversation with each of them had been beyond awkward because they both had been quite evasive and secretive for no apparent reason. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I didn't really want to go through it again to try to figure it all out.

================================  
                               FLASHBACK  
================================

"Dean? You doing okay?" Sam asked cautiously.

"Yeah… Yeah I'm good," Dean replied more politely than Sam had anticipated that he would. "I still can't figure out why this job is so damned important that Toby has been calling every hour to see if we made it here yet or not."

"Well the last Shtriga that we came across was pretty nasty," Sam commented optimistically as they walked up the stairs.

"Yeah, BELIEVE ME, I remember," Dean replied.

After interviewing the parents of each of the victims and each of the pediatricians, the Winchesters made their way back to their car. They learned that the number of children that had fallen ill with flu-like symptoms was inexplicably high and it seemed to be growing at an alarming rate. The doctors were testing a few different possible treatments, but so far nothing seemed to be working yet. The majority of the children were from the same grade school class, so the doctors' only theory at this time was that it was a viral infection being spread at school.

"Are you convinced that this is really one of our gigs?" Dean asked smiling suggestively at a young nurse that he was holding the door open for so that she could enter the building.

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean's silent flirting as he replied, "I don't know because it still seems too early to tell. Don't you think so too?"

Dean sighed dejectedly before replying, "You're right, we need to find out more information about…"

"Dean? Dean?" Sam called from his side of the Impala.

The elder Winchester wasn't fully paying attention to his brother because something off in the distance had caught his eye. Before Sam could question his brother, Dean quietly growled an annoyed, "Toby!"

Sam's gaze landed on the scene that held Dean's attention, but again Dean spoke before Sam could utter a word. "Sam! Get in the car! NOW!"

Once they were in the car, Sam asked, "Whoa… Was that who I thought it was? Or am I just seeing things?"

"Yeah it was… And if he… Damn it!"

Dean was confident that his vehicle was camouflaged in the parking lot, so he remained stationary while he pulled out his cell phone.

" _Hey Dad! So I've been working on who it might be, but I haven't really come up with any solid suspects. Last time Uncle Sam figured out it was a doctor, right? And it was because he saw the same guy in pictures like a hundred years apart, right? Because I've tried that and so far I've found nothing. I was thinking that maybe the teacher from all of the sick kids' class could be it, but I still haven't found anything after going back like ninety years. What did you guys find out?"_ Toby rapidly explained in place of a proper greeting.

"Toby…" Dean slowly replied through gritted teeth.

The younger male swallowed audibly then quickly jumped in, _"I know Dad, but I found her by accident, I swear! I thought this was a real case so I figured… What would be the harm when I found her without trying to? It's like a sign or something, right?"_

"Toby…" Dean replied in a much less sever tone. He still didn't know what he wanted to say, so he offered a solemn, "Buddy…"

" _Dad…"_ Toby swallowed audibly again. _"She can't get mad if we found her by accident and if she just happens to be somewhere that there's a job, right?"_

When Dean heard Toby's voice crack and on the verge of tears, Dean jumped in with a very loving tone, "Buddy, you and I both know she won't see it that way. IF she had seen Sam and me, do you think she'd give us enough time let us explain?"

Toby sniffled back his looming tears to quietly answer, _"No."_ They both remained silent then Toby added, _"Honest Dad, I didn't try to find her, really I didn't."_

"I know Toby, I know," Dean replied trying to calm his son's tears. "But we have to leave town so she doesn't see us. Why don't you forward everything to Bobby and we'll get him to find someone to work this case for us?"

" _Okay… But Dad…?"_

"Yeah Toby, what is it?"

" _Does…? Does she look good?"_ The young teen hesitantly asked.

Dean sighed and shook his head replying, "She looks beautiful."

" _And you're happier now that you saw her and could confirm that she's okay?"_

"Toby…" Dean cautioned, knowing that the younger male was going to try to justify his actions.

Dean's son took in a deep breath then almost defiantly added, _"Tell me that you aren't and I'll apologize for sending you and Uncle Sam there."_

Sam snickered in his seat and pretended to be preoccupied with some information on his laptop while his older brother glared at him.

" _I'll take that as a no then… But I'm still sorry… And I'll send everything over to Bobby right away… I… I… I love you Dad."_

Toby sounded genuinely repentant, so Dean's demeanor softened even more. "Thanks Buddy… Love you too." After his cell was tucked back in his jacket pocket, he turned over the engine and kept from looking at his brother as he good naturedly said, "Shut up Sam."

==============================================================================

"So it looks like everything is set up… Now we just have to wait for…"

She hesitated and tilted her chin, trying to hear something off to her right hand side, halting her speech in the process.

"Don't worry Charlie; everything is in fact in place and going off without a hitch. And I promise, the doctor assured me that they have the E. Coli outbreak under control and the newborns are never near any of the other patients… Just you know, other newborns in the nursery," the representative assured her client.

"Oh… Yeah… That's good…" The client absentmindedly replied.

A soft touch on her forearm stopped the pregnant client while the agent asked politely, "Are you alright Charlie? You're not having second thoughts are you?"

"Huh…? Oh… Umm… Yeah, I'm okay. And no, no second thoughts Ma'am. I wouldn't do that to y'all… I just thought that I heard someone I know… Sorry," Charlie replied with a warm smile.

After they departed way, the pregnant woman quickly checked the parking lot while pulling out her cell phone thinking, _Fuck Dean… If that really was the Impala I just heard, so help me God…_

" _Hey Lay! How are you doing? Have you popped yet?"_ Dean asked quickly.

Addy once again looked at the cars in the lot and squinted as she tried to focus on the few cars off in the distance. "I'm good and no I…" She started.

" _Good… Good… That's good… Well that you're good, not that you're still… You know and all…"_ Dean cut in only half listening to her.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks. So how are you?" She cheerfully asked while trying to hide her suspicion. "What are you and Sam up to right now?"

" _Us? Oh… Sam and I took a quick side job to kinda distract us after what happened with Rufus,"_ Dean replied through the sound of wind rushing through the Impala's window.

"Job? What about Bobby? Does that mean…? Is he doing…?" She asked with a tone that tittered between hopeful and panicked.

" _Better? No, not really,"_ Dean finished for her. _"That's why we finished this one so fast. But I'll fill you in on all that later, okay?"_

"Sure… Yeah, okay. Give him my best… Sam too! Love you."

" _You too Lay,"_ He hastily replied then tossed the phone into the backseat with an exaggerated sigh. When his brother chuckled softly, Dean snapped, but this time without a single hint of humor in his tone, "Shut up Sam!"

=================================  
                              END FLASH BACK  
=================================

"Bobby…? Poppy? Are you home?" A voice called from the front door.

"Study!" The hunter called out fully recognizing the voice that called out to him. He knew that the owner of it couldn't make it past the threshold if he wasn't truly himself, so there was no way he could get into trouble for calling out to them without double or triple checking.

Bobby quickly worked at clearing off the empty bottles from his desk to ensure that the new comer wouldn't see them. As he threw the last bottle into a random drawer, he heard the creak of a floorboard announcing the presence of his visitor.

"Hey Poppy!"

"Hey there Toby, how are you son?" Bobby asked from his spot behind the desk.

"Bobby! Can you come in here to help me with dinner?" A gruff voice called form the kitchen as it got louder with its closer proximity. "Toby! When'd you get here?"

"Nana!" Toby exclaimed as he turned to hug her. "We just got here, literally JUST got here. I thought you were working with Auntie Jo!"

"Well I was, but I had to get back her to check on your Granddad," Ellen teased, still not feeling used to the new label Toby had given each of them over a year ago.

"Yeah, that's why Mum and I wanted to get out here sooner than later too," Toby quietly explained while keeping Ellen in a tight embrace.

Knowing full well that 'Poppy' wasn't meant to hear that last bit of information, Ellen jovially asked, "And where is that mother of yours?"

"Right here Ellen," I replied in a hushed tone. "Sorry… Victoria fell asleep on the ride over and someone was so excited about seeing you guys that he forgot to help his Mum with the bags."

Toby immediately ran over and claimed the bags I'd dropped with a solemn, "Sorry Mum" before carrying them upstairs to deposit them in the guest room without being asked.

Ellen gently touched the toddler's face while she was resting on my shoulder as I quietly said, "Shit, they've left already?" She offered a sad smile then nodded. "Okay, just let me put Victoria to bed before you tell me all about it, okay? She's kind of heavy when she's dead weight."

By the time I got up the steps, Toby was diligently waiting for me. He helped me tuck his sister in bed then as we went to meet Bobby and Ellen again, he commented (without showing his sadness), "Dad's gone with Uncle Sam, right? And he won't be here like he said he would to teach me all about fixing cars and stuff, right?"

I shook my head sadly and he set his jaw for a moment then took off running down the stairs calling out, "Hey Poppy! Do you need any help with researching Eve?"

I slowly made my way down the stairs in Toby's wake, but stopped myself from disciplining him for yelling and running in the house when I saw him pouring over research with his Granddad. Instead I steered myself towards the kitchen asking, "Can I help with anything Ellen?"

She turned away from everything that she had on the cutting board saying, "I could always use an extra hand chopping veggies."

I laughed and washed my hands. "I'll get started on the potatoes then."

We finished up preparations with conversation about the recent job Ellen had worked with Jo before Jo continued onto the West Coast. When Ellen offered me the three quarter full bottle of beer, I waved her off without noticing her reaction as I just continued chopping the vegetables I had already peeled.

She quickly took over preparations for dinner, so I went into the study to help Bobby and Toby. Neither of them seemed too keen about me helping them (because as I was told by my son, "We have a method set up and it would take too long to explain it to you."), so I retreated to the kitchen once again to at least chat with Ellen.

"He'll be okay," She was saying to the phone as she stirred some beer into the stew.

" _Are you okay?"_ Dean asked.

Ellen chuckled as she looked at me and replied, "Oh Honey, you're sweet. You know me… I just worry about you boys… Especially since Addy and the kids are here and…"

" _Addy? Shit! Toby's on Spring Break now… I forgot… Tell him I'll call him later, okay?"_ Ellen quietly replied, "Of course." _"So all these corpses… Anything relate 'em?"_

Ellen slowly answered, "Well we actually did dig up one thing… None of us really know what to make of it."

" _Hit me."_

I was starting to feel useless until I heard some movement upstairs. While Ellen filled Dean in on everything they had found, I quickly made my way upstairs to check on Victoria. Not only was she up, but she had taken it up on herself to get out a change of clothes. I laughed softly to myself because she was so badly tangled in her shirt that she hadn't heard me enter the room.

"Aww… Roo, do you want some help with that?"

Through the mess of fabric, I barely made out, "Please Mummy?"

It didn't take too long for us to free her from the mess she had made of putting the shirt on. As soon as she could see, she ran over to her suitcase and retrieved her brush. Victoria remained completely silent as she smiled brightly and passed the brush to me.

"Why did you decide on a wardrobe change?" I asked with a mildly teasing tone as I started brushing out the tangles from her blond curls.

"Look pretty for Daddy," she nearly shouted.

I stopped mid-brush, turned her around and knelt down in front of her. "Oh Roo… Daddy and Uncle Sam aren't here… They had to go to help save some lives."

The toddler scowled then looked down at her outfit and appeared to have a silent conversation with herself. "Poppy?"

I nodded as I continued brushing her hair and she proclaimed, "Pretty for Poppy!" She then took off out of the room, almost taking the brush that was still in hair with her. Both of the kids seemed to be taking Dean and Sam's departure in stride, so I tried my best not to let my disappointment show.

Everyone had gathered around the table in the dining room, so quickly found my place beside Victoria's makeshift highchair apologizing for my tardiness.

"Mum did you want me to grab you a cold beer from the fridge?" Toby offered as I started to feed his sister.

"No thanks Buddy, water's just fine for me," I replied, so completely focused on Victoria that I once again missed the look that Ellen gave me.

Dinner conversation was concentrated solely on the case at hand. Bobby and Toby were looking into any strange deaths that may have occurred on the Titanic, but so far hadn't found anything of interest. Toby wanted to start looking into curses or any other reasons to explain why these people were dying right now.

When our meal was done, Bobby and Toby went straight back to researching and Victoria quickly followed them. Toby got her set up on the study's floor with her crayons and paper in the hopes she would leave Bobby's books unmarked. Every so often, Toby would praise her saying that her drawings were a huge help to both of them, which seemed to keep her happy and out of their hair.

"Addy? Darling? Can I ask you something?" Ellen asked as she picked up a dish to dry.

"Of course Ellen… Anything…"

She looked towards the study to ensure our privacy then quietly asked, "Darlin' is there something we should know?" She finished by quirking an eyebrow and nodded towards my waist.

I hung my head then asked, "It was me not drinking beer that gave it away, wasn't it?"

Ellen smiled and nodded.

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you sooner, but I just wanted to tell Dean first."

She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek laughing softly. "Of course you did. How far along are you? How long have you known?"

"Just three months along and… Umm… I've known for about a month now… I just really wanted to tell him in person and since we'd been planning on seeing him now, I thought I'd get a chance to tell you all sometime this week."

"Well your secret's safe with me… Why don't we help the boys figure out what's going on and get that husband of yours home sooner than later then?"

Time passed by too quickly for my liking because we weren't any closer to having answers to the majority of our questions by the time that we all started to yawn and I found it difficult to make my eyes focus. Toby was starting to nod off at his spot at the desk and Victoria was sound asleep curled up in a ball with her head in Ellen's lap. I half carried and half dragged Toby up to his room and Ellen was quick to scoop Victoria up to carry her upstairs as well.

Toby finally woke up enough to get himself ready for bed and dazedly wandered down to the bathroom. I turned to refocus my energies on Victoria, but was shoed away by Ellen. "Darling, I'm almost done with her. Why don't you double check on Bobby?"

"Ellen…?" I worriedly asked from the door.

"Shh… Don't worry Addy. He seems to be doing much better after seeing you and the kids."

"Okay, but still…"

"Adelaide," Ellen quietly cautioned then nodded towards the sleeping toddler.

I took the hint then and did as I was told and went downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, I could hear Booby on the phone so I hesitated before joining him.

" _It… Look… It… It doesn't even really matter, but…"_

"But?"

" _Apparently a crap load of dominoes get tipped over if the 'Titanic' goes down and bottom line… Lay and I never have Victoria and she didn't raise Toby…"_

"What? Addy… She wouldn't be a mother? Dean that's… that's horrible."

" _Yeah and that's not the worst of it."_

"What could be worse than your gorgeous daughter not existing or your son not knowing his mother?"

" _Ellen and Jo die."_

Bobby took in a deep breath then angrily instructed, "Okay you two… Listen up! You make sure… Keep those angels from sinking that boat. You understand me?"

I took a step away from the door and gripped my midsection tightly. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes at the thought of never having any children or not raising a child that I had born. Ellen met me in the hallway while I was calming myself down because I knew that I wasn't supposed to hear any part of that conversation, so I didn't want to tip Bobby off that I had.

"Addy? Are you okay?" Ellen asked placing a comforting hand on my back while I was bent doubled over, taking in a few deep breaths.

"Yeah… I'm good… I just have some wicked bad heart-burn. I forgot that beef did that to with when I was carrying Toby and Victoria. I'll just grab a couple Tums and then I'll be better than good," I lied convincingly.

She held my face in both of her hands and added in a stern loving tone, "And a good night's sleep couldn't hurt either. I'm going to try to pry Bobby away from his desk, why don't you head up to those beautiful babies of yours? It's beyond late and we should rest so that we can stay coherent to help the boys."

"Yes Ma'am," I agreed with a yawn to cover my impending sob. "See you in the morning."

It felt like I had just crawled into bed with Victoria before I felt her sit straddling my back to play with my hair. She didn't know how to braid hair, but she still loved twisting chunks of my hair to pretend that she could.

"Victoria! Nana said to let Mum sleep," Toby quietly scolded his sister.

"But… But…"

"No… Come on! Poppy told me breakfast would be ready soon too," he interrupted as he pulled her off my back and the bed. "Plus Nana also said that Mum isn't feeling one hundred percent, so you shouldn't sit on her like that, it could make her feel sicker."

Victoria sniffled loudly then said, "Sorry Toby."

I almost rolled over to comfort her and remind Toby that he needed to be gentle with his sister because of their (significant) age difference. Instead I laughed into my pillow when I heard Victoria shriek happily as Toby picked her up to give her a piggy-back ride.

My laughter soon turned into a sad sigh at the thought that there could be a world where my family didn't exist. I reached over, picked up my cell phone and smiled when I saw that it had finally recharged so I could call Dean.

" _Lay… Sorry! I tried to call and explain…"_

"No worries Dean. My phone died because… Well don't worry about that either… I wanted to come and check on Bobby too, so we would have come out anyway even if you did get a hold of me," I interrupted.

" _Oh… Okay… But still I'm sorry for doing this to Toby and Victoria."_

"Well I'm sure he'll consider it all forgotten if you take him out for target practice, just the two of you, when you get back. And Victoria… Well as soon as she sees you all will be forgiven."

" _Oh yeah? You think it'll be that easy?"_ He questioned with a nervous chuckle.

"I know it will… You think they have you wrapped around their little fingers, but it's the other way around… They just love being with you… So… Dean? Do you have a minute? Or are you and Sam about to interrogate someone soon?"

" _Lay, when you use a tone like that you can have all the minutes that you need,"_ Dean replied trying to hide his nervousness about whatever I had to tell him.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to worry you," I apologized as I sat up and stroked my stomach. "So I really wanted to do this in person, but now I think that you knowing is all that matters in the end."

" _Umm… Okay…?"_

"Dean… I'm pregnant," I announced bluntly.

" _What? Really?"_

"Yep… So it looks like I'm stuck on research duties again for the next little while."

" _Lay! Wow… Our third… Wow!"_

"Dean… Are you okay? I mean, are you okay with this? With us having another…"

" _Of course I am! Lay, I just wish that I was there so you could see how happy I am, really!"_

"Alright… Good… Now to tell the kids… Although I could wait until you get back and we can do it together," I offered hesitantly.

" _No, you should tell them now. Toby's probably worried about you vomiting so much and having to change your eating patterns,"_ he quickly replied. _"Hopefully we can get this done quickly so I can get back that much sooner."_

"I have to say that I like the sounds of that. Be safe Dean. WE all love you."

" _You too Lay."_

When I got downstairs, Bobby and Ellen were deep in conversation. She was pouring herself a tumbler of whiskey and downed it quickly, so I once again made myself scarce. I looked in the study, but it was empty of any little beings. After I stepped back into the hallway, the front door started opening, so I rushed to it and pulled it open to see who was on the other side.

"Toby? What are you two doing outside?" I questioned in a hushed tone.

I led them both back out onto the porch as Toby explained, "Poppy said that he needed to speak with Nana alone and asked me to find something that would keep Victoria entertained. I thought that we had packed the portable DVD player, so I was checking the truck for it and Victoria insisted on coming with me."

I had picked up Victoria and she started playing with my hair to preoccupy herself. When Toby finished speaking, I pulled him into a side hug against my other side and kissed his cheek. "Thanks Buddy. I really appreciate the help with your sister. I think that it's most likely up in our room in one of my bags."

"Oh? Okay… Well then I'll just run up there and grab it then," he offered as he turned to run into the house.

Before he could get out of arms reach, I balanced Victoria on my hip and grabbed his forearm.

"Actually… There's something I need to talk to you two about… Alone," I explained.

He took a seat on a lawn chair on the porch and I placed Victoria comfortably on his lap. Once I squatted down catcher-style in front of them, Toby took each of her hands in his own to keep her from trying to tug at my hair which would cause me to lose my balance.

"So… Toby how do you like being a big brother?"

He stopped bouncing Victoria on his knees and skeptically answered, "Umm… It's pretty cool… Even if she is a girl…"

Victoria turned and glared at him the instant he stopped "playing" with her, but after his teasing comment he immediately apologized to her, "But really Vicki, I love you and you're a pretty cool little sister." He looked back at me and asked, "Why do you ask Mum?"

"Well… No guarantees, but maybe this time it'll be a little brother for you."

Toby held onto Victoria's waist to keep her from squirming which elicited a frustrated grunt with an annoyed, "TOE-BEE!"

"Mum… Does that mean…?"

I nodded smirking slightly and then he turned Victoria around on his lap excitedly saying, "Did you hear that Victoria? We're gonna have a little sister or brother!"

She stared at him then back at me with a somewhat confused look. Toby took one of her hands then placed both his and her hands on my stomach. "Vicki, our baby's in there."

She grabbed my shirt and let it go numerous times demonstrating that she really didn't understand what her brother was trying to tell her.

"Mum! Do Poppy and Nana know?"

"No Buddy, I wanted to tell you two and Dean first," I answered while petting my daughter's confused face.

"Can we tell them…? Please? Pretty, pretty please?" Toby asked more calmly than before.

"Sure you can. Just make sure that…" I was going to warn him that he should be certain that Bobby was finished talking with Ellen before barging in, but Bobby stepped out onto the porch, which completely negated my need to do so.

He looked tired and worn out, but smiled none-the-less when he saw the three of us. Victoria was still gripping my shirt tightly, keeping me close to both of them on the chair. Bobby gave me a brief side hug then looked down at the two kids and sighed heavily.

"POPPY! Guess what!" Toby nearly shouted out of pure excitement.

"What is it son?" Bobby asked, visibly trying not to show his lack of energy or enthusiasm.

"Mum and Dad are having a baby!"

"Addy…?" Bobby questioned slowly in my direction sounding completely overwhelmed.

As I nodded, he pulled me into a proper bear hug.

"Okay, let's go tell Nana Vicki," Toby whispered to his sister as slipped her from his lap onto his back.

Bobby pushed out of our embrace and held my face with a sad look on his face.

"I know Bobby," I said softly. He moved his hands to my waist and I stood on my tip toes to kiss his forehead. "I mean, I KNOW. I heard you talking with Dean last night. I'm sure… They'll find a way to keep our family together."

He pulled me close again replying, "I hope you're right Koala Bear. But… That wasn't all that he had to say…"

We sat out on the front porch while he filled me in on the rest of the story. We at least now knew what we were up against, be we still didn't know how to destroy 'Fate'. Bobby was beyond frustrated and went out to the garage to clear his head after we talked.

In the kitchen, I found Ellen seated at the table and Victoria had her ear against Ellen's stomach asking, "Baby?"

Ellen and Toby were laughing as she combed her fingers through the toddler's curls. I picked Victoria up and kissed both of her cheeks saying through my own laughter, "Just for Mummy right now Roo… Just for Mummy."

The rest of our day and part of our night was spent dividing our attention between researching Fate while the rest was devoted solely to Eve. There was very little on the two of them, but we were determined to find something that would keep us together… All of us.

When I woke up, I checked out of my motel room and double checked my route to my final destination. I hoped that I wouldn't get to Bobby's too late, but I was confident that the boys would still be awake once I got there. At least I hoped that they would be because I really wasn't liking the prospect of having to break into Bobby's house when I knew full well that he (and most likely Dean) had been drowning their sorrows in Whiskey (or such) after Rufus' death. Plus there was never a shortage of shotguns on hand at Bobby's, so waking them up unexpectedly would most definitely end badly for me.

As I drove up to Bobby's blackened house, the butterflies in my stomach only settled the moment that I saw some of the kitchen lights illuminated. I took my chances and walked around to the back of the house and carefully opened the kitchen door. Immediately I saw that Sam was standing in the doorway to the study watching something going on there, so I was able to easily sneak up on him.

I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around; I threw my index finger over my lips and motioned for Sam to step away from the door and deeper into the kitchen.

"Addy?" Sam whispered in disbelief.

I simply nodded and smiled. Before I knew it, I was lifted off the ground in a loving hug. "You're back!"

"Only if y'all will have me," I quietly teased.

"Saaam? Sam! Where'd you go?" Dean quietly called out into the kitchen from the doorway.

Sam turned to face his brother as Dean asked, "What the hell man?"

The younger Winchester took a couple of long strides to his left in order to somewhat dramatically reveal my presence.

"Lay?"

"Oh… Hey Dean. How ya going?" I asked sounding very nonchalant.

Sam had immediately left the room, so Dean pulled me into a deep, lustful kiss then relented and rested his forehead against mine replying, "Better… Now that I've seen you."


	14. We Don't Talk Much Anymore

Dean placed a hand on each of my hips with his eyes glued to my midsection asking, "But how are you?"

I lifted his chin with my bent index finger and replied, "I'm fine Dean. Trust me, I'm doing really well." I took his hand in mine leading him to the kitchen door saying, "You honestly don't have to play the part of my own personal therapist, promise you don't."

At the bottom of the stairs Dean stopped abruptly and took a hold of my shoulders to force me to look at him.

"And what does THAT mean?"

I hadn't meant to sound like I was using a sarcastic tone, but I instantly noticed that Dean thought I had. "Sorry Dean, I wasn't trying to be a jerk, but you really don't have to. When you decide to give up a baby for adoption, they make sure that you talk with more therapists than you think would be possible. So I'm good, really I am. Plus…"

"Plus what?"

"Plus… Balthazar showed up. He did a little mojo to protect the baby after they were born and… and he even checked out the… the parents and confirmed that they're on the up and up," I continued sheepishly. I pulled him closed in a strong hug and reaffirmed, "You don't need to worry Dean. Everything went according to plan."

Dean rubbed my back gently and kissed my hair as I plastered myself to him. I pushed lightly against his chest and flashed him a warm smile. He still had a concerned scowl etched on his face, so I tried my best to erase it by standing on my tip toes and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

As soon as our lips connected, I felt a near electric shock course through me, awaking an insatiable desire for me to be with him. I tried to deepen the kiss and Dean responded to the embrace immediately. He quickly tired of bending over to kiss me, so he picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist without breaking the contact between our lips.

"Dean… NEED you… Now…" I panted against his mouth before I assaulted his lips again with mine.

I felt him turn to walk back up the stairs, so I unlatched my limbs form his waist so I could stand on my shaky legs. After I broke the kiss, he stood frozen in his spot with a look of uncertainty clouding his face.

"There is no way I can be quiet," I hastily explained, confusing him even further. After taking his hand in mine, I tugged him towards the front of the house continuing, "I still have the pickup that I rented."

Dean started laughing as my brisk walking pace turned into a full on jog. Before we reached the vehicle, I had already removed my jacket and tossed it into the box of the truck. Dean was once again just standing in his spot laughing, so I took the initiative to start disrobing him as well.

"You know Dean… You laughing so much is kind of ruining the mood," I comment with a husky tone as I unbuttoned his blue over shirt and let it fall to the ground with his jacket.

Now that he was standing in only his black t-shirt and jeans, Dean shivered when the night air hit his skin. I removed my top and threw it into the cab of the truck through the open door and playfully asked, "Do you want some help warming up?"

He nodded but just watched as I slipped out of my jeans and got into the truck only wearing my underwear. When he only bent down to pick up his shirt and jacket, I leaned out the door and shook my head smiling coyly at him.

"This is a lot more fun if you join me," I called out unhooking my bra and deliberately dropped it on the ground in front of him.

Dean quickly picked it up too and climbed onto the seat, slamming the door closed behind him. I crawled onto his lap and ran my fingers through his hair appreciatively as he suckled at the skin of each of my breasts. His hands travelled over my naked torso until they reached my cotton boycott briefs. He hooked his thumbs against my thigh and started to pull them off but stopped when he met resistance. I then briefly interrupted the attention he was paying my flesh to relieve him of his t-shirt. As I kneeled over his lap, Dean took the opportunity to pull my panties even further down my thighs, effectively trapping me in my current position.

I remained in my awkward kneeling position as he traced a few invisible lines down my chest to my stomach and around my ribs. His touch was so light that I shivered with anticipation and felt goose bumps blossom all over my flesh. He then leaned back slightly so that he could see my face while he excited my flesh. I had to grip one of his shoulders tightly so that I wouldn't lose my balance when I felt him dip the tips of two of his fingers into me.

"Dean…" I stuttered through a strangled breath. "Dean… Quit teasing," I started to beg. "NEED… you…"

I gasped as he thrust his fingers even deeper into me before slowly pulling them out then pushing them back in. Still holding onto his shoulder with a white knuckle grip, I used my free hand to work at unfastening the button and fly of his jeans. His hips bucked up off the seat when my knuckles brushed over his boxer clad crotch, but he remained otherwise completely focused on pleasuring me.

I then let out another almost painful, needy plea of "Dee… Eean."

He stroked my hair with his free hand softly saying, "Shh… Relax… I'm just trying to take the edge of Lay."

He maintained a slow deliberate pace until my breathing became shallow and even more ragged. When I started to climax, I threw my head back, but somehow remembered not to puncture the skin of his shoulder that was under my nails.

During my attempt to regain my ability to breathe, I rested my forehead on the back of my hand that was still holding onto Dean's shoulder tightly. Dean could feel that every muscle in my body had relaxed and since I was completely pliant, he laid me down on the bench and finally pulled my cotton briefs off my legs.

I barely moved as I relaxed back against the cushion with my eyes closed, still trying to somewhat steady my breathing. Dean must have taken a moment to finish undressing because the next thing I knew, he was nibbling at my neck and I didn't feel the barrier of his jeans anymore. I finally opened my eyes when I felt his bare chest touch mine.

"Dean… Wait," I panted between our kisses. He pushed his torso off of mine with a worried look on my face until I added, "Condom."

He looked around and I could feel his flesh burn with an embarrassed blush. "There's a box in the bag behind the passenger's seat," I informed him as I tried to twist and retrieve it.

He easily found the bag and pull a box out chuckling, "Lay, there's more than one box in here."

"Always be prepared Mr. Winchester, always be prepared."

His movements seemed to be slowed by his quiet laughter as he opened the box. He started to say something, but I pushed myself up to kiss him and gripped his hand almost roughly to get him to move faster saying, "A little less conversation, a little more action please."

As he thrust into me, his whole body shook again with laughter. I tried to shift my position under him, but Dean was swift to take my playful directive to heart. Instead of letting me wrap my legs around him, Dean pulled my hips up to meet his trusts while he kneeled on the seat.

The feelings that radiated between us were almost too intense for me to handle. Even though this position allowed me to climax quickly, I needed to have him closer to me… All of him. As his movements became more sporadic, I took advantage of his orgasmic state and pulled him down on top of me.

He started to push off of me, but I tightened my hold on him quietly saying, "No, don't move… Please? Just stay here with me?"

Dean shifted slightly so that he was more comfortable, but he stayed blanketing my body while he replied, "I'm sorry, I can't really hear you… I think you might have ruptured an eardrum."

I shuddered softly and pet his head. "Sorry… But I told you I wasn't going to be able to keep the volume down tonight."

He gently kissed my chest, neck and cheeks to distract me so he could roll us onto our sides. I felt myself starting to fall away from him, but hadn't realized that he had complete control of the situation.

"Dean… Dean! Don't let me fall!" I cried out almost in hysterics as I clawed at his back to maintain my embrace with him.

He kissed my forehead then gently asserted, "I've got you… You aren't going to fall."

I wanted to relax in his arms, but I had this inexplicable fear in the back of my mind telling me that I HAD to keep him close or something bad would happen. Dean continued to pet my hair, while kissing my head and mumbling affirmations of love against my hair without seeming to be fazed by my clinging to him. I tried to speak, but my words got stuck in the back of my throat. He continued to hold me tightly then he whispered, "We should probably head in soon."

I nodded against his chest and grumbled softly, "If we must."

Dean helped me to sit up and then he worked at gathering up our clothing. The longer we were separated, the emptier I started to feel. Soon enough I found myself shivering uncontrollably as I hugged my arms tightly over my chest, running my hands up and down my arms to try to warm myself up.

"Guess it's colder than we thought it would be," Dean teased as he passed me my bra and shirt.

My hands continued to shake violently as I tried to dress. Dean was nearly fully clothed when he noticed that I was having difficulties. He must have been smirking while he took my hands in his to take over the task of redressing me, but any commentary that threatened to spill out of his mouth to mock me was silenced when he felt the temperature of my skin.

"Holy shit Lay! You're burning up!" He exclaimed in shocked surprise as he hastily pulled my shirt over my head.

My teeth started to chatter uncontrollably causing Dean's tone to sound increasingly panicked as he tried to find the rest of our clothes in the darkened interior of the truck. When my jeans weren't easily found, he draped his flannel shirt over my knees quietly instructing me not to move (not that I could go anywhere easily even if I tried).

He opened the door so that he could use the dome light to help him in his search. "Shit! Okay Lay; I think your jeans are still outside… Okay, I'm just going to grab them and your jacket for you okay? Wait here."

I nodded with full understanding about what he needed to do. He smiled warmly with his true concern for me showing in his eyes before he slipped out of the cab. As soon as I was alone, terror struck me hard and fast.

"DEAN!" I shrieked the instant I lost visual contact with him. "DEAN! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He reappeared at the open door immediately with my jeans hanging from his right hand. "Lay, I'm…" He started before I lunged and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Hey… Hey… I'm here. Shh… I'm here," Dean replied in a soothing tone.

As soon as I had him in my arms, I calmed down considerably. My teeth were no longer chattering, but my skin still felt abnormally warm to the touch and was clammy with sweat. "I know," I sighed, not relenting one bit on my hold on him.

"But Lay," he reasoned with a soft mocking tone. "We can't get your jeans on in a position like this."

"Right… Right," I reluctantly agreed as I sat back.

I could have easily taken my jeans from him but I allowed him to dress me instead. While he pulled the denim up my legs, I gripped his forearms tightly to following his movements. As soon as he finished, he took a step back and I once again lunged forward and latched onto his neck.

"Okay let's get you inside," he said lovingly as he picked me up off the seat.

In his arms, I sobbed softly and nuzzled my face into his neck. He leaned over the edge of the box and pulled out my jacket then wrapped it around my body with a single hand and quietly told me to help him get me into it.

"Don't leave me," I repeated faintly over and over. "Please don't ever leave me."

As he carried me, my breathing steadied, my heartbeat slowed and my body temperature started to cool. On the porch I quietly apologized a few times then offered, "I think I can walk now."

Dean placed my feet on the ground, but held my face so that I wouldn't move. He looked genuinely scared for a brief moment, but the he quickly put on his more usual protective persona. To thank him for his unwavering devotion, I leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his lips then took his hand and stepped towards the door.

"Lay, wait," he commanded halting my movements. I stared at him dumbly as he placed the back of his hand on my cheek then held my face again. "You're starting to burn up again."

I shivered and my teeth chattered slightly as I nodded in agreement. "Okay, we need to get you into bed so you can rest," he observed wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

I took a couple of steps forward but my knees buckled under me with each step. In one fluid motion, Dean slipped his arm under my knees and lifted me off the ground. I once again hid my face in his neck, embarrassed by my feebleness and chanted, "I'm sorry" into his flesh.

He placed me gently on the bed and as he got up to step away, my hand shot out and grabbed him as I desperately cried out, "NO! Don't go! Please Dean? Don't go!"

He knelt down beside the bed and held my face to try to calm me. He stroked my cheek with his thumb and affectionately replied, "I'm not leaving… But Lay… I have to change and then help you out of your clothes so you can sleep."

I nodded then worriedly asked, "But that's it, right? Then you'll crawl into bed with me?"

"Yeah Lay that's it," he answered sounding confused. "Now I'm just going to the end of the bed to grab you one of my shirts out of my duffle, okay? Do you…? Do you think that you can undress yourself?"

Without speaking, I sat up and started unbuttoning my jacket while nodding my head quickly. Dean stood up and moved over to his bag as rapidly as his feet would take him. My hands started to shake, which made getting out of my jeans difficult, but I found that if I watched him, I could stay calm enough to finish the task at hand. By the time he got back to me, I was sitting on the edge of his bed in just my cotton briefs hugging my body and shivering uncontrollably.

"Here Lay, let's get you into this." When he touched my arm, my whole body sunk towards his hand and I let out a loud satisfied moan.

Before he could finish unfolding my arms, I grabbed his free hand and placed it on my cheek. "This is good too Dean."

Dean laughed despite himself as I rubbed my cheek against his palm. "But you have a fever, you really need to rest."

"Mmm hmm," I hummed completely lost in his touch.

I had my eyes closed, so I missed watching Dean trying to dress me with one hand. "Lay? Can you stand up?" Nodding, I stood, but just kept rubbing my face on his hand. He somehow managed to finish pulling up a pair of his boxers over my hips once I was standing then he whispered, "You have to let go of my hand for a second." He released my cheek and I whimpered at the lack of connection between us.

He leaned over and picked up a t-shirt and slipped it over my head. Dean had to guide each of my arms through the sleeves and once they were through, I pulled him close to me.

"Lay?" He chuckled uneasily. "I kind of need my arms so I can get ready for bed."

"Just another minute Dean," I replied through a sigh breathing in his scent off his chest as I brushed my cheek up and down against his pecks.

He ran his hands under my shirt and pressed his palms to my back. I tried to mold myself back into them and smiled softly, but mostly just to myself. My head lulled back slightly and Dean kissed my neck gently as he guided me down onto the bed. He slowly retracted his hands but made sure that the flesh of his palms remained in constant contact with my skin for as long as he possibly could.

"Dean? Dean?" I called out faintly.

The bed dipped down beside me and he trailed his hand over my t-shirt clad stomach and up my chest. At the neck of my borrowed shirt, he flipped his hand over and slipped it down between my breasts.

"You really need to try to rest, okay? If your fever hasn't broken by morning then I'll check and see if Bobby has anything to help," he explained while extracting his hand and kissing my temple.

I rolled onto my side and cuddled into his body without saying a word. After I put my head on his shoulder, I threw my arm over his chest and a leg over his thigh in an attempt to ensure as much of his flesh was touching mine.

Long after I had fallen asleep, Dean remained awake, staring at the ceiling. He absentmindedly combed his fingers through my hair thinking, _She just missed me… That's all this is… She missed me… And now it's topped off with some kind of flu… That's all this is._

_===================================================================================================_

"So she made it home last night?" Bobby asked as he poured each of them another cup of coffee. "How's she doing? How'd she look? That poor girl's been through so much these last few months."

"She looks great Bobby," Sam answered cheerfully as he opened up another book in front of him while he ate a forkful of food.

"Good… That's good… Dean? Son? Is there something we should know?" Bobby asked when he saw that the younger hunter was staring into his untouched coffee mug.

"Huh? Oh… It's nothing… I just think she caught a bug or something. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about though," Dean answered not sounding overly convincing.

"A bug? What makes you say that?"

"Well she had a fever and when we came back into the house, she was feeling kind of faint," Dean explained evasively.

"Back inside?" Bobby clarified with a quirked eyebrow.

"Uh yeah… Anyway, when I woke up it seemed like her fever had broken, so it can't be too bad." Dean finished then gulped down his coffee to keep from having to elaborate further.

"Well the medicine cabinet is stocked if you need…" Bobby started to say while cleaning up the dishes and placing them in the sink.

"DEAN! DEAN!" They heard me screaming from upstairs. "DEAN! WHERE ARE YOU? DEAN!"

The eldest Winchester fell through the bedroom door first with Sam and Bobby hot on his heels. He nearly leapt from the doorway onto the bed where I was seated and still yelling for him.

"Dean! You said you wouldn't leave me!" I sobbed into his shirts after throwing myself into his chest.

He petted my hair and rubbed my back saying, "I was just downstairs… Shh… I didn't leave you."

I took in a few choppy breaths and relented on my hold slightly. After I rested my head on his shoulder, I more calmly replied, "But you weren't here, I got scared… I… I-I worried."

"Yeah, I kind of got that," he nervously commented. "You're still burning up, so we should get you back into bed." I nodded grasping his hand as if my life depended on it. "And I promise, I'll stay here until you fall asleep again," he offered as I burrowed deeper under the covers.

I fell asleep almost immediately with my head on his thigh. Even in my deep slumber, my smile still widened when he started to stroke my face so that my shaking would subside. Sam was kind enough to retrieve a face cloth during all of the commotion and he gently wiped way the sweat that was dripping down my face.

Bobby cleared his throat dramatically and both Winchesters quickly turned their attention to him before he gruffly asked, "And I'm guessing that this would be the 'or something' you mentioned?"

Dean looked down at me and forced down a hard swallow then nodded his head. Bobby set his jaw and nodded towards the door in an unquestionable demand for both of them to step outside. Sam scrambled off the bed and followed Bobby into the hall, nearly tripping over his feet as he ran out the door.

Dean hesitated for a moment while he watched me sleep with a worried eye. As he slipped off the bed, I tried to unconsciously follow his movements. Once he was off the bed, Dean knelt down, kissed my cheeks and rolled me back onto the pillows.

"Dean! What aren't you telling us?" Bobby questioned in an angry, hushed tone the moment Dean stepped out into the hall.

"Nothing…"

"Dean!" Bobby interrupted heatedly, still trying to keep his tone low enough that he wouldn't disturb my slumber.

"I mean… Nothing that I know of… It's just that Lay… She kind of freaks out and can't stand to be away from me right now," Dean tried to explain.

Sam looked between them then innocently asked, "Did this start this morning? Because she seemed okay when I saw her last night."

"Well we kissed and she was okay," Dean narrated into his boots. "And then things got worse after we… you know… and…"

"Alright," Bobby mercifully cut in. "So it all started after you were… 'close'. Now the question at hand is, why?"

I woke up alone again to Dean's scent wafting into my nostrils from his pillow and his shirt that I was wearing. Once I was fully awake, I gripped his pillow tightly and cried into it. As my body started to shake, I almost yelled for him, but I overheard his voice drifting into the room from just outside the door which kept me calm enough to stop me from screaming.

"Seriously Bobby, one minute she's Lay and the next she's trembling and sweating and clinging to me like… like… Becky on Sam."

Sam huffed and rolled his eyes but tried to stay on task. "So what are all over her symptoms?"

"He's right Dean. If we know that then we'll have somewhere to start for our research," Bobby added crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well she's been feverish… Umm… She started shivering something fierce, teeth chattering, unable to coordinate her limbs shivering unless…" Dean looked towards the door uncomfortably as he trailed off.

"Unless?" Bobby and Sam questioned in unison.

"Unless… she…" Dean tried to answer the question, but was distracted by the sound of my whimpering and crying in his room. "Unless she's touching me," he concluded hastily before running into the room.

I looked up at him with tears streaming down my face but was silenced once again by my trembling. All three stood in a stunned silence as they watched my tears mix with the sweat pouring down my hairline. My body was quaking too profusely for me to do anything, but I still tried to convey my thoughts and feelings to Dean with my eyes since I didn't seem to be able to get my mouth to form words.

"Fuck… Lay… Come here," Dean softly instructed climbing into bed with me.

As soon as he touched my bare arm, I let out a loud sob. "I'm sorry… I could hear you… I know you didn't abandon me… I just… I just need you…"

I buried my face into his armpit as I continued to cry remorsefully. Sam and Bobby watched, completely horrified as Dean tried his best to comfort me. Dean of course remained solely focused on me until my shaking subsided. Once I was breathing somewhat normally, he looked up at the other two men and shrugged, shaking his head.

After a few minutes of silence, I pulled myself flush with Dean's body and rested my head over his heart. I looked over my shoulder then tried to smile saying, "Hey Bobby. Long time no see."

"I missed you too Koala Bear," Bobby replied loving as he reached out and touched my shoulder.

The neck of the t-shirt had slipped off my shoulder with my movements and when Bobby's palm touched my bare skin it burned. As I flinched away, Bobby quickly retracted his hand and checked his palm for injury. I pulled myself closer to Dean and once again hid from the other two hunters by burying my face in his neck.

Sam quickly checked Bobby's palm then looked over at Dean. "Okay… Dean… You stay… Bobby and I will start looking into possible… possible… whatevers."

"I'm so sorry Dean," I whispered behind his ear. Once we were alone, I kissed a spot under his jaw bone then continue along his face until I was straddling his lap and our lips met. "Sorry… I only want you… you and only you…"

In a confused daze, Dean let me kiss and nibble at his flesh. After the words hit his ears, he gently pushed me back, but made sure to keep his hands on the skin on the small of my back.

"Lay? Why? Why are you apologizing?" Dean asked almost politely.

I shifted slightly on his lap so that I could grind against his groin then I kissed his neck again like it was nourishment I needed to survive. "I've really only ever WANTED you… Despite the crushes and lust I felt for others (I tilted my head towards the door to illustrate that point) I only wanted to be with you… Only ever you Dean."

As I attacked his lips, Dean moved his hand to the back of my head to deepen my embraces. Then he took the lead and rolled me over onto my back. Despite my insatiable desire to be with Dean, I still remembered to remind him that we needed to use protection before continuing any further. He pulled his hand away from the night stand and smirked down at me as he showed me the small square package.

Bobby and Sam looked at each other across the kitchen table while they tried to ignore the sounds they were hearing drift down from upstairs.

"So son… You've read about something like this before?" Bobby asked nodding towards the book in Sam's hand.

Sam pried his eyes away from the doorway that lead to the stairs shaking his head. "No… I haven't read anything helpful…"

"Okay? Haven't 'read', but…?" Bobby prodded in an attempt to keep him on task.

"But it does remind me of something," Sam finally answered. When Bobby only offered an annoyed 'Come out with it' look, Sam nearly stumbled over his words explaining, "Not something I read, but something I saw… Famine."

Bobby hung his head dejectedly then turned his eyes to Sam asking, "Really? How so Sam?"

"Well Famine's victims they… WE had to have that one thing that we all craved, no matter what," Sam explained avoiding eye contact. "At first Dean and I only found a pattern with people who were touched… Well, not touched, they were… uhh marked…" Bobby had yet to connect the dots as Sam almost absentmindedly concluded, "By a Cupid."

Their eyes locked then Bobby muttered, "Balls!"

"Okay… So why do I get the impression that you know something that I don't?" Sam asked sounding more confused than angry.

Bobby got up and pulled out a beer for each of them and handed one to Sam. "I'm sorry son… I thought Dean had told you."

"Told me what?" Sam hoarsely inquired.

"Told you about everything that Raphael said to Addy." Bobby paused to not only compose himself, but also to check that Sam was still with him. "Raphael was 'kind' enough to tell her that not only was Toby a hitch in his plan, but that apparently your nephew is a part of God's actual ultimate plan…"

"'Ultimate plan'? What does that mean?" Sam jumped in sounding even more confused. "I thought Dean and I were God's plan."

"OH GOD! YES! DEAN YES!" They overheard off in the distance.

"Sorry son, but 'were' is the operative term here," Bobby replied nodding for Sam to follow him outside.

By the car Bobby was currently trying to revive, he explained, "When Addy told me about her decision to give up her last baby, she gave me the low down to justify everything to me. Apparently she was able to coerce quite a bit of information from our least favorite Arch Angel…"

"And…?" Sam inadvertently interrupted.

"And Raphael told her that unbeknownst to pretty much everyone in Heaven, Addy's heart was marked by a Cherub as Dean's perfect match. So Addy figured that God doesn't actually want the Apocalypse to happen because He went behind everyone's backs to link her to Dean just like He had had a Cherub mate your parents to each other to ensure that you two would be born."

Sam sat back and stared at Bobby then almost tearfully asked, "So she thought that Toby was God's way of keeping the world from ending?"

Bobby could see the doubt in the young man's eyes as he added, "No, she knew… Addy seemed to know that God didn't want to destroy this world, no matter how messed up it is…"

"Okay fine," Sam abruptly interjected trying to get back on track and away from his own feelings of regret and loss. "But how does that all play into what's happening now?"

Bobby took a deep breath to settle himself then calmly added, "She's marked and Dean's marked… What do you want to bet that that has something to do with her condition, just like you said?"

"You mean like the couple that ate each other?" Sam asked quietly.

Bobby nodded. "Best lead we have. She HAS to be with Dean, that's gotta be the best place for us to start."

===========================================================================================

Dean was running his hand down my bare back, watching me sleep peacefully. He let out a sigh of relief when he felt that my fever was still gone and my trembling had completely disappeared. He kept his left hand on my back as he stretched to retrieve his boxers and t-shirt form the floor. That proved to be too difficult, so he briefly broke contact to snatch them up.

As he freed his boxers from his jeans, his phone fell out and he saw that he had a couple of missed calls. He rubbed a few soft circles on my back then moved my hair so he could kiss my shoulder. I continued to quietly snore and didn't move, so he chanced another disconnection to quickly grab his phone before getting dressed.

While his voicemail played back, I rolled over and Dean helped me to cuddle into his side. After he had listened to both of Sam's messages, he sighed then laid down with me still in his arms. I woke up to him kissing my forehead softly while smoothing my hair down my back.

"This is a much better way to wake up," I commented as I ran my hands under his shirt and up his back.

He kissed my head again and pulled the blankets up over me when he felt that my skin was actually somewhat cool to the touch. "How are you feeling?"

I put my head on my pillow so I could look at him then answered, "I feel fine… No shakes and I'm pretty sure the fever's gone." He was still combing his fingers through my hair, but he remained silent. I gently stroked the length of his nose then asked, "So do they have a lead on what's causing this?"

"What? What do you…?"

"Dean I love you, really I do, but it doesn't take a genius to know that is isn't normal for me to only be coherent when I'm touching you."

He leaned in and kissed me then said, "So you weren't just trying to stroke my ego?" I shoved him back slightly, huffing an annoyed, but amused, "Dean." He wrapped his arms around me to hug tightly and more earnestly answered, "They have a theory that they're working off of."

"Okay… Good…" Dean sighed softly so I moved up to kiss him. "As much fun as this isn't, I…"

"I know Lay, I know," Dean quickly interrupted with another deep kiss on my lips.

"So did they tell you what their theory is?"

He worked a couple of tangles out of the ends of my hair near the small of my back with his fingers and simply replied, "Yep."

When he didn't elaborate, I pushed back on Dean chest and out of his arms almost angrily asking, "And?"

He let his hands fall to his sides then answered, "And they're working on it."

"Dean, come on, tell me! I… I… deserve…" My attempt at an angry tirade got interrupted by my teeth starting to chatter.

Dean yanked my arm to pull me back into a hug again. "Shh… When they know for sure what it is, then we'll get into all of it, okay?"

I sniffled back some tears and nodded my head agreeing, "Okay." He wiped away the moisture on my face then I playfully added, "So long as you aren't taking advantage of this just to keep me naked in bed with you."

==================================================================================================

When the smoke cleared, Sam stared at Bobby then asked, "Did it work?"

The older hunter shrugged and just as Bobby went to answer, two arms wrapped around his chest from behind him as he was lifted off the ground.

"Hey you!" After the newcomer put Bobby back down, he turned his attention to Sam saying, "And you again!"

Sam knew that a bear hug from the Cupid was unavoidable, so he stood still and squeezed his eyes shut. His only hope was that by his not resisting that the Angel wouldn't prolong the inevitable contact.

"So is this the Angel?" Bobby asked after Sam was released from the naked man's embrace.

"Yes I most certainly am! And how can I help the two of you?" Cupid jovially replied.

"We… Uhh… We have a couple of questions for you… And we were hoping to ask you to help us with something," Sam awkwardly explained.

"Of course! Anything for you Sam! I'm not stupid enough to refuse help to anyone who is allied with Castiel."

Sam and Bobby shared a questioning look then Bobby took the lead, "It's about Adelaide Jones…"

The Cherub chuckled saying, "Well Raphael already let the cat out of the bag on that one. Other than the fact that she's finally with her soul mate, what else do you need to know?"

"Something's happened to her…" Bobby tried to continue.

"What? Oh no! Dean already survived her unscheduled detour to Hell. How is he doing? How can I help?" Cupid worriedly implored as he gripped Bobby's shoulders and shook him softly.

"Oh! No… No, it's nothing like that, Addy… She's… she's alive," Sam stammered out when he caught on to the Angel's misunderstanding.

Cupid whipped around and hugged Sam tightly as he exclaimed, "That's such a relief to hear! Okay, then what happened to her?"

Sam and Bobby then explained everything Dean had told them about my condition. During the narration, the Angel started to weep so Sam handed him a box of tissues and they paused every so often until he had calmed.

"Can I…? Can I see her?" The Angel asked timidly through his tears.

"Sure, she's upstairs with Dean," Sam answered in a timid, confused tone.

=========================================================================================

"You still feeling okay?" Dean whispered into my ear.

I nodded then kissed him deeply and rolled him onto his back. After I straddled his midsection, I ran Dean's hands under my t-shirt and up my stomach and chest. He instantly took the hint and started to run his hands all over any inch of my skin that he could reach.

"So good… Want you… So bad," I panted in a lust-filled tone. My breath hitched slightly when he started to roll my nipples between his fingers. "Oh God… Dean… Please…"

He chuckled softly as he continued kneading my breasts. "Lay, I need a little more turnaround time than that."

"Oh God… Still so… Gggood… Dean…! Dean! Why'd you stop?"

Dean retracted his hands quickly, rolled me off of his lap and pulled the comforter up to cover us even though we were both wearing one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxer shorts. I watched him intently, trying desperately not to panic, but remained frozen otherwise.

"Don't any of you dicks know how to knock?" He snapped at someone standing behind me.

"Please Dean; don't be embarrassed about expressing how much you love each other. Nothing makes me happier than seeing two souls connect," the Angel replied so joyfully that he was almost singing.

"'Seeing'? Gross!" Dean scolded the Angel. "Brings a whole new creepy meaning to 'Angels are watching you'," he grumbled to himself.

I rolled over slowly and started to ask, "Who…?" when the naked Cupid stepped forward and interrupted me exclaiming, "They were right!"

His hand thrust forward and I let out a startled cry when it landed heavily on my chest. Before I could say anything else, Cupid tapped my forehead and everything went black.


	15. We Keep Running From the Pain

I awoke with a start, clinging tightly to the logo silk-screened onto the front of my t-shirt. Feeling completely disoriented I sat up, hyperventilating as I tried to take in my surroundings. The bed I was on felt comfortable enough, but I couldn't for the life of me put my finger on where the room I found myself currently might be, but I knew I didn't feel any apprehension at all for some reason.

"Hey there Sleeping Beauty," a voice quietly greeted me from the doorway.

I gasped with surprise as he caressed my face saying, "Hey, hey, I'm here… I'm here Lay."

He sat down on the bed and pulled me into his side as he started to stroke my arm, almost frantically, and I felt him sigh heavily then grit his teeth together.

"Dean?"

"Yeah Lay? What is it? What do you need?"

I pushed up off his chest with my left arm so that I could look him in the eye and said, "Dean I'm okay… I mean I'm feeling much better… I was just feeling slightly disoriented… Umm… So… Who was that naked guy that was in the room last night?"

Dean chuckled softly and took one of my hands in his and laced our fingers together replying, "He was an Angel… More specifically… He was a Cherub… But…"

"Cupid? That was Cupid?" I interrupted in disbelief.

He nodded smiling somewhat sadly. I pushed myself up onto my knees to place a soft kiss on his lips before draping my legs over his lap and hugging his side.

"And you guys know what did that to me? And you've cured me?" I asked as I pulled out his St. Hubert medallion and ran my thumb over it lovingly.

"Seems like it… On both counts…"

"So, what was it? What was wrong with me Dean?"

"Lay…" He started slowly as he squirmed slightly.

I ran my hand over his chest and started rubbing circles on it asserting, "Please Dean? I'm okay… Really… Please? Just tell me what it was."

"Lay? What do you remember about what happened to you?"

I sat back again and Dean's fingers briefly got caught in the ends of my hair while I sat back on the bed. As I crossed my legs, I folded my hands in my lap and sat up a little bit straighter while I tried to pull those memories to the forefront of my thoughts.

"I… I remember wanting… wanting to get back here as soon as possible just to see you… You know after I was discharged from the hospital. Then I saw you and… and I just couldn't wait to touch you… Then we kissed and I remember dragging you outside to the truck… But that's when things start to get a little hazy," I explained with my eyebrows knitted in a thought-filled scowl while I tried to evoke any memories from that period in time.

He placed his hands over mine and recounted, "After you and I… What did you call it before? 'Reconnected'…" He paused when I started to blush uncontrollably and refused to make eye contact with him. He then squeezed my hands, so I nodded and looked up into his compassion-filled eyes. "After… that… Well you got really sick. You ran a really high fever… Had the shakes… Had panic attacks…"

"Unless we were together," I finished with a tone of recognition. "Unless we were touching… I was terrified that you didn't need to be with me like I needed to be with you… That maybe you got used to life without me… That you were just humoring me once I got to back here to Bobby's…"

"Lay… I thought we already cleared all of that up… You know… after… after that night at 'Stubby's'?"

I smiled sadly, bit my lip then replied, "We did… But Dean… That's what I remember feeling. I know that it's totally irrational, so it just begs the question… Why? Why would I think that when I KNOW it's not true?"

Dean had a strange smile on his face, but he didn't make a move to answer the question that I had posed. I then picked up his left hand to kiss his wedding ring and added, "Dean… Really… I'm back… I'm back to being me, Addy Jones: Monster Hunter. I promise, I can handle it, honest. Please? Pretty please? I just really need to know what happened."

I braided the fingers of my left hand with those of his left hand and kissed his wedding band again without breaking our eye contact.

"You're sure?" He questioned again as I nodded and maintained a comfortable stare. "Okay…" He agreed as he unlatched his hand from mine then he held my hand to his heart explaining, "You and I… We… Apparently we share the same brand… On our… Umm… Our hearts."

I laughed nervously and burned bright pink under my spreading blush. Dean's eyes narrowed as he somewhat pointedly observed, "But you already knew that." I nodded slightly, but didn't speak for fear that I would start crying and Dean would then decide to put off telling me the whole truth behind what happened. "Well… That turned out to be the key to everything…"

"How?" I hoarsely asked before swallowing apprehensively.

"Your behavior… It reminded Sam of some of Famine's victims, so Bobby told him about everything you had disclosed to him before you left. Then they summoned Cupid and he confirmed all of their suspicions." The more Dean explained the truth to me, the more he sounded withdrawn and distant. I started to feel increasingly guilty, but managed to hold back any tears or sobs, so that he would keep talking. "The whole explanation is kind of convoluted, but the long and the short is that whatever Raphael did with his grace to make the baby grow faster also had an effect on the sigil on your heart. We don't know if he knew that it would or not, but my money's on him not caring."

"Okay… But why did it happen now? I've been away for over a month… Why didn't it happen then?"

Dean smiled a bit easier then replied, "We wondered that too and Cupid said it was because you weren't totally apart from me…"

"So that WAS the Impala I heard!" I interrupted accusatorily.

"What? No, not that Lay… I mean not like that… He said that since you were carrying our child, you were actually carrying a part of me with you while we were apart. Then after you had the baby… That's when you started to feel the full effects."

"Oh… Yeah that makes sense… So… Is…? Is the Cherub okay? Did he have to use his grace to reverse the effects?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject as my tears started to surface.

"Don't worry about that, he's fine. Apparently they can erase the markings from anyone's heart without harming the owner or themselves."

My eyes shot up to his face as I snatched my hands away from him. This caused us to lose any physical contact for the first time since Dean joined me in the room, but my shock kept me from noticing that.

"Oh… So… Oh… Okay… He fixed everything," I mumbled as I started to get up off the bed.

Dean reached over and halted my motion by grabbing my arm. I looked over my shoulder at him and shook my head silently pleading for him not to actually tell me that he had the Angel remove our marks. He didn't hesitate before he pulled me back onto the bed and cradled me in his lap. As soon as I started to struggle out of his hold, Dean lowered his lips to mine and terminated any of my objections with his kisses.

When he finally relented to take a breath, I pushed back gently against his shoulders softly protesting, "Dean… It's…"

"He didn't remove them… He just fixed yours," Dean whispered as he rested his forehead against mine.

I held onto his neck after he sat back and asked, "You mean that you could have… But you didn't…?"

Dean kissed me again then shrugged nonchalantly answering, "Hey, if God thinks we should be together, then who am I to argue?"

"You're siding with God again?" I teased weakly through my tears.

He hugged me closely then said, "Well He put us together, which gave us Toby… So He can't be a total douche, right?"

"Right." I remained on his lap with my legs crossed behind his back with my cheek on his shoulder until I whispered, "I'm sorry. I should have told you…" Before he could speak, I moved back onto his thighs and looked up at him and continued, "But… I just couldn't find… I didn't know how to tell you."

Dean spread his legs slightly so that I could sit on the bed between them. He then held my face and ran his thumb over my lips, but stayed silent.

"I shouldn't have held back any important information, Dean," I continued as I rolled my cheek out of his hold. "That's… that's not what a good hunter does. No matter what… No matter how painful the information might be… A good hunter doesn't hold anything back."

Dean cupped my chin in his hand and turned my face so that I was looking up at him as he asked, "Lay? What are you talking about?"

"That's what he always said… Full disclosure is the only way to make sure that no one gets hurt… To make sure that the job is done properly."

"He…? He who?"

"Sydney," I replied staring at my hands as they played with the hem of my t-shirt.

"Lay, don't… don't do that to yourself. Don't let his negativity get to you like that. Syd's gone… He's…"

"In Hell," I interrupted just barely over a whisper.

Dean wrapped his hands around my waist and placed them on the small of my back to try to pull me close asserting, "Don't say that. I'm sure that he's…"

"No, Dean he is," I cut in as I stood up off the bed. Dean watched me with a wary eye and sat back against the headboard. "There's something else that I didn't tell you."

He made himself more comfortable while I paced trying to find the words. "Take your time Lay. When you're ready, I'm here… I'm listening."

"When I was… Umm… There… I broke and I was going to step off the rack, but then I woke up and I was in the B&B with Raphael," I explained as I continued to nervously pace.

Dean kept his eyes trained on his hands as he said, "Not really one to judge that decision."

I stopped and turned to him apologetically adding, "Oh shit! Dean I wasn't… I didn't mean… Fuck! That wasn't what I was trying to tell you… The fact that I wanted to step off the rack isn't important… Umm… Who and how he got me to that point is what I want… What I need you to know."

I sat down on the bed beside him and we both shifted onto a hip so that we could more easily look at each other. I stared down at his left hand and choked on my own breath when I thought of the significance that band held for both of us.

"How who got you there?" Dean asked with a sad, rough tone.

For some reason we kept from touching while I tried to tell him everything. I knew that I had to get through this explanation, so I kept my hands to myself despite my desire to cling to him again.

"First things first… Umm… Do you remember that demon that… Umm… You know… Took me… Back before your meeting with Death?" I started twisting my left wrist in my right hand unconsciously even though the scars from the handcuffs the demon had held me with were healed by Castiel.

"Yeah Pacer or whatever his name was?"

I nodded then continued, "Yeah that's him… Well Crowley told me that he was Alastair's replacement in Hell…"

"Lay…"" Dean interrupted forlornly, grabbing my hands gently.

"Yeah… Well he only came up because of the rumors about Meg… But that's just the background…" I paused and took a deep breath while staring at our hands. "So apparently the way it works is that there's always someone in Hell that works at breaking souls… You had Alastair, Pacer was his replacement and… and…" Dean pulled me onto his lap as I started to breakdown, but I managed to keep from crying somehow. I had made a vow a long time ago that I wouldn't shed any tears for Sydney and I still wouldn't break that promise to myself because he still didn't deserve for me to give him any part of myself. "And Sydney took over for Pacer." I finished quietly while I held his St. Hubert medallion and stared at it intently.

"Oh my God… Really?" He replied stilling my hand that was playing with his pendant. "So it was Sydney that… that… It was…? He was the one that tortured you?"

I nodded then added," Yeah… And… Umm… That's not all…"

Dean reached up and started combing his fingers through my hair to soothe me gently asserting, "It's okay. You don't HAVE to tell me everything right now."

"No Dean, I'm good and you should know this… So… Alright… Uhh… You obviously know that Sydney wasn't overjoyed about my pregnancy…" I had to stop because the vivid image of Sydney snapping Toby's neck flashed in my mind's eye.

"Lay," Dean sighed as he pulled my head to his shoulder. "I think I get the picture. You really don't have to explain any further."

I took in a few deep, calming breaths then extracted myself from Dean's hold. "Yes, yes I do… If I don't get this out now, I might not be able to ever."

Dean sat up on the edge of the bed and let me start pacing again. "Okay… Okay… But just take your time, alright?"

After another deep breath, I took a step back, squared my shoulders then said, "He used Toby to get to me. I lost count of all the different ways that he brutalized my body to kill him in my womb and when that didn't work, he… he… he killed him a million different ways at the age he is now."

Dean stared at me in stunned silence as I continued to narrate, "Then he would tell me every day that if I didn't do what he wanted that he would come topside to kill Toby… For real… That's when I decided that I had to do anything… And I mean ANYTHING to get out of Hell. I was going to take over for Syd and become Crowley's go-to torturer… Or become a demon… Whatever I had to so that I could see Toby again in the flesh."

I took a couple more steps back until my back hit the wall. We avoided making eye contact and I finally allowed some of my tears of guilt to fall. Dean suddenly stood up and walked over in my direction until he was towering over me. I tried to shrink back, but Dean placed a strong hand on my upper back and another on my neck to keep me in my place and straightened my position.

He leaned in and kissed me, not yielding until I kissed him back. "Lay… It was Hell… You can't blame yourself for what you wanted to do to escape it… Plus… You didn't actually step off the rack, you only wanted to so you have nothing to feel guilty about… Understand?"

"That's only because Raphael pulled me out before I had the chance to," I tearfully reasoned.

"And now you're out and that's ALL that matters," he continued before kissing me again.

He pinned me against the wall so that I couldn't even attempt to get away. I felt nothing but relief after telling Dean everything that I had been keeping from him all of these months, so I just gave in. I slowly raised my leg up his thigh until it started to encircle his waist. Dean placed a firm grip on my buttocks to lift me off the ground so that my legs could properly wrap around his midsection.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he told me over and over as he nibbled at my neck.

Tears of relief overtook me, so Dean backed off with his embraces and carried me over to the bed. He made us as comfortable as he could so that he could allow me to cry. He encouraged me to let it all out and gently pet my hair and kissed my forehead while I did.

A knock at the door startled us and we froze in our place. I kept my face pressed to his chest as I tried to catch my breath while the door slowly opened.

"Hey… Sorry to interrupt," Sam said in a loud whisper. "Bobby wanted me to check to see if Addy had come to yet so that he could get some food into her."

I sat up and swiped my arm across my nose then choked out, "Yeah, I think I forgot to eat yesterday, didn't I?"

The two Winchesters exchanged uneasy looks so I dug my nails into the tender flesh near Dean's left elbow to ensure that I had his full attention. "How long was I out?" I asked in a low, infuriated tone to cover up for my show of vulnerability by weeping against his chest.

When Dean just looked over at Sam to have one of their patented 'silent conversations', I squeezed Dean's flesh slightly… Just enough that my nails threatened to break the sensitive skin that they were holding onto.

Dean hissed in a breath, trying not to show how much it really hurt then answered through clenched teeth, "Three days."

I instantly released his arm and turned my attention to Sam. Dean vigorously rubbed the skin of his arm in an attempt to rid his flesh of the small crescent moon marks as Sam sadly nodded in agreement.

This time when my hand grabbed for Dean it was only to keep myself from wavering too much. "Three days? I haven't eaten anything in three days?"

Dean took my hand in his with a worried eyes (he still thought that I was out to draw blood) then replied, "Yeah, you haven't, but Cupid told us that you needed to rest after everything your body had been through."

I smiled despite myself then humorously commented, "Damn… So this gnawing sensation in my stomach wasn't guilt? It was just hunger?"

The boys chuckled softly then Dean replied, "Maybe… But why don't we get some food into you so that we can find out?"

As I finished my second bacon cheeseburger and eagerly drained my third bottle of beer, the three men in the room watched with a nearly terrified look on each of their faces. I swallowed the last bit of liquid from that bottle and reached for my fourth. While I was popping the cap off, I finally looked up at all of them.

After a quiet burp, I sheepishly said, "Sorry guys, but seventy two hours with no food and nearly three months of being dry, can you blame a girl?"

They all issued an uncomfortable laugh then Dean said, "Well maybe not, but you might want to take a breath between burgers there Lay."

I swallowed the liquid that was in my mouth and playfully glared at Dean, but directed my commentary at Bobby, "So this 'Mother of All' bitch? Where are we with her?"

Sam snickered as Bobby stepped forward answering earnestly, "We don't have much, but we're still working on it Koala Bear."

"Okay… Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked as I pushed back from the table.

Dean sat beside me and took my hand in his to comfort me the best he could, or himself… Or both of us. Sam had an uncomfortable smile on his face as he tried to deflect attention, but Bobby… Bobby was able to continue without hesitation or uncertainty.

"Well we've pretty much tapped my library here Addy, but Sam thinks that maybe he has a lead on another resource… Any chance that Vicki stashed away anything that we don't know about or haven't read yet?"

I took another swig of my beer then thoughtfully replied, "Hmm… I think she put some of the old Wallace family journals away along with a select few books that I haven't had the heart to extract from the cellar."

Dean and Sam offered me a confused look while mumbling, "Wallace?"

Their reaction elicited an abnormally loud laugh with a snort from me before I said, "Yeah… Wallace… Now keep in mind that is was my Mum that was the hunter… Like yours…" I quirked an eyebrow and they both visibly backed off to mull that information over. " So… Yeah… I might have something of interest at home because there are probably some books and other stuff from the old country there."

Bobby smirked because he fully understood what I meant, but the Winchesters still seemed to be confused by this new information.

"WALLACE," Bobby repeated slowly. They both shrugged and frowned slightly as their response to the older hunter's prompt.

I chuckled and added, "Like William Wallace…"

Dean's eyes grew wide with excitement as he clarified, "You mean like 'Braveheart'?"

Bobby rolled his eyes as he cleared the table and I laughed heartedly and said, "Yes Dean, that William Wallace. He's my Great Great Great Something or another… Either way, he's an ancestor, so Mum had some heirlooms passed down to her." They all stared at me in a shocked silence, so I added, "What? I was never allowed to touch any of it as a kid and when I was old enough to be trusted with some of it, Mum just passed on her Grandparents' and parents' stuff… Then I had Toby and I really haven't been there much since then to have a chance to properly go through it all to take a proper stock of it all."

Bobby kissed the top of my head and replied, "Well at least we have one completely untapped resource. Sam… Why don't you and I go figure out the best route to the Campbell compound?"

Sam hesitated for a moment then followed Bobby out of the kitchen calling out, "Sure Bobby, sounds like a good plan."

I laughed then said, "Why do they keep ditching us like that?"

"Wish I knew Lay," Dean replied with a soft chuckle. "So… Will you need a hand at the house while going through the boxes in the cellar?"

I shook my head before answering, "If my memory serves right, there are only two maybe three boxes tops. Sam and Bobby will probably need your help weeding through the Campbell library more than I will with lifting boxes into a car."

"You think so?" He asked sounding thoroughly confused.

"From what I've… Umm… heard, it's a pretty big collection because they weren't ones to share. Mum used to routinely send out some of her texts to other hunters to help them and never really paid attention if they never sent them back… But the Campbells… Well they wouldn't even let non-family members touch their collection."

"So how do you know so much about this elusive collection then?" Dean inquired skeptically with a playful lithe to his tone.

"Umm… Well… Mark kind of bragged about it… He uhh… He let me see it from a distance once to umm… You know? Uhh to impress me and umm… Yeah…"

I was too embarrassed to make eye contact with Dean while I recounted that information to him. He gently squeezed my hands that were lying folded in my lap then cautiously asked, "Lay…?"

"I… I didn't know you were related to them… If… If I had of known then I probably… I mean I wouldn't have… Because you're related and all…" I awkwardly explained, still avoiding eye contact.

"Oh…? OH!" He quietly exclaimed. "Lay… We weren't together then, so you don't… You really don't have to apologize for that."

"Alright… Yeah, I know… But still… I am… Anyway… Like I said, it's a pretty impressive collection so you go with them. I'll just grab the boxes and bring them back here and we can go through them together, okay?"

He turned my chin up to face him and kissed me softly. "Okay… So long as you promise to say 'Hi' to Toby for me."

"Of course I will Dean, of course I will," I replied while being pulled into a warm hug.

Bobby allowed me to borrow one of his cars for the drive back to Kidder. I still hadn't mustered up the courage to tell any of them about how Sydney had tainted any good memories that I had had with the GTO my Poppy had gifted to me, so it took more than a little verbal maneuvering to convince them not to just drop me off so that I could drive it back. By the time I pulled up to my house, it was only early afternoon, so I decided to pack the boxes into the car before going over to the Connors' because I figured that Toby would still be at school so I might as well wait to visit.

After the boxes were secured in the trunk, I packed up Poppy's duffle bag with my usual arsenal and proper wardrobe for hunting before finally heading towards the Connors'. Their driveway was vacant, so I pulled in then check to make sure that there were no prying eyes before hurrying to their back door.

"Adelaide! Darling! It's so good to see you!" Maureen happily exclaimed as she pulled me into a very enthusiastic, tight hug. She then held my shoulders and pushed me back saying, "Now, let me take a good look at you."

I smiled sheepishly and turned in a full circle then she solemnly commented, "You are as beautiful as ever Adelaide, but… How are you doing? Since… since everything that happened, how have you been?"

I took her hands in mine answering, "I'm doing really well Maureen, I promise. Everything went according to plan… Actually in the end they went better than I had planned or could have hoped for." I pulled her close again then continued, "I'm fine Maureen, please don't worry, okay?"

She looked at me skeptically replying, "Darling I'm very glad to hear that, but I know there's something that you aren't telling me… However, that being said, I'm not going to push… Hard… When you're ready…"

I sat down with her at the kitchen table then I took a deep breath before explaining, "I can't hide anything from you, can I?" She patted my hands softly answering, "No you can't."

"Well… There was one small complication because of what Raphael did with his grace, but it only affected me, the baby was perfectly healthy. He or she is safe with their parents right now and then Bobby and the guys figured out everything that was happening to me and now I'm totally… well pretty much back to normal… rather as normal as I can get."

She held my hands then replied, "Adelaide… I'm so sorry to hear that you had some issues, but I know you were in good hands… Although if you ever want to talk about the details, I'm here to listen Darling."

"Those are two things in my life that I have never doubted, but everything is fine now… No reason to have you worry about it," I countered with a warm smile. I stole a glance at the clock on the stove then inquired, "Speaking of… Where's that over-protective son of ours? Shouldn't he have gotten home from school by now?"

"Oh, no you're right Adelaide, normally he would be home by now, but Tobias didn't go to school today. He came down with a pretty nasty cold, so he's been stuck in bed for the last couple of days. And before you start to worry, he double and triple checked, it is just a cold and it isn't anything else remotely supernatural. It's been passed to half of the students in his class."

"Oh geez… Really? I knew that I should have called sooner…"

Before I could say anything else, Maureen was coaxing me to stand saying, "No you shouldn't have. You had to take care of everything with yourself first. Now, Tobias will be so excited to see you, so why don't you head on in and see him?"

"Alright, if you insist Maureen," I conceded then placed a kiss on her cheek.

I stood in Toby's doorway and watched him sleep with his face towards the wall for a few minutes. I moved across his room's floor silently and sat on his bed while he continued to snore loudly through his mouth. Before sitting down on the bed, I pulled his comforter up over his bare shoulders then made myself comfortable beside him.

He rolled over to look at me, so I gently petted the back of his head to try to offer him some measure of comfort. "Hey Addy… You're home?"

"Just for a short visit to get supplies… Then I wanted to check on you when your Mom told me that you were feeling under the weather," I answered in a quiet, soothing tone.

"I've really missed you Mum," he sleepily said as he shifted over to put his head in my lap.

As he moved and talked, Toby started having a coughing fit, so I just rubbed his bare back to try to help him calm down his breathing. After he had somewhat caught his breath, I plucked a can of flat Ginger Ale from this side table and placed the straw to his lips. He took a couple of small sips then hoarsely whispered, "Thanks Mum."

"Hey Buddy? Do you think that you can roll over onto your back for me?" I leaned over and questioned softly into his ear.

Toby tried to nod, but that started another coughing fit, so he just rolled onto his back. He had his eyes squeezed shut with his hands covering his mouth, so he jumped a little with surprise when I touched his chest with cold Vick's VapoRub.

"Thanks Mum," he mumbled again.

I continued rubbing in the milky white salve as he tried taking in a few deep breaths. When I was done, I leaned down and kissed his forehead. Before I could start to get off the bed to let him sleep, Toby rolled onto his stomach again and his head hit my thigh a bit harder than I think he meant to. Thankfully he was so out of it that he didn't seem to notice at all.

"Careful Buddy," I commented with a chuckle as I resumed softly petting his head.

He was somewhat sound asleep as soon as his head hit my lap, so I listened to his snoring for a while before carefully extracting myself from his bed. I moved his pillow so his head was propped up and pulled his comforter over his shoulders and tucked it into his sides. I kissed his forehead again and only left because he had a faint smile on his face as he continued to sleep.

On my way back to the kitchen, I overheard Maureen speaking to someone. I hoped that that meant Bill was home because it felt like it had been forever and a day since I had seen him in person. As I got closer, I realized that I was only hearing one side of the conversation, so I could only assume that she was on the phone.

"…she's in with him now. He should be over the worst of it soon, so please don't worry too much Sweetheart," she was saying as I entered the room. "Oh… And her ears must have been burning because she just stepped into the kitchen."

Maureen held out the phone and after I claimed it with an uncertain look on my face. Once it was in my hands, she picked up a bowl of soup whispering, "Hopefully he'll be able to eat something now. I'll give you a moment alone."

Before I could respond, she had turned and walked out of the room. I placed the phone to my ear and hesitantly questioned, "Hello?"

" _Hey Lay…"_

"Dean! Oh hey! How'd it go at the Ye Old Campbell Compound?" I as with more enthusiasm now that I know with whom I was speaking.

" _Well you were right; the collection IS pretty impressive… And we were able to find a lead, but I'll tell you all about it when I see you back at Bobby's. But more importantly, how's Toby doing? Is it bad?"_

I laughed quietly then replied, "He's gross, phlegmy, sweaty and snores like a bulldog when he's sleeping. Seriously, boys are pretty disgusting, how did we ever make one?"

This elicited a pretty loud laugh from Dean so I continued more seriously, "He's not quite over the worst of it yet, but he should be soon."

" _Oh really? How do you know?"_

"Well he's still sleeping without a shirt on because he's sweating so much, he didn't bombard me with a million and one questions when he saw me and he takes direction without any commentary… All classic signs that Toby is still super sick," I explained somewhat jovially.

" _Oh… So he has telltale signs? I… I… I didn't know,"_ he answered sounding somewhat overwhelmed.

"Yeah he… Oh shit… Dean, I'm sorry, I keep… I forget… But yeah he does… He has since he was seven. Fuck, I'm sorry I thought you would have… I'm sorry."

" _Lay, it's alright. Really. So… We're going to be stuck here for a bit longer because we're only half-way there, but… You know… Kidder's on the way back to… to Bobby's so…"_

Dean started to trail off so I took the opportunity to jump in saying, "I'll be here for a few more days and I know that he would love to see you. So I know it would more than appreciated when you guys stop on your way through."

" _Okay good. I guess we'll see you then Lay."_


	16. But What I Wouldn't Give to See Your Face Again

"Bobby!" I called out, placing the first large box down in the hallway just inside the threshold of his house. When I got no reply after nearly a full minute, I tried again yelling, "Honey! I'm home!"

Bobby came out the study's doorway, book still in hand as he replied sarcastically, "Welcome home Pookey." When he saw the large cardboard box in the hallway, he looked over at me and scolded me sternly saying, "Adelaide… Why didn't you call me to come out to help you?"

"Umm… They're not that heavy?" I replied with exaggerated innocence and a nonchalant shrug. "Seriously Bobby, they're no big deal. But if it makes you feel better, you can carry in the one I left out on the porch while I go and grab my bags out of the car."

He was already moving the first box into the study as he called over his shoulder, "It would… Thank you very much."

I was still laughing to myself as I made my way down his front stairs because I had already predicted that that would be Bobby's exact reaction. He was too over-protective of all of us and I didn't want to fight with him because I really did need to do some heavy lifting or any other form of exercise. I hadn't really had a chance to use my muscles since Raphael had pulled me out of Hell and I sorely missed doing any kind of physical activity. Plus, if I really was going to help fight… Well anything, I needed to get back into shape, mentally and physically.

When I got back to the study's door, Bobby was already starting to unpack practically all of the contents of both of the boxes. I tried my best to suppress my laughter but I found it very difficult because at that moment he looked so much like Toby when my son eagerly opened any presents bought for him.

"I'm just going to take this upstairs…" I started but had to stop to maintain my composure. "Then I'll be right back down to help you unpack, okay?"

Bobby briefly waved a hand over his head, muttering a very distracted, "Uh huh."

When I got to the room that I had been sharing with Dean, I found a couple of large paper bags with the logo for 'Wally's Western World' on the bed. As I picked one up for a closer inspection, I couldn't help but cringe slightly. Dean and I had never had any troubles showing each other how we felt, at least not physically, but for a brief moment I worried that he may have wanted to do something, like role playing, to keep things exciting between us… Worse yet, he was falling back onto one of his childhood obsessions for inspiration.

The bag that I had picked up was empty, so I slowly reached for the other one, still not sure if I really wanted to see what I would find in it. To my surprise, there was only one single, dark grey Stetson to be found. I placed it on my head, but of course it was too large for me to wear, so I just left it on the bed and made my way back downstairs feeling even more perplexed about why Dean was suddenly dressing like a cowboy.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I called out with a playful tone, "So Bobby where are the guys? I saw the Impala outside… Oh… And why in God's name are you letting Dean near anything Western? I thought that I could trust you of all people!"

Bobby didn't answer me, so I almost yelled again for him, but then I heard him in the kitchen saying, "What the hell is going on? Cas?"

Castiel held his hand up, panting in labored breaths, to halt Bobby in his place. By the time I got to the kitchen, the angel had just completed an unfamiliar sigil with his blood on Bobby's fridge. Bobby quickly threw his hand up to cease my speech and movement and I obediently froze in my place.

While I stood in the doorway, Bobby tentatively approached the distraught angel asking, "Cas…? Are we running or fighting?"

Castiel struggled to get to his feet and took a step towards Bobby answering, "We're…"

After the angel had passed out in Bobby's arms, the hunter just muttered a loud and frustrated, "BALLS!"

When I didn't move to help, Bobby continued to struggle with the angel's weight then looked over to me and grunted out, "Feel free to help at any time."

"Yeah… Sure…" I replied distractedly as I snapped out of my daze and ran to his side.

As I braced my shoulder under Castiel's armpit to claim some of his weight, my hand landed hard onto his ribs on the right side of his chest. My grip slipped slightly when my palm hit his wound and contacted the blood that was oozing out of it. Instinctively, I ran my fingers along the cut to attempt to gauge its severity while we dragged his nearly lifeless body to the couch in Bobby's study.

"Shit… Bobby this feels pretty bad," I commented as I held up my hand that was now completely covered in blood to illustrate my point to him.

Bobby continued to help me lay Castiel on the couch then as I sat and placed the angel's head in my lap he instructed quickly, "Alright… You keep pressure on it then and I'll go grab the kit…"

My attention was solely focused on the pained look on Castiel's face and I couldn't seem to get any part of me to move, so Bobby shook my shoulder roughly more forcefully asking, "Addy? Did you hear me? I need you to try to stem the blood flow, understand?"

I quickly removed my over shirt, bunched it up and pressed it against the origin of the oozing blood. I could feel the older hunter watching me so I turned my watering eyes towards him and repentantly answered, "Yes Sir… I'll keep pressure on the wound… I'm… I'm sorry for the hesitation, Sir. It… It won't happen again, Sir."

Bobby scowled and was so taken aback by my response that he more tenderly gripped my shoulder as he worriedly asked, "Addy…? Koala Bear…? Are you okay?"

My eyes met his again and I smiled more easily s if I hadn't been replying to my father during a crisis and more easily asked, "Bobby? Oh… Hey… Hey, I've got this… Could you maybe grab us some supplies to stop the bleeding and get him cleaned up?"

He wasn't sure if I was in so much shock that my thought process had become disjointed or if there was something more serious going on with me, but Bobby decided to push those thoughts to the back burner for now. First we had to deal with the injured angel and then he would contemplate getting into whatever was happening with me. Castiel needed Bobby and me to focus, so he just gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before turning to leave the room. I watched him exit the study wondering why he had given me such a sad look when he normally remained beyond stoic during any of our times of need because I didn't remember the helpless commentary I had offered him prior to my request for supplies, but then Castiel wheezed in a breath and my mind refocused solely on him.

Before I could start to mentally analyze Bobby's facial expressions, I felt Castiel's blood soaking through the t-shirt that I was holding to his chest wound. I kept it pressed hard to the wound as I gave my own torso a long, lingering look. My Mum had taught me early on that every hunter should dress in layers just in case of occasions such as this, so I still had my long sleeve shirt on after peeling off my t-shirt. As much as I wanted to throw my blood soaked shirt to the ground and exchange it for what I was wearing, I really didn't want to traumatize Bobby any further by tending to Castiel's wounds while only wearing my bra, so I just sat there waiting for Bobby's return.

"How bad does it look?" Bobby asked once he rejoined us in the study.

I didn't reply straightaway because I had only been trying to stem the flow of blood, so I still wasn't completely sure how deeply Castiel was cut. I gingerly peeled away the soiled cloth and we both had to shield our eyes from the blinding white/blue light that escaped from Castiel's wounded flesh.

I quickly replaced the nearly useless shirt against his skin and tried to keep my voice calm as I replied, "Well I'm pretty sure that that can't mean anything good… Where are we on the supplies Bobby?"

He held up some gauze and tape looking slightly unsure and lost as he said, "Well… I have this."

Bobby started working at cleaning and patching up the wound as I refocused my eyes on Castiel's face. I plucked out a cold face cloth from a bowl that Bobby had brought in with him and started tracing the angel's hairline with it to clean away all of the sweat from his face desperately hoping that the pained expression on his face would soften.

I then immediately went into autopilot as we tended to the injured angel and I started quietly offering words of comfort almost absentmindedly. "We're here Cas… Don't worry… Bobby and I will take care of you… Everything is going to be okay… We've got you Cas… We've always got your back."

===============================================================================

"'Gank'? What's 'gank'? Mister, you're crazy… No way. You're on your own," the Deputy replied trying to stand his ground without looking overly convincing.

Dean would not be deterred by the other man's fearful demeanor and continued just as confidently, "I'm not asking you to throw down with him… I'm asking you to play your part."

"My part?" The real lawman asked sounding more and more confused.

Dean didn't waiver as he replied, "Yeah… Bait."

Dean then turned to leave the room while holding the Deputy's arm in a bruising grip, but stopped when he heard a whooshing sound of a skirt as a woman rushed down the hall away from the room.

"Hey… Hey! Stop!" Dean called out to her. "Umm… I'm the Sheriff! Stop!"

She hesitated as she stopped and then coyly looked over her shoulder at the two men. Dean's eyebrows tilted together on his forehead as he whispered in amazement, "You…"

The Deputy stepped out of his room and stole a glance over Dean's shoulder at the direction of the end of the hall. She had fully turned around to look at the men and the Deputy didn't hesitate to push Dean out of the way as he teasingly asked, "Victoria? Were you here to offer me some comfort and protection?"

The brunette took in a deep breath then flashed him a flawless, bewitching smile that threw Dean off a bit. He had been expecting to see the same disease ridden, gummy smile that he had been confronted with during his encounter with Darla in Elkin's saloon to prove to himself that he must be imagining things. Victoria stepped up to them with the same confidence as Darla, but Dean immediately noticed that she looked and smelled as clean as he and Sam did which made her look somewhat out of place.

She easily maneuvered around the hunter and seductively replied, "Why yes I was, Deputy… But now that the big, strong Sheriff is here to protect you, so I guess you don't really need me to…"

Victoria lightly petted the man's face as she spoke and he was rendered completely mute by her touch. Dean watched with bizarre fascination as the woman in the almost too tight, corset dress worked her magic on his bait. Dean still wasn't sure what her endgame was or why she hadn't tried to relay it to him, but he didn't protest because she seemed to convince the Deputy to follow the 'Sheriff' willingly with barely another word spoken.

The Deputy continued down the hall in a blissful daze, leaving Dean and his mystery woman alone. She then gave Dean the same knowing smile that she had flashed him back when she was trying to comfort a distraught and nearly hysterical Darla after Judge Mortimer's untimely death then gracefully turned to continue on her way.

Dean's hand shot out and after he had regained her undivided attention, he quietly questioned with severe conviction, "What are you doing here?"

She maintained a bright smile on her face while answering with cool confidence, "Why Sheriff… I was just here to offer your Deputy the pleasure of my company… That hasn't been outlawed, has it?"

Before he replied, Dean tightened his grip on her arm and pulled her closer to him. He didn't want to show her how vulnerable she could make him, but he sincerely hoped that if he broke character then she would as well.

"Lay… Lay…" He pleaded into her hair as he caressed the back of her head. "How…? How'd you convince him to send you here too? He said it was too risky… You shouldn't be here."

She quickly yanked her arm out of Deans grasp and tried to shrug him off, then without hiding her distain retorted, "I don't know who this 'Lay' woman is, but I got here all by my lonesome on my horse, Sheriff. Now… If have no other business to discuss…?"

He stared at her with stunned disbelief and released her with a sincere, "I'm sorry Ma'am… Yes, we're done…"

He couldn't muster up any other words as he watched her grip her skirt tightly in her left hand so that she could turn and walk with more ease. Even though she didn't look completely comfortable in her dress, Victoria moved too naturally in the outfit for her to be the woman Dean had mistaken her for. When she got a few feet away from him, she couldn't help but stop to throw him one last playful smile over her shoulder.

"Although… Sheriff… We should find each other… When this job is done and all…" She commented before rounding the corner and disappearing from view.

Dean was still mumbling in utter disbelief to himself when he met up with the Deputy outside. As they continued to the Sheriff's Office, the Deputy couldn't help but laugh before casually observing, "Yeah… She is a bit of a mystery."

"Yeah… Wait… Really? You know her?" The new Sheriff questioned, grabbing his bait's arm to stop him in their tracks. "Tell me everything that you know about her."

The Deputy swallowed uncomfortably then Dean took a step back and closed the iron, barred door. Once the lawman realized that he wasn't going anywhere now that he was locked in the cell, he hoped that by not resisting that he would be released that much sooner.

"She showed up here just after Finch and his wife came to town. Don't really know much about her except she makes friends with anyone she meets easily and… And she's a pistol in the sack…"

"She showed up before yesterday?" Dean inadvertently interrupted.

The Deputy nodded then Dean asked, "What's her name…? I mean her full name… First and last."

"Wallace… Victoria Wallace…"

Dean's mouth dropped open as he continued to stare at the man in the cell then he forced himself to regain his composure as he asked, "Wallace? Her name is Wallace?"

"Yeah… Why? Does that mean something to you 'Sheriff'?" The caged man asked the last part of his question with more than a hint of sarcasm when he called Dean 'Sheriff'.

"Maybe…" Dean contemplated as he turned and walked away from him. "Maybe she really wasn't Lay after all," Dean finished quietly to himself.

===============================================================================

"So Bobby…? Where are Dean and Sam exactly?" I asked as I exchanged the book I had been reading for another on the large pile beside my leg on the floor.

Bobby preoccupied himself for a moment by pouring himself a drink. After his glass was empty, it appeared that he had formulated a reply that he was satisfied with giving me. "They got a lead on something that we can use against Eve."

I placed my latest book on the arm rest of the couch and tried to keep the rest of my movements to a minimum while Castiel slept with his head in my lap. Bobby continued taking notes while I watched him in disbelief, so I cleared my throat loudly in the hopes that I could regain his attention with that small gesture. When that didn't seem to work, I picked up my pen and threw it, as hard as I could with my limited range of motion, and hit him square in the shoulder.

The hunter looked up and gave me a disapproving, almost fatherly, look so I in turn didn't attempt to mask my own annoyance at all as I said, "Please Bobby… Be a little more vague… Seriously, come on. Dean mentioned something about Phoenix ash… So… I'm guessing that the two of them not being here means that you boys figured out where to find one before I got back…"

"Well… Addy… Isn't not so much about 'where' to find one…" Bobby explained very evasively again. "It's more like… Umm… 'When'."

He then turned back to the book he was reading, knowing full well that his responses wouldn't come close to satisfying my curiosity. Bobby was also aware that my motherly instincts would be kicking into overdrive while I tried to comfort Castiel since he was injured so badly. He also knew that because of all of those reasons that I would contain my anger and refrain from starting a shouting match with him so that the injured angel could rest.

"BOBBY!" I finally cried out in hushed exasperation. "What the hell kind of an answer is that? Seriously! Come on!"

Bobby initially replied by pointing to Castiel then placing his forefinger to his lips. I glared at his attempts to reprimand me and to mind my tone because of the angel in the room… But I didn't get the chance to speak my mind to him because he abruptly stood up and handed me the journal he had been scribbling in so that I could read and entry he turned to… Even if he was covering up the majority of the page with his giant paws that he called hands.

At first all I could read was his inscription of: MARCH 5, 1861 SUNRISE, WYOMING: GUN KILLED A PHOENIX TODAY… LEFT A PILE OF SMOLDERING ASH. ~SAMUEL COLT

Before saying anything in response, I took the journal out of Bobby's hands so that I could read the page's inscriptions in full. At the top there was a simple title of "PHOENIX". That was then followed by a bulleted list of attributes and descriptions of the mythical creature that Bobby had found in the dusty volumes of his library and the vast collection that belonged to the Campbells. In the back of my mind I hoped that the books I brought from home would offer some information that he hadn't found yet. Then closer to the bottom, as usual, Bobby had transcribed some quotes from sources ranging from poetry to personal journals that referenced the title creature.

"Wyoming… 1861…" I read aloud again. "Bobby? Does this mean what I think I means? Are…? Are they…?"

Bobby nodded then held up a timer, but before I could question him further about its significance Castiel started to stir and moaned painfully. His eyes fluttered open and after he noticed that his head was being cradled in my lap, he tried to sit up quickly. I gently pushed his shoulder blades to help him to sit upright. I wanted to break down and cry with every move the angel made because at first all he could really do was just breathe loudly as he forced some air in and out of his lungs.

"Hey, hey… Take it easy Castiel," I implored softly while I tried to help into a more comfortable position.

"Cas, you… You look like you went twelve rounds with Truckasaurus. What happened?" Bobby casually asked as he sat on the edge of his desk so that he was in front of Castiel and me.

Castiel looked around the room as I maintained my death grip on his jacket to help him to stay somewhat upright while he answered, "I was… Uhh… I was betrayed. Rachel, uhh… Raphael… He corrupted her. She turned on me."

"Oh my… Cas, I'm so sorry," I replied remorsefully.

Bobby seemed less than impressed by either my empathy or Castiel's statement as he answered, "Sorry. Girl's a real… Peach."

"She's… Dead. I… Was wounded. I needed… Safety. Thank you," Castiel continued in an unnervingly calm tone.

He then gripped one of my thighs and very slowly tried to force his body to stand up. I immediately tugged on the back of his jacket to pull Castiel back to the couch while Bobby took a hold of his right shoulder in an effort to accomplish the same goal as myself.

"Castiel, you need to rest," I explained as I gently pushed him to force him to settle against the back of the couch. "You sit… Stay… I'll go and grab you a glass of water."

While I was in the kitchen, I could hear the muffled conversation that continued without me between the hunter and the angel, but both of them were speaking too quietly for me to hear the actual content of their discourse. As I ran the water down the drain of the sink to ensure it was cold enough to be palatable, I soon found myself lost in thought and stared at the blood that was staining Bobby's fridge. I reasoned to myself that the image must have been a sigil that warded off angels, demons or something like that, but it didn't resemble any symbol that I had been able to uncover over my years of researching Heaven, Hell and everything in-between.

When I returned to the study, the two men were so engrossed in their conversation that I was able to easily slip back onto the couch to sit beside Castiel without being noticed.

Cas was avoiding making eye contact with Bobby who was now standing in the middle of the room as the angel replied, "There is one thing that might work, but… It's extremely dangerous."

"Shocker," Bobby retorted with complete indifference. "So… Lay it on us."

"It's your soul," the angel explained while he still avoiding making eye contact with either of us until Bobby replied with an undeniable tone of sarcasm, "What do you want us to do? Make another deal? Seal it with a kiss?"

"Bobby!" I scolded from my spot on the couch. Bobby shrugged then continued to glare in our general direction. I then turned to the angel and gripped his hands as I politely asked, "Castiel… Please… What do you need to do with our souls?"

Castiel then turned to me and explained, "I need you…" He realized that we weren't alone in the room and turned to look up at Bobby saying, "I need one of you… To let me… Touch it."

"Touch it?" Bobby and I questioned in unison.

"The human soul… It's pure… Energy," Castiel described somewhat hesitantly. "If I can siphon some of it off, I… I might be able to bring Sam and Dean back."

When I heard the word 'might', I stared at Castiel wide-eyed then slowly turned my chin so that I was facing Bobby so I could silently ask, "What the fuck does that mean?"

Bobby seemingly ignored my reaction as he shifted our attention by calmly asking, "And the catch is…?"

Castiel's tone didn't change. He still sounded like someone trying to convince a stranger to sign over their life savings to them as he said, "Doing this is like… Putting your hand in a nuclear reactor. I have to do it gingerly."

"Or…?" Bobby and I implored once again in unison.

"Or you'll explode," Castiel concluded while turning to face away from both Bobby and myself.

I took in a deep breath with my eyes closed then tried to give him some level of reassurance by maintaining a comfortable hold on his hand before I looked into his guilt ridden eyes. I managed to give him a tight smile while we all sat in silence for the time being. I figured that we were each contemplating the ramifications of Castiel's proposal, but I instinctively couldn't allow us to hesitate too long because time was running out for Dean… And Sam right now.

"Well… Keep both hands on the wheel… Let's do this," Bobby announced to break the silence of the room before I could.

Without my consent, my head whipped around to face the man that now played the role of father figure to all of us as I retorted in a stunned tone, "Bobby… No… No…" I then turned back to Castiel and gripped his hands tightly in mine saying, "Cas… I'll do it… You can touch my soul."

Bobby grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him once again. "No Adelaide. You… You have your baby boy to watch out for right now… Cas… You and me… Let's go."

I stood up between the two of them and gripped Bobby's biceps tightly asserting desperately, "And Sam and Dean NEED you… We'd be lost without you…"

Before I could continue my protests, Castiel forced himself to stand up and quickly tapped my forehead with two fingers. Bobby was just barely able to catch me before I fell to the ground after I went completely limp in his arms.

"Well I guess that settles that," Bobby said with a relieved smile. We were close enough to the couch that all he had to do was leaned me back slightly to sit me down on it.

Castiel flopped onto the couch beside my unconscious body and almost absentmindedly replied, "Adelaide's soul… Wouldn't do…"

Bobby was pulling a chair over closer to the couch, but he stopped abruptly and asked, "What do you mean 'wouldn't do' Cas?"

The angel kept his eyes trained on me as he replied, "Everything that happened… The damage… That Adelaide's soul suffered in Hell… It still hasn't completely healed."

Bobby looked down at me, stroked my cheek and sadly said, "Balls…" Then he looked back over at Castiel with his jaw firmly clenched then instructed as he sat down on his chair, "Well one problem at a time. Let's get you healed, get those boys home and then I'll take care of fixing… I'll take care of Addy."

"Are you sure?" Castiel inquired with a somewhat worried tone.

Bobby just shrugged then said, "Well, we can't just strand those idjits in Deadwood, can we?"

Castiel started to roll up his sleeve, but still tried to give Booby the chance to back out stating, "The risks…"

"Just…" Bobby interrupted shaking his head and stealing another quick glance at me over his shoulder. "Don't explode me."

===============================================================================

"Sheriff…! Sheriff!" Victoria called out running to catch up to the Winchester brothers. "Sheriff! I heard gunshots. Are…? Are you okay?"

She held his arm in one hand and eyed him up and down, sporadically touching various spots on his chest and arms while she checked him for any type of injury. Sam watched her with his mouth hanging open, unable to speak even though a million questions were running through his mind. Dean caught her wandering hand and held it to her side to try to still her motion.

"Addy…?" Sam quietly muttered while staring at Dean in the hopes that his brother would explain what was happening in front of him right now.

Dean didn't answer his brother's silent questions and instead remained focused on the woman that had joined them. "I'm fine Victoria… But thank you for your concern… I almost didn't recognize you there for a minute…"

She slipped her hat off her head and let her dark hair tumble down and over her shoulders to the middle of her back. She then tapped her cowboy hat against her denim clad leg and shifted uncomfortably from one booted foot to another.

"Well… Dresses aren't just hard to move in… They make me kind of conspicuous most of the time," she explained, blushing slightly. "Okay… Well… Moving on…"

Sam shook his head, still not understanding what was happening. He then caught a quick glimpse at his watch so he addressed his brother saying, "Umm… Dean…? We kind of…"

"Right… Finch…" Dean finished for his brother.

"You know what he is," she stated in awe as she placed her hat back on her head without bothering to bundle her hair under it again to conceal that she wasn't a male. "And… You know how to kill him… I haven't been able to find anything helpful on that front."

Dean smiled with a hint of mischief in his eyes. He squeezed her arm reassuringly as he replied, "Don't worry… Finch is as good as dead."

Sam then turned to leave and Dean followed him to their previous path down the wooden sidewalk. The younger Winchester was a few strides ahead of his brother, so he didn't witness Victoria grabbing Dean's free hand to pull him back towards her.

She removed her hat with her other hand and dipped down under the brim of Dean's hat to place a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. "Good luck Sheriff. When you're done, drinks are on me… Just head over to the Saloon."

She then abruptly turned and headed in the direction of Elkin's Saloon, smiling somewhat smugly to herself. Dean stood in his spot, frozen in amazed disbelief. He had always joked that Addy had great taste in men that was proven by the fact that she had fallen for him, but he never would have thought that he could have teased her that it was actually a trait that could and would be passed down through the generations of her family.

"Ahem…" Sam announced while clearing his throat to bring Dean out of his thoughts. "If you're done making out with… Umm… Addy's clone… Time's running out," he said while tapping his index finger on the face of his watch.

Dean swiped his hand across his lips mumbling "Yeah… Right…" and then jogged to catch up with his brother. Suddenly Dean gripped Sam's forearm worriedly saying, "Sam… Promise me that you won't tell Lay about… Her…"

Sam stared at his brother, not really believing what he was hearing because Dean had actually sounded genuinely concerned. But then his brother surprised him yet again by quickly flashing Sam a cocky grin then saying, "Hey… It isn't my fault that it's embedded in the Wallace women's DNA to fall so desperately in love with me."

Sam groaned and then rolled his eyes before turning away saying, "Yeah, okay… Whatever you say Hot Shot… Let's just go and kill Finch already…"

===============================================================================

I woke up to a blinding light and instinctively threw my arm over my eyes to shield them from the glare. That was then followed by a quick high pitched noise before the room suddenly went completely still again. I tentatively moved my arm away from my face and was mildly surprised to find that Castiel was gone.

Bobby was slumped forward in his chair, so I shot up on the couch to try to comfort him despite a mild wave of nausea that hit me.

"Bobby? Bobby? Are you okay?" I called out, trying not to panic as I threw my arms around his neck.

Bobby raised a hand and patted my forearm hoarsely replying, "Fine… I'm fine."

I hugged him tightly and rested my cheek on the back of his shoulder. After sniffling in a breath I quietly said, "If you ever do anything that stupid…" I had to swallow my impending sob before I could more easily joke, "Remind me I owe you a swift ass kicking when you're better."

He tried to laugh but he immediately started to cough painfully. I gently patted his back and started to apologize but was silenced by the sight of Dean falling to his knees at Bobby's feet. I sat back in my spot on the couch and held my breath when I saw that Sam, Dean and Castiel had all returned to the room.

Sam was looking down at Dean, so I followed his gaze just in time to see Dean drop a glass bottle to the floor and close his eyes looking completely defeated. Although Castiel's wounds were completely healed now, he was still looking fairly pale and worse for the wear. Bobby started to try to stand, so Dean and I jumped to our feet and grabbed one of his arms. As we helped him to the chair behind his desk, Sam did the same for Castiel and helped him to the chair that Bobby had just vacated.

All of the men looked beyond exhausted, so I walked towards the kitchen offering, "Why don't I get us a round of drinks?"

Dean chuckled softly then called out, "Thanks Lay."

When I got into the kitchen, I quietly grumbled, "Oh come on guys" when I saw that the sink was filled to the brim with dirty dishes. I was pretty confident that there was little to no chance that I would find five clean glasses in the cupboard, so I quickly searched through the pile and pulled out all of the glasses that I could find.

As I washed them, I could just barely hear that the four men were talking. The one thing that I made out the clearest was Dean apologizing to Bobby. Hearing the frustrated sorrow in Dean's voice hit me hard and I felt like my knees were going to give out.

Before turning to face them again, I took a moment to force myself to keep a brave face. Dean was still in front of Castiel, fidgeting with his hat when I got back into the room. The air in the room felt heavy and the atmosphere was beyond grim and I wasn't sure if we could easily get over this latest loss in our ongoing battle.

"So… Who's thirsty?" I finally asked to break the tense silence in the room. After I placed the glasses on Bobby's desk, I reached for the bottle of whiskey. As I opened the bottle I looked up and noticed we were missing one of the herd. "Where's Sam?"

Dean barely lifted his head as he motioned with his hat to his left replying, "Knock at the door."

"Oh…"

As I poured the drinks Sam returned with a package in his hands. Dean finally moved from his spot to stand beside Sam and watched as his brother unwrapped a wooden box. I quickly abandoned the bottle to move to a spot beside Bobby so that I could get a better look.

We all watched in silence as Sam slid the lid off the box. First he lifted up a Blackberry cell phone with a cracked display. The Winchesters exchanged a look then Sam put it back in the box and continued to explore through the stuffing to find the other contents. He then snatched up a piece of paper and turned partially towards his brother as he read its contents aloud.

"Dear Sam, I got this address and date off your thingamajig and thought the enclosed might come in handy. Regards, Samuel Colt."

We all watched him in a stunned silence, but before any of us could attempt to verbalize a thought, Sam pulled a glass bottle out of the box. As he raised it up to look at what it was holding, Dean finally cracked a smile and felt myself shudder as I sight with relief.

"Is that what I think it is?" Bobby questioned for all of us.

Dean replied sounding much happier than he had before, "Ashes of the Phoenix." He paused for a moment then asked, "You know what this means?"

"Yeah, I didn't get a 'soulonoscopy' for nothing," Bobby answered with a slight hint of sarcasm.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and hugged him tightly. After I kissed his temple, I whispered his name as a gentle warning not to joke about the sacrifice he had made for all of us.

Dean maintained his composure and replied, "Yes… And… It means we take the fight to her."

We all exchanged looks of uncertainty then Dean placed his hat back on his head with a cocky flare. I couldn't help but roll my eyes because he looked like he was in fact enjoying his outfit a little too much.

I picked up a couple of the filled glasses and moved to pass them to the Winchesters saying, "I guess that makes this a celebratory round of drinks now."

We all raised our glasses then swallowed down their contents. I started to pour us each another round, but Castiel and Bobby waved me off with a quiet "No" and "No thanks".

Castiel looked up and abruptly said, "Congratulations… I need to…"

Before he completed his thought, the angel disappeared from the room. We all stared at each other and shrugged, and then we heard the sound of Bobby softly snoring.

I chuckled softly then sheepishly offered, "He's been through a lot… We should probably get him to bed so that he can rest properly."

Sam saw that I was going to try to move Bobby on my own, so he stepped forward saying, "I got him Addy."

Bobby started to wake up and muttered a few groggy words as Sam half dragged him out of the room. I watched them until they disappeared from view then turned my attention to the glasses that we had been using. I wasn't ready to talk to Dean yet about everything that had happened because I wasn't sure if I should punch him for doing something so risky or hug him because we were all so relieved that he and Sam had succeeded.

As I worked at tidying up Bobby's desk, I only stopped when Dean gently grabbed one of my wrists to still my motion. He pressed his chest against my back then buried his nose into my hair and took a deep breath to inhale my scent. I stood completely still as Dean ran his hands up my arms and brushed my hair off my shoulder so that he could kiss my neck. When I sighed, I felt him chuckle against my skin and then my eyes flew open.

I turned around in his arms and he leaned in to try to kiss me, but I dodged his attempt and his lips landed on my neck instead. Dean didn't let that distract him and he just continued to kiss and nibble my flesh.

"Dean…? Dean…?"

He stopped and relented slightly, but didn't take a step back after he had stopped. I couldn't really see his face so I sat up on Bobby's desk to try to put some space between us. He seemed to take the hint after that and took a tiny step back with a concerned look on his face.

I gently punched his shoulder then tried my best not to let my voice crack as I scolded him saying, "That has got to be one of the dumbest, riskiest, stupidest thing you have ever done…"

"I know Lay," he agreed as he cupped my cheek with one hand.

"What if Cas couldn't have brought you back? What if you were stuck there…? Then…? Whatever…?" I continued in the same annoyed tone.

"I know… I know… But he did and we aren't, so don't worry about it," he countered as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

I took off his hat and placed it behind me on the desk saying, "There! Now was that so hard to say?"

He started chuckling as I pushed his jacket off his shoulders. He unlatched his hand from my face to slip his arms out of the sleeves and let it fall to the ground with a dull thud. He stood and watched me with a bit of trepidation as I got distracted and started to trace my finger over the gold star badge on the left side of his chest.

"I think I get it now Dean," I commented somewhat absentmindedly.

"Lay?" Dean asked worriedly when I didn't continue speaking and just stared at his chest. "Hey… Hey… You get what?"

I forced my eyes to meet his and let a smile spread across my face as I replied, "I totally get it now… You look fucking hot as a cowboy."

He was momentarily stunned, so I tugged him forward by the lapels of his vest and kissed him hard. He had to plan his hands on the desk top to keep from knocking me over while he tried to match my pace. Once he was sure that we had regained our balance again, he tangled his fingers in my hair at the back of my head and deepened our embrace.

"Actually… I'm the Sheriff," he corrected me in a breathless, rough tone after he rested his forehead against mine.

I laughed softly then gently shoved him back, sarcastically retorting, "So sorry… My mistake… And no… I am NOT going to be calling you Sheriff."

Dean chuckled then leaned in and whispered, "But it sounds so sexy when you do."

He then kissed my jaw and continued his embraces until he reached my lips. I heard a floorboard creak in the hallway, so I quickly backed out of our kissing which threw Dean slightly off balance. He hadn't heard it, so he scowled a bit then moved in to kiss me again so I palmed his face and pushed him away as I called out, "Hey Sam!"

When my hand hit Dean's face, it took the kiss that I had dodged. Dean then demonstrated his irritation by licking my palm so I quickly retracted my hand from his face.

"Eww… Dean… Gross!" I groused as I rubbed my hand on the sleeve of Dean's shirt.

"Hey! Do you hear me complaining about you almost breaking my nose?" Dean countered with a cheeky grin.

He stepped beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders while Sam joined us, biting his lip to keep from laughing.

"Sorry to interrupt," he finally said once he was sure that he wouldn't laugh.

I hopped off the desk, shoved Dean a little too roughly, even though I meant it to be playful and then replied, "No worries Sam. I should be cleaning up, not indulging that one over there."

He couldn't help but chuckle when I jutted my chin in the direction of his brother who looked mildly wounded. Two of the glasses still had whiskey in them, so I passed one to each of the brothers and scooped up the three empty glasses before hurrying into the kitchen. They both followed me, bottle in hand, and took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Bobby looks horrible… What happened while we were gone?" Sam asked my back while I tackled the pile of dirty dishes.

I shrugged and kept on task while I tried to figure out if I should be blunt with them or not. After I had confessed practically everything that had happened in Hell to Dean, I had tried my best to maintain that honesty streak, so I decided now wasn't the best time to break it.

"An angel attacked Cas and he got hurt really badly," I started, thankful that I didn't have to see the looks on their faces when I heard their quiet reactions. "He almost wasn't able to get back to bring you guys home, so Bobby… He offered to help him heal."

I was finished the last dish by this time, so I just stared down at my hands in the soapy water. Every time something weird happened to us, I told myself that that was it, that nothing more bizarre than that could happen. Then the Winchesters went back in time to kill a Phoenix while an angel groped Bobby's soul to heal a potentially fatal wound. We barely ever got a chance to react to anything that confronted us before the next thing blindsided us. At moments like this I easily got lost in my own thoughts as I tried to put everything into perspective.

"How? What'd Bobby do to help?" Dean repeated over and over until I turned around.

He handed me his filled glass as I sat down with them at the table. I took it gratefully and swallowed the liquid in one gulp.

"Cas… He did something to… to… Sap some of the power or something from Bobby's soul…" I quickly raised the glass back to my lips as they stared at me in a stunned silence. "Considering what he's been through, I don't think Bobby looks all that bad," I tried to joke to get us to finish with this topic.

"Wow… Shit…" They both whispered in unison.

I filled the glass and passed it to Dean then squeezed his leg asking, "So… How was Wyoming? Was the Wild Wild West everything you dreamed that it would be?"

Sam choked slightly on his drink and Dean just clenched his jaw trying not to react.

I nodded towards Sam chuckling as I said, "I'll take that as a no." Then I turned to Dean, held his hand and continued in a loving tone, "And I'll take that as you not wanting to elaborate… It's okay…"

The corners of Dean's lips pulled back into a small grin as he whispered, "Thanks Lay."

We all sat there silently and avoided meeting each other's eyes. None of us knew what to say now that their trip appeared to be an untouchable topic. They both looked beyond worn out, but neither of them made a move to head to their rooms.

I twisted the cap on the bottle and picked up the two glasses telling them, "Well it's late and you boys must be tired from traveling 150 years, give or take… You should head up and get some rest too."

Sam smile then answered through a yawn, "Yeah, I think you're right. Good night guys."

Dean met me over at the sink to make sure that I wasn't going to start a second load of dishes. He kissed my cheek and then took my hand to lead me out of the room saying, "You must be tired too… Come on, bed time."

I slipped my hand out of his grasp then wrapped my arm around his waist. "Yeah… You're right…Taking care of you guys absolutely exhausts me."

He finally seemed to relax a bit by the time we made it to the bedroom, so I figured that I wouldn't incur too much of his wrath if I attempted teasing him right now.

"So… It couldn't have really been that bad there…"

Dean finished hanging up his vest then turned and quirked an eyebrow as a silent response.

"What?" I continued with mock innocence as I brushed my hair. "All I meant was that you got to make out with my Great Great Grandmother and all… That couldn't have sucked."

My comment caught Dean so off guard that he actually dropped his boot on the floor. I ran my fingers through his hair trying to soothe away the guilt ridden look on his face once I was standing in front of him. He slowly released his death grip on the mattress he was sitting on and place a tentative hand on each of my hip bones.

"How…? How'd you know?"

I gently massaged his scalp as I explained, "Bobby and I found all of my family's journals… Going back for I don't even know how many generations… Great Great Grandma Victoria wrote about you in hers…"

"Really?" He pulled me closer and slipped his hands into my back pockets. "And what'd she have to say about me?"

I kneeled over his lap, kissed him a couple of times then replied, "Maybe if you're really nice to me, I'll let you read it for yourself."

Dean laid back on the bed then pulled me down on top of him. I giggled softly against his lips and he squeezed his arms around me to make sure that I stayed as close to him as possible. Then he rolled us over and pushed up on the mattress to look down at me.

After he placed his lips beside my ear, he whispered, "I'm going to be so unbelievably 'nice' to you that you'll want to read that journal to me as a bedtime story."

Dean then went back to covering my neck with warm kisses to force me to relax even more. Once his mouth reached mine, I stretched my left hand out and struggled slightly to grab something that was on the bed. I tried to keep him from noticing, but that prove to be too difficult and Dean sat back with a perplexed look on his face.

Before he could question me, I held up the Stetson I was finally able to grasp and said, "I forgot to mention… You have to do it with the hat on."


	17. Springtime in the City

" _ **Okay, I was under the impression that when a creature fed off someone's sexual energy that they were the one that was… Umm… Doing the deed with the victim," I commented, putting the notebook I had been skimming through down on a table with the rest of John's research.**_

_**He didn't even look up from cleaning his gun to answer, "Usually that's how it works. My best guess is that by catching the couples together he can get his fill that much faster."** _

" _ **Huh… Makes sense… So did you figure out where he finds them?"**_

" _ **Kits Pub," he replied simply.**_

" _ **Really? How'd you figure that out?" I questioned without trying to hide my amazement.**_

_**John turned his eyes up to me and looked like he was going to brush me off so I added, "Well they were all killed at home, so… Oh come on John, you know I'm still learning how to figure all this stuff out… Now that I've been working on my own and all… Please?"** _

_**He put his pistol down and gave me a quick sad look then said, "Credit card receipts."** _

_**I almost asked him how he got his hands on those, but I didn't want to press my luck. John had been gracious enough to let me work a few cases with him after my Mum had passed away, but I knew that if I annoyed him too much that he wouldn't hesitate to ditch me. Most mornings I half expected to knock on his door and not have him answer.** _

" _ **And you have lead rounds?" I asked instead.**_

" _ **Yes Addy I do," John replied sounding mildly offended that I would suggest that he might not be prepared.**_

" _ **Okay… I have extra rounds if you need them… So I'll go change then meet you at your truck in… fifteen?"**_

_**As I walked out of the room he gruffly called out, "Ten or I'm going alone."** _

_**After getting changed in just a little over five minutes, I waited for John beside his truck. I couldn't resist teasing him by crossing my arms over my chest and tapping my foot as if I was getting impatient.** _

_**But John being John, he stole my thunder by pointing to my feet and saying with a disapproving tone, "Those can't be easy to fight in."** _

_**I looked down at my four inch heeled boots and shrugged answering, "They don't affect my trigger finger or my aim."** _

_**In all honesty, I figured that I wasn't really going to get to fight because John had taken over with every single monster we faced up until now. I was most likely here to be bait, so I was going to be the best bait that John had ever worked with on a job. He hastily explained his plan of action and I wasn't surprised that he mostly used the term 'I' instead of 'Us' or 'We'.** _

_**After John was parked, he got out of his truck and surveyed the parking lot with a keen eye. I suddenly started feeling butterflies in my stomach, but I told myself that I really needed to calm down. My plan was as good as his, so I knew that I shouldn't be embarrassed as I took off my jacket and threw it behind my seat.** _

" _ **What the hell is that?" John asked angrily when he got to the passenger's side of his truck.**_

_**I closed my door, double checked that it was secured then turned around slowly before calmly replying, "Sorry, I forgot you raised two boys… This is a halter top… This is a mini skirt and these are commonly known as thigh highs… they're boots."** _

_**John's neck started to turn red as he clenched his jaw so I dropped my sarcastic tone to tell him my reasoning. "I figured that it would help to flush him out so that you could kill him."** _

_**John shook his head then passed me his jacket without saying anything else. I quickly took it from him and put it on before he could instruct me to, hoping that he would take my actions as a peace offering. He in turn gave me a brief, tight-lipped smile then hurried to the direction of the bar.** _

_**After I had made myself comfortable with him at the table, John made sure to give me another disapproving glare before continuing the evening more civilly. We spent the rest of the night in our spots and didn't have to order any drinks because our waitress returned with a fresh round of drinks courtesy of the random men in the bar whenever John and I were finishing our drinks.** _

_**John shifted closer to me with every beer sent our way until he had a protective arm wrapped around my shoulders.** _

" _ **Okay Addy, time to go," John ordered quietly into my ear. "He's not here."**_

" _ **Then shouldn't we wait a bit longer?"**_

" _ **No we shouldn't. Now put my jacket on and let's go."**_

_**Even though we had no bill to pay, John still pulled out his wallet and left a tip. I stayed in my seat and glared at him defiantly until he barked a sharp, "Adelaide now!"** _

_**I tried to remain calm and collected as I slipped his jacket on slowly.** _

" _ **You're not leaving already, are you Beautiful?" A male voice slurred behind me.**_

_**John yanked my arm and I stumbled a couple of steps until I was hidden behind him. "Yes she is… Do you have a problem with that?"** _

_**The guy backed off immediately then John gripped my arm tightly and partially dragged me out the door. He was so incensed that he didn't pay attention to the fact that I was having difficulties keeping up with him. At first I wanted to apologize to him, but when I almost tripped and fell for the third time, I felt my own anger bubble over so I slipped out of his jacket so I could walk at my own pace.** _

_**He stopped the instant he saw his empty jacket hanging in his fist and commanded, "Addy put this back on!"** _

" _ **No!" I nearly shouted as I stomped past him.**_

" _ **Addy I won't ask again…"**_

" _ **Ask? Ask? That sounded more like an order to me John… And last time I checked, I was an adult…"**_

" _ **Well you might be of age, but that doesn't change the fact that you need to cover up," he interrupted with a little less anger in his tone. "The way that they were looking at you…"**_

_**He reached out to grab my arm as I angrily replied, "Just because they're looking doesn't mean they get to fuck me!"** _

" _ **You sure about that? What if they got a few more drinks into you?"**_

_**His comment angered me so much that I swung my free arm and tried to punch him, but he easily grabbed my wrist with his other hand after dropping his jacket. I stared up at him hyperventilating so hard that my chest bumped his a couple of times. Neither of us spoke for a minute, but John's grip tightened slightly with each breath.** _

_**Once both of our breathing had calmed down a bit, John looked like he was finally going to say something about what had happened. He opened his mouth to speak, but I leaned up and kissed him before he could utter a sound.** _

_**He quickly released my wrists to take hold of my shoulders to push me away.** _

" _ **He's behind you," I breathlessly explained.**_

" _ **What?"**_

" _ **Creepy dude with green glowing eyes… He's by the bushes."**_

_**John hugged me close so that it would be easier for him to talk without being obvious. "Is he in range?"** _

" _ **No… He's partially hidden by the bush… But I have a plan."**_

" _ **Lay it on me…"**_

_**I leaned back and caressed his cheek lovingly as I said, "He has to touch us to feed… Throw me up against the wall… Make it look like we're… You know…"** _

" _ **No… Addy…" John replied wide-eyed.**_

" _ **You don't have to actually kiss me… Just make it look like you are…"**_

_**John shook his head vigorously, so I huffed an annoyed "Fine" then turned to walk away.** _

_**After taking two steps, John grabbed my arm again. He spun me around then lifted me a couple inches off the ground and pinned me against the wall of the building behind me.** _

" _ **This better work," he cautioned as he buried his nose in my neck.**_

_**I threw my head back to check if our monster had fallen for this act then smiled as I reported, "Already is."** _

_**He tried to lift me off the ground to make the charade look more realistic, but I stood my ground. "Addy…?" He questioned quietly when he felt me slip my hands under his shirt.** _

_**I snatched out his pistol from the holster in the small of his back. He didn't have time to react before I shoved him aside and leveled it to take my shot. Our target was so shocked by what was happening that he froze in his spot and I easily hit him with three bullets, reducing him into a pile of men's clothing.** _

_**John watched in a stunned silence and was still just staring at me as I smiled and handed him his hand gun saying, "I like the ones that don't leave a corpse."** _

_**After we were back in his truck, John finally cracked a smile then said, "Good shot."** _

_**It was the closest thing to a compliment that John had offered me in a while and it surprised me so much that I was only able to whisper a quiet, "Thanks."** _

" _ **Now let's get you out of those clothes."**_

_**We both froze and stared out the window when John's statement hit our ears. "What I meant was… Umm… Get you changed into something… you know… more appropriate."** _

_**I shrugged then looked over at him and quietly said, "There are a lot of fun ways we could get me out of this outfit."** _

_**I slid over the seat and when I touched his thigh, he objected saying, "Addy no… No… I'm old enough to be your father."** _

" _ **So? I've been with guys older than you John… Age doesn't bother me," I replied as I straddled his lap and leaned in to kiss his neck.**_

" _ **Addy… We can't," he tried again as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white.**_

" _ **Why not? Give me one good reason why we can't," I countered sitting back so I could start unbuttoning his shirt.**_

" _ **There's Dean," he answered slowly.**_

_**I shrugged then tugged on the knot at the back of my neck and let my halter top fall away saying, "Ancient history."** _

_**He tried to look anywhere but my naked torso so I then attempted to find his hands behind my back to force him to touch my flesh as he continued to protest, "No… Addy… We need to stop."** _

" _ **Why…?" He had his eyes closed tightly, so I whispered into his ear as I continued to nip at his neck. "Okay… I'll stop if you give me one good reason, just one."**_

_**John finally released his death grip on the steering wheel and ran his hands over my naked back. I didn't notice that he had pulled my shirt back up and retied the knot before gripping my shoulders and giving them a gentle shove because I had kept my attention focused solely on embracing his neck.** _

" _ **We shouldn't…" He started slowly trying to keep me back by pushing on my shoulders. "We can't… because you're the mother of my grandchild."**_

_**I sat back straighter then slowly crawled back to my seat. I stared out the window to my right blankly with my mind completely devoid of thought. John watched me then started to worry about me because I was being too quiet.** _

_**He tentatively reached over and touched my shoulder saying, "Addy…? Darling… Don't…"** _

_**Before he could finish, my right hand clenched into a tight fist and I turned and landed a hard punch right on his nose shouting, "Fuck you John!"** _

_**His eyes started to water immediately, but by the time he lowered his hands, I was already halfway back to the Pub's entrance. He sat and watched as I made my way down the path, trying to decide what he wanted to do next. His first instinct was to leave and let me fend for myself, but thankfully his protective instinct took over.** _

_**I had finally told him about the reason why I no longer worked with Sydney once night when we got drunk together weeks before working this job together. After that night, he started to treat me differently. He would allow me to get away with talking back to him, but after I realized that, I tried to keep from taking advantage of his leniency. So now he just sat and watched the door, hoping that I would come to my senses quickly.** _

_**After only twenty minutes, I stepped out into the pouring rain. "Great," I grumbled to myself as I sat down on the bottom step. I figured that John would have most likely left, so I started to unzip my boots to take them off so I could make my long, wet trek back to the motel.** _

_**I got them off and looked up quickly when I felt someone wrap their jacket around my shoulders. John then silently helped me to my feet, picked up my boots and then led me to his truck.** _

" _ **My wallet's in my jacket and I left it in here so I couldn't call a cab," I explained calmly, pulling his jacket tighter around my body, trying to warm up. "I tried picking up a couple of guys to take me home because my boots aren't really practical for walking… But none of them would go home with me…. You scared the shit out of them… So… I just… I…"**_

_**I started to break down into choking sobs, so I had to stop my explanation there. John parked the truck then turned towards me and gently touched my shoulder.** _

" _ **I'm so sorry John… I shouldn't have… But you're wrong… I don't deserve to be called a mother," I struggled to say through my tears.**_

" _ **Addy…? What are you talking about?"**_

" _ **I'm… I'm worse than Sydney…"**_

_**He slid over and pulled me into a hug. "I… I just gave him up… I never actually wanted him… So I just gave him away… At least Sydney kept me…"** _

" _ **Oh Addy… You were so young… It's okay if you weren't ready to raise your son," John lovingly said as he ran his hands up and down my back to try to comfort me.**_

" _ **No… No… I'm horrible… I… I even went to an abortion clinic, but I… I chickened out… I didn't even look at him before the nuns put him in Maureen's arms… I'm too horrible of a person to be worthy of being called his mother…"**_

" _ **Shh… Addy don't say that…"**_

" _ **No… It's true John," I argued as I pushed out of his embrace to look him in the eye.**_

_**John held my face and ran his thumbs over my cheeks then teasingly asked, "Then whose picture is in your wallet that you carry around with you everywhere you go?"** _

_**I diverted my gaze, too embarrassed to maintain eye contact. "You made sure that he would be raised by loving parents… And from what I understand, you've been watching out for him since day one."** _

" _ **Yeah…" I sheepishly agreed while drying my cheeks on the jacket's sleeves as my breathing evened out. "That's true…" I then looked up at him and held his hands before trying to continue, "I am SO so sorry John. I shouldn't have… I was totally out of line… I shouldn't have…"**_

" _ **Hey… It's already forgotten."**_

_**The next morning I woke up and checked for John's truck in the parking lot before doing anything else. To my relief, it was still there so I hurried out to buy us breakfast.** _

_**At his room, I shifted nervously from one foot to another hoping that he would open the door. When he answered the door, he was deep in conversation with someone on the phone. He barely paused as he grabbed one of the coffees I was holding and nodded for me to step inside, much like he had most mornings when he was trying to find another job.** _

_**John had already packed up most of his research, so I figured he was talking with one of his contacts about another job. While I waited for him I sat down at the small table and looked over the few articles that he had left out.** _

" _ **Thanks for the coffee Addy," he called out as he hastily finished packing his bag.**_

" _ **No problem… So you're heading to Illinois?"**_

_**He didn't stop packing as he answered, "Nope, I just got off the phone with Jim… He has a lead… That's for Sam and Dean."** _

_**I knew that every job John worked was only a minor detour from or some kind of stepping stone in his quest to find his wife's killer, so he didn't have to elaborate what he meant by 'lead'. I wasn't sure if I could question him any further on that point, so I just kept any more inquiries to myself, for now.** _

" _ **I just have to figure out how to get the information to them," he commented mostly just to himself.**_

" _ **Why don't you just call…? Them?" I inadvertently blurted out before I could stop myself.**_

_**He shook his head and answered more politely than I had thought that he would, "Nope… They've gotten too close too many times… I can't chance it."** _

_**I scowled, but kept my internal commentary to myself. If John wanted to avoid running into his son, I couldn't admonish him for it because then I would just sound like a total hypocrite.** _

" _ **Just text them the information then," I offered nonchalantly with a shrug. John stared at me blankly, so I chuckled and pulled out my phone saying, "Rockford, Illinois, right? What's his number?"**_

" _ **No…" He replied slowly while sitting down with me. Before I could argue with him, John explained, "Send them the coordinates, 42, -89… That way they'll know it's from me."**_

_**I once again just shrugged, I had learned long ago not to pay too much attention to John's idiosyncrasies because he would never explain or change them. I then inputted all of the data from John's phone then sent his message. I didn't want to have any temptations, so I deleted the message from my sent folder right away so that Dean's number would be permanently erased from my phone.** _

" _ **Thanks Addy… That should do the trick."**_

_**I got up to leave, squeezed his shoulder and replied, "My pleasure… You know I'm happy to help when I can… Plus I owe you…"** _

_**He gripped my wrist gently while interrupting with a very serious tone, "I told you that's been forgotten… No more apologizing."** _

_**I nodded then whispered, "Yes sir."** _

" _ **So where are you heading from here Addy?"**_

_**I gave him a bit of a cheeky grin then replied, "I think I should head home for a bit… I haven't really visited them for almost a month now, so I'm a little overdue… Then I'll see what I can find from there."** _

_**John once again squeezed my hand then said, "If Bobby and I find anything near Iowa, we'll send it your way."** _

_**He then walked me to the door, gave me a quick hug and kiss on the head then said, "You take care of yourself Addy… I'll see you soon."** _

"What about you? Have you found anything?" Castiel asked from his seat to the right of Dean in the Impala.

"No, nothing yet," Dean answered checking the angel's reaction cautiously out of the corner of his eye.

Castiel quickly checked over his shoulder, but didn't notice me sleeping under Dean's jacket in the back seat as he asked, "Where's Sam? And Addy?"

"He's keeping busy. He's tracking a Djinn in Omaha as we speak. In fact, we're heading out there right now to meet up with him."

The angel didn't seem to listen and stumbled slightly as he answered, "Well… I'd come if I could…"

"Yeah, no I… I get it. No worries. But…? Cas…?" Dean asked with a calm, somewhat concerned tone, "You'll call, right? If you get into real trouble?"

Castiel didn't reply out loud, he just nodded slightly before he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. Dean hung his head slightly then turned his eyes back to the road. I finally sat up and stretched before reaching to crawl over the seat beside him.

He cleared his throat to caution me about this course of action, so after I was in my seat, I leaned over to kiss his cheek before saying, "Shoes were off, so the leather is safe from unnecessary wear and tear."

Dean glared at me playfully out the corner of his eye replying, "Good to hear."

"So Cas popped in, eh? Did he buy our story?" I asked as I put my boots back on.

"Seemed to," he answered dejectedly. He didn't seem to want to chat much more, so I turned up the radio and turned to watch the scenery pass.

When Dean and I got back to Bobby's, Sam and Bobby were in the middle of their painful interrogation of their latest catch in an attempt to try to track down Crowley. Dean gave Sam a brief low down of everything that had happened while we were away, followed up by a summary of his brief conversation with Castiel.

I cringed overtly a few times after hearing the demon screaming in agony, so Dean squeezed my hand then whispered, "You okay?"

"Yeah… Fine…" I lied as I shivered slightly. "I'm… I'm just going to unpack the car."

As I stepped out of the house, I overheard Bobby try to keep them on track as he asked, "So what'd you tell him?"

Dean had already carried in our bags, but he didn't bust me for lying to him because I hadn't pushed him to talk in the car so he was going to let me have some time with my thoughts as well. I ended up just sitting on Bobby's backstairs and stared out over the junkyard while I tried to collect and categorize my thoughts. I knew that I would be rusty once I started getting back into the game, but right now I was feeling completely useless and was just about ready to give up.

" _Well, so much for your Plan B," Eve said to the Winchesters while motioning with her head over her shoulder to Castiel, Bobby and I. She then walked over to the angel and said, "And you… Wondering why so flaccid? I'm older than you Castiel. I know what makes angels tick. Long as I'm around, consider yourself unplugged."_

_The angel just stared at her with a confused look on his face so she turned and scoffed loudly when she reached me. "And you…" She started while gently stroking my hair until the monster that was holding me backed off to allow her full access to me. "You… How dare you come near me?"_

_Eve didn't wait for my reply and twisted a handful of my hair. I cried out in pain while falling to my knees. "You are so vile… You don't deserve to be in my presence."_

_I whimpered under the vise-like pressure Eve exerted onto my scalp. I couldn't find the strength to speak as she pulled my head back by my hair so everyone could see my tear streaked face._

" _You cry… And for what? Did you cry for your babies before you abandoned them and just handed them off? Before you let your sons be raised by strangers? Discarded them like trash so that would never know true mother's love?"_

" _No…" I muttered tearfully. "No… I didn't… They're… they're loved."_

" _Yeah, you keep telling yourself that," she replied with pure disdain as she threw my head to the side, causing to me to land on my hands and knees as I sobbed. "Get her out of my sight."_

"Hey… How are you holding up?"

Dean sat down on the top step with me and squeezed my knee so that I would look over at him. "You aren't still worrying about what Eve said to you are you?"

I rested my head on his shoulder, sighed loudly and somewhat sarcastically answered, "No… Not at all… Would I do a thing like that?"

"Hey, she only said that to you to mess with your head. We all know that she's full of shit Lay… You made sure that they would be raised by people who love them and you've watched out for Toby since day one… You didn't abandon them."

I laughed softly in his arms so he kissed my head and worriedly asked into my hair, "You sure you're okay?"

After squeezing his torso I sat back to look him in the eye and honestly answered by shaking my head. "No… But I will be… And… Just now you kind of reminded me of someone."

"Oh yeah? Someone who's an amazingly good looking genius, right?"

"Dean," I gently scolded him as I pinched his side. "But yeah… He was a pretty smart guy."

"And… Is he anyone that I might know?" He questioned as he hugged me close again.

I nodded against his chest. "Yeah… He was…" I molded myself closer to his body then continued, "Dean… You reminded me of John… Umm… Your dad. He… he basically gave me the same pep talk once."

I felt him go rigid in my arms, so I sat back and kissed him gently on the lips to reassure him then tucked myself into his side once I felt him relax again.

===============================================================================

Getting into the shed was easy… I figured that it would be or else Bobby and the Winchesters wouldn't have let me go alone. The hardest part about searching the small building was that the light switch was inconveniently placed in the middle of the wall a few feet down from the door. Once I had the light on, I took in the sight of the room and stared in confused shock.

"What the hell?" I muttered as I stared at the empty room.

The walls were snow white and looked like they had just been freshly plastered. The concrete floor was so perfectly clean that it almost looked like perfectly polished marble. In the center of the room there was a drain and the floor sloped in such a way that any liquid would immediately flow down to the drain. There was a strange musty odor in the room that didn't seem to be fitting for a room this pristine, so I knelt down by the drain because it seemed like the mostly likely source of the smell.

As soon as my nose got within a few inches of the drain, I had my suspicions confirmed. I instinctively looked around the room for something that I could use to put down the drain to check if something else was down there that could be emitting the foul odor. But then I just shook my head at myself because I was reminded that the room was empty, so I ran out to the house to tell the guys what I had found.

Bobby appeared to be in pain and was looking somewhat at a loss to figure out what was happening while Dean wiped away some blood dripping from his mouth. I approached the four men slowly after I stepped over one lifeless body on the floor. They were all deep in conversation, so I joined them silently while I tried to listen to what was being said.

"You know… You could have asked me," Castiel retorted with more than mild annoyance in his voice.

Dean gave him a sincere apologetic look as he remorsefully replied, "And we should have. We never should have doubted you. It's… I just hope you can forgive us."

Castiel smiled then replied, "It's forgotten."

"Thanks," Dean said sounding truly thankful for the angel's forgiveness.

Sam looked beyond relieved as well saying, "Yeah… Thanks Cas."

We all stood in an awkward circle and silently avoided meeting each other's eyes. I expected Castiel to abruptly disappear without another word, but then we heard him speak with a slightly sarcastic tone, "It is a little absurd, though."

Bobby chuckled then agreed, "I know, I know."

"Superman going dark side," he continued mimicking the same humorous that Dean and I had used with him on more than one occasion. "I'm just Castiel."

Castiel maintained a goofy, out of place grin on his face, but I caught a minor flinch in Dean's expression telling me that something was off with what Castiel had said. When he did reply to the angel's commentary the rest of us could tell that he was using a force light-hearted tone, "I guess we can put away the Kryptonite, right?"

"Exactly," the angel agreed with an uncomfortable smile on his face. After a few minutes of painful silence, Castiel started to hesitantly explain, "Right… Well… I need to…"

"Go? Of course, yeah… Don't let us keep you," Dean cut in again with a forced supportive tone. "But call if we can…" He then trailed off once the angel disappeared.

"Shit," Sam muttered once we found ourselves alone again.

The three men had the same worried look etched on their faces, but didn't move to offer any explanations, so I finally asked, "So is it just me or did something that Castiel said trouble you three…? What is it? Is it bad? What's going on?"

Dean looked too incensed to answer, so Bobby took my arm and led me away from the Winchesters slowly answering, "He… He quoted me…"

"So?" I interrupted inadvertently. "He's mimicked a lot of our speech and mannerisms before? What's the big deal? What does that prove?"

"No… Addy it isn't like it was in the past," Bobby tried to patiently explain again. "He just gave us a direct quote of something I said when he wasn't there."

I unconsciously looked to Dean and Sam for confirmation and they both nodded with sad, disappointed looks on their faces.

"So you think that mean he's working with Crowley?" I clarified not hiding that I found their rational somewhat absurd. "That's a bit of a leap, wouldn't you say?"

When Dean finally looked me square in the eyes, his expression completely broke my heart as he replied, "Well, even if it doesn't mean they're working together, it still can't mean anything good Lay."

I couldn't really argue with that logic… Or the look on his face, so I nodded and agreed through a whisper, "True."

"But we have a plan," Sam interjected confidently.

Bobby and I turned our attention to him saying in unison, "Let's hear it."

=================  
                   Later  
=================

"I'm still not sure I'm comfortable with this plan," I objected half-heartedly as Bobby poured us each a glass of whiskey. "I mean… What ever happened to the notion of someone being 'innocent until proven guilty'?"

"Hey, if you have a better idea, I'm all ears," Dean countered with more than a mild hint of condescension in his tone because we all knew this was the best plan we could come up with and possibly the easiest to execute at this time.

I just shook my head and took a drink from my glass as my reply then they continued with the plan as we had previously discussed. First they trapped Castiel in a ring of Holy Oil to ensure that they had his attention. Once they knew that they had him off balance, they hammered him with one question after another about why he was spying on us, then why he was betraying the four of us and why did everything seem to be adding up to him working with Crowley.

Every so often my eyes locked with the angel's gaze and I could almost hear him pleading, _Adelaide… Please… Don't let them do this to me. You understand the reasons why I HAVE to defeat Raphael. Please Adelaide, please help me._

I hadn't realized that I had become lost in my thoughts until I heard Sam ask, "Wait… Did you bring me back soulless…? On purpose?"

Castiel looked like Sam had sucker punched him and almost as if he could cry as he replied, "How could you think that?"

"Well I'm thinking a lot of things right now Cas," Sam retorted disdainfully.

"Listen," the angel stated with a little more conviction than he had used before. "Raphael WILL kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard… Just ask Adelaide… He told her all about his plans… I had no choice."

They all turned to face me, but I couldn't find the strength to face them and just shook my head muttering before I turned and nearly ran out of the house, "No… No…"

Dean misunderstood my reaction and more forcefully replied, "She's right… No, you had a choice… You just made the wrong one."

"You don't understand," the angel tried to reason with the humans. "It's complicated."

I stood with my back against the door, desperately trying to catch my breath and calm my racing mind. On the one hand, I agreed with Castiel; we couldn't let Raphael win. The Arc Angel was more than happy to watch the Earth implode on itself and come to a complete end. In my mind what was even worse was that he wanted to use my own flesh and blood, my offspring, to bring about our world's ultimate destruction. How could we do anything but support Castiel? He had to use any means necessary to stop Raphael, right?

On the other hand, his new ally was a demon. Well, not just any demon, it was Crowley, who was now the new self-proclaimed "King of Hell". Crowley had fed me to Sydney, so that he could do whatever he wanted with me… Or 'have some fun' as Sydney called it when he smiled down at me with that sadistic grin on his face and Crowley never gave me a second thought. I had seen for myself that Crowley only served Crowley's interests, so my gut instinct told me that the demon would use the angel then dispose of all of us when he had accomplished his goals, whatever those actually were.

As I stood there, I felt an unnaturally cold breeze skim across the back of my neck. I looked into the distant sky and just barely made out the large plume of black demon 'smoke' making its way towards our current location. I froze in horror where I stood as the winds grew stronger and the crackling sounds of the broken souls grew louder during their approach.

The next thing I knew, Dean had scooped me up into his arms so that he could carry me to the Impala and soon enough we were somewhat safe in her backseat. Sam peeled away without even attempting to cast a backwards glance at the scene we were fleeing while his brother urged him to get the car to move faster.


	18. Always Such Relief From the Winter's Freeze

"I don't know… maybe it really isn't that bad of an idea… Now stand still," I said as I gripped the sides of Dean's head and pushed him against the rear quarter panel of the Impala to keep him from fidgeting.

"What? What did you just say?" He asked grabbing my hands and trying to wriggle out of my grasp.

I pressed my knee into his thigh to force him to keep somewhat still and then tilted his head to one side answering, "Quit squirming… I swear I… I think I tasted a little bit of blood the last time you kissed me… I don't know if we reinjured you or not…"

I slipped my thumb under his top lip to flip it over to check his healing cut while he looked on with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He watched me in silence while he was waiting for me to elaborate on my first statement, but I offered no further explanation and remained focused on examining his lip for any further injuries. He was patient with me for as long as he could be, which really was all of a minute tops, before he gripped my hand tightly again and roughly pulled it away from his face.

"Lay…?"

"Sorry… sorry," I replied as I slipped my hand out of his hold. "It looks like it's pretty much healed… I must have been… Anyways… You're good…"

I smiled sheepishly and gently petted Dean's cheek then started to move to kiss him. He leaned back and away from me, so I stopped and shared a frustrated glare with him.

"You don't think WHAT really isn't that bad of an idea?" Dean questioned slowly while trying to keep his anger at bay.

"Oh… That…" I completely retracted my hands then started pacing in front of him. "I don't really know… if… if what Castiel is doing is actually as horrible as you three guys seem to think that it is…"

Dean stood up straight off the car and nearly shouted, "What?"

I stopped and then took a large step back, trying to keep from showing that his reaction had frightened me slightly. "Dean… Now let's just keep calm… There's no need to shout…"

He continued to frown and took a couple of confident steps towards me. I held up my hands and retreated a couple of more steps backwards pleading, "Dean… Remember what happened last time when we got completely off track… I really don't want to pull a repeat of that… I'd hate to lose my ring out here in the middle of nowhere…"

I laughed uncomfortably at my attempt to ease the tension between us with a fairly lame joke. Dean shook his head disapprovingly in response and just huffed in a few angry breaths.

"Lay… This isn't funny," he warned in a low, infuriated voice.

"I didn't mean to… Dean I just… I don't want to fight with you… Not like we did before… But I… I want to… to talk to you about all of this. Even when our opinions differed, we've always been able to talk it out," I tried desperately to reason with him calmly.

He in turn took in a few deep breaths and closed his eyes tightly. I watched him intently while wringing my hands together while I stood in my spot awaiting his response. He took over the role of pacing beside the Impala and I silently reached out a hand towards him a couple of times, but I refrained from actually touching him for now just in case.

After what felt like an eternity, Dean finally stopped and faced me straight on. He took in another deep breath then replied with his eyes squeezed uncomfortably tight, "Okay… Fine… Let's… Talk."

I remained standing where I was, just out of his arms reach, and hesitated to speak even more when Dean opened his eyes and I saw what I thought was a glimmer of tears in one of them. "Dean… What I was saying is that… Maybe Castiel working with Crowley isn't the worst thing in the world that he could do right now."

Dean's jaw clenched and I saw his neck turn red so I quickly added with a slight bit more optimism, "Well we worked with Crowley to find Death…"

"That was different," Dean retorted sharply.

"Different? How? Why? I seem to remember a slightly uncomfortable drive to, from and around Chicago with Crowley sitting at our side until the moment when you were sharing a pizza with the Horseman," I countered while badly hiding my annoyed tone. "And then when I finally got back, Toby told me about how he was researching and seeking out Alphas that Crowley wanted you guys to bring him in exchange for Sam's soul…"

"We HAD to work with him then," Dean replied lowly through clenched teeth.

"And Castiel HAS to work with him now to stop Raphael," I threw back at him a little less heatedly to show my desperation.

Dean clenched his fists and angrily turned away from me to face the Impala. I almost thought that he was going to kick one of her wheels in frustration, but when he didn't I realized that he wasn't so enraged that he was going to resort to insane behavior just yet.

"Dean…? If Raphael does win… You know what that means for the rest of us, right?" I asked almost hesitantly from the place where I remained stationary.

He slowly turned on one heel to face me once again while shaking his head as the red in his neck started to creep up to his cheeks and ears.

"He'll… Dean he… he WILL use our sons… Our beautiful baby boys to play out the fight that you and Sam postponed," I continued while trying to use my sweetest tone to reason with him. "I know that you heard Eve just as well as I did… I had another boy… Which… Which brings up another reason why I personally cannot allow Raphael to have the satisfaction of winning…"

Dean's body seemed to unconsciously relax slightly, but only a minute amount before he asked, "Okay…? And what might that be?"

"I wasn't… wasn't supposed to have to go through all of that ever again… After my accident… I wasn't… Dr. Wingren promised me that I wouldn't ever have to go through losing another baby again."

"Lay…" Dean started almost forlornly as he hung his head.

I took in a deep breath and stood a bit taller as I continued, "I know that I wasn't completely alone in that decision and that you had to give up the baby too Dean, but… but… I don't know what it is, but… I think that it's just different for me… I… I carried him… He was a part of me… Even if it was just for a few months again… But…"

"I know Lay… I mean, I think I get what you're trying to say now," he replied even more comfortingly. I smiled to myself thinking that I had finally gotten him to see things from my perspective and to understand what I was getting at. I then slowly took his hand in mine and started to braid our fingers together until he quietly said, "But…"

I squeezed his hand, stepped closer to him and whispered almost seductively into his ear, "But what Dean?"

"But… All that being said… Lay, I'm not going to budge…" He finally continued.

I stepped back and stared at him with my mouth hanging open as he added, "He can't… It just isn't right…"

Dean fell completely silent when I threw his hand back at his side and stomped away from him as it ricocheted off his leg.

"Lay…?" He questioned slowly in his confusion.

I turned back to him, threw my hands up in the air in utter exasperation then rambled out heatedly, "No! No! Of course YOU wouldn't budge! Why would the Almighty Dean Winchester ever stoop so low as to have to try to compromise with us lowly humans…? You know what? You're fucking unbelievable Dean!"

Dean snorted in a breath with indignation then replied sarcastically, "Well… So much for both of us keeping a calm head."

I was just about to sling my own angry retort his way, but we were interrupted by Sam calling out, "Hey guys! Food's ready!"

We both turned simultaneously and saw the younger Winchester waving towards a picnic table where he and Bobby were starting to lay out the food from the take-out bags. Dean walked up to my side and hooked his arm through mine like he had a hundred of times before and then led me towards the other two males.

"We're not finished," he commented quietly into my ear.

We had already made it over to the table that Sam had directed us to, so I refrained from replying out loud and instead just glared at him. Dean and I sat side by side across from Sam and Bobby and we tried our best to look as natural as possible. None of us had been particularly chatty after retreating quickly from the demon smoke that threatened to overtake Ellsworth's cottage while also leaving Castiel trapped in the ring of Holy Fire. I knew that I was feeling so guilty about stranding our Angel in the demon's home that I could barely form a sentence to express the extent of my remorse, but I still wasn't sure if my male companions were feeling the same way because we all refused to talk about it.

My guilt started to make me feel nauseated, so I pushed the food that Sam had ordered for me to one side and just sipped on my soda while watching the other three men enjoy their meals. Sam was the first one to notice that I wasn't eating and paused while devouring his own meal. He lowered his fork with a sad look on his face, but I just shook my head and mouthed "I'm fine" while trying to give him a strong smile to ease his mind.

He didn't really look like he believed me, but I didn't have a chance to try again because I abruptly stood up while pulling out my phone and hastily announced, "Sorry… Phone's… Umm ringing…"

Sam half stood and tried to say something to me but I had already move too far away from the table to hear whatever it was that he wanted to say. He immediately took note that I was out of earshot then sat back down while quietly asking his brother, "So… Is everything okay with you and Addy?"

Dean finally looked up from his food and quickly looked around him as if he didn't completely understand his brother's probing question. Sam huffed slightly but before he could say anything else, Dean distractedly explained, "Lay… She doesn't see anything wrong with Cas working side by side with Crowley."

"What?" Sam and Bobby gasped simultaneously.

"Okay… Wait… Just wait a second… How is Addy okay with Cas working with a demon now?" Sam questioned in a genuinely perplexed tone. "I mean, you know… Especially since he was the one that sent her to Hell… Let her be tortured…"

"Well… For Lay defeating an Arc Angel that wants to destroy the entire planet and all of its inhabitants takes precedence over her own issues," Dean replied somewhat absentmindedly with a mildly defensive tone.

 _DEAN! This isn't just about me… Or you… Or us… It's about everyone…_ Dean heard my voice echoing in the back of his mind. _Tell me that you wouldn't do ANYTHING to stop Raphael right now… This is what I… WE NEED to do… Please don't be mad… Just let me do this… Please, I can't… Won't be able to get through this if you aren't with me on this… Please…Then after he or she is born, I'll be yours completely again…_

I was finish with my phone call and was slowly making my way back to the group feeling slightly uncomfortable by the way that they were watching me as I made my approach. I didn't notice that Dean's expression had completely changed during my brief time away on the phone, so I made absolutely no change in my standoffish demeanor towards him.

"Do you think that you could maybe drop me off at home on our way to Bobby's place?" I asked no one in particular while standing slightly behind Bobby so that I would effectively be as far away from Dean as I could possibly get without being too obvious.

Bobby quickly turned and grabbed my arm as Sam worriedly inquired, "Oh no! Is everything okay with Maureen? Shit… With Toby? And Bill? What's wrong Addy?"

I squeezed Bobby's hand replying, "No… No… Everything's fine… Shit, I'm sorry… I guess I should have led off with that… It's just Bill's brother… He's been admitted to hospital, but it's nothing out of the blue… Except that their babysitter has had to cancel on them, so I offered… They're going to drop Toby off at my house… I just figured that I… We can research Purgatory from home just as easily as I can while researching at Bobby's and all…"

They all nodded while listening intently as I continued my explanation and looked slightly up at Dean, "Plus… With everything… I was thinking it would be better for me to… You know…? Take a breather on my own for a bit and all?"

Dean caught onto what I was trying to say and when his gaze locked with mine, his facial features hardened once again.

"Yeah… We can definitely do that," Sam finally answered when his older brother remained silent.

Dean almost violently threw his garbage into one of the paper bags then barked, "Well let's get going then… We don't want Toby to be left alone for too long…"

I had already started back towards the car with my arms wrapped around myself in a resolve that I wasn't going to cry, but Dean easily caught up with me somehow. I felt him grip my elbow, so I tried my best to flinch out of his grasp, but it was too tight for me to shrug out of it easily. Dean pulled me closer to him, but I remained defiant and refused to look over at him. If he was going to be stubborn about the Crowley and Castiel issue then I didn't see any reason why I couldn't be equally pigheaded as well.

"Lay… Hey… Just hold up a second…" He pleaded quietly.

I still kept from looking at him as I replied, "I don't want to fight in front of Sam and Bobby… Please let go of my arm."

"Lay," he tried again without loosening his grip. "Come on, just give me one second."

I finally turned my eyes to him, but before another word could be spoken Sam asked, "Dean…? Do you want to take over behind the wheel?"

Dean turned slightly and claimed his keys from his brother offhandishly answering, "Sure."

I took the opportunity of his being distracted afforded and slipped my arm out of his tight grasp so that I could slip into the backseat of the Impala. Sam quickly followed me and slid in beside me with the hopes that he might be able to try to talk with me to find out what was happening in the background, but I had already curled up against the closed door with my eyes closed in an attempt to fall asleep during the ride to Iowa. Dean adjusted his rear view mirror slightly so that he could check on me and then he caught his brother's gaze. Sam narrowed his eyes slightly as if to ask Dean, "What's going on?" but Dean just shrugged to silently reply, "Who knows?"

Bobby watched their back and forth then quietly asked, "Something I should know about son?"

Dean shook his head then replied, "Don't worry about it Bobby, I'll explain later."

When we pulled up to my back yard, the kitchen door flew open and Toby came running down the stairs. He stood at the bottom of the staircase, practically bouncing from foot to foot while waiting for Dean to park the Impala and turn the engine off before approaching the vehicle because he had been admonished on numerous occasions in the past by both Dean and myself about the hazards of his running up to our cars before they were completely stationary. As soon as Dean opened the driver side door, Toby was there wrapping his arms tightly around his Dad's waist.

"Hey Buddy," Dean commented with a chuckle. "Up a little late, aren't you?"

"Like I could sleep knowing that all of you were coming to visit!" Toby nearly shouted because of his excitement. "But I promise I only stayed up just to say 'Hi'. I'll go straight to bed soon," the teen concluded while pushing out of his embrace.

"That's good to hear," Dean replied as he tossed his keys to Sam to open the trunk.

I was still waking myself up from my impromptu nap while the men started to unpack the car. With my left wrist gripped tightly in my right hand behind my back, I bent over at the waist until I heard my shoulders pop. As I straightened back up, I too found myself being pulled into an enthusiastic hug by our son. I struggled slightly to get my arms around him to reciprocate because he was squeezing himself so closely to my body, but I somehow managed to do so.

"I missed you too Buddy," I stated softly into his ear before kissing his head.

After he had released me from his hold, Toby gave me a sad smile saying, "Mom told me that… Well this last job… She said something… That it was pretty tough and all… I just… You know…? I love you Mum…"

I held his face then kissed his forehead before replying with just enough force that he wouldn't have any reason to argue, but with a tone that kept be from sounding too harsh, "But that isn't anything that you need to worry yourself with right now. And Buddy…? I know you do and I love you more than life itself."

He nodded his understanding then walked hand in hand with me silently to the trunk of the car. Before I had a chance to pick up my bag, Toby had its handles in his left hand as he stated, "I've got this for you Mum… Good night everyone."

We all watched as he sprinted into the house and then I hugged Sam and Bobby while promising each of them that I would let them know if and when Toby and I had found anything useful. They in turn promised to keep in touch and to keep me up to date about everything to do with Crowley and Castiel. They both looked like they wanted to add something else after those assurances, but they each stopped themselves and seem to have thought better of announcing their final thoughts.

After the two of them were back in the car, Dean started to approach me. I tried to side step around him while mumbling a quick goodbye, but he easily stopped me from being able to retreat.

"Dean… I'm tired… I'm finally home… I still don't want to fight with you," I explained quietly. "Why don't we just agree to disagree on this one, okay?"

"Okay…" He answered softly. When I kept moving towards the house, he reached out and grabbed my arm to add, "But Lay…? I think I get where you're coming from now… The ends should justify the means, but Cas… He's been lying to us and there's no way for us to know how long that's been going on."

I finally turned my gaze to him and sheepishly asked, "Oh… So it's his lying to you that has you so upset, isn't it? It isn't just the fact that he's working with Crowley, it's that he lied about it for so long…"

Dean nodded then moved to pull me into a hug, but refrained from doing so answering, "When has it ever been a good thing for us to hide anything from each other?"

I nodded softly quietly asserted, "We'll call when we have something for you."

As I made my way to the house once again, I noticed that Toby had been watching us from the doorway and I groaned inwardly at the prospect of having to be dishonest with him to ease his mind so that he could sleep. I quickly looked over my shoulder and saw that Dean was standing beside the closed driver's side door looking back at both of us over his shoulder. He tentatively waved, so I stopped, turned fully around waving and shouted, "Drive safe!"

He nodded and gave me a sad smile then got into the car and started back on his way to Bobby's. When I turned back around to face the kitchen door, I immediately noticed that the doorway was empty. I found Toby up in his bathroom brushing his teeth and he barely gave me a second glance as I walked by so I just continued to my bedroom. It hadn't been too long since my last visit home, but I was in the habit of unpacking and sorting out my laundry whenever I returned home (no matter how meager the load would be) and Toby found me doing just that when he was finished getting ready for bed.

"Are you and Dad in a fight?" He asked quietly as he sat down at the foot of my bed.

"No… Buddy we aren't," I replied with my back still turned to him.

"Really? So when I call him tomorrow to check in, you'll want to talk to him and he'll take the call?" He queried sounding more than a little suspicious.

I waited until I was sitting beside him and holding his hands in mine before answering him. "Yes Toby, Dean will take a call from me and yes, I will do the daily check in with him too… Just like we always have…"

He looked at me and nearly whispered, "So what was that all about by the car? You looked like you were trying to get away from him…"

"Damn," I cursed under my breath, hoping Toby wouldn't hear me.

"So you guys ARE fighting," he accused in an anguished tone.

I cupped his chin and forced him to look at me, but waited to answer until he looked like he wasn't going to cry. "We had a disagreement…" He opened his mouth to interrupt, but I just continued before he could say anything, "But we aren't 'fighting', okay? We weren't seeing eye to eye on an issue, but we agreed that we wouldn't let it come between us… Understand?"

"What weren't you guys seeing eye to eye about?" He asked in a much calmer tone.

I shook my head while standing up off the bed. I took his hand in mine and gently tugged his arm for him to follow me saying, "We won't get into that tonight. You need to get some sleep and then I'll tell you all about it in the morning."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He leaned over and kissed my cheek then turned into the hallway saying, "Sure… Okay… G'Night Mum."

He then made his way slowly to his room and closed the door gently without another glance my way. I rested my head against the door jamb and let out a deep sigh. I lingered a bit longer, just staring at his closed door then formulated a plan that I thought would help create some kind of place in my house and in our lives.

 **Hey… Do me a favor?** I typed out while still staring at Toby's door.

When my phone finally vibrated in my hands, I turned back into my room then illuminated the screen. **Anything… But I'm sort of limited by my current location to do a few things.**

I chuckled thinking of the face that Dean must have been making right now then sent; **Could you call Toby to say a proper 'Good Night'? You know… To smooth things over?**

I re-illuminated the screen on my phone at least ten times in a two minute period then moved to step into the hallway when I received no reply. I stood by Toby's door to listen in, but his room was filled with the same painful silence as the hallway, so I retreated to my room once again.

 _ **I want to…**_ "Dean?" I answered as I quickly closed my door.

"' _Smooth things over'? What am I missing out on here Lay?"_

I started pacing the length of the carpet at the foot of my bed trying to figure out how to explain everything to him without raising too much concern. "Toby… He's really worried about us… You and me… I… I told him it wasn't anything to worry about but…"

" _You think he'll believe it if I corroborate your story…"_

"Yeah, something like that," I admitted sheepishly.

Dean then answered without hesitation, _"Okay, yeah, I can do that."_

I sighed then sat on my bed sadly replying, "Thanks Dean. I really appreciate this more than you know."

" _Umm… Lay? Would he still be up? I don't want to wake him."_

"I'm guessing that he's probably worrying so much that he won't be able to sleep… But even if he doesn't answer… Could you…? I don't know… At least leave him a message?" I inquired meekly.

Dean sighed heavily then answered, _"Lay… Of course I will… It isn't a chore for me to call Toby you know."_

I started to blush uncontrollably and was almost too embarrassed to reply. "I know it isn't… I'm sorry… I didn't mean it that way… Fuck… Now I'm screwing this up too… I'm so sorry Dean."

" _Hey… Hey, it's okay. You're in over-protective mom mode, I get it,"_ Dean offered sincerely. _"And don't forget that you should get some rest too."_

"I will… I will. Thanks again Dean."

The next morning I woke up and slowly got ready. Toby's door was still shut tight, so I continued downstairs hoping that he was still sleeping soundly. Usually when Toby was upset, his appetite was practically nonexistent, but I still wanted to have breakfast ready for when he got up just in case he woke up hungry. I wasn't really overly worried about wasting food because I knew that that would be a sure fire way to tell if he was lying about how he was feeling or not without having to actually interrogate him.

I was standing in front of the open fridge and jumped slightly when I heard Toby softly announce his presence saying, "Good morning Mum…" As I looked over my shoulder at him he quietly apologized, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

After I turned to face Toby I answered, "It's okay Buddy, I was just surprised that I didn't hear you… So… Are you hungry?" He nodded softly in the place where he stood, so I turned back to the fridge asking more enthusiastically, "What do you feel like having? It looks like there's bacon… And eggs…" I pulled out both of those packages and smiled at him hopefully.

Toby was seated at the island and looked around me saying, "I think Mom bought hash browns too…"

"Really? I'll check again…" I turned back to the fridge yet again and silently celebrated that Toby seemed to have a hearty appetite. "Oh… Mo sure did, here they are."

As I started breakfast, Toby got to work at brewing a pot of coffee. Once he heard the pot gurgling, he glued himself to my side to help me with the meal. He didn't seem to want to talk about anything he may have discussed with Dean, so I refrained from mentioning the phone call Dean was supposed to have made last night and just kept up the light hearted banter between us.

Once the coffee was brewed, I made the mistake of pouring myself a cup because Toby took that as me relinquishing the role of chef. He looked so happy at the stove that I didn't want to do anything to impede that in any way, so I just sat back and watched him as he continued cooking the meal. As we ate, our conversation remained on that same track and we shared more than one laugh until I started cleaning up our plates.

"So what are we researching now?" Toby asked while I was crouched down behind the dishwasher.

I slowly stood up then he clarified, "I mean Dad killed Eve and all, right? So what's next on deck?"

"Purgatory Buddy," I replied easily. "We have to find where all of the non-human souls go after a creature is killed."

"Whoa… Really? Okay… So where do we start?" He asked trying not to show how baffled he was feeling.

"Well… You'll start by finishing your math homework," I answered earnestly from my spot on the other side of the island.

Toby stared at me with his mouth hanging slightly open in shock, so I continued, "Or History… Maureen mentioned something about a Spanish test that was coming up too…"

"You… you want me to do school work?" He asked with an unimpressed look on his face. "With everything that's going on right now…? YOU want ME to do HOME WORK?"

"Yes Toby I do… You have finals coming up quick, so I want you to be prepared."

"Prepared?" He questioned sounding like he didn't understand what I was trying to say. "For school finals? Really?"

"Yeah Buddy…" I explained calmly. "It may not seem like it, but school is really important and you need to keep up with your studies."

Toby snorted indignantly at my comment then said, "Why? Dad didn't finish high school… You said that you just barely graduated and did the bare minimum to get your diploma… Why do I HAVE to finish high school if you two didn't?"

I took a moment to calm myself before replying slowly, "You… That… Toby… Buddy finishing high school IS important. Look at your Uncle Sam… He graduated with honors and a lot of what he learned has come in more than handy…" He looked like he might seriously be contemplating what I was saying, so I slowly added, "Plus…"

"Plus what?" He almost worriedly asked.

"Plus, you finishing school is important to your mom." He scowled at my reply, but I remained undeterred. "She has never once asked for anything special from any of us, but after Cas healed her, she told me that she had dreamt of seeing you in a cap and gown on your graduation day."

We sat in silence for a few minutes then Toby finally said, "My Spanish test is first so I guess I'll finish that first… Then I can probably finish my math pretty easily too…"

I stepped over and kissed his head and agreed with his reasoning saying, "Sounds good Buddy. I'll be pulling everything that I can together then… then once you're done you can help me, okay?"

He nodded with a tight smile then went straight to his room to complete his work. I spent almost half an hour trying to weed through my library for any texts that might have any type of information about Purgatory before I settled into a spot in the living room to start my research.

Although Toby had complained about having to do his homework, he actually enjoyed doing his classwork most of the time, much like his Uncle Sam. He worked through his Spanish translations quickly then took it upon himself to attempt to translate those same terms into Latin before moving onto his math work.

He was stuck on the term 'eradicate' and started pacing his room to try to evoke the term he thought he knew in the back of his mind.

"NO!" He heard me scream in the distance. "NO! NO! YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE!"

Toby ran over to the top landing of the stairs and after he caught a quick glimpse at the scene below, he ducked back into his room. He scooped his phone up off of his desk and then kneeled down beside his bed to hide himself while dialing a number on his phone.

" _Hey Toby,"_ Dean greeted him jovially. _"What's…?"_

"DAD! There's strange men in the house!" Toby cut in breathlessly.

Dean sat up straight on Bobby's couch asking, _"What?"_

"They… they got past the Devil's traps… They grabbed Mum… I think they're coming after me," Toby hastily explained.

" _What are they?"_ Dean asked while trying to remain calm and collected.

"I… I don't know Dad… They… They look human…"

" _Did… Did you see their eyes? Their teeth?"_ Dean asked slowly hoping that if he kept a calm demeanor that Toby would be able to as well.

"No… No Sir… I didn't really get a good look at either."

" _Okay… That's okay… Where are you now?"_

Toby took in a deep breath then replied, "I hid in my room Dad… Sorry."

" _That's fine Toby… Can you get to our closet in the master bedroom? I know Lay has always kept a spare shotgun in the closet, but I stashed one under the bed too and it's filled with rock salt."_

"I can try… But Dad… If they're up here…" Toby started to explain.

" _Right… Okay Toby, listen to me… Go to your window and jump,"_ Dean stated calmly as a counter offer.

"What?" Toby exclaimed quietly, not quite sure if he heard Dean properly.

Dean tried to keep his voice even as he continued to instruct the teen, _"Go out your window, crawl to the front or the back yard, jump then hide. Any bones you break won't compare to what they can and will do to you… Got it? Toby… Buddy…? You got that? Toby… Tobs! I'm coming Buddy! I'll take care of you and Lay… Buddy? Buddy! Did you hear me? I'm coming!"_

"Oh… Hello Dean," A smooth voice with a Scottish accent replied. "Fancy a chat? I mean it's been so long since my so called demise, yes?"

" _Fuck you Crowley!"_ Dean retorted angrily. _"Let them go! They have nothing to do with this! Let them go or I swear…!"_

"Nothing? You think so, eh?" The demon countered cockily. "Funny that… I seem to recall making a deal with our dear sweet Adelaide and she didn't live up to her end of the deal… But Tobias… Well he's just been begging for me to claim his soul… So if I don't… What? You'll rip me a cornucopia of new orifices? Let's just get to the bit where I tell you how this goes… Your chocolate's been in my peanut butter for too long…"

" _Fuck you… I AM going to kill you,"_ Dean growled while pacing Bobby's study.

"Oh Dean! Ever the wit!" Crowley replied light heartedly, sounding as if he didn't have a care in the world. "I've got your… Oh what should I call them? Your sorry hope at a family? And I'm keeping them until I'm more than satisfied that you've backed the hell off!"

Dean's voice hadn't changed from its low severe tone as he cautioned, _"I'm warning you… Last chance to let them go easy."_

Crowley laughed to himself then said, "You're adorable when you get all threatening. Don't worry, I won't hurt them… Provided you and Jolly Green stand down. Got it?" Before Dean could reply, the demon happily added, "Splendid! Kisses."

After Crowley hung up the phone, Dean nearly shouted a frustrated "FUCK!" That brought his brother and eldest ally running to him to see if he needed their aid. None of them really knew what Crowley's end game was, but Dean knew that the first thing he had to do was find Lay and Toby, then he could get to Crowley and kill him. The only problem was that none of them really knew where to start.

===============================================================================

A demon stood by a table full of tools looking over at Addy and Toby with a satisfied smirk on his face. Toby managed to keep his breathing even but shuddered slightly when two other demons entered the room and joined the one watching over them. They all froze in their place when they heard a fight break out in the hallway, so one of the demons left to investigate what was happening.

Toby reached out his fingers to try to touch his mother's hand to find some measure of comfort in her touch, but quickly retracted them when a demon came flying through the closed door above them. He turned away from the scene in the room, but continued to visibly flinch at the sounds of the fighting that was going on.

"Dean. Thank God!" He heard his mother exclaim.

Dean worked at cutting Addy's bindings and grumbled out, "Still gotta get you out of here." As Addy stood up and started to rub the feeling back into her wrists and arms, Dean cut Toby free, helped him to his feet and instructed both of them hurriedly, "Alright Toby, come on, let's go. Let's go."

Suddenly Addy snatched the demon killing knife out of Dean's hand then spun Toby around and pulled him tight against her chest. As she held the knife to Toby's neck, she flippantly said, "Brat's not going anywhere… And neither am I."

Addy's eyes turned jet black then she smiled sinisterly explaining, "Crowley thought you might come, so he had me jump this hot piece of ass for insurance. Can't go losing our leverage now, can we?"

Dean started to approach the two of them, so the demon possessing Addy pressed the knife to Toby's throat warning him, "Ahh… One more step… Free appendectomy." It then turn to face Toby saying, "You know, she's still awake, your Mum. I can hear her thinking… Ooh you should hear the things she's saying."

Dean stared the demon down and nearly growled as shouted, "Don't listen to her Toby!"

"What?" The demon asked with mock innocence. "I was just going to tell him that you aren't his real daddy… Yeah, you might have broken the seal Dean, but my daughter slutted it up pretty good after that." Sydney laughed then continued taunting him. "Just kidding. Who else could this pain in the ass belong to?"

Dean lowered his voice and sternly commanded, "You shut your mouth."

"Oh what? You're her white knight now? She wishes she never met you, Dean. You're the worst mistake of she ever made." Sydney looked down at Toby again saying, "Well… Second worse… After you that is…"

"It's not your Mum Toby. She's lying."

"Says the C Minus lay with the ten miles of daddy issues. Whatever gets you through the night Tiny Tim." Dean took another step forwards so Sydney pressed the knife even harder into Toby's throat causing the teen to whimper softly. "Uh uh… Back off cowboy."

Dean held a steady stare with the demon and pulled out a flask of holy water. He kept his eyes on Addy's face to make sure that Sydney hadn't notice, then he looked down at Toby's terror filled eyes saying, "Toby, look at me. Look at me Buddy. You're going to be just fine." Toby nodded slightly, trying not to cut his chin on the knife, and then Dean tossed the holy water at the demon. Sydney let go of Toby to swipe Addy's hands over her face. Toby rushed past Dean and wasn't able to focus on anything in the room until he heard his Dad shout, "Toby! Knife!"

"What's the matter Dean? Hit me!" Sydney retorted after shoving Dean. "Oh, you don't wanna hurt poor Adelaide."

While Sydney was laughing, Dean sneered but didn't reply to his taunts, instead he started to chant, "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spititus…"

"Shut your mouth," the demon seethed before punching Dean in the face.

Dean tried to keep from reacting to the punch then retaliated by continuing to chant, "Omnis satanica protestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarii, omnis congregation et secta diabolica, ergo draco maledicte…" Sydney stepped forward and grabbed Dean by the throat. "Ecclesiam…"

"You finally learned an incantation," the demon commented angrily. "Stop it!"

"Tuam…"

"I'm warning you," Sydney cautioned lowly in another attempt to get Dean to cease his recitation.

Dean glared at Addy's face while trying not to focus on her features as they contorted in pain. "You can go to hell you black-eyed bastard."

Sydney still had Dean by the throat when he suddenly noticed that they were standing beside a table covered in tools. He quickly snatched up a chisel while simultaneously releasing Dean. While Dean tried to catch his breath again, Sydney gave Dean a sick, demented smile asking, "You sure about that?"

He quickly plunged the chisel deep into his daughter's stomach while maintaining the same satisfied smirk.

Toby stared at the two adults wide eyed and nearly screamed, "MUM!" but his terror just seemed to fuel the demon controlling his mother's body.

Sydney laughed then said, "Exorcise me now. Little bitch is just a dead meat suit. She'll be heading back downstairs with me… again… Now… What was it that you wanted to say?"

Dean gave Toby a long, sad, lingering look then soldiered through his final commentary, "Securi tibi facias libertate… Servire te rogamus, audi nos."

Once the demon was expelled from her body, Addy fell to the ground then remained motionless for a moment.

"Mum!" Toby called out again before running to her side while Dean shouted "Lay!" and did the same.

"Lay… Here, put some pressure on that, okay?" He instructed as he pressed her hand over the cloth he had put on the wound. She groaned painfully then gave him an apologetic look, but before she could try to speak, Dean squeezed her hand and said, "I know honey, I know. Shh… Don't worry. That's it, it's okay."

He tried to call Sam's cell, but when he reached his brother's voicemail, he angrily asked, "Sam? Where are you damn it?" Without taking his eyes off Addy, he directed his words to his son, "Alright Tobs, we gotta get her out of here, okay? Toby? Buddy?" When the teen didn't make a sound, Dean turned to face him. Toby was frozen in his spot staring at his mother with wide eyes and his face a sickly pale color while she struggled to keep some amount of pressure against her wound. "Toby!" Dean suddenly raised his hand and slapped his son across his face.

"Hey! Listen to me… I need you to pull it together, okay? You gotta be strong. Your Mum needs you right now Buddy. Go open my duffle bag, grab the salt gun. I gotta carry Lay out so if anything comes at us, you shoot it, just like she taught you."

Toby still looked beyond terrified as he mumbled, "But…"

"GO! NOW!" Dean ordered more forcefully.

Once Toby started moving, Dean picked up the now limp Addy and continued giving his son instructions, "Okay. The knife. Get the knife! Alright… Toby you know this Buddy… Keep your elbow in, gun tight to your shoulder and watch for the kick."

Toby listened and followed Dean's orders as they continued down a dark hallway. When a demon rounded the corner, Toby hesitated until his father shouted his name at him.

After he shot the man being possessed by the demon soul, Toby tried to protest with a weak sounding, "Dad…"

"Come on, pull it together!" Dean commanded as he continued on his way. "Do you want Lay to die again? Let's go!"

Dean then lead Toby down the same path that he had taken after he and Sam had split up to find Addy and Toby. This time when they ran into a couple of demons, Toby didn't hesitate before shooting them. The teen tried to stay close to his Dad's side as they maneuvered through the dark halls and they both stopped at the exact same time when they heard someone pounding on a closed door.

They approached it hesitantly then heard a faint "Dean" that Sam had been shouting over and over.

"Sam?" Dean questioned loudly.

"I'm in here!"

Dean looked back at Toby who instantly raised the shot gun and shifted into a ready stance without being told to do so. Dean then placed Addy on the ground as gently as he could. He lovingly petted her face then stood up and retrieved his pistol from the small of his back to shoot the lock in order to free his brother.

As soon as he slipped out of the room, Sam's gaze landed on Addy's bleeding body. Before Sam could say anything, Dean had scooped her into his arms saying, "Come on, we gotta get to a hospital. Toby give the gun to your Uncle. Sam, we need a ride."

The four of them continued to make their way out of the building then Sam broke off from the group. Dean and Toby didn't speak, but when Toby noticed that the rag Dean had pressed to his Mum's wound was soaked through, he removed his jacket then slipped off his top layer of clothing and pressed his t-shirt into his Dad's grasp. Dean pressed it against Addy's stomach and was about to thank him, but they were interrupted by Sam pulling up in a white Jeep Cherokee.

Toby was just staring at Addy and didn't seem to notice so Dean shouted, "Go! Go! Go! Go!"

Toby climbed into the front passenger seat while Dean awkwardly crawled into the backseat with Addy on his lap. He could hear his Mum's ragged breath, so Toby turned in his seat and gave his Dad a worried look. Addy's eyes were now open while she tried to breathe evenly, but she gaze remained only focused on Dean's face.

"She's fine Buddy, she's fine," Dean tried to reassure his son. "She's gonna be just fine."

Toby turned back in his seat and stared at his hands. He inhaled sharply, willing his tears away when he heard Dean say, "Almost there Lay… Hey… Hey, stay with me… Sam… You gotta go faster man!"

Dean continued to stroke her face with his hand that wasn't dripping with Addy's blood then pulled her close to him and repeated over and over, "You're going to be fine… You're going to be fine…"

Sam reached over and squeezed Toby's knee and tried to comfort him quietly stating, "She's strong Toby, and she'll make it through this okay?"

Toby nodded then turned away from Sam to look out his window. A couple of silent tears slid down his cheeks, but he made no attempts to dry them because he didn't want to tip his Dad or Uncle off that he was crying.

===============================================================================

It was nearing midafternoon by the time the doctors had Addy stable and in a room. Toby hadn't been able to listen in when the doctors were talking with Dean, but he could tell from his Dad's body language that things were worse than anyone was letting on. When Maureen had first gotten ill, Addy body had displayed the same unconscious reaction when she and Bill were talking to Maureen's doctors, so he knew; deep down, that it was only a matter of time before he lost his Mum again.

Neither of them had been particularly talkative since they made it to the hospital, but as they sat there just staring down at Addy, Dean tried to break the ice by quietly apologizing, "Toby… I'm sorry."

Toby could feel his tears threatening to overtake him, so he got up and left the room. He almost hesitated when he heard his Dad call out his name, but he hated crying in front of Dean so he just quickened his pace. He weaved through the corridor and ran full force into Sam when he had finally raised his hands to his face to try to dry his tears.

"Toby? Hey… Are you okay?" Sam asked sympathetically as he reached out to grip his nephew's shoulder.

Toby didn't reply and turned to run away again, but Sam caught his arm saying, "Hey, hey, hey… It's okay… You don't have to talk. Come on, why don't we go find somewhere to sit for a little while?"

Sam was able to slip his arm around Toby's shoulders and he guided him out of the hospital and into the open air. At first he wasn't sure where he would take him and thought better of taking him to the stolen SUV because the backseat was still covered in Addy's blood and then he realized the Impala wasn't a viable option because he had given Dean her keys after he retrieved the car from Bobby's. Toby continued crying without making a sound, but didn't say anything while Sam steered him down a path to a small forested area with a small duck pond.

Once they were seated on a bench, Toby threw his face into Sam's chest and sobbed quietly. At first Sam thought that Toby was just crying, but then he felt his jaw moving slightly. The older man then gently push back on Toby's shoulder, but maintained contact so that the teen knew that he was still ready to support him.

"I'm sorry Toby, I couldn't hear you."

"She's gonna die again, isn't she?" Toby questioned through his tears. "Don't lie to me Uncle Sam… Please…? I… I just…"

Sam pulled Toby to his chest then quietly replied, "I'm so sorry Toby."

After he let his nephew cry for what felt like an eternity, Sam and Toby stayed outside and talked a bit about everything that had happened. Toby told Sam about how it was Addy's father that was the demon who had possessed her and how the demon seemed to have had a lot of fun tormenting him and Dean with all kinds of lies.

"Toby, you know they do that just to get to us, right?" Sam offered sympathetically.

Toby scoffed softly then said, "Yeah I know Uncle Sam… And I know none of it was true because I read all of Mum's journals, so I already knew that Dean's the only guy that… that… Well that could be my real dad… But hearing her voice…" Toby took a second to swallow his tears. "I don't know if… if… if I can be a hunter… I don't think that I'm brave enough to do it…"

When he finished his statement, Toby jumped to his feet and took off towards the hospital. Sam got up and followed Toby slowly to allow the young teen some time alone with his parents, so that Toby could hopefully come to terms with losing is mother… Again. Toby hesitated before he re-entered his mother's room and shuddered softly when he saw that all of the tubes that had helped her to breathe had now been removed from her body.

At first he thought that the worst had happened, but then he saw her inhale a deep breath, so he approached her apprehensively. When he was standing beside her, he took her wrist into one of his hands and felt a strong pulse. He then lunged forward, hugged her tight and then kissed her cheek before settling on a spot beside her legs.

After watching me for a while, Toby smiled down at me when I opened my eyes and said, "Hi Mum."

I awoke with a bit of a start and looked around the room replying in a confused tone, "Hey Buddy…" My hand hit my stomach then I worriedly asked, "What…?"

"You're in the hospital," Toby explained plainly. When he noticed that I wasn't wincing in any way at all, he somewhat roughly touched my stomach then asked in a rapid fire fashion, "Where's your bandage? How are you healed already? Did you make a deal? Where's Dad? He wouldn't make a deal again would he? What's going on Mum?"

I held one of his hands and tried to soothingly reply, "No… Shh… Buddy it's…"

"Nothing like that," Dean finished from the open doorway.

Toby was on his feet in an instant and shouted "Dad!" as he wrapped his arms around Dean's waist.

I could tell that Dean had been crying and he had a look of pure confusion on his face. Toby was too excited to see his Dad to notice any of Dean's distress, so I tried to distract him by calling out, "Hey Buddy…? Could you…?"

"Get you a coffee?" He finished confidently. I shot him an amused glare as he added, "I'll find you something to eat too. Did you want anything Dad?"

Dean shook his head and just patted his son on the back as Toby left the room. Dean then took a couple of steps forward as a tear slid down his cheek. I reached a hand out to him and felt him shiver when he took my hand in his. He looked completely overwhelmed which allowed me to tug him down to sit beside me so I could place a soft kiss on his lips.

"I couldn't let him do it Dean," I stated softly as I sat back against my pillows. Dean slowly opened his eyes while I explained, "I couldn't… Not after everything we've been through together… You… You're… I've… I've never… NEVER consider being with you a mistake Dean… Not ever once… not even when Syd try to convince me you were…"

I sniffled in a breath then Dean leaned down and kissed me more passionately before replying, "I just want you to be safe and happy."

"I'm happiest when I'm with you… You're the other half of my heart, remember?"

Dean chuckled then he quickly kissed me again. He looked like he was going to say something else, but we were interrupted by a cheerful Toby announcing, "I found Uncle Sam too."

Toby rushed to my left side with a coffee in one hand and a doughnut in the other. Dean got up off the bed and took a coffee from his brother. Sam then walked over and kissed my head saying, "Good to see you again Addy."

"Thanks Sam, you too."

We all sat in the room with only the sounds of our eating and drinking breaking the grim silence until Toby somewhat absentmindedly asked, "Uncle Sam's already paid your bill, does that mean that we can take you home now?"

I looked over at Sam with a quirked eyebrow and he shrugged answering, "I didn't think you'd want to be stuck here for longer than you needed to be."

I then squeezed Toby's hand and replied, "Let me at least finish my coffee first Buddy."

We didn't say much as we ate the sugary confections, but it was our lack of eye contact that tugged at my heart strings the most. I had fought Sydney tooth and nail for control of my body, but I still couldn't stop him from sifting through my memories to pick the ones that he could manipulate the worst to hurt Toby and Dean. I hated myself for not being able to stop Sydney, for falling back on my old teenage insecurities and for cowering to him. Now Dean was hurting, he was doubting our relationship just because I wasn't strong enough. I made a resolve right then and there that the next time that I saw Bobby that I would sit down with him to find out exactly how he had done it… How he was able to keep one of those dick's from using his body to stab Dean.

I must have gotten lost in my own thoughts because when my eyes refocused on the room, Dean and I were completely alone. He was working at gingerly detaching the few electrodes that were still attached to my body.

"Dean… You were right, that wasn't me," I said as I gently stilled one of his hands. "Sydney has been having fun working in Hell torturing souls… He just knew what would be your Achilles' heel…"

"I know Lay, I know," Dean replied unconvincingly.

"Dean, I'm being serious. He saw you wearing Poppy's ring… Then he told me… Told me that he was going to destroy us," I explained desperately.

Dean helped me off the bed then pulled me into a hug asserting, "I got that Lay… But… Nothing he could say compared to watching you die slowly in front of me… Watching you suffer…"

I leaned back with a chagrinned look on my face. I needed to say something to him, needed to reassure him, but the thought of him seeing me like that again; I knew it probably resonated with him the most. It was almost as if Dean could read my mind because he gave me a knowing smile then pecked my lips.

"Here… Take my jacket. It's kind of chilly outside," he explained as he wrapped one of my Poppy's old army jackets around my shoulders.

I nodded dumbly then took a couple of steps, but was stopped by Dean tugging on one of my arms. "Hey… Lay… You're 'injured' remember? Just play along and let me 'help' you."

"Dean…" I sighed with a chuckle. He narrowed his slightly puffy eyes at me playfully, so I leaned into his body agreeing, "Alright, you can be my crutch."

We then made our retreat and I tried my best to play the part of an injured patient. Dean seemed to be better at his role of 'concerned partner' and was able to dismiss most of the quizzical looks we were given by flashing the ladies one of his most bewitching smiles.

"Mr. and Mrs. Winchester! Please! Wait up!" A nurse called out from behind us.

I stared at Dean wide-eyed and he just shrugged whispering in my ear, "Sounds good, huh?"

He then quickly turned to face the nurse replying, "Nurse Richards, how can we help you?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Winchester, but your wife hasn't been discharged yet, so she can't leave," she explained authoritatively.

"Oh… We weren't leaving," he countered sounding slightly wounded. "I just wanted to take her out for some fresh air… That's okay, isn't it?"

The nurse blushed slightly then said less severely, "Oh… Okay… Just don't keep her out too long please…"

Dean smiled then winked at her with a quiet, "Of course."

As he held the door open for me I whispered, "Wife?"

Dean quickly wrapped an arm around my shoulder then kissed my temple, "Love you too."

We then met up with Toby and Sam at the Impala. Sam had the engine running just in case we had to make this an actual 'get away'. Dean helped me into the backseat despite my protests then the three men jumped into the vehicle as well.

Toby was yawning profusely, so I squeezed the back of his neck gently and asked, "Hey Tobs? Did you get any sleep at all last night?"

He shrugged in response so I tugged on his arm and patted my lap. Toby knew exactly what I meant by this, so he curled up and placed his head in my lap with his eyes closed. I started softly petting his hair the same way my Mum had when I had had troubles sleeping and I could feel him relaxing a slight bit more with every breath.

Dean suddenly ejected the cassette tape that was in the deck and plucked one out of his jacket pocket labeled in Toby's hand writing 'For Mum'.

_**But on the telephone line I am anyone I am anything I want to be I could be a supermodel or Norman Mailer…** _

Toby sighed then relaxed completely as my eyes shot up and caught Dean's eye in the rearview mirror. He seemed to instinctively know that this music would be the trick to help our son fall asleep. Dean smiled softly and winked while all I could do was brush away a tear as I mouthed _I love you._


	19. The Snow is More Lonely than Cold

Sam checked over his shoulder and when he saw Toby and I sleeping soundly he smiled before moving his left hand towards the radio. Dean caught the motion of his brother's arm out of the corner of his eye, so he grabbed Sam's hand tightly and moved it away from the eject button.

"Dude! They're sleeping," Sam protested through a whisper.

Dean checked the rea rview mirror and smiled to himself smugly before replying, "Exactly, so let them sleep with their music."

Sam huffed then tried again, "Look I'm cool with mellow music and all, but seriously the same voice over and over? Come on man…"

"Yeah… Well… It's helping them to sleep, so just leave it alone," Dean cautioned before he started to mouth the words to the song that had just started playing.

Sam couldn't help but smile to himself at Dean's reaction to the music even though deep down he still really wanted to change their current driving soundtrack. I woke up briefly and heard them bickering quietly, but I didn't move much from my current position because I didn't want to tip them off that I was awake. While Sam was still trying to convince Dean to put in another cassette tape, I pulled Toby closer to myself and almost shuddered as I kissed his head so that I could drift back into a sound sleep.

_**Welcome to my Californian home You don't have to call me You can leave when you want There's a picture by my bed…** _

I woke up before Dean had slipped the Impala into park. He and Sam still seemed to be arguing about something (which was never a surprise when travelling with the Winchester brothers), but I remained completely focused on Toby. As Dean parked the car in my back yard, I tried to wake Toby as gently as possible by kissing his forehead as I shook his shoulders softly.

"Toby…? Buddy…? We're here," I whispered against his scalp as I continued to try to wake the young teen.

Once the vehicle was completely stationary, the speakers were silenced and Toby started to stir. As he sat up, I finally loosened my hold on his body.

"Are we…?" He started to ask with a groggy, sleepy voice.

I smiled to myself and let him finish waking up at his own pace but I couldn't help it and replied, "Yeah Buddy, we are."

After he had seemingly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, Toby focused on something outside of the car and cheerfully shouted, "Mom! Dad! They're here!"

I opened my door and swallowed hard before answering quietly, "Yeah Toby, they sure are."

I didn't allow myself to look over at Dean or Sam as Toby ran around the Impala towards his parents. After extracting myself from the backseat and closing the door, I tried to shrink away from Dean and move towards the trunk of the car even more so when I heard Toby yell as he ran towards them, "Mom…! Dad…! I missed you guys so much!"

Maureen scooped Toby into a tight hug at the same time that Dean reached me and whispered, "Lay? What's going on?"

I shrugged and refrained from answering his question to instead take a step towards the Connors. Maureen released Toby then shared a smile with me before she attempted to take a step forward in my direction.

"Mom don't forget that you have to be gentle," Toby playfully warned. "Auntie Addy is still a little bit sore from her car accident."

Maureen smiled serenely at her son and stroked his cheek saying, "I remembered Sweetheart, but thank you for the reminder none the less."

She took another couple of tentative steps towards me, so I took the initiative and ran up to her and enthusiastically wrapped my arms around her saying, "I'm absolutely fine Maureen, Toby's just being overly cautious." Maureen gave me a skeptical look so I elaborated, "Maureen, really I'm fine… While I was in the hospital, Castiel paid me a… Uhh… 'Visit'..."

She narrowed her eyes then quietly asked, "Paid you a 'visit' at the hospital? Do you mean like when he 'visited' me in the hospital?"

I nodded emphatically, so Maureen threw herself at me nearly shouting, "Oh Darling that's wonderful! I don't know what we'd do without you!"

"How about we not find out anytime soon?" I replied just barely holding back my tears.

Toby chuckled softly as he retrieved my bag from the trunk of the Impala and didn't seem to notice that Dean and Sam were standing there watching all of us in stunned amazement.

"Thanks again for letting me help you guys," the teen commented as he passed the Winchester brothers. "It was a lot of fun working with you Uncle Dean and Uncle Sam… Even if Addy got hurt… But you guys are the best! I really do appreciate you letting me tag along."

I was now standing beside both Maureen and Bill after I had finished exchanging greetings with the eldest male of the Connor clan. We all watched Toby hug Sam and then Dean while we were sporting he same elated smiles on our faces. Dean and Sam looked like they were trying not to show their confusion and I seemed to be the only one that noticed.

"So…? Adelaide…?" Maureen started optimistically. "Will you and the boys be staying in town for a while?"

I shook my head then almost whispered, "No Ma'am, I… We have to get going to our next job… It's… Well, it's kind of time sensitive."

"Oh… Alright… But you WILL stay to visit with us soon, right?" She asked as tears formed in her speech.

Toby hugged me tight then said, "Of course she will Mom!" He smiled brightly at me then continued, "And don't forget to let me know if I can help with anything Addy because you know…"

"School's letting out soon, so you'd like to have a project for summer break," I finished as I ran my hand over his hair and then cupped his cheek. "You know I'll call any chance I get Buddy, but don't forget that you have to work on your stance too. It has to be strong and solid if want to hone your timing so that you can read a fast ball better."

As Toby blushed, Bill called out, "Not to worry, we have that covered Addy."

I pulled Toby into another hug then hoarsely whispered to him, "I love you so much Buddy, be safe. I promise I'll call and I'm always here for you."

Toby gave me a quizzical look as he cautiously stepped out of my embrace. "I love you too Addy… I guess we'll talk soon, right?"

"Right," I agreed before I quickly turned and made my way back to the Impala. I tried my best not to run during my hasty retreat, but I couldn't help myself.

The Winchesters said their usual good byes to the Connors then they joined me in their proper places in the car. I had been able to get the majority of my angsty tears out before that, so Dean just caught me drying my cheeks when he adjusted the rear view mirror to look at me.

"Lay…?"

"They deserve to have a happy life too," I replied confidently. "Plus it was your idea, so don't you dare get pissed off at me for borrowing it."

Dean glared at me, so I tried to match his intense gaze the best that I could until Sam cautiously said, "Uh… Guys? They ARE looking pretty happy… Umm… Maybe we should smile, wave and get into the details a little bit later… You know, before they get suspicious?"

I quickly turned my head to look out the window and was met with Toby's jovial looking face which broke my heart completely into tiny pieces. As I smiled and waved at him, I asserted through clenched teeth, "What's done is done, so there's NOTHING for us to get into later. Now let's go!"

Before either of them could properly react to my outburst, I had bundled up my jacket and had curled up into a ball on the bench seat with my back to them. Neither of them tried to press the matter in the car during the drive, but Dean did swiftly exchange Toby's mix tape for one of the cassettes that he had been forcing Sam to listen to prior to meeting his son.

I didn't actually sleep much, if at all, but I let them believe that I was sleeping soundly so that I wouldn't have to talk about what had happened in my back yard. Once we got back to Bobby's place, I didn't move at all and heard Sam tell Dean to let me rest. I stayed curled up on the seat and listened for them to go into the house and even after that I still waited a few more minutes to ensure that I wouldn't run into them. When I felt a new surge of tears hit me, I let them fall briefly then willed them away and forced those feelings to the back of my mind.

As I carefully closed the back door, trying my best not to make any noise, I heard Dean clear his throat loudly. I knew that he wasn't going to let me drop the subject I was avoiding up until now, but I wasn't going to let him force me to talk about it easily either.

I turned my back to him and started to walk away until Dean grabbed my arm and yanked me back towards him.

"Lay… I'm not… Look, can't we at least talk about it so I have the details?"

I looked up at him then after a few deep breaths I explained, "After you asked Castiel to… And then after I convinced him not to… I got to thinking… Maybe you were right… Kind of…"

Dean nodded then led me to the backstairs. He remained quiet, so I continued, "I've never wanted him to feel pressured into following our footsteps… And then after what happened with Sydney, I noticed that he seemed to be a bit more… Umm… Withdrawn… So I just wanted him to have the choice that neither of us had at his age… I want him to be able to have a normal life if that's what he chooses without having to worry about what he thinks we want…"

I had tried to shift away from Dean, but he wouldn't let me. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into a hug as I spoke.

"Yeah, I get that," he commented quietly then kissed my head.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before, but I really just didn't get a chance you know?" I apologized against his chest.

"It's alright, but how…? I mean, what does he remember…? About me? Us?"

I sat back to look up at him as I replied, "He remembers everything except for who we really are… Maureen and Bill adopted him when he was a baby, but they have never met his birth mother, so I'm just Auntie Addy… Or Addy… Like I was when he first found out he was adopted."

"And that would make me Uncle Dean then, huh?"

"Yeah, you are… But he still thinks you're the coolest guy he's ever met… That you're a real-life superhero…" I answered while avoiding eye contact. "So… You really aren't angry?"

"No, I'm not. You did what you thought was best," Dean said as he leaned down to kiss me.

I pushed back off his chest as he finally relented to take a breath because I felt that I should try to further explain my rationale to him. But before I could speak, Sam interrupted us by calling out, "Hey guys? Bobby has something he needs to tell us."

Dean and I helped each other to our feet then we followed Sam into the house. The three of us then found Bobby as he was gathering up some books and other supplies together at his desk. We didn't have to announce our presence before Bobby started to speak and to explain what he wanted to tell us.

"Eleanor called… She said that she had something important that she wanted to tell us… In person," Bobby stated with his back still turned to us.

I turned to the brothers and mouthed, "Who's Eleanor?"

"Dr. Visyak… From San Francisco," Dean answered through a whisper.

"The dragon lady?" I exclaimed quietly.

They both chuckled then nodded. Bobby overheard their quiet laughter and whipped around angrily asking, "Is there something funny about Elle having information for us?"

We all stood up straight and very humbly replied, ""No… No Sir."

"Good to know. Now we'll leave at first light so that we can get some shut eye before we repack our supplies to hit the road," he stated plainly without sounding like he was actually giving orders.

All three of us nodded then answered, "Yes Sir."

Sam was the first to say a quick goodnight then he left the room to go upstairs. I took Dean by the hand as we said our goodnights to Bobby and then I turned to lead Dean out of the room.

"And by 'shut eye' I mean getting actual sleep you two," Bobby cautioned.

Dean and I exited the room without saying another word. I was kind of afraid that Bobby would come to check up on us, so I simply changed into an oversized t-shirt and crawled into bed. When I felt that Dean had joined me, I rolled over to cuddle into his side.

"Thank you for saving us Dean… I don't think I remembered to say that earlier," I whispered into his neck.

He squeezed me close then replied against my hair, "There's nowhere else I would have wanted to be. I just wish that we could have…"

I leaned up to kiss him then said, "You got there soon enough. Now sleep… It sounds like we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

Since I had actually slept quite a bit in the car during the day with Toby safely in my arms, I wasn't feeling overly tired. So after tossing and turning for a while, I decided to let Dean sleep and slipped out of the room after pulling on a pair of yoga pants along with an over-sized hoody. There was never a shortage of reading materials at Bobby's house, so I made myself comfortable behind his desk to read through some of the books he had left out about Purgatory in the hopes that that would help to tire me out a bit.

"I thought you were going to rest," a sleepy sounding voice commented behind me.

I straightened up from the fridge with a beer in one hand and a bowl of left over chili in the other. My response sprang up to the tip of my tongue immediately, but I managed to keep it to myself until I was seated so that I could say it in such a way that I could force my tone to sound light and amused.

"I did… In the car… Right now I'm just hungry." Bobby gave me a disapproving look as he retrieved a beer for himself and joined me at the table. "But what about you old man? Are you getting enough sleep lately?"

"I'm fine," the older hunter replied defensively.

When I realized that my joke had failed, I reached across the table and took his hand while more tenderly saying, "I know Bobby… You're amazing."

He looked up and we shared a soft smile which signaled our call for a truce. "So…? Eleanor…? She's…?"

"A friend," he answered abruptly without any force or malice.

I simply nodded then continued drinking my beer. After we were mostly done our drinks and my bowl was empty, I got up to get us a refill.

"Bobby? Can I ask you something? All jokes and quips aside?"

He looked up from attempting to open his second bottle to solemnly answer, "Of course you can Koala Bear. You know that you can ask me anything."

"How…?" I started shyly. "How'd you do it?"

Bobby placed his bottle to the side then stilled my fidgeting fingers to catch my attention as he asked, "How'd I do what Addy?"

I swallowed hard before I tried to explain without taking my eyes of my nail as it picked at my bottle's label, "You fought it… I mean you beat it…" I stole a quick glance at Bobby and he still didn't look like he understood what I was trying to ask, but for some reason I still found it hard to express myself verbally. "You kept it from… I mean… You didn't let it… It couldn't stab Dean while it was in your body…"

"Oh Addy…" He replied completely stunned. "Is this…? Does…? Are you worried about what happened with…?"

"Yes," I whispered tearfully before he could complete his question. "You were able to stop it… So… How'd you do it Bobby? I tried… So hard… Well, at least I thought that I did, but I… I couldn't stop him… I couldn't shut him up…"

Bobby moved to a chair on my side of the table and then took my shaking hands in his, but he thankfully didn't try to force me to look up from my lap into his sorrow-filled eyes.

"Addy you can't beat yourself up about that… I only had to wrestle with 'Henchmen Number Three' in Meg's gang, but you had… It was… He… He knows you and knows a lot about what makes you tick, so he knew what to look for to hurt you… That isn't your fault… Really it isn't…"

"But the things I said Bobby, they… They were so horrible," I explained while fighting a losing battle not to give into my tears.

When he squeezed my hand, I finally looked up into Bobby's compassion filled eyes. "But that wasn't YOU Koala Bear. Dean knows that and well… You've made sure that Toby won't remember any of it…"

"De-Dean… He-he told you?" I stammered as my bottom lip started to quiver.

"No, he waited for you outside, but Sam told me everything the best that he could. I'm not sure that I totally agree with what you've decided to do with your son because I think that that boy should know who his mother is because she's such an amazing woman…" He commented lovingly. "But I also know you and I trust your judgment and trust that you have your reasons for doing it."

"I do," I whispered. "I… I just…"

Bobby stopped me there by patting my hands and saying, "Shh… You don't have to explain… At least not right now, alright?"

"Thanks Bobby…" I stared at my hands in silence until Bobby started to stand up. "So that's it Bobby? You think that it was just because it was Sydney that I wasn't able to stop him?"

"Yes Addy I do think… I mean, I know that you couldn't defeat him only because it was Sydney. Be honest here, has there been anyone else in your life that has been able to do that to you?"

I shook my head sadly replying, "No… No, no one else has been able to make me feel that small… I think that's why Crowley fed me to him when my deal came due…"

"Addy… He…? You…?" Bobby held my cheeks with a pained look on his face even though I tried to look away and hide myself from him and then he simply said, "Koala Bear, I'm so sorry… I didn't know"

I quietly replied, "Me too."

We both returned to drinking our beers in silence while avoiding eye contact until Bobby asked, "Hey? Koala Bear…? Can I ask you something?"

I almost laughed at the timid tone Bobby used then answered, "I've never stopped you before, have I?"

"No, no you haven't… So…" He proceeded with caution trying not to upset me. "How…? How was Sy…? How was he able to possess you?"

I shook my head as I answered, "I honestly have no idea because I've had my tattoo for over a dozen years now… I don't know… Maybe he's more powerful than most demons? Maybe because we're blood?"

"Or could… Could it have been damaged?" He questioned softly.

"I… I… I don't think so," I answered with a hard scowl on my face. "I've always tried to be really careful with it… I haven't even gone to get my legs waxed because I wasn't sure if that could wreck the pigment at all…"

We both looked down at the tabletop as if we would be able to see my feet through it then Bobby offered, "Couldn't hurt to check it, could it?"

With a shake of my head, I stood up and put my foot up on my seat. As I pulled up my pant leg, Bobby gasped softly followed by an astounded and sad sounding, "Addy…"

I kept my embarrassed eyes on my leg then turned it so that the scar of Raphael's hand print was facing away from Bobby's eye-line. Once my tattoo was visible, I leaned in to give it a closer inspection.

When I saw what I was looking for (but desperately hoping not to see), I let out a quiet, "Fuck me!"

Bobby leaned in to try to see what had me angry, and then he saw that one of Raphael's fingers had seared through my tattoo and blanched the ink through part of two of the rays causing him to apologetically say, "Oh God… Addy… I'm so sorry."

I quickly slipped my foot off the seat and pulled my pant leg down. "Yeah… Well, now we know," I stated very matter-of-factly as I tried to cover up for my own panic and chagrin. "When I get a chance I'll get that fixed."

Bobby grabbed my arm then stared at me with a look in his eyes that gave me the impression that he wanted to say something else, but he knew me well enough to know that I wasn't ready to get into the details of everything at this moment in time, so he didn't push me. He instead hugged me tight then held my face almost too tightly before kissing my forehead.

"I have something that will be of help to you until you are able to Koala Bear," he finally stated as he left the room.

I wiped away a tear then called out to him, trying my best to joke away the pain, "If it's a Sharpie, I've already got one Bobby!"

He came back into the kitchen with his signature disapproving, fatherly frown on his face as he held a necklace out to me. "Or you could just wear this and not have to worry as much til you get your tattoo fixed."

I took it from him with a sheepish grin, feeling slightly ungrateful at this moment in time.

"Thanks Bobby, you really are the best," I hoarsely whispered as I sat down and worked at untying the cord's knot. When I looked up briefly and saw the confused look on Bobby's face, I pulled out the medallion I was wearing as I explained, "Dean got it back from Toby for… Uhh… Me… A while ago… I can't… I don't want to take it off…"

Bobby nodded then quietly replied, "Of course not… They'll fit together nicely." He helped me to fasten the chain around my neck then gently added, "And you should try to get some sleep… We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

As I released my hair and let it cascade over my back, I got up, kissed his forehead and countered playfully, "So should you Bobby. We'll need you in top form."

"I will," he promised with a cheeky grin.

At the door to the hallway, I stopped and added, "I found something… About Purgatory. It's in the book that I left on the top of the pile. It might be important, but I'm not sure." Bobby nodded and whispered, "Thank You." I took a step out, but hesitated then turned back to him to ask, "We can stop him, right? We can get OUR Castiel back, can't we?"

"That's the plan Koala Bear." When he noticed that I didn't look convinced he added, "If anyone can, it would be us, right?"

Dean and Sam shared the driving duties so that we could reach our destination on time (or as soon as possible when it came to Dean driving). Bobby was stuck in the backseat with me, slightly cramped among the books that he was still taking notes from when he wasn't checking his phone for the time or any new messages from Eleanor. I tried more than once to help Bobby with his note taking and such, but on more than one occasion I dropped a book or smacked Sam in the back of the head with an elbow when I moved, so I stopped trying to help. The only thing that kept Bobby from getting overly upset at my clumsiness was that he had also been watching my demeanor during the drive. I had taken out my cell phone a few times to check my voicemails, emails or text messages, but all three inboxes were empty. I almost started typing a message more than once, but stopped myself when I felt tears spring up into my eyes.

Bobby squeezed my knee tightly, but when I looked over at him he was pointedly not looking at me and he just continued to read through the book that was in his lap. I breathed in a long gust of air and shoved my phone deep down into my pocket then tried my best to push those thoughts of Toby into the back of my mind as I returned to watching the scenery that was passing by my window.

Once we reached our destination, Bobby somehow convinced Dean to park a few (or more) blocks away from the actual meeting point he had set up with Dr. Visyak in the hopes of us keeping a low profile. As we walked down the sidewalk, Dean started to grumble, albeit softly to himself, so I grabbed his arm to pull him aside and away from the other two men.

"Dean…" I nearly hissed in his direction. "I don't… That's enough belly-aching… Can't you see that Bobby's really worried about Eleanor right now? So we have to walk a bit to get to her… So what? Get over it! Now!"

He looked over at Bobby then back at me before solemnly answering, "Yeah… Okay… Sorry."

We then jogged a few steps to catch up with Dean's brother and our oldest friend. Once we had easily fallen back into step with them, they turned down to walk down a dank, smelly alleyway that didn't appear to look any different from any other big city alley that I had seen before today.

Dean looked like he might have wanted to start to complain again, but I couldn't admonish him because my phone rang and the ring tone completely froze me in my place. Dean paused briefly at the sound then we shared a look before he nodded for me to take the call.

I almost turned around before answering the call, but I wanted to keep an eye on the three of them until I could catch up to them.

"Hey… B-Buddy…How's… How's it going?" I asked hesitantly.

" _Hey Addy! Everything's okay. I'm really sorry to bug you right now, but I think I might have found something that you and the guys might want to know,"_ he answered sounding unusually timid.

I assumed that he was just matching my tone, so I tried to sound more confident when I said, "Toby… Never apologize for calling if you have information that you've found for us."

Toby sighed and then explained more excitedly, _"Well I've been able to finally find a bunch of stuff about Purgatory… It's going to take a while to weed through it all, but then I just tried to go off all of that stuff that you guys found out about H.P. Lovecraft and all… And… Well I found out that there definitely IS a way to open a portal to Purgatory."_

"A portal? So it's like a door or something?"

" _Yeah,"_ he answered with a chuckle. _"Just think of it like the Devil's Gate that got opened by the demon in Wyoming."_

I resisted the urge to laugh and interrupted him with a mildly annoyed, "Yes, I get the picture… But thanks for the history lesson."

Toby still sounded quite cheeky when he said, _"Well you sounded kind of confused, so I thought that I would try to clarify it for you."_

"And that you did… So Mister Smarty Pants, any word about how one opens said portal? Or where it's opened and such?"

" _No, sorry that's been really tough to find. All that I have so far is that there's a special incantation or something, but that's all that I could come up with… I'm sorry Addy,"_ he answered sounding truly apologetic.

"And that's a lot Toby… Don't apologize Buddy… You did really great work and it all sounds like it fits with what Bobby was told," I replied trying to somewhat ease his mind. "But if you could keep digging around to see if you can get to the bottom of 'how' then we might be able to get a step ahead, you know?"

" _Yeah, I'll see what I can do."_

During our conversation, I had started pacing and then stopped with my back turned to the men. As I started my reply to Toby, I realized I couldn't see them so I turned around and then quietly exclaimed, "Oh shit!" when I saw Bobby on his knees with Sam and Dean standing behind him. Although I was quite a ways away from them I could tell that they were shifting their weight from foot to foot and watching him worriedly.

" _What's wrong Addy?"_ Toby asked slightly panicked.

"I… I don't know Toby," I slightly stammered before I had fully collected my thoughts. "But don't worry about it right now, okay? You keep up the good work researching and I'll call you soon, okay?"

" _Yeah… Okay…"_ He replied still sounding quite unsure.

"Really Toby everything will be fine," I asserted once again. "And I promise, once I know what this is all about I'll call you later and fill you in, alright? I love you so much Buddy… You mean the world to me."

When Toby heard my voice break, Toby replied with a confused sounding, _"Yeah… Uhh… I love you too Addy… Umm… I'll keep working and see what I can find for you… I'll uhh… Talk to you soon."_

"Oh… Toby… I…" I attempted to apologize, but I stopped when I hear the CLICK of Toby hanging up his phone.

I stared at my phone's screen until it turned black and then I finally pried my eyes away to look at the scene ahead of me. As much as I wanted to stand in my spot and over analyze every word that was said between Toby and I, but I had to help out with what was happening in front of me right now.

Dean was asking someone a question when I got to his side, so I stayed as quiet as I could. Although I couldn't help but gasp loudly when I saw Bobby kneeling over a woman with what could only be a nasty looking cut across her gut by the amount of blood we could see on her shirt.

She shook her head then replied with a pained voice, "Tomorrow… The moon… An eclipse… I'm sorry Bobby."

Bobby squeezed her hand that he was holding to interrupt, "No, it's okay… It's okay."

Eleanor shook her head then repeated, "I'm sorry, really sor…"

"Tell us where they are," Bobby cut in when he recognized that she didn't have much time left to fight about her apologizing.

She stared at him then we all saw her take her last breath and then the light faded from her eyes. Bobby gently forced her eye lids closed then the four of us shared a sad, sympathetic look.

I was just about to offer a few quiet words of condolence to Bobby when we heard, "I'm sorry this had to happen." Bobby stood up with us as well all turned around to face Castiel while he continued, "Crowley got carried away."

Bobby moved to step forward to try to punch or grab Castiel as he yelled, "Yeah, I bet it was all Crowley you son of a bitch!"

Dean pushed Bobby back as Sam stepped to his left to further barricade the older man while I watched the argument in horrified confusion.

"You don't even see it, do you?" Dean retorted angrily. "How totally off the rails you are?"

Castiel was quick to interrupt Dean's potential angry tirade saying, "Enough! I don't care what you think. I've tried to make you understand. You won't listen, so let me make it simple. PLEASE, go home and let me stop Raphael. I won't ask again."

"Well good," Dean answered with a slight hint of sarcasm. "'Cause I think you already know the answer."

The angel shook his head and almost looked sad as he said, "I wish it hadn't come to this. Well rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam… But only if you stand down."

I had slipped my hand into Dean's during his back and forth with Castiel and I squeezed it tightly as he asked skeptically, "Save Sam from what?"

By the time Dean had finished his question, Castiel had disappeared. I released his hand and before I could turn Dean around to ask him what I had missed, Castiel reappeared behind Sam. None of us had a chance to react before he placed his fingertips to Sam's temple.

I quickly grabbed Castiel's arm before he could disappear pleading, "Cas… There HAS to be another way… Please let us help you…"

The angel just shook his head and whispered, "No… There isn't…" before he disappeared again.

Sam's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he sounded like he was having some difficulties breathing. Dean ran to his brother's side and helped him as gently as he could to the ground. I fell to my knees at Sam's side and instinctively checked his pulse and his chest to make sure he was in fact breathing.

Dean abruptly pulled Sam up by his lapels nearly shouting, "Sammy? Sam? Sam! What did he do to you?"

As I sat up on my knees on the verge of bursting into frustrated tears, Bobby leaned down and quietly said into my ear, "We need to get out of here, but the Impala's…"

"Too far away to carry Sam to…" I distractedly replied as I watched Dean trying to wake his brother up. I quickly shook my head and nearly knocked Bobby over when I stood up saying, "Right… Why don't I…?" When Bobby smiled, I more sheepishly continued, "Which is what you were getting at… I'll be right back Bobby."

Dean remained completely focused on Sam up until the moment when he felt me slipped my hand into his pocket. After I liberated his keys, I kissed his cheek and quickly explained, "I'll be right back with the car."

He smiled, but before he could thank me, I was back on my feet and running full speed down the alley. Eleanor had thankfully picked a spot that was quiet and devoid of much traffic (both pedestrian and vehicular), so I could speed back to their location with little complication or interruption.

When I got back, Bobby was now kneeling beside Sam as well. He and Dean appeared to be still continuing their seemingly futile attempts to wake Sam. Bobby heard the familiar rumble of the Impala's engine first and then tapped Dean's arm to get the younger man's attention. Dean just nodded in response and then they both worked to lift Sam's heavy frame off the ground to drag him to the car.

I tried to help them but quickly noticed that I wasn't doing much, if anything, of use at all, so I ran to the back door to open it. They were almost at the car so I had to quickly assess the situation and decide what else I could try to do to help. Before they could instruct me to do otherwise, I slid into the backseat so that I could try to help Dean and Bobby as they eased Sam onto the bench seat.

Bobby inadvertently slammed the door closed as I repositioned Sam's head in my lap. As I petted his head, I whispered anything I could think of into Sam's ear in an attempt to comfort him even though I wasn't sure that he was able to hear me at all.

Dean went to step away to the front door, but Bobby gripped his forearm tightly asking, "Hey, are you alright to drive son?"

Dean nodded with a soft, sad smile answering, "Yeah, of course I am… I have to be, right?"


	20. If You Know What I Mean

Bobby came into the kitchen to get a drink, but I didn't notice him until he leaned against the sink and asked, "Do you have something interesting there?"

I sat back in my chair and rubbed my eyes replying, "I really don't know… Toby wasn't lying when he said that he had found a lot of information… I'm still trying to sort through it all to get it into some sort of order."

He walked over to my side, placed an open bottle of beer in front of me on the table and then briefly massaged my shoulders saying, "Well we basically have the 'when' and 'how', so all we really need is the 'where' to have all of the answers."

"Yeah… I know… And that's what I've been trying to focus on, but there's just so much to get through," I replied hanging my head slightly.

Bobby squeezed my shoulders then softly said, "Maybe it's time for you to take a short break? You know… Maybe grab a bite to eat…? Help you get a little perspective?"

I stood then smiled softly as I nodded and made my way over to the fridge. "How's he doing Bobby?"

When I turned around, Bobby just tilted his head and raised an eyebrow as his response. "Right… Right… Of course," I chuckled quietly. "I think I'll start by going down and seeing if I can get something other than whiskey into him."

"Sounds like a good plan Koala Bear… I'll see if I can make any headway in finding our feathered… Uhh… Friend and company."

When I finally did make it downstairs, I paused at the open door of the Panic Room and just watched Dean sadly for a moment. He was in practically the exact same spot that Bobby and I had left him in when we had finally finished painting the last of the protection sigils on the room's walls. The only difference now that I could decipher was that he was leaning his head on a glass that was a third full of whiskey. Even though he had his eyes closed, I knew that there was absolutely no way Dean would be praying, especially at a time like this. He hadn't come close to saying an actual, earnest prayer since speaking with Joshua in Heaven. He did however put on a show for Bill and Maureen in front of Toby whenever we had dinner with them while they said 'Grace' so that Toby wouldn't cause a fuss.

I silently placed my duffle bag on the floor beside Sam's bed opposite to where Dean was seated while trying my best not to disturb him at all. He raised his head when I gently touched his shoulder and before he could speak, I passed him a plate with two sandwiches on it saying, "I thought that you might be hungry."

He put his glass down on the table top to his right with a quiet, "Thanks" but then he just looked over from the sandwiches to Sam's face. All of us were beyond frustrated and worried about Sam's health, but I knew that Dean's guilt was probably eating away at his conscience more than any of us could even try to imagine.

I gently patted the back of his head while also giving the younger Winchester a long sad look and tried to reason with him by softly saying, "You really do need to eat something Dean… So that you can keep your strength up… Please?"

He nodded as I continued to pet his head and massage his neck. Once he started slowly eating, I returned to my duffle bag and knelt down beside Sam. If I hadn't known any better, I might have that that Sam was just sleeping serenely… However, I did know the brutal truth and it was hard for me not to cry… But I also knew that it wouldn't help anyone, least of all either Winchester, right now if I did shut down, so I held it in and force myself to try to stay strong.

"No changes?" I asked absentmindedly.

Dean shook his head and replied with his mouth still full of food, "None."

I couldn't help but smile as a quick laugh escaped my lips because as bad as everything was right now, Dean had just looked like my old Dean for a fleeting moment. He continued to eat slowly in relative silence while I worked at attaching something to Sam's bed frame. He wasn't sure what I was doing, but he actually trusted me enough to know that everything that I was doing would make perfect sense soon enough.

At least he remained silent until he saw me clean Sam's right hand and start to somewhat squeamishly insert a needle into one of his veins.

"Lay…? What the…?" He asked very slowly as his confusion threatened to bubble over into full-fledged anger.

I finally got the needle into the vein, but before I properly taped it, I quickly held up a bag filled with a clear, colorless liquid saying, "Whoa… Whoa! I just thought that this might be of some help."

He was half standing and didn't move as his face contorted with confusion.

"I… Umm… I pocketed a couple of IV bags from the hospital," I explained as I continued to hook the bag to a tube running form Sam's hand. "Comas have seemed to have become sort of common place for all of us… And umm… I remembered how shitty I felt after my little incident that Cupid fixed, but… Uhh… After my car accident I didn't… Well… I did feel like shit, but that was because I… You know… Found out about… And… Umm… Yeah… And then I didn't eat for… Well you know… But they hooked me up to one of these things… So I figured… You know… Since we don't know how long that he could be… You know…"

I had kept my attention focused on my hands during my rambling, so I didn't notice Dean's reaction at all. While I continued to fiddle with the tubes and the bag to make sure that the liquid was flowing properly, Dean stood up and walked around the bed to my side.

I was still mumbling a few more words about my rationale when Dean almost roughly grabbed my arm. As he forced me to look at him, I started apologizing and repeating, "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to upset you…"

He then quickly leaned over and kissed me. The momentum of his embrace nearly knocked me over, but he wrapped one of his arms around my back to help ground me. I barely had a chance to react and reciprocate before he pulled back and rested his forehead against mine with a heavy sigh.

Even though I couldn't remotely see his face at this angle, I knew that Dean had his eyes shut tightly as he fisted a handful of my hair right at the nape of my neck while we tried to catch our breath.

"Don't… Just… You… Thank you…"

I remained completely still and quietly replied, "I just hope that it helps."

"It does… A lot…" He commented just as I felt a tear fall from his cheek onto my head.

I thought the he might pull away, but then he surprised me by falling to his knees and pulled me into a tight, almost uncomfortable hug. Dean had been on the receiving end of many a tear-filled breakdown that I had thrown at him over the years, but he had never initiated one himself. All that I could do was wrap my arms around him as he buried his face into my neck. He wasn't actually crying anymore, but we both remained on our knees holding each other until our arms stared to hurt.

After opening my mouth to speak more than once, I realized that I really didn't have any idea what I could possibly say that would be of any help right now. I quickly swallowed a sob, bit my lip hard and then pulled him impossibly closer to me.

The only thing that I could think to do in order to try to comfort him right then was to run my hands up and down Dean's back with intermittent circles on his shoulder blades. He didn't move but I felt his breath even out on my skin, so I hoped that whatever I was doing was working, even if it was only a minute amount. I started to feel slightly uncomfortable because the iron floor of the Panic Room was starting to fatigue my knees, so in an effort to ignore my pain, I shifted my position slightly and kissed the side of Dean's head.

As soon as I moved, I heard Dean utter a quiet "Fuck", so I pushed back on Dean's shoulders asking in a mild panic, "What…? What's wrong? What'd I do Dean?"

He stood up, but for some reason I remained on my knees where I was. Dean turned around and while he had his back to me, he rubbed his knees then replied, "Fuck this floor is hard… How are you still able to kneel on it?"

I was shaking my head as he took my hand and gently pulled me to my feet. I ran my thumbs under his eyes then light-heartedly said, "Iron floor? Pffft… That's nothing after you've given birth to a Winchester."

Dean almost cracked a smile, so I stood up on my tip-toes to peck his lips. "But seriously… I just want you to know that I'm here… Whatever you need, I'll do my best to get it."

He took my hands off his face and held them at our waists. I tried to hold his gaze but he slowly turned his head to look down at his brother saying, "I appreciate it, but…"

With a squeeze of my hands on his, I jumped in, "I'll bring you down some dinner later." He nodded but didn't seem to be actually listening to anything that I was saying so I just kissed his cheek and quickly added almost tearfully, "Just yell if you need… want anything else, okay?"

During my hasty retreat, I couldn't help but steal a glance over by shoulder at the two brothers. Dean was back on his chair with his elbows on his knees and his chin resting on his fists. I breathed out a sigh then forced myself to leave the room before I started to cry because I knew that none of this was about me, so I had to ignore my feelings of unease right now.

With each step I took up the stairs, my body felt heavier and heavier. When I finally reached the top step, I rested my hand on the doorknob and took in a few deep breaths to make sure that I was able to remain composed and collected even though I knew that Bobby would be able to see through my façade no matter what face I tried to portray.

Once I finally opened the door, I was greeted by a somber looking Bobby who had a half filled glass of whiskey in each hand. We didn't say anything to each other as I took one gratefully and then he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and we both moved fluidly towards the study. I made myself comfortable on the couch and to my surprise Bobby didn't go to sit behind his desk like he normally would. Instead he found a seat beside me on the couch.

After finishing my drink in two quick swallows, I exchanged my now empty glass for an open book off of one of the random piles by the couch. I was eager to get back to our research, but after I read a passage on the page to which the book was opened, I inadvertently dropped it in my state of shock.

"You know… If you two were any more alike, I'd be demanding that we run a DNA test to make sure that you two aren't actually related."

I couldn't make eye contact with Bobby as I whispered my answer, "I just thought that if one of us could see what he was going through… What was happening… Then maybe we would be able to figure out how to help him… You know… Kind of like they did for you in Pittsburgh?"

Bobby took a second to think about his response and then he smiled to himself when he thought that he had the perfect retort. He held both of my hands with his right hand before he turned my chin so that I would be facing him with the fingers of his left hand.

"Alright, so going off your reasoning… And only going off of that right now… Why don't you tell me all about your months…? I mean decades that you spent in Hell?" He finally asked with more than a hint of sarcasm. "You know… So that I can help you with that and all?"

I stared at him mutely then shook my head while quietly replying, "No… I… I can't Bobby… I can't go through it all again… It was hard enough to describe when I told… told…"

"You told Dean?" He finished in complete awe. When I diverted my gaze and just chewed my lip, Bobby released my hands and caressed my cheek saying, "I'm just glad that you talked to someone… Especially after what Cas told me…"

"Cas…? He told you something about me…? Being in Hell? And… and… you… you think he was telling the truth?"

He nodded answering, "With what's happening to Sam and everything that I saw once Dean got back, what he told me more than makes perfect sense."

I leaned in and hugged his neck and then sat back to resolutely reply, "Well even if… I mean… That might be true, but right now we all have to focus all of our energies on Sam and on finding Castiel… Anything that he thinks is going on with me can wait…"

Bobby gave me a brief pained look then he inhaled sharply before saying, "You're right… You're right… So, any ideas what we should try next?"

I unconsciously stroked my abdomen while I gave his question some serious thought. Bobby watched me then started to close up the various books about Ubulawu and dream walking that he had left out to force me to be straight with him. As he piled them up on the floor he stayed on the couch with me trying to read my facial expressions in an attempt to also get a read on my thoughts.

Just before I spoke, I grasped my St. Hubert medallion and rubbed it between my thumb and forefinger. "I know that you… you tried already… but I still think that Balthazar is our best bet."

"Well I performed the same ritual that Sam and Dean used the last time he helped us and that hasn't worked yet," Bobby explained as he poured us each another round.

He sipped at his drink while taking a seat at his usual spot behind his desk, but I just stared down into the liquid while running my thumb around the lip of the glass.

"Yeah… I know, I saw you out back…" I replied to my drink. "But… Umm…. I hoped… I was thinking that since he and I sort of bonded when he found me and save me from Raphael and then… Umm… Then he came to me to offer his help with the… Uhh… Baby… So… Umm… I was hoping that I could…"

"Exploit his soft spot for you," Bobby finished for me with a suggestive eyebrow raise.

My cheeks burned hot under an embarrassed blush as I replied, "Well, I was going to say that I was hoping that I would actually be able to reach him because he seems to have a soft spot for me… But 'toe-may-toe' 'toe-mah-toe'."

Bobby smile then conceded, "Well when you put it that way, it sounds like it could work… Or at least it couldn't hurt anything for you to try. Everything that you need is still out back."

I nodded then finished reading through one of the book that I had set aside after Toby had suggested that I read it so that I could learn a bit more about Purgatory. Bobby had been under the impression that I would jump at the chance to run out and try Balthazar's summoning ritual, but the truth of the matter was that I was truly afraid that it wouldn't work. The angel had ignored Bobby for nearly two days straight now, so I couldn't help but wonder what chance I really had to succeed. If he didn't show up, I would be crushed and then we would potentially lose our last hope of finding Castiel and Crowley in time.

Before Bobby could comment on my lack of action, I closed my book, downed my drink in one almost painful gulp and then quietly announced, "Okay… So… I'll head on out then… Wish me luck."

As I stood up slowly, Bobby walked around his desk and then pulled me into a hug saying, "Not that you really need it, but 'Good luck' Koala Bear."

He then held my face as I smiled and replied, "Thanks Bobby. I'll try my best."

After kissing my forehead, Bobby offered a comforting, "That's all that we can ask of you."

I picked up a couple of books then awkwardly explained, "Just in case Balthazar is feeling a little shy. Hopefully I'll see you soon… We have twelve hours before they can open the portal, right?"

"Fourteen," he corrected gently. "But don't worry yourself about that… Just focus on what we can do right now."

Smiled and nodded answering with a quiet, "Yes sir" before exiting the house.

At Bobby's makeshift garage, I check over Bobby's handiwork and sighed sadly because his inscriptions looked immaculate. I had secretly hoped that he had unintentionally drawn one of the eight symbols that were required to complete the ritual incorrectly, but of course Bobby's handiwork was completely perfect. I couldn't help but triple check that Bobby had brought out all of the proper ingredients and talismans, but I just once again kicked myself because I shouldn't have doubted that he would have had everything that was needed.

I walked a full circle around the makeshift altar and tried to collect my thoughts in order to convince myself that I actual did have confidence that this plan would work. Even though I kept telling myself that I could do this, there was a nagging voice in the back of my mind asking, 'what if he doesn't come?' and 'what if you can't find them in time?'. I continued pacing while the reassuring voices in my head fought for dominance.

When I finally stopped walking around aimlessly, I still hadn't come to any finite resolutions, but I did come up with one idea that seemed to appease me.

"Maybe if I start from scratch," I reasoned out loud, hoping that I could calm my racing thoughts by keeping my hands busy.

After I carefully placed the last candle in place, I leaned back on my knees to scrutinize my own work. Everything was positioned perfectly and looked exactly like the diagram that sat on the ground to my left, but I was still feeling queasy with uncertainty.

As I knelt there, I put the box of matches I was holding on the ground and folded my hands in my lap quietly saying, "Lord… Umm… I… I know that you probably, most likely won't answer and that you want us all to learn to take care of a lot of this by ourselves, but… Uhh… Father…? Please? I could really use your help right now. Please Father, please…? Help me get through to him? Please? Umm… And… Lord? I'm sorry that I used an angel to… To… Change your plan… But… Well… Uhh… I won't make excuses Father, but still I'm sorry for my actions… Umm… Yeah… So… Uhh… Amen."

As soon as I opened my eyes, I quickly lit a match and tossed it into the bowl of herbs to complete the ritual before I lost my nerves. I hadn't realized that I was holding my breath until I inhaled and caught the faintest scent of the fragrant smoke. I did a quick scan around me and then finally got up to sit on a chair while I waited.

"Please Balthazar?" I pleaded through a whisper as I wiped away a tear and stared at the altar in front of me.

_**A hand on my upper back gently shook me awake and then its owner quickly stepped away. I instinctively stretched as I sat up while they remained completely silent. When I noticed that I was still seated at the table in the garage, I figured that I had fallen asleep and that it was Bobby who woke me to tell me to come in before I got sick or something along those lines and I felt a large lump form in my throat.** _

_**I didn't want Bobby to see me cry, so I forced myself to take a few deep breaths before I attempted to turn around. When I finally did twist my body around, I could only take in a shallow breath because I found that I could barely breathe at the site before me.** _

" _ **I've taken your breath away? My how you flatter me Addy," he commented with the barest hint of mocking astonishment.**_

_**When I got to my feet, I didn't feel like I had control of my body as I rushed over and wrapped my arms around his torso. "I didn't think that you were coming," I admitted into his chest.** _

" _ **Yes… Well, I'm here… Sort of," Balthazar replied as he gently pushed on my shoulders to force me to detach myself from his body.**_

" _ **Sort of?" I questioned as I quickly retracted my hands in response to his standoffish behavior.**_

_**He smirked then shrugged with an indifferent air. I went to shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans, but I found that I couldn't because I was no longer clothed in what I had fallen asleep wearing.** _

_**I smoothed down the front of the dress that I found myself wearing then questioned (mostly to myself) in a confused tone, "I'm sleeping?" I then slowly raised my eyes to look at the antsy angel in front of me and meekly asked, "You're visiting me in my dreams…? Why?"** _

_**He gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand to wipe away a tear then replied a little too jovially, "Well it's raining over at the Singer compound, this way I can take us somewhere more pleasant."** _

_**In the blink of an eye, Balthazar had us seated at a candle lit table in an empty fancy looking restaurant. He then picked up a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket and poured us each a glass. I watched him with confusion and frustration as he bit into a large strawberry with a cocky grin on his face.** _

" _ **Well you ARE an angel, you know?" I commented with a mild taunting tone. After I took a drink from my champagne flute I added, "You COULD have just zapped us somewhere in person."**_

" _ **But this way I can stay relatively under everyone's radar," he countered a little too seriously for my own comfort's sake.**_

_**I choked slightly on my drink then whispered an astounded, "Oh…" I then sat up straight in my chair and nervously rubbed my palms in my lap as I said, "Right… Of course you would… Sorry, I hadn't thought of that."** _

" _ **So… Once you're over you mini-meltdown, maybe we can get into why you couldn't just call me and had to resort to ancient rituals to speak with me," he calmly stated as he continued to enjoy his champagne.**_

_**I scowled hard at him then asked somewhat angrily, "Before I get into that, could you change me into something that I would actually wear?" I looked down at the dark red velvet halter style gown I was wearing and added, "I don't think that I've ever even owned a dress like this."** _

_**Balthazar refilled his glass slowly then flippantly commented, "Well you should because every woman should have a dress like that in her closet." I just stared at him wide eyed so he put his glass down and more gently offered, "This is your dream Addy… If you aren't happy with the wardrobe, you DO have the power to change it." After a slight pause he added, "But truth be told, you look quite stunning."** _

_**I looked down at myself again and blushed profusely. I started playing with my St. Hubert medallion then sheepishly admitted, "Well I guess what I'm wearing isn't really all that important."** _

_**Balthazar didn't attempt to hide his satisfaction and cocky grin before he finished the liquid in his glass. I shook my head trying not to show my embarrassment or amusement as I took a strawberry off the plate that the angel was offering to me.** _

_**The smile on my face faded as I placed the large berry on a plate and took a deep breath so that we could finally get down to the business at hand. "You know about Cas and Crowley, right?"** _

_**He nodded then humbly answered. "Yes, I do… Sam and Dean informed me of their plan when they enlisted my help to find you and your… Oh what are we calling him now? Your nephew? Neighbor?"** _

" _ **Toby… Just call him Toby," I answered barely over a whisper. He offered me a sad smile of contrition, so I popped the cork off a fresh, chilled bottle of champagne then continued, "Okay… So I can only assume that means that you know what they are planning to do…"**_

" _ **No assumptions required Beautiful… Yes, I know exactly what my little brother means to do with the demon."**_

" _ **Well we're going to stop him… Them…" I asserted confidently.**_

" _ **Oh you are, are you?" He interrupted sarcastically. "And how do you and your little playmate plan on doing that?" He squinted slightly then continued, "Especially since his gigantic brother is out of commission?" He paused to cluck his tongue a couple of times. "Cassie has been spending too much time down here… He's gotten soft… The old Castiel would have just killed him… And Dean to keep them from getting in his way…"**_

 _**I inadvertently gasped out an astonished, "Balthazar!" so he placed a hand to his chest and uttered a wounded, "I didn't say that** _ **I** _**would do such a thing Addy… It's just that our old Castiel was more of a 'get in my way and you're dead' type of warrior. Lucky for you he's changed."** _

_**I was nibbling at a strawberry while he spoke to keep myself from interrupting him and then I washed it down with a large gulp of champagne. He was watching me while he waited for my response and when our eyes met he smiled and wiggled his eyebrows somewhat suggestively.** _

" _ **Well… That would be where you come in," I explained to the tabletop when I suddenly started feeling too shy to ask him what we need of him. "We could really use your help finding them… We've already figured out the 'what' and 'how' because we of course know the 'who' and 'why', but we have no idea about the 'where'… All we need is for you to tell us where Castiel is right now."**_

_**Balthazar held his glass up so he could look through the liquid as he asked, "And what make you think that I would tell you that juicy piece of information?"** _

_**I shrunk back slightly in my chair answering, "Well…" Then I looked down at the undeniably sexy dress I was wearing then I felt my cheeks start to burn. "Well… Uhh…"** _

_**While I stared at my somewhat bare chest, my clothing swiftly changed back into my more usual apparel of jeans and a long sleeve shirt under an over sized flannel shirt (that suspiciously looked like one of Dean's) that I had been wearing back in the real world. My eyes snapped up to Balthazar's face and he just smiled saying in a smooth voice, "I haven't helped you because of your aesthetically pleasing body..."** _

" _ **Then why?" I asked sharply to cut-off his impending ramble.**_

" _ **As I told you before, Raphael rubs me the wrong way and I want to do anything that I can to help stop him," he answered without hiding any of his annoyance.**_

" _ **And I don't?" I questioned crossly. After a brief staring contest, Balthazar's hard scowl broke into a faint smile so I continued more civilly, "What I meant to say was that you know that ultimately I want nothing more than to stop him too… But what Castiel is doing… Tell me that it's the only way to stop Raphael… Tell me that and I'll walk away and let him continue without complaint."**_

_**The angel looked very pensive as he drank from his champagne glass then he very calmly stated, "Well, I have already pledge my allegiance to Castiel…"** _

_**He continued to scrutinize his drink and even though he sounded like his statement wasn't finished, he didn't look like he was going to say anything else. I abruptly stood up and announced, "Oh… Fine… Okay… Well at least now I know where you loyalty lies. Thanks anyway."** _

_**As I started to walk away, Balthazar called out my name. I stopped in my place but didn't turn to look at him as I calmly said, "It's alright Balthazar, you've done too much for us already… Again thank you for that, but right now… If I'm actually sleeping in the position you found me in here, then I really need to wake up or I'll have one helluva kink in my neck that'll be a bitch to work out and I'm already cranky enough as it is."** _

_**As I continue out of the restaurant into the down pouring rain, I heard Balthazar chuckle softly so I finally allowed myself to crack a smile at my attempt at a joke.** _

This time when I woke up, I shivered then sighed sadly as I looked out towards Bobby's house because the skies were no longer clear and the weather looked identical to the weather Balthazar had been avoiding in my dreams. I put on my jacket then stared at a puddle while I stood at the outer edge of the roofing of the garage thinking to myself, _Well at least this way I can just say it's the rain if Bobby notices that I've been crying._

After letting out another heavy sigh, I readied myself to run through the yard to get inside so that I could give Bobby the bad news. Just before I stepped into the rain, I felt a hand grab my shoulder and halt me in my place. I didn't get a chance to turn to see who was stopping me before they transported us into the kitchen.

"You're right Addy… Stopping Raphael isn't worth sacrificing Castiel," Balthazar stated with a soft, reassuring squeeze on my shoulder.

I quickly turned around and hugged the angel tightly exclaiming, "OH THANK GOD!"

After hearing my loud excitement, Bobby rushed into the kitchen to find out what the commotion was all about. He and Balthazar shared a polite nod then Bobby  led him towards the basement without a word being spoken between them (at least out loud). Before he left the room, Balthazar gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my forearm.

I stayed behind and watched them disappear down the stairs as I allowed a few tears of relief to fall as I stumbled into the study. After downing a full glass of whiskey, I felt like I had calmed myself down enough to be able to carry on.

I was just finishing packing the last few essentials into a travel bag when Dean came into the room. He moved over to where he kept his duffle bag without noticing to me and fell to his knees beside the bed to retrieve it. When he couldn't find it, he pounded his fist on the floor and then stood up and angrily threw the door of the closet open to search for it in there.

"Dean?" I called out softly after I jumped at the loud bang of the closet door's knob hitting the wall. "Dean…? I have your bag right here."

He turned around slowly as I was closing the zipper and when he saw it in my hands, his face softened considerably. "Thanks… We need to get packed up so we can head out…"

I walked over to him and handed his bag off to him. Once he felt the full weight of the duffle, he gave me a slightly confused look so I explained, "I packed everything… Well everything I could think of that you and Bobby will need the best I could… I just wanted to give you a bit of a head start…"

Dean placed the bag on the bed then pulled me into a hug whispering, "Thanks Lay." After a couple of seconds, he abruptly pushed me away so that he could look me in the eye and asked, "Wait… You said for me and Bobby…?"

"Yeah," I answered as I took both of his hands in mine. "When Sam wakes up he… He might not be feeling well enough to drive and all… This way I figured you two can stop Castiel and then we'll meet up with you there."

When Dean didn't reply immediately, I released his hands then worriedly asked, "That is okay, right? But… but if it isn't, I can quickly throw some stuff together so I can go with you guys."

Dean shook his head, kissed me softly then replied, "No… No, that's okay. You staying her with Sam would be more than fine. I… I don't know what I did to deserve you, but… Thanks Lay."

I picked up his bag in one hand and took of his hands in the other to lead him out of the room as I answered, "I'm pretty sure that you did the same thing that I did to deserve you… Now, let's go find Bobby."

We met the eldest hunter at the bottom of the stairs and when he saw that we only had one bag between us, he seemed to instinctively understand what was happening. Thankfully he let our decision stand without any protests and we all just continued in solemn silence.

As Dean and I followed him to the basement door, Bobby finally said, "Got a few more essentials downstairs that we'll need."

I remained at Dean's side as he stood looking down at his brother with the same sad look of frustration that had been etched on his face since he and Bobby had struggled to get Sam comfortable in the Panic Room. Bobby continued packing all of the items that he needed, then he patted me on the back and whispered, "See you soon Koala Bear."

As he continued to the door, Bobby more urgently called out, "Time's up Dean."

"Yeah, just a second." Dean released my hand then knelt down beside Sam holding the piece of paper Balthazar gave him saying, "Alright, this is where we're gonna be Sam. You get your lazy ass out of bed and come and meet us… Sammy… Please."

When Dean stood up and turned back towards me, he had a wounded, apologetic look on his face. I figured that he felt some measure of guilt about addressing his brother as if I wasn't in the room, but I understood that that was one of his ways of coping with Sam's condition, so I hugged him quickly then gave him as confident a smile as I could muster to try to reassure him.

"Drive safe Dean," I instructed softly into his ear when I pulled him close to me again. "I love you."

Dean muttered a quick, "Love you too", then released himself from my hold.

He then walked around to Sam's side and put his brother's handgun on top of the note with the address of Castiel's current location. I pulled up the chair that Dean had been sitting on and made myself relatively comfortable at Sam's side. When I looked up, I briefly caught Dean's eye just before he abruptly turned and left with Bobby.

Sam's facial expressions hadn't changed at all and his breathing remained unnervingly steady from what I could tell, which seemed to worry me more than anything else. I knelt down beside him, took his free hand in mine and kissed the back of it softly.

"Sam?" I questioned out loud. "I'm here… And I'm staying here with you until you wake up. But… But… S-sam… We ne-need you here," I pleaded as tears started to fall. "P-p-please wake up, S-sam… Please."

I don't know how long I was asleep this time, but I woke up to the sound of someone placing a clip into a handgun. For a brief moment in time I had forgotten where I was, so I stayed perfectly still, hoping that I hadn't tipped them off that I was now awake.

Somehow I managed not to jump in my seat when I felt them gently touch my back, but I did whip around when I heard Sam softly say, "Addy…? Addy?"

"SAM! You're awake!" I nearly shouted into his chest. I pushed back on his stomach and as we smiled dumbly at each other, I suddenly grabbed his wrist and hurriedly asked, "Shit! What time is it? We have to get going!"

He followed me obediently as I tugged his arm and pulled him up the stairs. I grabbed my jacket off the back of a chair in the kitchen, threw his at him and barely gave him enough time to put it on before I grabbed his arm again.

While I was pulling him towards the kitchen door, I held up a set of keys saying, "The car's already packed… I know the route… Let's go!"

===============================================================================

"You can't imagine what it's like… They're all inside of me… Millions upon millions of souls," Castiel explained in an eerily serene tone.

"Sounds sexy," Crowley replied as his eyes darted around the room. "Exit stage Crowley… Unless… Dean…? Is Adelaide here? I know I'm not John or anything, but maybe she could offer me some sexual healing to help me recharge?" The demon barely allowed Dean to register the question before he quickly added, "No, not here? Alright then… Ciao."

When the demon disappeared, the two angels continued as if nothing overly scandalous had been said, but Dean turned his attention slightly towards Bobby. The younger hunter didn't have to utter a word before Bobby shrugged then mouthed "Later" and then they both turned their attention back to the two angels that were left in the room.

===============================================================================

"Just pull up ahead and park… It'll probably be better if we go on foot from here," Sam finally spoke once we got within blocks of the target address.

I followed his instructions and then he hurried down the street without waiting for me. Once I finally did manage to catch up with him, I grabbed his arm and forced him to stop.

"Hey… Hey… Sam… Sam, just hold up a second… How are you…? Are you feeling okay?"

He took my hand in his then started jogging as he replied, "I'm fine Addy… Now come on… We have to hurry; we don't have much time left."

I had no choice but to start running with him despite my reservations about his health. He had gained a lot of ground on me and it took a bit before I fell into pace with him when Sam had finally slowed from a full sprint to a more hesitant walk. I had kept my eyes trained solely on him because if felt like if I couldn't see him that I would lose him, so I wasn't sure what had caused him to almost grind to a complete halt in the middle of the street.

"Shit," Sam mumbled under his breath which caused me to finally shift my gaze down the street a few yards.

As soon as I saw the illuminated taillights of the Impala, I gasped and froze in my spot. After a couple of seconds I finally realized that the reason why the lights looked odd and out of place was because they were upside down. Without thinking, I sprinted towards the car shouting Dean's name frantically.

At the driver side window, I fell to my knees and ducked my head inside to check on Dean and Bobby. To my relief the Impala was empty and when I saw Sam's feet by the open passenger's door, I crawled back out and stood up.

"Sam!" I called out over the car. "They're not here… Sam…? Sam!"

He didn't seem to hear me at all, so I ran around the wreckage to his side to check on him. Sam was panting in a few quick breaths and he sounded like he was trying to fight off a violent wave of nausea. I refrained from touching him because he was now gripping the top of his head with his right hand as he huffed in a few more breaths.

"Sam?" I tried again softly as I felt a worried panic threaten to overtake me.

He took in a couple more quick breaths then he squared his shoulders and walked a couple of staggered steps saying, "We're almost there Addy… Come on…"

Sam was off and running again, so I had no choice but to swallow my words of concern and follow him. He easily found us an open door at the back of the house for us to sneak through. I went in first, but he had to catch me when I almost fell down the stairs just past the door that I hadn't seen in the dark. Off in the distance we could hear voices, so we moved towards them as silently as we could.

After we rounded a corner, we could just barely make out Castiel and Raphael as they spoke to each other. I would have run into the room except I couldn't because Sam had wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me tight against his chest.

"Slow down Addy," he cautioned in a voice that was just barely audible.

"You on the other hand…" Castiel stated to Raphael before he raised his right hand.

Had Sam not clamped one of his hands over my mouth, everyone would have heard my horrified and surprised scream when Raphael exploded at the snap of Castiel's fingers. Thankfully Sam still had a hold of me because my knees completely gave out as relief and then fear overtook every fiber of my being.

Sam then knelt down with me then quietly explained, "I'm going to take my hand off your mouth, but you HAVE to stay quiet, okay?"

I nodded then Sam released me and crouched down at my side. I opened my mouth to speak, but he raised a finger to his lips then pointed to the blood spattered silver sword that had fallen to the ground. He mouthed "Stay here" and all I could do was nod dumbly as I complied.

Everything seemed to be happening so quickly that my brain couldn't register anything that Dean or Castiel were saying to each other even though I could see both of their lips moving. Dean had a pained look on his face while he spoke to the angel, so I could only assume that Dean was trying to convince Castiel of something. Castiel however just maintained a strange smile on his face without showing if Dean's words were having any effect on him at all.

Sam picked up the sword then after Castiel took a step towards Dean; Sam thrust it into the middle of Castiel's back. I didn't hear myself yell the angel's name, but as I stood up it felt like I had for some reason. Sam gasped in a couple of shallow breaths and when nothing happened, Dean shot his brother a worried look.

Castiel easily removed the sword from his back then calmly said, "I'm glad you made it Sam… Adelaide, why don't you come out of the shadows and join the group?"

I tried to calm myself the best I could, but I was still hyperventilating as I slowly moved into the room and stood slightly between Castiel and Sam.

Castiel looked down at the blade in his hand and scoffed slightly as he placed it on the table beside him. When he began to speak again, he turned and directed the beginning portion of his commentary to the youngest Winchester, "But the angel blade won't work because I'm not an angel anymore." He then turned back towards Dean and Bobby continuing, "I'm your new God… A better one."

As he continued his proclamation with cool confidence, Castiel turned and faced a wall saying, "So you will bow down… And profess your love unto me, your Lord…" After a dramatic pause he finished, "Or I shall destroy you."


	21. Everyone's Got an Agenda, Don't Stop

" _ **Castiel… I'm begging you… Can't you just give us a minute? Just to talk?" I pleaded, nearly on the verge of tears.**_

" _ **Adelaide," he answered as he placed a soft hand on my cheek. "What happened to you always having my back? Or your promise to have faith in me?"**_

_**I pressed his palm against my cheek then gripped his wrist tightly saying, "We still do Cas… You just have to trust us… Please Castiel…"** _

" _ **Cas come on… This is nuts!" Dean jumped in while Castiel and I continued to stare at each other. "You can turn this around… Please!"**_

_**I thought that I saw something change in Castiel's facial expression for a brief moment, but then he just shook his head and snatched his hand away quickly out of my grasp. While he was still looking me straight in the eye, he sternly commented to all of us, "I hope for your sake this is the last you see me."** _

"Dean still trying to revive the Impala all by his lonesome?" Bobby asked to bring me out of my day dream.

I turned, leaned my back against the railing on the porch at the front of the house and just nodded in reply. When Bobby offered me one of the beers he was holding, I shook my head and hugged my arms over my chest protectively. The look in Bobby's eyes hurt too much to look at, so I tilted my chin towards my chest to avoiding maintaining eye contact while my stomach continued to churn with a bought of nausea that had plagued me since the ride back to Bobby's house.

"He still not talking to you?" Bobby asked sounding either annoyed or worried, but I couldn't quite tell.

I started to shiver slightly as I shook my head again. After I willed my tears to stay at bay at the brim of my eyes, I looked back up at him and whispered, "No sir… And I still don't know why… or what I did… or said so that I can apologize and try to make things better between us."

Bobby's jaw clenched then he closed his eyes muttering, "That stubborn bastard." After he opened his eyes he saw the worried look on my face then more lovingly offered, "I'll go kick his ass for you and if that doesn't work, I'll lock him up somewhere until he agrees to talk it out with you."

I stared at him in mild disbelief then asked, "You know, don't you? You know why he's pissed off at me."

Bobby nodded then admitted, "But I didn't think that he'd take it this far… And since he's being too much of a idjit to tell you…"

I squeezed Bobby's arm then interrupted him saying, "No… Bobby, you're right… This is between Dean and I… It should come from him."

Although Bobby didn't look happy about my wishes, he just nodded then said, "Well I'll go see how he's doing with the car and see where his head's at right now."

As he started down the stairs, I made my way towards the front door. Without turning to look at him I called out, "Bobby? Just make sure you don't say anything to him about me, okay? Let's just worry about the new deity in town and getting Sam back into fighting shape."

I didn't have to see Bobby's face to know that he didn't approve of my comment. As awkward as it was having Dean give me the cold shoulder, I knew it would be worse if he started ignoring Bobby as well. Plus Sam was out of commission again and we had no idea what Castiel's next move was going to be, so to say that we had bigger problems to worry about other than a quarrel between Dean and I felt like a complete understatement.

Sam was resting… or more precisely was out cold once again on the bed in the Panic Room, much like he had been before Purgatory was breached, but this time around he would periodically get nose bleeds. Then to make matters more heart breaking, every so often when he became restless during his sleep, he would aggravate the cut on the palm of his hand. I had started making it a habit to go down and check on him to make sure that his wounds stayed as clean as possible because preventing Sam from getting an infection right now seemed like the easiest problem for me to solve. Plus, at least when this Winchester gave me the silent treatment, I could take comfort in the fact that he wasn't making a conscious decision to do it… Or so I told myself.

His hands were still folded over his stomach, but I couldn't help but unlace them to check the gauze covering the crude stitches Dean had used to close Sam's wound. It was still clean and white, so I took a minor amount of comfort in the thought that he hadn't damaged them again since the last time I changed his bandage.

There was however a small trickle of blood flowing from his right nostril to his upper lip. I picked up the face cloth out of the bowl of warm, soapy water I had brought with me and wrung out the excess water before I gently washed his face. Once I had removed every inch of any remaining blood that I could find, I leaned down and kissed Sam's forehead.

"Alright Winchester, enough shut eye," I whispered in his ear with a teasing tone before continuing more somberly. "We're waiting Sam… I… We can't do this without you. Please Sam… I really need your help."

After putting away all of my supplies, I quickly retreated to the safe haven I had created upstairs in the room that Dean and I used to share. Dean was either staying up until all hours of the night working on his car or he simply just slept in Bobby's study or he might have been spending time in the Panic Room watching over his brother, but in any case, all I knew was that when I waited up for him every night, I woke up alone in the morning and his side of the bed remained undisturbed. At first I almost melted down, but then I decided that getting Sam and Castiel back was all that really mattered, my heartache be damned. It was obvious that Dean was ignoring the gnawing pain our sigils emitted in response to our abrupt and now prolonged dislocation, so I decided that I would ignore it too… Even if I had no idea why we were feeling that intense pain.

I hadn't checked my email in a few days, so my first stop was to look at my laptop that was sitting on a table near a large window. When a little number one showed up on my email tab, I smiled in earnest for the first time in over forty-eight hours. The email could have been from just about anyone, but I instinctively knew that it would be from my number one supporter.

" _Hey Addy!  
So I've been trying my best to track Castiel, but he's being more elusive than I thought he would be… Plus… Dad's friend has been trying to get some scouts to watch me and maybe recruit me for a premier league…  
I know that it's just baseball, but if I get in it could mean a scholarship to school and stuff…  
Anyway, here's everything that I've found so far. _(Toby then listed a few cities and strange deaths that had happened to religious figures in each.) __  
So… I hope it helps.  
Love you lots! Toby"

I couldn't help but quickly check the newspaper articles Toby had sent me as an attachment on this email before I re-read Toby's message to write my reply.

" _Hey Buddy!_  
What's this I read about a premier league? Buddy! That's awesome! Congratulations! I hope that that means your Dad set up the portable batting cage I left out back for you.  
And wow! You're on your way to the Show and you STILL managed to out research me? Have you been hanging around with Jose Canseco? Because there has to be more than just raw talent for you to be THAT good! ;-)  
Thanks for the help Tobs and keep up the good work!  
And if you have time and find anything else on the Castiel front, let me know.  
If not, then remember… Lay off the high ones!  
Hugs and kisses, Addy"

As I read over each article, I pulled out a map and started marking where each incident had occurred. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to where each death had occurred, but it was the only lead that I had to investigate, so I kept trying to find some sort of a pattern. The suspicious deaths had jumped states, had happened in big and small towns alike and had claimed victims from a wide range of ages, races and religious affiliations.

Castiel seemed to have been focused on his new found power and how he could use it to punish people he had determined were guilty of transgressions. I circled the 'X's on the map that marked where religious leaders were killed and then I realized the other 'X's were most likely unrelated, at least to this case. I filed them away hoping that we would get a chance to work on them soon.

I remained completely focused on my work until my stomach started to growl so loudly that I couldn't concentrate anymore. I looked out the bedroom window that had a full view of the scrap yard and breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw movement around the Impala because that meant that I could sneak down to the kitchen and grab something to eat without having to pretend that I wasn't hiding from them.

Even though I didn't anticipate running into Dean, I still moved as silently as I could down the stairs out of habit. When I reached the kitchen door I froze in my place because I hear the distinct sound of Dean's voice. I gave the stairs a long, lingering look, but then I felt my stomach pinch painfully and I was reminded that I had already ignored my hunger for too long, so I moved into the study to wait for him to go back outside.

"Yeah, my head hurts a little, but… Basically," Sam explained not hiding that his current state had him just as baffled as it did the rest of us.

When I heard Dean ask, "Seriously?" I could tell that he had moved towards Sam, so I took that as my opportunity to sneak past the kitchen into the bathroom.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, I heard the back door close and both voices had been silenced. I was looking down at the bottle in my hand when I entered the kitchen, so I didn't notice that I wasn't alone. Sam had his back to me and was looking for something or someone in the study and he didn't seem to hear me even when I shook the pill bottle, causing the contents to rattle softly.

Sam took a step back as I took one forward and he stumbled slightly when he stepped onto my foot. He then whipped around and grabbed my wrists so quickly that I didn't get a chance to defend myself at all.

I looked up into his face and forced myself to smile as I greeted him saying, "Well at least we don't have to be worried about your reflexes."

He didn't let go of my wrists as he replied, "And you've been working on your stealthy skills for sneaking up on people."

We remained as we were, shared a soft laugh and then I looked down at where his hand was still gripping my wrist tightly. "Uh… Sam?"

He looked down and quickly dropped my hands with a quiet, "Oh… Geez, sorry."

"It's fine Sam. Now I had brought these," I lifted up the bottle of Tylenol to show him it and shook it from side to side. "For your headache, but now I'm not sure there's enough to share."

Sam grabbed my free hand more gently than before to check my wrists for injury. Before he could apologize, I pulled my hand away and started walking towards the fridge.

"Sam I was joking." I turned and tossed the bottle to him then playfully teased, "Okay so your reflexes may be good, but we still have to work on your sense of humor."

He chuckled softly as he took a bottle of beer form me. "Oh there… He laughs… There might be hope for you yet."

"Yeah, I'm on the road to recovery," he finally replied with a cheeky grin. "So are you joining us outside to hear the latest about Cas?"

I tried my best to keep my face neutral, but when I felt like I might fail I just turned away from him and moved back to the fridge.

"No… Uhh, I've been brought up to speed… Plus I'm absolutely starving."

Sam looked up at a clock then said, "Right it's getting on that time isn't it? Okay, well after he's filled me in, I'll try to pry Dean away from his baby. Yeah… That'll probably give you enough time to put dinner together."

I stared dumbly into the fridge as I listened to Sam. Before he left the house he paused at the door and called out, "Thanks Addy."

After he closed the door, I pulled a couple of containers out of the fridge and then grumbled to myself, "Great, I guess that means I'll have to eat with them too."

During dinner, we avoided having any prolonged, uncomfortable silences by keeping our attention on a variety of news channels to check for any new or strange deaths. When we were done eating Dean quickly headed back out to the garage, Bobby retired to his study and Sam help me clean up the dishes.

Now that Sam was awake, it became increasingly more difficult to just avoid Dean because that would be too obvious to the younger Winchester. Instead I came up with as best a coping strategy that I could. Bobby continued doing research, even though he had no idea what he was looking for, so I helped him with that when I could. When I wasn't helping with research, I took over the role of the head of all things domestic. I took over doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. It wasn't my forte, but it meant that I was able to stay out of Dean's way.

Sam picked up a wrench then walked to meet Dean at the trunk of the Impala. "So Dean…? Not that it hasn't been great having someone who will make something other than steak and manwiches for dinner… But… Umm… Why isn't Addy out here helping you? You know since she can actually rebuild an engine on her own and all…?"

Dean snatched the wrench out of his brother's hand then snapped, "I think I hear Bobby calling you."

"Dean…?" Sam questioned quietly with genuine concern.

Without acknowledging him again, Dean laid down under the car to work near the rear quarter panel. Sam almost questioned him again, but his brother turned the radio beside one of the car's wheels up so loud that Sam knew Dean wouldn't be able to hear him.

When he got back into the house, Bobby and I were exchanging notes in the study. He watched us for a bit then he cleared his throat loudly.

"Hey Sam! You should see some of the crazy shit Toby's found that hasn't made the National news yet."

Sam almost asked a question, but with everything we had seen already, he was genuinely intrigued to find out what I considered was 'crazy'. He sat down beside me as I passed him his laptop. He turned it on then found that I had forwarded every attachment that Toby had sent me via email. He scrolled through the documents and the three of us fell silent while we read over everything we had found.

After about an hour, Sam couldn't hold his tongue anymore and while his eyes were still focused on the computer screen, he asked, "So Addy…? The engine's sounding pretty good… Uhh… Did you help Dean with that?"

Bobby watched my reaction silently, trying not to let a gloating smile spread across his face. I just pretended not to hear Sam and closed my laptop announcing, "I think I should check on the roast… Mashed potatoes are still good for you two, right?"

I discretely wiped a tear away as I stood up, so Bobby shook his head then swallowed his playful retort answering instead, "Sounds better than perfect Addy."

Once he and Sam were alone, Sam stared at him in absolute disbelief. Bobby held up a hand to keep Sam silent then he said, "I know and I'm going to try to work on it… Just give me some time, alright?"

Bobby left to go check on Dean, so Sam came into the kitchen to try to help me. I had pulled the roast's pan out and placed it on the stove. The potatoes were still cooking so I stirred them absentmindedly while I tried to think of proper reply to Sam's question. I must have sniffled softly while I continued to cry as I finished our dinner, so Sam just touched my back gently to let me know that he was in the room.

"Did you want me to carve the roast for you?" He asked softly.

I shook my head and refused to look up at him as I replied, "No, but thanks Sam. Why don't you get Bobby and… Dean. By the time you all get cleaned up everything will be ready."

He squeezed my shoulder and once again confirmed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I tried to laugh him off. "Go." I instructed with a chuckle. "Or everything's going to get cold."

I finished getting dinner ready and then dished my own meal and hurried upstairs before them men had returned. Bobby had been trying to find a way to kill God, but I still wasn't convinced that that was the key. I turned my focus back to learning everything that I could about angels. It was obvious that Castiel had changed because the angel blade hadn't killed him, let alone hurt him, but I still wasn't sure what could cause such a change in a celestial being.

At first I thought that my theory was way off base and was just a good distraction from everything that was going on here at home. Then I found a few pieces of information in the research I had about Purgatory that vaguely reference beings that could cause transubstantiation the might possibly exist in Purgatory.

"Fuck yeah!" I exclaimed softly to myself.

I quickly grabbed for a book that I thought had more details about this theory, but it wasn't where I thought I had left it. I checked every book on the chair on the opposite side of the table before I checked the closet and then under the bed. When it wasn't found in any of those spots, I just sat down on the floor and tried to retrace my over the past few weeks.

When I did realize where it was, I cursed under my breath then stood up trying to decide if it was worth the risk to go and retrieve it. I walked slowly over to the door and after I opened it I stood to listen for any movement on the main floor. I didn't hear any talking or dishes clanging either, so I cautiously made my way down the stairs.

The kitchen was empty, so I assumed that the Winchesters were out in the garage working on the car and that Bobby was back at his post behind his desk. As I walked down the stair to go to the Panic Room, I almost started humming to myself and inadvertently bounded down the last few stairs.

I turned and almost skipped, but stopped when I heard, "Oh… There you are Adelaide… Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"

"Crowley," I gasped. "What are you…? Why…?"

A devilish grin spread across his face as he offered me his whiskey bottle but I didn't move until Dean pushed off the beam he was leaning on then snidely said, "If you two want some alone time…"

"Really?" Crowley asked, "You'll break this trap and give us a room with a lock on the door and not bother us for…? Oh how long do you think we'll need?"

Before Dean could reply, Bobby cut in, "Enough! Addy…? Addy? Were you looking for something Koala Bear?"

I slowly turned my attention over to Bobby (while trying my best to avoid looking at either Winchester because of the embarrassed blush I could feel creeping down my cheeks) then hoarsely replied, "Yeah… A book… I left in the… the Panic Room… From when I was sitting with…"

Bobby walked over to me then he gently led me past the amused demon and annoyed man softly saying, "Take your time, I'll let you know when we're done."

I nodded and after passing Sam I took the initiative and hurried towards the open iron door. I paused ever so slightly when I heard Crowley yell, "Maybe later then Love!" before I ran into the room and slammed the door shut.

I slid down the length of the door and started to sob uncontrollably once I was seated on the floor. I had never seen Dean look so angry before, not even when I had lied and gone hunting behind his back, that he almost spat his words in my direction. Then to make matters worse, I still hadn't figured out why he had been focusing his wrath towards me. Both of us had done our fair share of stupid and reckless acts, but since we had reunited, we had always been able to forgive each other and work through it. But now we just lived our lives as separate people and avoided making eye contact, let alone having any civil conversations.

When the door opened, I was still crying into my legs as I hugged my knees tightly to my chest. Bobby handed me a handkerchief then I blew my nose loudly and muttered a "Thank you." He gently helped me to my feet, but instead of guiding me out of the room, he sat me down on the bed in the middle of the room.

"Just stay here and give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down, okay?" He whispered in my ear before he kissed my head.

I nodded then followed his instructions. After my sobs had completely subsided, I dried my eyes then looked around the room. The book I had come downstairs to look for was still on the desk and when I saw it I laughed sadly to myself thinking, _Yep, right where I left it._

I was flipping through the pages then found the passage I was looking for when I heard Sam say, "No… Bobby said that she went out for a walk to clear her head."

"Fine… But seriously Sam? What could possibly be in here that would be of any help to us right now?" Dean asked in an exasperated tone.

I turned around just in time to see the Panic Room door slam shut. I held the book to my chest and sat down on the desk while I watched Dean run over to it and pounded his fists on the closed, now locked door.

"Sam! SAM! Open the door! I mean it! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR NOW!"

The window on the door opened then Dean ran back to it saying, "Bobby! I'm not joking! Let me out!"

"No Dean, not until you two talk," Bobby answered with stern conviction. "This bullshit has gone on long enough! If we're going up against Castiel then we're doing it together… ALL of us!"

"Bobby…" Dean started again.

"Dean!" Bobby quickly interrupted. "If you don't tell Addy what Crowley said then I will! Now go and work it out damn it!"

When I heard my name I jumped off the desk and dropped the book I was clinging to onto the bed. As I approached Dean I angrily snapped, "Crowley? I've been getting the silent treatment from you because of something Crowley said? Seriously?"

Dean was still trying to open the door, so I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around and look at me. Even after his back hit the door, Dean didn't let up and turned his head to demand that Bobby or Sam open the door before he had to inflict bodily harm upon them.

"DEAN! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!" I shouted hoping that I could shut him up long enough to get him to focus.

"And I ignored it!" He finally retorted angrily at me.

When he had turned to face me, Bobby quickly closed the hatch and locked it as well. Dean heard that final click, turned to double check it then looked back over at me yelling, "GREAT! Now we're stuck in here! Good job!"

I calmly picked the book that I had dropped onto the bed then sat down on the chair by the desk and opened it up to the page I had found before Dean entered the room. He yelled something else at the two other men, so I calmly placed the open book on the desk and pointedly shifted the chair so that my back was completely facing him.

 _Crowley… Crowley… What could Crowley know?_ I thought to myself while I was pretending to read. _He… Oh… shit… SHIT!_

Dean slamming a locker door brought me out of my thoughts, but I kept my eyes focused on the book in front of me. He stomped around the room then paused to open a wrapper before he continued loudly pacing again. He then opened another cupboard and rooted through it before slamming the door closed once again.

My head started to throb from listening to him bang around the room, so when I heard the painful sound of metal hitting metal, I slammed my book closed and snapped, "Dean! Do you have to make so much noise? Fuck! We're going to be stuck in here until Bobby thinks we've had enough time to talk everything out… Can't you just wait it out in peace? Plus! PANIC ROOM DUMBASS! You can't break out!"

He threw the chisel to the floor with a loud bang then held his hands up in a sign of annoyed surrender. I placed my elbows on the desk and started massaging my temples in a futile attempt to will my headache away. Dean thankfully jumped onto the bed and laid down with his arms under his head so now the only sound that was left in the room was the whirring of the fan over our heads and the quieting creak of the bed's springs as they settled under Dean's weight.

After trying and failing to read a few books for a while, I grabbed the nearly empty bottle of whiskey off the table top. As I guzzled the contents down, I got up and unlatched the cot from the wall. I wasn't sure where Bobby had stored the extra mattress for it, but I figured that laying on it like this could be kind of like resting in a hammock and that had to be more comfortable than laying down on the iron floor right now.

Once the bottle was empty, I stared at it then let it fall to the floor, but made sure to stand it up so it wouldn't roll around.

"So?" I questioned aloud. "You hate me now, huh? Should I just pack up and leave for good?"

Dean stayed on his back just I was as he answered, "You've been a big girl for a while… You can do whatever the hell you want to do…"

I tried to sit up, but my hand fell through the woven elastic and I ended up falling to my knees on the hard floor instead. Dean almost rolled onto his side to ask if I was okay, but I quickly got to my feet so he refrained from commenting and didn't actually anything but his head in the end.

Out of frustration, I walked up to the door and tried to open it because I need to get away from Dean right now. I needed to go and clear my head before trying again because I was afraid I would say the wrong thing right now and just make everything worse.

"Still locked genius," Dean announced disdainfully.

I turned around and when I saw that Dean just had his arms and legs crossed with his eyes closed, I bit my lip to stop myself from replying. While I watched him relax in his place, I sat down on the floor where I was standing and returned to the same position that Bobby had found me in earlier. The only difference this time was that I wasn't crying. I just watched Dean while trying to figure out what I could say to get him to finally confide in me.

We sat in silence for what felt like hours until I finally asked helplessly, "What did I do Dean? What did Crowley say I did that made you hate me so much?"

Dean didn't move or show any way that he had heard me, so I just pulled my legs closer to my chest. As silence fell over the room again, I slowly crawled over to Dean's side. I sat up on my knees and noticed right away that he was still wearing my Poppy's ring, so I figured that there was still a small glimmer of hope that I could get through to him somehow.

I leaned down and kissed his lips then whispered, "Please Dean?"

When I kissed him again, he started to kiss me back but then his eyes flew open. He quickly rolled off the bed and stood up so that the cot would be between us. I leaned back and sat down with tears in my eyes as he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket.

"Don't… don't you dare try to make it all better with a kiss," he cautioned with a growl.

He was towering over me, so I stood up as quickly as I could then yelled back heatedly, "Fuck! Well what else can I do? I've tried the pissed off cop and now the good cop routine! What…? What the fuck else can I do to get you to tell my why you're so fucking angry?"

"Oh… I don't know…" He started irritably. "Maybe you could go and fuck Sam behind my back for starters…"

I felt like he had punched me in the gut so it took a second before I had recovered enough to catch my breath and reply, "Sam? What…?"

"Right… Because then that way you'll have worked through the whole line," Dean explained mockingly. "Yeah… If you pull out your punch card then maybe you'll even get a prize."

"Punch card? Prize? What the fuck are you talking about now?"

He walked over, opened a drawer at the desk and pulled out a fresh bottle of whiskey. He cracked its seal then took a couple of long swallows with his back facing me.

"I thought that you were SO smart that you would have figured it out by now…" He replied with sarcasm dripping off every word.

"Figured…?" I questioned slowly as I picked up my empty bottle and sat down on the cot. _Okay… Think… Think… Get us a room? Big girl… Sam…_ "Who…? Who do you think I slept with Dean? Because since you saved my life in that cabin I have been completely faithful to you…" I paused then pick at the label on the bottle as I whispered, "Except for Pacer, but you can't hold me getting raped against me… THAT would be beyond low."

Dean pulled the bottle away from his lips and gave me a concerned look. I kept my eyes focused on the bottle in my hands, so I missed seeing the look because it was so fleeting. He recovered quickly then hardened his face into a scowl before taking another long drink.

"Don't tell me that he was that forgettable," he answered with a sneer. "I know you would have been young and inexperienced back then… and he was a moody son of a bitch… But still…"

 _Fuck Sam behind my back_ echoed in my mind until I raised my head in horrified recognition.

"Oh… my… God…" I started slowly as I stood up and faced him. He turned back to me while still drinking out of the bottle with a quirked eyebrow and a satisfied grin. Before I could stop myself, I violently whipped my empty bottle at his head. He ducked just in time to avoid being hit and as it smashed on the wall I nearly shrieked, "You think I had sex with John? YOUR DAD? Are you insane?"

"More like I had a revelation," Dean replied looking over his shoulder, down at the broken shards of glass behind him trying not to look shaken.

I started pacing the room as I reasoned out loud, "Crowley told you that… Fuck… FUCK! This is Sydney…" I stopped then turned to him as I continued, "I told you he wanted to break us up and this… this is his doing."

Dean glared at me as I tried again more desperately saying, "Don't you see it Dean? This is exactly what he wants… Us… Apart… Fighting…"

"Oh yeah?" Dean replied condescendingly. "And how do demons normally do that?"

He tilted his head to one side to exaggerate his point. I stared at him with disbelief then I threw my hands up in the air with complete exasperation. He finally put his bottle down on the desk and leaned against its edge still looking overly smug.

"They lie Dean!" I shouted back at him feeling too desperate to speak in a calmer tone.

He snorted then replied, "Sometimes."

"What?" I gasped out not believing my ears.

"They lie… Sometimes…" He repeated slowly to ensure that I would hear him clearly. "But they use the truth if it would do the trick… We all know that."

I stepped forward in a stunned silence, but Dean didn't move a muscle. I opened my mouth to speak, but instead of reasoning with him, I clenched my fist and landed a hard right cross onto his cheek. Dean was just barely able to raise his hand to his face before I punched him square in the nose then my left followed up with a shot to his gut.

While he was doubled over with his eyes watering, I stomped over to the door and yelled at the top of my lungs, "Bobby! BOBBY! OPEN THE DOOR!"

Almost immediately the door flew open to reveal Sam and Bobby in the hallway. Bobby had a large grin on his face that faded as soon as he saw Dean doubled over and holding his face, groaning in pain.

I snatched up the book I had originally gone into the Panic Room to retrieve then stomped towards the hallway. Sam ran to Dean's side to offer him help and Bobby watched in wide-eyed confusion.

At the door, I paused then turned back to Dean and angrily announced, "And for the record… JACKASS… I did NOT have sex with John for fuck's sake!"

My heart was still beating erratically when I heard a knock at the door. Bobby didn't wait for me to reply before he opened the door and let himself into the room. When I saw the plate of food in his hand, I closed the books I was reading and pushed them aside to make room on the table.

"I'm no gourmet chef, but I thought you might be hungry," he explained sitting across the table from me.

"Thanks Bobby, I am." Even though I had been feeling hunger pains before Bobby came upstairs, I had no appetite. "How… how is he?"

"Doesn't look like anything's broken… Nothing an ice pack can't fix," he replied with a playful smile. "So… I guess I don't have to ask how it went in there…"

"I tried Bobby… I swear I really did, but he's taking Crowley's word over mine… He's playing right into Sydney's hand," I narrated to my food. "Since words didn't seem to be working, I thought maybe I could knock some sense into him." Bobby chuckled softly then I continued more seriously, "But now I'm thinking that it really doesn't matter in the end."

"Addy? What do you mean?"

I pushed the plate aside then reached across the table and held Bobby's hand. "I don't know… Just… With everything that's happening, does it really matter if Dean and I are…? Well Dean and I? Shouldn't we just focus on Castiel?"

He ran his thumb over the ring on my left hand then somberly said, "Yeah we should keep focused on him, but that doesn't mean that it's okay for you to be hurting."

"I'm fine Bobby," I asserted unconvincingly. "So… Crowley…? Here…? What was going on with him?"

Bobby held up a piece of paper and I took it to read it over as he explained, "We're heading out soon to get the last ingredient."

"Binding Death? Wow… Our lives are seriously fucked up." Bobby chuckled softly while I got up and walked to his side. I leaned down, hugged him and whispered, "Good luck."

After I stepped back, Bobby looked up then asked, "You're not…? I mean I had…"

"No, I'm not… Seriously Bobby, you locked us in a room for what? An hour? And it ended with me almost breaking his nose… I don't think being trapped in a car with him would be fair to you and Sam."

Bobby nodded graciously then as he left he quietly replied, "I'll call you to let you know how it went."

While they were gone, I tried my best not to watch the clock, but I couldn't help myself. Books didn't seem to hold my attention and TV made things feel that much worse because there seemed to be an infinite loop of stories relating to people that had most likely died at Castiel's hand. Next I tried the radio, but in between playlists there were the same news stories that I had been avoiding by turning off the TV.

After pacing around the house a couple more times, I pulled out my iPod and started cleaning. Somehow empty bottles and dirty dishes had started to overrun the house, so cleaning all of that up felt like the right thing to do.

"You didn't go with them."

I know that I jumped when Castiel spoke, but I didn't care. I had been trying to keep a brave face for too long, so I was more than willing to let him see how I was really feeling. As I turned around, I dried my hands and paused the music that was playing.

"No, I didn't," I replied plainly.

He watched me then sounded almost surprised when he said, "And you lied to Bobby about why you wanted to stay behind."

"I only half lied," I answered with a soft smile. "I don't want you dead Castiel… I just want YOU back and I don't think that death is the answer for that."

Castiel walked over to me, brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes then solemnly stated, "And I shall show you mercy for that."

I reached out to take his hand, but as soon as I touched him, he disappeared. "Damn it Cas!" I huffed out loud before I returned to washing the dishes.

I continued cleaning and nearly missed hearing my phone ringing because of the sound of the vacuum. Since it was still the middle of the night I figured that it could only be one person.

"Bobby! You guys… ALL of you are okay, right?"

" _Yeah, we're fine Koala Bear. Is everything okay with you?"_

"Yeah… I'm… It's okay… But… Well, it's just that when Cas was here, he said something so I was…"

" _What? Cas was there?"_ Bobby worriedly interrupted. _"What did he…?"_

Before he could finish, Dean snatched the phone out of Bobby's hand and he quickly barked into the phone, _"How long ago did he leave? What did he say? Where was he going?"_

"I… I don't really know…" I replied hesitantly.

" _Well what DID he tell you? He didn't just drop in to stare at you did he?"_ Dean demanded just as angrily as he had previously.

I paused then gritted my teeth and spat out my reply, "And I'm fine by the way! Thanks for asking!"

I quickly hung up the phone then threw it onto the couch before running back up to my room. When they got back to the house, Sam was the first one to see me sitting in one of Bobby's cars gripping the steering wheel tightly. Dean stalked up the stairs while Sam and Bobby silently debated who should try to speak to me.

"Just turn the key and go… Just turn the key and go… Just turn…" I chanted to myself staring at my hands.

"Addy?" Sam called out softly as he slipped into the passenger's seat.

"Why can't I just leave?" I asked the windshield without acknowledging that he had spoken.

Sam touched my arm gently to get my attention and after I turned my head, he saw my tear streaked cheeks. "I packed everything up easily enough… But that's as far as I got."

Sam leaned over then turned the key. Once the engine was running he squeezed my hand saying, "Drive safe Addy. Keep in touch, okay?"

He reached over to open his door, but stopped when he heard me turn the car off.

"I have nowhere to go," I answered his unasked question.

"Oh… I thought that you would be heading home."

I shook my head and sputtered out a sad laugh. "Sorry Sam, that was kind of rude… But I can't really show my face there." He gave me a confused look, so I quickly explained, "I'm still technically dead, remember? I don't know if Cas blanked that little episode from everyone else's memories or not since Toby, Mo and Bill seem to still remember it vaguely."

Sam blushed slightly then replied, "Right and since Cas hit reset on the Connors…"

"I'm not like their daughter anymore," I finished as I started to sob.

He slid over and wrapped me in a tight hug soothingly saying, "You're still more than welcome to stay here."

I shook my head as I pushed out of his embrace. "I… I don't think I can… I don't think it's healthy… I haven't been eating properly and… and I can't remember the last time I actually had a proper night's sleep…" I dried my cheeks and tried to hold Sam's gaze, but had to look away when he started to look like he might cry too. "I… I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore."

"Oh… Addy… I'm sorry." He pulled me into another hug then continued, "It's late… Why don't you come inside and we'll try to figure something out… at least for the short term?"

He carried my bag in for me as he led me back into the house. Once inside I continued up to my room without even thinking about it. Sam paused in the study to briefly explain what had happened to Bobby then he brought my bag upstairs. I felt someone sit on the bed behind me so I rolled over to see who it was.

"I know I'm not… But…" Sam hesitantly offered as he opened his arms to me.

I shuddered out a sob then buried my face into his chest. Sam awkwardly laid down with me in his arms and then he kissed my head before whispering, "Try to get some sleep Addy."

After only a couple of hours, I woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed and hungry. As soon as I stepped into the kitchen I could hear giggling on the soundtrack of whatever Dean was watching. He barely raised his eyes as I passed him and just continued drinking to keep from having to talk to me.

As I made my meal, I stole a glance over my shoulder when my curiosity got the best of me. When I saw what he was watching, I couldn't help myself and blurted out, "You're disgusting Dean."

He just shrugged then sipped from his glass, so I tried to finish as quickly as possible. Dean was still smirking when I walked by him to leave the room, but it faded away when I put a plate down beside him.

I didn't look down at him and quickly said, "You're going to get an ulcer if you don't eat periodically."

Sam and I nearly ran into each other in the study and he smiled when he saw me eating a sandwich.

"So what were you up to Sam?"

He shrugged then answered, "Last ditch effort."

I patted his arm, swallowed what I was chewing and said, "At least you tried."

My plan was just to go up to my room again, but I stopped to eavesdrop on the impending conversation between the brothers. I laughed to myself when Sam got Dean to shut off his computer by telling him there was no way he could have a conversation with him while Dean was watching what Sam referred to as 'animated porn'.

Sam asking, "Cas?" had me running back into the kitchen.

Castiel braced himself so that he could remain standing then replied, "I heard your call. I need help."

I ran to his side then Sam and I helped him to a chair. Some of the blood on his coat transferred to our hands and clothes prompting me to stutter out a quiet and frightened, "Oh my God… Cas…? What happened?"

He closed his eyes and passed out, so Dean answered my question by playing the news story he had found earlier in the day of a massacre at a Senator's campaign office that they all figured was Cas' handiwork. I nearly fell over in shock then found that I had no words and just sighed sadly when I looked back over at Castiel.

Sam smiled to himself then somewhat smugly said, "Looks like he wasn't completely unreachable."

===============================================================================

When the men worked at getting everything together for the ritual, I sat with Castiel and tried to make him as comfortable as possible. Periodically, I would help Bobby move a table or such, but for the most part I just tried to stay out of the way. Sam went to retrieve the blood that was needed to open the portal then he promptly disappeared. I offered to go and look for him, but Bobby insisted that I was needed there with him, Dean and Cas. Bobby started chanting and the blood symbols started to glow. Dean and I took turns straightening Castiel up until he finally seemed to be able to stand on his own.

Just before the wall cracked away, Castiel turned to Dean and sincerely stated, "I'm sorry Dean."

I couldn't stand to watch because I was starting to feel so nauseated that I had to walk away. As I moved away, I felt the meager contents of my stomach rise up in my throat. I tried to will away the wave of nausea that was hitting me, but then I caught a whiff of some foul odor that I knew could only be decay and I just barely made it to my knees as I started vomiting.

When I got back to the room, Castiel was standing with Dean and Bobby. All of the sores on his face had healed but he was still completely covered in blood.

Dean had him by the arm saying, "Alright, well one thing at a time. Come on, let's get you out of here. Come on."

Castiel stopped to more urgently plead, "I mean it Dean."

"Okay, alright," Dean answered trying to appease him. "But let's go find Sam, okay?"

"Please Cas?" I asked as I approached them.

He nodded then Bobby and Dean each took an arm and started to lead him out of the room. I turned to leave, but froze when I heard Castiel's pained voice.

"You need to run now! I… I can't hold them back!"

"Hold who back?" Dean questioned sternly from his spot.

Castiel was leaning over holding his stomach shouting, "They held on inside me… Dean they're so strong."

I ran to Bobby's side as he asked, "Who the hell…?"

"Leviathan!" Castiel interrupted. "I can't fight them! Run!"

Dean turned Bobby and me by the shoulder urgently shouting, "GO! Go get Sam! Go get Sam!"

Bobby grabbed me by the hand and we started running until we heard a bemused, "Too late!"

Dean was standing right in front of the angel and asked, "Cas?"

Castiel took a step forward and grabbed Dean by the jacket enthusiastically explaining, "Cas is… He's gone. He's dead. We run the show now."

He tossed Dean across the room and into a table. I inadvertently screamed causing whatever was possessing Castiel to turn his attention to us. He grabbed Bobby and threw him into a table on the opposite side of the room.

I shrunk against the wall and tried my best to mentally prepare myself for possibly receiving the same treatment. I had my eyes closed tightly and jumped slightly when I felt him pet my cheek.

"My… You are pretty," he commented distractedly. I flinched as he petted my hair because all of the veins on his neck started to turn black. He chuckled then turned back towards Dean saying, "This is going to be so much fun."


	22. Keep That Chin Up, You'll Be Alright

After I returned to my room, I let my towel drop to the floor because I realized that I must have let the water get too hot while I was in the shower and now no amount of fabric softener could make that piece of terry cloth feel comfortable. My skin was overly red and raw, but that could have also been attributed to the fact that I had used up a whole container of body scrub that Toby had bought me earlier in the year for Mother's Day, back before I had Castiel wipe away his memories of that fact, to try to clean the grim of this last fight off my body.

I stood in front of the vanity, completely naked, triple checking that my skin and hair were actually clean. Since we got back to Bobby's I couldn't shake the feeling that I still had blood or that weird black ooze that Castiel's body was secreting all over my hair and skin from when that thing in Castiel's body was petting my hair during its taunting ramblings directed at Dean. Even after my third shower I still felt like I should jump in for a fourth.

The door to the bedroom opening caused a cold gust of wind to hit my back making me jump in my spot a little. I turned around to see who it was, completely forgetting my lack of clothing and how embarrassed I would feel if it was Bobby or Sam who was walking through the door right now. Dean stared at me wide eyed for a moment, but I was just too stunned to see him upstairs to even attempt to move at all. Dean quickly closed the door then took a step forward and picked my towel up off the bed as he got closer to me. Suddenly I felt really shy, so I hugged my arms around my chest. Dean moved to wrap the towel around me, but ended up dropping it on the floor instead. He then gently touched my abdomen and my skin immediately turned to goose flesh.

"You… you still have the scar from the… the chisel…" he commented sounding completely astonished as two of his fingers ran up and down my abdomen.

I started to shiver while he stroked the scar tenderly as I answered, "I asked him to leave it as a reminder to be grateful for everyday that I'm alive."

He nodded then picked up the towel and started to wrap it around my shoulders. I release the tight grip I had on my upper body to take the towel and Dean caught a glimpse of the four matching scars that wrapped around my wrists horizontally. Dean grabbed both of my hands, unintentionally causing both of us to let go of the towel so it slipped slowly off my body onto the floor once again.

"Lay…? These aren't… You didn't…?" He asked as he caressed the scars with his thumbs.

I gingerly extracted my hands out of his hold and took a step backwards explaining, "No… It's nothing like that I… I saw the black smoke and… and I freaked out and tried to get out of my restraints… I kind of… Umm… Rubbed my wrists raw trying to get away so Sydney couldn't possess me…"

"I… I didn't know you… I mean… I don't remember seeing them before," he admitted just barely over a whisper.

My right hand unconsciously went to the sizeable scar on my stomach then I laughed nervously. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure we were all more focused on something else at the time."

His eyes followed my hand as I moved it to my stomach and then they focused from the scar to my hand. He then reached out slowly and touched a small cut on my knuckle observing, "That looks new."

I hid my hand behind my back and chuckled softly trying to keep from invoking too many horrible memories of how I got that cut. "Yeah… You have a pretty hard head."

"And you have one hell of a right cross," he countered with a gentle tease as he raised his hand to his cheek.

We stood there in silence for a second and then I once again became acutely aware that I was completely naked. When I quickly turned away and snatched up a robe, I finally seemed to have broken the trance that we both seemed to be under for the last little while. Dean turned around abruptly, muttering an apology as a bright pink blush spread across his skin.

The terry cloth of the robe felt scratchy against my still sensitive skin, but I tried to ignore the pain because it was the best that I could do to stay covered right now. When I heard Dean take a couple of steps towards the door, I quickly turned around and almost called out to him, but stopped when I realized that he wasn't moving to leave the room. He was actually just trying to give me some space by sitting down on the bed. I stared at his back and stood there awkwardly trying to figure out what my next move should be.

"What did Sydney see that made him think that you did have umm…? Uhh… With Dad and all?" Dean asked meekly. "You know, what memory did he see?"

I started to pick at the sleeves of my robe and sat down on a chair facing Dean's back. He had his hands folded in his lap and he looked like he was forcing his breathing to remain steady. I pulled my feet up and hugged my knees to my chest as I watched him start to look over his shoulder before snapping his head back to stare at the wall in front of him.

"John and I… We worked a job together… Umm… This one was back when you first picked up Sam from school…" I explained to the back of his head.

He turned to look at me while I was talking and suddenly my throat went completely dry which impeded my ability to speak. I couldn't bear to watch him watching me, so I quickly stood up and turned my back to him as I continued, "For the job I… I… Uhh… I dress up to look pretty much like a hooker so that I could be our bait for the creep…" I stole a glance at him in the vanity's mirror, but when our eyes met I had to look away because I felt myself losing my nerve again. "We… Umm… Had to… Flush him out… So we had to be creative… Umm… And I kind of came up with a plan… Then after everything was done… I kind of took something that he said out of context… Because we had gotten pretty close after I told him about why I was hunting on my own and all… And the guys at the pub we were at that night had bought me… Us… A uhh bunch of rounds while we were there so… So I was pretty tipsy… Not that that's an excuse but with all of that together I… I tried to uhh… To seduce him…"

I tried to stand as still as I could because when I walked the robe would rub against my skin uncomfortably. Now that I was still, I noticed that it wasn't the walking that had caused my discomfort. For some inexplicable reason I was shivering which was making my skin feel really tight and the robe felt like fine grit sandpaper was rubbing against every inch of my body that it covered. I turned my eyes up to the mirror again and bit my lip so hard it almost bled when I saw the confused look on Dean's face.

"Tried?" He asked hoarsely once the silence in the room became too much to bear. "Not that I… But I do… Umm… Why didn't…?"

I swallowed hard and whispered as I turned to face him (but didn't make eye contact), "Because of you… And Toby…"

"Me?"

"Yeah," I replied staring at my hands. "Because of who that made me to him." I looked up at him and Dean looked like he was trying (but failing) to understand what I was attempting to explain. The more I spoke, the more I felt uneasy, so I sat back down and continued telling the tale to my hands that were now tightly folded in my lap. "See Dean… I was in a really weird frame of mind back then… I was still having… I felt like I was still trying to prove myself to everyone and… Well John and Bobby were Mum's only contacts that were willing to umm… Put up with me… And now I'm pretty sure that John only did because of Toby… he probably just wanted to make sure I didn't get myself killed… So yeah… Umm… That night… To me, in my mind… he was just 'John' and not 'John Winchester: Dean's Dad'… I don't really know why… But for him… I was always, no matter what I did, 'Addy Jones: Mother of his only grandchild'…"

"Oh…" He replied deep in his own thoughts. "Because I was sort of wondering about your relationship with him after remembering that note you wrote… You know that line: 'He was… Well I miss him.' I kind of thought that that meant that there was something more between you… And then you…" He paused to take in a few deep breaths then he clenched his jaw slightly as he continued, "You apologized for having inappropriate crushes and shit when you were… Uhh… Sick…"

I looked up at him to ask him my own confused sounding, "What? I don't re-re-remember that."

Dean sighed loudly, obviously not wanting to relive that experience again and then explained slowly, "Bobby touched your shoulder and it like burned both of you and then after he left with Sam you apologized for… Shit, how'd you put it…? 'Lusting' after other men… Then you kept telling me that you only ever wanted to be with me."

I took a second to try to figure out why I would have admitted something like that to him. When I finally did put two and two together, I laughed softly then replied, "Oh… Uhh… That… Umm… Well… Okay, but first you HAVE to promise that you won't interrupt or freak out until I've finished the whole explanation, okay?"

At hearing my ultimatum, Dean sat up straight and then skeptically agreed with a painfully slow and prolonged, "Oh-kay."

"Alright… Do you remember that job you worked in Montana a few years back when you met Gordon Walker?" I asked trying to keep myself from looking away from Dean. He just stared at me kind of blankly and didn't respond to my question, so I prodded gently asking, "Well?"

Dean shrugged then finally answered, "You said I couldn't interrupt, but yeah, I remember that job."

I breathed out a small sigh of relief then continued, "Well I was working it too… I got into town around the same time as you… I uhh… I hadn't realized that they were more like snuggly vampires, so I tried to find them at the regular haunts we always check out, just like you guys did and I ended up picking up a guy at the bar… and then we went back to his motel room…" Dean was almost wringing his hands together, so I tried to hurry through the rest of my story. "So… Long story short… He wasn't a vampire… He was just a douchebag and he tried to force himself on me… So I broke his nose and took off as fast as I could… And then I literally ran into Sam's chest during my retreat… Of course at the time I didn't know who he was, but he was really nice to me and even checked my forehead to see how badly injured I was and… Umm… Because of that I kind of had a crush on him… For like… Well it didn't last long… And…"

"And…?" Dean questioned wide-eyed.

"Well… Since I did figure out who he was before I left the parking lot… Umm… God this is so embarrassing…" I turned my gaze back to my lap and pick at the belt of my robe. "Any time… Whenever I… Shit… AnytimeIdreamtabouthim… Umm… He always… Fuck… Uhh… Hemorphedintoyou."

Without lifting my head, I stole a glance at Dean's reaction. I wasn't sure what I was expecting to see, but the grin that spread across his face definitely took me by surprise.

"So you struck out with Dad because he brought me up and then…? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong… You couldn't even fantasize about Sam when you sort of, kind of had a crush on him because he'd just turn into me…? Did I hear that right?"

Before answering I shot him a slightly amused glare and then replied, "Yeah, I guess that would be one way to put it… But after what happened earlier this year I'm guessing that it's probably got something to do with those lovely little brands that Cupid put on our hearts." We both fell silent again and just stared at our laps. After a couple of minutes I added with slight hesitation, "Which is why Crowley's comment truly was utterly and insanely ridiculous."

I slowly raised my head to see Dean nodding as he agreed, "Yeah, it is… When you know the whole story. But when you don't… The images that run through your head… They can be pretty disturbing."

A large lump formed in my throat and after a few hard swallows I managed to reply, "Oh… Right. I guess they could… I hadn't even considered that."

He nodded then stood up and tried to give me a hug, but I had to flinch away from his hold. He immediately took a large step back, so I tried to reach out and take his hand, but that movement hurt too much to complete as well.

"Dean! Don't… Shit!" I quickly exclaimed. "I think that I might have scrubbed like three layers of skin… so it fucking hurts like a son of a bitch when I move or touch it…"

He smiled softly then kissed the top of my head before saying, "Okay… Then you should make sure to take your time getting dressed."

Even if Dean hadn't offered that kind advice, I really didn't have a choice but to move slowly. As soon as I was alone, I threw my robe off and checked my reflection in the mirror. Much to my relief, I hadn't actually removed more than the usual amount of dead or dried skin that one would chafe away with an exfoliating scrub, but I had managed to severely dry out my skin, which was the cause of my discomfort.

"Shit… I should have gotten Dean to pull out my lotion," I grumbled while I tried to search through my bag with as little movement as possible.

After applying one coat of lotion, I could move a bit easier. Once I had used up over half of the bottle's contents, I was able to get dressed and move without succumbing to any debilitating pain. I still tried to find my loosest fitting clothing to wear just in case the feeling got worse, but I ended up borrowing a couple of Dean's shirts instead of wearing my own. We seemed to be on fairly good terms now, so I might have also borrowed them to test the waters with him as well, but I wasn't going to admit that to anyone, least of all myself.

When I made it downstairs, Sam was finally awake and the tension in the room was palatable. Bobby was on his way downstairs to search through books and other things to try to find more about the creatures Castiel had unwittingly unleashed on Earth and the Winchester brothers remained in the study staring at each other. The youngest in the room looked a bit shaken up while the eldest had what could only be described as his everyday look, otherwise known as a permanent scowl, on his face while he sipped at yet another glass of whiskey.

Sam's face softened considerably once I entered the room and he pointedly changed whatever subject he and his brother had been discussing before my intrusion by playfully teasing me. "Nice shirt Addy."

Dean looked over as I rolled the sleeves of the flannel shirt I was wearing up to my elbows and opened his mouth to make what I could only assume would be an annoyed comment, but I quickly said, "Yeah… I couldn't find anything of mine loose enough to actually move in without wanting to burst into tears… or rip my hair out from the pain." Sam's grin immediately faded as I turned to Dean and worriedly asked, "You don't mind do you? I can go back up and…"

"It's fine," Dean replied over my quiet concern. "Just don't make it smell too much like a girl, okay?"

"Would pie be too girly?" I countered as I lifted Dean's glass to my lips using his hand.

Both of the Winchesters just stared at me dumbly, so I continued into the kitchen to start my work. Sam recovered first and beamed at the positive shift in our interaction. Dean remained frozen in his place until he tried to take a drink from his now empty glass.

"Wait…! No! Lay! Lay! Pie would be fine!" He finally shouted in reply before glaring at his brother. "You had better be laughing at some lame ass joke Satan just made."

Sam shot his brother his best wounded, you just kicked my puppy for no reason, look then tried to shoot back his own confident retort, "Hey don't get all testy with me just because talking about Addy's homemade pie makes you sound like a babbling idiot."

While I prepared the pie, I had to remove the long sleeved shirt I was wearing because it not only made me way too warm to work; it also started to impede my movement because it really was too big for me. After the pie was in the oven, I started chopping some vegetables (meager as they were since Bobby had done the grocery shopping this week) and slicing some cheese in the hopes that we all, particularly Dean, would ingest something healthy. Even if it was just for today and if I had to use pie as a reward to get them to do so.

During the first calm tranquil moments in the house in what felt like ages, me shouting "SHIT!" had Dean and Bobby to their feet and in the kitchen in record time.

I had my back to the door while I cleaned my hand so Dean had to call out my name numerous times to get my attention. When I hear the worried voice, I looked over my shoulder and tried to flash him a bright smile.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's nothing major, I just sliced my finger," I explained as I jutted my chin towards the counter to my left. "I think only the last piece of cheese fell victim to my clumsiness."

Bobby came over to my left side to inspect the plate to see if the damage was as minimal as I thought. He smiled brightly as he popped a piece of carrot into his mouth and then replied, "Look like that's the only one we have to worry about. Why don't I get this cleaned up while Dean helps you out with that finger?"

I felt Dean start to wrap a protective arm around my waist, but before he could attempt to lead me out of the room, I stopped him and protested, "Really it's fine, I can take care of this on my own. It's no big… You stay, eat. I'll just run up, throw a Band-Aid on it and I'll be right back. It's not that bad, I swear."

Dean gently brushed some hair off my face saying, "It sounded really bad."

I smile guiltily then explained, "That was more out of frustration… Seriously I can use a machete to slice off a vampire's head without a scratch, but I can't chop veggies and cheese without needing stitches? Not that I do now… Just… You know… Honest, you eat… I'll be right back."

Since I had already cleaned the wound, all that I did need to do was throw on a bandage and it really wasn't anything to be concerned about. Once that was done, I groaned out loud to myself but tried to make sure that it wasn't so loud that I would alert Dean, Bobby or Sam's 'spidey sense' to me being in pain because although the cut was negligible, I had inadvertently used Dean's shirt to stem the flow of blood when I initially cut myself. I quickly locked the door then slipped the shirt over my head to wash it in the sink before the blood could set into a stain.

===============================================================================

"She's wearing your shirt and baking you a pie?" Bobby asked not trying to hide his bewilderment.

Dean refilled their drinks then sat with Bobby in the study and replied, "Yeah… We talked and she explained everything… And yeah we…"

"And you finally listened?" Bobby pointedly questioned to get Dean to focus.

"Yes Bobby. Like I said, we talked, alright?" Bobby nodded then after downing the rest of his drink, Dean turned to Bobby saying, "She had Castiel leave behind her scars from when she was possessed by… Uhh… Sydney. Did… did you know about that?"

Bobby stopped mid-bite then shook his head. "No, but I can't say that it surprises me in any way." Dean shot Bobby a confused look, so Bobby further explained, "Think about who we're talking about here Son. She's more like you than either of you will ever admit. She'll keep that as a reminder of what you and Toby saw and heard that day. It's kind of her way of wearing her guilt on her sleeve. She wants to have a reminder that she needs to be stronger."

"Bobby…!" Dean nearly shouted to try to scold the hunter.

"What Dean? I ain't saying it's right, but go take a good long look at her… And I mean really look. I bet… Correction… I KNOW that you'll find precisely four other scars on her body… One's from before Raphael pulled her out," Bobby explained.

"From before…? But when I got back, I didn't have any trace of any of my old wounds. Why would Raphael only leave some of hers behind?" Dean questioned sounding completely perplexed.

Bobby shook his head then answered with a soft chuckle, "He did it because Addy would have asked him to put them back… Because each one has a special meaning to her."

Dean narrowed his eyes before skeptically commenting, "And you're sounding like you know where each one would be too."

"Yep," Bobby replied simply before finishing his drink. When Dean gave him a hard, 'don't hold back on me' stare, Bobby quickly said, "Collarbone, lower back, left shin, and back of her right thigh." Dean looked sort of stunned and then he looked like he was going to ask a question but Bobby quickly added, "And no, I ain't gonna tell you why she'd want to keep those ones. You can ask her yourself if you haven't figured it out already."

Dean stood up and put his empty glass down on Bobby's desk announcing, "I think I'll do just that. Excuse me."

I easily washed the blood out of Dean's shirt and had it hanging in the room before he made it upstairs. I was still trying to find a suitable replacement when he came in and gently placed a hand on my lower back.

"Damn, he was right," Dean commented to himself as I turned to face him in a semi-shocked silence. He started traced the scarred flesh on my collarbone from the vampire bite I had received a couple of years ago as he observed, "When I came back… My skin was as smooth as the day I was born."

I took in a few excited breaths then sighed and answered with my eyes closed, "Oh yeah…? I didn't know that."

He leaned down and kissed my neck letting his hands fall to the small of my back. When his lips reached the scar at the base of my neck, he asked, "So where did you get this one?"

"You know that already… You were there…" I replied breathlessly.

"Humor me," he countered while he continued to nibble at my flesh because he knew from previous experience how much that would placate me.

"I go it… From when… I wasn't… h-honest with Mo and… and Toby got… kid-kid-kidnapped," I struggled to explain through bated breath.

Dean kneeled as he trailed his lips down to my stomach. He already knew my answer for why I had asked the angel that healed me to leave that scar, but he was now trusting even more in Bobby's explanation the more I spoke. I let myself get lost in the light-headed, euphoric feeling that Dean's touch elicited, so he continued while I tried to run my fingers through his hair.

He started stroking the healed claw marks on my back, using a feather light touch and looked up at me asking, "And these ones?"

I opened my eyes and almost told him that he knew that story too, but he instantly gave me a pleading look, so I answered sounding guilt-ridden, "They're from when I… I didn't pay attention and… a-and… ah-ah werewolf… k-k-kill… killed my Mum…"

Dean was starting to see the pattern that Bobby obviously already knew would exist. When he noticed that I wouldn't make eye contact, he sighed sadly but continued with his plan anyways. I almost protested when he slipped his hands under the elastic waistband of my yoga pants to start to remove them, but my objections got lost in my throat once his mouth found the sensitive spot on my collarbone again.

Once my pants were pooled around my ankles, Dean gently lifted my left leg up and wrapped it around his waist. He rested his cheek on my shoulder then questioned softly as he ran his fingertips under my knee and along the length of my shin, "When did you get this one?"

I held my breath to will away a sob before I replied, "Surgery after… From when I wasn't… w-w-wasn't paying attention, got hit by a car and lost… l-l-lost… our… our baby girl."

Dean froze in my arms, so I let my hands slip off his shoulders so I could try to shy away from his embrace. He leaned back to look at me and help a tight grip on my left leg so that I couldn't move it off of his hip. Even though I once again had my eyes closed while silent tears fell down my cheeks, I could feel Dean looking at me and instinctively knew that he a sad look in his eye.

"Lay… That wasn't your fault," he said tenderly as he tried to dry my cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. "Hey come on, open your eyes. Please? Please look at me?" I kept my eyes closed and shook my head until he released my leg to take my head in both of his hands. "None of that was your fault."

"Yes it was," I whispered, eyes still squeezed tightly closed as my trears continued to fall. "If I was stronger… Better…"

Dean leaned in and kissed me then whispered in my ear, "You're perfect."

I shook my head, emphatically replying, "No, no I'm far from perfect."

We stood there in silence while he continued to blot away the moisture on my cheeks as he realized that he wasn't going to be able to convince me not to believe that I had been the cause of those horrific events… At least not yet, so he went back to his first plan of action. He then lifted my right leg out of nowhere, so I quickly grabbed at the wall behind me to regain my balance and keep myself form falling. I finally opened my eyes when I felt him fall to his knees again and gently placed my right leg over his left shoulder. As he ran his knuckles over the back of my thigh, I swallowed hard and focused on the ceiling, hoping that I wouldn't have to explain that injury to him as well.

"Come on Lay, you know that I don't know the story behind that one," he stated as he lowered my leg and kissed my hip.

When I didn't reply, he sat back, still on his knees and looked up to my face. I bit my lip while trying to find the words to explain before I slowly said, "I umm… A demon… It got out of the Devil's Trap because… I… I jumped the gun and didn't let the paint dry… It… It impaled me on a hook before I could finish questioning it… S-s-someone died because I was impatient… and couldn't get it to talk before it got away."

"Lay…" He sighed sadly as he stood up. "All of these…? You asked him to put them back?"

I nodded as I chewed my bottom lip, not wanting him to see it quiver under the next impending onslaught of tears. Dean then gently gripped my upper right arm and asked, "Why not this one? You almost died stopping that vampire."

Again I shook my head as I answered, "You stopped it… I… I didn't do anything but get hurt… It… I don't matter…"

He ran his fingers through my hair then kissed me passionately to stifle my speech. "You matter Lay… You've helped so many people… Don't ever forget that."

Before I could attempt to reply, his lips were on mine again. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and relaxed into his embraces until I felt his hands slide down my ribcage to my hips. When Dean hooked his fingers under the legs of my panties, I gently pushed back on his shoulders.

Once he leaned back I protested saying, "Dean… No… You were right; we can't just make everything better with a kiss or sex." He stared at me and didn't speak so I continued, "We ignored each other for weeks… We can't… We shouldn't just jump in feet first… I need us to slow down."

Dean released me completely from his hold and took a step away looking wounded and confused. I quickly pulled on my pants and then grabbed the first shirt that I could reach out of my duffle bag. Dean turned away while I dressed then stood a few feet away from me with his back facing me.

"Dean…?" I asked softly while tentatively touching his shoulder.

He quickly wiped his cheek with his left hand then answered, "Okay… Yeah… You might have a point. I'll leave you alone."

Before I could clarify that that wasn't what I wanted, he hurriedly left the room. I stumbled over my feet slightly and sat down at the table and stared at the door, mentally kicking myself for letting things get that far when I had so many reservations. Now Dean was probably thinking that I was punishing him and I couldn't totally convince myself that I wasn't.

Bobby was in the kitchen, tending to the now forgotten pie, when Dean retrieved a beer from the fridge and slammed the door shut. He watched Dean out of the corner of his eye as the younger male paced around the kitchen. Dean walked over to the doorway to give the stairs a long, lingering look, but then he just returned to the kitchen and got himself another beer.

"Everything alright with you?" Bobby finally asked as he cut into the pie.

Dean dropped his weight onto a chair as he answered, "Yeah, I'm fine… But Lay… That girl has got a screw loose or something. Seriously…? She blames herself for all of those deaths and kidnappings? She must be cracked."

"Right because she's the only one that does that," Bobby replied not hiding his sarcasm or looking over at Dean.

When Bobby finally moved to the table, Dean shook his head to decline the piece of pie that Bobby was trying to hand to him. Bobby placed both plates on the table, stilled Dean's hand and forced the younger hunter to lower his beer bottle. "What happened up there Son? And don't you dare try to tell me it's was nothing because I ain't ever seen you say 'No' to pie… Not even when you had strep throat."

"It really is nothing," Dean tried to answer evasively.

"It ain't noting," Bobby asserted almost angrily. "I was serious before when I told you that I'm sick and tired of the bullshit that's been going on around here lately between…"

"She told me she wants to take it slow," Dean jumped in wanting just to move on from this topic. "When I tried… She shot me down like she did when she was sixteen."

"Oh Dean…" Bobby commented sadly.

"Okay, now what do you know that I don't?"

Bobby sat down at the table then steadied himself by taking a deep breath. "Son, you went up there and you stripped her bare…" Bobby waved his hand to silence any of Dean's impending commentary as he clarified, "Metaphorically Dean… You got her to tell you about things that she's been keeping from all of us, even herself to a degree, and then… while she was at her worst, her rawest, you got to be the strong confident one when you tried to be intimate with her."

"And?" Dean prodded, not following Bobby's logic.

"And Dean, after what's been going on here since we got back after… well you know… She's gotta know that she ain't been the only one that's been hurting. You see what I mean?"

Dean nodded then stood up to make his way to the back door answering, "Yeah, I think I do… But I think she's right, I need to step back a bit… clear my head."

At the door Dean suddenly paused then asked, "The scar on her right leg, she said that someone died because she couldn't get a demon to talk… Do you know when that happened? Who it was?"

"Crossroads demon… May 2nd, 2008," Bobby recited as if reading it out of a text book.

Dean's head whipped around so fast that he almost gave himself whiplash as he said, "That's when my deal came due."

Bobby nodded with a knowing smile and Dean just shook his head somewhat sadly saying, "I'll try to figure something out."

Some movement outside caught my attention, so I stood up to get a better look out the window. Dean was walking out to the garage and I could only assume it was to work on fine tuning the Impala. My stomach started to churn with my undeniable guilt, so I ran down the stairs to head out and try to talk with him and explain my rational.

Bobby was just placing his dirty dish into some soapy water when I got to the kitchen and I paused when I heard him shout, "Hey where's the fire Koala Bear?"

I looked over my shoulder then tried to reply but couldn't get the words out for some reason. Bobby walked over and took my hand to gently pull me away from the door saying, "Just give him a little time, okay?"

The look in Bobby's eye told me not to fight with him, so I held in my objections and instead replied, "I think that I've read every book upstairs at least five times… Do you have anything else that we need to go through?"

He nodded towards the study answering, "The pile by the couch… Sam and I were going to tackle those ones next."

I opened my mouth to say something else, but just bit my lip and then started towards the study. I stopped suddenly when I saw the half empty pie dish on the kitchen table. Bobby gave me a brief side hug then explained, "He ain't mad… he took his outside with him while he's working on some touch ups on the Impala."

===============================================================================

Dean finished his pie while trying to find a solution to the problem that Bobby had laid out for him. Nothing that he was coming up with seemed adequate, so he decided that a run into town might be in order. Maybe if he bought me a gift, maybe then I'd forgive him and I would believe that he was truly repentant. He climbed into the driver's seat flipping down the visor to retrieve his keys, but they didn't fall into his lap like they usually did, so he threw open the glove box to look for them there. It seemed to just be filled with everything, but the one thing that he was searching for, so he sat back in his seat to collect his thoughts and try to evoke any memory of where he last had his keys.

When he opened his eyes, he was confronted with the picture that Toby had left him of the two of us at my high school dance. He then let his eyes wander back to the open glove box and they landed on the one cassette tape that hadn't made it to the box with the rest of his collection. He carefully extracted it and without even having to reading Toby's handwritten inscription on it, he started smiling because he thought that he had come up with the perfect plan.

"Bobby! Bobby!" Dean called as he entered the house.

The older hunter walked slowly into the kitchen, book in hand silently asking Dean what the commotion was about. "Bobby! I got it… Uhh… Do you think that maybe you and uhh Sam could…?"

Bobby nodded towards Sam, who had hurried upstairs in response to his brother's yelling, and said, "I was going to head into town for a supply run… Sam why don't you give me a hand with it?" Sam agreed even though he wasn't sure why he and Bobby had to make themselves scarce. "I'll call in two hours… If you don't answer I'll either assume that you need more time or that she's finally gone and killed you."

===============================================================================

Dean opened the door and entered slowly, so I pushed the book I was reading aside saying, "Hey."

He replied with a simple, "Hey" then walked over to me with a determined look on his face. I remained seated and watched him apprehensively while I waited for him to make the next move because I was afraid that I'd cause another misunderstanding and spook him.

As he took my hand in his, he quietly said, "More than angry words I hate this silence… it's getting so loud. Well I want to scream, but bitterness has silenced these emotions… it's getting hard to breathe." He laced our fingers together then turned my hand so that he could see my ring while he continued, "So tell me isn't happiness worth more than a gold and diamond ring?" He pulled my hand to his chest and held it there so I could feel the rapid beat of his heart. "I'm willing to do anything… to calm this storm in my heart. I've never been the praying kind…" He paused then kneeled down in front of me and held both of my hands in my lap. "But lately I've been down upon my knees… not looking for a miracle… just a reason to believe…"

I thought that that was the end of his affirmation of love, so I opened my mouth to respond. He lifted a hand to my lips, so I took that as his way of asking me to let him finish and remained silent. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, laughed softly to himself and looked like he was trying to force himself to have the courage to say or do something else.

This time when he spoke, he actually found the melody of the song and started singing the lyrics instead of just reciting them. "Do you remember not long ago…? When we used to live for the night time? Cherish each moment? Now we don't live… we exist. We just run through our lives… so alone…" His voice broke slightly on the last high note as he stood up. Before continuing, he placed his forehead to mine and gently raked his fingers through my hair. "That's why you've got to hold me."

His voice broke again, but this time I could tell it was from a sob that wanted to escape his lips and not the pitch of the song, so I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him hard. We both stood up without breaking the embrace and when neither of us could breathe, we both reluctantly leaned out of the kiss slowly at the same time.

Dean once again rested his forehead on mine as I laughed softly through my pants and said, "For future reference… the lyrics to 'Crash and Burn' would work too."

He huffed out a breathy laugh replying, "Noted" and then he pulled my lips back to his.

Before things could get too heated, I pulled back again and tried to catch my breath. Dean looked completely confused as I pointed to a book and explained, "I think I found something that Bobby should know. I'll just be a second."

"They've gone on a supply run," Dean countered thinking that I would return to our previous course of action.

I stepped away then held up the book. "Okay, then I'll just write him a note. Seriously, I don't want to forget to tell him because it's really important… Plus… You know how dumb I can be after… Well… You know."

"Fine," Dean conceded sounding slightly annoyed. "Just don't take too long."

I quickly kissed his cheek then ran downstairs.

===============================================================================

"It's a couple hours' drive Dean and it could be a Leviathan thing," I heard Sam explaining as I slowly started to wake up from my impromptu nap.

"Nah… If you think I'm leaving you alone…" Dean protested.

Bobby quickly jumped in, "Hey! What am I? Chopped brains on toast? I can eyeball the kid. You and Addy go… Work off those nerves on something useful."

Dean looked towards the study shaking his head and didn't hide his testiness as he replied, "No… It's fine… We should just let her… sleep."

When he closed the back door, I sat straight up at Bobby's desk then looked down at the note I had written. It was slightly illegible and when I ran the back of my hand over my mouth I had my reason why the ink had smudge. I figured I must have passed out in the deepest sleep that I had had since we had left this house to meet with Bobby's friend because I only drooled like that when I was dead asleep or sick.

Then it hit me… I had left Dean upstairs waiting… and now he was leaving for a hunt and rejected the suggestion to take me along as back up. I jumped to my feet but only made it to the front steps in time to see the taillights as they faded down the driveway towards the main road.

"Something happen Koala Bear?" Bobby asked once he joined me at the front door.

"Yeah, I just proved that I'm the world's biggest idiot." I turned to him then he led me back into the study where Sam was waiting for us explaining, "I finally found something that talks about Leviathans… For some reason I just HAD to write you a note and couldn't wait until after Dean and I had… Uhh… Finished his umm… Apology."

They both nodded sympathetically to show they understood what I meant and then Sam squeezed my hand saying, "What was it that you found Addy?"

We continued working on any leads that we could find or that had been passed onto us by any of Bobby's contacts. I tried my best to remain focused and pretend that my thoughts weren't drifting back to Dean and how I had screwed things up royally this time. But that proved to be an even harder task than trying to find any concrete information about Leviathans. Once it started to get late, Bobby retired for the night, but I remained stubbornly determined to stay up, partially because I wanted to apologize to Dean as soon as he got back.

I guess that my fatigue got the best of me because the next thing I knew, Sam was placing his phone on the desk and slipping his arm under my legs. I started to wake up, but didn't fight to become fully alert and just hugged Sam's neck tightly while he carried me up the stairs like I was a small child.

After he placed me on the bed, I grabbed Sam's hand sleepily asking, "Promise you'll wake me up as soon as he gets back?"

Sam gently unwrapped my fingers from around his wrist while quietly replying, "I promise."

In the morning I woke up alone, so I hurried over to the window and breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't see the Impala parked out in the yard. I convinced myself that that meant that Dean hadn't made it back to Bobby's and then I forced myself to prepare for the day as if it was any other day and not the day after I might have ruined any chance for our reconciliation. The only difference today compare to most any other day was that I allowed myself a brief moment of weakness and cried while I was showering. When I got out of the shower, I told myself that I wouldn't allow myself to worry until Dean finally made it back and I could see for myself where his head space might be at right now.

"Look I don't want to bruise your ego or anything, but…" Bobby was explaining as he put his jacket on.

Sam shook his head interrupting, "No, no, no. It's okay. Go… Go, go… I'll… I'll watch the phones." _So just you and me, huh?_ Sam heard Lucifer's bemused voice.

"You sure?" Bobby questioned out of habit one more time.

"Yeah," Sam confirmed somewhat unconvincingly.

I stepped into the room silently then added, "Plus I'm here Bobby."

The eldest hunter turned to me and smiled gratefully. _Ooh, a_ _mé_ _nage à_ _trois,_ Lucifer teased causing Sam to worriedly reply, "No, no it's okay, you go with Bobby. I'll… I'll be fine."

I stepped up to Sam and tried to look him straight in the eye as I sternly stated, "No, I'm staying here with you." My voice started to betray me and warbled slightly as I tried to finish confidently, "He'd… he'd be even more pissed off at me if… i-if I left you alone."

Sam quickly scooped me into a hug then waved Bobby off with a silent, "Call us soon."

 _She smells like… well heaven, doesn't she Sammy?_ Lucifer continued to taunt Sam in his mind. _Do you think she'll let us have some fun with her? Oh, what? You don't deserve it, right?_

I felt Sam tense up slightly as he squeezed me close to his chest, but when he didn't say anything I figured it was just his way of showing me some empathy for the situation I could never hide from him or Bobby, even if I tried. I let him hold me until he wanted to break the embrace and then we both turned and got back down to work without speaking another word. We both made it through another stack of books and weeded through numerous websites trying to separate fact from fiction, myth from reality, but without knowing exactly what had happened to Castiel, we didn't really know if we were dismissing reality for fantasy to hastily or not. Surprisingly enough, it was Sam that suggested we stop for a lunch break and when he took the initiative to make the meal, I just sat back and let him do all of the 'dirty' work.

Neither of us were particularly inclined to bring up our own issues with the most important Winchester in our lives, so Sam and I tried our best to cover a variety of different topics that didn't seem to be related to Dean. He tried to innocently ask me about Toby and the Connors, but that immediately reminded me of the confessions I had made to Dean, so I changed the subject clumsily and quickly. When I tried to ask him about his wounded hand out of genuine concern since I had work so hard to keep it clean while he was out of commission, he stared at something over my shoulder with a strange look on his face and then he too stumbled as he changed the subject.

After another hour or so of awkwardness, we silently decided to divide up the books to continue our research independently. He ended up downstairs in the Panic Room and I retreated once again upstairs to the bedroom I had been hiding in before. When I heard him in the kitchen again, I finally checked the time on the clock of my laptop and realized that our usual dinnertime had hit and assumed that he was making dinner. For some reason I wasn't feeling hungry and after our uncomfortable attempts at making polite conversation at lunch time, I wasn't too eager to participate in a repeat performance and like a complete coward, I just stayed hidden upstairs.

The more I continued to read through ancient text in an English that I sometimes didn't even understand, the more I started to feel like I was going around in circles without actually finding anything new or of use. It could have been because of this feeling that I might have gotten a little side tracked while surfing the web. Toby had earned a spot on a Premier League roster, so I somehow looked up and eventually started to scrutinize the box scores of every single game that he had played with them. Within two weeks he had taken over as the starting first baseman and in a fit of unbridled joy and excitement, I started writing him an email to gush and tell him how proud I was to be… a part of his life. As I typed I found it hard to find the words that I wanted to write to him because I had gotten so used to being his 'Mum' that I almost couldn't remember what it was like to be just 'Addy' to him, even though for the majority of his life that all I had ever been to him.

"SAM! SAMMY?" Dean's voice carried loudly from downstairs as a welcomed distraction from yet another conundrum that plagued my life. "SAM?"

I met him at the bottom of the stairs to the main floor and before I even had a chance to speak he quickly demanded, "Where's Sam?"

"He's probably still downstairs," I answered meekly. "Here… I'll go down and get him for you."

Dean shook his head then muttered, "Oh… Crap."

"What? What's wrong Dean? I'm sure he'll be up in a second."

"He's… he's not here," Dean answered somewhat absentmindedly. "Fuck!"

He turned to leave without any other explanation, so I grabbed his arm asking worriedly, "Dean? What's wrong? Where's Sam? What's happened? Please?"

"I… I don't know… But I have to find him…" He shook his head then looked down at me adding in an oddly neutral tone, "It's really important I find him as soon as possible."

========================  
                    Change of POV  
========================

Dean found his brother in a warehouse and then after helping Sam to find a way to fight his hallucinations, they made their way back to Bobby's house. Neither one was particularly excited about taking on their latest foe, but when they saw the smoldering rubble that had once been Bobby's home and their safest refuge, they both secretly wished that they could have had a tussle with the ancient creatures in order to make this grizzly sight fade away like they had the figments of Sam's imagination.

They spilt up to check so that one of them could check the perimeter while the other investigated the interior as best they could without getting hurt while inside of the remains of the actual structure. Dean climbed out of a hole that used to be a walkway that had led to the cellar door and just showed Sam a scorched journal that he had found as if to show his brother that that was just a tiny example of what could and would find in there.

"The place is torched," Dean observed authoritatively. "Somebody knew what they were doing."

Sam followed Dean towards the rows of cars innocently asking, "You think Bobby was back there? Shit! Where's Addy? She… You didn't find…?"

Dean shook his head, trying his best to remain strong for his brother like he always had in the past as he answered, "I don't know. Let's split up… We'll cover more ground that way."

Once Dean was alone, he pulled his phone and tried calling Bobby in the hopes that the older hunter hadn't had a chance to finish his job in town before his home had been destroyed. After leaving Bobby a sadder sounding message than he had meant to, Dean stared at his phone debating if he should even try calling her cell. If she didn't answer he wasn't sure which reasoning would be harder for him to stomach because that either meant she didn't want to take his calls or worse yet, it could mean that she couldn't take his call.

_Hey it's Addy! Obviously you have something important to tell me, so don't chicken out now. I promise I'll get back to you as soon as I get a chance! *BEEP*_

"Lay… Lay… Tell me you're out getting dinner… Tell me you just had to go for a drive… I don't care. Just fucking tell me you aren't… You weren't in there. Tell me this burning sensation in my chest right now is an ulcer that you warned me about getting from not eating right. Lay, I'm sorry. I love you, I need you. God, why didn't I just tell you that? Please, please! Call me and tell me that I didn't leave you… didn't leave you behind to die here, alone. Just… just call me back."

Dean hung up his phone and while he was still staring at the screen it faded to black then shouted, "LAY! BOBBY…! LAY!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Dean was reciting/singing to Addy was Savage Garden's "Hold Me" from the album 'Affirmation' if you were wanting to listen to it to hear the full sentiment behind the words.


	23. Can You Believe What a Year It's Been?

Dean woke up slowly, his body in so much shock that he almost forgot where he was and everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours. Once the room came into focus, his eyes landed on a poster for the hospital and he started to panic while chanting, "No, no, no" over and over as he pulled out the needle for the IV from his left arm and attempted to get out of the bed.

He went to step out of the bed, but as soon as his casted leg hit the ground, his body landed on top of it with a loud THUD. He tapped the plaster of the cast as if he didn't understand what was happening or why he would find himself in such a condition as he muttered, "What?"

The sound of the door knob turning and the hinges creaking open forced his attention away from his leg and then his eyes darted around the room looking for something that he could use as a weapon to defend himself. Bobby entered the room while checking that no one was watching him and Dean just stared at him dumbly. Bobby turned to talk to Dean and when he found the younger man on the floor, he scowled disapprovingly.

"You okay?"

Dean continued to stare at him in amazement as he slowly asked, "Bobby, you're alive?"

"Course I am," Bobby answered as if it was it was the silliest question that Dean could have asked at a time like this. "Why are you on the floor?"

"They gave me morphine… A lot," Dean replied simply as if that was the only answer that would have been acceptable for Bobby's question.

Bobby stepped over towards Dean to help him onto the bed as Dean explained, "Hey look… A monster broke my leg. Oh… Wait… The house… We thought that you two were dead…"

"Well I ain't," Bobby answered as he quickly closed the blinds in the room, triple checking that no one had been alerted to his presence and not noticing that Dean had said 'two' as opposed to just 'you'.

Dean shook his head trying to will the dizziness his fall had caused away before saying, "Wait… Wait! Where's Lay? How is she?"

Bobby froze and looked over his shoulder while still closing blinds replying, "I… I thought that she was with you and Sam… I didn't see her at… There."

Dean turned away slightly with a guilty look on his face explaining, "No… She was… Waiting for us at the house just in case Sam made it back before I found him."

Bobby closed his eyes while taking in a slow, calming breath before answering, "I'm… I'm sure that she's fine… We'll try calling her later, but we got to run… This place ain't safe. Where's Sam?"

"Uh… Head scan, I think." Dean watched Bobby as the older man moved around the room and almost said something else about Addy, but just bit his tongue instead.

Bobby passed Dean his clothes while instructing him, "Meet me at the ambulance dock, stat. I'll find Sam."

The older hunter then turned to leave but paused when Dean called out, "What? Where? I'm a gimp here."

Bobby pivoted, looked around the room then grabbed a pair of crutches and handed them to a bewildered Dean. With an encouraging smile on his face, Bobby patted Dean's cheek a few times then he quickly left the room to go find Sam. Dean looked down at his clothes and crutches sadly wishing that he had someone that would do all of the hard work of dressing him or pushing him in a wheelchair instead of having to take care of all of that himself. Then he remembered why he was in the hospital and he snapped out of his state of self-pity.

He had to rip the seam of his jeans to accommodate the cast and once he was fully dressed, he tested out the crutches, grumbling quietly to himself when he didn't get the hang of using them straightaway. Once he felt that he wasn't going to fall on his face again, Dean ventured into the hallway. Over the past few years, he had visited more than his fair share of hospitals when loved ones had been admitted for a variety of reasons and it still amazed him how much all of the hospitals were alike, not matter in which State they were located. He instinctively knew that all he had to do was get off the ward that he was on right now to find the Emergency Room in order to get to the ambulance bay for his rendezvous with Bobby and Sam.

As he struggled to get used to the crutches, Dean was given more than one quizzical look from nurses, patients and visitors that he passed. One doctor did seem to take special notice of the retreating Winchester once Dean made his final approach to the exit. Dean paused slightly when he heard someone call his name, but then he saw that it was that doctor with a nurse that had called him and not Bobby like he had hoped it would have been. He didn't immediately realize that they were actually the things that he, Bobby and Sam were retreating from by leaving the hospital, but Dean's first instinct was to flee when someone knew his name or recognized him in a situation like this. John had taught his sons early on that the best soldiers were the ones that could do their job undetected and that practice carried over easily (and served them well) into their careers as hunters.

Dr. Gaines nearly punched the exit door out of frustration when the ambulance that Bobby was driving tore out of its parking spot as he muttered a few curses.

The nurse he was with took his hand, smiling sinisterly and quietly said, "I have a surprise for you." He looked down at her with a quizzical expression on his face as she tugged his arm to guide him back towards the ward that they had been on when they first saw Dean and explained, "It may only be a small consolation, but you do deserve a hearty snack… And this one… Mmm she looks tasty."

Being the seasoned hunter that he was, Bobby had planned the Winchesters' escape down to the finest detail, or at least as close to the smallest detail that he could on such short notice. They ditched the ambulance on a rural dirt road just a few miles away from the hospital where he had a car waiting for them. He and Dean struggled to maneuver Sam out of the back of the ambulance and to the back seat of the car and this task was only made more difficult with Dean's new handicap.

After Dean nearly fell for the third time and hit Bobby with his crutches for the fourth or fifth time, Bobby finally had had enough and yelled at him out of pure frustration, "Dean! Just go…! Get in the front seat and I'll take care of this too!"

Dean scowled but complied without any objections because his leg was starting to throb so badly that the pain was almost blinding causing him to have difficulties staying upright at the moment. Bobby left Sam on the stretcher then tried to slide the younger male onto the back seat of the car as gently as he could. He wasn't sure how far gone Sam was this time around or how serious the bump that was forming on his head was, but one thing that Bobby felt quite confident about was that nothing he could do right now would wake Sam, no matter how much he wished that he could.

While he did a quick check of Sam's vital signs and pupil responses, Bobby overheard Dean nearly whimpering in pain (although he knew Dean would maintain that it was a manly grunt that Bobby actually overheard). He popped the lid of the cooler that he had tucked in behind the driver's seat and passed Dean a bottle of water over Dean's shoulder. After Bobby tapped Dean on the shoulder no less than four times, Dean tentatively claimed the bottle.

"Pain killers are in the glove box," Bobby informed him as the older man adjusted Sam's position slightly in the hopes that he could ensure the unconscious man's comfort the best that he could. "And granola bars are in the center console."

Dean read the label of the prescription bottle while Bobby continued to explain his game plan, but Dean didn't hear a word that was being said once his eyes reached thee name that was typed out above the name of the medication.

" _ **Okay, so here's your jacket… And a blanket… Yeah, here's that too… Toby's already headed out to pack your crutches into the truck for us… and… your bag… Right, can't forget that," Dean hurriedly explained as he piled everything onto Addy's lap.**_

" _ **Dean," she called out softly while he continued frantically piling up cards and flowers together on the counter beside the bed. "Dean!" She tried again and again, getting a bit louder with each attempt until she was finally able to grab one of his arms. "Dean! Slow down. We won't forget anything, but we still have to wait for Dr. Wingren to get back with the discharge papers… Just take it easy."**_

_**After a little more prodding, he finally took a seat at the foot of the bed so that he was facing Addy. She took both of his hands in hers then pulled him forward to place a soft kiss on his lips. He tried to sit back, but her grip was too tight and she kept him leaning forward and close to her. Before she could say anything else, they were interrupted by Toby's voice animatedly explaining, "Yeah Bobby we get to bring Mum home today! FINALLY! Oh… But you missed out on getting to sign her cast."** _

_**Addy leaned back and allowed Dean to sit back as well, but she maintained a firm hold on both of his hands as she turned to face the new comers, smiling brightly. Toby nearly vaulted himself forward to wrap her in an overly enthusiastic hug, but Bobby stood frozen in his place at the door holding a small paper bag in both hands in front of him and staring at the three of them in a stunned silence.** _

_**Bobby had come to visit Addy a couple of times, but she had been asleep or unable to accept any visitors each time that he had been at the hospital. The first time he had come to the hospital, Bobby hadn't been able to even make it into Addy's room and instead sat outside with Toby who had explained everything that had happened to the hunter to the best of his ability. Before leaving that day, Bobby had stolen a glance through her room's window and was barely able to hold back a sob when he saw the nearly catatonic woman wrapped in her loving partner's arms on her bed.** _

_**Now he could see the full extent of her injuries (or remnants of them) as well as the toll the past few months had had on her body. When she was younger and would make pit stops at his house with her parents, he had teased her from the time that she was a teenager into adulthood that she could never pass for a hunter if she stayed so skinny. His favorite way to tease her was to tell her that a monster would be able to snap her in two like a twig on a hot summer's day and then he would test her reflexes and agility in some way. Addy knew that he was trying to get to her, but she rose to the occasion every time and won… Most of the time (she let Bobby win on a few occasions to keep from bruising his ego too much). But right now, the way that she looked made him almost feel sick with worry and regret. Not only had she lost a significant amount of weight (her clothes were hanging off her as if she were wearing Dean's clothing and not her own), her skin was so pale that it accentuated every bruise and cut that lingered as reminders of the accident that had caused her to be admitted in the hospital.** _

_**In response to the painfully sad look in Bobby's eyes, Addy raised a hand to the small cut that had been stitched up over her right eye. Then both of their gazes landed on her leg that had just recently been freed from her cast where it laid sitting out straight on the foot rest of her wheelchair. When she looked like she might cry at realizing how feeble she must have looked, Bobby forced himself to give her a warm smile and pushed his own sad thoughts aside.** _

" _ **Hey Koala Bear, it's really good to see you," Bobby finally spoke as he walked into the room and towards where she was sitting.**_

_**Toby jumped onto the bed and took a seat beside Dean so that Bobby could give her a brief hug as she quietly replied, "You too Bobby. I'm glad you could make it out."** _

_**When she turned her eyes up to him, he look like he was lost in his own thoughts then he suddenly explained, "Oh, here… Maureen asked me to bring this in…" He quickly handed her the bag while elaborating on his previous statement, "She was talking with Dr. Tomkins… Those are umm… Your prescriptions and things."** _

_**Addy knew there would be more than just pain killers and antibiotics in the bag, so she quickly put it away and out of sight. Feeling guilty that she hadn't talked to Bobby about her condition sooner, Addy nearly rambled out an explanation for the other medications and pill bottles that Bobby would have seen, but stopped herself when Maureen entered the room with her doctor.** _

_**Dr. Wingren smiled warmly then said with the barest hint of a tease, "Looks like someone is eager to get home."** _

_**Addy looked up at him with a sheepish grin answering, "Yeah… Umm… Sorry… Dean and I were just… Umm…"** _

" _ **It's fine Addy," the doctor interrupted gently. In an effort to further ease Addy's mind, he squeezed one of her hands before passing her a large envelope filled with an assortment of paperwork. "No one likes to have to spend more time in the hospital than they have to _ **…**_ I'm only here because they pay me." He paused to make sure that Addy looked more relaxed and when she laughed softly at his joke he continued, "Now in the envelope there are the schedules for your follow up appointments as well as your physiotherapy. And… When I ran into Maureen she was speaking with Dr. Tomkins and it sounds like you've already made arrangements with him as well?"**_

_**Addy nodded softly nearly whispering her reply, "Yes Sir… I have."** _

_**He squeezed her hand again with an encouraging smile as he said, "That's very good to hear. You take care of yourself Addy. A nurse will be in shortly to unhook you from all of these machines and then you'll be free to leave." He looked up to Dean and nodded politely. "You all have my number if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call."** _

_**Dean extended his right hand and shook the doctor's hand firmly as he offered a slightly broken, "Thank you for everything that you've done for us. Hopefully we won't have to call."** _

_**While everyone said their goodbyes to the doctor, Toby had retrieved a box to pack up all of the flowers, cards and other gifts that Addy's visitors had brought into her over the past three months. He had overheard her tell Dean that she didn't actually want to take any of them to her new home because she didn't want to have any reminders of the accident while she tried to move on, so he was just going to bag everything up and throw it away, but Maureen convinced him to do otherwise. She had asked him to box everything up instead so that it could be stored at the house because she knew that after Addy had completed her mourning period and had had some time to come to terms with everything that she might appreciate the small tokens of everyone's love. Addy had always looked up to Maureen for moral support and had deferred to her logic on more than one occasion, so Toby wasn't inclined to go against his Mom's wishes now because Addy had always told him that he should trust the person who wasn't making their decision based on their emotions when he started to hunt.** _

_**A nurse entered the room almost as soon as Dr. Wingren left, so Dean took everyone aside while she worked at detaching all of the medical equipment from Addy's body and did a final check of her leg. They had all worked hard at getting the new house ready for Dean and Addy to move into once Addy was released, but they had also made sure to only do the bare minimum because they wanted Addy to feel like she was making it her home. Dean was worried that the new house, as sparse as it was, might overwhelm her and he thought things might appear even worse if she was meeting this new challenge with a full audience. They all had been thinking the same thing as Dean and immediately agreed with him, so Dean passed his keys to their old house to Bobby so that he could stay there during his visit and Maureen offered to make dinner for everyone. Before Dean could worry too much, Maureen made sure that it was clear that they would only come over for a visit if Addy was feeling up to it, but either way she would drop the food off for them so he wouldn't have to make dinner.** _

_**When they drove up to their new house, Addy almost lost the ability to breathe. Dean sat outside in the Yukon with her just staring at the front yard for about fifteen minutes before he got antsy, so he started unpacking the truck. She remained mute and in her place while Dean carried everything into the house. Once he was done, he opened Addy's door and stood beside her, holding one of her hands tightly and petting her head gently.** _

_**Dean bit back a sad sigh just as Addy finally spoke. "I think we should get some lavender for the garden." She turned her head to look over at him with a sad smile on her face but her voice remained devoid of emotion. "My Mum always made sure to have lavender growing in her gardens."** _

_**Dean wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her head replying, "That sounds like a good idea… We can go shopping tomorrow and pick anything that you want for the yard."** _

_**The first couple of days were the hardest not only emotionally and physically for Addy to complete the transition from hospital to home. Dean and Bill had tried their best to find a house with a similar layout so that there would be at least a small measure of familiarity during their transition, but Addy's healing leg made most movements uncomfortable and stiff no matter what she did. On day one after Dean helped Addy to their new bedroom, she spent the rest of the day there in bed and only got up to eat dinner when Bobby and the Connors dropped by at her insistence that they come by for a visit. After that she decided that the easiest thing for her to do was to just try to spend less and less time in bed every day, but some days she was almost tempted not to the safe haven of Dean's embrace at all.** _

" _ **Hey… So I'm lined up to start on that job site I told you about tomorrow… Did you…? Umm… Need a refill on any of your prescriptions?" Dean asked before he started brushing his teeth.**_

_**Addy stepped up behind him to retrieve her toothbrush and smiled sadly to herself when she saw Dean checking over each of her pill bottles. He reached one that appeared to be full and whose contents were practically untouched so she tried to answer him before he could start to worry about it. "That's okay… I'm seeing Grace for physio and then I have an appointment with Dr. Tomkins tomorrow, so I can swing by the Pharmacy… But thank you, I appreciate the offer."** _

_**They both finished their nightly routine and got ready for bed, but Dean seemed to keep one wary eye on the full prescription bottle on the countertop at all times. "Those are the painkillers that Dr. Wingren prescribed," Addy explained while somewhat avoiding eye contact.** _

_**Dean wrapped an arm around her waist and led her to bed confessing, "Oh, I was wondering because you've barely touched them and you've seemed to be sticking to the… Umm schedule pretty closely for uhh everything else."** _

" _ **Well…" She started with a chuckle as she cuddled into Dean's side under the covers. "The pins do kind of pinch and ache after my physio appointments, but it's not that big of a deal." Dean combed his fingers through her hair, but stopped when she had completed that statement. Addy felt his body tense slightly, so she took one of his hands in hers and placed it over the scar on her exposed collarbone. "I could have used them when I got this… or got jumped by a werewolf… or shot…" She was trying to sound light-hearted, joking like she would have in the past to ease Dean's mind, but he didn't seem to relax at all. She leaned up and nibbled on his neck and ear reaffirming, "Hey… I'm fine… I'm pretty sure that I slept through the worst of it, this is nothing compared to what we've had to deal with in the past. Please, try not to worry about me so much… I'm healing, it's all good."**_

_**Dean kissed her softly then answered, "As long as I get to worry a little bit about you."** _

Dean shook the pill bottle absentmindedly observing, "It's still full."

Bobby stole a glance to his right and barely caught a glimpse at the name that was on the label of the bottle. Given Dean's reaction, Bobby knew that if he was able to read it, he would find 'JONES, ADELAIDE V.' printed above the name of the medication. When he had thought that she was safe and sound with the Winchesters or some other safe house that the brothers knew about, Bobby hadn't thought twice about Dean using her untouched medications and didn't even try to find anything else since the bottle was already in the car.

"She's smart and she's strong," Bobby said supportively. "I'm sure that we'll hear from her soon… She knows what she's doing."

Dean popped one of the pills into his mouth, washed it down with a long drink of water and then he tossed the bottle back into the glove box and nearly slammed it shut. As he adjusted his visor mirror so that he could watch Sam while he was sleeping, Dean asked, "So where are we heading to?"

Bobby's jaw hung open slightly as he watched Dean out of the corner of his eye because he had just spent the last ten minutes explaining everything that he had planned to Dean. He had already gone over where they would hide out, how he would retrieve Dean's beloved car and son, but he could see how shaken up Dean about Sam once again being comatose and about not knowing where Addy was or if she was alive, so Bobby let Dean's inattentiveness slide.

"Rufus had a place in Montana that he liked to go to when he want to ignore the civilized world. It ain't fancy, but it's shelter and off the grid," Bobby explain as if it was the first time that he was relating that piece of information. "And I was able to find your back up duffels in the Impala, so you don't have to worry about that either."

Dean's eyes never left the reflected image of his brother's form as he nodded in reply, but Bobby knew that once again Dean wasn't actually listening to what he was saying so he ended the long winded conversation there. Once they hit the highway, Dean seemed to relax slightly and nearly dozed off in his seat. Bobby refocused all of his attention to the road after finding a suitable radio station to listen to for the duration of this leg of the trip.

During Bobby's first pit stop for gas, he was almost tempted to wake Dean to check what he might want to eat, but stopped himself from actually rousing him. He knew the Winchesters well enough to know that if he had some form of junk food for Dean and something that resembled healthy food for Sam then both would keep their complaints to a bare minimum. Plus, this was the first time that the lines on Dean's forehead had finally softened and looked somewhat relaxed, so Bobby wanted to allow him his moment of tranquility because he knew they were always few and far between in a hunter's life.

After gassing up the car, Bobby double checked on his two sleeping companions before he pulled out his cell phone and walked away from the vehicle.

_Hey it's Addy! Obviously you have something important to tell me, so don't chicken out now. I promise I'll get back to you as soon as I get a chance! *BEEP*_

"Hey Koala Bear…" Bobby started quietly before a brief pause to swallow hard and force his voice not to crack. "We just need to know that you're okay… So call any of us, alright? We all have our phones on… and… we miss you, so… call us… please?"

Dean was awake and staring at his phone's blackened screen. Bobby slipped behind the wheel and gently placed the plastic bag at his feet, trying not to disturb Dean. The sound of the rustling plastic brought Dean out of his reverie, but Bobby didn't attempt to start a conversation until the younger man had torn into one of the packages of snowballs that he had bought.

"Any luck?" Bobby asked hoping Dean would understand which topic Bobby was referring to with just that simple question.

Dean actually took a moment to swallow his food before answering, "Call went straight to voicemail."

Bobby nodded sadly then said, "Yeah, mine rang through to her voicemail too… How's the leg?"

Dean shrugged then took out the pill bottle so Bobby answered his own question by commenting, "Should hurt less once we get settled and you can get off of it."

The drive out West took longer than Bobby would have like, but with Dean unable to drive due to his dominant leg being in a cast and Sam in his unconscious state, he was stuck with the task of doing all of the driving completely on his own. As much as he would have like to have just driven through the night to put as much distant as humanly possible between Sioux Falls and their final destination, Bobby had to stop at a Rest Stop just off the highway en route to Montana when he found that he was having difficulties keeping his eyes open so that he could drive once they reached Wyoming. Sam thankfully woke up somewhere near the Montana border and was feeling well enough that he was able to take over driving for part of their journey and Bobby had a chance to properly rest in the back seat.

It didn't take the three men too long before they were settled into the house and their own semblance of a regular routine. Sam and Bobby searched the cabin in the hopes that they would fine anything remotely useful in order to continue their research, but that check turned up nothing of use so Sam focused his energies on searching the internet. Once there was enough food to last the two brothers for a while (Bobby was careful not to give a finite time frame), Bobby left to run errands and to try to re-establish some, if not all, of his old connections for leads until he was able to gather up enough of his old books and text to continue researching from that angle on his own.

After Bobby's departure, Sam started to watch Dean more closely to monitor his overall demeanor before finally asking, "Dean? Umm… Has Addy or Toby come up with anything that might be helpful?"

Although Dean's back was facing him, Sam could sense his brother's sad frown that would have overtaken his face during that line of questioning. Dean's shoulders hunched slightly as he answered, "Shit… You… uou don't remember… Fuck…"

"Remember?" The younger Winchester questioned innocently when his brother didn't elaborate further.

"Yeah… When… when we got back to Bobby's… We… You and me… We found it had been firebombed or something and I… we couldn't find Lay… When I left there she had stayed behind to wait for you just in case… But then… We… And now… Umm… We haven't…" Dean somewhat reluctantly explained not wanting to show that dent in his armor so soon.

"We haven't heard from Addy since then?" Sam said as more of a question than a statement in mild shock. "Shit! You…? You don't think that she was in Bobby's… Or…? Do you…?"

Dean clenched his jaw then through gritted teeth replied, "It's the only thing that makes sense… So…? Any news on the Levia… Leviathings?"

"No… Nothing yet," Sam replied with a truly remorseful tone. He almost about to ask Dean something else but lately the Winchester standard had been to keep their inflammatory commentary to themselves, so Sam followed suit in this instant even though it went against his gut instincts.

Dean sat frozen in his place because he was anticipating further interrogation from his brother, but all he heard was the steady tapping sound of Sam working away on his laptop once again. He was almost tempted to ask Sam what he was working on right now, but he found a TV channel that was completely free and clear of static to watch and Dean found that option to be more appealing than have to talk with Sam. Dean wasn't trying to be difficult or distant with his brother, but he was worried that if they started any conversation along those lines right now that it would find its way to Dean having to explain why he had left Addy alone at Bobby's, even with the knowledge those creatures were on their way to South Dakota and Dean still wasn't ready to admit his guilt… At least not out loud.

As the hours passed, Sam made them a quick meal and then he took a break from his seemingly fruitless research to watch TV with his brother. Dean had started to have a little too much fun with his leg injury and had taken to ordering Sam around like his own helper monkey to fetch a few things here or there around the cabin to (as Dean put it) ensure his comfort to aid in a speedy recovery. However by the time that Sam placed his dinner plate in front of him, Dean realized that he might be pushing his brother's kindness beyond its limit. To show his appreciation for everything that Sam had done up to this point, Dean himself made an effort to find a movie on one of the limited channels they could receive that would be to his brother's liking.

They both braced to settle in for what they thought was going to be a relaxing evening until Dean's phone started ringing which abruptly brought them back to reality. Sam had to run to retrieve the phone for his brother, but he just handed it to Dean without looking at the caller ID.

Dean was still feeling on edge from not knowing Addy's whereabouts, so he too ignore his caller ID before answering his phone with a hurried, "Hello?"

 _"Uhh… Hi…? Uncle Dean…?"_ A tentative sounding Toby replied.

Dean's heart fluttered slightly with excitement because he was certain that Toby was calling him with good news. He sat up straight and didn't attempt to mask his excitement as he answered, "Oh! Hey Buddy! How are you doing?"

" _Umm… I'm… I'm okay,"_ Toby replied through an uncharacteristic stammer. _"Umm… Can you…? Uhh… Can you pass a message onto Auntie Addy for me…I've been trying to call her and I've left her a bunch of messages but now when I call it only says that her mailbox is full so I couldn't tell her that I think that I've found something and…"_

A large lump formed in Dean's throat that he had a hard time trying to swallow away while Toby continued his explanation in his more usual rapid fire fashion that seemed to overwhelm everyone but Addy. While Toby was still effectively rambling, Dean hoarsely said, "She… Lay's… Lay isn't with you?"

Toby stopped mid-sentence nearly shrieking through the phone, _"SHE ISN'T WITH YOU?"_ Before Dean could respond the teen then yelled accusatorily, _"WHERE IS SHE? WHAT HAPPENED TO HER UNCLE DEAN? DEAN! DEAN! WHERE IS…? WHERE'S ADDY!"_

"Toby… Buddy… You need to calm down. Come on… Please? Try to take at least a couple of deep breaths for me…" Dean implored with quiet desperation.

Sam was now sitting up at attention after hearing Toby's yelling coming through Dean's phone. Dean shook his head to keep his brother from asking any questions while trying to also calm down his offspring. Dean remained silent until he heard Toby's breathing start to settle slightly.

"Hey… Tobs…?" Dean stopped sharply when he once again heard himself using one of Addy's pet names for the teen. "Toby…? Are you…? Are you home alone right now?"

If someone could see a person's voice harden, Dean would have been able to see it in high definition, 3D when Toby angrily retorted, _"No… Why?"_

Dean paused and closed his eyes to try to maintain his calm demeanor. When he had first moved in with Addy, Dean had been quick to discipline Toby by shouting at the teen and crossly instructing him how he should be doing things properly. Addy finally took him aside one day to explain that she knew that Dean had been raised with a Dad who had basically been like a drill sergeant to him and that that had worked for them but it wasn't the way to get through to their son. She explained to him that the dynamic the three Winchester men had was unique and had worked for them, but she knew that John had also taught them that there would be situations that they would have to adapt and work out of their comfort zones to resolve the conflict and that's what she thought he would have to do with Toby. She had learned the hard way that yelling and being a hard-ass just scared Toby into silent submission, so Dean was trying his best right now to evoke the calming spirit that she had taught him.

"Toby…? Could you…? Could you go and get your Mom and Dad for me?" Dean finally asked as politely as he could when all that he wanted to do was go out and find something to kill right now to work out his aggression… Preferably with his bare hands.

" _WHY?"_ Toby shouted so loudly that it brought his mother into his room. Before he could continue his angry tirade, Maureen silenced her son with a stern glare and had her hand thrust out in a silent demand for him to relinquish his phone to her.

Toby really wanted to continue yelling at Dean because at least then he would feel like he was doing something to delay having to hear any bad news, but he reluctantly placed the phone in Maureen's out-stretched palm instead.

She raised the phone to her ear sweetly announcing, _"This is Maureen Connor, may I ask with whom am I speaking?"_

"Mo?" Dean started before he corrected himself once again from speaking like Addy. "Maureen, it's Dean…"

" _Dean?"_ She questioned more out of absentminded thought than necessity before she recognized the sorrow in his voice. _"Dean? Darling, what's wrong? How can we help?"_

This time when Dean swallowed, he was sure that it was so loud that most of the State of Montana, south western Alberta and even parts of south eastern British Columbia could have heard him. "Maureen… There's… Umm… Something I need to tell you guys about…"

" _Oh…"_ She exclaimed quietly. _"Tobias, Sweetheart come over here."_ She instructed lovingly away from the cell phone's microphone. Dean heard a loud beep in his ear which he could only assume Maureen fumbling to put the phone on speaker phone for the impending conversation. _"Okay Dean, we're… we're both here. What is it that you wanted to tell us Darling?"_

Dean turned away from Sam the best that he could because he never was able to cry in front of his brother's watchful eye as he started his explanation, "I'm so sorry Maureen… Toby, you have to believe… If I knew… I would have never…"

When Dean trailed off Toby inadvertently shrieked, _"WHAT?"_

Before her son could continue, Maureen more serenely asked, _"Dean? What? What would you have prevented?"_

Dean dropped into a drab monotone as he relayed his message almost robotically, "I left her at Bobby's place while I went looking for Sam… Lay… She stayed there to help me out just in case Sam got back there, but I found him and then we went back to Bobby's, but found it had been burned down…"

" _Oh goodness…"_ Maureen quietly gasped just Toby shouted a sorrow-filled _"No!"_

"I'm… You have no idea how unbelievably sorry I am," Dean continued quietly.

" _NO! No… You… you killed her!"_

" _Tobias!"_ Maureen exclaimed in an uncharacteristically loud tone. _"Dean? Are you sure? Is…? Did…? Did we lose our Adelaide?"_

" _Of course we did!"_ Toby shouted frantically. _"She left us for him! He… You did this Dean! She would have been fine… f-f-fine… w-w-with… w-with… us!"_

Toby's sob was more than audible before he ran away and out of the phone's microphone range. Maureen and Dean remained silent, just listening to each other's stuttered breath before Maureen sympathetically offered, _"He's just upset Dean, and he didn't mean what he said. Adelaide has always been like a heroine to him, a big sister… But he has always considered her to be invincible because she's defeated some creatures, from vampires to werewolves, nasty spirits on her own…None… None of us every really… Oh goodness… Is she really…? She's not just…?"_

For some reason Maureen couldn't quite finish her questions, so Dean jumped in, "It's been weeks since anyone has heard from her… Plus I don't think that she's ever let her voicemail box fill up beyond capacity before…" Maureen made no noise and no attempts to answer him, so Dean tried using his last piece of logical ammunition to prove his point. "Has she ever not called Toby if she was able to within forty-eight hours?"

Maureen shuddered in a breath then tearfully answered, _"No, you're right… Our Adelaide always… always makes… Ahem, made sure that Tobias knew that she was alright… Anytime of day… Oh my… Dean…? Sweetheart, are you alright?"_ She paused before taking in a deep breath to center herself. _"Dean… She loved you… so much… Even when you were apart… We love you too and if you need anything, please, PLEASE remember that we are here for you."_ She heard Dean try to take in a deep breath so the concerned mother added, _"Please don't take Tobias' reaction to heart. He's so quick to jump to conclusions sometimes; I don't know where he gets that from…"_ Dean bit his lip hard, knowing that this was a trait that Toby had inherited from both of his biological parent, which would probably be one of the many traits that would confuse Bill and Maureen over the upcoming years. _"Once he has calmed down and had a moment to reflect, I'm sure that he'll apologize if…"_

"He can reach me at this number anytime," Dean offered quickly.

Maureen smiled sadly to herself then replied through her tears, _"Good… Good… I'll try talking with him later…"_ They both let more than a few tears fall before she added, _"I'm so sorry for your loss Darling… She was… She…"_

Maureen's emotions finally got the best of her and Dean barely held it together when he heard her break down completely so he quickly said, "Me too Mo… I know how close she was to all of you. If we… I'll… I mean…"

" _We'll talk to you soon,"_ Maureen concluded in a tone that Dean was more familiar with from his dealings with her.

"Okay… Yeah… And Mo? Could you thank Toby again for all of his hard work? Sam and I couldn't do this without him, so let him know we more than appreciate it."

Maureen tried to smile and stay strong, but the thought of the two Winchesters working without Addy was almost too much for her bear. _"I will Dean. Please… please you and Sam take care of each other, alright?"_

Dean held his brother in an uncomfortable stare as he replied, "We always try our best to... I can promise you that much Maureen.

==============================  
           Meanwhile back in South Dakota  
==============================

Nurse Holmes led Dr. Gaines through the Emergency Ward and back towards the Intensive Care Unit. Her grin grew wider with every step that they took away from the elevator, but he just watched her skeptically while feeling increasingly frustrated with himself. He was supposed to have disposed of the Winchester brothers after Edgar had all but gift wrapped them by sending them to the hospital in an ambulance after the minor tussle in the scrap yard, so he wasn't feeling like he deserved a present or any rewards right now.

At the hospital room door, they paused to watch the woman as machines monitored her heart rate and other vital signs while she was in a coma until the nurse quietly said, "I thought that you would enjoy her."

The creature possessing Dr. Gaines forced his face to smile softly as he replied, "I'm sure that I will. Thank you."

She stood by the door so that she could allow him to savor the moment after all of the hard work that he had already accomplished, even if this last battle didn't have the outcome they had predicted. He approached his prey almost shyly until he was finally standing by her side. As he started to lean over the unconscious patient, the doctor looked over his shoulder to give the nurse a satisfied and grateful grin.

When Dr. Gaines' human tongue darted out to take a quick taste of his prize, Nurse Holmes had to grab onto the door frame to keep her weak knees from collapsing in excited anticipation. She continued to watch her superior as he explored the scent of his next meal until she was abruptly shoved aside.

"No!" The new comer shouted. "No, you can't hurt her."

Dr. Gaines stood up straight and turned to the man to his left asking, "What? Oh… Uh it's 'Edgar' that you go by now, right? What did you just say to me?"

The stocky construction worker being possessed by a Leviathan unleashed by Castiel's misguided use of Purgatory souls to defeat Raphael stood on the opposite side of the woman's bed saying, "The boss has decreed that this woman is not to be harmed in any way."

Dr. Gaines just stared at him with a wounded look because he couldn't believe that after his tiny little taste that he would be denied the full banquet. Nurse Holmes ran to the doctor's side to offer him any support that she could, but refrained from speaking when she saw the serious look in both of the 'men's' eyes.

"He has been waiting for her to surface," Edgar explained while brushing some hair off of her face.

The other two nodded then bowed slightly as the left the room. Edgar hated being left along with the human, but he had been given a job that he was told that he would have tend to in order to ensure his continued existence and she was it, so here he stood.

After Edgar waited impatiently for what felt like a millennium, her eyes fluttered opened. Edgar ran over to her side, took one of her hands and lovingly stated, "Sweetheart, you're awake! I've have been waiting so long for you."


	24. Are You Still The Same?

As he walked into the kitchen, Edgar took in a deep breath while genuinely praising, "That smells amazing Lonnie."

She looked over her shoulder and smiled brightly as she replied, "Thanks. Julia from next door gave me a recipe for ribs… She said that you would enjoy them."

"Mmm… I think I will," he commented as he crowded behind her to look over her shoulder at the dish.

Lonnie continued basting the ribs in the glass dish then tried to bend over to replace it in the oven, but she found herself trapped between her companion and the oven door. She then gently bumped Edgar with her hip and he took a small step back while maintaining a large grin on his face.

After the food was back in the oven, she turned then playfully pushed against his stomach saying, "They won't be ready for a little bit yet, so shoe… Out with you… Go… I'll call you when they are done."

She continued to gently poke him, so Edgar caught one of her hands and laced their fingers together. She swallowed nervously as he held her in an almost uncomfortable stare. It had been a couple of weeks since she had been discharged from the hospital and returned home with her husband, but she still felt uneasy because she had no memories of him or their life together. He continued to be patient with her even though she was feeling beyond frustrated that she still didn't really know who she was or anything about their lives together beyond what he had told her. But with all of those conflicting feelings, she remained eager to start making new memories with him as soon as possible.

Lonnie took a step forward and pecked his lips quickly before saying, "It shouldn't be too much longer… There's lots of cold beer in the fridge, why don't you just go and relax in front of the TV while you wait?"

Edgar nodded then left the room without saying another word. Lonnie went back to preparing dinner and as she worked, he watched her from the doorway with a faint smile spreading across his face. When he was originally given this detail, he had been inclined to go against his orders and just dispose of the woman, but now he was seeing the logic behind their boss' reasoning. She seemed to have started to form an emotional bond with him and he hoped that that loyalty was going to be as useful as they hoped it would be in the not too distant future.

Since returning home, they had tried to establish a new routine, so after they finished their dinner, they both retired to the living room to watch TV. Most nights, Lonnie retired to their bed first and would wake up alone after Edgar had already left for work. She spent most of her days doing odd jobs around the house or working in the yard and even spent some time with her neighbors, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't quite belong here. Whenever that feeling crept up into the back of her mind, she just reminded herself of what Edgar had told her when he first brought her home; This wasn't their home before the accident that caused her amnesia, so she was most likely just feeling the usual pains anyone would encounter during a transition such as this and that she just had to give herself some time.

He was watching the screen with a hard scowl on his face, so Lonnie hesitated before she attempted to broach the topic that she had wanted to introduce to him for a couple of day. Edgar caught her fidgeting out of the corner of his eye and without taking his eyes off the TV he asked, "Lonnie? Is there something on your mind?"

She blushed with embarrassment then muted the volume of the show that was on before she replied, "Yeah there was something… But now I'm just thinking that it's actually kind of dumb, so… You know what, never mind… It's nothing for you to worry about."

"No, Lonnie, if you thought that it was something that we should talk about, then please don't hold back." He took one of her hands in his then tried to sound as genuinely concerned as he could as he added, "I just want you to be happy. Please let me know what I can do to help you."

"Okay… Well…" She stared slowly as she nervously picked at a thread on her sleeve. "Not that I'm complaining… Because you've been so great about my issues with my memories and all… But… I was cleaning up our room and I went through my closet and… Well…"

When she hesitated and didn't complete her thought, he took a deep breath to calm himself then calmly asked, "And…?"

"And… Well… None of my clothes seem to fit me anymore." She looked up through the fringe of her bangs to gauge his reaction and when he didn't look annoyed or angry, she relaxed then more easily added, "I know you said that we moved here after all of that other drama, so I… I'm guessing that with the stress of the move and our loss… Well… I must have lost a lot of weight… I don't know… But either way…"

"So you want to go shopping for new clothes…?" He inquired over her rambling in the hopes that he could get her back on track.

She nodded with an uneasy smile so he chuckled saying, "That's fine. Your car is in the garage and its tank should still be full…" She still looked anxious about this idea so he kindly added, "Sweetheart, you don't have to ask my permission, our home isn't a jail cell. If you want to go out and explore, then by all means, please do. In fact, it would probably do you a lot of good to move past just chatting with the same neighbors all of the time."

"Oh… Okay… I… I don't know why I… Okay… Yeah… I'm sorry," she answered with a hot, red blush coloring her cheeks and neck.

Edgar then got up without speaking to exit the room, so Lonnie jumped to her feet and chased after him. She nearly started apologizing again, but opted to hold her tongue while she just watched him move through the house stealthily. As he entered their room, she slowed her pace and felt a ball of regret growing in the pit of her stomach and wished that she hadn't brought any of this up at all. She was married and from what she could tell he enjoyed her company, so she didn't really seem to need a wardrobe that would impress anyone else, what she had could be enough if she got creative with it.

"It's fine Edgar," she tried to apologize as she entered the room. "I really didn't mean to cause a fuss… Can we just forget about it?"

Edgar turned to face her saying, "It really isn't a problem. I just thought that you might need some money so that you could buy your new clothes."

He presented her with a stack of bills that he had pulled out of their safe and then thrust it into her hand. Lonnie reluctantly claimed it from him, took a quick look at the bills and when she noticed that they were mostly one hundred and fifty dollar bills in the pile, she stared up at him in a stunned silence. He was beyond perplexed by her reaction and thought that she wasn't pleased, so he reopened their safe to retrieve more cash for her.

As Edgar turned away, Lonnie lunged forward to hug his back saying, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

He placed a hand over hers and replied with a soft chuckle, "I take that that will be sufficient funds for your purchases."

Lonnie turned him by his shoulders then held his face for a second before she kissed him almost uncomfortably hard due to her excitement. "It should be more than enough. But while I'm out…? Do…? Do you need anything at all?"

Edgar reached out and pet her face with a strange smile on his face as he replied, "I have everything I need right here… For now."

Lonnie felt like the blood in her veins had run ice cold the instant his flesh contacted her own, but she tried to give him an easy smile despite that sensation. Edgar patted her cheek gently then left her standing in the middle of room alone with her thoughts. She stared at the money in her hand and shivered slightly in the spot where she stood. She felt vaguely guilty that all of this seemed so foreign because her partner seemed to move through their house and their life together without missing a beat. She shook her head then folded the cashed and slipped it into the purse she had found in the closet that seemed to be a style that she remembered liking that she was going to use while shopping the next day.

Lonnie wasn't sure if it was supposed to be this easy, but she was able to find practically a full wardrobe within just a couple of hours. The clerk, Tess, at the Department Store had been more than complimentary and helpful once Lonnie had explained her predicament and discreetly flashed her purse full of cash.

The clerk was taking stock of all of Lonnie's potential purchases as she smiled to herself and asked her client, "It looks like we found a good assortment of casual and business attire… Was there anything else that you were hoping to go home with today?"

"Umm… Well… I do need some workout clothes, I think," the shopper commented more to herself than the woman that had posed the question. Lonnie's eyes moved away from the stack of clothes that they had accumulated to the personal shopper's face. She immediately caught the mildly disapproving look forming on the clerk's face so she swallowed and slowly answered, "Well… There is one other garment that I was hoping to find today… I haven't really been able to get it off my mind lately."

Lonnie's eyes then focused on another part of the store, so Tess tried her best to follow her client's gaze to try to better understand what her next desired purchase could be. She wasn't certain which part of the store Lonnie's eyes were zeroed in on, but she wasn't sure if she should say so or not because that would show a weakness that might prove costly to her. What she hadn't banked on was that Lonnie could read her reaction perfectly and almost read the clerk's mind to a tee, so Lonnie started moving towards the formal wear department with the full knowledge that Tess would follow her obediently without her having to say a word.

"Umm… Ms. Beale…? Where…? What…?"

Lonnie stopped mid-step and held up her left hand with a quirked eyebrow to correct the woman saying, "Actually… It's Mrs. Beale… And I'll be needing a red velvet gown with a halter style neckline in order to impress my husband… Do you think that you might be able to help me with that?"

Hearing the renewed confidence in the shopper's voice threw the stork clerk off a little bit, but she recovered quickly and replied with an insincere smile, "Of course I would be more than happy to assist you with that… I assume that you would require a floor length gown?"

With a sly smile on her face, Lonnie shrugged then said, "That would be my preference, but let's keep an open mind… I might like one of each length that you have."

After all of her purchases were bought and paid for, Lonnie ventured back out into the main mall area with a satisfied smile on her face. She wasn't sure when it happened exactly or why, but for the first time since she woke up in the hospital, she was feeling like herself, like she was being herself and not sounding like she was trying to be the woman she was before her terrible concussion. She still had some money burning a hole in her pocket, so she decided to start window shopping in the hopes that she could find something for Edgar as a way to thank him. He had been the one to push her to head to the mall for some 'retail therapy' and she really did want to show him her appreciation for his encouragement and his on-going patience.

For some reason Lonnie got hung up at the window of a sport's store with a baseball themed window display. She stared at the jersey hanging off the mannequin's body trying her best to remember if she and her husband had ever had a conversation about this sport at all. They had spent the last few weeks watching TV together, but at this moment she couldn't recall any one show or program that they watched purposefully because either of them had requested it. Had they been watching a few games of baseball but Lonnie hadn't been paying close enough attention to know that's what it was?

She started feeling awkward just standing there staring and decided that this wasn't the place to buy his present since she couldn't figure out why any of the items in front of her should hold any sort of significance to her or him. She turned to walk away, but turned to give the display one more lingering look. She took another step into the walkway, but stopped when she felt a strong hand grip her forearm.

"Addy? I was calling you… Didn't you hear me?" The young teen questioned almost shyly. "Were…? Were you ignoring me?"

She saw a glisten of tears forming in his eyes and felt her heart break ever so slightly so she tried her best to use the kindest tone that she could as she pried his fingers from her arm. "I'm sorry Hun, but you must have me mistaken for someone else." She paused then caressed his cheek adding, "I don't think anyone in their right mind could ignore a handsome devil like you." She gently squeezed his hand with her final offering, "I hope you find 'Addy' soon Sweetie."

He continued to stare at her, dumfounded and frozen in his place even after she had continued on her way, so Lonnie walked back over to him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder as she worriedly asked, "Hey… Sweetie…? Are you okay?" She looked around them, but didn't see anyone that appeared to be searching him out, so she dropped her bags and took both of his hands in hers asking, "Is your Mom or Dad here with you? Who…? Who are you here with Honey?"

The teen shook his head slowly but just bit his lip as his reply. Lonnie gently wiped a tear that had escaped down his cheek, but she before she could say anything else, he turned away when he heard a voice from the sport's store call out, "Toby? Dude! What gives? Dad got them to find that hat you were looking for! Come on man!"

Toby didn't move or acknowledge his friend, so Lonnie shook his right hand firmly saying, "Toby, it was an absolute pleasure to meet you. I have to say that you sure do know how to stroke a girl's ego, but I think your friend is getting a little antsy… You should go meet up with him."

She turned him around by his shoulders then picked up her bags while she watched him finally join his friend. After they disappeared back into the store, Lonnie finally continued on her way fondly thinking to herself, _Cute kid._

When she returned home, Lonnie got changed into one of her new casual outfits then got to work preparing dinner for her husband and herself. Every so often her thoughts would wonder to the teenager that she had briefly met at the mall and she almost felt like she could break down into tears because of the sad look that he had had in his eyes the instant that he saw her face. She was sure that at some point in her life that she must have missed someone as much as he missed 'Addy', but right now she was happy to be reacquainting herself in this life with her adoring husband, so she tried to keep her focus on doing just that.

She almost brought up the incident with Edgar, but when he got home he was in an uncharacteristically bad mood, so she kept her story to herself for now. Edgar promptly disappeared after their dinner without so much as a single word about where he was going, leaving Lonnie feeling even more perplexed and alone than she had earlier in the day. Lonnie stayed up later than she usually would that night waiting for him to return home. She even tried his cell phone a couple of times before she succumbed to her fatigue and fell asleep on the couch in front of the TV.

" _ **Mum! Mum? Are you home?" Toby yelled from the now closed front door.**_

_**She had left the door unlocked, so he should have known that meant that she was there, but his mother still yelled back, "In the kitchen Tobs!"** _

_**She heard the loud THUD of him dropping his backpack on the living room floor and she cringed slightly at the thought of the damage that he was most likely doing to the hardwood floor right now. But she never once thought of admonishing him because he knew that he was only being careless because he was so excited about Christmas break that was coming up and spending more time with his parents. Since there was absolutely no malice behind his actions, she just let his behavior slide under the radar as she laughed softly to herself and continued her work in the kitchen.** _

" _ **Mum!" He exclaimed before she turned around to face him with a bright smile on both of their faces. "Whoa! You're huge!"**_

_**She wanted to get mad at him for that comment, but the look on his face made her laugh despite herself as she tried her best to chastise him saying, "Toby! That really isn't the best way to greet a pregnant woman… especially if you want to live to see your next meal."** _

_**Toby's hand immediately went to the sides of his mother's protruding stomach as he pouted slightly and apologized, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean it like that Mum… It's just that she's gotten so big so fast." He looked into her eyes then smiled sheepishly and added, "You're still really pretty Mum, I swear."** _

_**She leaned in and kissed his cheek then hoarsely replied, "Thanks Buddy…"** _

_**Even though she wanted to continue, she was rendered speechless by the sensation of the baby kicking. Toby jumped slightly but maintained his tight grip on her midsection somehow. She held one of his cheeks and chuckled before saying, "That's just his way of saying 'hi' to his big brother. Don't be scared Tobs."** _

_**Toby nodded then leaned down and put his cheek on her stomach whispering, "Hey you… I'm totally with Dad… Can't wait to meet you little sis."** _

_**After he was standing up straight again, his mother glared at him playfully and cocked her head to one side as she asked, "What did you say to your little brother Toby?" He just shrugged so she tried again with a simple, "Buddy?"** _

_**He opened his mouth to speak when they both heard the sound of gravel crunching under the weight of his Dad's truck's tires. Toby looked around his Mum then nearly shouted, "Dad? Dad's home already?"** _

_**She looked over his shoulder to check what time the oven clock was displaying then replied, "Oh yeah, that looks about right… He said that he was going to try to cut out of work early today because… Umm…"** _

" _ **Mum?" He asked worriedly as he squeezed her stomach to regain her attention.**_

_**She bit her lip then quietly explained, "Well… I'm trying out a couple of Mo's recipes before helping her with Christmas dinner this year… So he kind of thought that… Umm he could taste test with you to make sure…"** _

" _ **So that IS stuffing I smell! Awesome! I'm sure it'll be great Mum!" He exclaimed before running towards the backdoor.**_

" _ **Toby!" She shouted and froze him in his place.**_

_**He then turned and flashed her the same disarming smile his father had been using on her since before Toby had been a twinkle in either of their eyes then he innocently replied, "I promise… I'll stay on the stairs until Dad turns the engine off."** _

" _ **Alright," she conceded knowing full well that she would cave and agree to just about anything when her son used that look on her. "Be sure to tell him that dinner's almost ready, okay?"**_

When Lonnie woke up, she absentmindedly stroked her stomach while thinking about the dream she had had during the night. She tried to keep her thoughts from straying back to the images that she was confident that her subconscious mind had conjured up, but while she was loading the dishwasher, she started having vivid flashbacks of her dream invading her every thought.

"Were we going to have a boy?" She asked out loud before realizing that it was stumbling out of her mouth.

Edgar looked over his newspaper when he thought that he heard Lonnie say something, but she still had her back turned to him. She just continued doing her chores, so he couldn't be certain if she had actually spoken or not.

"I'm sorry Sweetheart, did you say something?" He asked politely as he folded the newspaper in half and placed it on the table.

Lonnie stood up and turned to face him, feeling very shy as she replied, "Sorry… It's nothing really. Please, just forget that I said anything, okay?"

"Don't do that," he countered encouragingly even though the tone of her voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard to him right now. "The doctor said that you might get flashes of memories and that the best thing to do is to talk about them to make sure that they are actual memories and not a figment of your imagination. So please…? Please ask me again."

"Okay," she replied as she took a seat beside him at the table. "Were…? I mean… I know that you said that I begged you to move here after I… We lost our baby… Umm… Were we by any chance…? Umm… Going to have a boy? And… Uhh… Were we going to…? Had we decided on the name 'Toby' for him?"

Edgar's eyes lit up and he took both of her hands in his answering, "Actually yes… Yes we were and we did… You used to dream about what it would be like once he was older and you were pregnant with his little brother or sister because you were so excited about starting our family… Why do ask Pet?"

She swallowed hard then looked at his hands that had easily engulfed her own. She felt very small compared to him and even though he appeared to have given her the confirmation she had desired, she still felt ill at ease. As soon as he touched her hands, she shivered unconsciously then felt like she should get as far away from her husband as soon as humanly possible, despite the open, comforting look he seemed to have in his eyes right now.

"Oh well… I sort of had that dream last night," she confessed aloud. What she didn't tell the man sitting beside her was that it actually felt like more than just a dream to her, it was like she had lived that day for real, but she kept that information to herself… At least for now.

"That's wonderful," he praised petting her face adoringly. "You're starting to think more like yourself… More like the old you." _Or more like the 'you' that I'm going to be sure to mold you into,_ he thought sinisterly to himself.

"Yeah… I guess that I am," she replied, resisting the urge to flinch out of his grasp and run to a hot, scolding shower.

Edgar leaned over and kissed her head then stood up before saying, "Just remember that you shouldn't try to force it… Just let the memories come to you at their own pace… Now, I might be home later than usual… This project we're working on appears to be more complicated than we had originally anticipated, so don't wait up for me alright? You still need to make sure that you get proper rest."

She nodded then they stared at each other in an awkward silence while she tried to search his eyes for something that would help spark a memory. Lonnie then figured that he was waiting for her to make the next move, so she stood up and quickly pecked him on the cheek then said, "That's alright. I'm sorry to hear about the project, I wish I could make it easier for you. Have a good day…" She paused to swallow her discomfort. "Sweetheart."

After Edgar left for the day, Lonnie tried to get back into her regular routine that she had become comfortable following over the past weeks. She was sorting her first load of laundry when she saw a cardboard box she had never taken notice of before in a corner of this room. She kept her eyes focused on it as if it would disappear if she wasn't watching it while she finished loading the washing machine then she abandoned the thought of doing anything else and sat down on the floor to investigate its contents.

She had thought that the box would be full and heavy, but after a short struggle with the tape that had been used to seal it shut, she found that the box was practically empty. Well empty compared to the all of the other boxes she had already unpacked while she set up the house. All that she discovered inside was a pair of ripped and muddied jeans, a plaid blouse with a large tear in the sleeve, a switchblade knife and a purple Blackberry cell phone. The clothing appeared to be her size, which confused her beyond belief because the wardrobe in their house had been at least two sizes too large, so why would this outfit actually be her size? Thinking nothing of it, she carefully folded the shirt and pants and placed them back in the box before she liberated the cell phone to find out what it could tell her.

She figured that there was little to no chance that there would be enough juice left in the battery to power it up, but she still held down the power button to try none the less. To her surprise, the screen lit up and the phone slowly came to life in her hand. Beside the clock there was the small icon that told her there was at least one voicemail waiting for whoever owned the phone, but the symbol that was used to indicate how many missed calls the phone had received only displayed a tiny 'plus' sign beside it. Lonnie quickly scrolled through the missed call log and saw the same two names appeared to dominate the list.

"Jeter…? Derek Jeter…? Where have I seen that name before?" She asked the room while closing her eyes to force her brain to focus. She mentally retraced her steps over the past few days then suddenly she was back at the sport's store at the mall. In the window display she could see that there was a poster of an action shot of a batter in a pinstriped uniform with the name 'Derek Jeter' under his feet.

"Wow… Shit… Okay… Who else do you know little phone?"

The other name that dominated the call log was 'Darren Hayes' and even though she tried and tried, that name seemed to mean absolutely nothing to her. Intermittently spattered between Derek's and Darren's calls, it appeared that 'Daniel Jones' and 'Kenny Rogers' had tried to get a hold of the phone owner as well. She couldn't have held back the laugh that escaped her lips if she had tried when she heard "The Gambler" in the back of her mind because for some reason she actually knew who Kenny Rogers was and she couldn't believe that she had the numbers of two such famous people in the palm of her hand right now.

As she scrolled through the names again and again without finding anything new or probing, then the phone beeped at her and flashed the phrase 'LOW BATTERY', so she swiftly turned it off to conserve whatever power the battery might have left in it. She found a piece of paper and wrote the two mystery names down on it because she was afraid that she might forget them and then she replace everything in as close to the exact same place she had found them as she could with her hands shaking with excitement and adrenaline. Once she was satisfied that Edgar wouldn't know that she had found what was inside the unlabeled box, Lonnie sprinted to their home office to see if she could find something on-line that might possibly be of any help.

Since Mr. Hayes had been just as persistent as Mr. Jeter to get through on the phone, Lonnie typed his name into the search engine then hit 'ENTER'. The next page displayed a link to his official website, and then there was a row of photos followed by a variety of different sites where he appeared to be the primary focus and subject.

"Fuck! He's hot," she whispered to herself as she clicked on the Wikipedia link for his name.

She scanned his biography quickly and she just became more confused the further along she read. He was a singer from Australia, so how could he be related to a baseball player in the US? Still letting her curiosity guide her actions, she scrolled down the page and on the first line of paragraph chronicling his music career she swathe blue highlighted name of 'Daniel Jones'.

"What? Okay… Alright… What?" She asked the screen as she tried to piece it all together and make some sort of sense out of what she was uncovering.

So Darren, Daniel and Kenny were in the music industry and they all knew this person that owned the phone. As she stared at the computer screen she came up with the theory that maybe the phone belonged to a talent agent of some sort. That could explain why they knew so many famous people, right? She snickered at the thought and felt that that conclusion might be way off base, but at this point in time she couldn't come up with anything else so she let herself get lost in the pages and videos of the people that she had been researching.

===============================================================================

Sam was trying his best to demonstrate to Osiris that Dean couldn't be held responsible for so many of the deaths in their lives and that he wasn't guilty, but he wasn't sure if he was succeeding in doing the same for his brother right now.

Sam stood in front of Dean with his arms crossed over his chest as he asked his older brother, "Then is your heart heavy with guilt or is it just plain heavy and none of this guy's business?"

"Uhh… What you said," Dean answered looking between Sam in front of him and the god to his right. "The second thing."

The two Winchesters looked over at Osiris as Sam concluded confidently, "Then I rest my case."

The god sounded thoroughly amused as he answered, "Very good… Both of you, but alas we must return to our regularly scheduled programming. Now for my third witness…" Osiris paused for dramatic effect while he gleefully watched all of the color drain from Dean's face. "I will now call… Ms. Adelaide Victoria Jones."

She appeared in front of Osiris' post with a genuinely terrified look on her face. Her eyes darted between the three men as she took a couple of steps back quietly pleading, "Please… Please don't hurt me… I… I won't tell anyone who you are… Please… Please just let me go…"

Osiris frowned unhappily at her reaction then his face quickly lit up with recognition of how he could remedy this predicament. With a snap of his fingers he announced cheerfully, "That should fix that… Now would the real Adelaide Jones please stand up?"

Addy blinked a few times then she focused her attention onto the man currently seated on the witness stand. "Dean…? Dean…! OH MY GOD! I've missed you so much!" She looked around the room and tried to take a step forward but she seemed to be glued to her place creating a new sense of panic within her as she asked all three of them, "What…?" Then her eyes locked with her soul mate's again as she tearfully pleaded, "Dean…? What's going on? Why…? Why am I here?"

Dean swallowed hard as he willed away any tears that tried to spring forward at the sight of Addy being in the same room and then he glared at the god and growled out in an unwavering tone, "Don't you dare… Not her… Don't do this with her…"

Addy tried again to move but figured that she might not be allowed to unless the bald guy Dean was addressing allowed her to, but she couldn't and wouldn't dare try to stop the tears that were spilling over and down her cheeks as she hoarsely pleaded, "Dean…? Please answer me…? Please? Why are we here? What…? What is he doing to you? Please Dean?"

Osiris looked between Addy and Dean with a satisfied smirk spreading across his face then he simply snapped his fingers again and after Addy disappeared he replied jovially, "Alright… Because I really enjoyed that, I'm gonna be generous and ask… Dean, do you want me to call my last witness?" He watched Dean's reactions to the images he allowed him to see with a sly smile then knowingly added, "Or have we had enough?"

Sam looked completely perplexed then finally spoke up asking his brother, "What the hell's he talking about?"

"Enough Ally McBealing," Dean answered in Osiris' direction. "Just drop the hammer, will ya?"

"Wait! Dean! He's giving us more time!" Sam tried reasoning with his brother even though he knew in his heart that it was a lost cause.

Dean turned back to his brother then yelled back to silence him, "It's not gonna make a difference Sam!"

The god beside them silenced both of them by asking in a very condescending tone, "You need another moment? You done?" Once he was satisfied that both of the Winchesters were listening, he purposefully banged his staff three times on the floor and announced, "The court's reached a verdict. I find you, Dean Winchester, guilty in your heart… and sentence you to die." He leaned in close towards Dean then added, "I'd suggest you get your affairs in order quickly."

===============================================================================

After Sam had left their hotel room to find something that would derail Osiris' plan, Dean stood in the circle of salt he had just laid down the he called out softly, "You can come out now."

When Jo stepped out alone into the line, Dean craned his neck to try to look around her because he had been confident that she wouldn't be doing this solo. Jo followed Dean's gaze behind her then she turned back to him, mirroring his confused look, then she just shrugged in reply to his unspoken question.

_**Dean came into the kitchen still drying his hair, so he wasn't actually paying too close of attention to what Addy was doing. As he tossed the soiled towel into the laundry room, he inhaled deeply and smiled satisfactorily to himself. He had been instructed to get cleaned up as soon as he got home from work and to wear a proper shirt for dinner, but he hadn't expected to see Addy in a dress or for there to be candles lit on the kitchen table to accompany the intoxicating aroma that filled the room.** _

" _ **Wow… Uh Lay…?" He started sounding completely awestruck. "What's the occasion?"**_

 _**She finished pouring a bottle of beer into a chilled glass for Dean then handed it to him replying, "Happy July 10** _ _**th** _ _**?" Dean took the glass with a questioning frown clouding his face while she returned to preparing their meal sounding slightly wounded as she said, "Does it really HAVE to be a holiday for me to make you a nice dinner?"** _

_**After placing his glass on the table, Dean walked up behind Addy, wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek saying, "No… It doesn't… What I should have said was 'it smells wonderful. Thank you.'… I'm sorry… Better?"** _

" _ **Much," she agreed with a soft laugh. "Now you, go, sit and I'll bring it over to you."**_

_**Dean squeezed her waist again but made no move to sit at the table. Addy had hoped to surprise him with the meal that she was making, so she turned around in his arms and slipped her hands into his back pockets as she tried to reason with him. He leaned down to kiss her, but she dodged it so he kissed her cheek instead.** _

" _ **Dean, come on… Dinner's going to get cold if we don't eat soon," she explained trying not to sound like she was whining.**_

" _ **But Lay…" he countered as he nibbled at her neck.**_

_**She bit back a sigh and felt him smile against her flesh. "Dean… The fries are just getting colder and grosser by the second."** _

" _ **Fries?" He asked into her neck. "You didn't say anything about fries."**_

_**She chuckled then used the distraction of talking about food and nudged Dean towards the table. Once he was beside his seat, she kissed his lips then replied, "Well what else would we have with our burgers?"** _

_**Before he could answer, she turned then scooped up their plates, carried them over to the table and placed one in from of him. Dean stared at the plate and Addy couldn't help but laugh softly at his reaction. True burger, fries and beer didn't normally warrant the full candle light dinner treatment, but she was trying to heed Maureen's advice by not trying to force either of them into living a stereotypical normal domestic life too quickly. To try to help make their transition as easy as possible, Maureen had told her that there was nothing wrong with taking things that they had enjoyed as hunters and fitting them into their lives now, so tonight she was experimenting.** _

_**He picked up a fry, but instead of eating it, Dean held it up to inspect it. Addy watched him then pulled her chair closer to his, snatched the fry out his grasp and popped it into her mouth. Dean glared at her with a smirk on his face, but made no move for any retribution.** _

_**She then picked up another homemade fry from her plate, dipped it in some ketchup then held it up to Dean's lips. As he opened his mouth to eat it, she leaned in close, placed one of his hands on her thigh just past the hem of her dress then whispered into his ear, "If you think dinner looks good, wait until you see what's for dessert."** _

"Lonnie? Lonnie?" Edgar called out just before he gently shook one of her shoulders.

She felt like a fog was slowly lifting as she turned to face Edgar. He forced himself to smile then with an equally forced calm tone he asked her again, "Pet? Did you hear me?"

This time his words seemed to finally register because she sat up straight at attention before she answered, "I'm sorry… No… Sorry I didn't… I must have zoned out there for a minute… Sorry… What was it that you were saying?"

He laughed softly at her embarrassment then very slowly asked again as he stroked her face with the knuckles of the back of his hand, "I was requesting that you change the channel to the news Pet. Preferably the national news of some sort."

"Oh… Yeah… Of course," she hurriedly replied as she nearly dropped the remote in her haste to swipe it off the coffee table. "Would…? Is…? Is this okay?"

Edgar's smile widened once she had the channel changed because the first thing he saw was the headline "BROTHERS ON KILLING SPREE STILL AT LARGE". The anchor appeared to be speaking with a panel of experts that were giving their advice and insights into why these two had fallen into a life of crime and how they continued to elude being caught by the authorities. Edgar relocated from his recliner to the couch and he wrapped a comforting arm around Lonnie's shoulders when he saw how visibly upset she appeared to be by the images on the screen.

She still remained seated rigidly straight as short snippets of news stories about each crime the duo had committed flashed across the screen. Once her body relaxed slightly into his side, he quietly explained, "Some of the guys at work had been discussing these two, so I was a little curious… But if it bothers you, we can watch something else; I don't have to watch this."

Lonnie shook her head as she rested it on his chest then replied, "No… No… This is… Interesting. I… I don't mind."

He gently raked his fingers through her hair as they both stared at the TV listening to the anchor's commentary, "THE DUO'S KILLING SPREE STARTED JUST OVER TWO WEEKS AGO IN JERICHO, CALIFORNIA BEFORE THEY CONTINUED, ZIG ZAGGING ACROSS THE COUNTRY. ALL OF THE EXPERTS AGREE THAT THE WINCHESTER BROTHERS ARE A NEW BREED OF SERIAL KILLER AND ARE UNLIKE ANY OTHER OUR NATION HAS ENCOUNTERED IN THE PAST." A map with a red line tracing through various States appeared as she continued to narrate, "THERE HASN'T BEEN A DISCERNIBLE PATTERN THAT ANY OF THE EXPERTS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DECIPHER, BUT NO MATTER WHERE THE TWO FIND THEMSELVES THEY LEAVE NOTHING BUT DEATH AND CARNAGE IN THEIR WAKE. AT THIS TIME VERY LITTLE IS ACTUALLY KNOWN ABOUT THE DEADLY DUO AND WE ARE WORKING HARD TO UNCOVER ANY INFORMATION ABOUT THEIR PAST TO TRY TO UNEARTH ANY INSIGHTS INTO WHY THEY HAVE BEEN TERRORIZING SO MANY SMALL TOWNS THROUGH OUT OUR NATION." A still frame photo of Sam and Dean's faces replaced the map on the screen as the anchor concluded, "IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION REGARDING THE WHEREABOUTS OF SAM AND DEAN WINCHESTER, YOU ARE ASKED TO CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICE OR CRIME STOPPERS. AUTHORITIES WARN THAT THE BROTHERS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, SO IF YOU DO SEE THEM, YOU SHOULD NOT APPROACH THEM AND ARE ASKED TO CALL 9-1-1 IMMEDIATELY. WE WILL HAVE MORE AFTER THIS."

As soon as the faces of the two killers were displayed on the screen, Lonnie's whole body tensed up and she gripped her husband's shirt tightly. She fought the urge to cry while he massaged her shoulder asking, "Are you okay Darling? My offer still stands…"

"No," she interrupted tearfully. "No, it's okay. It's just… All those people… Their families… They were just living their lives and now they're gone." She sat up to look him in the eye and let her tears fall as she said, "It… it could happen to anyone… Even you… I just…" She didn't finish her though and instead leaned in to kiss his lips before quietly admitting, "I don't know what I would do without you."

As she cuddled back into his side, she stared at the screen then thought to herself, _You must have seen his face somewhere and now your brain has him confused with someone else. You don't know him so you can't care about him… Don't care about him._ She hugged Edgar's torso even tighter as if to remind herself that what she was saying was true. _You love Edgar… Not… Not that guy… Dean Whoever… He's just a ghost of a memory of someone else._

"WE HAVE SOME BREAKING NEWS OUT OF NAZARETH, PENNSYLVANIA. AUTHORITIES HAVE RELEASED SOME FOOTAGE OF THE WINCHESTER BROTHERS. WE MUST WARN YOU THAT THE IMAGES ARE QUITE GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING. THEY MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN AND SOME ADULTS. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED."

The taller of the two brothers, Sam, stood in front of the lens of a camera and adjusted the level instructing, "KEEP IT RIGHT THERE. I WANT YOU TO CATCH MINE AND MY BROTHER'S GOOD SIDES. CAN YOU DO THAT?" The camera moved up and down as a shaky voice replied, "YES… YES SIR I CAN DO THAT." He smiled brightly then moved so that the camera could capture his brother who was focused intently on reloading his gun.

After one final loud click, Dean looked over his shoulder then flashed a handsome smile saying, "AWW SAM I AIN'T GOT NOTHING BUT GOOD SIDES." He then extended his arm out in front of him, turned away from the camera again and started opening fire.

Lonnie hid her face in Edgar's chest crying out, "Oh my God! That's… that's so horrible!"

"VERY DISTURBING INDEED," a male anchor commented to his female counterpart once the video footage ended. "NOW WE HAVE MISTER WALLACE HOLLEY, ONE OF THE NATION'S TOP PROFILERS FOR THE FBI JOINING US TO DISCUSS…"

"Turn it off please? Just turn it off," Lonnie begged into Edgar's chest. "Please? It's just too much. Please Edgar, turn it off. Make it go away."

"Shh… Shh… It's okay Pet," Edgar replied soothingly as he changed the channel. "I'm right here… It's gone… Shh… It's gone."

Edgar found a movie on TV that seemed to make Lonnie happy because he felt her finally start to relax. During the show, his lap turned into her makeshift pillow. He absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair wondering how much longer he was going to have to keep up this charade. Much to his dismay, this job hadn't been as difficult or boring as he had thought it was going to be and her company wasn't completely unpleasant, but he was ready for his next challenge. She appeared to have formed the emotional bond with him that his boss had hope for, so now he just wanted to put that to use sooner than later.

By the end of the movie, Lonnie had rolled over onto her other side in a deep sleep. Edgar watched the end credits roll before he tried to rouse her, but he found that every time he moved her, she just curled into a tighter ball and buried her face into his side. Once a new movie started, he realized that she wasn't going to wake up, so Edgar carefully picked her up and carried her to bed.

Lonnie maintained her grip around his neck even after Edgar had tried to pull the covers up over her body. He remained bent over her just staring at her for a moment while he wondered what it must be like to be a human. He could become anyone or anything that he wanted to be, but they were stuck in their one body and it appeared that their happiness was completely reliant on their relationships with others. It completely baffled him that their Father had chosen their kind over his own to rule this planet.

_**She retreated back a couple of steps with a terrified look on her face. The demon's grin spread even further across his face as he stalked even closer to her slowly. He paused to watch her for a moment then chuckled when her back hit a wall and she jumped slightly.** _

" _ **Looks like you're stuck between a wall and a demon now Addy," he announced with a glee-filled tone.**_

_**He moved to take a step forward but found that he couldn't move towards her. The look on her face quickly transformed from pure terror to a teasing smile as she side stepped around something on the floor to her relative freedom.** _

" _ **And it would appear that you just stepped onto a Devil's Trap," she retorted with a mocking smirk. "So maybe my hard place wasn't so bad."**_

_**He clapped slowly then praised, "Well played Adelaide. So… Why have you brought me here then?" He crossed his arms then narrowed his eyes as he looked her up and down saying, "What is it that you want to trade your soul for? Hmm…?"** _

_**She felt like his gaze was burning a hole through her soul and she couldn't resist turning away. "You want him do you? Well this has gotten a lot more interesting."** _

" _ **Just tell me how to get him out of his deal," she replied as confidently as she could. "That's all I need to know."**_

_**He laughed loudly then asked, "And why would I want to do that? Do you really think that your soul is worth THAT much?"** _

" _ **Well there's this," she quipped before she squared her shoulders and took in a deep breath. With her eyes closed she recited, "Omnis legio… Omnis congretio et secta…"**_

_**Addy kept her eyes closed as she spoke, so she didn't see the demon approaching her. He moved soundlessly then grabbed Addy roughly by the lapels of her jacket. Her words got lost in her throat as she gasped and her eyes flew open. He slammed her up against the wall and completely knocked the wind out of her lungs, but she still somehow managed to let out a pained noise when she felt her leg being impaled on a hook that was dangling from the wall.** _

_**The demon laughed while she tried to take in a few shallow breaths. "I've considered your proposal Addy… But I'm going to have to decline your offer." She was whimpering softly as he leaned in and whispered with a sneer, "You should have checked your trap a lot more closely… the paint wasn't quite dry yet… And don't worry Gorgeous… we'll have him right where we want him real soon."** _

_**After his declaration, the demon disappeared and Addy crumpled into a ball on the floor as she started to cry hysterically. Once her sobs had subsided, she tried to stand up but the hook had snapped off the wall and was now embedded in her leg, rendering it almost completely useless. She had to crawl to her car then she found some towels to sit on to keep the damage to her interior to a minimum and then she sped off as quickly as her GTO could take her.** _

" _ **Addy?" Bobby questioned quietly to himself when he saw he familiar looking muscle car coming down his driveway. He waited for her on the porch, but after her car was parked, she didn't get out to join him, so he ran to her door to check on her.**_

_**The motor was still running when Bobby opened the door and he found Addy nearly unconscious and slumped over the steering wheel. He turned the key to cut the engine then quickly checked her upper body for any apparent injuries before shaking her gently to try to wake her.** _

" _ **Addy…? Addy? Are you alright?" He asked as he pulled her out of the car. She was shaking her head weakly when Bobby finally noticed the dark stain on the back of her leg. "Oh God… Koala Bear, what the hell happened?"**_

_**Addy coughed out a laugh then answered, "Demon."** _

" _ **Shit… And you drove all this way with that in your leg?" She managed to nod as Bobby helped her up the stairs. "Don't worry Sweetheart, I'll fix you up," he offered even though he knew that she wasn't able to hear anything he was saying right now.**_

_**She slept through the extraction of the hook and the painful stitching that came after it. Bobby sat at his desk sipping whiskey from a glass while he watched her sleep and waited somewhat impatiently for her to wake. A filled glass of liquor sat on the desk waiting for her when she came to and Bobby filled then drained its twin yet again. She woke up while he was in the kitchen looking for another bottle of whiskey and when she saw the glass, she scooped it up and drank it down greedily.** _

" _ **How's the leg?" Bobby asked softly once he was seated beside her on the couch.**_

_**She looked over at him, but before she could try to formulate a reply, her lip started to quiver uncontrollably. As she lunged forward, she released her grip on her glass and it bounced a couple of time on the rug. Bobby was momentarily too stunned to react as Addy sobbed loudly. He had tried to keep in contact with her as much as possible after her mother's death, but she had always tried to remain completely stoic and very rarely showed him or anyone her weaknesses, so seeing her like this was foreign to him and hard to react to appropriately.** _

_**He petted the back of her head then tried his best to comfort her by whispering a few words of support. She started to have difficulties and struggled to breathe and choked on her words when she finally did try to speak, so Bobby just held her even more tightly to his body.** _

_**After a while she finally pushed back on his chest then bit her trembling lip while she tried to calm herself enough to make another attempt at speaking. He held her face and searched her eyes for the answers she couldn't seem to get out. As he dried some of her tears, he thought that he found his answer and pulled her close again.** _

" _ **I know Addy… I know… We tried… We really did…" Bobby said softly as he rocked her in his lap. "And Sam's still trying." Addy sat back and stared at him in shock, so Bobby smoothed her hair down on each side of her head then he shrugged and added, "Who said either of them would go down easy?"**_

I shot up in bed, hyperventilating as I check around the room. When I found that I was alone, I jumped out of bed to check the rest of the house. To my relief, everything was quiet, but I still double checked every room to make sure that Edgar was still at work, or wherever a monster from Purgatory would spend their day. When my investigation proved that the house was in fact empty, I sighed loudly then collapsed on a chair in the kitchen and tried to take stock so I could figure out what I should do next.


	25. Has Your Opinion Changed?

Packing up everything to leave was relatively quick and easy because I hadn't finished unpacking the majority of the clothes that I had just bought. I threw a couple of filled bags into the box that I had found in the laundry room and whatever didn't fit in there was shoved into two duffle bags that I had uncovered in a closet. During my rush to get everything done before the creature that was trying to pretend to be my husband could get home I paused only once to stare at the red velvet dress that I had been compelled to buy.

_With a hard scowl still etched on my face, I looked down at the dress I was now wearing while saying (more to myself than to the angel that was seated across the table from me) "I don't think I've ever even owned a dress like this."_

" _Well you should because every woman should have a dress like that in her closet."_

I quickly snatched the gown off its hanger before I could chicken out and shoved it deep into one of the duffle bags. I bit my lip hard and tried my best to ignore the embarrassed flush that had started burning across my skin. I kept telling myself that if an Arc Angel thought that this particular article of clothing should be a part of my wardrobe then who was I to argue with him?

After I had ensured that I had everything that I would need packed up, I found myself staring at the door of the safe in the bed room. Edgar hadn't been too concerned with concealing the combination anytime that he had opened it, so I had seen the five digits that were used to unlock it on more than one occasion. But for some reason I just stood there staring at it, completely motionless.

"Just because he hasn't hurt you yet doesn't mean that he won't if he's ordered to… He isn't a man Addy, he's a thing," I told myself out loud. "Come on Addy you have to get home," I ordered myself as I tried to suppress any feelings of guilt that were threatening to surface. Deep down I knew that Edgar was actually possessed by one of the things that had held on even after Castiel had purged the souls back into Purgatory, but he had never treated me that way. Even though I was aware of that I couldn't just let myself hate him, couldn't bring myself to think completely negatively about him because he had actually been caring and kind to me. He had tended to my every need, but I just kept trying to remind myself that that was only and means to their ends and I knew what these things wanted from me, so I had to leave before they could put their plan into action.

"You need to let Toby and Dean know that you're alright… That you're alive," I tried coaching myself yet again to prohibit the feeling of sorrow that I was feeling from growing.

" _Addy? I was calling you… Were…? Were you ignoring me?"_ Toby's voice echoed in my mind as I finally forced my hand to move towards the keypad. While I started punching in the code a still frame of Dean flashing the camera a bright and somewhat menacing smile from one of the videos of the Winchesters' killing spree replaced the picture of Toby in my mind's eye. I focused on his face so that I could shake away the fog that had been clouding my judgment.

I no longer felt like I was moving through a sea of molasses as soon as I started pulling out stacks of bills and shoved them into a backpack while thinking to myself, _And you really need to find out what the fuck is going on with Dean and Sam right now… Maybe you can help to get them back on track._

Once the safe was empty, I loaded myself up with all of my bags, slipped my phone into my pocket, balanced the box of clothes on my hip, grabbed my keys and then headed out towards my car. The moment I stepped foot into the garage, I nearly panicked because I had forgotten that the day before I had been in such a rush to get dinner started that I hadn't wanted to wait for the garage door, so I parked the car at the end of the driveway… Out in the open where any of the neighbors could see me trying to make my escape. Neighbors that were more than likely creatures just like Edgar that had probably been ordered to spy on me to make sure that I didn't stray too far from where they wanted me to be or from doing what they thought that I was supposed to be doing.

"You HAVE to get out of here," I tried to order myself more forcefully when I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "The only way you can do that is by getting out to the car. Come on Addy, you can do this."

 _It would probably do you a lot of good to move past chatting with the same neighbors all of the time._ Edgar's voice reverberated in the back of my mind as a reminder that I shouldn't let my paranoia get the best of me. After all it was him that had encouraged me to go out and explore my surroundings, right? Even if the neighbors were spies they wouldn't stop me from following my 'husband's' wishes, would they?

"Lonnie! Lonnie!" A voice called out insistently behind me.

I slowly stopped walking, took a deep breath then turned and forced my mouth to curve into a smile answering, "Oh… Hey… Julia… I didn't see you there."

 _Please just go back into your house. Please don't… Please don't stop me,_ I silently pleaded as she continued to approach me. _Please just let me go._

"Lonnie…? Where are you running off to Hun?" She asked in a sickenly sweet tone.

 _Home,_ I thought with a tearful sob in my mind. I swallowed hard, hoping that I didn't look or sound overly guilty before answering, "Well… After my not so small shopping trip a little while back, I sort of need to make some room in my closet for it all."

"Oh…? Really…?" She eyed me up and down with her skepticism more than evident and then she grasped the handle of one of the duffle bags that was painfully digging into my shoulder.

Julia slowly slipped it off of my body as I continued to explain, "I didn't really feel right putting everything into garbage bags." She nodded then took a couple of steps towards my car. Even though she didn't seem to be objecting, I couldn't stop myself from continuing my now unnecessary explanation, "There are a few new things too… That I never got around to wearing… I umm… I figured that there must be someone that could put them to good use… You know…? Umm… Since I'm so blessed and all… I just wanted to try to extend that onto someone else…"

Julia stopped cold in her tracks and I instantly kicked myself for not shutting up sooner. I was sure that I had piqued her suspicion by offering one too many excuses… That I had broken the illusion of friendship by offering details that she hadn't asked for… For details she didn't really need.

 _Less is more Kola Bear,_ Bobby's amused voice rang out in my mind. _Less is more…_

" _ **Now come on… Here… I seriously cannot believe that Victoria didn't go over this with you…"**_

_**I stepped over to his open arms hesitantly and only raised my eyes when he gently touched my forearm. I hated that I hadn't passed this test with ease, but my anger was instantly over taken by my feelings of embarrassment at not excelling during one of Bobby's tests, even if he was being nicer about it than John usually had been in similar situations.** _

_**He led me to a chair in the center of his study and then after I was seated he turned his back on me saying, "Alright Addy… When he… When one of them walks up to you, first you have to look confident… Which means sitting up straight…" I instantly pushed my shoulders back, arched my back slightly and quirked an eyebrow to question if that was straight enough for his liking. Bobby shook his head with an uncomfortable chuckle, "Umm… Yeah… Something like that… Now… If he asks you, 'Where are you going in such a hurry?'… You answer…?"** _

" _ **I guess I could answer something like this…" I batted my eyes as the tip of my tongue slowly traced the interior line of my lips and coyly said, "'Was I speeding? I'm so sorry officer, I didn't notice because…'" After a small but suggestive nip at my top lip, I slumped in my chair then finished in a slightly exasperated and annoyed tone, "Then I insert some generic family emergency like 'I need to get home because my Nana's sick' or 'my mom's been rushed to the hospital'… Right?"**_

_**Bobby stared at me slightly stunned before he swallowed hard then scowled hard replying, "Adelaide…" He threw his hands up in the air in a gesture of absolute defeat then turned his back on me announcing, "If you aren't going to take any of this seriously…"** _

_**As Bobby started to stalk out of the room, I jumped to my feet somewhat playfully pleading, "Oh come on Bobby! Tell me I didn't convince you to let me out of the speeding ticket! Bobby…! Bobby! Aww… Seriously! I'm sorry! Come back… I kept the explanation simple this time… Bobby! Please…? I promise I'll be more serious from now on, okay?"** _

Once Julia had slowly dug her heel into the sidewalk to pivot on it and had turned fully around, she forced some tears to glisten in her vessel's eyes to make her sound more sincere as she replied, "That sounds so… So…"

Her words seemed to get caught in her throat so I added, "I just want to remind Edgar of some of the reasons why he… Uhh… Loves me since… You know… I've been so… It's been so difficult on him with my amnesia and all…"

"Of course you do Lonnie," she replied as she set the bag she was carrying down by the rear passenger tire. "And you have somewhere in mind to take everything?"

Since she didn't seem to be objecting to this course of action, I quickly unlocked the trunk answering, "Oh yeah, I found somewhere on-line last night and called them today."

"That's good… That's good…" Julia repeated almost absentmindedly.

After everything was secured in the trunk, I stepped up beside Julia and before I could speak, she squeezed my hand saying, "He has always said that you have the most generous heart…" After a brief moment of silence, Julia more jovially commented, "Alright… Well… We still have to pick a date for me to make you and Edgar that 'Welcome to the neighborhood' dinner, so just pop by once you're done, okay?"

I nodded then forced myself not to sigh audibly before answering, "Right, yeah… We do… I don't think… I mean, I shouldn't be more than a couple of hours…"

"Sounds good! I'll see you then!" Julia offered with a wave as she made her way back towards her house.

I finally sighed loudly once I was alone behind the wheel of the car that Edgar had chosen for me to drive. After a few more cleansing breaths, I opened my eyes and took in the view of the interior of this car.

"Gross… A Ford Taurus?" I questioned aloud. "Could you be more generic Mister Monster from Purgatory? I… I never thought that I would start to miss Phantom this much since everything that happened in Hell… But this… Driving this… Ugh torture."

===============================================================================

The worker behind the counter didn't seem to notice me at all, so I purposefully dropped one of my heavier bags on the ground. She turned around slowly then slightly rolled her eyes before putting down her cell phone and stepping closer to me. I was half tempted just to turn and leave but my desperation superseded my anger and desire to be dramatic, so I remained in my spot. Plus this was the only rental place that didn't have a line up close to a mile long, but now it was painfully obvious why.

"Welcome to Lariat," the worker announced in an unenthusiastic tone. "We're here so you can… 'Go places'… How can I help you?"

I couldn't help but match her sarcastic tone as I replied, "I'd like to rent a sleigh." She stared at me completely wide eyed so I smiled more easily saying, "I'd just like a sport's car… Uhh… Tracey."

Tracey just barely held back her snort of indignation to make her distain for my joke more than apparent before turning and answering, "Let me check the computer. I'll need your Driver's License and a credit card."

I pulled out my wallet that I had found in a hidden pocket of the jacket I had been wearing before being knocked out back at Bobby's house and fished out a piece of ID. Since everyone had known me as 'Lonnie Beale' back in 'Monsterland', I figured that I couldn't use that name without being detected, so I fished out one with a different name. I took in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly as I pulled out a Debit/Credit card in the same name. I didn't use many aliases, but it still made me sad to think that after today that I would have to shred this one and abandon using it forever to keep the Leviathans off my scent.

She snatched them up from the counter top explaining, "Well I have a PT Cruiser or a Ford Mustang depending on your budget Ms.… Wells."

"The Mustang will be fine," I replied inwardly cringing at her insinuation that a PT Cruiser could be considered a sports car. "And it's Rusty," I couldn't resist adding before picking up my bags to leave.

After all of my bags were loaded into the trunk, I tore into the packaging of the cell phone charger I had bought on my way to the airport. After my Blackberry was plugged in, it took all of my will power not to try to listen to the voicemails that were waiting for me right then and there. I knew it would be too awkward to drive while holding the phone because of the tightly coiled cord of the charger, so I played with the dials on the radio instead to distract me, hoping that music would calm me like it had in the past.

After I had gotten lunch from a random drive through, I pulled into a rest stop to finally turn my attention to my phone once again. The battery continued to charge and was at fifty percent, so I held down the button labeled "1" and waited for the automated voice to start before putting it on speaker phone. As it clicked over from the handset to the speakers, I missed hearing exactly how many calls that had reached the voicemail system. Of course given the list of all the days "Derek" and "Darren" had tried calling (with multiple calls each day), I knew that Toby's and Dean's messages would be increasingly panicked as they filled my voicemail inbox to capacity.

" _Addy?"_ Toby started before he sobbed loudly. _"Addy? Please… Please pick up… I… I think I found something that you and the guys were looking for… Please?"_ He sniffled snottily then continued with a rushed, _"Whatever I did, I'm so sorry… Please? I didn't mean to make you mad… Please call me back…"_ I could barely make out the end of his message through his tears but I was pretty sure that he said a quiet 'I love you' before hanging up.

I listened to a couple more of Toby's messages and started crying in response to hearing the gut wrenchingly sad tone that filled every word that he committed to my voicemail. I was starting to sob too loudly to hear the next few messages. I let them continue to play while trying to calm my breathing and I gasped loudly when I finally heard Bobby's voice.

" _Hey Koala Bear…"_ I could hear him swallow hard and figured that he was trying to force himself to keep an even tone. _"We just need to know that you're okay… So call any of us, alright? We all have our phones on… And… We miss you, so… Call us."_

"Bobby…" I whispered as I brushed some more tears away while I also deleted a bunch of messages without listening to them.

I was half tempted to just delete all of the remaining messages without listening to them, but then I heard a breathy, _"Lay…? Lay…? Baby, you really need to start answering your damn phone… DR. GAINES TO ROOM 303 DR GAINES…_ (A voice over the PA drowned out part of Dean's message) _… Out of the hospital… I don't know where we're headed but… I'll call when I know more… Lay…? I… I'm… I know you're… But… Still… Uhh… I love you."_

My tears started to fall with a renewed vigor after that message because I could tell that Dean was pointedly trying to sound like it was business as usual, but wasn't fully succeeding. From what he was saying, I could only assume that he thought that I was gone, dead again without saying goodbye, and that he was just trying to go through the motions to maintain some sense of normalcy while everything was crashing down around him. He was leaving a message for a dead woman and he never expected for me to receive it, so I knew that the sobs that I heard during every pause weren't imaginary and I felt so nauseated that I knew that eating was completely out of the question.

" _Hey Addy!"_ Toby's cheerful voice followed Dean's somber message. _"Huh… You still can't answer your phone… Okay… Well I'll try you again later! Love you!"_

_**A pinching sensation on my stomach roused me from my slumber, but I hesitated from opening my eyes. I was sincerely hoping that I wouldn't be waking up outside of the hospital that I was sure that Dean would have taken me to after Sydney had stabbed a chisel deep into my gut, but right now I didn't completely trust my memory.** _

_**Suddenly the painful pinch transformed into a warm comforting touch that radiated throughout my body and into my soul. My right hand moved on its own and covered the hand of my visitor that was resting on my mid-section as I quietly greeted him with my eyes still closed, "Hey Castiel."** _

_**If he had looked surprised by my statement, he had gotten over it by the time that I opened my eyes to confirm that it really was him. With a bright smile in his eyes he replied, "It's good to see you awake Adelaide."** _

_**There was still a soft white light being emitted through his palm, so I gently stroked the back of his hand observing, "And I'm pretty sure we all have you to thank for that Castiel… And hey…? Can you please cut the formal bull, please?" A couple of tears escaped my eyes despite my attempt to joke away some of the pain before I hoarsely continued, "Castiel… Cas… What the hell are we going to do without you?"** _

" _ **Addy?" He questioned with his confusion at my question being more than evident, "Why…? Why are you talking as if I am already gone or that I'll soon be dead?"**_

_**I sat up and pulled him closer to my side once he was finished healing my wound and then I explained as lovingly as I could, "Because you pretty much will be once you're done with Purgatory and all. Dean's not going to back down and you're obviously going to be just as stubborn, so we're all going to… At the very least, grow apart from you. Then… Then it will be like you are dead to us… Not that that's a good thing, or something I want, but it's just what's going to most likely happen…"** _

_**I somehow managed not to cry but did shudder profusely when Castiel gently caressed one of my cheeks. His features softened ever so slightly for a brief moment before he hardened his gaze once again and replied, "Well then you should be even more grateful for this…"** _

_**His right hand slid from my cheek towards my hair during his declaration. As his left hand moved to join his right hand on the opposite side of my head, I ripped his right hand away from my head and nearly shrieked, "And what the hell is 'this'?"** _

_**Castiel glared at me and tried to place his right hand against my temple again. I ducked under it and jumped off the bed so that it would be between us. Thankfully Castiel had learned from his experience when he healed Maureen and he had already removed all of the electrodes and all of the other wires that had connected my body to the various monitors and machines, so my escape route was completely clear.** _

_**Once I was off the bed, I stared the angel down and tried my best to get a read on his thoughts from his facial features. He was mirroring my expression while doing the same and showed his frustration at my reluctance to allow him to proceed as he had planned. When I felt confident that I had figured out what he meant to do, I shrunk back and away from him with my hand gripping desperately at my hospital gown, just above my heart.** _

" _ **No Cas… No… Please don't do it…" I pleaded while trying not to cry again. "Please don't take him away from me…? Please? Not again…? I love him… We… we promised each other that we would be together no matter how bad things get… Please, please don't do this… Please? I'm begging you."**_

_**He seemed to be slightly shocked by my reaction, but he wouldn't be dissuaded as he answered, "I'm sorry Adelaide, but Dean asked me to do this for him and I'm trying to make some sort of amends with him and these are his terms."** _

" _ **Please Castiel… What about what I'm asking you? Do my feelings not matter at all to you? Does what I want mean nothing?" I countered without any concern for having to guilt trip him while I fished my knife out of my jacket in case I had to resort to banishing him with a blood sigil to keep him from following through with Dean's wishes. While I spoke and moved, I didn't take my eyes off Castiel and his eyes stayed locked with mine, but I knew that didn't mean he wasn't aware of what I was doing. "Please? Don't I get a say? I mean they are MY memories and all… Don't I get to choose if I keep them or not?"**_

_**The angel visibly slumped in his place and then he hung his head in relative defeat. I dropped my knife back into my jacket's pocket so that I could walk over to him and take his hand in mine in the hopes that that physical connection would tip the scales in my favor.** _

_**He sighed, blinked slowly and then looked me in the eye saying, "Alright Addy… I won't, but…"** _

_**I got up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek then stroked it gently with my thumb sweetly interrupting, "Don't worry about Dean. I'll take care of him… He won't be upset with you over this… He'll know I did this, not you… Okay?"** _

_**He nodded gently and moved to walk away, but stopped when he felt me squeeze his arm tightly once again as I quietly asked, "Castiel? Can I ask you to do a favor for me?" I couldn't read his thoughts by the expression on his face so I added, "I know that I have absolutely no right to, but I would be eternally grateful to you if you did… And would return the favor if I was able to…"** _

_**As he nodded in response again, he answered, "What is it that I can do for you Addy?"** _

_**After a soft, inaudible sigh I humbly asked, "Can you…? I mean, would you do that to Toby instead? Oh… And his parents?" My request seemed to confuse the angel, so I clarified by saying, "Just make him… Them... Forget that last night ever happened plus everything painful that caused them any tears over the last five years because of my actions or choices."** _

" _ **But Adelaide… Addy that would mean…"**_

" _ **Him never knowing who I really am and his parents forgetting they ever knew that I gave birth to him," I answered somewhat confidently. "I know… But it's what's best for all of them." Castiel didn't seem to be convinced, so I squeezed his hand then tried once again. "I just want him to go back to how he was before all of this drama, when he still did the things that made him happy. I know that right now he's worrying about how he's going to make Dean and me proud by becoming harder so that he can be a better hunter. I… He… he shouldn't have to do that… Not unless it's what he really wants… And if he's putting mine and Dean's feelings first then it isn't really what he wants."**_

_**That explanation seemed to do its job because Castiel's face lit up with recognition. As I hugged him, he pressed me close to him and replied, "Okay Addy, I can do that… for you and the Connors." After he felt me relax in his arms, he added, "But I do need to ask something of you."** _

_**I kept my hands locked at the small of his back then leaned out of his embrace so that I could look up at him saying, "I'm sure that it's the least that I can do for you… What do you need from me Castiel?"** _

" _ **I need you to have faith in me… I need you to believe with your whole heart and soul that I can stop Raphael."**_

_**His request took me somewhat by surprise, so I held both of his cheeks then resolutely proclaimed, "Of course I do Castiel… I know that you can stop him… And… We… We'll always have your back. That's what friends are for."** _

_**We stared into each other's eyes for a minute then for some reason he leaned down and chastely kissed me on the lips. I stood frozen for a minute and then I reciprocated causing him to step out of the embrace and disappear.** _

I took a cab from the airport after I returned my rental and had him drop me off at the end of Bobby's driveway because I didn't want to have to try to explain the damage he most likely would be able to see that had been afflicted on Bobby's home. I had tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was going to see once I got back to South Dakota, but the effects of the fire were far more devastating than having had bared witness to the fire itself so long ago. I could almost still smell the charred remains of the house's wooden frame even though I knew that more than enough time had passed so that any remnants of flames would have completely faded away to non-existence by now and that it was all just in my mind.

My duffle bag fell off my shoulder as I started to shake with undeniable sorrow unconsciously. _They called you, they're all fine… It's you they think died here… They're fine…_ I thought to myself as I walked towards the car that Bobby had been allowing me to use. Thankfully the trunk was still open so I dumped my bags beside the ones that housed the majority of my ancestors' books that I had packed in there long ago as I reminded myself once again, _Come on Addy! You HAVE to find Dean! Now!_

I forced myself to move away from the blackened remains of the place that I had considered my home for a brief time so that I could drive to a place that I once cringed at the thought of ever considering it my true home. Every time I returned to the house that my Poppy had built, I completely marveled at its ability to remain relatively unchanged. The paint still looked practically brand new and none of the outdoor furniture was ever rusted or out of place. The only way to truly tell that any time had passed was that the weeds in each of the gardens had completely taken over and made them look depressingly neglected.

As I parked the car, I couldn't help but smile as so many of my happy memories flooded into my consciousness. Dean and I had only spent roughly a year or maybe less here together, but we had definitely made it our home during that brief time. When he had first returned to Kidder to live with me, Dean had promised that he was going to replace every unpleasant memory that I had here with new experiences together that would always remind me of the man that had put his heart and soul into creating the safe haven for me before Sydney had tainted it. I had tried to accomplish the same goal by surprising him with special dinners (little things every now and then like my Mum had to make me… and Sydney know that we were the most important people in her life) whereas Dean wanted to simply just make love in every room of the house so that we could literally kiss away each other's pain away.

I had never thought that it would be possible, but with Dean and whatever he was doing to my inner thoughts, I had managed to make this place… "Home," I whispered to myself out-loud forlornly.

I tried to force myself to work as quickly as physically possible to unpack Bobby's car and gather together some supplies from my stashes throughout the house. My worry was that the more time I spent at this house, in this yard, the more I would convince myself that I not only wanted to, but needed to stay here. I still wasn't feeling one hundred percent or completely like the old me, so the temptation to just crawl into the king sized bed in the room that Dean and I had shared was overwhelming.

Once yet another duffle bag was filled with guns, ammunition, salt and kerosene was filled, I loaded myself up again and lugged all off my bags out to the garage. I dropped the bags on the ground as gently as possible as I just stared at my GTO, not exactly sure how I was feeling about it right now. At this moment in time she actually looked more than perfect for me for some reason even though there was a thin layer of dust now covering her more usually glossy body.

"Hey Phantom… I've really missed you girl," I stated serenely to the car as I ran my hand over her hood, almost petting her like a beloved pet. "Oh… My… God… Now I'm starting to talk to my car like Dean," I grumbled to myself. "I really need to get going and fucking find him… Yeah, maybe that'll help me get over this insanity."

" _ **Little GTO… You're really lookin' fine…" I heard Don's sing song voice coming from behind me as I was exchanging class books for the ones I'd need to finish my homework in my locker.**_

_**I closed my eyes, calmed my breathing like my Mum had taught me and forced myself not to react as violently as I wanted to before forcing a smile onto my face and turning to reply, "Nice one Don… Good to know I'm not the only one that appreciates the classics… But in all honesty my car isn't looking or sounding too fine right now."** _

_**He secured my locker for me then we fell into step together as we made our way out to the parking lot, where I was going to meet the school bus for what would hopefully be the last time ever, "Oh really? What happened to the car your Grandpa gave you?"** _

_**I shrugged honestly replying, "I really don't know. I spent like a week trying to figure out where the fuck this stupid rattling sound that's been plaguing her for a month came from before I just completely gave up and took her into Luke's to fix. He was still trying to find the problem when I called to check this morning before class."** _

" _ **Oh… Well… I think he might have figured out the problem," Don answered as he held open the front door for me.**_

_**As I stepped out to the main stairs I gave Don a confused look but fell completely mute when I say my car parked out on the street, seemingly waiting for me to drive her home. I completely forgot that Don had been walking with me and hurried to the passenger's door, completely awestruck that my Mum hadn't tried to get a hold of me before now to let me know.** _

" _ **Why didn't you call me Mum?" I asked as I slipped into the less familiar passenger's seat. "Did Luke fix the pro-?"**_

_**Dean snickered then answered, "Yeah, he found and fixed the problem, so she shouldn't stall on you anymore from here on out and… Well… I'm really hoping that it's more than obvious why your Mom didn't call you."** _

_**I swallowed hard a couple of times then nodded at him dumbly. Dean was now focused on the road while driving, so he missed my faltering and I was able to recover somewhat before replying, "Umm… Thanks for picking up Phantom for me… But, uh Dean? I know it's kinda been a while but this isn't the way to my house."** _

" _ **Yeah, I'm aware of that," he countered smugly. "But I'm not taking you home."**_

_**My heart skipped a beat and I hated that you could hear the fear in my voice when I asked, "W-where are you t-taking me?"** _

_**Dean stopped at a light then turned to look at me with a sad, apologetic look in his eye. "Hey… Look I… I really didn't mean to freak you out… I can take you home if you want me to."** _

_**I bit my lip feeling unbelievably guilty for making him feel like he had done something wrong. I mean, this was Dean Winchester sitting beside me. He had helped to patched up both of my parents up after fights had gone south. He was the only friend that I had that I could talk about hunting with and not feel like I was a totally abnormal freak. Plus he knew that I had been training for this job my whole life, so at the end of the day I could take him in a fight if I really did need to defend myself.** _

" _ **No, sorry Dean. I just meant to ask where we are going if you aren't driving to my house?" I replied with a more even tone. Dean didn't seem to be convinced that I wasn't wigging out, so I reached over to try to squeeze his knee while he drove adding, "Really I'm sorry Dean. Please?"**_

_**He briefly glanced down and noticed that I had inadvertently grabbed his thigh instead of his knee. He cleared his throat then playfully added, "Addy I know that I'm hot, but we're never going to make it there alive if you can't keep your hands to yourself."** _

_**I looked down at my hand because I didn't understand what he meant and when I saw that palm was resting on his inner thigh, so I tried to move it as fast as I could. Dean caught my hand before I could completely retract it. While I mumbled an apology, he ran his thumb over the back of my hand where he held it on the seat between us.** _

_**He heard me groan uncomfortably then he took all of the mockery out of his tone as he explained, "Hey I was just trying to tease you so you don't need to apologize, okay?" After I whispered a quiet "Okay" he let go of my hand and returned his to the steering wheel. "Dad and I were heading out to a job when he got a call with a lead. Since he already promised this couple that we'd help… And they offered to pay a tidy sum so he told me to continue onto it… Then I saw that Vicky and Sydney were heading out too… So I thought that you might get bored at home by yourself."** _

" _ **You want me to work a job with you?" I asked slightly stunned. "Just the two of us? As a team?"**_

_**He quirked an eyebrow then playfully replied, "Well you keep saying that I could learn a thing or two from you, so why not get a lesson from the master this weekend?"** _

**Weekend?** _**I thought in a bit of a panic. He seemed to pick on my apprehensions and quickly added, "Your mom threw a bag together for you… And the couple was going to give Dad and I separate rooms."** _

_**Before I answered, I tried to calm my racing heart because of my excitement from Dean wanting to spend time alone with me. "So… What's this job about?"** _

_**He explained that it was a fairly simple haunting, but the owners of the Inn were more than eager to have it taken care of as soon as possible. They offered money as an incentive because a couple of their customers had been hurt and they were booked to capacity this weekend. They had done as much research as they could but were still stumped about the identity of the spirit that was plaguing them or the method that could be used to vanquish it. We decided that we'd go straight there to look over the materials that the Inn owners had put together first before we would finalize our game plan.** _

_**The owners were kind enough to provide us with a hearty dinner while we looked over everything after our arrival. We both instantly noticed that there were a lot of holes in their research, so we decided to try to fill them the next day after doing surveillance during the night. We slept in shifts and were only mildly disappointed when nothing remotely supernatural happened, but the next day proved to be much more successful. We divvied up the work and within a few hours we had all of the answers that we needed to get this job done.** _

_**We waited until nightfall to go to the cemetery to put this haunting to an end. On our way in, we noticed that there was security roaming the grounds, so we had to find the grave site without the aid of flashlights which resulted in me falling flat on my ass after tripping on random objects more than once. By the time we made it to our intended location, the guard had caught up to us so we hid behind a bush until we were convinced that he had carried on.** _

" _ **Hey, you still doing okay?" He asked as he jiggled the key in the lock to the room we were now going to share after a couple arrived at their front desk unexpectedly.**_

_**I tried to straighten up, but I was worried that I would drop the cloth that was stemming the blood flow from the wound on my leg as I replied, "I'll live once I've gotten this taken care of… No worries Dean."** _

_**Dean helped me into the room then went straight to his bag to retrieve a first aid kit. He cut through the hole in my jeans then removed the excess cloth so that we could access my injury more easily. He started to work at patching up my wound, so I still his hands and emptied their contents onto the table.** _

" _ **Dean, you had to do all of the hard, grave-digging work already after my spectacular show of clumsiness, why don't you take the first turn in the shower?" I offered as I started cleaning my wound.**_

" _ **I don't mind helping you with your leg first."**_

_**I chuckled then countered, "Once this is fixed up I want nothing more than to have a nice long shower… Do you want to risk me not leaving you any hot water?"** _

_**Dean chuckled and shook his head, but he still stripped his shirt off and tossed it onto the bed without any other objections. By the time he had the shower running, I was pretty much finished dressing my wound. I struggled out of my damaged denim jeans then looked up to find my bag, hoping that my Mum had packed at least a pair of pajama pants and completely froze in my place… There was only one bed.** _

_**Dean and I had talked a lot on the phone, but it was almost always exclusively about whatever job either of us was working. On top of that, other than the one time he kissed me by my car a few months prior to working this job, he hadn't really expressed much of an interest in me romantically. Then I started to panic wondering what Dean had told the owners about us because they had chosen to give us this room as a "Thank you." (On top of the stack of cash Dean now had tucked into a pocket of his jacket.)** _

" _ **I made sure to leave you some hot water," Dean announced with a soft chuckle as he re-entered the bed room.**_

_**I had to force my eyes away from the bed then they grew even wider when they landed on Dean's naked torso. He had a few scratches on his arms from when he had tried to help me up, but I slipped once again after losing my footing, unintentionally digging my nails into his flesh and scoring his skin with my nails. If his smile faded in any way I didn't get a chance to see because I had already rushed towards the bathroom, clutching my duffle bag tightly to my chest without remembering to put on another pair of pants.** _

_**I showered and dressed faster than I had originally thought that I would, but I didn't leave the room right away. Instead I brushed my teeth no less than three times and almost gave myself a large bald spot from brushing it out so many times. Once I had nothing else to do to occupy my hands, I ended up just staring at my reflection in the mirror.** _

**Come on Addy, it's just a bed to sleep in and you know that you're completely exhausted.** _**I tried to reason with myself.** _ **And maybe he doesn't even like you like that anymore.** _**My eyes shot down to my body and I cringed slightly at the oversized plaid boxers and shapeless men's t-shirt that I loved to wear to sleep.** _ **Well not like he'd wanna jump a tomboy who dress more like him than an actual girl anyway.**

_**I re-emerged into the room at a painfully slow pace and found Dean setting up a makeshift bed on the floor. The covers and pillows on the bed were completely undisturbed, so I could only assume that he had asked for the Inn's owners to bring up some extra supplies and I instantly felt so guilty that I wanted to vomit.** _

_**Dean looked up from what he was doing then smiled warmly saying, "I told Molly that we'd be fine with sharing a room, but not… Uhh… You know… sharing…"** _

_**Hearing Dean's uncertainty quelled any doubts that I might have had, so I was able to interrupt him with a more confident, "But this bed's much too big for one lonely person." Dean stared at me in disbelief, so I more seriously added, "Plus you did have to dig that grave all by yourself, so sleeping on the floor will probably royally fuck up your back."** _

" _ **Oh this? Geez, Princess did you think that I was sleeping on the floor?" He joked sounding more like the Dean I had grown to… Gotten to know better.**_

" _ **Dean… Seriously, we're both adults so sharing a bed really isn't that big of a deal," I replied more calmly than I was feeling right now.**_

" _ **Both of us are adults? Last time I checked, I legally am in all States, but you… You're just barely past the age sixteen mark."**_

_**I rolled my eyes then sarcastically replied, "Yeah maybe you are LEGALLY, but we all know that on the scale of maturity I'm YOUR senior."** _

_**He then dropped the blanket and slipped in under the sheets on the bed. We both remained on opposite sides of the bed which ultimately felt more uncomfortable than sleeping on the floor would have been. Dean slid over slowly until he felt his fingertips brush over the skin of my arm. I unconsciously tried to mold my body closer to his, so Dean wrapped an arm around my waist, pulled me even closer to him and started to kiss my neck softly.** _

" _ **Addy you were amazing on this job," He praised between kisses.**_

_**Dean's hand started to rub small circles on my stomach as his kisses turned into soft nips on all over my skin. I felt his fingers start to trail under the elastic waist band of my shorts, so I grabbed Dean's wrist to stop any more of his advances.** _

" _ **Dean… Dean… I… I'm…" I tried to explain as I shuddered slightly.**_

_**He retracted his hand and smoothed down my shirt whispering, "It's okay."** _

_**I rolled over to look at him as I said nearly in tears, "I'm sorry, it's just…"** _

_**A finger on my lips ceased my speech. "Addy, really, it's okay. We can take it slow if that's what you want."** _

_**I looked up at him with guilty eyes as I explained unnecessarily, "It's just that I haven't… I mean I don't… Not with…"** _

_**He pulled my lips to his then replied, "Hey I get it. You don't have to explain."** _

_**He then helped me to cuddle into his side and I couldn't help but get in the last word. "So… Since you aren't getting lucky tonight, would driving my car back to Kidder be considered a good consolation prize?"** _

_**He chuckled then squeezed me in his arms replying, "This is pretty awesome too… But I don't mind being your chauffeur, Miss Daisy."** _

_**As he held me that night, I knew right then in there at that moment that I loved him and would be in love with him until the day I died.** _

I turned the key in the ignition thinking to myself, _I HAVE to find him damn it! Please God! Please let Toby know where he is._

I got to the Connor's in record time and only took enough time to rip the keys out of the ignition before running full speed to their back door. I forced myself to calm down before knocking because I really didn't want to scare any of them by being overly enthusiastic when I knocked at the back door.

After rapping on the wood of the door a couple of times, I almost worried that no one was home because they had yet to answer. I looked around the yard and finally noticed that neither Maureen nor Bill's vehicles were in the driveway, so I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they weren't here. I was just about to turn and walk away when I finally heard the clock click and the door slip open.

I pivoted back with a bright smile on my face that instantaneously disappeared when I saw the shot gun expertly raised in Toby's hands as he demanded, "What the hell are you?"


	26. We Keep Running From These Sentences

"What the hell are you?" Toby snarled while keeping the shot gun steady on his shoulder.

I forced myself not to reach out to him as I replied with an anguished tone, "Toby… Toblerone… It's me Buddy… Addy."

One corner of his upper lip curled slightly as he tightened his grip on his firearm, snidely replying, "Even IF you are, you know that there's no way in Hell that I can let you into this house without double checking first."

I nodded dumbly at the forceful tone he was using with more than professional ease. Normally I would have been proud of him for protecting himself and his family, but right now all I wanted to do was to just wrap my arms around him and have him tell me how much he missed and loved me. After weeks of feeling lost and alone, I wanted to feel safe and loved. Neither of us moved, but suddenly I thought of something that I thought could help speed this process along.

"Devil's Trap!" I inadvertently shouted with excitement at my revelation before more calmly explaining, "You drew a Devil's Trap under the mat here when Dean and I first moved in… If I'm possessed, I'll get stuck in place on it and then you can perform the exorcism that… Uhh… I taught you."

Toby's eyes narrowed as he gave my proposal some serious thought in an uncomfortable silence. He nodded slowly and then cautiously took a step back without attempting to lower the muzzle of the shot gun while ordering, "Fine… That could work… Alright, step onto the door mat… Slowly… Oh…You should know that I loaded these rounds myself with a special blend, so don't even think of trying anything."

"Oh-okay," I stammered with my hands held up in an undeniable gesture of submissive surrender. I stepped onto the 'Welcome' mat laying just on the other side of the doorway and stood in that spot for an excruciatingly long count of five before I side stepped onto the linoleum. "See?" I commented with sad conviction. "I'm not possessed."

"Well fine… You might not be a demon," Toby retorted with a not so quiet scoff. "But that's just the first test that you have to pass to prove yourself to me."

Somehow he managed to pull out a knife from somewhere without moving the gun from his shoulder. As I silently questioned where he had learned such a stealthy move, he further instructed me with a sneer, "Now let's see if you pass this one too."

I reached out to take the knife from him and noticed that his face softened ever so slightly when he saw my hand was gently shaking. I rolled my jacket's sleeve back hoping that Toby would see the scar by my elbow from the last time I done this to prove myself to him (completely forgetting that that was probably one of the memories that Castiel had white washed from his memory), but he didn't seem to notice or care at all. I had hoped to see some love and understanding in his eyes, but instead he had just hardened his features once again to remind me that he was the one that was controlling the direction of this interaction.

As I sliced the blade slowly over my scar, I once again felt conflicting emotions ranging from pride to chagrin and couldn't help but let a couple of tears fall. While I cut into my flesh, I monitored his reaction and hoped that he would trust that I was really me. When the wound oozed red blood without reacting to the etched silver blade, Toby's eyes sparkled with something gentle ever so briefly, but his features remained steadfastly hard.

After I was done, I wiped the blood off of the knife's blade onto my pant leg then moved to hand it back to him, but he just jutted his chin towards the island as a silent instruction for me to put it there. I carefully exchanged the silver blade for a tea towel on the counter top that I assumed Toby had placed there for me to wrap my wound. I made sure to keep all of my movements almost painfully slow because I was afraid that I might upset the teen and learn firsthand what his "special blend" of ammunition was. He watched my every move intently and when our eyes met, I could have sworn that I saw his lip quiver slightly.

"Okay… So you're not a shifter either," he stated mostly to himself. I nodded and swallowed hard while waiting for my next instructions as he took a few steps back and away from the island. Although he was still trying to maintain a stone-like exterior, Toby's voice broke slightly as he said, "Alright, just one last test." He put the shot gun down on the kitchen counter to which I quirked a questioning eyebrow in reply. "If you fail this one, then that thing is more than useless," he explained as he increased the distance between us.

When he was beside the doorway that led to the hallway and a direct escape route to the front door, he more timidly instructed, "The… The green box… Uhh-under the sink… w-w-wash your hands with what's inside of it… Please?"

"Okay," I agreed softly. As I walked around the island, I made sure to keep it between us at all times. I tried to keep eye contact with him as I bent down to retrieve the box, but my heart ache caused me to divert my gaze every so often to keep myself from completely breaking down before I proved my identity to him.

After I had placed the cardboard box on the counter top, I gave Toby another questioning look but made no other movements to comply with his demands. Toby's facial expressions finally relaxed and the now had a pleading look in his eye that was beyond heart breaking, so I didn't say anything else and just picked up the box again.

The white powder flowed out of the small opening easily and I sighed loudly knowing that no matter what the outcome Toby was anticipating that I would most definitely end up with sore, raw skin on my hands. While I scrubbed the white powder, now turned paste, vigorously between my palms and over my fingers, I silently prayed that Maureen still had some of her sensitive skin lotion in her bathroom so that I could ease some of the pain from the chaffing that I predicted that the cleaner would cause.

"Addy?" Toby tearfully questioned as if it was the first time that he had seen me during this day. Before I had finished rinsing off my hands, Toby threw his arms around me, sobbing loudly as he exclaimed, "Addy! You're… You're… But… Dean… He… He said…"

I didn't bother drying my hands and just turned to wrap my arms around him. He had grown a few inches since the last time I had seen him, so he had to stoop slightly so that he could cry against my shoulder. I managed to hold back my own tears as I rubbed his back vigorously while an endless stream of apologies stumbled out of his mouth, but they were muffled somewhat against my shirt.

Once his breathing had calmed down, I squeezed him once more tightly in my arms whispering, "If anything ever came after me or your parents, I wouldn't want anyone but you to fight at my side." He pushed out of my embrace, but could only mouth a few of the words that he wanted to say. I held his face so that I could look him in the eye as I resolutely stated, "Hey, Toby you didn't do anything wrong… You did exactly what I've tried to teach you all these years Buddy, you don't need to be upset."

"But Addy… Th-the look in your eye… I… I thought that you were just a thing that was trying to mess with me," he tearfully reasoned.

I smiled warmly then replied, "And you stood your ground like a seasoned professional. Really Tobs that is exactly what they try to do to us… But you didn't fall for it… You did great Buddy… But Toby…? Could I maybe ask you something?"

"Anything!" He answered with more enthusiasm than any of his previous commentary.

I held up my hands to show him my dried out skin while asking, "So what's up with the Borax Buddy? Oh… And do you have any lotion handy that I can use?"

"Oh… Uhh… Well… When… The last time that I talked to Dean," he started before retrieving a bottle of lotion from a drawer behind him. "He was saying that that stuff actually hurts Leviathans… They… they don't seem to know so I figured that if it did start to like burn you or whatever it does then I could run and hide while you tried to get the burning to stop… You know… If you were one of them."

Without meaning to, I chuckled softly as I placed the bottle into its rightful place after putting some of its contents to use. He looked at me with a bit of embarrassed blush adding, "Well it seemed like a really good idea at the time."

"I'm sure that your plan would have worked out perfectly," I reassured him as I pulled him into another strong hug. He shivered slightly when I took in a deep breath and tried to do my best just to relax with him in my arms, but he made absolutely no moves to break or remove himself from my hold. "Hey Toby? Can I ask you something else?"

He squeezed me in his arms much like the same way that I had done to him his whole life as he replied softly, "What is it Addy?"

I pushed back on his hips then looked up at his face with a curious grin on my face. For the briefest of moments I almost felt like I was being held in Dean's arms and not comforting my son's worried mind with my loving touch. Somehow he had gone and grown up on me and these past few months had seemed to have matured him by years and decades, not the mere weeks that I had been lost to all of them and myself.

Petting his cheek to soften the muscles and worry lines on his face to try make him look like the teenage boy that I was more familiar with talking to, I asked, "You said that Dean told you about the Borax trick… I tried calling him, but the recording said that his number had been disconnected… How did you…? Or umm… How did he get a hold of you?"

Toby smiled somewhat smugly then turned to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. He easily popped off the top and sat down at the kitchen table and nodded towards the other empty chairs as an invitation for me to take a seat with him. I watched him curiously as I sat down opposite him and then I eyed the open beer suspiciously. He smirked pushing it across the table into my open hand, but still didn't seem like he was going to offer me a verbal response.

"He and Sam had to change their phone numbers after those Leviathans stole their identities and stuff." After I sputtered in a breath and choked on my mouthful of beer, Toby laughed heartily then teased, "So you did see those news stories, right? Well… Please tell me that you didn't think that they had turned into complete sociopaths who were having fun on a countrywide killing spree did you? I mean we all really missed you, but that didn't cause any of us a total psychotic break or anything."

I bit my top lip trying desperately not to give into my undeniable urge to laugh, but I couldn't help but give in a little bit when he continued, "Oh that's right, you weren't yourself… Of course you would have believed that Leviathan propaganda… But I forgive you for that."

"Toby!" I tried to scold him through my laughter. "And I'm sure that you knew that Dean and Sam hadn't gone all Mickey and Mallory on us from the start then, eh?"

"Well…" He admitted more somberly. "At first I was kind of worried, but then I called him and GPSed his phone to see where they were at that time and… And it was nowhere near the murders, so I knew that something was up without Dean having to tell me."

I half stood to ruffle his hair before praising, "Damn kid, you are a freaking genius! I wouldn't have even thought of that!"

Toby always shied away from compliments and today was no different. He quickly stood up, checked the weight of my bottle and when he noticed that it wasn't empty, he stared uncomfortably at his feet for a moment. After a brief argument with himself, he turned completely away from the table to snatch up his cell phone from the kitchen counter.

As he stared at the screen of his phone, I saw him set his shoulders resolutely before he turned back around to face me. "I'm not sure where they are right now, but I could call Uncle Dean for you and… Or… I could give you his number… But… He might not… Uhh…"

"You calling him for me would be great Buddy," I commented with a sad smile when I noticed the gloomy shift in his facial features and posture. "But to be honest, I've been on the road for like three straight days and it feels like I've been away from all of you for like a lifetime… Could we maybe hold off calling Dean until tomorrow or something?"

Toby looked up at me in a stunned silence then asked with an anguished, disbelieving tone, "Really? You want to just hang out with me and not call Dean right away? Are…? Are you sure?"

I was on my feet and had him wrapped in my arms before he had finished his questions answering, "Of course I'm sure… Unless… Unless you wanted to get rid of me…"

Toby crushed me as he returned my embrace replying, "Never."

===============================================================================

After cleaning up and dressing my wound properly, Toby made us both something to eat while we chatted about our time apart and what we both had be doing during that time. He caught me up about practically everything that had been going on with the Winchesters and Bobby, or at least to the best of his ability that is. He admitted that as much as he and Dean had continued to talk and check in with each other, he could sense that Dean wasn't telling him absolutely everything and Toby had his suspicions that it had something to do with Sam, but he wasn't completely sure. I was fairly confident that he was right, so I promised that if I could do anything to shed some light on that situation that I would as soon as possible to help ease his mind.

"Hey Addy?" Toby hesitantly questioned as we dried the last of our dishes to put them away. "Would you…? Umm… Are you feeling up to having a movie night…? Or are you too tired and want to go to bed right away?"

"No Buddy, definitely not too tired to hang out with you… What did you have in mind?"

As we walked into the den, Toby shyly answered, "Well… I just got the Pirates box set on Blu-Ray… Unless…"

"Johnny Depp in high definition sounds perfect," I quickly responded without showing my confusion at his hesitation.

During the second movie in the lineup, Toby had somewhat awkwardly curled up into my side under a blanket. I tried to cuddle with him but his new height made our usual TV watching position difficult to achieve comfortably. I jumped up to put in the third movie so that I could more easily manipulate how we repositioned ourselves on the couch for this viewing.

If we made it to the fourth movie, I never found out because I had gotten so comfortable with Toby that I fell into a deep sleep. He extracted himself from my arms with slow reluctance and stood over me to just watch me sleep for a time. Although he was beyond elated and relieved that their worst fears hadn't been realized, he was also simultaneously saddened because he knew that I was going to be leaving him to join up with the Winchesters soon.

His parents came home while Toby was cleaning up our dishes. When Maureen noticed that there were too many soiled bowls and glasses for him to have used on his own, she quickly said, "Tobias… I thought that we agreed that you weren't going to have any friends over tonight… You needed to study for your Spanish make-up test, remember?"

Toby's elated smile faded fast from his face when he saw the stern look his mother was now wearing. Before he put away the dishes he had just finished washing and drying, Toby swallowed hard then repentantly explained, "Yes Ma'am we had agreed on me doing that, but… But this visitor is… Umm… Well… I didn't think that you would be upset at my entertaining them and making them feel comfortable."

Both of his parents responded to his tale with a frustrated frown, so he sighed then nodded towards the den. He then silently led them to the open door and watched them to see what their reactions would be at seeing me safe at home with a large grin spreading across his face. They both stood in their places in a stunned and confused silence at seeing me sleeping on their couch with their mouths agape so Toby took them each by the hand and tugged his parents towards the living room.

Maureen was the first one to recover and she looked back towards the TV room while she questioned in a hushed, almost infuriated tone, "Tobias? Who or what is that sleeping on our couch? I… I thought that Dean said… What did you…?"

"Dean was wrong Mom," Toby jumped in, unable to be polite because of his excitement. "It's her Mom… I did all of the tests that Addy, Dean, Sam and Bobby have taught me and she passed them all."

Bill was listening intently to both his wife and son then cautiously questioned, "Alright, say that that really is our Addy in the other room… Where has she been all of this time? Why didn't she contact us sooner?"

"Well it's kind of a long story Dad," Toby answered sounding slightly deflated.

"But the long and the short of it all is that I couldn't," I chimed in from the doorway. Bill and Maureen quickly turned around to face me while still looking like they didn't believe that I was really there, not that I could totally blame them after the horror stories I had told them over the years. I lost some of my enthusiasm seeing their reaction and more shyly finished my statement saying, "And I couldn't because I was suffering from amnesia after a nasty blow to the head."

Maureen looked between Toby and myself seemingly looking for confirmation and he just nodded vigorously so she ran over to me to hug me tightly. "Adelaide! Sweetheart you have no idea how much we all missed you and how… how… how worried we were."

When I heard her sniffle quietly, my lighthearted resolve broke and I tearfully replied, "I think I might have a small inkling. I'm so sorry that I worried you all so much and I promise that I'll make it up to you."

Maureen released me from her hold then pet my cheek replying, "You being back is apology enough Sweetheart, but where have you been? What happened? How did you get amnesia?"

"Oh… Well like Toby said it is a pretty long story…" I started hesitantly.

Bill just continued to stare at me, beyond stunned but before I could offer them any other words of explanation Toby chimed in as the voice of reason. "And it is pretty late now… Plus you still look pretty tired Addy, why don't we talk about it all tomorrow?"

I laughed softly then hooked my arm around his neck so I could pull his face down to kiss his cheek replying, "Sounds like a plan. G'Night Toby."

As I turned away from him to extend the same wishes to his parents, Maureen pulled me into another strong hug then reluctantly released me almost asking, "We'll see you in the morning, right Adelaide?"

Tears brimmed her eyes so Bill wrapped a comforting arm around her waist as I answered, "Of course… That is unless…" Maureen's eyes went wide with worry before I finished, "You know unless I sleep in past noon or something which would mean that you'll see me in the afternoon and such."

Both Maureen and Bill shook their heads sighing out an exasperated "Adelaide" then Bill chuckled a little bit more jovially saying, "This most definitely is our Addy."

===============================================================================

After spending the only sunny day that we had together outside playing catch with Toby and then spending part of the afternoon working on his timing at the plate, I was beyond shocked to see that I had a missed call on my cellphone. As far as I knew, everyone that was aware that I was in fact alive had been within yelling distance of myself or Toby all day, so at first I was just tempted to assume that it was just a wrong number or a telemarketer and was almost ready to write it off and ignore it. As I moved to put my phone back in its resting place beside my pillow, I saw that the mystery caller had actually left a voicemail for me, so without checking my caller ID I dialed into my inbox to listen to the message waiting for me.

" _Hey Lay… So I got kind of a weird… Umm… Demand the other day and for some stupid reason I can't seem to get it off my mind. Anyways… I'm not sure how well you really got to know Ellen Harvelle, but I know that Bobby must have told you all about what happened in Carthage with Meg and how Ellen helped to save Sam and me… Well this crazy… Shit… Don't laugh okay…? This psychic guy… Fuck I can't believe that I'm actually doing this… Okay so he told me that she had a message for me and knowing how stubborn and hard headed she was I wouldn't put it past her to come back and kick my ass if I don't do this so here it goes…_ (He paused to take a deep breath before more continuing slightly rushed) _I'm completely lost without you. Things between Sam and me aren't the best… Not that they ever have been and all, but I swear that it's just getting worse and beyond repair and I'm pretty sure he isn't being up front with me about what's happening in his head right now… Lay…? I need you… here, now. I need you to tell me when I'm being too much of a jackass to be helpful to him… I need you to ease this pain in my heart that drives me so fucking crazy that the liquor doesn't seem to numb it away anymore. Fuck, I'd trade… I'd even just settle for you just making me one more sandwich so that my stomach will have something other than whiskey in it. I can't stop thinking about you, about how you… About how it's all my fault that you will never actually get a chance to hear this message… Fuck I love you and I miss you so much that sometimes I think that I've completely lost my mind. God the fact that I just poured my heart and soul out to your fucking voicemail must mean that I'm drinking too much… or not enough… I don't even know anymore. Lay, I feel like I'm going to crash and burn and I feel like I'm all alone without you here… I… Oh shit… Sam's back, I've gotta go."_

When the message came to an end, I replayed it at least two more times to make sure that I had actually heard what he had said properly. The mere fact that Dean had left me another voicemail when he thought that I was dead didn't really surprise me all that much because I had written him more letters and emails than I would ever admit to during the months following the due date of his deal that were never actually sent and therefore could never be delivered to him. (I had burned all of the letters shortly after I had completed writing each of them because I had worried that someone would find them and would use them to have me committed to the nearest mental health facility for carrying on a conversation with a man that I had not only willingly cut out of my life but a man that had been rotting in a grave when I wrote each of them.) The thing that caught me completely off guard was how open and honest Dean had been during his declarations. After Sam had sacrificed himself for all of us, I had tried on so many occasions that I had lost count to get Dean to talk to me, to just open up about how that was affecting him, but his response had always been the same: pour himself a fresh glass of whatever scotch or whiskey was cold and then he would spend hours away from me doing… Well I never found out exactly but I know a few times he was still trying to find a way to free Sam from Lucifer's cage. If this situation hadn't made me so sad that I was practically physically ill, I probably would have laughed at the lunacy of it all. At that moment I truly wished that I could find any humor in the fact that the only time that I could truly get my soul mate to be completely honest with me was by being 'dead' so that I wouldn't break down into tears right now.

After listening to the message a fourth time, I stared at the screen of my phone not really knowing how I should proceed from here. My thumb subconsciously hovered over the 'D' key on my cell's keyboard while I contemplated the consequences of my placing a phone call to Dean before he could confirm that I was actually me.

"Addy?" Toby called from the doorway of the guestroom where I was staying while with the Connors. "Mom asked me to come up and get you… Dinner's ready."

I lifted my head up slowly, but I didn't actually take my eyes off of the screen of my phone. I was irrationally afraid that if I did take my eyes off of the missed call notification from 'Darren Hayes' that it would disappear and turn out to just be a hallucination conjured up by my mind because I missed Dean so much.

Toby sat down beside me on the bed softly saying, "Addy? Are you okay?" When I didn't answer, he took both of my hands in his to turn my phone so that its display was turned towards him which would allow him to read it with ease. He had to press a couple of buttons to illuminate the screen once again so that he could see what had me so stunned and then he asked in his own quiet amazement, "Dean called you?" I nodded, staying completely mute and not really acknowledging that he had asked me a question which prompted him to politely question, "What did he have to say?"

I smiled almost sadly knowing that he wouldn't be happy when he realized that I wasn't telling him the whole truth and replied, "He told me that he missed me a lot." It wasn't a complete lie, but Toby's face still twisted into the unimpressed expression that I had predicted, so I stood up and took his hand in mine sweetly asking, "So do you think that you can help me figure out where he might be right now? I mean after we've eaten dinner and all?"

Despite my best efforts to sound neutral, my follow up questions came out sounding gut wrenchingly sad. As Toby followed me towards the stairs, he squeezed my hand and laughed softly to himself. "No need to search too hard, I already know where he's supposed to be." I stopped mid-step to stare at him, so he tugged my arm and once I was moving again he explained, "I thought that I had a really good lead for him and Uncle Sam, but when I called them, Uncle Dean told to me to pass the information onto Uncle Bobby… He uhh… He said that they were going to Las Vegas… I don't know why exactly but I think Dean said something about needing to blow off some steam… He… he told me that he and Sam used to do it all the time before… Umm… And with you… Err uhh… With the whole stolen identity situation he…"

"I remember hearing stories about their Vegas vacations," I offered in place of him continuing his awkward explanation. "So I guess that means that I'll be packing for some time off in Las Vegas… Huh… I wouldn't mind seeing that new Elvis Cirque show…"

Just before we entered the kitchen, Toby stopped me then sadly stated, "I really wish you didn't have to go because these last few days have been so much fun, but I remember what you've always said about the job, so no drama."

I hugged him as closely as I could to my body and replied, "They have been for me too Buddy and I promise that I'll make my visits much more frequent from here on out, okay?"

He smiled warmly responding, "I can't say that I don't like the sound of that."

As eager as I was to see Dean, it was hard for me to leave the Connors behind again. We had said our goodbyes hundreds of times in the past when I was heading off on a hunt, but with the events of the past few months so fresh in our memories, the permanency of my absence seemed more real now. I knew that there was no way that I could convince them or myself that the likelihood of this being my last hunt was slim, but I hoped that my promise to call and check in on a more frequent basis would help to appease them… Well more specifically to appease Toby since the look in his eyes as I turned to leave the house almost caused me to stay.

"I'm just gassing up a few hundred miles out of town right now Buddy," I cheerfully reported as I stepped out of the convenience store with my bag of water and snacks in hand.

" _Oh, okay… Wow you must really want to see Dean pretty badly because you made amazing time getting there Addy,"_ he teased to hide the uncertainty that wanted to creep into his voice.

After I dumped my sac of goodies onto the passenger's seat, I rested against the door and chuckled softly before answering, "The roads were actually clear… But more importantly, what aren't you telling me Toby?"

He didn't hesitate before he quickly said, _"I'll just forward you the email because it pretty much says it all. I hope you don't mind, but I made reservations at a Holiday Inn for you in St. George, Utah."_

"In Utah… But Tobs I'm heading to Las Vegas and I just passed by there a few hours ago," I replied as I walked towards the driver's side of my GTO.

" _I know, but once you read the email it'll all make perfect sense… Trust me. I'll talk to you later, okay?"_ He didn't wait for my response before he disconnected the line. By the time I got behind the wheel, the email Toby had said he was going to forward to me had reached my phone. I hated reading on the small screen of my Blackberry, but Toby's elusiveness had piqued my interest so much that I didn't want to waste any time pulling out my laptop from the trunk.

I knew that I must have gasped out loud when I saw that the email had originally come from ''tommymcnamara67 at hotmail dot com" even if I was too stunned to hear it. I had set up that email for Dean back when I was in high school (and the name was based off a character from a show with an actor from my 'favorite' city in Australia) so that if we ever wanted to have a 'private' conversation without our noisy parents seeing it, we could do so more easily. He of course never used it, or so I had thought, and I could only assume that he was using it now because no one other than me knew that it existed so it couldn't have been something that the Leviathans could have learned from Castiel's memories while they possessed him. I wasn't quite sure how it had made it through Toby's spam filter, but that was the least important concern on my list of priorities right now.

I stared at the email name a little while longer then I finally read the contents of the actual message.

"HEY BUDDY, I'M GOING TO BE STUCK DRIVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY SO I NEED YOU TO DO A HUGE FAVOR FOR ME… I NEED YOU TO DO A LITTLE BACKGROUND CHECK ON YOUR NEW AUNT. THAT'S RIGHT, 'AUNT'. BUT DON'T WORRY, I HAVEN'T GONE COMPLETELY INSANE AND DIDN'T DO ANYTHING STUPID IN LAS VEGAS… YOUR UNCLE SAM HAS, BUT WE'LL GET INTO ALL OF THAT LATER.  
HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART: HER NAME'S BECKY ROSEN, BUT HER FULL NAME IS…"

He went onto list the rest of her personal information in the email. I stared at the small black font thinking, _Sam? Married? What the fuck did I miss while I was stuck in 'Monsterland'?_

While I drove to the motel that Toby had reserved for me, he went on to send me all of the information that he had dug up for on his new 'Aunt' for Dean when he forwarded it to Dean's email. I noted that he had put my email address into the 'Blind Copy' field and I couldn't help but wonder how I was finally going to tell Dean that I was alive. I finally had my full memory back, but now I was almost so worried about the 'where' and 'when' I should make my revelations that I was just about ready to back out and just drive back to Iowa. I felt my pulse start to quicken with nervous anticipation, so I vigorously shook my head to clear my doubtful thoughts away.

"One thing at a time Addy," I told myself out loud. "One thing at a time."

My drive to Delaware took me longer than I would have liked, but the route that Toby had told me would be the best had been riddled with construction and car accidents that couldn't be avoided. I tried taking an alternate route, but it truly was more convoluted than the one Toby suggested so I returned to the headache that was my originally planned course to Sam's apparent new home. Once I finally made it to my destination, I was so tired and frustrated that I stopped for a drink and some food to calm down and recharge. If seeing Dean for the first time in months was on my 'To Do' list today, I wanted to be relaxed, not bitchy and sullen like I was feeling from having such a crappy commute.

The bartender, whose name tag honestly read 'Rex', looked up from refilling a shelf with glasses and gave me an inviting smile when I sat down on a stool at the bar. I stole another lingering glance over my shoulder at an employee who was on his hands and knees vigorously scrubbing at a dark spot on the floor.

When I turned back to Rex, he jutted his chin to the man behind me saying, "That's the last time I'll let a high school reunion rent out this place… We're still trying to clean up the graffiti they left behind."

"I'm pretty sure that burns don't come out of carpeting," I replied somewhat flippantly before tossing a few peanuts into my mouth. He just stared at me like I had grown a second head so I added, "Seriously, you're either going to have to replace it or you could change the theme of the place so that you could incorporate that symbol into your décor."

He snickered a little bit to himself then jokingly replied, "Well my niece can't seem to shut up about that series with the emo looking vampire."

"See? There you go, you can jump right on that bandwagon then," I said with a tired smile. "Although I personally prefer the classics where vampires were afraid of the sun and didn't sparkle in it."

Rex laughed heartily then agreed saying, "Amen to that. So, what can I get for a lady with such great taste and advice?"

"What beer do you have in a bottle?"

I started reading over the menu as he easily offered me a list by memory, "Coors Light, Corona, El Sol, Dos Equis, Budweiser…"

"Wait! Sorry… Go back… What was the third one?" I asked as I finally looked up from the menu and made solid eye contact with him.

He held up an unopened bottle almost question his reply with an uncertain, "Uh… El Sol?" When he saw the undeniable smile on my face he popped the top off, passed the bottle to me with a chilled glass and then said, "I'll give you a minute with the menu while you enjoy some of your beer."

I almost blurted out, "Actually I'll take a bacon cheeseburger, extra onions" but he had already walked away to retrieve some more supplies from the back room, so I kept that answer to myself and followed his advice. I slowly poured the bottle's contents into the glass then stared at the label on the bottle. My memories of Dean came flooding back so vividly that I could have sworn that I could practically smell his aftershave wafting in from behind me.

"What's a pretty lady like you doing drinking at a bar alone?" A male's voice questioned uncomfortably close to my ear. I think he was trying to sound seductive, but he didn't seem to really be pulling it off.

I swallowed some of my rage, but before I could turn to tell him off, he leaned back and something on his shirt or jacket got caught in my hair. He didn't seem to notice because as he moved to stand up straight, my head followed his movement with a painful jerk.

My hand flew to the back of my head as he clumsily grabbed my hair, squeaking out an apology. "Oh gosh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean… Oh darn, how did it…? Oh gee…"

As he continued to ramble, he actually managed to free me from our painful connection, so I could turn around to face him and yell at him about his stupidity. When his face registered in my brain, I nearly shrieked instead of just shouting, "Garth? What the fuck? Were you trying to…? To…? Hit on me?"

"Addy?" His face completely blanched as he stumbled back a few steps and nearly fell over. "No… But you… You're… You can't…"

I opened my mouth to utter a snide remark, but was silenced by a flaskful of Holy Water being thrown in my face. His eyes widen and looked like they could nearly pop out of his head as I huffed out a couple of angry breaths. Before attempting to yell at him again, I snatched a couple of napkins off the bar and tried to dry my face a bit. Rex had been watching our exchange from afar and was still laughing as he offered me a clean towel that I took with a brief, grateful smile before he returned to checking the stock behind the bar.

When I turned back around to face the man behind me, I instantly noticed that the color had yet to return to Garth's face and he was shaking like a leaf. Seeing that this wanna-be hunter still hadn't seemed to have really harden any since the last time that I has seen him, I decided to take another deep breath to further calm myself before saying anything else to him.

"Garth, I'm not possessed… Okay… Before you pass out, have you started carrying a silver knife like I told you you should?" He somehow managed to nod so I put my hand out trying my hardest to politely say, "Why don't you pass it to me so that I can prove to you that I'm not a shifter?"

His hand was shaking as he passed his knife over and I started to feel a little guilty about how harshly I had treated him. For a while I had wondered how he had managed to make it this far without dying, but now I realized that he had the 'wounded puppy' routine perfected beyond anything that Dean had accused Sam of using which made most of us feel guilty for not helping him out whenever we could. I wish that I could say that I had outgrown treating him like something fragile, like something that needed my protection, but you know what they say… Old habits die hard.

I quickly sliced the pad of my left index finger then used my best serene, motherly tone saying, "See? Just red blood… And the need of a good Band-Aid."

"But… How…? How are you here?" He stammered as slipped his knife back into his pocket.

I frowned as I sucked my fingertip while he stepped forward and explained in a hushed tone, "Because I sort of… accidentally… overheard someone offering Dean their condolences because you were…" His eyes shot up to the bartender's back so he mouthed the word 'dead' to finish his statement.

"Hey… This guy bugging you?" Rex asked with a chuckle as he passed me a Band-Aid from a First Aid kit that was behind the bar when he noticed that I was bleeding. Thankfully he hadn't been paying close attention to us, so he hadn't heard our exchange and really didn't seem to know how I had injured myself.

I shook my head with my finger in my mouth then extracted it to bandage it as I replied, "No, it's fine. We just had a misunderstanding between friends is all. Why don't you grab him a beer on me?"

The bartender just nodded and filled my order then left us alone once again. I picked up my glass and beer bottle nodding towards a table away from the bar. I knew that I needed to find out more about what he had overheard while he was with Dean, but I didn't really want my interrogation to be publically consumed just yet.

Once he was settled and looked less likely to pass out I stared him down then sternly asked, "How were you able to overhear that Garth?"

He smiled and instantly looked younger than he was replying, "Oh I didn't mean to at all… But you know how accidents happen when you're working a job with someone."

I choked on my mouthful of beer and Garth jumped to his feet to pat me on the back then rubbed it comfortingly until I was breathing more normally. "You…? You were…? You…? You worked a job…? With…? With Dean?"

"Yep," he answered as he took an almost dainty sip from his beer bottle. He turned his eyes towards the charred remains of the Devil's Trap on the floor and smiled brightly saying, "We stopped a demon that was making deals here in town."

Luckily I wasn't drinking during this reply, but I still temporarily lost my ability to breathe all the same. I stared at him, completely at a loss for words while he continued to drink his beer slowly. Once I had finally caught up with my racing mind I asked, "Wait… You…? You guys stopped a demon…? Together? Okay… Okay… Then where's Dean right now?"

He shrugged then nonchalantly replied, "He left town with Sam… I guess they were heading out to another job."

"Oh… Alright… Well then why are you still here?" I asked while completely forgetting to ask the whereabouts of Sam's spouse in this scenario.

He didn't answer me but looked beyond me to someone that had just come through the doorway instead. Both of our eyes followed the petite, shy-looking blonde's path towards a bar stool once I realized he wasn't going to talk just yet. It was almost as if she could feel our eyes on her because she slowly turned her head to look at us (in a way I think she thought was a discreet manner) over her shoulder.

Garth had completely perked up at the sight of her and I couldn't help but smile when I realized that I had my answer. Her demeanor brightened as well when her eyes landed on the skinny man sitting across from me and she immediately diverted her previous course towards the bar for one to our table.

"Garth! I thought that you left town when Sam and Dean left," she exclaimed cheerfully before she had actually reached our table.

I nearly stood up to give them some privacy until he replied, "Well Becky, I almost did… But then I wanted to double check everything was okay with you after they decided to skip town."

My head whipped around to stare at her as I questioned through my new confusion, "Becky? As in Becky Rosen?"

Her narrowed slightly as she studied my face as if she was trying to figure out how she should know me. When she couldn't put a name to my face she skeptically replied, "Maybe… Well it depends… Who are you?"

"Oh! Right you two haven't met yet," Garth answered without noticing the tension that was mounting between me and Becky. "Becky this is Addy…"

He didn't get a chance to finish his introduction because Becky's eyes went comically wide with recognition as he excitedly shrieked, "Addy! Like THE Addy Jones?"

She then leapt forward and hugged me enthusiastically. I patted her back a couple of times replying with a meek sounding, "Well it's usually just 'Addy Jones' without a 'the' in for of it, but yeah… I guess that's me."

After she released me, Becky was still smiling brightly as she hurriedly explained, "Oh right… Sorry… It's just that I've read all about you in Chuck's books. You know… About how it was you that Dean dreamt about settling down with and starting a family in 'Dream a Little Dream' and how you tried to get Dean out of his deal but got hurt so badly that you just barely made it to Bobby's place and you never told Dean about it because you had cut him out of your life completely… Even though no one really knows why you would do that because you both seemed pretty hung up on each other even after you broke things off with him… BUT you DID try to warn him that one time with Gordon Walker… And…"

I gripped her arm tightly and then gave her a gentle shake like I had with Toby whenever he started to speak so quickly that none of us could get a word in edgewise. I was unconsciously beaming by the time that she started to trail off then I chuckled as I said, "Yeah… That all does sound like me… And since you seem to know so much about us, I assume that mean I was right and that makes you my new sister-in-law?"

Her eyes somehow managed to widen even further as she replied, "You and Dean got married?"

"Oh no… Not… Not really," I mumbled as I gently pulled my left hand out of her grasp before I twisted my wedding band out of nervous habit. "We haven't made it as official as you and Sam have or anything."

"Oh…" She blushed and shied away while holding her left hand unconsciously. "Well it isn't so official or anything now."

I could see that there was no ring on her left ring finger before I looked over at Garth who had a sad, sympathetic look on his face. His eyes were trained only on the woman in front of me and when I looked back at her, I saw that she was still blushing while looking towards Garth out of the corner of her eye. I wasn't sure what was happening between the two of them, but I was more than ready to hazard a guess and was confident that I was right.

"Hey Becky? Would you mind giving Garth and I a moment alone? Uhh… Order whatever you want and tell Rex to put it on my tab, okay?" She scowled then turned her attention towards Garth. He nodded then she whispered an 'Okay' and retreated to the bar. Once I was sure that she was out of earshot, I turned to Garth and in a low incensed tone said, "Garth, tell me that you are not thinking of hooking up with the chick that somehow tricked Sam into marrying her." He squirmed uncomfortably, but I could tell that it wasn't necessarily solely from my admonishing him. My eyes narrowed as my voice got dangerously lower as I asked, "What did she do Garth? Was it a spell? Did she…?"

"It was a potion," he replied without making eye contact. "The demon that was making deals here in town gave her a potion…"

I stared at him then shook my head saying, "A love potion? And you…? Garth! Seriously?" I stole a look at Becky over my shoulder. She was chatting with the bartender and wasn't paying any attention to Garth and me which help me to calm down a minute amount. I took in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly before turning back to the hunter. "Alright… Fine… Whatever… But… Garth if you like her enough to stay in town then why in the hell were you trying to pick me up?"

He shrugged then answered, "I wanted to practice on someone before she got here. Plus…" He finally turned his eyes up but didn't quite meet mine and he still didn't sound any more confident as he said, "Plus someone once told me that girls seem to be irrationally attracted to unavailable guys."

I blushed and couldn't help but laugh softly. "Right… And I swear that that was really good advice back then… And is still true… Garth… Since you trusted me then, please trust me now. She basically drugged Sam to marry him… Come on man, you know those aren't the actions of a sane woman. Seriously, you deserve better than that Garth… And… Well… Okay, even if you're convinced that she's the one for you, she's on the rebound right now. She isn't ready to treat you like you deserve to be treated."

He finally made eye contact with me and smiled shyly. "Really? You really think that's true Addy?"

"Yes Garth, it is," I replied truthfully. He looked from me to Becky so I gently gripped his hand across the table and softly instructed. "My unsolicited advice? Go call Bobby or someone else; find a hunt or two… Or twenty… If you still think that she's the one for you, come back here after that. If it's meant to be then she'll still be here waiting for you. And don't be worried… You go now and I'll smooth everything over with her for you, alright?"

He gave it a brief moment of contemplation then nodded as he stood up, but he still had a look of uncertainty clouding his face. I stood up as well and took in a slow, deep breath before I walked over to his side of the table. I pulled him into what I hoped was a comforting hug and he pressed my torso even closer to him as he issued a relieved sigh.

After we let each other go, he quietly said, "For what it's worth Addy, he really misses you… Not that he told me that or anything, but I could tell from how he… was… and I'm sorry… I really wish I knew where he was heading to with Sam so that you could meet up with him."

"Thanks Garth, but you don't need to worry about that, I have someone back home that'll help me out with that." He started to turn but hesitated until I added, "Hey, good luck to you. Stay safe out there."

He smiled then replied, "You too Addy."

I watched him to make sure that he actually did leave before attempting to take on my next challenge. Becky was still chatting with Rex as I started to approach her spot and I stood still for a moment to watch them. Suddenly I wasn't sure what I really wanted to say to the woman that had been so obsessed with Sam that she would turn to using black magic to get her way. For that I just wanted to scream at her about her stupidity and about how dangerous it was to just dabble into magic when you didn't really know what you were doing. But the longer I watched her, the more my anger started to melt away. She looked so obliviously innocent that I had a feeling that my yelling at her would yield the same results as it had with Toby or Garth; I would have strained vocal chords and she would be so scared of me that she wouldn't be able to hear anything that I was saying let alone register the seriousness of my words.

As I moved to the stool at her right side, Rex smiled then started to retreat from the bar instinctively sensing that this wasn't a conversation that required an audience. Before he could get away too far, I quickly asked, "Hey Rex? Any chance you could scare us up an order of wings and fries to go with our drinks?"

"Coming right up," he replied with a smile and a wink.

Becky continued drinking her brightly colored cocktail while I placed my order and settled myself onto the stool. I took a large gulp of beer to prepare myself before speaking and was surprised that I felt like I actually knew what I wanted to say to her.

As I turned to speak, I thought that I overheard Becky saying something, but it was so quiet that it was practically inaudible. She then faced me, wiped a tear away and repeated, "How did you do it Addy? How did you make Dean fall in love with you?"

I passed her a napkin from the pile that Rex had placed on the bar with my order then replied almost sadly, "Oh Becky, please don't… don't compare yourself to me… Really this thing between Dean and I… It's a hell of a lot more complicated than it looks."

"But he loves you and you love him," she stated without hiding her confusion at my lack of enthusiasm. "Doesn't that mean that you two are meant for each other or something?"

I dipped a fry in ketchup and chuckled at how accurate she was without even being aware of it. "Yeah… More than you know… But Becky? Just because you love someone and they return those feelings… it… it doesn't mean that everything is going to be easy and you are going to live happily ever after. I swear, sometimes it feels like it sometimes makes things even harder."

She gave me a knowing smile then said, "Well that's probably because you two are so much alike. You know how to push each other's buttons so easily… God I wish I had that."

I couldn't help myself and I reached over to squeeze one of her hands. I maintained my hold on it as she continued, "Plus you both know the truth about the job and think that being apart from each other will somehow make the possibility of losing each other forever easier, but it's really just been hurting yourselves even more." She beamed at the stunned look at my face. "I dated the author of the books, so I got to read everything, even the parts that were never published."

"Really? Well… That's just his interpretation of the situation Becky… Besides that's all in the past…" I replied staring at my beer bottle. "I'm trying to just focus on the future that I can create with him now." Once the words left my mouth, my head whipped around and I more repentantly said, "And now that I've made it all about me… Becky…? Take my word; being in love with someone isn't going to magically solve all of your problems. You're a beautiful, intelligent, albeit sometimes misguided, woman… You shouldn't determine your worth by the guy that you're with… He should be doing that with you."

Her smile shifted and started to less sad and more genuine as she questioned, "You really think that?"

"I really do Becky." I stood up then pulled out four twenty dollar bills and added, "You have nothing but choices in front of you… Just be careful and make the right ones, okay?"

Her lips curved into a softer smile as she nodded then I turned to leave even though I didn't really know where I was heading out to this time. By the time that I made it to Delaware, I had traveled almost clear across the country twice without gaining anything but mileage on the odometer of my GTO. Right now I was starting to feel like I was chasing a ghost when I was supposed to be one myself. But I couldn't find it in myself to fight my true nature. I was a hunter and chasing ghosts was just a small part of the job description. Plus if Dean Winchester was a ghost, he was one I was happy to chase around the world if it came down to that.


	27. I Know I Let You Down Again and Again

"Toby! Toby! You really need to slow down Buddy," I nearly shouted into my phone as I leaned against my GTO in the lot of an empty rest area. "I don't think that I've been able to catch a single word that you've said since I answered the phone. Now just take a deep breath and try that again." I could tell that he was still hyperventilating so I more sternly commanded (in the hopes that it would help him to focus faster), "Toby! Deep breath!"

I then heard him force in a couple of slow, deep breaths before he more calmly replied, _"Sorry… Sorry. Okay… They were all on a job together in New Jersey and something happened… I… I think it's bad…"_ His more relaxed demeanor started to crumble, but he managed not to sob or get overly excited again as he finished, _"They're at the hospital now."_

"Hospital?" I asked absentmindedly. "What…? Who…?"

" _I don't know,"_ he responded sadly. _"When Sam finally answered his phone, he just said that there were at the Hammonton Regional Hospital. I'm sorry… I tried to find out more but he was in too much of a hurry to tell me anything other than where they were. I'm sorry… I swear I tried to find out but now he isn't answering his phone."_

I just barely caught myself against the hood of my car when the realization of what Toby's statement meant hit me. Sam was the only one that had answered Toby's call. Toby had always tried calling Dean then Sam then Bobby and then back to Dean and through the list again in the same order until one of the three of them answered the phone if he had information for them on a job. If Sam was the one that had finally been able to tell Toby that they were at the hospital, it was more than likely that Dean was the reason that they had rushed to the hospital while they were in the middle of a hunt.

Panic wanted to overtake me fast and hard, but I managed no to completely succumb to my fear. It could be Dean, but there was still an off-chance that it was Bobby who was the patient who we needed to keep in our prayers right now. For a brief moment I felt the sharp pain in my chest ease up enough to take in a few deep breaths. But almost as soon as relief started to wash over me, guilt overshadowed it. Yes Dean might be okay, but then we could be losing Bobby instead. Bobby our rock, Bobby back bone… Bobby our everything we needed whenever we needed it, even if it wasn't what we thought we needed at that moment in time. There wasn't an event in my life (that he had been told about) that he hadn't helped me work through in order to come out stronger on the other side. After my Mum was killed, I had fallen into a deep depression and as a result for a while I had seriously considered leaving hunting forever. Most everyone else hadn't offered me any advice or opinion other than the fact that they would support me in any decision that I finally made, most everyone except for Bobby. When I somewhat flippantly told him that I was contemplating working on the farm with Bill full-time, Bobby just stared at me while he waited for me to tell him that I was just joking, but I didn't. Hell I didn't even crack a smile. When he realized that I might be serious, he yelled at me and told me that I was being stupid. He even told me that he would be willing to take me out back and beat the melancholy out of me if he thought it would do some good. That made me crack a faint smile and he eventually was able to get me out of my funk. He then proceeded to test me on everything he thought that I should have learned up until that point over the next week while I stayed with him and wouldn't let me leave until I had proved to him that I could (and wanted) to survive. When everyone else had coddled me and handled me with the same care you would use on fine China, Bobby was willing to give me then kick in the ass as well as the brutal honesty that I needed to get myself back on the right track.

"Oh… God… No," I whispered to myself as my conflicting emotions of relief and debilitating fear fought for dominance.

" _Addy? Addy?"_ Toby repeated as his voice got louder with every syllable. _"Addy? Did you hear anything that I just said to you?"_

I was beyond grateful that he couldn't see me during this conversation because of the embarrassed blush that spread over the skin of my cheeks and neck. "I'm sorry Buddy, I missed it all. Would you mind repeating what you just said?"

There's no way for me to be certain, but I'm sure that Toby could hear the tears I was fighting off in my tone, so instead of good-naturedly reprimanding me like he had always done in the past, Toby replied almost cautiously, _"I was just saying that… Uhh… I was figuring that you'd be pretty worried no matter who's hurt, so I could… I mean only if you wanted… I could try to keep in touch with Sam to get updates so that you can just focus on driving."_ He paused to take a deep breath then added, _"Then I'll call you with any news… Well only the really important stuff so that way you won't have to worry too much unless…"_

"I hear from you," I finished with a soft tone of disbelief. "Buddy I can't believe how much thought you've put into this."

You could almost hear him giving me the innocent school boy 'Aw shucks' look as he said, _"It's really no big deal Addy. I just want to do what I can to help you."_

"It is a big deal Toby, it really is... You've matured so much and you should be proud of the man that you've become because I sure as hell am…" I could almost see his uncomfortable squirming as I spoke, but I didn't acknowledge it or change what I wanted to say to him. "And I really do appreciate your help and everything that you've done… And… As much as I love talking with you, I hope that I don't hear from you too soon."

Toby chuckled sadly then replied, _"Given the circumstances, I hope that I don't have to call you anytime soon either."_

Neither of us could bring ourselves to say 'Good bye' or even another 'I love you' because it just felt like a reminder that it could be our last. Normally I didn't like encouraging any deception unless it was directly related to a job that I was working, but right at that moment I was more than happy to let us embrace the lie that we were telling ourselves. Until I got to the hospital there was no way for me to know who was hurt or how badly, so it would be easier for me to close the distance between here and there if I could just block those thoughts any way that I could (although right now I would have been just as content to just ignore them altogether for the foreseeable future). Of course the thought that I was trying to avoid the most was that once I got to the hospital there still wasn't much that I could actually do to change anyone's fate. If someone was dying, it wasn't like I could ride in there with a miracle cure or jump straight in to offer any of them moral support, right? I guess that I could offer a strong shoulder once I was able to convince Sam and whoever else was still conscious that I was in fact actually me. Toby told me that he had an almost fool proof plan to help out with me confirming my identity to the guys and he remained confident that it would work, even though he hadn't gone into detail about it with me. I didn't quite share his confidence that it would be easy to convince them, but there were just too many things that could go wrong between now and then that I wasn't able to focus on any one worry to obsess about on the drive, which in the end was a bit of a mixed blessing.

I easily mapped out a route to New Jersey and made sure that I didn't give myself enough of a reprieve to fixate on why I needed to get there as soon as humanly possible. As I drove, I couldn't help but check my phone to see if Toby had called me with any news. For the most part I was happy that he hadn't because it most likely meant that nothing else horrible had happened, but there was another part of me that just really wanted to hear his voice for a small measure of comfort. I had thought about calling him so that he could give me a pep talk, but in the end I knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to do it. For one, Toby would instantly get annoyed with me for calling him instead of just concentrating on the road while I drove. For another, he was still technically a kid and he had already taken on too much responsibility when it came to ensure all of our happiness (especially mine). I was the adult and even though I was no longer going to be playing the role of 'Mum' to him, I had to remember that the natural order was for me to be the one that he ran to for comfort and not the other way around so I wasn't going to allow myself to revert back to leaning on him for moral support right now.

By the time I reached the parking lot of the Hammonton Regional Hospital I had stopped for a short nap so that I would be feeling as alert as I could to deal with the day. I still didn't have any more details about who the patient was or the nature of their injuries, so I stared at the red and white sign above the door and silently scolded myself because I had no clue if I was parking by the right part of the hospital. The trauma center seemed like the most logical place to start my search, but I couldn't afford to waste any more time so I broke down and called Toby to double check if he had been able to find out where the guys were in medical center.

" _Hey Addy,"_ he said hesitantly when he answered the phone. _"So…? How bad is it?"_

I fought the urge to laugh nervously before I more somberly answered, "I don't know yet Buddy. I literally just got here, but I need to double check something with you if you can spare a second."

" _Of course I can,"_ he replied instantly. _"How can I help?"_

"Well I'm…" I stated instinctively scanning the area for any potential threats or clues even though I didn't foresee finding any. As we spoke, my eyes landed on a shiny, black town car that a small group of people was gathered by the rear passenger door. I couldn't help but wonder who was so important that they had attracted such a crowd and then as if they heard my silent inquiry, the crowd parted like the Red Sea to reveal a woman standing beside the open window of the car. She was taking something from the person inside and then took a step away to reveal the smiling face of the man inside. I threw my body down over the center console towards the passenger seat as I breathed out a surprised and terrified, "Oh shit!"

" _Addy? Addy? What's happened now?"_ Toby shouted in a mild panic in response to hearing my fear.

I forced myself to slow my breathing to calm myself down so that I could try to reply in such a way that he wouldn't worry any more than he needed to right now, but I couldn't help but focus on my own racing thoughts. "Oh my God it's him… Why is he here? Does he have something to do with the guys being here? Oh shit! Are there more of them here?"

" _Who Addy? Who's there?"_ Toby yelled sounding like it wasn't the first or second time that he was asking me those questions. _"Addy? Who is it?"_

Before I could stop myself I answered, "Dick Roman."

" _Oh… My… God…"_ Toby gasped in a tone echoing my earlier astonishment. _"Did he see you? Do you see…? Umm… The… Uhh…"_

The uncertainty of Toby's tone helped me to come back to myself and recover nearly completely. I shifted slightly so that I was more comfortable while still laying down without being seen from outside my car and answered, "Hey Buddy it's okay. I think that I was able to hide before he had a chance to see me. And no, there's no sign of Edgar at all."

" _Why is he there?"_ He asked in a quiet, controlled voice.

"That's a good question," I replied as I snuck a peak out the windshield to see Dick's car pulling out of the parking lot. "And once I find the guys I'll be sure to ask them if they know anything about it at all, okay?"

" _Okay… Okay… But are you safe…? I mean with him being there and all?"_

I inadvertently laughed before responding, "Yes I'll be fine Toby. It looks like he's left so maybe him being here has nothing to do with why we're here, right?"

" _Right,"_ Toby agreed without sounding overly convinced that that reasoning was the truth. _"Right. Well anyway be careful and I'll talk to you soon. Oh! And don't forget, I have everything figured out to prove that you're you to Sam and… Uhh… To everyone."_

"I didn't forget. Thanks again Tobs."

After I had my phone tucked into my back pocket, I checked my reflection in the rear view mirror. I hadn't put on much makeup earlier in the day, so I didn't have to worry about touching it up beyond putting on some lip balm. As I stepped out of my car, I looked down the length of my body and sighed softly. Dark denim jeans, sneakers and a deep purple short sleeved polo shirt wasn't exactly the most eye catching outfit I owned, but I was too nervous when I dressed to try to find something else to wear. Plus the three men I was searching out had all seen me when I looked less put together than I did right now, so dressing to impress didn't have to be high on my list of priorities.

It wasn't until I reached the front doors that I realized that I had forgotten to ask Toby if I was actually in the right spot or not. If Dick Roman had hurt any of the guys then I was more than certain that this was the right place for me to be. But if it was just a coincidence that he was here at the same hospital where one of them was being treated… Huh, coincidences and monsters had never meshed in the past so I opened the door feeling even more confident that I was on the right track. And then I saw it.

Immediately to the left of the entrance was the directory for the hospital and its glass had been completely shattered. Near the center of the impact there was a small amount of blood which led me to believe that someone had punched the glass to cause this much damage. I extended my arm out to measure where I would hit the glass if I was to punch it, but at my height I would have come up more than a few inches short. As I mimed another punch, I laughed softly because deep down I just seemed to know who the blood would belong to if it was tested.

"I'm sorry, but can I help you Miss?" A deep baritone voice questioned behind me.

I turned around quickly and gripped my left wrist with my right hand as I replied, "Yes… Well actually I hope that you can. I'm looking for the man who caused this damage. Do you know where I might be able to find him right now?"

He straightened his tie and then tugged at his blazer anxiously before bending down slightly to quietly say, "Look Officer, I'm sorry that someone has wasted your time by asking you to look into this incident but we won't be pressing any charges. I spoke with my employee about his inappropriate timing in discussing organ donation with the next of kin and he agreed that he was most likely out of line. We all concluded that that caused this angry outburst and all parties have also agreed to stay separated, so I don't see any point in making matters worse for the family than they already are."

I resisted the urge to laugh at his assumption that I was an officer from some branch of law enforcement who was here in plain clothes and somehow kept my face neutral saying, "Oh… I wasn't aware of that arrangement… But I would still like to cover all of my bases and speak with both parties. You know just so that no one can change their minds in the future and possibly file a suit against the hospital."

"Sue the hospital?" He questioned sounding like he hadn't considered that to be a possibility. He gripped my upper arm in a tight, uncomfortable grasp then leaned in closer to me asking, "No one has been talking about suing anyone have they?" I stared at his hand and raised a questioning eyebrow causing him to quickly release my arm and whisper, "I'm sorry Ma'am."

I took a step back and pointedly rubbed my arm as I replied, "No sir, no one has mentioned a lawsuit, but wouldn't you feel better if someone was able to get that on the record…? Officially?"

"Right… Yes… Yes having it officially on the record would be very… advantageous," he replied in a ramble before standing up straight and composing himself. "I'm not one hundred percent sure where he went after I spoke with him, but since his uncle was being rushed to surgery, he's most likely in the private waiting room by the O.R."

"Surgery?" I hoarsely questioned before clearing my throat loudly to more confidently ask, "I mean, may I inquire as to why his uncle is being rushed to surgery? I… I just want to be properly prepared so that I don't say or do the wrong thing and make matters worse and all."

"Of course, of course," he said as his suspicion bled out of his facial expression. "Mr. Singer came in with a bullet embedded above his right eye, more specifically in the upper frontal bone of his skull. From what I could gather it appears to have been the result of a hunting accident, but…" Suddenly his grave tone sounded less somber. "But no one has had the heart to question his family any deeper about the accident. Maybe when you're speaking with him you could…?"

When he trailed off I smiled warmly and said, "I'll try my best because just like yourself I want nothing more than the truth. Now… If you'll point me in the direction of that waiting room?"

"Right, of course," he replied as he stood up even straighter and pointed down the hall. "Follow this hallway, turn right and it's the third door on the left."

I whispered a quick 'Thank you' and then forced myself not to run in the direction that he had told me I needed to go. As I rounded the corner, his words sunk in and the realization of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. It was Bobby who had been admitted to the hospital. Bobby was the one I might be losing forever. Once that thought formed completely in my mind I stopped cold in my tracks. A couple of nurses gave me a weird questioning look, so I tried to compose myself as much as possible, but nearly failed. I then rushed towards the door of the women's restroom in the hopes that they would assume that I was just another distraught family member who was worried about someone in their care.

By the time I reached a sink, I was hyperventilating and held little hope that I would be able to catch my breath before I found Sam and Dean. I gripped the sides of the porcelain of a sink and just stared at my chagrinned reflection. There didn't seem to be much point in fighting my feelings, so I just looked into my eyes as tears spilled out of them and down both of my cheeks.

 _Bobby… Bobby was shot in the head… In the fucking head…_ I repeated in my mind over and over as the tears flowed with a renewed vigor. I allowed myself a few painful sobs before I stumbled into a stall and pulled off a long line of toilet paper. After I dabbed away the moisture off my cheeks and neck and blew my nose, I turned on the cold water faucet to splash some water on my face. When I looked at my reflection again I was thankful that I hadn't put on all that much makeup because it meant that there wasn't much to ruin on my face to make me look like a stupidly sad clown or something.

 _Okay_ I thought resolutely to myself. _Now you know without a doubt that it's Bobby who's fighting for his life. Fine… FINE! Get over it. Sam and Dean were there and are having to deal with it too so get over it! You aren't the only damn one that's hurting right now for fuck's sake. Come on, get it together._ As I was scolding myself I pulled my phone out to type out a text message to Toby saying, "IT'S BOBBY. HE'S IN SURGERY NOW."

I didn't pay much more attention to my message to Toby because I figured that it had enough information and detail in it that Toby would have a better idea of what was happening without me needing to call and get into everything more in depth right now. Once I saw that the message had successfully sent, I stared at my face again to get myself further under control. Toby knew the truth, I knew some of what was happening, the worst of it was out there, and now all I needed to do was confront Dean and Sam. In my head it sounded that easy, all I had to do was walk out the door behind me and through the one just down the hall to finally find them. Toby was more than certain that he had a fool proof plan to prove to the Winchesters that I wasn't some supernatural creature, but I still hesitated before I turned the knob on the door in front of me.

Once I pushed the door open, the first face that I saw was Sam's. He was seated on a couch with his head in his hands, but he didn't do much more than gawk in my direction as I stepped through the doorway and closed the door quickly behind me. I smiled brightly in his direction and he shook his head vigorously. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself from saying anything when his phone started to vibrate. He pulled it out to answer it just as my eyes landed on Dean's slumped figure where he sat on a table top against the wall.

I sort of heard Sam's voice when he answered it and his brother seemed to put himself on high alert as soon as he heard Sam say, "Hey Toby…" I stayed cemented in my place while Sam continued his conversation and then Dean's eyes connected with my own.

Before I had a chance to notice any change in the younger Winchester's demeanor, Dean was looming over me so I worriedly said, "Dean?"

Without saying a word, Dean whipped the door behind me open and forcefully pulled me through it into the hallway. I tried to get his attention, but he ignored all of my efforts as he tugged on my arm down the hallway to a door with a small placard that read "SUPPLY CLOSET". A few hospital workers that noticed us seemed to look the other way when they noticed that it was Dean who was pulling a stunned woman into a closet, which didn't surprise me at all.

I wasn't sure how I felt about their indifference and before I could verbally protest, Dean threw me up against the now closed door and mashed his mouth painfully onto mine. As much as the thought of a hot make out session with Dean appealed to me, I still fruitlessly tried to talk to him while Dean nearly fed at my lips which in turn meant that I was kissing him back at a weird uncomfortable pace.

Dean finally pulled back and placed his forehead against mind as he huffed out, "No… Shh…"

My hands landed hard on Dean's shoulders as he nipped at my neck after pulling the buttons of the neck of my shirt open. I tried to verbally reply but those words just turned into unintelligible moans as his tongue and lips caressed my throat and scarred collarbone as his hands moved to open the button and fly of my jeans. He continued to bite and kiss my neck as he pushed my jeans and sensible cotton briefs down my thighs. For some reason he froze when I let out a lust filled, "Dean… Yes… Yes…"

He quickly recovered then cupped his palms over the cheeks of my buttocks, lifted me off the ground and nearly threw me up against a wire metal shelving unit on the other side of the small room. My words then turned into a flurry half pained, half aroused noises as he started to hit my back into the sharp metal over and over.

Dean didn't pay attention to the fact that I might be uncomfortable or that I might want to protest this course of action as he simultaneously pulled my pants and underwear to my knees while thrusting his still jean covered groin into mine that was completely bare. I issued another inarticulate, satisfied noise as Dean shifted my garments to my ankles so that he could get the leverage he needed to thrust the full length of his painfully hard erection into my awaiting warmth.

"Dean… Dean…" I mumbled softly in an unending loop as he plunged himself fully to the hilt inside me. When he didn't move beyond that, I awkwardly hitched my legs higher up over his hip bones to pull him impossibly closer. When he hit a spot inside of me that made pleasure spread through my body, I completely ignored any pain or unease and moaned out a long, "Yes… Dean…There… Please…"

As soon as I said his name loud enough for him to hear it, Dean clamped a hard hand over my mouth to silence me as he replied, "No… No… Not her… No…"

When what he said hit my ears, I tried my best to reply but then my words were lost to my feelings of euphoria and I lost my ability to speak. I ended up with my legs wrapped around his lower back, my ankles effectively handcuffed by my jeans, so that he couldn't pull himself too far away on the backward slide of each thrust. My shirt started to ride up and I could feel my back scraping on a shelf so I tried to wrap my left arm around part of the shelving unit but it hurt too much so I used my right arm instead to anchor me and Dean then started to pound himself into me with more ease.

"No… Not her…" He repeated almost angrily. My jaw went slack as I just took what Dean was willing to give my body. His mouth found my neck as his hips continued their bruising pace. He bit and sucked a bruise on my flesh while I cried out quietly as my first orgasm hit me surprisingly quickly.

Dean worked me through my first climax roughly then brought me to my second as his thrusts stuttered as he reached his first. My right hand slipped slightly as I tried to keep myself steady against the metal at my back while the palm of my left hand made a home near the nape of Dean's neck. Dean for the most part didn't seem to notice what I was doing beyond my somewhat passive acceptance of the harsh rhythm that Dean decided on as soon as he touched me.

Long after he had removed his bruising grip over my mouth, which nearly caused me to cut my lip on my teeth, I understood that Dean didn't seem to want to hear me call out his name as loudly as I could. His name turned into a soft drawn out multi-syllable "Deeeean" until his mouth covered my own while his midsection continued to stab painfully into me. Unexpectedly, I was on the cusp of my third orgasm when his rhythm finally stuttered enough to be more pleasant and I could feel his body seize up under the weight of his own. Dean nearly slammed his head against my chest and growled out some word or phrase that I couldn't understand once I finally felt him allow himself his release. I was finding it hard to catch my breath so I didn't even try to praise him verbally and decided to just pet his head with my functioning right hand instead.

My mind was coming out of its euphoric haze and I could feel minor aches and pains all over my body in response to the tortuously rough treatment it had just received. As I moved my hand back and forth over the back of Dean's head, the pain radiating from my left elbow started to over shadow anything else that I had previously been feeling. It didn't seem to matter if I was moving it or not to keep the pain from pulsing up and down my arm, but I still chose to err on the side of caution and kept it still until I had a chance to survey the damage properly and find out how badly I was injured in the hopes that the pain just wouldn't get any worse.

Dean caught his breath first and he started saying something into my shirt where his head still rested. Before I had a chance to question what he was saying, Dean's head shot up. For a brief, fleeting moment he looked like he might cry but then his jaw quickly set into a hard line. He tried to take a step away from me, but my jeans were still around my ankles, meaning that he was effectively trapped between my legs, but I did drop my hands to my sides in response to the angry look on his face.

"Okay," he started with a low rumble as he awkwardly stepped over the fence of cloth to back away from me while he also tucked himself back into his pants. "You've had your fun, now pick a different face."

I could feel my confusion showing on my face as I tried to lightheartedly joke, "Sorry Dean but this is the only face that I have… I guess we're kind of stuck with it."

He sneered at my response so angrily that I almost jumped backwards, but with the shelves still behind me I had nowhere to go. His chest started to rise and fall rapidly as he huffed in a few enraged breaths and he seemed to be too incensed to actually speak. I swallowed hard while trying to decide what I should say next. I held his stare for as long as I could but it was so uncomfortable that I dropped my eyes to stare at my feet while I waited for him to reply. As soon as I looked down, I noticed that I was still partially undressed. I had never really felt uneasy about being naked around Dean, but for some reason right then I wanted nothing more than to be fully clothed.

The pain in my left arm had been completely forgotten up until the moment I reached down to pull up my pants and it screamed at me for the rapidity of that movement. "Fuck… Fuck…" I cursed quietly under my breath as I gripped my elbow with my right hand. That seemed like a good idea before I executed it, but my left elbow had been so badly chaffed on the metal of the shelves that when my palm it the cut a new hot wave of pain ran up and down the full length of my arm. "Oh… Shit… Fuck…"

Dean didn't move while he watched me inspect my wound. I sighed loudly with relief once I could finally see the cut because it didn't look like it was too serious and it should have been more than an easy fix compared to most of the injuries we've had to patch up on a job. Dean's eyes just darted from my bloody arm to my face and back as they grew wider and his mouth fell open in what I thought was a stunned silence.

"Hey… No worries Dean. This'll just take a second to fix up and I'm pretty sure it won't be too hard to find a band aid here," I said with a soft chuckle as I idly gestured around the room filled with medical supplies.

He continued to stare at me in wide eyed horror while I turned to find some gauze and tape to patch myself up. As I predicted the supplies were more than easy to find. I eagerly ripped into a package but was stopped mid-motion by a hand that gripped my arm just under the new damage.

Dean ran his thumb over the cut causing me to hiss in a breath in an attempt to ignore the pain that motion caused the best that I could. When I turned around to face him, he was rubbing the blood between his thumb and index finger with a thoughtful scowl on his face. I kept myself from reaching out to him so that he could process everything at his own pace. He then looked up at my face from his hand and I could have sworn that I saw tears brimming his eyes.

"Your… It's… it's… red," he stuttered out quietly. "Lay?"

I smiled softly and nodded as I choked back my own onslaught of tears saying, "Yeah Dean, it's me."

I took a tentative step forward and finally tried to reach out to him like I had been wanting to since he stumbled out of my embrace. Dean nearly jumped back a foot then wiped my blood off of his hand onto his jeans as he continued to stagger away from me. I started to take another step forward but stopped myself when he just kept shaking his head from side to side rapidly.

"No… No… Lay…You… She wouldn't have let me… Let me pretty much…" Before he finished his thought, he abruptly turned around and rushed out of the room.

I stared at the spot that Dean had vacated while I tried to connect the dots to a conclusion that made some sense in my head. I had expected some level of distrust or disbelief from Dean, but this reaction made absolutely no sense to me at all. We had just had a round of some of the most intense love making that we'd had ever shared together and yet he wasn't here with me basking in the afterglow. What had him so spooked?

"He's probably still freaking out about Bobby," I reasoned to myself aloud as I bandaged my wound. "And I'd bet anything that he hasn't had a decent night's sleep in the last couple of days."

At the door of the waiting room, I stood and stare at it feeling strangely self-conscious even I though I had tried to talk myself out of that self-doubt on my short walk to this room. By now Sam should have been finished his conversation with Toby, so he would know the truth about me, but how was he going to react?

"Only one way to find out Girly Girl," I whispered to myself as I opened the door slowly.

Once inside I was confronted with the image of an anxious looking Sam who was watching Dean while he was pacing in a tight circle saying insistently into the phone, "No, but Toby how do you know that THIS is her? I mean couldn't something have happened to her between then and now…? I mean because there's no way that she would let… She wouldn't…"

The fingers of Dean's free hand seemed to be trying to iron out the worry lines on his forehead between his eyes while he listened to the teen's response. Toby mustn't have been saying what Dean needed to hear because the older male continued to stalk in his tight circle while his fingers raked over his skin while he continued to plead something into the phone that was too quiet for me to overhear.

The sound of the door clicking closed or a floor board settling under my feet must have alerted the Winchesters to my presence because Dean froze in his place and Sam sat up straighter in his spot on the couch while they both turned to face me. Dean terminated his phone conversation so abruptly that he must have cut Toby off mid-sentence, however he didn't seem to pay his rudeness much mind. Sam's head just moved from side to side while he looked between the two of us and any time his mouth opened, he quickly closed it without uttering a word.

Soon enough I found that I had pressed myself against the door, staring into the stunned faces of the Winchester brothers, so I tried my best to break the tension like I would have in the past saying, "Hey guys, long time no see… Wait… Do I have something in my hair?"

As I ran my fingers through the length of my long, brunette locks, Sam laughed quietly and uncomfortably, but Dean's expression just harden as he stepped back and sat down on the table behind him. They both looked like they had seen a ghost and given our backgrounds, I knew that that meant that they were both somewhat freaked out by seeing me again in the flesh for some reason. I silently cursed Toby and his 'fool proof plan' that he managed to never actually describe to me while I tried to remain as still as I possibly could. Since my humorous approach hadn't worked, I figured that I should just wait for one of the guys to make the next move before the tension in the room could rise any higher.

Sam looked over at Dean for direction like he had done a million times in the past, but Dean was just openly gaping at me where I stood almost shaking with fear. Since his brother didn't seem to be giving Sam any indication about how to proceed, the younger Winchester took the initiative and stood up to take a couple of cautious steps towards me. I wanted to be annoyed at his restraint, but then I was painfully reminded of how I had treated him when I first saw him alive after he had gone to Hell to save us. Granted he had no soul but I didn't know that then and I had still irritably called him "It" just to prove the point that I didn't trust him on sight.

He was so tall once he was standing in front of me and I wanted nothing more to jump into his arms and hug him, but I remained still in my spot. He took my left hand into his and then he gingerly raised my arm so that he could see my elbow and said so quietly that I almost couldn't hear it, "Red… You bleed red."

I nodded then whispered back, "I'm not a Leviathan Sam."

He acknowledged my statement with a curt nod as he tenderly placed my left hand onto my right shoulder. To my utmost surprise this was the first position that had completely taken the pressure off of my wound and I finally felt more comfortable. He then led me by my right elbow to the couch where he had been seated to help me sit down and get as comfortable as I could be right now. Neither brother was saying much, which had always unnerved me and I found it kind of creepy that they could both silently move around each other with an easy fluidity when the rest of the world would have had to explain verbally or they'd run the risk of looking completely awkward. Sam exchanged another quick look with Dean once I was completely 'settled' in my seat and then he turned his body to face completely away from me.

In the end I remained as I was on the couch while he walked over to a bag by Dean as he tried to explain with as little emotion in his tone as he could muster, "You're right, that cut does prove that you aren't one of them… But you of all people must know that you have to pass more than one test to prove to us that you are positively human."

I laughed quietly still in my place as Sam pulled out a bottle of what I could only assume was filled with Holy Water because his tone evoked the most vivid case of déjà vu from when I had had to pass similar tests under Toby's watchful eye. As I took the bottle from his steady hand, I tried my best to take all of the humor out of my tone (which was surprisingly hard once I saw the apparent humor in this current predicament) as I said, "And just so we have ALL of our bases cover… Where's the silver knife Sammy?"

Sam gave Dean a stunned look, but the elder Winchester was just watching my even more like a hawk, so he had no answers to give to his brother. As I took in their exchange I wanted to cry but I remained stoic as I said, "Sam? Why don't you reach into Dean's right boot? He always used to carry a silver knife in it."

While they silently debated what I had said, I chugged back the contents of the two liter bottle in my hands. After I swallowed the last mouthful of water, I swiped my good arm over my lips and panted in a few frantic breaths while I looked up Sam's body to his face once again. To his credit, Sam actually appeared to be impressed that I had been able to ingest that much liquid at once as he passed me the opened switch blade.

"Sorry I was parched," I joked weakly through a couple more labored breaths. I had forgotten how guzzling that much liquid in that short a time would affect me and I couldn't have masked the large, long, loud belch that snuck up on me even if I tried before I more politely asked, "So where do you want it?" After I had finally managed to take in a couple of calm breaths, neither of the brothers had answered me, so I laughed before I clarified my statement. "I meant, where should I cut myself? Seriously boys, don't you know by know that if I was a monster that was going to kill you that I would make sure that neither of you would see it coming?"

Sam chuckled nervously and sat down beside me once again. He gently touched my bandage answering, "No sense in having to find more gauze and tape, why not just slice yourself under here?"

I nodded in understanding then passed him the knife, hilt first. He gave me a questioning look, but I seemed to have ignored it as I pulled back the tape before explaining, "The blade just has to touch the open wound and blood, right? This way, if you do it, you won't make it any worse than it has to be… And I won't have yet another nifty new scar."

He took the knife but worriedly asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah… From this angle I might dig it in too deep." I squeezed my eyes tight then tried to sound strong as I said, "Just do it Sam… Please so we can move on, please?"

Every muscle in my body stiffened when he pressed the tip of the knife into the open cut on my arm. It was a complete miracle that I was able to stay completely still as he pressed the knife in father at an excruciatingly slow pace. By the time he was finished probing the wound, my mind was solely focused on controlling my breathing as I forced in a few slow, long, deep breaths through my nose and exhaled them through my mouth. He gently redressed my wound then wrapped his arms around me to pull me into an uncomfortably tight hug. There was no way that I could have moved my arms to reciprocate, so I didn't even try, but I did have to shift the position of my head so that I could breathe more easily.

"You're getting as bad as us with this whole coming back from the dead routine," Sam said as he ran his hand down the length of my hair.

His grip had loosened enough that I could push back on his chest with my good arm so that I could look him in the eye when I smiled and replied, "Except that I technically only died once. You two still have me beat on that front… I just had a little bout of amnesia this time around."

"Amnesia? Mind filling us in about that?" Sam asked as he settled back a little bit away from me on the couch.

I licked my lips nervously as I looked over at Dean to see if there had been any change in his demeanor after seeing that I was in fact human, but for some reason he still looked completely spooked so I hoarsely asked, "Are you sure that you want to get into all of that right now?"

Sam shrugged and without taking his eyes off of me at all answered, "The doctor told us that we can't do anything to help Bobby right now and that we just have to wait it out, so why not fill that time with a story?"

I gave him a weak smile and said, "Umm… Okay… But before I dive into the deep end… Is there any chance that I could harass you guys for a Tylenol or something?"

Sam's eyes landed on my left arm where I was massaging it gently then a thought seemed to hit him hard, "Oh shit! Right… That's new… Of course… Just one…"

As he turned to stand up, Dean handed him a pill bottle over his shoulder. Sam thanked him, but Dean didn't seem to hear it before he announced, "And you'll probably want something to eat… I'll go grab that too."

Before I could protest, Dean had made his way out the door. I gave Sam a worried look to which he replied while taking one of my hands in both of his, "All of this has been a lot to deal with… Plus you know how he is."

I laughed softly then laced our fingers together agreeing, "Yeah, that I most definitely do. So should I wait for him to get back before I start the story or…?"

Sam was running his thumb over my fingers to soothe me and then gave the door a long, considering look. "I say you should start now because I don't think that I can wait. We can just fill him in later."

"Okay… So… Where to start…? Where to start?" I said as I shifted slightly in my seat so that I was facing Sam more comfortably. On my drive to New Jersey I had tried rehearsing how I would tell my story, but I hadn't actually decided on how far back I should go to begin my tale. Part of the reason was that I didn't want to go too far back and remind Dean of the last fight we had been in, but with him gone I didn't have to worry about that, which in a way made a starting point almost harder to find. "Alright… So… I stayed behind at Bobby's while Dean went out to find you after you had disappeared on me. Umm… So I was trying to keep doing research when I realized that I had left a bunch of my books in the car… Uhh… You know from when I got so upset with Dean that I umm…"

Sam squeezed my hand while sympathetically saying, "I remember… That was just before Cas came and found us, right?"

"Yeah, right… Exactly. Okay…" I took in a deep breath and relaxed a bit before continuing, "So I went out to the car and while I was bundling everything to lug it back inside, I heard a couple of cars pull up to the front of the house. I didn't really pay them much attention because I figured it was just you guys, but then I heard glass breaking and I almost went around front to check everything out… But then… I saw like a fireball or something in the house before I heard two men yelling at each other. One of the voices was telling the other to go out back to 'do his part', so I… I ran back to the car, crawled into the trunk and hid from them."

"Wow. So you were there when they torched Bobby's place…" Sam almost muttered in awe.

I nodded and turned my eyes down to my lap guiltily. "Yeah, but since I was alone and I didn't know for sure how many of them were there…"

"Hey, I wasn't criticizing Addy," Sam interrupted me while squeezing my knee. Once I looked back up into his face, he smiled warmly and said, "I was just thinking that if you hadn't have thought fast and hid from them then we probably would have really lost you this time. But let's not dwell on that. What happened after that?"

"Well I stayed squished in the trunk until they stopped yelling and waited until the sound of the fire had died down… When I finally ventured to take a look at the damage, it was completely dark out so I figured that if any of them were still there while I checked things out that I could just run into the junk yard and use the night to help me hide again."

"Sounds like a good plan," he encouraged when I paused for longer than just a breath again.

"Yeah," I replied with a sarcastic scoff. "It did to me too until I got around my car and ran into Edgar."

"Edgar? Latino, around Dean's height, dark hair, greying goatee…?" Sam questioned softly.

"That's him. He's actually a Leviathan that took over a construction workers body." Sam nodded with a solemn look on his face. "But you know that already because you guys must have run into him too."

Sam let out a quick bark of a laugh then said, "We did. Dean dropped a car on him after he broke Dean's leg and knocked me out. He… he was also at the warehouse when Bobby was shot."

For a moment I was so stunned that I couldn't do anything more than just gape at Sam silently. Once I regained the ability to speak, I said more to myself than to him, "Shit the project at work that was causing them more trouble than they anticipated… Fuck… It was…"

"Project? Addy what are you talking about?"

"Oh sorry… Sorry I got ahead of myself there for a second," I replied dismissively as I gently patted his knee. "Now… Let's go back and fill in that gap… Okay… Where was I? Right… So I ran into Edgar and since I'm such a badass hunter, I… Uhh… Turned tail and ran away from him… Well at least I tried to run away like a scared little girl." Sam was biting the inside of his cheek and looked like he was trying not to laugh, so I smirked and said. "Go ahead and laugh Sam. I even screamed like a bimbo victim in a horror movie when he finally did catch me… Even though I sounded like a total rookie on their first hunt, I did actually manage to land a couple of good nut shots to slow him down… Well to try to slow him down."

Sam finally did laugh then but he was sure to pull me into a warm hug so that he could atone for that insensitivity. "That I more than believe, but… Well Dean and I had to take him on too, so I know that hitting him is pretty much like punching a wall, so don't discount that effort."

"Yeah that's definitely a good analogy… Anyway, I was still basically tickling him with my fists when we were interrupted by you guys yelling for me and Bobby." I paused for a second after saying his name because I almost turned into a sob. When I felt confident that I had my voice under control I continued, "When he heard you guys yelling for me too, he didn't want to give me a chance to call out to you, so he started then to finally fight me in earnest. The last thing that I remember about being at Bobby's place that night is Edgar smashing my head into the side or hood of one of the cars… And then I woke up in the hospital."

Sam ran his fingertips over my hairline until I gripped his wrist and guided his fingers to the dent that you could still feel in my scalp as he asked, "And when you woke up you couldn't remember anything about who you were?"

"Nope I couldn't remember anything, not even my name or what State I was in, but… Umm… Edgar was there standing dutifully by my bedside."

"He showed up at the hospital?" Sam blurted out in surprise.

"Yep. The doctors or nurses or whoever had found one of my fake IDs and they must have told him the name… I'm kind of hazy about that, but they all told me that my name was Lonnie Beale and that Edgar was my husband. I still can't believe that the doctors totally believed it and let him take me home with him."

"That's because the doctor was one of them," Sam explained with a quirky smile on his face. "Actually we're pretty sure that a large portion of the hospital staff has been taken over by Leviathans."

"Oh shit… Shit… Shit! That totally makes sense now… Shit." I shivered at the thought that I had just had, but I did my best to straighten myself out so that I could speak clearly. "Dick doesn't like them being in the spotlight for the wrong reasons. He would call or pop by to check in with Edgar to make sure that only certain 'projects' were making it to the media."

"Dick? Do you…? You mean Dick Roman, right?"

I nodded then said just over a whisper, "Yeah… I had dinner with him a few times too… He thinks he's a total charmer."

Sam looked like he was just about to say something when we heard Dean ask from the door, "While you were forced to play house with the monsters, did you overhear anything about their full game plan? Do you know what the fuck they want with us all?"

I stole a quick look at Dean over my shoulder and then turned back towards Sam as I shook my head slowly and answered, "No I didn't get a chance to at all. They both were really careful not to get into any specifics when they talked about work around me. Edgar told me it would be rude since I wasn't on the crew at all. I only heard them refer to everything vaguely, like only calling the things they were doing 'projects'. Since Edgar worked construction I just assumed that he was helping Dick with a new building or something."

"It's okay Addy… Really it is… In the end, you getting out of there alive is the most important part," Sam countered warmly before he gave Dean a look of disbelief over my shoulder.

Dean ignored his brother's statement and nonverbal warnings as he sat down on the coffee table in front of me with a dark scowl on his face. He reached out a hand hesitantly, but let it fall into his lap limply before it could actually touch me. "How did you manage to get away from him?"

I turned my body so that I was facing him and shrugged as I nonchalantly said, "I drove."

The Winchesters had identical looks of confusion on their faces and I had to almost visibly fight my urge to laugh at seeing it. I shrugged again and spoke with a meek, humble tone, "He never actually tried to hurt me at all… At least he never attempted to hurt me physically after I woke up without the memory of him being the one that put me in the hospital. I… Uhh… I think that they wanted me to like fall in love with him and be a happy little homemaker with him or something."

"Why?" They both asked simultaneously.

"I'm not sure but I've been asking myself that too and the best that I can come up with is that it would be to get to you. That's the best that I could come up with so far. Umm… I don't know… I think maybe they were going to use me as bait then fuck with you guys when you saw me clinging to one of the monsters and didn't trust you guys at all," I explained sheepishly.

Sam uttered a thoughtful noise then said, "Yeah… That… That would have been a pretty good plan to… Well it definitely would have been shitty for us but… Yeah makes sense."

Dean swallowed hard then visibly centered himself and stared at his hands as he asked, "So…? When you were blissfully playing Molly Homemaker with…? Him…? How close did you two actually get? You know, since you were husband and wife and all?"

My eyes shot up to his face and I stared at him, but before I had a chance to reply, we all turned towards the door at hearing it creak open. A female doctor with light brown hair that was tied back in a bun and light blue scrubs stepped in while still holding a bloody smock bunched up into a ball in her hands.

"I'm sorry to disturb you all but I was told that I would be able to find Mr. Singer's next of kin here?"

Dean and Sam stood up quickly as they replied at the same time, "That's us."


	28. I Know I Never Really Treated You Right

I lingered close to the edge of the couch while the Winchesters talked quietly with the surgeon who had sought them out. When it looked like they were near the end of their conversation, I finally mustered up the courage to approach the trio. I heard another bland and unemotional "I'm sorry for your loss" coming from the doctor and I fought not to laugh because it sounded like a stock statement as opposed to genuine regret.

As the doctor turned to leave, I started to lose my nerve so I blurted out an overly loud, "Excuse me Ma'am?"

If you were watching her under a high powered microscope, you might have seen her sigh as she turned. However being an absolute professional she offered nothing more than a pleasant smile once she had turned fully around to face us once again answering, "Yes Miss? Did you have a question for me?"

"I'm sorry… I know that you must be busy," I replied politely. "But could I…? Err… Uhh… Could we…? Would we be able to see him to…? Uhh… To give our last respects?"

"Oh," she exclaimed softly, inadvertently cracking her steely exterior. "Of course you may. He's been moved to a private room while we wait for a final transport to the morgue. The… He'll be in room 103 because there isn't an orderly available for at least another thirty minutes that can move… him. If you feel that you need more time than that, I can always request that they delay the transport."

"Oh… I… Uhh…" I stalled while I replied and stole a quick glance at the brothers who were standing on either side of me because I wasn't sure if that would be enough time to execute whatever plan I was sure they had come up with by now. Dean didn't move his eyes off of the doctor, but when she gave us all a semi-suspicious look Sam wrapped a comforting arm around my waist and confidently said, "That should be more than enough time for all of us. Thank you again Dr. Jackson, thank you for everything you all have done."

She immediately reverted back to having a blank, professional look on her face before she said, "Alright, but if it turns out that that isn't sufficient, just let someone know. We're more than happy to accommodate during this difficult time. Again, I'm sorry for your loss and if you need any… Resources we he have in-house counselors and or can arrange for any other support that you may need."

"Thank you, but as my brother and I said earlier, we won't require any of them," Sam said as he extended his right hand.

Once the three of us were alone in the room once again, Sam pressed me against his side as he quietly praised, "Good thinking Addy. Dean and I weren't how to find out where we would find him without arousing her suspicion."

"Yeah… I… Well…" I said awkwardly as I stepped out of his embrace and away from both of them. "I… I know that you guys gave John a… Uhh… A proper funeral, so I figured that meant that you know how to… Uhh… How to sneak someone out of the hospital. I didn't have to worry about that with Mum or Sydney."

"Yeah, we know how to do our jobs," Dean replied curtly. Sam frowned at his brother but Dean had already mentally moved to the next step saying, "They probably know what the van we drove here looks like now…" He took a deep breath, set his shoulders as he turned his body towards me. I almost looked down at my feet to see if I was standing on something interesting because Dean's eyes never left the floor. Suddenly I realized that the floor consisted of nothing more than the generic tiles that all hospitals seemed to use to decorate and that Dean was just avoiding making eye contact with me. I didn't get a chance to react to that thought before Dean focused on something beyond my shoulder to fake eye contact and asked, "What kind of car did you steal…?" Dean hesitated slightly as he made brief eye contact with me. He had learned during the first job our families had worked together that I only broke the law when it was absolutely necessary and even then I didn't usually go beyond lying to the authorities and the rare break and enter, so he amended his question to ask, "Uhh… What kind of car did you rent so that you could flee from Mayfield?"

I should have scoffed at the 'Leave it to Beaver' reference, but I was too focused on being numb to my feelings because of the job at hand to come up with a witty retort. Instead I just stared at him blankly and bluntly said, "I drove Phantom here." Sam then turned to face me and they once again shared the same uncertain look to which I responded by taking another step back and nearly chewed on my lip as I explained, "Edgar… He either gave me the keys to someone's car that he ate or… Well I don't really know how he got them, but either way Edgar… Or rather Dick and company think that I'm more than happy driving around in a brand new red Ford Taurus."

Dean's mask of indifference cracked slightly as he sympathetically asked, "Really?"

I shuddered for dramatic effect and once my shivering ceased, I replied with an easier tone, "I know, right? I nearly kissed Phantom when I saw her again." Sam snickered softly because he knew that I wasn't quite as obsessed with my car as his brother was with his Impala, even though he had alluded more than once to how our unnatural affinity to finely made, classic America muscle cars proved that Dean and I had been created form similar molds. Dean however didn't react much, if at all, to my humor. Under his unyielding glare I swallowed hard and then more somberly said, "He had the Taurus for me to drive and then I switched cars twice before I finally arrived… Uhh… Home and now I'm driving Phantom. He and I didn't really get into talking about cars or anything from my actual past much, so I don't think that they'll know about the GTO being mine."

Dean knew how hard I had tried to block any fond memories I had formed of the car my Poppy had given me after Sydney had tainted each and every one of them during my time spent in Hell, so his face soften minutely as he said, "Well so long as you haven't packed her trunk full of clothes and crap, it should be a perfect fit."

I playfully punched Dean in the shoulder like I had on more occasions than I could count as I humorously replied, "Like I'd ever be that much of a girl." I paused as I pictured the state of the trunk of my car and added, "Okay… Well I can easily move a couple of bags to the backseat and we'll have more than enough room to stow your gear and travel in relative comfort."

Dean nodded and then we all ended up standing there in an uncomfortable silence until Sam broke it saying, "Well it sounds like it'll work. Umm… Where'd you park?"

"Huh?" I asked when his voice tried to break through my internal dialogue as I tried to figure out how to extend these fleeting moments of normalcy between Dean and I. Sam didn't waver and just calmly stated again, "Addy where did you park Phantom?"

Although I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of Dean, I nodded towards the general direction of the front entrance answering, "Out front… Uhh… Right near the main stairs."

"Okay… Good… I think that room 103 is close to the back of the building. You go there, open the window, so we'll know exactly which room it is while we move the car around back and then we'll all get out of here," Dean directed while he extended his right hand out towards me. I must have stared at his open, upright palm for too long because I was brought out of my thoughts by Dean waving his hand in front of my face while he said, "We'll need the keys… Unless you'd rather I just hot wire the car."

I shook my head from side to side a couple of times slowly, pulled my keys out of my pocket and handed them to him without saying a word. Dean took them and immediately turned to leave the room. Sam watched Dean, but instead of following his brother, Sam leaned down and asked in a low voice, "Are you okay Addy?"

When Dean got to the door he noticed that Sam wasn't dutifully following him like he expected, so while he was still facing the door Dean barked out a loud, "Sam! Let's go!"

I jumped slightly at Dean's sharp command, but Sam didn't react to what Dean had said at all. Before either Winchester had a chance to say anything else, I nodded softly and nearly whispered, "Yeah, I'm fine Sam…" I tried to give him a strong smile as I added more volume while saying, "Well as fine as I can be… Given the situation and all. I'm just really not looking forward to saying goodbye, you know?"

Sam gave me an understanding smile and then squeezed my forearm in a silent show of comfort and support. He quickly turned and caught up with Dean and they both left me alone in the room. I didn't give myself a chance to think and just followed in their wake into the hallway. Thankfully Dean was right and the room where we had been told that we would find Bobby was in fact just down the hall and close to the rear of the building. As soon as I had the door closed behind me, I nearly ran to the window on the opposite side of the room and opened it as wide as the track would allow me to push it.

Once I had completed the main task that Dean had given me, I turned to finally face Bobby's remains. He was still on a gurney with a white sheet covering him completely from head to foot. As much as I tried to keep them from doing so, my hands violently shook as I gingerly moved it off of his face so that I could actually look at him and confirm that all of this was really happening.

I felt kind of stupid because the first thing that popped into my head was that in that moment he looked completely and utterly peaceful. That bout of genius thought was swiftly followed up by the equally embarrassing _I guess that's why someone coined the term rest in peace when they talked about their loved one passing_ which caused me to sputter out a tearful laugh.

"Bobby," I whispered as I ran my fingers softly over the now stitched up wound on his forehead. "What the hell are we going to do without you? I swear Bobby you're…" My tears choked me up momentarily, so I cleared my throat and diverted my train of thought from that so that I could continue. "I don't think that we ever thanked you enough for everything that you always did for us… Well I don't feel like I did so even though it's too late, thank you Bobby. Thank you for all of your love, support and… and well for everything you did for me. You know… when I was I kid, I had the biggest crush on you because you seemed to be everything that I thought that a man should be… But as I grew up that changed and I wished with all my heart that you would fall in love with my Mum and marry her and become my Dad…" By this point my tears were falling hard and fast, but I did nothing to try to stop, let alone slow them down. "Because… Well because by that time I knew that you were exactly what every man should strive to be. I'm… I'm just glad that Toby got to meet you so that he could have a hunter that he could look up to… Well someone who had a handle on things better than me. I'm sorry that I never apologized to you for keeping his existence a secret from you. I should have been completely honest with you about that situation and not telling you is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done… I know… Well I'm more than pretty sure that things would have been different… in a good way, if I had of been honest with you because I know that you would have kicked my ass and made me do the right thing… Bobby…" I had to stop to take in a deep breath, swiped the bottom of my shirt over my face before I leaned down, kissed his forehead and then said against it, "I love you Bobby. I really hope that you always knew how much you meant to me. I already miss you so much that it feels like…"

I heard the door close behind me, so I stood up abruptly and feverishly wiped my palms over my cheeks to rid them of any moisture. I tried to compose myself as much as I could before Dean stepped up beside me. I wasn't sure if he had overheard anything or possibly everything that I had said because he continued as if he hadn't overheard any part of my tear filled confession to Bobby's body.

"Sam's in the car… Everyone thinks that I'm in here to say my goodbyes… There's a door to the yard out back just down the hall to the left. Go head out to the car and… Sam and I will take care of the rest," he instructed with a soft neutral tone.

I shuddered in a breath and tried to reply verbally, but found that I could only manage a quick nod. As I turned to walk away, Dean gently gripped my hand causing me to pause and turned to look at him. To my surprise, I was now looking into Dean's face and he was actually wearing the softest expression that I had seen him wear since I had arrived in New Jersey. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and then more kindheartedly ordered, "Go… Make sure that no one comes in and busts me in the act, okay?"

With a sad smile on my face, I managed to finally whisper, "Okay."

I couldn't help myself and paused at the door to watch Dean for some reason. He had just stood beside Bobby's side with his shoulders hunched in what I presumed was silence, but he could have been talking too lowly for me to overhear what he might be saying. After a brief moment, he brushed his right hand over his face and then started to move the stretcher towards the opened window.

He didn't check over his shoulder to see if I was following orders, but I still slipped out the door as quickly as I could before he had a chance to reprimand me for delaying. I stood in the hallway with my back against the door to catch my breath and lifted my right hand up slowly so that it hovered in front of my face. That was the first place that Dean had touched me with any amount of compassion or softness and I felt an overwhelming need to look at it while I relished in the memory of the brief moment we just shared.

"Miss? Miss?" I heard a male's voice questioned somewhat worriedly as I felt a hand grip my shoulder. "Miss, I'm sorry but you need to move so that I can… Uhh…"

When he hesitated as he tried to pick the most polite way of saying that he needed me to move away from the door so that he could just do this job before he could move onto his next task, I shook my head and replied, "I'm so sorry, I was just on my way out to find you… My…" I paused and stole a glance at the silver band that had somehow never left its home on my left ring finger. "My… my… my husband just needs a moment alone with his uncle, I mean if that's…?"

The moment he looked into my red, puffy eyes, the orderly's gruff exterior crumbled causing him to bend over slightly so that I could hear him when he quietly said, "That's more than alright. Dr. Jackson told me that you all might need more time than was allotted, but when no one came to find… Anyway, it's fine. I'll just go and finish what I can until you're ready for me to… I'll just be in the room down the hall, okay?"

I nodded then hoarsely whispered, "Okay. Thank you for understanding."

He turned and continued down the hall in the opposite direction that I needed to go and I breathed out a quiet sigh of relief. Once he disappeared into another room, I literally ran towards the exit door that was down the hall to my left. Dean was just slamming the trunk of my car closed and was rushing towards the front passenger's door by the time Phantom came into my view, so I kept up my quick pace and headed for one of the back doors.

Sam didn't speak before he hammered down the gas pedal and sped out of the parking lot. The only confirmation that he seemed to need was the sound of our two doors closing to prove that we had succeeded and that it was all clear for us to leave. I had turned off the radio in anticipation of calling Toby before going into the hospital, so the next few hundred miles we traveled passed in near to absolute silence. I for one was happy to just let my thoughts wander and couldn't really spare any extra energy to worry about what might be going through the minds of either Winchester.

After another few hundred miles, we were forced to stop to refuel the car so that we could continue our journey. We each took that time to stretch and buy some supplies for ourselves as well, but we didn't really waste any words between each other while we did so.

I pulled out my phone and stared at it after I stepped out of the convenience store and only looked away from it when I felt a strong hand gripped my shoulder tightly. "You haven't told Toby yet, have you?"

"No," I replied shaking my head absentmindedly. "But now I'm thinking that I'd rather tell him in person Sam. Seems like something I shouldn't do over the phone."

"Oh… Yeah that makes sense," he agreed as we walked slowly to the car together. Dean was now seated behind the wheel, so Sam nodded to the passenger's side door and explained, "Dean's going to navigate us through the next leg and I was sort of hoping to finally catch some shut eye in the back seat, unless…"

I held his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze and then replied, "That sounds like a good plan. If I need to I can more than easily curl up to sleep in the front seat. You go, go ahead and stretch…" I smirked slightly as I looked from him to the car and added a little more humorously, "Well stretch out as much as you can and get some rest."

Once all of us were in the car once again, I looked over at Sam as he sprawled out over the backseat and he winked at me playfully. I gently placed my bag of goodies on the floor by Sam's knees and responded by glaring at him half-heartedly. He must have seen the awkwardness present between Dean and I and he wasn't going to allow me to have an easy out to attempt to ignore it in anyway. Instead he had manipulated me with the best line that he could use to tug at my heart strings in order to provoke the protective streak within me to get me to sit upfront and have no choice but to face his brother.

 _Fucking manipulative little… Well big bastard_ I thought to myself with a chuckle as I turned in my seat and fastened my seat belt. Dean watched me settle in my seat out of the corner of his eye before he checked the rear view mirror to double check that Sam was safe inside the car as well. Dean's attentiveness to Sam's safety had always impressed me when we were younger and I found it oddly comforting that despite everything that had happened up until now that that trait hadn't changed. It wasn't until we were crossing yet another State line that I notice that Dean still hadn't turned on the stereo and we hadn't uttered a single word. In all of the years that we had traveled together, I had never known Dean to keep the car this quiet unless it was it was to go over all of the information pertaining to the next hunt at hand, so I ventured a guess that now would be the best time to try to talk with Dean about whatever had happened back at the hospital between us.

I quickly checked over my shoulder to make sure that Sam was still dead asleep before I tentatively and quietly said, "So Dean…? Back at the hospital you asked… Umm… You asked about my time that I spent with Edgar, but I didn't really get a chance to answer you…"

"Not now," he interrupted sharply, but he didn't offer me any alternatives for a more appropriate time for us to discuss this topic.

I looked over at him, but diverted my gaze just as quickly when I noticed that he hadn't even attempted in any way to take his eyes off the road to look at me as I nearly whispered, "But it's not really that big…"

"Seriously? You think that right now would be a good time for us to get into this?" He snarled over my words. I turned to look into his frowning face once again and could only hope that I didn't look as hurt as I felt in that moment because I didn't want to give him the upper hand. His expression barely changed as he turned back to the road saying in an exasperated tone like he was annoyed he had to explain because it should have been obvious to me, "I mean maybe we could do it when I'm not driving?"

He didn't wait for me to nod or agree before his right hand shot out and he turned the stereo back on a bit louder than I normally listened to it. I wanted nothing more than to try to talk over the music, but the sounds of Darren Hayes' voice immediately lulled me into a feeling where I thought that I could more easily collect my thoughts, so I just let everything go for now.

Well I was content to get my feelings into order until the lyrics of the song hit my ears, but Dean didn't seem to become conscious of them right away. Then he heard Darren singing the words to 'Stupid Mistake'.

_**I've been lonely. I've been searching the crowd for you. I got lazy. On the wrong side of love. I was stupid. Sold my kingdom for a war with you. With you… I made a stupid mistake and my world crashed down all around me…** _

Before I could attempt to skip the rest of the song, Dean had hit the button to jump to the next track. Soon enough the upbeat pop tune of 'Talk Talk Talk' started playing and I eased back into my seat once again. I had momentarily forgotten that the lyrics to this song might not be to the liking of my current, conscious, company and then I heard _**I know you keep your silence. I know that secret better than you. Sometimes all the matters of the heart. Are the chaos and the cowardice that keep us apart.**_

Once again Dean changed songs before I could object and we both completely froze when we heard _**If you want something broken better give it to me. I've got a way of disappointing that you'd never believe. I can take a good intention and turn it on its head. I can make you pray to God and wish we'd never met.**_

Our hands met at the face plate of the radio while 'Hurt' continued to play and I only retracted my hand when Dean gruffly said, "No, it's fine…" over my objection of "Here let me just…"

I wanted to protest further but didn't get a chance as the first line of 'Roses' piped through the speakers loud and clear with a poignant and melancholy _**What if I told you that your time was up? That as every second passes there's a moment gone. In 23 hours the sun was going to set forever…?**_ Before the song could continue Dean's forefinger had barely had a chance to jump to the next song that the stereo shuffled through to the next song to the list.

This song once again sounded like it was a more upbeat song, so we both relaxed slightly in our seats. I (of course) had been listening to nothing but the new Darren Hayes album that Toby had bought me because new Darren music had always been a welcomed distraction for me in the past. Plus Toby had looked so cute when he had brought out the purple box set with not only the CD (plus another CD with bonus tracks) but also a vinyl copy of the album. He had told me that it was supposed to have been my Christmas or birthday present, but given everything that had happened, he wanted me to have it as soon as possible. In the moment we had joked about how 'tomorrow' might not be an option, but as I sat in the car with the Winchesters that humor now felt disgustingly inappropriate.

_**You will never get older and you will never feel pain… Or fill with room with laughter like you used to…** _

Even with the vague knowledge of the significance of the rest of the words to the song 'Glorious', I quickly turned the stereo off completely while nearly apologizing with a mildly humorous tone, "The lyrics on this CD really don't get any better… Just the beat of the songs do... Well at least for some of the songs at least."

I then snatched up my iPod out of the glove box and scrolled through the playlists Toby had helped me create after I had it connected to the stereo. I stole a glance to my left and notice that Dean's jaw was clenched and his complexion was flushed with rage, so I shot back with my own annoyed snap, "What? It's not like I wrote the lyrics for that fucking album." But I couldn't let myself finish my thought of _I'm just living them for some God damned reason_ out loud and left it unsaid.

By the time I was finished admonishing Dean, I had finally managed to find the playlist that we had created with the title 'Dean's Music'. I hit play and turned it up loud enough that we couldn't talk over it without yelling which would wake up Sam from his, as of yet, peaceful slumber, in the hopes that it might create some sense of peace while Dean drove. Whether or not the change in soundtracks made a difference to our driver actually worked, I never noticed because I just turned in my seat to stare out the window so that I couldn't witness if Dean's reaction was positive or negative to this more familiar music.

By now it was more than obvious that Dean wasn't ready to talk about what was going on with him, but I sincerely hoped that that was only because Sam was laying down in the backseat. Soon enough Dean pulled my car into a familiar spot in the backyard of my house and I put all of those thoughts aside while we all suddenly sat up straight in our seats. Dean had the presence of mind to cut the engine while all three of us just continued to stare out the windshield at nothing in particular. I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye and was suddenly reminded that the brothers might be looking for further direction from me since I was the one that had suggested coming here instead of going straight back to Montana.

"So… Uhh… Back behind the garage," I explained awkwardly as we all stood outside of my car. "Mum… She… Well since she was like a tenth generation hunter and all… She made sure to add a few finishing touches to the grounds after Poppy's crew had finished and… Well… Back there she built a small crematorium with Sydney and… Uhh… Well after that whole 'Rising of the Witnesses' happened, I made sure that I… Uhh… That I took care of Sydney like we were all taught to… So I do know that it actually works. There's… there's a stock pile of Palo Santo to fuel it and containers of salt mined from four different countries." They were both listening to me in wide-eyed fascination as I added somewhat more timidly, "Mum always said that after everything all of had seen and done that the least we could do was give our fallen brothers and sisters a proper burial so that they could be laid to rest and… Well… Yeah, everything we need is out back there."

"Huh… That sure does sound like Vicky," Dean replied with a soft smile on his face.

Sam pass me a tissue as he quietly said, "I wish I had of had a chance to get to know her better because I'm sure that I could have learned a lot more than I did from her."

Dean patted Sam on the back saying, "We all did… And it looks like we still can."

Sam and I stared at Dean with a questioning look on our faces as Dean started unloaded our bags from the car. He passed me three of our duffle bags and nodded towards the house saying, "But why don't we put this lesson to use first? Or rather… Sam and I can…"

"Right… Right," I agreed as I took the bags. I didn't like looking like a coward, but just talking about what I had done had brought back the most vivid memory of the scent of Sydney's burning flesh and I was more than happy to bow out of experiencing that again anytime soon. "I'll just go and make sure that the guest rooms are… Umm ready and… Yeah… I'll go… do that."

I scooped up the handles of two more bags and rushed towards the backdoor before either Winchester could utter another word. Once inside the safety of the kitchen, I dropped all of our bags into a pile and then weeded through them to pluck out my own. During my time spent with the Connors after fleeing Edgar's grasp, I had restocked my house with some non-perishable and frozen foods as well as booze in every flavor in anticipation of us using my house for pit stops again, so I didn't worry about checking the fridge and just focused on making the house more comfortable. Well more comfortable temperature wise at least since I really had no control over the atmosphere that would prevail in the house at the moment.

After turning up the thermostat, I dumped my bags in my room and sat at the foot of my bed and just held my head in my hands. Now that I had a moment completely to myself, I couldn't help but reflect on the past twenty-four hours. I had anticipated that things would be weird between me and the guys, like it had been with Toby at first, but I had also figured that after passing a few, relatively easy, tests that things would go back to normal and yet here I sat nearly in tears alone. Sam was back to treating me like he always had, but the stone wall that kept Dean from me was all the more evident especially since we hit Iowan soil.

 _How…? What…?_ I tried to navigate through a bunch of conflicting thoughts, but then the pain in my elbow reminded me that I hadn't taken the time to properly clean and dress that wound. As I got up to head to the bathroom, I massaged my arm gently as I thought _W_ _ell thank God for painful distractions._

After pulling out a bottle of peroxide, a couple of face cloths and bandages in a variety of sizes, I finally felt brave enough to pull back the gauze on my arm to double check the damage. Well at least by this point I had nothing else that I could do to delay the inevitable, so I took a deep breath and forced the tape off of my skin. Just as I had anticipated, the blood from the wound had dried to the gauze so it took more than a little finesse on my part to peel it away without re-opening the wound.

I had wetted down the gauze that I was going to throw out to make pulling it off the cut easier and was drying my arm before checking for any sign of infection when the most unexpected thing happened… I heard my bedroom door open and close. It may have seemed silly now, but I had gotten into the habit of always shutting my bedroom door in case I decided to get changed into something more comfortable when Toby started spending more and more time with me while I was in town and as of yet I had been able to keep the two of us from having any overly embarrassing moments of 'over sharing'. Those moments still remained reserved for when Toby questioned me about my relationships with Dean (or any male that I had once been linked to 'romantically') because he as more than happy to avoid talking about the girls whose names made him blush brightly. Since one of the first things that I did when I got my bags to my room was to change into lounge wear, I had closed the door, but I hadn't expected anyone to join me so I froze completely at the sound of it clicking closed again.

When I didn't hear any other movement, I shook my head and wrote it off as being just wishful thinking on my part and I turned my full attention back to my arm again. I measured out a couple of bandages while they were still in the package and sighed loudly when I had confirmation that the cut really wasn't any worse than I remembered (and that I hadn't made it any worse on the drive home).

"Lay?" Dean called out causing me to drop the Band-Aid onto the counter as I cursed under my breath. Then I heard him ask, "Lay…? Are…? Are you in here?"

While I smoothed the adhesive against my skin, I stepped out of the bathroom hoarsely replying, "Yeah, I'm here. I was just… cleaning up."

He nodded then pointedly stared at my newly tended to wound and asked, "So, how's the arm?"

"Oh… You know…" I turned back to look at him as I zipped up my oversized hoody that I had retrieved form the closet and immediately noticed the hurt look that was trying to form on Dean's face, so I quickly dropped my humorous tone and more earnestly said, "Really it's still nothing Dean. I just needed a new Band-Aid is all. By tomorrow it won't even need that. So it isn't something that either of us needs to worry about AT ALL."

Dean remained mute but continued to nod as he stumbled back a couple of steps and forcefully sat on the edge of my bed. I stuffed my hands deep into the pockets of my hoody and forced myself to stay in my spot. Dean had finally initiated what I had wanted to do since his not so subtle freak out in the Supply Closet, so I tried to keep myself from doing anything that might hamper it by saying or doing the wrong thing.

We remained in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes then Dean sighed loudly and stared at this hands where they laid in his while he quietly announced, "In all honesty, I didn't think it would be the best idea for us to talk while I was driving Phantom. I know you'd have my balls in a jar if I wrecked her at all." He looked up and forced the corners of his mouth into a tight smile as he said, "Now… You were saying something about Edgar…?"

"Well you brought her back from the dead once," I teased weakly. "So I'm pretty sure that gives you at least one 'Get Out of Jail Free' card for any other minor damages you might incur while driving Phantom." Dean cracked a proper smile at that comment so I silently sighed out the breath I almost held, took a step forward and said, "It really was nothing to worry about Dean, I swear."

Dean met my tear-filled eyes, but I managed to keep the tears that wanted to fall at bay even when he said, "But he was… Well he tried to make you believe that he was your husband…"

I was now standing so close to Dean that our knees almost touched, but I kept my hands to myself by fidgeting with my wedding band as I explained, "Yes… They all did want me to think that I was happily married to Edgar, but he never actually tried to push me for sex. I think they… Well I'm pretty sure that they were banking on me falling in love, not in lust, with him." As I spoke I watched Dean's muscles subconsciously stiffen so I nearly rushed as I added, "Plus it never really felt right to me to touch him. I… I did kiss him a couple of times but I SWEAR it felt even weirder than when I kissed…"

I stopped talking abruptly because I wasn't sure which was worse, the fact that I didn't know what name to choose in order to illustrate my point or the fact that I had more than one name to choose from. As I tried to take a step back, Dean removed the hand that had been pinching the bridge of his nose to dryly prod, "Weirder than when you kissed…?"

"Bobby," I blurted out after deciding that his was the least objectionable name that I could choose from the list. Dean stared at me completely wide-eyed so I hurriedly explained, "When I was… Umm… Fifteen, Mum and Sydney dumped me with Bobby for over a week one summer. He took that time to fill in the gaps that Poppy hadn't taught me about cars and of course about being a hunter and… Well one night after I 'practiced my drinking' I tried to force him to teach me about how to… Umm… Impress the men that hunt…" I laughed to myself at the memory of that night while Dean continued to stare at me in shocked confusion. "Oh God… Dean he wasn't my first kiss or anything, but that did lead to an interesting discussion about the one hunter that I couldn't seem to get off my mind, no matter how hard I tried to protest." Dean just scowled at me and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my humor was completely lost on him so I bumped my knee against his saying, "You Dumbass… I couldn't get YOU off of my mind! And after my not so subtle talk with Poppy about the birds and the bees, Bobby was more than happy to add his two cents on the situation with a lovely hunter spin on things… Bobby talking about one night stands… I still shudder at the thought."

Dean didn't react to any of my humor and continued to scowl as he quietly said, "So you struck out with Bobby too because of me, huh?"

It took me a couple of heartbeats before Dean's dry humor registered. I looked into his face with a soft smile on mine as I replied, "Yeah… Well… Maybe. But either way, no matter what he tried to say about our past together, I just never felt comfortable with Edgar. I don't know but it was like I was just working off instinct with him and couldn't bring myself to trust him."

"Which means that you didn't have sex with him?" Dean clarified with a soft, hopeful tone.

I tentatively reached out to take Dean by the hand and when he didn't try to flinch away I laced my left hand with his so that we could look at our complementary wedding bands together. "No, I didn't," I replied as I kissed the back of his left hand. He didn't take his eyes off of our hands until I shrugged and chuckled while I added, "Well I don't even think that we even actually slept together at all. Huh…" Dean continued to stare at me as I thought of something that I hadn't realized before just then. "Actually in all honesty I'm not even sure that those things even sleep." Dean seemed to be able to hear that revelation giving way to another as my posture slumped and I nearly whispered, "Fuck… What if they don't and that's how Dick Roman's been able to get so far ahead of us?"

"So…? You didn't sleep with him…" Dean said softly as more of a statement than a question.

I gently move his chin up to force him to look me in the eye as I shook my head saying, "No. Dean I didn't, in any way, shape, or form."

He seemed to have actually heard what I was saying this time, so I stepped in between his legs and kissed his forehead as I reiterated, "I didn't… Dean I didn't…" before I rested my forehead against his.

We stayed like that until our breathing synched up and then suddenly Dean sat back and away from me. I would have fallen against his body, but Dean had already gripped my shoulders tightly so that he could look into my face. "But you… You've never let me… In the past we've never been that…"

Dean's eyes seemed to be laser focused on the bandage on my left arm and I tried to keep my tone as tender as possible when I tried to clarify that I was reading his thoughts correctly (because if I was then he was thinking something so ludicrous that it more than deserved to be mocked without mercy). "We've never been that rough together before?" Dean nodded softly as I ran my hands over his temples to the back of his head. "That's not true Dean… We were pretty… Umm… Boisterous back at Bobby's that time…"

I quirked an eyebrow playfully, but he just turned his eyes away while sounding almost embarrassed as he admitted, "Yeah… But that time was after Don raped you."

Before I could stop myself, I snatched my hands away from his head. I would have stepped completely away from him, but when I tried to I was stopped by Dean's arms that were encircled around my waist. Even though it was probably fruitless, I kept trying to step back as I passionately admonished him, "Pacer Dean! It was Pacer! PACER! I was…" (Although Dean had used that five lettered word quite easily, I still hesitated before I used the term) "I was… Raped by a demon that was possessing Don's body. He didn't do it, Pacer, the demon, did."

"A demon… Right… So a demon, Pacer, took you by force and then the next time we were 'together' you nearly drew blood… So naturally…" By this point Dean had dropped his hands to his sides, but I was too stunned to force myself to move away like I had wanted to previously. "Well… I'm sure you can see why I had assumed that you had been with another monster since you practically let me rape you."

My mouth fell open while I stared at Dean and I had barely regained my breath before I said, "Is…? Is that what you think happened back in that supply closet?" When Dean finally nodded softly, I stumbled back a couple of steps. "You thought… You thought that I was one of them and wanted to hurt me because it… But when you realized that I was me, you thought that I let you… you… do that as like a punishment for being unfaithful… Is that it?"

Dean didn't have to nod for me to know that what I had just said was true, but it still hurt not to have him try to dispute it in any way. Before I regained total consciousness, I had stepped back in between his legs again with my right fist flexing opened and closed. Dean seemed to be content just to watch me while I tried to make up my mind, but he did flinch and closed his eyes when I finally did raise my hand.

Dean seemed to have been bracing for the worse, so he actually jumped slightly when my lips touched his. He kept his eyes squeezed tightly closed so I kissed each of his eye lids softly before I placed my mouth beside his right ear and whispered, "It's only rape if she says 'No' Dean… and I don't remember telling you anything close to that." I leaned back far enough to look him in his now opened eyes and made sure not to move my hands off of his thighs. He responded with a worried scowl causing me to shrug and add somewhat flippantly, "Hey we've both grown up some since our first time together. Maybe I enjoy a little… Umm… Variety once in a while."

"Variety… Right…" He replied slowly while moving my hands from his thighs to his shoulders. I just smiled and tried to look as open as possible to prove to him that he hadn't done anything to hurt me (at least not emotionally) or anything that I wasn't already on board for and it seemed to work because he leaned up to kiss me.

As I relaxed into his embrace, Dean ran his hands up and down my back and then suddenly he lifted me off the floor and nearly threw me down onto the bed. I let out a surprised squeak when I hit the mattress before I settled back slightly so that I was more comfortable and could just stare up at him. He gently pried my knees open and then leaned in closer to me as he lovingly stroked my hair. I kept my palms flush against my comforter while I nervously watched him until I fisted tight handfuls of it when Dean kissed me once again.

At first the press of his lips was gentle, but then his pace became increasingly aggressive. The kiss began to feel less like a show of love and affection and more like cold, callous contact. By the time the kiss started to feel more like Dean was biting at my mouth hard enough to nearly draw blood, Dean's hands had move to the waistband of my yoga pants.

"Dean… Dean…" I protested weakly at feeling his fingers working at pulling down my Lycra cotton blend pants. He didn't seem to notice that his hips were digging into mine which was making this course of action near impossible for him to complete so I moved my hands to his shoulders and gave them a harder push. His lips moved to the newly blossoming bruise on my neck that he had given me the day before and I more loudly objected, "Dean… Stop! DEAN! STOP!"

Suddenly he froze completely with his teeth still pressed painfully against my flesh. I thought that he said something against my neck but I couldn't make out what it might have been. He slowly snaked his way off of my body until he was standing and looking down at me. Once he was upright and standing, Dean didn't move but I straightened out my clothing the best I could and then sat back with my arms wrapped around my knees that were now pressed tightly against my chest.

"Dean?" I questioned around the lump that was forming in my throat.

He gently brushed my hair off of my shoulder and shook his head sadly at the now sizeable bruise that was steadily growing near the base of my neck. His mouth opened and closed as if he was going to speak, but he kept himself from actually commenting. I swallowed my words and tried my best not to show my apprehension as he jerked his hand away before turning his back on me.

"Monster," he mumbled as he walked away from the door. At the bed he paused but didn't look at me over his shoulder as he more clearly stated, "I should go and check on Sam to make sure that he doesn't need any help."

I noticed that he hesitated before turning the door handle so I quickly answered, "Of course… Yeah, you should do that."

Dean gave a resolute and possibly thankful nod before he turned the knob and excited the room as quickly as possible. I moved to the edge of the bed and the now closed door with my hands folded in my lap. Nothing up until now had come remotely close to any of the worst case scenarios that I had conjured up in my mind before reuniting with the Winchesters.

"Oh shit," I whispered once my thoughts had finally stopped racing. _Dean thinks that he's a monster for wanting it rough… Oh… Damn… Now this is making some sense._

I flopped back on my bed and let every muscle in my body relax for the first time in days in light of this new revelation. Since Dean's weirdness was being caused by his own feelings of self-deprecation I knew that there wasn't much that I could do right now to change things. It felt good to have that figured out because Dean doubting himself was something that I was familiar with and could actually deal with fairly easily. No matter what I could say to the contrary, Dean would believe whatever he had convinced himself was true, so I would just have to make sure to do what I had done in the past: leave him to his delusions and just show him how loved he is in the hopes that he would finally realize on his own that he was wrong.

By the time that I had made my way downstairs again, smoke was billowing from behind the garage and the brothers were sitting at the picnic table in the back yard. I knew how hard I was taking this latest loss in our lives, but I still couldn't quite imagine how deeply it would be affecting Dean or Sam. But that being said, it looked like neither of them was ready to talk about it, so I once again tried to focus on what needs they would most likely let me fill which meant that I started digging through the freezer for something that could pass as a freshly made meal. I was hoping to find anything that resembled comfort food, given the emotional state we were all in, but the best that I could come up with was a frozen batch of chili that I had made up before heading out to New Jersey.

I decided to heat it up slowly on the stove so that I could add a few more spices, so dinner wasn't quite ready to be served when I heard Dean and Sam re-enter the house. Dean was still engrossed in a conversation he was having with someone on the phone while Sam joined me by the stove, quietly praising, "What smells so good?"

I shrugged and retrieved us each a beer from the fridge and answered, "It's nothing too special, just reheating left overs. I hope it's okay."

"You've got to be joking!" Dean nearly shouted as he slumped onto a chair at the kitchen table.

"Who's he talking to?" I whispered to Sam.

"Frank Devereaux. He…"

"No! No… Fine! But you have to give me some time to get the money together. Just… Just don't stop working… I'll get the money… somehow…" Dean quickly hung up the phone and slammed it against the tabletop as he cursed out a heartfelt and angry, "FUCK!"

Sam and I exchanged a questioning look until I pressed an opened bottle of beer into his hand saying, "I'll dish dinner… Go, sit and take that to your brother."

Dean took the beer from Sam, but they both remained silent as I plated our food. I passed them each a bowl and sat down without uttering a word and received a soft grunt as a 'thank you' from each of the guys. We then ate in the most uncomfortable silence that I had encountered, but I managed to take a small measure of comfort in the fact that both of them were actually eating. When my Mum had been killed it took me at least three days before I could stomach solid food and I could force more than a few spoonfuls of food into my stomach without feeling like I might vomit.

Before either of them could notice how little I had consumed, I cleared the table quickly and asked as I place the dishes in the washer, "So what's Frank's asking price?"

Dean swallowed his mouthful of beer then asked, "What'd you say?"

"I was just wondering how much Frank quoted for him to do heavy duty research for you," I replied handing him and Sam a fresh round of cold drinks.

Dean started to pick at the label of his bottle as he flatly told us, "Fifteen thousand."

"What?" Sam exclaimed quietly. "Where the hell does he think that we're going to get that kind of money?"

"Fuck if I know," Dean nearly snapped before turning his attention to drinking his beer.

I stood up abruptly and nearly ran into the den. Sam half stood from his chair but swiftly sat back down when he heard his brother chuckling softly. Sam figured that his brother was laughing at his reaction to my leaving the room because they both seemed to think that I couldn't cope with my emotions and that I was trying to hide it from them.

When I got back to the kitchen, Sam was still watching the doorway with a worried look on his face and Dean was just sitting back down at the table after getting himself another beer. Sam's eyes tracked my every move and the lines of his face shifted from worry to a questioning scowl when I placed a small navy blue gym bag on the table in front of both of them.

"I put in a little extra so that you guys don't have to worry about running any scams or anything right now," I explained while I unzipped the bag to show them that it was filled with a variety of denominations of money.

"We… we can't accept this…" Sam protested weakly while he counted a couple of stacks of bills he had liberated from the bag.

"Yes, you can and you will," I stated firmly. When they both looked up at me, I had to catch my breath so that I could maintain my strong exterior to ensure that I sounded confident as I said, "I'm not going to take no for an answer, so don't even try to argue, alright Winchesters?"

Sam got up and hugged me tight saying against my hair, "Thanks Addy."

I patted his back replying, "It's nothing."

He nodded then looked between Dean and me and seemed to have noticed a minute change of atmosphere between us. "I… I'm gonna go and check… On… Uhh everything."

Dean didn't take his attention off the bag of money until he heard the backdoor click closed. I had anticipated seeing the same coldness that had been in his eye earlier in the day, but when our eyes locked I thought that I actually saw tears in his eyes. "So… We could go with you to tell Toby about what happened to Bobby before we go…"

"I'd actually really like that…" I answered with a slight hesitation as I diverted my gaze to my feet.

"But you… you don't want us to?" Dean questioned sounding angrier than he had previously.

I stepped up in front of him and held his hands saying, "How would you feel if you were in his place? You know to have all three of us… You know…?"

Dean snorted out a laugh of recognition saying, "I would totally resent all of us for ganging up on me." He smiled softly then added, "Will you be okay doing it on your own?"

I moved his arms so that I could maneuver myself onto his lap then kissed him softly saying, "No… I'll probably breakdown a few times before then… And most likely while I tell him, but for Toby I'll… I'll do my best. Plus the sooner you guys get that money to Devereaux, the sooner he'll start working to find Dick Roman and find out what that creeper is actually up to here on Earth." Dean sat back straighter with a considering look on his face and I couldn't help but laugh. "Tell me I'm wrong."

Dean smiled softly then finally conceded, "You might have a point."

I ran my fingers over his hairline until Dean gripped my hand and pulled it down to rest in our laps. We then sat there just looking into each other's eyes, but this time we did so as a more comfortable silence engulfed the room. We were both prone to getting lost in our own thoughts and we had always allowed each other to do so freely and this moment was no different. I know that for me the thoughts that ran through my head usually revolved around everything that I wanted to say to Dean while I tried to pick out the least volatile thing to actually say to him. I wanted to, but never could bring myself to ask Dean what he was thinking about in times like this, but deep down I had a feeling that he wasn't just thinking about me. Not that I ever felt slighted by that fact because I had acknowledged long ago that Dean was shouldering way more responsibility than I did for a larger number of people, so I happily accepted that they might (once in a while) occupy a more prominent place in his mind.

Dean started to curl a lock of my hair around his index finger as I watched his mind jump from one thought to another before he finally ceased all movement to sadly say, "Lay… I… I…"

"Dean… Shh…" I interrupted with the confidence that I knew where his brain was headed. "I'm alive, you're alive… That's all that's important. Now, you drive safe and make sure to check in once in a while, okay?"

While I spoke I had led Dean by his hand to the backdoor and opened it wide. Dean leaned down but stopped before he could kiss me, so I closed that small gap between us to kiss him with all of the love that I felt for him in that moment.

Dean ran a hand down the side of my head and said quietly, "Make sure to tell Toby that he can call me if he needs to… you know… talk or whatever."

"Of course," I hoarsely whispered just before Dean turned and walked towards the car that I had driven from Bobby's house.

It wasn't until Sam reappeared with their bags in hand that I noticed that I had sent Dean off without making sure that they had their bags. Sam waved at me after he closed the trunk and they drove away while tears started to fall from my eyes while I waved back to them. Suddenly I realized that I had to tell Toby that Bobby was gone and I wasn't completely confident that I could do that. I almost wanted to run after the Winchesters to beg them to come with me, but in the end I knew Dean and I were right. Toby wouldn't allow himself to react honestly if the brothers were with me, so this definitely was something I would have to be able to do alone. But I took some solace in the fact that night had fallen, so I had at least a few hours that I could use to prepare for the most uncomfortable and dreaded discussion I hoped I would never have had to have with Toby.


	29. I've Paid The Price

_**I paused with my hand raised mid-air and just stared at the door wondering how I had ended up here. It wasn't the house or its owner that caused me to question my actions, it was merely the fact that I had to go to someone for help and that I wasn't just able to take care of this on my own. I had already had someone tend to these wounds when I had first been hurt, so I was feeling even more frustrated that I had to have them looked at again because of possible complications.** _

" _ **You might want to work on your X-Ray vision there Koala Bear, I shouldn't be able to sneak up on you like that," Bobby joked as he opened the door. I was just about to reply with my own sarcastic comment but was stopped by Bobby grabbing my chin rougher than I'm sure he had intended. "Addy what the hell happened to you?"**_

_**I raised my hand slowly, trying not to wince from the pull of the stitches on my back and the pain radiating from my bruised rib cage as I simply replied, "Wendigo."** _

" _ **Please tell me you weren't stupid enough to go after one of those on your own," he good-naturedly berated me as he led me into his study and sat me down on the couch. When I didn't reply he shook his head sighed out an exasperated, "Adelaide" knowing that my silence meant that I had.**_

" _ **Hey it's dead now and I'm not, so I don't think it's that bad," I tried to retort flippantly to ease his mind.**_

_**Bobby moved my head by my chin and I finally did hiss out a breath when his shirt inadvertently brushed against a fresh burn on my arm. He then lifted my arm into the light and before he could ask any questions about it, I answered, "I got a little too close to it while it was burning. But I swear that it's dead."** _

" _ **Well this looks a hell of a lot newer than your eye… And someone's already worked on your eye too… So what aren't you telling me?" He questioned with a slight hint of anger as he left the room to retrieve his first aid kit.**_

_**While he was out of the room, I quickly went through the different scenarios I had come up with to explain away the damage in question. As Bobby laid out all of his supplies at my side, he randomly made eye contact with me and I could tell that he was FAR from impressed. I had a feeling that the cut above my eye was starting to get an infection and I knew that I needed Bobby to take care of it before it got worse, so I pouted slightly to try to get him to soften his facial features before I spoke.** _

" _ **I… I got into fight with a guy at a bar," I explained as he started to apply Aloe Vera to the burn on my arm. "He didn't really take too kindly to losing a hundred bucks to me during a poker game after I turned him down for a one night stand."**_

" _ **You probably should have gotten a couple of stitches… Who fixed you up?" Bobby questioned curtly. He took a closer look at my eye then muttered an annoyed, "Balls!"**_

" _ **I didn't think it was all that bad so I just had Auntie Mo take care of it."**_

" _ **Damn it Addy! She wouldn't have been able to tell that it needed to be stitched," Bobby chastised me. "Why didn't you get your dad to look at it?"**_

_**I swallowed hard and pretended that the pain caused by his re-opening my wound had made it nearly impossible for me to speak. "Well? I know your parents trained you better than this Adelaide. Now you've gone and gotten yourself an infection while your body's still trying to heal those damn claw marks. You know sometimes…"** _

" _ **He was out of town on a job, so I couldn't get to him." I interrupted before timidly asking, "Did…? Did Mo really do that bad of a job? I… I didn't think it was that bad, but is it?"**_

_**Bobby paused to look me in the eye and slumped slightly as he somewhat dejectedly replied, "Oh hell Koala Bear, I ain't mad at you but… but you've got to start taking better care of yourself or you'll be seeing your Mom a hell of a lot sooner than you're supposed to, you hear?"** _

_**I bit my upper lip, willing my tears away, and nodded softly. Bobby then petted my cheek and softened his tone even more to ask, "Speaking of… How are the stitches doing?"** _

" _ **Pretty good… I'm overdue to get them taken out because I… I wanted to wait a bit since the last time I had stitches they took longer to heal than the doctor had said they would," I explained just over a whisper as I idly scratched the palm of my left hand where I had gotten stitches as a teenager that experienced the complications I had just told Bobby about.**_

" _ **That actually sounds pretty smart. Okay… You sit tight, I just have to grab a few more things and then I'll get you all fixed up," Bobby said while still holding my face in both of his hands. "And you know where the whiskey is kept… I'll even overlook the fact that you're still a few months shy of being legal." He finished with a playful wink that I'd grown used to while visiting with my parents.**_

_**I just nodded again, but I made no move to get up. Once I was alone I sunk down further on the couch. I hadn't had to lie to anyone about how my eye got damaged yet, so I tried to go over everything in my head to make sure that I had the story straight in case I had to repeat it. At the time Maureen had been too shaken up by my injuries that she hadn't bothered to interrogated me, but Bill seemed to have instinctively known that it was my dad who had beaten me up because I hadn't volunteered the information like I normally had in the past. Bill also knew how heavily my dad was drinking these day and had his suspicions that the tension between my father and I would come to a head sooner or later.** _

" _ **I couldn't stitch it up again, so I taped it closed the best that I could," Bobby explained. "Now come on… Up with you… Let's take a look at that back of yours."**_

_**I tried standing up on my own, but my muscles had stiffened up so much while Bobby cleaned and redressed my wound that I could barely move. Bobby gripped me by my uninjured arm and eased me to a standing position without saying a word out loud. The look in his eyes was yelling his thoughts at me louder than anything that he could have said out loud to me right now.** _

_**Our hands met at the hem of my shirt and Bobby retracted his so quickly that neither of us was able to issue an apology. I rolled up the fabric of my shirt as I pulled it up as high as I could comfortably hold it.** _

" _ **A little higher Koala Bear," Bobby instructed softly as he gently pushed my shirt further up my back. Once it was at the height he needed it, I shifted my grip so that his hands would be free to work. "Well it's good to see that you've taken care of these. Now… I think there's too many to do this with you standing…"**_

" _ **Would it work if I sat straddling a kitchen chair?" I asked in a small, unsure voice.**_

_**Bobby was already leading me to the kitchen as he answered, "That would be perfect. You go and get settled while I grab the supplies."** _

_**I hugged my arms around the back of the chair I was seated on and with all the shifting I had to do my shirt fell down back into place. I tried bunching it up a few different ways, but I couldn't wrap my arms around the chair back comfortably with the cotton creating a cushion between my body and the chair's back. It still hurt to raise my hands over my head, so I told myself that that was the reason I hesitated to strip it off and not my squeamishness to be partially naked around Bobby. He was still in the other room bundling things together and I could practically hear my Mum's voice telling me not to be so silly and daft by making the situation unnecessarily uncomfortable while having someone help me by tending to my wounds.** _

_**I had been jumping from job to job in an effort to keep myself from having any time to think about anything but work, so this was the first time in a long while that I had allowed myself to take a moment to think about my Mum. By the time Bobby got back into the kitchen, I had bunched up my shirt and was using it to stifle the sound of my uncontrollable sobs. Bobby could tell that I was crying by the way that my shoulders were shaking, so he placed the glass of whiskey he had poured for me down on the table and pulled a chair up to sit beside me.** _

" _ **Shh… It's okay Koala Bear… Shh… Let it out," he whispered as he rubbed soothing circles on my shoulder. "Shh… I promise it'll get easier… I promise it will… You've got all of us to help you, it ain't gonna get worse, I swear."**_

_**It had been so long since I had spent time with anyone who genuinely cared about me that his kind words just made me cry harder. Completely forgetting my lack of clothing on the upper half of my body, I whipped around and threw my arms around his neck. He caught a quick glimpse of the bruises that were finally fading on my torso around my black cotton bra before I slammed my chest against his. He stole a quick glance down my back where more bruises were scattered from my neck to the small of my back. His hands ghosted over the skin of my back before one finally landed on the back of my head and the other on one of my hips to avoid touching any of my injured flesh.** _

_**I continued to cry so hard that I could barely breathe while Bobby rocked me gently from side to side and just let me sob hysterically. Once I was completely out of breath, Bobby kissed the side of my head then quietly asked, "Did the bastard that worked over your eye do the rest of this to you?"** _

_**I kept my face pressed against his chest while I tried to catch my breath and nodded. "Koala Bear… How…? Why…? Why didn't anyone stop him? He could have broken your ribs or worse."** _

" _ **Oh… Umm…" The thing about lying is that lies are sort of like a wild fire. They can start off small, but then they grow and grow until they've consumed everything in their wake. I dried my face on my shirt while I tried to come up with a plausible explanation. Thankfully Bobby just thought I was trying to calm myself down enough to speak and remained silent as he leaned over to retrieve the glass from the table and held it in front of my face. I drank down the tumbler's contents in just a couple of swallows then took in another deep breath. "He… Uhh… He was waiting outside for me and pulled me behind some cars so that no one could actually see him kicking me."**_

" _ **Sounds about right for a coward that would beat up a woman," Bobby said with anger slipping back into his tone. "Alright let's see about getting those things out of you."**_

_**As Bobby carefully extracted each knot of thread from my skin, I couldn't help but think about how I was going to have scars that would forever serve as a reminder of the day my Mum had died. The werewolf had easily knocked me to the ground the moment I walked through the door and could have just as easily ripped me to shreds because my knife ended up on the other side of the room when I fell. As it started to dig into my back, my Mum found a way to attract its attention. By the time I came to she was screaming in agony and then was quickly silenced when it ripped her throat out. While it was preoccupied with devouring her flesh, I managed to crawl over to where they were and I plucked one of her silver knives out of her hand. I must have made more noise than I thought I had because the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back while it tried to make me its dessert. I could never have brought myself to say this out loud, but it truly was dumb luck and chance that I had thrust the knife up at just the right time as it lunged forward and practically impaled itself on the silver blade.** _

_**I started to shiver as Bobby traced his finger over a few bruises and mused to himself, "The bastard deserves to have his balls cut off for this… Kicking you with boots on… Could have killed you…"** _

" _ **Bobby," I stated with the strongest voice that I could conjure up while I tried to put my shirt back on as fast as I could.**_

_**Bobby shook his head then gazed up at my face with a more focused look in his eye. "Alright the cuts seemed to have healed well. You should probably give them a good scrub tonight so we can double check on them… But first I think I have some antibiotics somewhere… And no you don't want to know why I have them. So what do you want to do first? Food or shower?"** _

_**He didn't stop moving from cleaning up his supplies to pulling out some food to start dinner to searching through a drawer to dig out a prescription pill bottle. When he handed it to me, I grabbed his wrist in both of my hands. He scowled then looked like he was going to protest my stopping his near perpetual motion so I smiled sadly and pulled him closer so that I could stand up and give him a hug.** _

" _ **Sorry I just needed you to stop for like a second so I could say thank you. I think that you've gone above and beyond this time Bobby," I said as I hugged him again.**_

_**I felt him move to squeeze me tight but he hesitated, so I crushed him even harder to my chest as I chuckled and said, "I'm not made of glass Bobby. A firm hug isn't going to break me."** _

" _ **Yeah… Well…" He pushed me out of his arms so that he could hold my cheek in the cup of his hand. He smiled softly then kissed my temple next to my newly bandaged eye. "You need to start taking it easy and let your body heal… At least for a little while."**_

_**I nodded then stared at my feet and whispered, "Yes sir."** _

" _ **And you didn't answer my question…" I looked up at him through my lashes to which he smirked and clarified. "Eating or cleaning up? Which one's first?"**_

_**I laughed self-consciously then answered, "Food first would be best because I'll probably just crash after finally having a nice hot shower… I… Uhh… I haven't really bathed in a few days with being… You know… In the woods and all…"** _

_**Bobby petted my head then kissed my forehead before teasingly saying, "Don't think that I didn't notice." I stared at him in wide-eyed disbelief causing Bobby to let out a hearty laugh. "Dinner won't take long. Why don't you go out and get your bags and get settled? You know which room to use."** _

_**Before he could get too far away, I snatched Bobby into another strong hug and said another heartfelt thank you as well as an inaudible and muffled 'I love you' into his chest.** _

_**After I finished showering, which turned into a prolonged affair of me lingering under the hot spray of water, I found that I could move more easily so getting dressed was no longer a chore. Surprisingly enough, the relaxing shower had the opposite effect that I had anticipated and I now found myself feeling completely wide awake. Since Bobby was commonly known as the 'Go To' guy for information for most hunters, I figured he'd be deep in research mode once again and I figured that there was no better way to tire myself out again than to try to decipher the ramblings in some ancient text or to try to translate some dead language for someone else.** _

_**As I started down the stairs I stopped abruptly mid-step when I overheard Bobby talking to someone. He was the only person I was still talking to that might accidentally reconnect me with the Winchesters, so I didn't want to show my face until I knew if I was going to have to find a way to sneak out of the house or not.** _

" _ **Hey Sydney it's Bobby. You don't have to worry about calling me back… I just wanted you to know that Addy's safe here with me. She's looking pretty rough so I'm going to try to force her to rest for at least a day. But in any case, I just thought you should know that she made it here alive. Don't forget to call if you need anything."**_

 **Oh shit! Sydney knows where I am!** _**I thought to myself as I rushed back to one of Bobby's guest rooms. I hadn't seen my father since the night he had beaten me because I was worried he might try to finish the job. I was tossing the few items I had unpacked back into my bag so that I could sneak away when I heard a knock at the door.** _

" _ **Addy? Before you pass out on me, let me check on those claw marks… okay? Koala Bear…? Did you hear me?"**_

_**I stared down at my bag and jumped when Bobby knocked louder nearly shouting, "Addy? I hope you're decent…"** _

_**Before I could answer he opened the door and caught me as I was zipping up my bag. His eyes moved from my bag to my face and then back again. We stared at each other in silence and then he started to shake his head slowly, so I unzipped my bag and plucked out a makeup kit.** _

" _ **Sorry Bobby, I was just grabbing some lotion because my back still feels tight when I move," I explained, hating that I was once again lying to Bobby.**_

_**He ignored my uneasiness and after he had checked me over and had confirmed that everything looked as good as he thought, he forced me to try to rest. As soon as my head hit the pillow, the exhaustion I had been ignoring since I had left Minnesota hit me hard and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.** _

_**While it was still semi-dark outside, I was awoken by the sound of a truck screeching to a halt in Bobby's front yard. By the time I made it to the window, I could hear two loud male voices and more than one pair of heavy boots on Bobby's hardwood floor. It took me seeing the truck in the dim light of the early morning light before I could place the voice of the second man and then panic completely set in.** _

_**I quickly slipped on my boots and tied them just enough to make sure that they wouldn't fall off when I walked and then slipped my bag on my shoulder before I ran out to the stairs. Bobby and the newcomer seemed to be arguing in the study about something, so I made it to the kitchen easily without being noticed. Once I made it there, I stared at the door to the back yard longingly, trying to decide if I could make it out or not without the men seeing me.** _

" _ **Well then let's go out to the truck and get him," Bobby finally said as they both moved to the front door.**_

_**I said a quick prayer of thanks to God and went out the back door when I heard the front door open. With them at the front of the house I knew they wouldn't hear me start my car and I tried to time my departure so that I would pass by the front of the house while they while they were dealing with whomever it was that was being carried form the truck to the house.** _

_**John and Bobby dumped Dean's dead weight onto the couch in the study and then Bobby got to work on the gash on the back of Dean's head. John was beyond surprised that Bobby already had everything they needed in the study and then he noticed the used medical supplies and two soiled glasses on the kitchen table.** _

" _ **Have you turned this place into an Emergency Room?" John asked as he moved closer to the kitchen door.**_

_**Bobby scoffed softly then light heartedly replied, "I probably should so I can start charging you all expensive user fees like they do… but no, just had to take care of a few gashes and scrapes for Addy. Stupid kid got into a bar fight and then took on a Wendigo, ALL with her back still stitched up… So I helped her out with that, no big deal."** _

" _ **Addy?" John asked uneasily without turning to face Bobby. "Do you mean Addy Jones?"**_

" _ **She's the only Addy I know," Bobby answered with a humorous tone, not noticing John's demeanor because he kept his eyes focused on the task of mending Dean's head. "She's resting upstairs as we speak."**_

" _ **She is? I… I didn't see her car," John commented as he uncharacteristically stumbled over his words.**_

" _ **She parked out back," Bobby explained in an uninterested tone.**_

_**John moved to the kitchen window that overlooked the back yard before flatly stating, "I don't see her GTO."** _

_**Bobby dumped the packaging and other odds and ends in his hands in the garbage then moved to John's side and cursed out a loud, "Balls!"** _

_**Before John could respond, Bobby ran up the stairs to check the room I had been staying in. When he had his suspicions confirmed, he made his way slowly back down the stairs cursing and grumbling under his breath.** _

" _ **Damn stupid… Reckless…" He looked up at John with an angry scowl on his face then told him, "She must have slipped out when we were bringing Dean in."**_

_**John clamped a hand on Bobby's shoulder and laughed softly saying, "She's a tough kid… I'm sure she'll be fine. You shouldn't worry so much Old Man."** _

" _ **No… John you didn't see her. Ever since… Ever since Vicky died she's been going non-stop… If she keeps this pace up…" Bobby just threw his hands up and shook his head as if he didn't know what else to say.**_

_**Bobby turned to walk away but was stopped by John grabbing him by the arm and pulling him deeper into the kitchen. "What did you say about Vicky?"** _

_**Bobby stared at John mirroring his confused look as he answered, "You don't… Shit… Damn it! Sorry… I thought… I figured one of them would have called you by now. Okay… Well a few months back, Vicky was killed by a werewolf. It tore into Addy pretty bad and Maureen called me to go and check on her in the hospital. The stupid kid's been on the road non-stop for about three weeks now and I swear she's getting more and more careless."** _

" _ **Shit… How's Syd taking it?" John questioned, seemingly ignoring all of the other facts that Bobby had just told him.**_

_**Bobby shrugged then poured them each a cup of coffee replying, "Haven't been able to get a hold of him since I found out. But Addy said that he's still working on jobs, so I'm guessing he's doing as well as she is… Whatever that means."** _

_**John nodded then sipped his coffee thoughtfully. Bobby moved to check in on Dean then laughed to himself and somewhat flippantly commented, "Huh… If Addy and Dean had of stayed together… Can you imagine what it would have been like if they had kids? Damn stubborn lot y'all are that damn kid'd be more than a handful for…" he trailed off as he disappeared into the study.** _

_**John's eyes wandered out into the backyard as he went over everything Bobby had told him. He tried calling Sydney on his cell and then at home, but he just reached his voicemail at both numbers. He stared down the cell phone in his hands and then he had a terrifying thought. He knew that Sydney had threatened Dean and that his son was still unaware as to why Sydney had done so, which left John wondering if Sydney was trying to avoid him too. At first he had attributed my hasty retreat to the fact that Dean was possibly there, but now he was wondering if I too was trying to avoid all of the members of the Winchester clan like my father was.** _

_**I made it to town safely and decided that Bobby probably had a point about me resting, so I pulled into the parking lot of the first motel I came across. Just after I had cut the engine, my phone started ringing. I checked the Caller ID and swallowed down the bile rising up in the back of my throat. At least this time I could take some solace in the fact that I didn't really have to lie to Bobby because he would most likely understand my aversion to being around my ex-boyfriend without having to go into any further detail, but I still didn't want to admit that to him right now.** _

_**As soon as I answered and before I could speak I heard,** _ **"This isn't Bobby, it's John."**

_**I swallowed hard and forced myself not to react to my nervousness as I said in an almost light-hearted tone, "Hey John. How ya going? When'd you get to Bobby's?"** _

" **Addy don't give me that line of bullshit, you and I both know you were at Bobby's when we first got here,"** _ **he answered with an annoyed, angry growl.**_ **"What the hell are you thinking taking off like that when you're so badly hurt?"**

" _ **John," I nearly pleaded, so I stopped myself and took a deep breath. "You know why I left and… And it all looks worse than it is, I swear. Plus… Bobby fixed up my eye pretty good, so I can actually see better now."**_

 _**John let out a loud sigh before he said somewhat dejectedly,** _ **"Yeah I do understand Addy. And Bobby told me about your Mom. I'm sorry to hear about her. I assume you took care of everything?"**

_**Since he had posed his last statement as a question, I quickly replied, "Yes sir. I took care of everything just like I was supposed to."** _

" **Good girl. Now the Wendigo, it's…?"**

" _ **Dead," I replied dutifully before more heatedly saying, "Seriously John I know how to do the job! I killed the Wendigo, I took out the werewolf that… That… That killed Mum. I made sure she got a proper hunter's funeral. Not to mention that Bobby doesn't know about me vanquishing two… Wait no THREE spirits; I have a lead on a vampire coven that's trying to expand by munching on people in my age group and I've heard some whispers about Kelpie down in the Bayou that turns out to be true… Did I miss anything?"**_

 _**He cleared his throat purposefully then replied,** _ **"Yes you did… You missed the fact that I'm still your elder and that I deserve to be spoken to with a bit more respect than that young lady."**

" _ **John…" I started apologetically as I looked out to the motel and wished that I had ignored my phone to find a somewhat comfortable bed to fall asleep in. "I'm sorry if you feel like that, but I'm not a little girl so you don't get to just boss me around like you can with Dean and Sam. You're not my… I… I've been doing this job my whole life, so I'm fine."**_

_**If anyone asked, I would have blamed my boldness on my sleep deprivation because I hadn't slept long the night before, but in reality John was just receiving the tone I had always wanted to use with my own father. Of course the one time I had used it with Sydney he had beaten me nearly to death, so using it on the phone with John seemed like a safe bet, which probably gave me this false sense of confidence.** _

_**I'm sure that I could hear John gritting his teeth as he replied,** _ **"Oh really? You're so grown, strong and seasoned that you just let some bar bum beat the shit out of you in the parking lot of some seedy bar? You think that that proves you've made it Little Girl?"**

" _ **No," I nearly sobbed out. I hated that John could make me feel so small, so I opted to use my anger against him instead. "I didn't… I didn't 'just let' him John. He… he caught me off guard and… and I thought I stopped him before he went too far… But then… Well Bobby told me that my eye might be infected, so I should take some time off to heal… But hey! I'm human! I made a mistake! Sue me!"**_

" **Yeah he told me something like that too,"** _ **John stated in his patented tone of superiority.**_ **"So? Are you? And by that I mean are you giving your body the rest it craves and deserves after everything you've done to it?"**

_**Even though I hated it more than anything else I answered with a weak and somewhat whiney, "Why do you even care?"** _

_**The phone line went so quiet that I thought John had hung up. I pulled my phone away to check the screen and then I heard him clear his throat again.** _

" **Addy I care because… Well you're family and I always look out for my family,"** _ **he explained in a much more tender and somewhat shocked tone.**_

" _ **John, no I'm…"**_

 _**He lowered his voice then interrupted,** _ **"That baby you gave birth to made you a part of my family… No matter what you think or say, you're kin to us. So I'll ask you again, since you took off from here, are you going somewhere else where you can rest?"**

" _ **Yes sir," I nearly whispered trying not to let him hear how much his words had affected me.**_

" **Good. Now where was the bar where you were jumped? I just need the name and State."**

" _ **What?" I asked genuinely confused.**_

 _**His voice hardened again as he replied,** _ **"Like I said, I look out for my family Adelaide and I want to see how that coward will do up against someone his own size. Now name and State?"**

" _ **John I told you I took care of it, so I'm hanging up now," I answered feeling even more exhausted.**_

" **Addy… Addy! Wait… Wait just one second… Please?"**

_**Even though he couldn't see it, my face contorted into a suspicious scowl at hearing him say 'Please' as I said, "Okay… Go ahead."** _

" **Like I said before, I understand why you're avoiding Dean and that's your choice… But I can't be sure that you really are okay unless I see you with my own two eyes, so… So next time you see my truck just make sure you come and find me before you take off okay?"**

" _ **John… I… I don't… I just really…" I tried to explain while stumbling over my words.**_

" **I'm just saying come see me… Forget about Dean… Keep avoiding him if that makes you happy... He's not in the equation… Just make sure you see me in person. Deal?"**

_**I swallowed hard, not really sure what I was going to answer until I whispered, "Deal."** _

" **Good… Good. Now, where was this bar and what was it called?"**

_**I sputtered out a loud laugh then said, "Goodbye John."** _

_**He thankfully chuckled too saying,** _ **"I'll see you soon Addy."**

_**I once again had a dreamless sleep and woke up the next morning feeling a bit more rested (mostly because I had actually slept for nearly 24 hours this time around). My game plan was to grab some groceries and to hide out at the motel for a few days. Since I had spoken with John, I figured I didn't need to call Bobby to let him know that I was okay, but I still did want to apologize to him. While I poked my head out the curtains to check the weather, I dialed his number to do just that.** _

" **Yeah?"** _ **A very groggy male's voice answered. I wasn't sure if Dean would recognize my voice or not so I remained silent causing him to say angrily,**_ **"What the hell do you want? Who the fuck are you and why are you calling this early?"**

_**I quickly terminated the call and stared at my phone stupidly wondering if they might have anyway to find out it was me even though I knew that Bobby didn't have Caller ID. While I reminded myself that I was just being silly, I finally did check the sky to decide what I should wear. Out in the parking lot I saw what I thought was a bit of a commotion that turned out to be a tow truck next to a car that looked an awful lot like Dean's Impala.** _

_**As I continued to scan the parking lot, my eyes landed on John's truck. I couldn't help but laugh because he had just made me promise to call him and I hadn't anticipated having to make good on that promise so soon.** _

" **Hello?"**

" _ **Hey John. So where are you towing Dean's car to?"**_

" **Addy? How'd…?"** _ **He questioned as he turned to look around the parking lot.**_ **"How do you know that I'm having his car towed?"**

_**I laughed from my open door where I was watching him then replied, "Turn around again, I'm in room seven." He turned and smiled then looked slightly confused. "Hey! You made me promise to call you…"** _

" **That I did. Let me finish up here and I'll be right over."**

_**While I waited for him, I pulled out a change of clothes but John was knocking on my door before I got a chance to change out of my pajamas. John had known me long enough to have seen me in worse than an oversized men's t-shirt and flannel boxers, but for some reason I really wanted to be dressed in my street clothes right then. I opened the door for him and somewhat hid behind it in a futile attempt to delay the inevitable.** _

_**As soon as I turned to face him, John captured my chin in his hand much like Bobby had the night before last. "Huh… Doesn't look as bad as Bobby said it was…"** _

" _ **Oh… Well I've iced it and been taking the antibiotics Bobby gave me and some anti-inflammatories, so I guess all of that's working," I replied as I removed his hand from my face and tried to side step around him.**_

_**He completely blocked my path then said, "That's good to hear. Now… Let's take a look at the damage on your body."** _

_**John took the hem of my shirt into both of his hands and started to pull it up. I quickly grabbed him by the wrists nearly shrieking out a surprised, "John! What are you doing?"** _

" _ **Bobby said that the asshole at the bar worked you over pretty good while you had stitches, so I want to check on that too."**_

_**Because this was John Winchester I knew that it wasn't a request, but I still tried to stop him saying, "Everything's fine. Bobby already triple checked all of it."** _

_**His jaw set into a stubborn line as he shook his head. He tried to move my shirt again and I struggled with all my might to get him to stop as he angrily said, "Adelaide, I already told you that I want to see it all for myself. You didn't mind showing Bobby."** _

" _ **Okay… Okay… But just slow down a second," I nearly pleaded. "I wasn't in my pajamas then so there was no chance of me flashing him…"**_

_**John was just short of rolling his eyes as he reluctantly let go of my shirt. I turned and snatched up my change of clothes and nearly ran to the bathroom while John tersely ordered, "Fine go get changed… But hurry up!"** _

_**I slammed the door to the bathroom then stood with my back against it hyperventilating through my annoyance. In the back of my mind I knew he was just looking out for me, but I had been on my own for long enough now that I instantly felt resentful about his treatment of me. My resentment instantly turned into defiance as I stripped my sleep shirt off at such a slow pace that it barely looked like I was moving. When I was naked from the waist up, I contemplated walking out into the other room just like that, but then my gaze focused on the bruises that were scattered across the span of my torso.** _

_**I stepped closer to the mirror and choked back a sob at how dark some of them still looked despite them having had had weeks to heal. I must have stood there in a stunned silence for longer than was acceptable to John because I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of him pounding on the door while rattling the door knob.** _

_**Without answering his shouts, I put on just my black cotton bra and threw the door open. John's face had flushed red with anger and he looked like he was going to yell at me, but the sight of my injuries rendered him completely mute.** _

_**His hands landed on my waist before they slowly traveled up to my ribcage as he said, "Damn… How old are these?"** _

" _ **A couple of weeks," I replied quietly.**_

_**His eyes finally moved up to my face then as he asked, "What the hell did he use? A metal pipe?"** _

_**I shook my head whispering, "Steel toed boots."** _

" _ **Shit… He really did want to hurt you," he commented almost absentmindedly. He then pressed down hard on my ribs causing me to squeeze my eyes shut and issued a pain filled moan. "They don't feel broken… You lucked out there Kiddo." Before I could respond, he roughly turned me around then hissed out a breath. "Shit… Addy…"**_

_**I just bit my lip and gripped the sink edge tightly to keep myself from reacting to anything John was saying or doing. He lightly traced the three matching scars on my lower back before running both hands up my sides to my ribs. Once again he applied firm pressure to the bones under his hands. I bit my lip so hard that I nearly drew blood until I gasped in a breath at feeling him move one of my bra straps off my shoulder.** _

" _ **Shit… He broke the skin here…" I knew all of this already but I still nodded as John continued to itemize some more of the injuries he found.**_

_**When he had had his fill, John draped a button down blouse over my back and shoulders. After I had the majority of the buttons done up, I turned back to face John, but kept my eyes on my hands to avoid looking at his face.** _

" _ **So looks like nothing's broken, but you most likely have a couple of bruised ribs. The lacerations look clean and so do the claw marks… They've actually healed nicely," John reported very matter-of-factly. "And even though the other bruises are pretty deep, I don't think you'll have any complications." I nodded in understanding, but kept my face tilted down until he forced my chin up with a bent finger as he gently asked, "All of this was over you turning him down and hustling him out of a hundred bucks?"**_

" _ **Yes," I whispered guiltily with my eyes closed again to help hide that I was lying.**_

" _ **You should have just slept with him Kiddo, I'm sure it would have hurt less," he stated somewhat humorously.**_

_**My eyes flew open and I shoved John away as I angrily retorted, "Sorry but that seemed a little too whorish for my tastes."** _

" _ **Because this…" He paused and waved his hand up and down vaguely in the direction of my torso. "This is a better solution."**_

_**I scoffed then tried to leave the bathroom but John stopped me by grabbing my upper arm tightly. My free hand flew up and shoved against John's chest, but he wouldn't budge so I stopped then glared at him nearly spitting as I spoke, "At least I got to keep my dignity."** _

" _ **Dignity?" He snorted out with a laugh. "Right because any self-respecting hunter is okay with having their ass handed to them by a human."**_

" _ **Yeah… Well… You weren't there," I replied as I gave his torso another violent shove. This one must have caught him off guard because he stumbled back a step. While he was still off balance, I pushed him again growling out, "So don't you fucking judge me Winchester."**_

_**He stared at me for a breath before he opened his mouth to speak. I had already made it to the main room where his cell phone was ringing in the pocket of his jacket and before he could say anything else I tossed it in his direction saying, "You might want to get that."** _

_**He caught it and glared at me but did actually answer it. From his side of the conversation I could tell that he was talking to Dean so I scooped up my phone and quickly dialed Bobby's number.** _

_**I apologized to Bobby for running out on him and he of course instantly forgave me. I then told him about the jobs that I had found and he was more than happy to help me fill in some of the holes that I had in my research, after making me promise that I would wait at least a couple of days before heading out. By the time John was finished with his conversation, I was seated at the table near the door feverishly scribbling down practically everything that Bobby was telling me.** _

_**I knew that John had expected me to end my call to finish my 'conversation' with him, so I pointedly ignored him while Bobby gave me the information that I needed.** _

" _ **That's awesome Bobby. Thanks for the help. I'll talk to you soon… No I won't be leaving for a few days at least… Yes I promise I'll call if I need any backup… Yes I promise! I swear… Yeah… Okay… Alright… Thanks again."**_

_**I continued to write a few more thoughts and said without looking up, "I thought that you would have let yourself out. Was there something else you wanted to yell at me about?"** _

_**John grabbed my chair and yanked it out about a foot from the table in one easy movement. I tossed the pen I was holding onto the table, crossed my arms over my chest and tried my best not to let my face shift out of an unhappy frown. He leaned in dangerously close causing me to swallow nervously while I continued to try not to flinch.** _

" _ **I know there's something you aren't telling me Adelaide Jones," he informed me once our noses were almost touching.**_

" _ **What makes you think you're so special that I would lie to you?" I countered with a strong, confident (albeit defiant) tone, happy with myself that I stood my ground and didn't move in my seat.**_

_**He took in a deep breath then stood up straight so that he was towering over me. I had to force myself not to squirm but I couldn't help but squeeze my eyes shut when he raised his hand up while I waited for him to backhand me across the face. I felt air rush past my cheek then jumped when his knuckles brushed gently across my skin.** _

" _ **Why? Yeah… That's a good question because I don't know either." Tears trickled down my cheeks when I opened my eyes to continue to glare at him. You could see that he was still annoyed, but he forced himself to keep his voice soft as he continued, "But I do know that you would never let a stranger do this to you. So I'll ask you just one more time… Who did this to you Addy?"**_

" _ **John…" I tearfully pleaded. "I… I can't… I… I just…"**_

_**He nodded then made his way to the door. Before exiting he paused briefly and without turning around to look at me announced, "When you're ready to talk about it, I'll have a bottle of Jack and an open ear." Then he abruptly left me alone in the room to contemplate my next move.** _

"So Bobby never questioned you…? He just believed your story all along?" Toby asked as he rolled his head one his pillow to look at me.

I moved just my eyes to look back at him and managed to keep my voice even as I asked, "Believed…? What do you mean Toby? That's how it happened."

Toby scoffed then resumed looking at his ceiling replying, "Sure… Yeah… Of course it is." Before I could try to defend myself again he added, "I'm not a little kid anymore Addy. I remember the night you came to our house all bloody. Dad had me stay with you because you were afraid to sleep alone and he was trying to calm Mom down without me knowing she was hysterical… You were hurt bad and you whimpered, 'No Daddy, please? Don't' over and over during the night."

I laid perfectly still with my eyes closed cursing myself for not making sure that Castiel had whitewashed that memory from the Connors minds. Toby turned his eye to check on my reaction and smiled sadly when he saw that he had managed to shock me into silence. "And then Mom and Dad suddenly stopped talking to Uncle Sydney. When I was like nine or ten, Uncle Sydney did actually come over to our house, I think he was scared and wanted to find out if you were okay… I didn't really see much, but I heard Dad yelling at him from my room, so I knew that that night wasn't a nightmare… I don't think I saw Uncle Sydney after that."

Tears rolled out of my eyes into my hairline, so I started breathing through my mouth so that Toby wouldn't hear my sniffling. I wasn't crying because I knew that that was when Sydney had been killed during the Rising of the Witnesses, I was crying because it broke my heart that Toby had had to take care of me at such a young age.

"Please Addy? I just really want to know more about Bobby…"

"Yeah," I finally answered, still not taking my eyes off of the new mural of outer space that Toby had painted on his ceiling. "Yeah… Well no… He didn't believe BELIEVE me, but he figured that I'd tell him the truth in my own time. He didn't want to press too much and risk me freezing him out, so he pretended to believe it so that I would be sure to go back to him to get fixed up and stuff like that."

Toby shifted in his place slightly then said in a flat, even tone, "Yeah, sounds like he knew you pretty well… So how long did you freeze John out for?"

Since Toby's tone of voice and body language hadn't changed, it took me a couple of seconds to realize that he had made a joke. We remained in our places in silence until I felt him start to move, so I reached over and pinched his side replying, "He sure did… And I didn't freeze John out all that long… Just… Umm… Three or four years."

"Shit…" he whispered under his breath thinking I wouldn't hear him. I was going to reprimand him for his cussing but he swiftly followed up with an astonished, "Remind me never to piss you off, okay Addy?"

"Toby," I stated sternly. "Make sure you mind your parents and behave or you'll have me to deal with."

He was laughing as he rolled onto his side then propped his head on his hand with his elbow digging into his pillow so that he was looking down at me. "Will you tell me another story about Bobby that I haven't heard before? Please?"

I closed my eyes and folded my hands over my stomach while I tried to find another story that wasn't too salacious to tell Toby. (Or at least on that I could edit to be PG-13 like the last one, even though I had relived it in my mind in all of its Non-PG glory.)Toby misunderstood my actions and thought that I was trying to fall asleep on him, so he lowered his head to his pillow and settled in closer to my side quietly pleading, "Please Addy? I was just getting to know him and I'm finally old enough to hear some of the details you wouldn't tell me before. Please?"

All of that was true, but we both knew that I had cried a lot less when I was telling him stories about Bobby, so I was sure he was using the stories as a way to keep me distracted. He pressed up to my side then somewhat awkwardly placed his head on my shoulder forcing me to move my left arm to hook it around his neck so that we would both be more comfortable.

"Okay… So back when Sam and Dean first met Meg… Well the demon we call Meg…" I started slowly and paused when I felt Toby shiver. "Oh shh… Crap. Sorry Buddy I almost forgot."

"No," he replied quickly while shaking his head to stop my apology. "It wasn't really her and… Well… It was the job that brought you and Dean back together so I'm okay with hearing her name. I swear Addy I really am, so you can go on."

It'd been weeks since I had heard from Dean and I had even turned down a few jobs from my contacts so that he would know where to find me while I was spending time with the Connors. I hadn't really told Toby or his parents that I hadn't talked to Dean (despite my numerous phone messages) because I didn't want them to take his silence the wrong way. I had heard about his single-mindedness after John passed and then lived through it after we lost Sam and Castiel, so I was willing to give him the space he thought he needed right now. That being said, I still made sure to call him periodically to extend well wishes from our son. I knew that even though he would see through the ruse that he wouldn't find it in his heart to get mad at me because he missed spending time with Toby too.

"Okay," I replied quietly. "But if anything seems like it's… Too much… Just let me know, alright?"

He draped an arm over my stomach then hugged me answering, "Promise."

"Alright… So I know that I told you all about what happened to Sam when he was possessed so that you'd know how bad it is…" He nodded then instinctively pulled out his anti-possession medallion he wore around his neck. "Well after I heard a few whispers about some hunters being hurt, I rushed over to Bobby's house to check on him."

_**By the time I got to Sioux Falls, it was still light out so I sat at the end of Bobby's driveway debating if I should wait until it was dark before I continued on. I had only been hearing rumors about what had happened and that a group of hunters were offering a bounty for the head of Steve Wandell's murderer, but for some reason I couldn't shake the feeling that I had to make sure Bobby was okay.** _

_**Most rational people would have just called their old family friend on the phone to check on them, but any hunter worth their salt would have been embarrassed to do that. There were too many ways to imitate someone's voice or to cover up a possession over the phone, so here I sat in my car. Admittedly I would feel more comfortable going after the unknown under the cover of night, but Bobby was too important to me not to venture out of my comfort zone to do what needed to be done.** _

_**When I pulled into his yard, I instinctively checked the cars that were parked near the house. A couple of the cars that Bobby regularly used were there and then my brain finally rang an alarm bell as I slammed on the breaks hard enough to give me whiplash. My eyes darted over every inch of the yard and then I slowly made my way to the back of the house, still scanning every inch of land my eyes could see.** _

**Thank you God** _**I silently praised when I didn't see the familiar black 1967 Impala that would have been a sign that Dean was here too.** _

_**After I had parked my car, I stuffed my pockets with two flasks of Holy Water, a silver switchblade, an iron knife and a syringe filled with Dead Man's blood while still frantically surveying the yard periodically. My plan was to do a little break and enter action through a window in the basement in order to sneak up on Bobby or anything that was using Bobby's face right now and even though it was daylight I was going to stick to that plan. I figured that if I could do this easily at night, then doing it during the day should be that much easier.** _

_**To date I had only needed to sneak out of Bobby's house a couple of times and each of those times I had just used one of the doors while Bobby was distracted. But over the past six years, I had become and expert at breaking into my childhood home undetected in case Sydney had parked his truck in the garage while he was at home. I could even get in and out of my second floor bedroom window without Sydney noticing, but Bobby wasn't polite enough to have any lattice work on the side of his house to make that possible, so I started circling the house to find a window I could pry open.** _

_**Almost as soon as I bent down to check one of the basement windows that looked like it was partially open, I felt something smack me in the middle of my back. Although it winded me, I didn't fall down, so they took another swing, causing me to fall hard onto my stomach. I was still gasping in mouthfuls of air laced with dirt when I felt the metal blade of a shovel being shoved into my neck at the base of my skull.** _

" _ **It ain't very nice to break into someone's house," Bobby cautioned with a painfully strained voice.**_

_**I got my hands out from under me to show him they were empty and he eased up just a bit. When I started to roll over, he pulled the shovel back enough for me to land on my back. I kept my hands raised over my head and tried to smile, but then I started to cough which elicited a confused frown from my 'attacker'.** _

" _ **Addy?" He questioned before he looked at the shovel in his hands and tossed it to one side. "Is that really you Koala Bear?"**_

_**I remained flat on my back and didn't move except to nod until Bobby extended a hand down towards me. After I stared at it for a heartbeat, he waved it towards me more insistently until I finally took it in mine. Even though he noticeably winced, Bobby did most of the work to get me to my feet. I doubled over and coughed out some dirt that was still in my mouth so Bobby gave my back a few hard smacks to help me regain my breath.** _

" _ **I'm sorry Sweetheart, I didn't recognize you with the new coif," he explained apologetically as he wrapped an arm around my waist.**_

_**I hugged his waist then replied with a gravelly voice, "Yeah it's new. I had a run in with a barber's ghost who thought he was Sweeney Todd." I ran my fingers through my hair that now ended just above my shoulders, but I kept moving as if they continued to the more familiar length of the small of my back. "When I finally got into a salon she had to cut it this short to make sure it was even. I always thought I looked stupid with a bob."** _

_**Once we helped each other through the back door, Bobby stepped in front of me and gave me a long, considering look. After he ran his fingers through each side of my hair as if he was checking that the lengths on each side matched, he gently patted my head then said, "Well you wear it well... And you look cute… Alright, why don't you go get cleaned up in the bathroom and I'll grab you a drink?"** _

_**I just smiled, nodded and then followed his instructions without actually saying a word. After I had 99.9% of the dirt washed off my face and out of my mouth, I took my jacket off and shook it vigorously to knock some of the dirt off of it. When I got to the kitchen, Bobby passed me a bottle of beer, but before he could say his 'toast' out loud, I continued past him to drape my jacket over the back of a chair by a table covered in piles and piles of books.** _

_**Still ignoring Bobby to some degree, I took a long swig from my beer bottle as I approached his study. No one would ever accuse Bobby of being a neat freak, but what I saw caused my eyebrows to tilt down and my forehead to scrunch together as I thought** _ **What the fuck happened here?**

_**I was pulling my bottle away from my lips after another generous drink of beer as I turned back towards him and sarcastically commented, "So you're still watering down your beer, eh Bobby? You know… I'm not nineteen anymore."** _

_**He shared a knowing smile with me as he exchanged the beer bottle laced with Holy Water for a glass half filled with straight up whiskey. "And not to nit-pick, but uhh… The study's looking a little worse… Well worser for wear… What the hell have you been up to?"** _

_**Bobby gestured towards one of the chairs in the kitchen and as I sat down he took a seat explaining, "You don't slow down for a minute, do you?" I was mid-drink so I couldn't reply and he snickered before continuing, "I'm guessing you're here because of what happened to Steve Wandell, right?"** _

_**I sputtered slightly before swallowing the liquid in my mouth then answered, "Yeah… I heard something was going after hunters and I… I was worried about you."** _

" _ **Aww… Ain't you sweet," Bobby said trying to joke away my concern. I had already told him a condensed version of what Sydney had done to me and why (of course Bobby had seen the bruises so I didn't have to go into too much detail), so I hadn't expected him to be surprised that I hadn't rushed home to see if the man everyone called my dad was okay. "But I'm fine Koala Bear. It did come after me thinking I was as dumb as a newbie on their first job, but you know I ain't going down that easy."**_

" _ **So the plaster on the floor, the glass, the blood, the crack in the ceiling…? That's from you what? Fighting a psychopath?" I questioned as I exchanged the glass of whiskey for the beer bottle.**_

_**Bobby moved to stop me saying, "Addy you already passed the test, you don't have to drink that."** _

" _ **I know," I replied shrugging nonchalantly. "But I think I'd rather be sober for this story. I owe Sarah that much because she's going to want details about what killed her dad."**_

_**Bobby gave me a knowing nod then replied, "No, it wasn't a psychopath. Just a well-meaning hunter that was dumb enough to get himself possessed."** _

_**We exchanged a look which caused me to ask, "Hunter? Who's arrogant enough to…?" I stopped then watched Bobby sip his drink. "No… Bobby… Please tell me it wasn't…"** _

" _ **Dean?" He questioned flatly. "No Koala bear, he got hit just as hard as me… Well actually worse than me."**_

" _ **Really? Because you're looking like you're still in pain… What did you guys do?"**_

_**Bobby smirked then said as he poured himself another drink, "Well I ain't as young as I used to be… But yeah… Dean and I had to exorcise the demon out of Sam after it had some fun busting up the study with… Well us."** _

" _ **Sam…" I sighed with some relief. "Really… Shit… SHIT! Did he…?"**_

_**Bobby just nodded so I bit my lip then said, "Don't worry Bobby… Steve… He had everything set up for Sarah so her school is more than covered." Bobby just gave me a wide-eyed look so I teasingly added, "What? Do you think she'll want to do more than one Doctorate?"** _

" _ **How do you know all of that Addy?" Bobby asked almost suspiciously.**_

" _ **He asked me to talk to her before she went off to school. He had all of the money stuff set up but he still wanted to be sure that she had all of the protecting herself stuff down too, so I sat down with her to do a double check as her concerned friend before she settled down in her dorm."**_

_**Bobby was shaking his head in disbelief then replied, "Alright, so Sarah's good… Well as good as it gets. So that would bring me to my next area of concern."** _

_**I watched Bobby as he moved quickly to the desk in his study then he produced a small leather pouch for me to take. I opened it up and slowly pulled out the pendant inside out as Bobby explained, "That's an anti-possession charm… I know you know what you're doing, but right now it couldn't hurt for all of us to take extra precautions."** _

_**I replaced the charm in the bag then passed it back to Bobbly pleasantly saying, "No, you're totally right… It doesn't hurt for us to be prepared but…" I stood up and placed my left foot on a chair so he could see my inner left ankle. "But Mum already made sure that I was covered."** _

_**Bobby leaned in close to check my tattoo of a pentagram inside a sun burst before looking up at me with a questioning frown.** _

" _ **Mum had been possessed once and she always told me that it was a miracle that it was exorcised before she died, so she looked into it and found this," I explained almost shyly.**_

" _ **Oh…" Bobby replied slightly stunned. "I didn't know."**_

_**Without missing a beat I said, "Well now you do. So…? You're upper floor is beyond fucked… Do you have a good, non-crooked contractor?" Bobby just shook his head with an annoyed scowl on his face. "Okay. You don't… Well I'll call Bill. I'm sure he knows someone who won't skip out on mid-job."** _

_**Bobby grabbed my hand as I dialed then mouthed, "Thanks Koala Bear."** _

_**Bill told me that while the repairs were being done that someone should be there to pay the foreman every day. Bobby had hoped that he could just give someone a lump sum and let it be, so when I told him that wasn't a good idea he told me that I was now in charge. Most of the workers had seen our heated debate and when I came out as the victor, they just avoided my gaze to work as hard as they could.** _

_**As the job neared the finishing stages, I idly mused to Bobby that I found it funny that none of the workers had tried to hit on me. While we were eating our dinner, he told me that it was because they thought I was his much younger mistress and that they had seen his gun collection as well. I just laughed at that explanation because I could tell that the repairs were done better than well and I surmised that it was the guys way of trying to impress me.** _

" _ **Well it's taking more than a bit of work, but the study's ceiling is almost fixed, but your… Umm… Key of Solomon… Yeah that's completely screwed."**_

" _ **Yeah," Bobby agreed as he looked up at the newly patched ceiling and nodded for me to follow him into the kitchen. "Addy? Do you think you could help me out by staying here alone while you keep an eye on this to the end of this for me?"**_

_**I pulled him down the back stairs to the back yard before I answered, "Sure I can… But… Uhh… Where are you going and what are you going to be taking care of?"** _

_**Bobby sighed then said, "I… I don't really know how many details you would want Koala Bear… But… Ah hell… Dean and Sam are working on something weird in Ohio, but neither of them…"** _

_**Before he could finish I gently placed my fingers over his lips saying, "Go on Bobby. Go and make sure they don't die. I'll paint the ceiling myself and I'll make sure that they get everything fixed up properly."** _

_**Bobby just held my face so I pushed against his stomach saying more insistently, "I mean it Bobby. Your house will be good as new and just as demon proof as it was before the demon screwed it up."** _

_**Bobby finally leaned in to kiss my cheek and replied, "Thanks Addy. I'll check in with you soon."** _

" _ **Call if you need any help," I offered automatically.**_

_**Bobby knew that I really did mean it and that I would have gone to Ohio even though I had been working so hard to stay away from Dean. If Bobby needed my help I'd be there, so he smiled softly and said, "I'll call you later."** _

"So Bobby's the reason you knew about what Dean was doing with his brother?" Toby asked as he shifted in my arms so that he could see my face.

We both then rolled onto our side and I nodded my head saying, "Yeah… Well after Mum died he was. Anytime I worked with John, we avoided talking about Dean or Sam for that matter because Sam had taken off to school."

Suddenly tears started spilling down Toby's cheeks, so I snatched him into a hug. With his face pressed to my shoulder, he shuddered slightly then let out a small sob. I tried to hug him tighter, but he quickly pushed back and out of my arms.

He didn't make any attempt to dry his face before he frantically said, "I don't want you to die… Please don't go…"

"Toby," I started with a tone of soft concern. "What…? What do you mean?"

He abruptly sat up then swiped his palms against his cheeks and explained, "All of your stories… Every one of them… someone died. Every hunter you've talked about has died. Even Dean and Sam have died at least once…"

"Oh Toby it's…" I tried to interrupt him.

"No! I mean it Addy! We just spent months thinking that a monster had killed you at Bobby's house and now one of them has actually killed Bobby. If… if… if you love us, you'll stay here with us so it doesn't happen to you. Please?"

I sat up and brushed a tear off of his chin then tried to reply, "Tobs you know that I love you guys like you're my own flesh and blood, but… But I… I can't just stay here and not try to find the thing that killed Bobby."

"Dean and Sam are working on it, so just let them take care of it," he countered as he took my hands in his. "Then you can stay here and be a part of our family forever."

"Buddy, that… That's not how it works. That's not how I work," I explained extracting one of my hands to hold his cheek. "I've tried the domestic routine before, remember? And I still…"

"Still felt the need to hunt," he finished sounding defeated.

"It's not just a job, it's who I am Toby," I stated in a soft, loving tone. He nodded but still had a pleading look in his eye so I tried to think of something else I could say to get him to understand what I was saying without me breaking his heart. "Tobs… Toby… What if I told you that you could never play baseball ever again, just because I said so?"

"I would hate it and probably hate you for not letting me play." I gave him a look as if to say "See?" to which he replied, "But I won't get killed playing baseball."

"That's true and even thought your argument is valid…"

"If I force you to stay here then you'll stop loving us," he finished almost shyly.

I held his cheeks to force eye contact as I replied, "I will ALWAYS love you, ALWAYS. But yes… I might start to resent you and I'd probably become pretty miserable to live with… Especially when I know that I could be out helping people."

He nodded again then whispered, "But I don't want you to die."

"And I don't want that to happen to me either… But with everything's that happened over the last few years there's less and less of us that know about all of this weird stuff…"

He leaned forward to hug me then rested himself against my body quietly saying, "Tell me a story about someone who isn't dead."

I petted the back of his head and tried to ask a question but he then sat back to look into my face, "I know… I do… I know that you have to go, just… Not yet, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered as I let him pull be down onto the bed again. As we got comfortable I said, "About nine years ago, give or take, I was working this weird case. On the surface it looked like an easy haunting, but I couldn't find the grave of our spirit no matter what I did. After taking longer than normal, I finally found it… Then I saw Sydney with Dean and John at the same motel as me…" Toby pushed out of my arms looking annoyed but before he could say anything I yanked him back to my side. "Hey… Trust me; this is a good story… Now where was I? Right… So I managed to dump the job off on John because I had somewhere important I had to be the next day..."

I felt Toby relax against me as he nuzzled his head against my shoulder and whispered, "Where did you have to be?"

I smiled to myself then continued, "And Luckily I made it there in time too because there was this stubborn little boy who was refusing to leave his room to go to school until I got there…" I had expected Toby to protest at hearing a story about himself, but he remained silent so I carefully checked on him. When I saw that he was sleeping I kissed his head and whispered, "I will always love you my Toby, nothing and no one will change that."


	30. I'm Still Paying For it Everyday

"Hey Addy? Could you come back here for a second please?"

I was still trying to dry some of the sweat dripping down my hairline with my sleeve as I stepped back into the spare bedroom asking, "What's up Buddy?"

Toby was standing in the closet focused solely on hitting various parts of the floor with the heel of his right foot once I got back into the room. I watched him for a bit and then asked, "Toby? What are you doing?"

"I dropped the tape gun," he explained without taking his eyes off his feet. "And then I found this…"

While he kicked his heel against one specific floorboard, I approached him as quietly as I could. I thought I heard a hallow THUD, so I knelt down in front of him and knocked on the wood under his feet. This time there was no doubt that I heard a hallow echo coming from the floor. I looked up at Toby with a questioning scowl to which he replied by shrugging and kneeling to one side of the closet.

"I thought you might have made a hiding place in here since there's one in your old bedroom too." Toby looked up to my face and then saw the confused frown I was wearing. "You know…? The loose floorboard in the closet in your old room that's filled with a stash of salt canisters?"

I shook my head slowly then replied, "Sorry Buddy, but I have no idea what you're talking about. The only hiding places I made are in the master bedroom."

"Huh…" Suddenly a mischievous grin spread across his lips as he said, "Well I guess there's only one way to find out who put this here."

"You can say that again," I agreed as I motioned for him to do the honor of the unveiling of the contents of this hidey-hole.

Without any hesitation or attempts to double check with me, Toby quickly slammed his fist on one end of the floorboard to force the opposite end up. I continued to watch him as he took the wooden board in his hands, lifted it up slowly and then gently placed it behind himself. Once he had the hiding place uncovered, he looked back at me to check my reaction.

I was staring at the hole in the floor trying to figure out who it could have been that had put it here. My Poppy and Mum would have thought of doing something like this, but then again neither of them would have been able to have kept it a secret for very long. Christmases and birthdays had always been amusing for me because I loved watching both of them try to contain their excitement about the presents that they had bought. Seeing the two of them together always made me wonder how Poppy wasn't really Mum's dad instead go being Sydney's. But those thoughts were always easily forgotten when Mum or Poppy couldn't contain their excitement anymore and would 'force' me to open at least one present nearly a week before my actual birthday or Christmas Day.

Toby tried his best to wait for me to make the next move, but I was too lost in my own thoughts to continue. Once his impatience hit its peak, I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw him start to reach inside. Without really thinking about it, I swiftly grabbed him by the wrist in a bruising grip.

He stared at me in confused shock, so I made sure my voice held no severity in it as I said, "Tobs we don't know who put all of this in here, so we've got to be careful, okay?"

"I know Addy," Toby replied with a large smirk. "That's why I was grabbing this first."

I released his arm and then he carefully extracted a flashlight. While he checked if it had batteries, he quipped teasingly, "And if someone WAS going to booby trap a hidden compartment in the floor, wouldn't they have put it in the lid?"

He got the flashlight working and grinned even wider. I shoved his shoulder playfully as I replied, "Yeah yeah yeah, yuk it up… Now let's see what's in there."

We both went up on our knees so that we could more easily see into the hole while Toby moved the flashlight's beam over the contents below. The compartment was stuffed full of everything from canisters of salt, boxes of ammunition, books of matches, bottles of lighter fluid, knives and a canvas bag. Toby moved to reach inside, but stopped himself and looked up at me for permission instead. I smiled warmly and suppressed a chuckle as I nodded for him to go ahead and start unloading the contents.

He pulled out a box of ammunition labeled "SILVER", passed it to me and then pulled out another labeled "LEAD". He looked that box over closely before plucking out a larger box with the word "SALT" scrolled across the lid. I opened the first box and then the third box and smiled brightly when I found them both filled with the rounds that they were labeled to contain.

"Awesome! There are actually silver and salt rounds in here," I exclaimed quietly.

Toby snickered quietly then asked, "Should I give you a moment alone with the ammo?"

"What?" I asked no looking up from pulling out more paper boxes.

"It's just… You're sounding a little… You know…" He replied wagging his eyebrows suggestively. When I finally lifted my eyes to meet his gaze, I blushed brightly and he laughed loudly. "Wow! THAT made you blush?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes and laughed softly. He was just about to continue to tease me, but then his eyes once again landed on one of the boxes that we had extracted that I was holding. Suddenly he snatched it out of my hand saying in complete awe, "Wait… Isn't that John's writing?"

"Yeah," I replied with a chuckle. "He was a natural at pouring his own rounds. I still completely suck at it… I never seem to get the silver hot enough. But how…? How do you know what John's writing looks like?"

Toby continued to pull out some more of the supplies and carefully packed them into the canvas bag so that he could avoid eye contact as he explained, "While you were missing I… Umm… I kind of blamed Dean for all of it… He and Sam came to visit to sort of try to… Uhh… Fix things with me… Umm… Well I was being… You know… But then I found Dean in our backyard by himself reading something… It turned out that it was his dad's journal and he… Uhh… He had tears in his eyes…"

I got up and moved to Toby's side to give him a warm hug. I didn't say anything right then because I wanted to give him time to tell his tale, but at the same time I wanted him to know that I was there for him no matter what he wanted or needed to say to me.

He pushed himself out of my arms and then took a bracing breath before continuing, "Yeah… So when I saw that I knew he was missing you as much as I was… Or more… And… Yeah… I decided to put an end to my 'freeze out' and he let me look at John's journal…"

"Toby," I said despondently. "What happened to me wasn't Dean's fault."

"I know… Well I believe it now and I did properly apologize to him for being such a jerk before they left to track down Dick Roman."

I smiled sadly and squeezed his knee saying, "Okay that's good to hear…" He was now fidgeting in his spot, flipping a canister of salt between his hands so I quietly asked, "So what else is in that hole there Buddy?"

He looked over at me like he was going to ask if I was sure that I didn't want to make him talk more about what happened with Dean, but then he thought better of it. I would have been more than happy to listen to every minute detail, but he seemed so reluctant about going into the specifics about that subject that I didn't want to press… At least not yet. When he was ready to go over everything that h while I was missing, I knew that he would come to me to talk and I was content to wait.

"Huh… This is weird…" He mused as he reached in the hole to grab something and pulled it out slowly.

"What have you got there Tobs?"

His eyebrows knitted together and he just held up the two newspapers he found as his response. I took one of them from him, laughing softly to myself as I said, "You think having these with the rest of the stuff is weird?"

"Well why would anyone need old newspapers with their hunting supplies? I mean… Since you taught me it isn't smart to read on stakeouts because you could miss something, so what's the point?" When he saw that I was trying to keep from laughing, he asked with a bit more urgency, "What…? What's so funny?"

"Oh Tobs… You've gone camping, right?" He nodded, but didn't look convinced that my question had anything to do with the topic at hand. "Really? No one has taught you this trick?" I pulled off a couple of sheets and twisted them together tightly as I explained, "It's good to use them as a fire starter. Once you have it like this, you light one end then toss it into the grave after you've doused the bones with salt and lighter fluid… Or whatever accelerant you have on hand. I've always hated wasting a perfectly good Zippo if I didn't have to, so Mum taught me this."

Toby blushed slightly then meekly admitted, "Yeah I do know that trick, but I just… I hadn't really ever considered it being useful for hunting… Plus there's these…" He held up two unopened cases of paper matchbooks and shrugged.

"Yeah those are good too. Wow… There is literally everything you would need for a hunt in here," I observed as I pulled out and passed Toby two filled bottles of lighter fluid.

Toby finished packing the last of the supplies, except for the newspapers, into the canvas bag as he asked, "So now that you've been able to take a good look at everything, who do you think put it all in there? Your Mum? Or John? Or…?"

I looked into the hole again and then looked down at the newspaper I was holding. Out of everything it seemed like the most likely place for me to find a clue, so I decided to examine it more closely. The headlines meant nothing to me, but as soon as I read the date, I flinched and nearly started to shake. I moved to place it beside me, but paused when an envelope fell out. I caught a glimpse at the name scrawled across the front of it as it fell to the floor and threw the newspaper back where we had found it as quickly as I could.

"Addy…?" Toby questioned in a mild panic when he saw the color drain completely from my face. He picked up the envelope to read the inscription and then passed it to me asking in a quick-fire fashion, "Are you okay? Does this mean something to you? I don't recognize the writing… Do you know who wrote this? Did they put all this stuff in here? Do you know who it is?"

I snatched the envelope out of his hand and shoved it into my pocket as I stood up. He moved to follow me, but stopped to recover the hole in the closet first. I had made it out of the room by the time he was done, so he hopped up onto his feet, slipped the straps of the canvas bag over his right shoulder and then ran out to find me.

He nearly slammed into me in the hallway and before he could speak, he heard me mumbling to myself, "We should get these downstairs… There's so many of them to move…"

I tried lifting one end of a box that was way too heavy for me to move on my own, so Toby grabbed my arm to stop me. I didn't react or respond to his touch, so he moved closer to me and gripped my other arm tightly so that he could more easily shake me. He continued to shake me rather violently and repeated my name over and over until I finally shook my head and focused my attention on him.

"Tobs… Don will be here in a little bit and I really do need your help getting all of this downstairs," I said in a timid voice as I tried to take a step away from him.

He squeezed his hands around my biceps then answered, "Yeah I know that and I promise that I'll stay here and help you until I have to leave for practice, but… Umm… Only if you answer my question first."

I almost tried to play dumb and ask him which of his many questions he was referring to, but he just clenched his jaw and quirked an annoyed eyebrow to silence me. I swallowed hard and tried to step even further away, but Toby's grip just tightened even more to force me not to shy away from him right now. I tried to look him in the eye and answer him, but every time I opened my mouth my words got stuck in my throat. When he saw my difficulties speaking, his face completely softened and he whispered out a plea of, "Please Addy?"

I nodded then hoarsely said, "Sydney… It was Sydney."

"Oh," Toby exclaimed quietly while he finally let go of my arms. His left hand quickly removed the bag's straps off his should as he said, "Oh… Crap… Crap! What…? What should I…?"

He finally paused when my hand covered his and cease his motion. "Toby…" I started in a soft tender tone. "You should still keep all of that with you. I know that we haven't put a kit together for you yet and you'll need one if you're serious about hunting."

"I'm serious… I swear that I'm still serious about being a hunter Addy," he asserted desperately.

"Alright Tobs, I believe you. It's alright," I said with a warm smile as I pulled the straps back up onto his shoulder again. "So you'll keep this in a safe place at home until it's needed just like…"

"Just like I have with the shot gun and pistol you gave me after you moved back home," he interrupted with a tear-filled smile.

I pulled him into a hug then replied, "Good… Now… How about we get to moving these boxes downstairs?"

Toby nodded and gave me a tight smile, but he didn't say anything else about what we both knew was bothering me the most and just grabbed one end of the largest boxes in the group in the hallway. I tried to give him an easy smile, but I knew my eyes completely betrayed me as I gripped the opposite end. We then moved the rest of the boxes into the living room without saying another word. Every once in a while Toby would catch my eye and we would share a sad smile because he knew what the contents of these boxes had meant to me and what it meant for me to finally pack them away, let alone for me to give them away to someone else.

Once we had them all pile by the foot of the stairs, I wrapped my arms around my waist and just stared at them forlornly. Toby quickly check his watch, trying to do it stealthily so I wouldn't notice, but I caught it out of the corner of my eye before he moved to my side to reassure me.

Before he could speak, I rested my head against his shoulder saying, "I'm okay Buddy. In all honesty I should have done this a long time ago. I swear I'll be okay. This is something that I really needed to do… and you have your practice to get to, so you should get going…"

"I could stay if you want me to," he offered while pressing me against his side.

I gently pushed myself out of his embrace so that I could look up at his face to allow me to reply with a stronger voice, "I'm fine Toby. Plus… you have those try-outs coming up soon… and they could be really important for schools that might want to give you a scholarship, so you really do need to go, alright?"

"You're sure?"

I reached out to pet his cheek and felt myself calming into my more usual 'adult/motherly' role with the teen as I said, "I'm sure that I want you to do anything you can to follow your dreams. I'll be okay… I... I… Uhh… I think that I probably need to do the rest of this on my own, you know?"

He nodded, kissed my cheek and then quietly said, "I understand… But if you want company later for like a movie or whatever, you know where to find me."

"That I do Buddy, that I do," I replied with an almost teary smile as I escorted him to the door.

After he left, I continued to stare at the boxes and let a few more tears fall as I said a final 'Goodbye' to that part of my life. I thought that I had definitively closed that chapter of my journey a long time ago, but seeing all of these boxes piled together reminded me that deep down inside I still held out some hope that I could still have that life so long as it was all still in my house. Soon enough my sobs of regret turned into tears of relief and I could feel a weight lift off of my shoulders and more importantly my soul.

Once my tears morphed into a soft smile of acceptance, I dried my cheeks on a rag I had found to dry my sweat off my face while I worked with Toby and then I found myself in front of the liquor cabinet in the living room. As I opened one of its doors, I wasn't completely certain what I was looking for until I knelt down so that I was eye level with the bottles on the shelf. Without consciously wanting to, I moved a few bottles at the front so that I could reach the one that I had shoved to the back in an effort to try to forget about its mere existence years ago.

After I carefully pulled out the square, three quarters filled bottle of Jack Daniels, I poured a glass full and then sat down on the couch. I stared at it in my hand as I pulled out the envelope Toby and I had found and just looked dumbly between it and the glass of whiskey. I slowly raised the glass to my lips in the hope that some 'liquid courage' would help me, but just the smell of the amber liquid evoked such vivid memories that it made my stomach clench painfully and I pulled it away from my face to catch my breath.

" _ **Please Daddy…! Please! Stop…! Stop!" I pleaded tearfully as I pulled my knees up to my chest in an effort to hide my face and the front of my torso from receiving any further damage.**_

_**Sydney kicked me hard in the upper back and I almost released my hold around my knees to instinctively clutch at the newly damaged flesh because I thought that it felt like it was bleeding, but then again that could have just been the blinding pain clouding my judgment. He tried to kick me again with the same amount of force, but he stumbled as his boot once again hit my back and he had to catch himself on my bed in an effort to stay upright. His lack of coordination didn't have much effect on his desire to damage my body, so he just kept trying to kick at my any part of my torso his foot could find. Thankfully the alcohol he had been consuming practically non-stop for nearly four days straight was making his movements slower and even more uncoordinated, which finally gave me an opening to try to get away.** _

_**When Sydney's next kick hit the floor instead of my back, I rolled over as fast as my damaged body would allow me. Sydney was still having to hold himself up with both of his palms pressed flat onto my bed's mattress while he was hyperventilating ragged breathes heavily into his chest. He looked like he was ready to pass out, so I kicked him as hard as I could in the groin, reducing him into a moaning mass on the ground behind me. I tried to then roll over and stand up, but the pain radiating from my body was incapacitating and it took over to cause me to black out around the same time that Sydney's breath evened out into a loud snore.** _

_**When I came to Sydney was still snoring loudly, so I hastily stuffed a few more essentials into my duffle bag, grabbed my pre-filled bag of 'work' supplies and then ran… well limped to my car. My left eye was still bleeding, despite the hours I spent passed out on my bedroom floor, which caused a veil of blood to mix with my tears to blur my vision while I tried to drive. Thankfully the Connors' house was close by and was on a route that I could have driven blind-folded, so I did manage to make it there in one piece.**_

_******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** _

_**It had gotten dark again by the time that Sydney finally came to and the pounding in his head reminded him that it had nearly been twenty-four hours since he had had his last drink. He sat up rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and then he felt an extra, uncomfortable twinge behind his brow-line when he realized that he was not only sleeping on the floor (which had unfortunately become more of a habit than not since his wife's death) but that he was on the floor in Adelaide's bedroom.** _

_**At first he had thought that the events of the night before had just been a horrifically surreal dream, but when he found himself on his daughter's bedroom floor he felt beyond sick to his stomach at the thought that it might have been real. He whipped his head around to look at where he'd last remembered her laying in a ball on the floor, but he moved too quickly and his vision blurred momentarily under a new pounding headache. Sydney doubled over with his palms pressed into his eye sockets and he managed somehow to keep from vomiting all over the grey area carpet beside Adelaide's bed.** _

_**Sydney waited a few minutes after the pain in his head subsided before he opened his eyes to survey the state of the room again. His eyes almost immediately landed on a dark spot on the light colored area rug that he had never recalled being there before. He leaned over slowly after learning from his previous mistake of moving too fast to touch it so that he could have his suspicions confirmed.** _

_**Surprisingly, the blood was still tacky even thought it was cold enough to the touch to tell him that it wasn't fresh. He wondered how long he and Adelaide had been passed out on the floor and how badly he might have actually hurt her. While his anguish was mounting, he noticed that the duffle bag of supplies that she normally kept under her bed was gone, so he felt some sense of comfort in the fact that she had been well enough to make it out of the house okay.** _

_**Once he finally made it to the main floor, Sydney quickly downed a couple of gulps of Jack Daniels to steady his nerves and to ease the jackhammer in his head. After he had refilled his glass he wandered to the kitchen to look into the backyard and he sighed out a relieved breath when he saw that Adelaide's car wasn't in its usual parking space. If she was well enough to drive her beloved gift from his father then Sydney felt confident that she would be able to get to someone that could help her and that he hadn't hurt her as badly as he had dreamt.** _

I carefully placed the filled glass on the coffee table and then leaned the letter-sized beige envelope against it so that I could just continue to stare at it. Sydney had never sat down to have a heart to heart with me about anything, so I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he might have decided to write out to me in a letter. Before long I found myself pacing the length of the couch, chewing the skin around my thumb nail while staring at the neatly scrawled 'ADELAIDE' in black ink.

"Oh come on Addy!" I cursed myself quietly. "If you just open the damn thing then you'll find out what he wrote and you'll know the answers…" Before sitting down again, I filled another glass with Glenlivet whiskey and sipped it slowly. "Come on Addy, you can do this… Deep breath…"

After finishing the contents of my second glass of whiskey, I finally found the courage to reach out and grab the envelope to open it. Just as I had the envelope in my hands, I froze in my place at the sound of someone knocking on the door which was swiftly followed by the sound of my home phone ringing. I stared at the envelope in my hand and silently cursed the intruders before letting it drop to the coffee table's top again.

"Come in!" I called out before reaching over to answer my phone with a quick, "Hey Dean… Just… Give me a sec… Okay?"

I didn't wait for his reply before turning my attention to the man coming through my front door. I held the phone against my shoulder then nodded towards the pile of boxes whispering, "It's all over there."

Don's eyes grew comically wide when they landed on the items I had referred to and I couldn't help but laugh as I moved the phone back to my ear saying, "Hey…"

"ADS! This is a lot to take! Are you sure you're okay with it?" Don inadvertently shouted when he gave all of the boxes a closer inspection.

"Of course I am… And it isn't that much!" I replied with a chuckle. He shook his head with a grateful smile on his face as he started loading boxes onto a dolly that he had brought in with him.

When I again raised my phone to my ear to apologize to Dean for the interruption, I immediately heard Dean scoff loudly before he asked disdainfully, _"So Don's well hung, huh?"_

"What?" I gasped out in confusion.

He cleared his throat then said, _"Nothing. So… You and the Sheriff are all Buddy Buddy again, huh?"_

I took in a deep breath to try to keep myself calm (and to keep from drawing Don's attention towards my phone conversation). "Dean… You already knew that he and I have been talking again… Plus… He's actually doing me a huge favor right now."

" _I bet he is,"_ he replied before pausing to try to swallow some of his anger. But then again his next comment came out sounding like nothing but pure sarcasm. _"So what is the OH SO PERFECT Sheriff doing to help you out while you're home all alone Laide?"_

I knew he was trying to bait me, but I refused to give in because I hadn't done anything wrong, so Dean had no right to be snippy with me right now. With all of that in mind, I let out a long exasperated sigh then explained as could while trying to ignore his jabs, "He's helping me by… by… He and Veronica are giving the nursery set we bought together for Victoria a new home…" I gave Dean a chance to reply, but when he didn't utter a sound I elaborated, "Because… Well… It's beyond painfully obvious that it isn't going to get used here… Ever… And since Veronica is about to go into labor any day now… Well she's finally letting him put their nursery together."

" _Veronica's…? She's pregnant? But I thought…"_

"Yeah, I know," I cut in while still trying to keep my voice low. "But that's a story for another time." I glanced over my shoulder and noticed that Don was having some difficulties with one of the larger boxes in the group causing me to blurt out loudly, "Don! Don't be stupid! Just give me a minute and I'll help you with all of that!" I turned my back on the Sheriff once he nodded and then more quietly said, "Hey Dean… He needs my help, so I'll call you later, okay?"

" _Yeah of course he needs your one on one help,"_ Dean retorted with a scoff.

"Dean? Please don't start in on that subject again…? Please? I'll call you in like five," I replied before quickly hanging up the phone.

I closed my eyes to keep myself from screaming in frustration before placing my phone down on the table beside the unopened envelope Sydney had hidden away in the spare bedroom. When I turned back towards Don he gave me a sad questioning look and almost said something, but I just shook my head to try to keep him silent. Don had grown used to this exchange during our teen years, so he knew better than to press me right now. Instead of trying to get me to tell him what was said too lowly for him to hear and what words had upset me, he just waited by his dolly for me to help him.

We then worked at rearranging the boxes he had already loaded and then we got the rest of the boxes loaded on as well. Once we were both satisfied with the new arrangement, I picked up the box filled with baby clothes and followed him through the kitchen so that he could use the ramp Bill had constructed with the Winchesters for Bobby to use while he was stuck in a wheelchair so that he could take the load to his car.

Don barely allowed me help me pack everything into his vehicle by insisting more than once that I had done more than enough by just giving him this bedroom set and all of the clothes. "Ads… Seriously I can't begin to thank you enough. Really… Ronnie's been so stubborn about letting me buy anything for the baby that I was starting to worry that I wouldn't be able to get anything done before we were ready to bring her home… You're a total life saver."

I swiped my arm over my brow to dry some sweat before stepping forward to pat his shoulder saying, "Like I told you before… You're doing ME a huge favor. Really… So long as this all was in the house… I… I…"

Don quickly scooped me up into a hug saying into my hair, "I know… I mean… I get it. But you're still the best friend that anyone could ask for. Especially given…"

I pushed on his stomach just enough to look up at his face to say, "Don… We've already gone over this… Ad nauseum… And we already…"

"We have," he interrupted with a sad smile. "And you're totally right… We did already come to an agreement… I mean we did work through it all, but we also promised each other total honesty and I honestly do still feel guilty about what happened…" He gently squeezed my upper arms to keep me from interrupting before saying, "You're so tough and so self-assured that for most people it's always been so hard to see through your hard shell, but Ads…? I see it… I always have… So I just need you to know that I'm here for you if you need to talk to someone about whatever is going on with you and Dean, okay? Just like I always said back when we… Well… You know."

"I know," I replied with a smile that was sadder than I meant it to be. His tight smile faltered slightly, so I pulled him into a tight hug asserting more calmly, "Don I promise you that I'm good. Now… Do you want any help setting all of this up at the house?"

I pushed myself out of our embrace so that I could look up at his face as he replied, "I should be alright. Leo's at home looking after Duncan for me and Veronica's brother, Keith, said that he'd help out so that we could surprise her when she gets out of hospital with the baby."

"Okay… Good… So you already have help," I said as I stepped away from him. "Well… If you need anything else you just let me know, okay? And tell Veronica that I'll visit her soon."

Don smiled brightly and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "I will. Duncan would love to have you babysit him again and Ronnie would be more than happy to have some estrogen other than the new little one around her once in a while."

I couldn't help but snort out a laugh and then gently slapped his arm saying, "Yeah… I know that feeling."

We shared another soft smile before Don gripped me by the shoulders then resolutely stated, "I'll call you when she's ready to come home. Thanks again for everything Ads."

"Don…" I almost had to choke back a sob before more confidently saying, "I'm just glad that I could help. Now you should get going before Duncan gets to be too much for the Deputy."

Don chuckled and then pecked my cheek again before replying, "You always were much smarter than me. I'll call you later Ads."

I stood in the driveway waving as I watched Don drive down the long dusty road until he disappeared before turning to look at the front door of my house. Sighing heavily I slowly made my way up the front stairs and for some stupid reason I hesitated with my hand on the door knob of the front door. Subconsciously… And consciously I knew that as soon as I got into the living room that the first thing I would do was pick up my phone to call Dean. Lately our phone calls had become more of a chore form me because they usually ended the two of us in a shouting match, fighting over something stupid that one of may have intimated instead of actually discussing the topic that was preoccupying both of our minds… our inability to deal with Bobby's death But neither of us were known for dealing with our grief well and I was starting to feel extra antsy because I hadn't been out on any hunts lately to work off any of my excess energy.

Before going near my phone, I filled my glass with my whiskey and swallowed a couple of mouthfuls. I had the glass raised to my lips for another sip when I heard an unfamiliar voice answer with an annoyed, _"Yeah?"_

"Oh… Umm…" I started as I pulled my phone back from my ear to double check that I had dialed the right number. "Uhh… Is…?"

" _He just stepped out for some air. He should be back in a minute Sweet Cheeks."_

I couldn't help but laugh as I replied, "Frank… I almost didn't recognize your voice… It's been a while… So how is the hunt for Roman going?"

" _Yeah Addy it has been a long time… But given the circumstances, I could have waited a bit longer to hear your voice."_ He paused so that we could both issue an uncomfortable chuckle. _"As for the hunt… Why don't I let Loverboy fill you in?"_

Frank was passing Dean his phone and then I heard, _"So did you take good care of the local Sheriff Laide?"_

"Dean…" I nearly pleaded in the hopes that I could stave off another unnecessary fight about my friendship with Don.

" _I know… I know…"_ He finally said more politely. _"So… Veronica's having another baby soon? I thought that she couldn't after what happened back when… Well when…"_

I let out a sigh of relief then answered, "That's what I thought, but she told me that she could conceive another child but that she had been too afraid to because she thought that it might happen again. That's why Don's had to wait until the last minute to put the nursery together."

" _So she's worried about having another miscarriage?"_

"Actually… What happened to her is much worse than that," I answered with a soft voice.

Dean didn't try to hide his confusion as he somberly said, _"I saw firsthand how hard it was for you after… Uhh… So…? What in the world could be worse than that?"_

I sniffled in a breath thinking not only of the event that Dean was referring to but also to the last heart to heart that I had had with Veronica. "She… Uhh… The last time… The… the baby was still-born… Her doctors still don't know why because she didn't have any complications at all so they had no explanation why it had happened."

" _Pacer…"_ Dean nearly whispered in surprise.

"That was my suspicion too, but by the time I found out the truth it was too late to check." I took a couple more sips of my drink to further compose myself before I asked in a careful voice, "So… Earlier…? Did you just call to chat or…?"

I heard gravel crunching under his boots before he replied, _"Yeah I was going to ask if you had heard from Sam, but you can just forget about it… I can take care of it myself."_

"Dean… I… If…"

" _No, it's fine. He's my brother so it's MY responsibility,"_ he replied curtly.

I swallowed my tears that tried to rise up in my throat then asked, "Do you know what he was going after?"

" _He's helping some kid that called Bobby's cell because her Dad went missing while tracking a Vetala,"_ he replied sounding wearier and wearier with each word.

Immediately I wanted to ask who the hunters was since I had tried to keep a close tabs on anyone I knew that had children, but instead what came out was, "Oh… Shit! Well… Be careful... Vetala's are nasty buggers and their venom will hit you harder than a roofie… But a silver knife to the heart will do the trick."

" _Yeah… I knew that…"_ he replied with a condescending scoff. _"This isn't my first day on the job."_

"Dean… I… I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…"

" _Yeah well either way…. I have to go find Sam and I can't do that if I'm stuck talking on the phone."_

I opened my mouth a couple of times to apologize again, but I closed it just as quickly before any words came out. When I opened it again, my words came out much angrier than I had thought they would be as I snapped, "Well then don't let me keep you from your oh so important work… Try not to get killed."

I slammed my phone down on the table and nearly knocked over the glass of Jack Daniel's that I had left sitting there. Without giving it any thought, I snatched up that glass of liquor and drank it down as quickly as I could. While I was still panting in a few breaths to try to suppress my nausea, I picked up the envelope and opened it with such violent force that it was a miracle that I didn't rip it in half during the process.

I had to re-read it a couple of times to make sure that I was seeing the words properly through the haze of inebriation that was trying its hardest to overtake me.

"ADELAIDE,  
WELL I DOUBT THAT YOU'LL EVER TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS AND IF YOU DON'T… WELL I GUESS THAT I CAN'T BLAME YOU, BUT WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON I TRULY HOPE THAT YOU JUST LIVE THROUGH IT.  
I SCREWED UP WITH MY FATHER'S FUNERAL BY NOT WAITING FOR YOU TO GET HOME. I WAS ANGRY WITH… ANYWAY I KNEW IT WOULD HURT YOU LIKE ALMOST HAVING TO QUIT HUNTING HAD HURT ME… I GET NOW THAT IT WAS CHILDISH, SO I HOPE YOU FOUND VICKI'S NECKLACE IN YOUR ROOM. IT'S ALL I HAD TO GIVE AS A PEACE OFFERING.  
I'VE HEARD SOME WHISPERS THAT WHATEVER IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE APOCALYPSE… I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT IS BIGGER THAN BIG. I'VE RIGGED SOMETHING UP IN THE GARAGE WITH BOBBY'S HELP, BUT IF YOU CAN'T GET HERE… YOU SHOULD GET TO BOBBY'S INSTEAD. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN GOOD AT KEEPING YOU SAFE. I HAVE A FEELING DEEP DOWN THAN I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT, BUT…"

I flipped the page over, but the back was just as blank as the last third of the first page. Based on the dates of the newspapers that Sydney had put into the hiding place, I knew that he had placed them in there during the 'Rising of the Witnesses', so I could only assume that he had written this letter during that time as well. I would have liked to believe that it was his death that had left his thoughts unsaid, but I knew better. Sydney had never been one to apologize to anyone (except my Mum) so I knew in my heart that the reason he didn't finish the letter was most likely because he couldn't find the right words or even the right sentiment so that he could.

_**Sydney screeched his truck to a stop in the Connor's front yard and hadn't even made it out of the driver's seat before Bill came down the front stairs yelling at him all the while.** _

" _ **NO! NO! I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY SYDNEY! GET…! LOST!"**_

_**Bill was still running towards the truck by the time that Sydney got out. "NO! You get back in that truck and you get… Get off my land! NOW!"** _

_**Sydney continued to ignore the farmer's protests as he wiped the back of his hand across his face to soak up some of the blood still oozing out of the corner of his mouth. "Bill… I… I don't… I just need to know that she's okay… That she's…"** _

" _ **What? Alive?" Bill scoffed loudly then shoved Sydney so hard that the hunter actually stumbled back a couple of steps. "Like you even care… Not after what you did to her… No… You don't get to ask about her! Now GO! GO…! GET OFF MY PROPERTY! WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE! WE DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE YOU AGAIN!"**_

_**Sydney flinched, still reeling from the injuries he had just received from a vengeful ghost that had tried to kill him earlier that day. "Bill… Please… It's…"** _

" _ **PLEASE? You say PLEASE? DID YOU STOP BEATING HER WHEN SHE BEGGED YOU TO?" Bill only stopped his angry tirade at the memory of the night that Addy showed up on their door step, covered from head to toe in her own blood from the cuts and bruises of that beating. "Just go… Now… Before I do something that I WILL regret."**_

_**With a curt nod, Sydney turned back and walked towards his truck. At the door he stared down at his hand on the door handle and meekly said, "This is really big Bill… Worse than anything she's faced… Hunters are dropping like flies…" He looked up and then turned to look at the other man. "Just tell her to be extra careful… and to watch her back."** _

_**Bill's jaw clenched as he gritted out, "WE always have her back."** _

_***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************_

_**I moved up to the head of the bed while working my panties off from under my skirt. He watched me in wide-eyed disbelief as he started to slowly unbutton his flannel shirt. Once I had my underwear in my hand, I dropped them to the floor and then sat up to grab a fistful of his shirt to tug him closer to me.** _

" _ **Just take off your jeans," I instructed through excited pants. "Getting totally naked will take too fucking long."**_

_**He laughed heartily but still followed my wishes as he said, "You want it real bad don't you pretty girl?"** _

_**He started to slowly crawl up the bed once he was naked from the waist down, so I grabbed his shirt again to drag him up over my body and kissed him hard. "Fuck you Terry… You've been teasing my all fucking night and now that it's dead you better fucking make good on every fucking one of your promises."** _

_**Terry laughed softly as he pushed my skirt up to my waist so that he could settle in between my legs more comfortably. "Oh baby… Don't you worry… I would never dream of leaving you hanging."** _

_**I threw my head back against a pillow when he bit down on my earlobe then he worked his way to my lips by nipping lightly against my jaw. I could feel his hands running up and down my thighs and then I gasped out a ragged breath. I tried to take in another breath to prepare myself for him, but I immediately noticed that I couldn't and the reason had nothing to do with my level of arousal.** _

_**My eyes flew open at the feeling of the temperature of the room dropping dramatically. My companion didn't seem to notice it at all as he worked his hands under my shirt to palm my breasts and continued to kiss my neck. I watched a long puff of white air leave my mouth just before my eyes landed on someone standing at the foot of the bed.** _

" _ **Terry… TERRY…!" I repeated frantically as I shoved at his shoulders and struggled to get out from under him.**_

_**He lifted his head to reply but when he saw that I was staring at something off into the room he slowly turned his head to follow my gaze. Once he saw the figure that had captured my attention, he just shrugged nonchalantly, kissed me softly and then whispered, "I always put a salt line around the whole bed… We're safe right where we are… It can't get us."** _

_**As he waggled his eyebrows at me, I pushed him as hard as I could cause him to land on his side on the other half of the mattress. Once I was free, I snatched my underwear up off the floor then angrily snapped as I put them back on, "I'm not going to fuck you in front of a fucking ghost you prick!"** _

_**Terry barely caught his pants after I threw them at his face as we heard, "Is this what you were doing instead of saving me? Banging some bimbo in a cheap motel?"** _

_**It moved closer to Terry's side of the bed as it continued, "I screamed until I was hoarse… Begging it to tell me why it was torturing me… To tell me what it wanted. It had fun slicing me up… And where were you?"** _

" _ **Terry…? TERRY!" I shouted when I noticed that he was frozen in his place and that he was now whiter than the sheets on the bed.**_

_**The ghost continued speaking while I tried to get the other hunter's attention. Since it seemed to be intent on tormenting Terry, I slowly made my way over the salt line to retrieve the canister of salt that I could see poking out of one of our bags on a chair. I kept my eyes trained on the two men as I moved silently as I could and blindingly grasped at the salt container when I thought that I was close enough to the chair to snag it.** _

_**I continued to watch Terry as I took a couple of more steps towards the chair while holding my breath. My hand brushed against the canvas of the bag, but I didn't turn my attention to it until I felt something cold brush against the top of my wrist. My head whipped around and I gasped out a breath feeling like I had been punched in the gut.** _

" _ **Oh… Hey Roo… How ya going?"**_

_**I fell to my knees when she shoved her hand into my chest. She maintained an eerily serene smile on her face while I tried to get any air that I could into my lungs. I could practically feel her squeezing my heart, but she didn't take her eyes off of my face as it contorted ugly in pain.** _

" _ **Mummy?" I pleaded though my confusion and fear.**_

_**Her lips started to twist up into a more sinister grin just as I managed to get my hand on the canister of salt. She barely caught the movement of my right hand and was easily turned into vapor with an arc of the white grains flying through her ghostly form. I fell to my hands and knees and took in a couple of quick, deep breaths to ensure that I wasn't going to pass out before I even attempted to stand up.** _

_**Once I was on my feet, I jumped over the salt line on the floor into what I hoped was relative safety. Terry was thankfully still and the bed and had even moved closer to the side where I was standing.** _

" _ **Terry! Terry you HAVE to snap out of it!" I said sternly as I could to try to get his attention.**_

_**He started trembling on the bed while whimpering out a few tearful "No's". I got up onto the bed and grabbed him by the collar to shake him forcefully a few times, but I couldn't get him to take his eyes off the ghost to my right.** _

" _ **TERRY!" I demanded once again as I reared my right hand back and smacked him with as much force as I could muster across the cheek.**_

_**He raised his left hand to his face, but he still looked completely confused about the origin of the pain. The ghost beside us started laughing and the hunter in front of me never took his eyes off of it. I grabbed Terry again by the collar, but then the thought that I would never be able to regain his attention with the ghost in the room hit me, so I reached across our bodies for the salt canister and used the momentum of pulling my hand back to my sided to throw its contents at our unwanted guest.** _

_**As soon as we were alone, Terry's eyes wandered to my face. He was still rubbing in cheek as he dazedly said, "Addy… That… that was…"** _

_**I gently placed my hand over his on his cheek and then replied in a tender tone, "I know… I know… It sucks so hard to see them like that, but we have to get out of here before they come back."** _

_**He nodded with me and then shook his head until his eyes took on a more focused look. "Ghosts… I… I have an iron crowbar…"** _

" _ **Good! You get your duffle together. I'll watch your back and then…"**_

" _ **I'll do the same for you," he finished with a soft smile. I gave him a relieved smile and then he leaned up to place a gentle kiss on my lips. "I'm sorry I got you all revved up and didn't follow through."**_

_**I stroked his cheek that I had just smacked gently then replied, "Couldn't… You** **COULDN'T** **follow though… Once we live through whatever the hell this is I WILL be cashing in my rain check."** _

_**He smiled sadly and looked like he was going to say something until we were able to see each others' breath again.** _

" _ **Is this why I saved your life? So you could spread your legs for any hunter you come across? What happened to you having eyes for no one but…?"**_

_**I whipped around quickly, throwing the last of the salt at the apparition of my mother before turning back to Terry barking, "We don't have much time before they come back, so let's move!"** _

_**We gathered up our belongings quickly and then parted ways at our vehicles. Terry and I promised to check in with each other 'later', but my first thoughts once I got behind the wheel were to call Bobby to make sure that he was still alive and to check if he knew anything about what was happening. Normally I didn't like to drive and talk on the phone, but when I noticed that I had missed a few calls from both Bobby and Sydney I made an exception to call Bobby.** _

" _ **Bobby?" I questioned frantically when I heard someone pick up on the other end of the line.**_

 _**He let out a heavy sigh before replying,** _ **"Oh thank God… I was starting to get really worried when I couldn't get a hold of you Koala Bear!"**

" _ **I'm so sorry Bobby… Really I am! I was working a case so I was kind of ignoring my phone," I apologized while checking my rear view mirror to make sure that my back seat was still empty. "So…? I take it from your tone that it means that you've heard about what's happening? Or have you…? You haven't…?"**_

" **We found Olivia Lowry dead,"** _ **he explained bluntly, knowing I would be able to handle it.**_ **"Looked to me like it was probably a spirit of some sort… A few other hunters I've tried calling appear to be M.I.A."**

" _ **Yeah… Bobby it's definitely spirits."**_

" **Balls! Are…? Are you…?"**

" _ **I'm fine Bobby… I've got a seat full of salt beside me and I even broke off a piece of iron drain pipe at the last gas station I fueled up at," I interrupted to ease his mind.**_

 _**Bobby sputtered out a laugh then said,** _ **"Good…Good to hear. So where was this job of yours?"**

" _ **Kentucky. Why…? Oh… Shit… Have…? Have you heard…?"**_

" **Yeah… I have… He has something set up in the garage of your… His garage that should be a safe place for you to weather out this storm. And I know Koala Bear, you and he ain't on the best of terms, but it's the best way that I can think of for you to live through this since my place is too far for you to drive to right now."**

_**I took a moment to recover because I knew that this situation had to be beyond deadly if Bobby was suggesting that I hide in a bunker with Sydney. "Okay… Yeah… I'll do that Bobby… But… If it's that bad, should I…? Maybe…? Should I go check on a few other people?"** _

" **Don't worry about any of that. Sam and Dean are checking on a few hunters in the Tri-State area that I couldn't get a hold of… You just get home and get safe, you hear?"**

_**I nearly drove off the road at the nonchalant way Bobby said HIS name. I managed to regain control of my car even if I hadn't fully regained my composure as I asked, "Sam and Dean? Like 'Dean' DEAN…? Like my Dean?" After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, I sputtered out, "I… I didn't… didn't mean MY Dean like…"** _

" **It's fine Addy… I know what you meant. And yes… I was referring to Sam and Dean Winchester… I'm sorry, I haven't really had a spare minute alone to call you and now…"**

" _ **Yeah… Things ARE pretty hectic… It's fine Bobby, you don't… Anyway… But how…? How did he get out of Hell?"**_

 _**Bobby chuckled uncomfortably then softly said,** _ **"What's say that we live through this and then I'll tell you about it over a pint?"**

" _ **Sure," I replied with a chuckle. "But I do have a couple of bottles of Glenlivet hidden away at the Connor's… So Bobby…? You make sure that I get to see you again so we can break into them together, okay?"**_

" **Same to you Koala Bear… You be safe."**

_**After I hung up the phone with Bobby, I drove straight through to my childhood home. I had a few jerry cans filled with gas for whenever my tank got too low to continue traveling so I wouldn't have to stop at a gas station and thankfully I received no visits from any ghosts when I did stop to refuel at the side of the road.** _

_**As soon as I drove into the backyard of the house, I was confronted with a man sized mass on the ground. Before getting out of my car I loaded my pockets with as many salt containers as I could and then I picked up the iron pipe in my right hand. I slipped my bag of food supplied onto my left shoulder and then scanned the familiar landscape of our backyard for any potential surprises.** _

_**When I saw nothing but the original crumpled mass on the ground, I gingerly extracted myself from my car. My intention was to keep my pace as slow as possible so that I could keep an eye out for any possible dangers, but suddenly I found myself running towards my father's body.** _

" _ **Sydney…? Syd…! Dad…? Daddy…! No…! NOOOO!" I screamed as I fell to my knees beside him. His chest had been ripped open so I knew I didn't have to double check for a pulse to confirm what I had already known since I drove up to the property. "No," I whispered as I stared down at his dead opened eyes. I gently pulled down his eyelids with my index and middle fingers whispering another forlorn "I'm sorry."**_

_**I lingered beside his corpse for a moment trying to keep myself from crying, but then I remembered Bobby's warning and I got back to my feet to start running towards the garage. At the door I looked around the large open space frantically. To my left I saw the familiar light blue door that would lead to the restroom and then a light green door to the bedroom that my Poppy had built for me. Neither of those seemed like they would be 'ghost proof' rooms to me, so I kept looking around for anything new.** _

_**Then my eyes landed on it. In the far right corner there was something that looked a lot like a shipping container. As I got closer to it I noticed that there was a "Key of Solomon" drawn on the door. Various other symbols that I hadn't ever really seen before were on the sides and there was a six inch thick line of rock salt around its perimeter.** _

" _ **Bugger me! You actually left that Ocker to die alone?"**_

_**I tried to ignore the taunts coming from my Mum's apparition as I made my way across the room. While I fought with the door she appeared behind me blowing ice cold air at my back as she said, "So you left your Ol' Man to cark it just like your Ol' Cheese and for what…? To be some Root Rat with some random hunter? To open your fanny to the first….?"** _

_**After I got the door pried open I quickly swung my arm so that the pipe would go through her torso to hopefully put an end to her hate filled tirade. As soon as the door opened, a light inside went on, so I hopped over the rest of the salt line inside and slammed the door closed behind me. I flicked a couple more lights on in case the overhead light would turn off after the door was closed while tears threatened to completely overtake me.** _

_**Even though I was sure that the walls of this ten by ten room were made out of iron, I noticed that there was another two foot wide line of salt around the room. I fell to my knees and dumped almost all of the salt that I had in my pockets across the line of the doorway while I continued to cry hysterically.** _

_**After I had nearly cried myself to exhaustion, I stumbled over to a plush looking sofa at the opposite side of the room. I kept telling myself that it wasn't her… Whatever had caused her spirit to rise had manipulated the truth just enough to hurt me. Then a sickening thought hit me… What if that's what my Mum really had thought but that she had never actually said it to me because she saw how my relationship with Sydney had gone downhill when he had told me the truth?** _

_**Before I could dwell on that thought, I was hitting redial on the second to last number that I had called.** _

" **Addy? Addy…! Are you okay?"**

_**I tried to keep him from hearing the snotty breath as I inhaled, but there was no way that he could have missed it unless he was deaf. "Yeah… I'm fine. I… Uhh… I made it to a safe house of sorts to get through this weirdness."** _

" **Good… Good. I made it to Brendan's after checking on Annisa and Jordan. We're… Well Brendan and me are hiding in a closet… But Annisa and Jordo are…"**

" _ **They're dead," I finished when he trailed off. "Yeah Syd… Err… Ahh… My Dad… He's in the City of Silent too. And I talked to Bobby Singer… He found a few others that have… Umm… Crossed the River Styx."**_

" **Shit! Really! How many?"**

_**I was finally able to breathe easier now that we were talking about an actual job instead of my family. "I don't know, but you know how Bobby is…" He chuckled out a 'Yeah I do' so I just calmly continued, "So I was going to call him next. So make sure to check in with me later, okay? And you guys make sure to watch each others' backs okay?"** _

" **Yeah we will… But Addy? Do you have someone there to watch yours?"**

_**Even though I knew in the back of my mind that he meant that comment in a 'concerned for my safety' way, I still retorted angrily, "I watch MY back!"** _

_**After I terminated the call, I slammed my hand on the sofa's cushion. I knew Terry didn't deserve that from me, but it still rubbed me the wrong way whenever I thought someone was questioning my abilities.** _

**Fuck… There goes my chances with him… Guess that rain check will go unpaid** _**I thought with a disdainful snort as I dialed Bobby's number.** _

" **See this is why I can't get behind God…"** _ **I heard on the other end of the line when Bobby answered. I gasped in a surprised breath at hearing Dean's voice then Bobby said just over a whisper,**_ **"I think I have it Addy. Are you somewhere safe?"**

" _ **Yeah… I am… But… Uhh… Syd… He… He was…"**_

" **Shh… It's okay Sweetheart. You just sit tight and we'll make sure to take care of this okay?"** _ **He waited for my reply and when I couldn't come up with anything he stated more insistently, but still maintained a hushed tone,**_ **"Did you understand me Koala Bear? Me and the boys are going to stop this."**

" _ **Yeah… I mean yes sir. I'll just sit tight until you call me."**_

_**Bobby said a quick 'Good' before hanging up the phone and hadn't noticed that both of the Winchesters were looking to him in expectation of some sort of answer. Although he had only half-heard what they were saying while on the phone with Addy, he still confidently replied, "I ain't touching this with a ten foot pole!"** _


	31. So Maybe I Shouldn't Have Called

" _Thanks again for doing that Jones. Since… Well since I know that you've bowed out of the job again, you really didn't have to and all, but with… Well, you know… I just didn't know who else to call to help me out."_

"It's absolutely no problem Davis," I replied trying not to let my mind wander to the one person we both had known that any hunter could have called on to legitimize our claims of being law enforcement officers over the phone to the real authorities. When I felt like my resolve might crumble, I instead tried to shift our focus as quick as I could. "Davis? Who the hell told you that I'm done with hunting?"

" _No one person in particular... More like it's just common knowledge Jones,"_ he replied sounding slightly taken aback by the anger in my tone. _"I don't mean to offend you, but when was the last time that you worked a job? And I talking from start to finish and not just helping guys out here or there over the phone doing research and such."_

"Well… I…" Suddenly I realized not only was he right that it HAD been a while, but it would also seem longer to most everyone else because of my months spent living with Edgar when I had amnesia. "It's just… I…"

Davis cleared his throat to interrupt me then said, _"I ran into Winchester and Winchester, so I know how hard losing Singer has been on ya. He was a hell of a man and there's no shame in mourning a hunter of his caliber properly."_

I couldn't help but laugh when he said "Winchester and Winchester" because no matter who they were, Davis only ever referred to people by their last name. When I was younger I had asked him if it ever got confusing when he was working with two or more people from the same family, but he just snorted out a laugh and I thought that that would be is only reply. Then he quirked an eyebrow and countered, "Because you've never been in a room with more than one Tom or Lisa…" That was the last time that I ever questioned Davis' logic. Even though I was beyond curious to find out the truth, I also lost my nerve to ask him what his first name was since I only seemed to know his family name.

"True… But you're right, I've probably been hiding out here long enough… I can't keep letting you guys hog all of the fun."

Davis barked out a laugh but didn't give any clues about what he had found funny before he replied, _"It doesn't hurt for us to have another helping hand out in the field because there's never a shortage of evil bastards to kill."_

"Yeah," I agreed slowly. Of course I knew he was right and I instantly felt my cheeks start to burn with embarrassment when I started to think of how the number of hunters had dwindled significantly over the last few years and yet monsters still continued to multiply at an alarming rate. "That's definitely true."

" _Alright… So if you need any leads,"_ Davis cut-in when he heard my speech slowing down while I started to get lost in my own thoughts. _"I could pass on some of the info that I've dug up on a few things that need to be taken care of…"_

His interruption helped me to snap out of my embarrassed state and I was able to reply with my more usual self-confidence. "Thanks, I'll let you know, but I'm sure that my usual source will have more than a few jobs for me to work on."

" _Okay,"_ he said, his suspicion so evident that I could practically see him narrowing his eyes. _"Well you be sure and call someone if you need back up. You've got my number and if I'm close enough I'll be there, so don't get too cocky."_

"Yes sir," I replied almost automatically. "But you know, I've made it this far, so I should be fine…"

" _Of course you have, so you keep fighting smart."_

I swallowed hard because I knew that many of my Mum's old contacts were protective of me in a parental way (and no one had shown me that more than Bobby Singer and to a lesser extent John Winchester), but I never would have thought that Davis felt that way as well. "I always try to sir."

" _Okay good. I'll talk to you later Jones."_

I didn't get a chance to respond before he terminated the call and I couldn't help but smile. He ended the conversation in such a familiar way that I felt more at ease and ready to find a job so that I could hit the road and get back to work. Toby was still quite vocal about not wanting me to leave home to hunt, so I knew calling him wouldn't be the best idea for finding a lead for my first solo job after having to deal with everything that had happened over the past year, so I headed towards the computer to see what I could find.

 _Maybe if I find something close to here that isn't too difficult_ I thought to myself as I started clicking through the news sites I knew Toby still had book-marked on my computer.

Luckily it didn't take long to find something just over the border into Wisconsin. Even though it looked like a simple salt and burn job that was close enough to home to get there and back within a couple of days, it just felt wrong not to tell the Connors about it in person. I had been on the phone helping a few hunters throughout the day and it took my stomach growling while I sat at the computer to alert me to the fact that it was way past a normal dinner hour. With all of that in mind I felt it would be best to wait until the morning to break the news to everyone. I had a feeling that Maureen and Bill would be relieved (especially since they both had subtly started hinting about my meeting up with Dean again), but I wasn't sure of the best way to broach the subject with Toby.

Turned out that 'sleeping on it' to come up with the right words to discuss this all rationally with Toby was just about the worst thing that I could have done. I had anticipated a restless night's sleep, but somehow my mind was completely at ease with my decision to get back into the game and I slept the most soundly that I had since leaving Edgar behind a few States over all those months ago. When I was gently awoken by the sun peeking through my curtains, I couldn't help but smile into my pillow because I was sure that after having breakfast that I would be able to explain everything to Toby in a way that he would not only be okay with me going, but he would also agree that it was the best thing for me emotionally.

I made a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast and coffee that I practically inhaled. After I finished eating, I quickly double checked the facts of the case before moving to check on everything that I had packed. The affected family seemed to be receptive to accepting 'non-traditional' help, so I was more than happy to leave behind my restricting skirt suits at home in favor of my more comfortable denim and cotton peasant blouses along with the right assortment of jewelry that fit the common stereotype for a psychic to wear.

As I made my way towards the door after yet another check that I had everything I would need I was stopped when I heard the phone ring. I paused at the back door and seriously contemplated not answering it. But then as I hanged my head shamefully I remembered that there were people who counted on me now more than ever because I had the resources in my library that few others possessed, not to mention the nimble fingers to search the internet with speed and precision when my books failed me for the information that they needed.

I hastily tossed my bag towards the door and nearly tripped over my feet as I tried to get to the phone as fast as I could. I almost dropped the phone as I answered it because my brain was moving faster than my hands, but miraculously I managed to juggle it between my two hands until I had it held up to my ear.

"Shit… Fuck… Fuck…" I muttered before saying through panting breaths. "Hey… What's up?"

I heard a deep swallow, but before I could pull the phone away from my ear to check the caller ID I heard a worried, _"Addy? Are you okay?"_

"Yeah Sam," I replied as I jumped up to sit on the kitchen island. "I'm fine. I was on my way out the door, tripped over my feet and almost did a face plant into the cupboard… So yeah I'm good. How ya going?"

I could tell that he politely suppressed a laugh at my expense because of my clumsiness as he replied, _"I'm… I'm good."_ We both then let out a playful snort and then Sam cleared his throat and more somberly replied, _"But… Umm… I was… Umm… Hoping that you could help me with… Uhh… Some information for this job Dee… Uhh that we're working."_

Sam's hesitation caught me more than a little off guard, but I knew that if I let it show that he would shut down almost completely on me. "Of course I can Sammy," I replied with fake cheerfulness. "What are you hunting and what do you need to know about it?"

" _We're… It's… They're Amazons… I think,"_ Sam explained with the same uncharacteristic reluctance as before. _"I was hoping you could confirm my suspicions and might know more about… Umm their M.O. and such…"_

I was already heading into the den to pluck out a few of my old journals as I said, "Eww Amazons… Pretty sure I should have a few ugly scars on my back after my last tussle with them… Well if it wasn't for… Well… You know…" Sam sucked in a breath and I nearly apologized for bringing up memories that none of us ever discussed about why my body, much like Dean's, was devoid of most of the telltale battle scars that all hunters wore proudly. I instead just continued with a tone that was only slightly less cheery than before, "But yeah I can help. I had a run in with them about… Four years ago I think…"

" _In Miami?"_ Sam cut in managing to sound both sad and hopeful.

"Yeah… In Miami…" I replied, slightly stunned that he knew that information already. "Anyway… Just so you aren't left wondering, yes I do look hot in a bikini…" I paused hoping that my joke would help to cut some of the tension I was feeling between us. When he let out a breath that sounded like he had been holding, I asked, "Anyway… Enough about me… Do you know the mythology behind them or can I gloss over that and get to the good stuff?"

" _Glossing over the background information would be fine, I already know the specifics about the Greek mythology about Harmonia and all that so you can just get to the good stuff,"_ Sam answered with what I thought was a tearful lump growing in his throat.

While I talked and Sam replied, I quickly glanced at my notes, but to be honest that was one job I most likely would never forget. The tone of Sam's voice instantly made me want to crawl through the phone and wrap him in a warm hug, which caused me to keep my voice soft as I said, "Sure Sam, I can do that for you…" When I realized how timid I sounded, I cleared my throat to reply in a louder voice, "So Amazons pretty much hate men… Well except to bring their next generation into the world. For them sex is almost a chore and they are filled with a lot of rage for women who would dare to have sex with men purely for pleasure…"

" _Oh man… Addy, I… I didn't mean…"_ Sam tried to interrupt sympathetically. _"I hadn't even considered…"_

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy," I chided playfully. "That was AGES ago! I made it out alive, albeit with a few cuts and bruises, but it's nothing for you to apologize for… Now where was I?"

" _Amazons don't like real women who are comfortable and confident with their sexuality,"_ Sam replied with an appeasing tone.

I could tell that Sam was playing 'peace maker' with me right now for reasons unknown to me, but I let it go and would probe into that topic further when we had some time. "Right… Sex for procreation only… Which is a little too Orthodox Catholic for my liking… Anyways, from what I found out last time I came across them, they use a man to get pregnant and then they kill him."

" _Yeah I'm getting that inkling too… But… Umm… How did you manage to find all of this out?"_

Sam knew me and I was well aware that he knew I preferred blunt honesty, so his careful tone and wording with me kind of threw me off my game for a second. Suddenly I got the worst feeling in my stomach about why he was being so cautious with me and I tried to shock him out of it by explaining, "Well first off, some random teenage girl interrupted us before I could get her 'dad' into bed…" I tried my best to change the tone of my voice the best I could to put quotes around the word 'dad' and then I heard Sam groan softly. Again I nearly abandoned my story to interrogate him, but instead I continued with my narration, "So yeah, he left me to answer the door and then I heard a young girl's voice. I can't say that I was all that surprised that he'd have a long lost kid show up at his door because the guy was more than a bit of a player and was such a workaholic that he didn't want to settle down and have a family… Not my usual type I know…" I once again tried to joke. "But then I heard furniture breaking. By the time I was fully dressed and got out to the living room, he looked like he was out cold and the teen was straddling his chest sawing at one of his ankles with her back facing me…"

" _Shit! Really? Did…? Umm… Did you ever…? Uh… Did you figure out why?"_

Again I was nearly at a complete loss to figure out why Sam sounded so timid but continued on as if I hadn't heard that tone from him, "Yeah of course I did… Little bitch totally cock-blocked me, so naturally I had to find out why." Sam snorted out another laugh much to my relief. "So… Basically from what I've been able to put together since then, Amazons have a fairly strict schedule that they adhere to. They breed the next generation of freakishly strong, rapidly growing spawn an then they make their tribute to Harmonia…"

" _Shit… Shit…"_ Sam whispered over my narration. _"You don't think…?"_

I quickly caught onto Sam's train of thought and calmly replied, "Yeah Sam I do, the girls seem to go after their Baby Daddy… Wait! Wait! Sam! Sammy… Sam… You didn't get frisky with an Amazon and now have a freakishly tall, hazel eyed, brunette goddess after you now, do you?"

" _No! What…? No!"_ He replied defensively. _"No… I haven't… Umm not really since…"_

Suddenly I got a vivid image my mind that had originally formed during Dean's retelling of Sam's life sans a soul and sincerely apologized, "I'm sorry Sam, I WAS just joking… I know you aren't like that, so I have to ask… Is it a friend of yours or something that one of them is going after right now? Because you're sounding like this personal or something…"

Once again I heard Sam swallow uncomfortably before he answered, _"Or something. I hope that's explanation enough for you. The professor I was just visiting said the same thing about the dads so all I really need to know is if you know how to kill them or not."_

"Yeah… No…" I started while my thoughts started to run wild. _'Or something'? What the fuck does that mean Sam?_

" _Yeah it's enough explanation and no you don't know how to kill them?"_ Sam asked desperately with his voice raising a couple of octaves with his panic.

"No I mean, yeah it's no big…" My mind suddenly shifted and I felt my teeth start to grind together unconsciously. I didn't mean to get so upset, but before I could stop myself I angrily spat out, "You don't need this information for you or a friend now do you Sammy?" He made a noise as if he was going to try to stop me there, but I just continued my tirade, "Did you really think I was that stupid and dense? Dean fucked one of them, knocked her up and now you need me to give you some way to save his bow-legged ass, right?"

I paused to give him a chance to respond before more forcefully demanding, "RIGHT?"

" _Yeah… Yeah… That's right,"_ he replied just barely over a whisper.

 _I was right?! Dean's fucking monsters now too?_ I screamed in my head in an attempt to calm myself down enough to give Sam the information that he needed.

"Well fine… Good… He's doing what I… Fine… Whatever," I said as I paced around the couch in the den in an effort to settle my rage even further.

Sam remained silent and let me mumble out a rant about how I shouldn't be mad because I was the one who let Dean off the leash and told him he was completely free. Of course I never thought that he would take my direction to 'pretend like I don't exist and see if being the old you will make you happy' so much to heart. I had just figured that we'd do our own thing and keep from contacting each other until we realized that the absence from each other was too much for either of us to bear. Now I knew that I had been beyond wrong, but in the end maybe a clean break truly was for the best.

My muttering soon faded into silence and even though Sam was antsy to get the information he needed, he forced himself to remain silent. When he realized that he had most likely lost me to my thoughts, Sam timidly asked, _"So you were saying before that the girl had knocked out your… Uh… The guy and was trying to saw off a foot but… Umm… Did…? Were you able to stop her?"_

"Huh…? What…?"I asked as I slowly came out of my thoughts. "I'm sorry Sam I missed that… Could you repeat your question?"

I'm sure he tried to hold it back, but Sam let out a relieved sigh then said, _"I was just hoping that you could finish your story about what happened in Miami."_

"Right… Miami… Amazons… Shit… I'm sorry Sam… Where was I again?" I asked meekly as I sat down on the couch.

" _You got up to the part where you two were interrupted by a teenage girl who knocked your date out in the living room,"_ he replied in a more usual neutral tone.

"Right… Right… So she had him out for the count and I just barely caught a glimpse of her sawing at his right ankle with this oversized, gold or bronze blade of some sort. She was acting like she had all the time in the world to mutilate his body so I ran back to his room as quietly as I could to grab my Colt. I wasn't really expecting to shoot her and figured that the gun would do the trick to scare her off. But when I did yell at her, she turned to face me and around her eyes… Seriously Sam I almost don't even know how to describe it… Very briefly they like bled out until there was a thick dark red ring around both of her eyes… I uh… I didn't even think twice before tapping on the trigger twice…" I let myself train off as the vivid images of that day came flooding back. She had been so young and innocent looking that I had had nightmares for weeks where she turned out to be just a teenage girl that I had murdered in cold blood.

Sam didn't seem to notice that my mind had wandered as he tried to clarify the meaning of what I just told him. _"So did that do the trick? Did shooting her kill her?"_

"Yes," I nearly whispered before clearing my throat to explain more confidently. "Yeah it did. Despite their super human strength, crazy fast gestation period and freaky growth spurt into adulthood, Amazons truly are, for all intents and purposes, human. Any blow that would be lethal to a human would be lethal to them too, but with their strength it's kind of hard to win in a knife fight or hand to hand combat, you know?"

" _Yeah, right… That totally makes sense. So go for the kill shot as soon as I have an opening,"_ he answered while he mentally took stock of everything I had told him.

"Exactly. And Sam? Be really careful, okay? They… Umm… The daughters… They really know how to play up the helpless waif card, so be careful of that… That's how one of the moms got the jump on me and was able to leave me in a bloody mess."

" _Oh shit Addy, I'm sorry,"_ he apologized sincerely. After a short pause he asked, _"Are you okay?"_

I laughed unconsciously then replied, "I'm fine Sam. It was four years ago… Plus I was well enough that when I came to I was able to get myself cleaned up and was even able to pick a guy up at a bar."

" _Right, of course you were,"_ Sam said with an uncomfortable chuckle. " _But that wasn't what I meant."_

"Sam," I nearly pleaded as my stomach clenched nervously. "It's fine. I told him he was free to do whatever made him happy. I guess I forgot that in the past that that meant banging every willing piece of ass that crossed his path."

" _Addy,"_ Sam gently scolded me to try to interject a few words of wisdom.

I knew what he was trying to do so before he could speak again I quickly cut-in, "No! Seriously Sam, it's fine. I figured that he would eventually move from conquest to conquest again, but I guess I didn't expect it to happen this soon. Honestly Sam, it's alright… I'm good."

" _Okay, if you say so. But…"_

"I say so… Plus you're wasting time apologizing for something you neither had control over nor had a hand in creating when you should be rescuing your brother from an untimely death again," I interrupted trying not to let my anger bubble over again.

" _Right… Right… But Addy…?"_ Sam started in a gentle voice.

I let out an angry, exasperated sigh then quietly muttered, "Swear to God… Like a fucking dog with a bone… Just like John…" I took in a deep breath then more clearly said, "Sam please, just let it go… Please?"

" _I will… I mean I have. I just wanted to say thanks. I really appreciate your help,"_ he answered with mild sadness. _"I know that you said that you're fine… And I totally believe you! But no matter what's going on with you and Dean… If you need someone to talk to about anything, I'm more than happy to lend an ear."_

"Thanks Sam," I replied trying my best to hide the tears that were trying to surface. "And… Umm… Same to you… I mean… What's happened between… It… It doesn't change how I feel about you. You're still like family and I'm always here if you need me, okay?"

" _Okay, good. I just wanted to make sure that that was clear."_

"It's clear. Now if you're done with the little heart to heart, you have…" I paused then tried to make it sound like a joke to try to mask the pain I was feeling, "You have to stop your niece from offing your brother, okay?"

" _Yeah… Right… Right… I'm actually on my way back to the hotel from the university, but I just wanted to check in with you about how to kill them before I get there just in case,"_ he hastily explained sounding like he was picking up his pace while he walk.

"Okay, good. Good. So I guess I should…"

Sam sill sounded like he was speed walking as he cut in, _"Yeah… And I'll call you after to let you know how it turns out."_

Before I could tell him he didn't have to do that (actually I wasn't sure that I could handle hearing any more about Dean and his daughter) Sam had already hung up the phone. I stared at the darkened face of my cordless phone and let out a sigh that sounded painfully close to a sob. I kept trying to remind myself that I had nothing to be upset about because Sam was more than capable of saving his brother's life and I no longer had an emotional stake in Sam's brother's well-being. Or at least that's what I kept telling myself and I was sure that if I repeated that enough times to myself that I would actually start to believe it.

"Okay… Sam's got that covered… Sam's got that covered…" I repeated just over a whisper as I forced my feet to move.

Once I got the strap of my bag back up on my shoulder, I found myself wondering what Dean's daughter actually looked like. By now she would be in her mid-teens and would have grown into most of her traits that she had inherited from him. I made it to my car without noticing that I was walking while I contemplated how different this teen girl would look like compared to the daughter that Dean and I nearly brought into this world. Would this girl have blond curly hair or did the curls come from my Mum's side of the family? Would she have his green eyes and freckles or would she inherit her mother's eyes and skin tone like our daughter had in my dreams?

"Stop it! Just stop it!" I scolded myself as I unlocked the trunk. "You forgot about him once, you can do it again! He's moved on so now you move on, damn it! No more dwelling on things you can't change!"

By the time I was seated behind the wheel of my car I felt my resolve breaking and the first tear trickling down my cheek. Even though I had sort of been through this before with Dean, I couldn't get a firm handle on my emotions. Although last time I had written off a lot of my emotional outburst as being a result of my hormones being out of whack due to my pregnancy, but this time I had nothing to hide behind. This time I had to face my feelings head on while I dealt with them. Thankfully I had a hunt waiting for me because nothing was better for me to clear my head than helping a family overcome a horrific ordeal and focusing my attention on killing something evil.

I rubbed my sleeve over my cheeks to dry them the best that I could then said to my reflection, "But first to get past the Toby hurdle."

When I pulled up to the Connor's I was relieved to see Maureen's vehicle in the driveway because I knew that she would be more than willing to help me to convince Toby that this hunt was a good idea if I failed to do so on my own. She just happened to be returning some supplies to the garage as I pulled up to park beside her car and she waited for me by the garage door with a warm smile on her face as I walked up to meet her.

As soon as I stepped out of my car, her smile faded and she rushed over to my side worriedly asking, "Adelaide? Honey…? What's happened? What's wrong?"

"What?" I asked managing to sound genuinely confused. "I'm fine Mo… In fact I'm actually better than fine."

"Sweetheart…" Maureen replied with a firm, loving tone as she pet my cheek. She then gently ran the tip of her index finger under my right eye saying, "You've been crying Adelaide and that is in no way a sign of someone being 'fine'."

I thought that I had given myself enough time while I came up with the perfect way to describe my new job to Toby for the evidence of my tears to have faded away, but I still somehow managed not to react to her accusation. Instead I smiled warmly then took her by the hand and led her back to the house explaining, "I swear to you Mo, it really is. See I found this job and from what I read the family is really reluctant to talk to anyone else about what's going on with them…" She sat me down at the kitchen table with a relieved smile spreading across her face causing my tone to sound more and more excited as I spoke. "But them not talking is totally fine because other people in their town had talked to the papers and given them enough details that I was able to piece most of the story together and then I… I called the family and… Uhh… Posed as a psychic…" Maureen's eyes nearly bugged out of her head in surprise, so I threw my hands up in a sign of surrender as I defended myself before she could interrupt to scold me. "I know I know it's a horrible thing to lie about, but it somehow worked. Alice… That's the teenaged daughter of the family… She opened up to me about everything. These were just sympathy tears…" Maureen gave me a stern look so I shrunk back in my seat feeling like I did as a teenager when I was caught in a lie while more sheepishly saying, "Well the genuine sympathy tears did help me to sell my story, but that's not really my fault is it?"

"No Adelaide," she replied managing to make her voice sound both soft and strict at the same time. "It isn't your fault and I am glad that they helped her to feel more comfortable talking with you. I'm sure she needed to get all of that out. So…? Do you have far to travel to work this job?"

"No Ma'am. It's just a few hundred miles from here. And it seems to be a pretty simple, straightforward case, so I don't anticipate being away for too long," I explained taking the mug of coffee she was offering me.

Maureen had never out right told me that she didn't like hearing the details of the hunts I went on, but her body language and overall change in demeanor over the years was evidence enough for me that she didn't. I rarely had her or Bill tend to my wounds because I usually ended up rambling about what had happened during the fight to try to justify my actions which just made them feel even more uncomfortable. Maureen would avoid making eye contact with me and you could see all of the muscles in her body stiffen with every word that tumbled out of my mouth whereas Bill would get this sad, haunted look in his eyes and he would avoid trying to touch me (almost as if he thought that I would shatter or crumble in his hands). As a result of those reactions, I tried to be more tactful about how I talked to them about my jobs. If I thought I was going after something and that there was a chance of me getting seriously injured, I was always honest with them about that possibility and then I would be sure to check in with them on a strict, pre-approved schedule.

Maureen sat down across from me, but before she could attempt to question me any further about my travel plans we both heard Toby's voice coming from the door, "But what are you hunting Addy? How do you know it'll be an easy job if you haven't been there yet? How do you know that they're telling the truth? Or that they're descriptions are accurate? Haven't you always said that you never actually know what the job is about until you get there to assess the situation yourself? Well…? Haven't you?"

I swallowed hard and forced the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes to stay put as I answered, "You're right…" When I noticed that I was practically whispering, I cleared my throat, looked him straight in the eye then tried again. "You're right Toby; I don't know what it is for sure, that's why I said it 'SEEMS pretty simple'. From what Alice told me it sounds like her mom brought home a haunted object from Alice's uncle's house after he committed suicide. Nothing I've heard or read so far has led me to believe that this job is anything other than a simple salt and burn hunt."

Toby's face fell into a hard frown, but I could swear that I saw his lip tremble slightly. I reached out to take his hand but he quickly wrapped his arms around himself to keep himself out of my reach. Maureen had seen this type of exchange between the two of us over the years, especially since they became quite common once Toby hit his teen years, and she was usually more than happy to let us work out our differences out on our own, but today she strayed completely from her norm.

"Tobias," she started as she wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer to me. Once she was close enough to touch me, she pet the side of my head continuing in a calm, serene tone, "Our Adelaide has more than enough experience to get a feel for any job before she gets on scene. Plus we all know that she'll be extra careful when she's working on her own now, so we have to trust her and just be supportive right now."

I encircled Maureen's waist with my right arm and then placed a gentle hand on Toby's still folded arms as I added, "Not to mention our regular check-ins. Once I get there I'll reassess the job and then I'll call to update you about what it is before I move in to finish it. Does that sound like a fair deal Buddy?"

Toby nodded shallowly causing a lone tear to trickle down his right cheek. I could tell that he had a thousand, most likely conflicting, thoughts running through his mind, but he remained mute and just chewed on his bottom lip. After a couple of uncomfortable quiet moments, Toby shrugged out of both of our holds and to my surprise he threw his arms around my neck and nearly slammed his face into my chest. I remained frozen in my place while he cuddled into my torso and I didn't come out of my haze until Maureen started stroking the length of my hair gently.

She and I shared a moment to have our own version of a silent conversation much like I had witnessed when working with any of the Winchesters and I knew that she was going to give Toby and I some time alone to talk. She leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead and then gave me an encouraging smile before turning and exiting the room. Once we were alone, Toby shifted his hold on my neck and then he crawled into my lap. Since he had experienced yet another growth spurt this year, he was easily close to being a foot taller than me now, so it would have made more sense (as well as being more comfortable) if our places were reversed. Luckily Toby noticed this too and shifted his weight so that more of it was on the chair behind him than on my legs before he folded his upper body to hug me tightly. He sighed against my torso and seemed content just to hold me, so I too remained silent and just reveled in the feeling of having him this close to me with my having to prompt him in any way.

"I know you'll be okay and that you know what you're doing on the job, but there's still… I don't know, like a little voice in the back of my mind saying that you shouldn't go," he explained as he slipped off my lap onto the chair behind him to leave only his legs stretched out over my lap.

I lifted his legs at his knees so that I could shift in my chair to more comfortably face him. He tried to pull his legs off my lap, but I stopped him by tightening my grip around his knees as I asked in a soft, quiet voice, "And has that voice gotten louder since I told you about what happened to Bobby?"

He nodded and tried to pull his knees back and this time I let him. We both then turned in our seats so that we were facing each other straight on with our knees touching. Toby started to pick at a scratch on the knee of my jeans that had started to fray, but hadn't yet turned into a hole in order to avoid making eye contact with me. I lifted my hands to reach out to him a couple of times but refrained from touching him to give him the time he needed to collect his thoughts.

"Yeah it has," he replied still staring at my knees. I placed my hand over his that was picking at my jeans and he thankfully turned his eyes up to my face. "And I… I'm okay with it making me feel afraid for your safety, but I really wanted to be honest with you."

"Toby…" I said trying to console him.

"No Addy, I need… I mean I want to explain what I mean by that… Please?" He asked with a determined look in his eyes that made me ignore the tears that had dried on his cheeks.

I sat up straighter and folded my hands in my lap as I replied with a more than audible hitch in my throat, "Of course you can Toby… Go… Go ahead, I'm listening."

His lips pulled back into a tight smile as he too sat up straighter and unconsciously mirrored my position to near perfection. "Okay so this semester I have English and I've always hated English class…" I snickered then whispered, "Me too." His face softened and his tone sounded more like his usual excitable self as he continued, "But this year I Mister Everett and he's like a genius! We've been studying poetry and he's even gotten us to examine song lyrics instead of just a bunch of dusty old poems, which is awesome. So anyway, I always looked at love songs and poems as being all touchy feely or airy fairy…"

He stopped there to scrutinize my reaction because for a brief moment he looked and sounded exactly like Dean and I'm sure that I flinched just enough to tip him off that something was wrong. When I realized what had happened, I quickly forced myself to regain control so that I could keep my face and posture relaxed and open. Thankfully he only saw what I was trying to project and he relaxed in his seat as well.

"Well anyway, he manages to make studying poetry less… Uhh… Abstract… Oh and less boring! And since Valentine's Day is coming up, he's of course been talking about love… And again I know that it's usually a pretty lame topic to talk about, but yesterday in class he said something that I can't stop thinking about…"

A faint blush started to creep up his neck and then Toby quickly tilted his head down to break eye contact. He started to crack his knuckles then fidgeted uncomfortably so I leaned over to ask through a whisper, "What can't you stop thinking about Buddy?"

His head shot up and he lunged forward to hug me around the neck exclaiming, "I love you Addy!"

"And I love you too Toby," I answered with an uneasy chuckle because we had told each other that same thing almost every day since Toby had started to speak, so it wasn't exactly 'news' to me.

Toby huffed out a laugh and sat back shaking his head explaining, "That's… that's not all. What Mister Everett taught us… Umm… He…" Toby took in a deep breath and once again made direct eye contact to brace himself to finish his thought. "Well… Long story short, I now know that it's okay to be scared when you're away from home and out hunting."

"But Toby you don't…"

"No," he interrupted with calm surety. "No that's not what I meant. I mean that's not all of it. What he taught us is that if you love someone then it makes perfect sense that you'd be scared of losing them. Being afraid that I'll lose you doesn't mean that I don't want you to hunt or to take risks, it just mean that you're an important person in my life and that it would totally suck if you weren't around. If I didn't love you then I wouldn't care if you weren't a part of my life. Does…? Does that make more sense?"

I nodded then held his hands in mine saying, "Yeah Buddy that… that makes perfect sense. But I promise that I'll be okay, so try not to worry about me too much."

He smiled smugly (once again looking so much like Dean that I felt like I could break down in tears right then and there) and shook his head replying, "Nope, I've been told that some concern is normal… AND healthy, so that's what you're going to get from me and you can't make me feel any different."

I pulled him into an uncomfortably tight hug (mostly so that I could regain control of my emotions without having to look into 'Dean's' face) and said, "Just so long as it isn't too much thought Tobs."

"No promises," he whispered hugging me with the same intensity I was using to hold him again me. "I'll pray for you too Addy."

I sat back and held his cheeks so that he would see my grateful smile. "I really appreciate that." After placing a soft kiss on his forehead I said against it, "I love you with all my heart and soul Buddy and nothing is ever going to change that."

Toby swallowed thickly but neither of us moved or spoke until we heard Maureen enter the room saying, "All of us will keep you in our prayers until you get home Sweetheart."

I turned to face her as she directed the rest of her comments to Toby, "So you two worked everything out Tobias?"

"Yes Ma'am," he replied taking my hand and resting it in my lap. "I told her everything just like you suggested and you were right Mom."

Maureen gave me a knowing smile as I looked between them and I couldn't help but smile while I stifled a laugh. Maureen was the most honest person I had ever met and yet she was also the only person I knew that could easily manipulate any situation to help clarify or further her point of view. This time when I looked over at the cheeky smile that had made its home on Toby's face, I no longer saw the shadow of his biological father haunting me. Much to my relief Toby instead reminded me of the woman who had raised him from day one and molded him into the young man as well as the woman who was helping me to be the woman I still didn't believe that I could be for my family and friends.

Before I was permitted to head back on my route to Wisconsin, Maureen insisted that I stay at their house to have lunch. Even though I knew that eating with Maureen and Toby would put me severely behind schedule, I couldn't bring myself to refuse them because deep down I really didn't want to leave. I felt safe with them, but then again the longer I stayed off the road the harder it was for me to avoid questions about what was going on between myself and Dean, so leaving meant that I wouldn't have to come up with any elaborate lies to cover up the truth.

By the time I checked into a motel in my destination of Jamestown, Wisconsin, it was just a little after 6pm so I dumped my luggage in my room then found somewhere to eat. I figured that at this time of the evening that Alice and her family would be doing the same and I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot with them by interrupting their family meal. While I ate at a diner down the street from my motel I tried to get into character while reviewing everything that I had found during my brief research.

After I ate, I returned to my room and changed into a white cotton peasant top with multi-colored flowers embroidered around the neck and hem to go along with the jeans I was already wearing. I had made sure to only apply a light layer of makeup when I got ready in the morning in order to project the appearance of someone who was 'one with the Earth' because in my mind's eye that's what I saw when I thought of any of the real psychics I had met over the years.

It was starting to get dark by the time that I finally made my way to the Reynolds' residence and I nearly prayed to God that I hadn't waited too long to go to visit them. The area seemed pretty rural and was bordering on farm country, so I couldn't help wondering if they would have the same habits that the Connors adhered to when they ran their farm and would be going to bed early. Even with those fears gnawing at my subconscious, I still decided to see this through. A family was being terrorized and I had to put a stop to it no matter what reservations I might be having.

The first thing I noticed as I drove down the driveway to the house was that there were a few lights still on. As I got closer to the house I could even see the flickering screen of a television causing me to let out a loud sigh of relief. I figured that with those signs of life that I wasn't really pressing my luck by visiting them tonight. I used the walk from my car to their front door to silently practice the limited vocabulary that I remembered that the psychics I had worked with had used so that I could at least somewhat sound the part now that I felt like I looked it.

To my surprise the front door creaked open as I was raising my hand to knock and then I found myself staring into the weary brown eyes of a teenaged girl. She couldn't have been much older than Toby but she appeared to be so sleep deprived that the dark circles under her eyes and fatigue lines scattered across her face added at least half a decade to her appearance. It broke my heart to see someone her age look so brow beaten and I had to ball my hands into fists at my sides to keep myself from wrapping her in a tight hug because I figured that she was going through enough right now that she didn't need a random stranger invading her personal space.

"Miss Wells? That… That's you, right?" She asked in a quiet, tentative voice.

I smiled warmly as I nodded and replied, "Yes Alice, that's me. But please, just call me Rusty, okay?"

Her lips curved into an easy smile and life slowly came back into her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by her dad calling out, "Alice? Alice? Who's at the door?"

"Papa," she replied more energetically than I thought she would be able to sound after how withdrawn she had looked when she first opened the door. "This is Miss Rusty. She's the lady I told you about that was going to head over here to help us."

"Miss Rusty," he announced with a tone of recognition.

I took his offered hand to give it a firm shake replying, "It's nice to meet you Mister Reynolds, but it's Rusty. Please just call me Rusty, sir."

"Of course. And my name is Grant," he said taking a step into the house and gesturing for me to enter. "I'm sorry that my wife isn't still up and about… She's… she's been through so much that it was all I could do to get her into bed to try to rest."

As soon as I stepped into the house, Alice's hand slipped into mine. She laced our fingers together to keep a firm hold on my hand and led me to a couch explaining, "After Mister Terry figured out why Uncle Bobo was haunting us, Mama kind of… She…"

"Shh… It's okay Alice," I interrupted gently as I pet her head with my free hand. "She's been through more than anyone should have to endure… All of you have. I'm just glad that you were able to get her to try to sleep." I then turned to her father and asked in a calm, serene voice, "And this… I mean, Terry that was helping you… Was he able to…? Uhh… Lay Bruce to rest?"

"He said that he did, but not until after Bruce's supervisor confessed to making my brother in law's murder look like a suicide," Grant explained with a hint of anger sneaking into his tone.

When her father described the situation so bluntly I swiftly shifted my attention to Alice to try to comfort her. As soon as my eyes landed on the teen I knew that my concern was all for nothing.

She somehow maintained her bright smile as she said, "I'm okay. Mister Terry was worried about talking about everything in front of me too, but Uncle Bobo was my best friend, so Papa said that I deserved to hear the truth first hand… Well so long as I thought that I could handle it that is…"

"You're very brave and are handling all of this like a champion," I earnestly praised as I finally pulled her into a hug. She remained under my arm to relax against my side and I inwardly marveled at how comfortable and natural it felt for her to do just that. "And may I ask how Terry was able to… To…"

"Vanquish Bruce's spirit?" Grant finished for me. Alice squeezed my torso as I nodded. Her father chuckled at my unease then answered, "After his boss confessed everything to Terry… Well with some help from Bruce's ghost, Bruce then told Terry what my wife had brought home with her that his soul was still attached to."

Alice gave me a sad smile then said, "I'm still not even sure why Mama would want to keep one of Uncle Bobo's razors anyway."

"He cut himself shaving and there was blood on it," I mused aloud without noticing that I was speaking. They both smiled which allowed me to cover up my own faux pas with a grin. "So he was angry because of the cover up and took it out on you all because the razor kept his spirit anchored here…"

"That's what Mister Terry told us," Alice answered with a nod. She then stole a glance at her father and he smiled encouragingly then jutted his chin towards me. Alice swallowed hard then seemed to lose some of her earlier bravado and more timidly asked, "But could…? Umm… Miss Rusty…? Could you use your…? Umm psychic…? Stuff to make sure that Uncle Bobo really is gone?"

I squeezed her hand and let some tears surface to show her my sincerity as I answered, "Of course I can… I mean I would love to check on that for you and uhh… If you wouldn't be opposed to it Mister… Uhh Grant, I could even do a cleansing for you as well, sir."

"After everything we just went through I would never say no to anything that could help to keep it from ever happening again." He stood up so I followed suit and then he shook my hand adding, "Alice would you able to show Rusty everything on your own while I check on your mother?"

The teen smiled triumphantly at being to in charge of such an important task. I tried not to scowl while I wondered why these people trusted me so quickly and easily. I knew I had put on a good performance on the phone for the teen, but I didn't think it had earned me such seemingly blind faith. Alice followed me out to my car to get some supplies while I continued to silently question why these people let a stranger be alone with their daughter with no questions or reservations.

"He said that if you were driving a GTO that you were a friend of his and you would help us," Alice explained as I started the cleansing ritual.

I froze in my spot then asked in genuine confusion, "What?"

"Mister Terry," she clarified with a playful smile. "When I told him that you had called to offer your help and he said that if you were driving a GTO that you were a friend of his and that we could trust you."

"And your Papa saw my car when he greeted me at the door?"

She nodded then nearly whispered, "Yes ma'am. He signaled me that it was okay, so that's why I took your hand to lead you to the couch… You know to show him I understood his signal and all?"

Alice looked like she expected me to get mad at her, so I made sure that my smile remained bright and inviting as I replied, "Well I'm flattered that he would vouch for me. So…? Would you like to help me out with the cleansing?"

I held out a smoldering bouquet of dried sage to Alice and she took it from me while still looking unsure. I figured that there wasn't really much else that I could say to convince Alice that I wasn't upset if she thought that her comment had done that, so I just continued with the ritual my Mum had taught me when I was Alice's age. She watched me for a bit and when she noticed that my demeanor hadn't changed at all she quickly fell into step with me. I almost stopped to explain what I was doing to her, but she was mirroring my actions so perfectly that I realized that it really didn't seem necessary for me to do so.

When we were finished, Alice brought out the box of goods that her mother had brought home from her Uncle's home. I had no doubts that Terry had been able to stop any further hauntings when he burned Bruce's razor, but I also didn't see the harm in indulging Alice right now. She started pulling the items out one by one and got more and more excited as she explained each one that she removed as she recounted its significance to me. She made sure to give me a moment to examine each item before handing me the next until we had gone through the box's contents and then had them carefully repacked.

"So Miss Rusty…? Do you…? Still…? Umm still feel him here?" Alice asked as she placed the box on the floor beside the couch.

"Yes… And no," I answered honestly. Alice's eyes grew wide with concern, so I gently took her hands in mine and twisted in my seat to face her straight on. "I promise that I'll explain what I mean. First, no I don't feel him attached to anything in the box or around your house." She shuddered then slumped slightly in her seat as some residual tension seeped out of all of her muscles. "But in the next breath, yes I do still feel him… Or rather I feel your love for him. When you talk about your Uncle Bobo your lip quirks back into a bit of a sly smile." She giggled self-consciously when I tapped my index finger against the left corner of her mouth. "That tells me he's still alive in your heart, just like all of our loved ones should be."

Alice pressed her hand against her left cheek then sheepishly said, "Uncle Bobo used to call it my 'secret smile' because he was the only one that got to see it regularly."

I laid my palm against the back of her hand that was still plastered against her cheek quietly saying, "And you still will continue to save it for him and that's… beautiful."

A tear escaped Alice's eye, but her smile never faltered as she lunged forward to give me an overly enthusiastic hug. "Thank you… Thank you for making all of this better for me."

"Alice I… I didn't really… It was Terry that…"

She sat back to look up at my face, shaking her head saying, "No, no… It's you. He laid Uncle Bobo to rest, but you made me feel less… less…"

"Neurotic?" I cut in trying to be helpful. Alice scowled at me like she thought that I had called her a dirty name, so I quickly tried again, "Less weird and scatter brained?"

"Oh…"Alice replied with her cheeks turning pink from embarrassment. "Is…? Is that what near…? Near…?"

"Neurotic," I said while over enunciating each syllable to help her learn the word.

"Neurotic? That's what it means?" She asked sounding younger than she had when I first met her.

I smiled and pet her cheek replying, "It sure does Lacey."

Alice fell mute and froze completely in her place just like I thought she would after I used the nickname I had seen her Uncle use for her. Much to my relief she had no idea that I had seen a Valentine from Alice to her Uncle in a bundle of letters her mother had brought home, so I was able to use it to add some credibility to my claims that I was a psychic.

"So he's not mad that I gave Mister Terry the razor to…? To…? Stop him?" Alice questioned as tears of sorrow started to over-take her.

This time I didn't have to pretend to be a psychic in order to say the right thing to comfort her because dealing with this type of situation was something that I had learned about during my first hunt with my Mum. I made sure to wrap Alice in a comforting embrace before I answered, "Not in the least Sweetheart. He was angry because someone lied about how he had died which made your Mum so sad that it hurt him right down to his lingering spirit. But Terry was able to help him get the truth out, but you…" I gently pushed her back so I could hold her cheeks as I continued, "You my little Angel…" I paused thinking of the times I had called Toby that during the brief period of time when he had known that I was his biological mother and tried to use those emotions to show Alice what an important role she had played in laying her beloved Uncle to rest. "You helped to put his soul to rest so that he wouldn't take his anger out on the people he loves as this situation got worse for him. You done good Koala Bear."

Hearing myself use the same phrase that Bobby had been saying to me since I was a pre-teen caused me to throw my hand over my mouth in shocked dismay. Alice continued to smile while she pulled my hand away from my mouth then slyly replied, "I think that last part was meant for you Miss Rusty."

I nodded dumbly then tried my best to give her a genuine smile. "Sorry about that. I guess you never know when someone else will barge in on a session." I then stood up and said, "Alright… So everything seems to be settled here, but Alice…" I made sure to calm my tone as I held both of her hands as I finished, "Alice if you ever… EVER need anything… And I mean ANYTHING, remember that you have my number and I'm only a few hours' drive away."

"Really?" Alice questioned looking up at me with wide-eyed disbelief.

"Really," I replied as I sat down and gave her another warm hug.

She squeezed me as tightly as she could while saying into my chest, "I'm so glad you found our story Miss Rusty. Knowing people like you and Mister Terry are around makes dealing with this easier."

I couldn't help myself as I held her face and thought of the times I had comforted Toby as I replied, "And I'm honored to have been let into your house to help you." I placed a hard kiss against Alice's forehead then quickly stood up saying, "Make sure to let me know if you need any back up with your Mama, okay? Losing her brother is going to be really hard on her so…"

"I'll be there to support and comfort her," Alice replied resolutely as she clutched one of my hands. "I swear Miss Rusty, I'll be there for Mama any way that I can."

"Good… That's good to hear Alice. Okay. So if you need to talk or anything else, you call me okay? But deep down I can feel that if you all stick together that everything will be just fine."

I almost made it out the door before Alice called out, "Thanks again Miss Rusty. Thank you for everything! And I promise I will call!"

At the door I turned to give her a watery smile and slipped out onto the landing. I took a moment with my back pressed against the closed front door to catch my breath before I even attempted to make my way down the front stairs. For some reason Alice reminded me so much of Toby that it almost hurt, but I couldn't quite figure out why. She looked nothing like any incantation of his sister that I had dreamt about over the past couple of years and yet she still evoked the same fierce protective sentiment from me that Toby did each and every day since I was told that he was growing in my womb.

 _She doesn't even look like a female version of Toby, so why?_ I questioned as I made my way back to my car. _Is it because she's a helpless kid? Is that why Dean hates taking cases involving kids? Is it because he…? What? FUCK! Fuck! Stop! No!_ I pressed my thumb and index fingers into my eyes while admonishing myself. _Stop fucking thinking about him! He wasn't thinking about you when he knocked up a fucking monster._

While I was still trying to keep my thoughts from straying back to Dean I for some reason thought that calling Toby would be the cure.

" _Hey Addy! So what is it that you're fighting?"_ He asked instead of a proper "Hello".

"Fatigue mostly," I replied as I turned my car around in the Reynolds' driveway.

Toby bit back a sob then took in a deep breath to more calmly ask, _"Is it really that bad Addy?"_

"No Buddy it really isn't that bad at all." I pulled over to the shoulder on the road beyond the Reynolds' driveway to take the time to properly report, "To be completely honest this job turned out to be a whole lot of nothing."

" _Really?"_ He asked sounding genuinely calmer.

"Really. Another hunter… Actually my old friend that I've told you about took care of all of the hard stuff before I got here."

I heard him swallow and then Toby asked just over a whisper, _"So does that…? Are you heading home now?"_

"No Buddy, not just yet," I replied as I stole a glance at the clock over my radio. "It's so late and talking everything out with this victim was more exhausting than I anticipated it would be, so I'll be spending at least tonight here."

" _At least?"_ Toby questioned sounding like he was now on the verge of tears.

I tried to keep from breaking my composed demeanor as I explained, "I might spend an extra night here in case Alice needs back up with her Mum. Buddy she didn't grow up knowing about all of this stuff so she's still pretty shaken up about her favorite Uncle turning into an angry spirit. I was…"

" _Wow! Yeah… And she's like my age, right?"_ Toby knew the answer to that question already so he didn't pause before saying, _"You stay there as long as she needs you to so you can help them out with all of this, okay Addy? Just let me know if I can do anything, okay?"_

"Okay, I think I'll do just that. Thanks for understanding. Love you. G'Night Buddy!"

The next day I woke up and found that I had nothing but the usual SPAM emails waiting for me on my phone, so I decided to take it easy on myself for the rest of the day. True I didn't actually salt and burn any bones to free this family from torment, but deep down I still had a feeling that they would be at peace because of the work that I did do. In my mind being emotionally exhausted because of a job far outweighed any fatigue I would feel from being physically drained and my dead, dreamless sleep further added credence to that fact yet again.

Since I had already told Toby that I might not be home any time today, I decided to just take my time getting up to prepare for the day. I didn't really have any idea what I would do beside sit in my room and that quickly translated into me going to the diner around the corner from my motel again while still looking more like someone fit to be staying at a homeless shelter than the seasoned hunter that I truly was.

As I worked at opening the lock of my motel room door after eating to try to get some more much needed sleep, I felt a hand run through my hair to cup the back of my neck.

"Addy… You've lost weight," the male voice that belonged to the hand teased into my ear. I must have been more tired than I had originally thought because he was able to turn me so that he could kiss me before I had a chance to fight back.

I reciprocated his embraces briefly but once his voice registered in my brain, I came back to myself and planted my hands against his shoulders protesting, "No… Terry… I… I can't… I…"

Terry caught a glint of light that reflected off my left ring finger causing me to more sheepishly finish, "I have a… complication."

He pulled my hand up to inspect the ring encircling my finger then graciously let it go when I tried to pull it out of his grasp.

"Wow… You… Shit. Addy I'm sorry… I didn't… Well I thought that the only guy you'd ever tie yourself to permanently was that Winchester…"

"And that would be why it's a complication," I interrupted over the rest of Terry's confused commentary. "We're kind of… Anyway…"

"Okay. I think I get it. But I also heard a rumor that you had dropped out of the game, so you taking on this job…?"

I turned to face him as I answered with a slightly humorous tone, "This job that you did all of the hard work? Yeah, I was going to try to use it to end my hiatus."

Terry stepped up beside me and ran his fingers through my hair again while I just continued to stare into his eyes dumbly. Once he realized that his motives weren't clear to me, Terry pecked my lips then said, "Well I still owe you a rain check, remember?"

I let him keep his forehead pressed against mine while I replied sounding like a scared little girl despite my years and experience in the field, "I'm sorry Terry but I can't… Maybe once we… I mean once I…"

"Have your complication figured out?" He graciously finished for me. I nodded feeling too guilty to speak. "Well I can't say that I'm not disappointed, but it was good to see you again Addy. I'm sorry I stole this one out from under you, but not going to lie… It'd be great to work with you on a job again sometime in the not too distant future."

I chuckled then shook my head replying, "The ghost got ganked, the family's alive, they're sticking together to work through the pain… That's all that matters, right?" I gave him a quick hug then added, "And it was good seeing you again Terry. I'm glad you've made it this far with all the weird shit that's happened."

"You too Addy. Hope "running into you" happens again soon."

We gave each other another quick hug and then I finally made it back into my room. After seeing Terry I realized that my plans to hide out at the motel now felt odd and uncomfortable, so I showered, changed, packed and then checked out to head back home.

While I was on the Interstate driving back to Kidder I contemplated calling Toby to let him know that I was on my way heading back home, but then I stopped myself. If he thought that I was still in Wisconsin then I could hide out at my home without being bombarded with any more questions about how Sam and Dean were dealing with all of us losing Bobby or about when I was planning on making more serious attempts to meet up with the Winchesters without feeling any undue guilt from my family.

I could feel my lips quirking into an embarrassed smile as I pulled my bag out of my trunk before I continued to the back door of my house. It seemed so easy and quite brilliant of a plan to just pretend that I was still out of town to get a little time to myself right now, but it still made me feel more than a little guilty. Even as I entered my kitchen thought the back door I was trying to come up with an acceptable excuse to use in case Toby figured everything out and caught me in a lie.

 _Lying to your family to have a few days alone in your own house?_ I thought to myself almost laughing. _Seriously Addy, that's…_ I forced myself to stop cold in my spot beside the island without giving the rest of my self-deprecating quip another thought. I wasn't completely sure what it was that had me spooked because I most certainly was not a psychic in any way, shape or form, but something in my gut told me that I wasn't alone in my house. After the whole incident of me and Toby getting kidnapped by Crowley and his goons, I had made sure to refresh all of the sigils and salt lines around the house to ensure that no other demons or angry spirits could penetrate any of them. I hadn't realized before now that Sydney had gone from being completely guilt stricken (over my Mum's death) to being completely work obsessed after Mum's murder that he had neglected to heed Mum's constant warnings that all of our forms of protection needed to be checked and recharged on a regular schedule. But now that I had followed all of the instructions to protect my house per my Mum's original orders that I had stringently followed while growing up, I knew that if someone was in my house right now that is was most likely a regular human or an angel.

In case it was the foe of the latter variety I pulled out a knife from my bag as quietly as I could to draw the blood sigil Dean had taught me that could be used to banish Angels. I sliced my left palm and quickly traced out the logo to the best of my recollection and then I tied a tea towel around my hand to stem the minimal flow of blood. I continued to crawl on my kitchen floor as I fished around for my coat to retrieve my Colt from its pocket. I resisted the urge to pop the clip out to check what ammunition was chambered in the muzzle because I already knew that they were just the common lead rounds that you could buy practically anywhere because I didn't want to make any unnecessary noise. I still stayed as close to the ground as I could so that I could try to catch a glance at whomever it was that had decided to try to ambush me on my own turf and then I hear him issue a loud, full bellied laugh.

"It's just me," he called out all too casually. "Seriously Lay you should probably bring in the salt, Holy Water, silver and Borax so you can be absolutely sure."

Hearing Dean's voice so clearly caused me to fall flat on my ass between my now blood covered cabinet and my island in disbelief. My firearm felt heavy in my hand, so I let it fall to the floor before I tried to push myself up to my feet. Since he (or it) already knew that I was in the house I didn't worry about how much noise I might make as I rummaged through my bag that I left beside the back door.

Dean was still sprawled out over my living room couch as if he didn't have a care in the world when I entered the room, so I tried my damnedest not to show him my unease. When I finally saw him in the flesh again my breath caught in my throat but I still managed to remain upright with an unimpressed neutral look on my face as I continued to approach him.

"Here take this," I stated flatly as I placed the knife on the coffee table in front of him. "There's no need for any of that other stuff because this will cover all the bases for us."

I jutted my chin towards the knife to drive home my point and Dean's eyes became laser focused on it instead of me. What he didn't know was that the handle of the knife was made of pure iron so if he was a demon that had managed to make it past my safe guards then its hand would start smoking the instant it wrapped its paw around the handle.

Dean leaned over and picked up the knife without any repercussions so I forced myself not to react as well. He may have stolen a glance at my face but I didn't notice it because my eyes remained trained solely on the knife.

I know that one cut would prove his humanity to me, so I tried to mentally prepare myself. In case the silver sliced through his skin without reacting and he bled red instead of black goo like a Leviathan, I kept my eyes on the blade in order to avoid making eye contact with him. Dean wanted to mock me for the blank look that had made its home on my face, but he kept it to himself as he pulled his left sleeve back to show a few score marks on his forearm before creating another one for my benefit.

His skin and blood proved that he was human and I almost wanted to take the blade from him and plunge it into his heart for the pain he had caused me. Instead I let him just drop it on the table top saying, "So that proved that I was human? How can you be sure Adelaide?"

I grit my teeth at hearing him use my proper name (even if it was with a humorous tone) and then I snatched the knife off the coffee table snapping, "The hand is iron…" I held it up dramatically. "So I'm not possessed by a spirit or a demon." Before Dean could say anything else, I trust my left arm forward and sliced a painful diagonal line across my forearm. "Red… Still fucking bleeding red and OH! Check that out… My silver blade didn't react to either of us at all, so I guess that means we're both human…" As I gripped my forearm with my right hand I snidely said, "So there… We're both still us… Why are you here Dean?"

"Add… Lay," he started almost repentantly as I noticed that my arm was bleeding worse than I had predicted it would to prove to him I was human.

When I saw the rapid rate of the blood flowing between my fingers I abandoned any of the other snide, cutting remarks I had come up with and ran to the main floor bathroom. As I cleaned the wound I cursed my stupidity because not only was the cut longer than I had intended to cut myself, it was much deeper as well. I hated to admit it to myself but this new wound was evidence that I had let my anger get the best of me. Then again it was probably better that I maimed myself instead of cutting Dean like had wanted to due to the rage that was building at seeing how casual he was being right now.

"Shit… You don't have to hit an artery to make the silver react," Dean chastised me with a nervous laugh like he had countless times in the past when he was with me when I had gotten hurt during a hunt.

While I dabbed my forearm with a towel to dry it before dressing the wound, Dean grabbed it in a two handed grasp so that he could inspect it. He barely had a chance to lift my forearm to his face before I snatched it back and took a large step away from him angrily retorting, "And I didn't this time either. It's fine."

"Lay I think you might need stitches," he said in a soft, careful voice.

"I said it's fine, so it's FINE," I replied sharply without sparing a look in his direction.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but he held his tongue when he saw me just working at taping the cut closed. My eyes stayed trained on my wound and miraculously my hands weren't shaking, so Dean hung his head shamefully then turned to leave without another word. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him turn on his heel so I lifted my eyes just enough to watch his back as he moved into the kitchen.

I tried my best to keep my attention focused solely on the task at hand, but I couldn't help but track the sounds of his boots on the floor as he moved around the kitchen. The sound of the fridge opening followed by glass bottles clanging together almost made me scoff out a sardonic laugh because of the familiarity of those actions, but my anger kept me from saying anything out loud. If Dean wanted to drink his pain away I was more than fine with that because all I wanted was to down a bottle or two of something strong to do the same.

Once my arm was properly taped and bandaged with gauze, I finally made my way into the kitchen. Despite my reservations I tried to look strong as I walked through the bathroom door and almost laughed when I found the kitchen empty. I walked towards the fridge, but stopped myself from opening the door once my palm touched the handle because if Dean and I were going to 'talk' then it would be best for me not to have anything resembling a weapon or something breakable in my hand.

When I finally made it to the living room I found Dean standing behind the couch pacing. I stood in the doorway just watching him because every so often he would pause and look at one spot on the floor close to the threshold. I could have sworn that I saw tears in his eyes so I directed my gaze to that spot as well to try to figure out why it would sadden him to the point of tears.

Suddenly it hit me… That's where Toby had found my body and Dean had tried to revive me after Crowley had shown up to claim my soul. I wrapped my arms around my midsection and winced a bit at the pain radiating up my left arm to keep myself from reaching out to Dean. I almost called out another apology to him for how horrific that day was, but then I reminded myself of what he had just done and a cruel smile spread across my face.

"Now you know how I feel." Dean turned to look at me but he didn't seem to understand what I meant by my previous statement. I crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned against the door jamb and then jutted my chin in the direction of the front door saying, "I wasn't sure how to describe how much it hurt when I found out from Sam that… Well you know, but now I think I have an acceptable comparison."

Dean once again just hung his head, but he didn't say anything. My smile grew wider as I happily took comfort in my anger right now. I took a step into the room but made sure to keep the couch between us as I said, "And you didn't answer my question… Why are you here Dean?"

"I… I wanted… No…" He raised his head and looked so genuinely sad that I almost let my rage seep out of me. "I needed to see Toby."

"HA… So you needed to see your offspring that doesn't want to kill you and eat you to make you a part of a ritual sacrifice to a Greek Goddess? Yeah that makes sense." I threw my arms out to gesture around the room aimlessly as I continued, "But as you can see he isn't here… So unless you're lost or are too dumb to remember where his house is, that doesn't answer my question."

Dean placed both of his hands on the back of the couch and looked like he was trying to gather some more strength to stand upright as he answered, "Yeah I remember… Sam's actually hanging out with him right now. I think he's enlisting Toby'd help to work on the numbers Bobby left us, so I asked Sam to drop me off here because I needed to talk to you."

Bringing up Bobby was a bit of a low blow and normally would have been the key to softening my heart, but today I wouldn't allow it. "Why? Why would we need to talk? You made your choice pretty crystal fucking clear, so there really isn't anything else for us to discuss."

"Lay," he pleaded as he slowly made his way around the couch. "I… I… I have no excuse for what I did… But I can tell you what I learned from making that stupid mistake."

I scoffed at his attempt at an apology, but didn't move to stop him when he raised a hand to pet the side of my face. His other hand came up so that he was gently holding my face while making painfully direct eye contact with me.

"You were right; I did need the time away to get my head on straight. I can't promise you that I've got it completely straight because I still need to figure out what Bobby told us so that I can find then kill Dick Roman…" He paused to capture a tear spilling down my cheek with a kiss. "But I can tell you now without a doubt that I know that I need you by my side too keep me from going completely overboard."

I shuddered out a breath, trying my hardest to keep it from becoming a sob with my eyes squeezed tight. I had already decided that I wasn't going to give into any of Dean's sweet talk this time, but having him this close to me made it nearly impossible to stay mad at him. A few more tears fell from my closed eyes and Dean took them as being a sign of remorse or forgiveness and leaned down to place a soft kiss on my lips.

Something inside of me shattered into tiny pieces because nothing else mattered except that this was Dean, Dean Winchester was kissing me. He was my first love and thanks to the intervention of angels he was slotted to remain the sole proprietor of my heart. My arms unfolded and fell to my sides as I leaned up into his kiss and let him deepen his embraces. He kept his hands on my cheeks to change the angle of my head while his mouth ravished mine.

He finally released my lips when his lungs started to burn from the lack of oxygen our kissing had caused. He was hyperventilating to get as much air as he could into his lungs. His hands slowly slid down my face to my neck and then to my shoulders before he let them fall away as he rested his forehead against mine. I wasn't sure if my voice would sound strong or not, so I remained silent until I could be sure because I didn't want there to be any doubt about what I meant when I told him what I was going to say.

Dean tilted his head so that he could kiss my forehead before he moved his face back a couple of inches to look me in the eye again. I kept my face as blank as possible while I watched him try to decide what he was going to say next.

He took a deep breath then close his eyes humming a familiar tune then half-spoke, half-sang, "Let me be the one you call… If you jump I'll break your fall…"

Because Dean kept his eyes closed he didn't see my right hand fly up above my head before it landed hard against his left cheek. After I slapped Dean as hard as I could, I noticed that he had a new amulet swinging around his neck from a black leather cord. The hit was actually harder than I had originally intended because the brutal impact of it was more than evident when he grabbed his cheek and twisted away from me while nearly doubling over in pain.

Maybe it was my overwhelming anger or maybe I just wanted to be cruel and vindictive but I waited until he was facing me straight on before I yanked the cord hard enough to rip it from his neck saying, "You don't get to wear this anymore… And that shit isn't going to work on me this time!"

Dean's eyes went wide for a second before he narrowed them to stare at my left hand. I knew that he wouldn't see what he was looking for so I stalked over to the liquor cabinet and snatched up a box off of its shelf. When I turned around to stomp back over to Dean I found that he had followed me when I walked away. I stood my ground and silently shoved the box into his chest with a bruising force, making sure one of its corners dug painfully into his chest.

He immediately wrapped his hand almost uncomfortably tight around mine and tried to force me to make some sort of meaningful eye contact. Once our gazes met I immediately diverted my eyes because I wasn't sure that I could hide the lingering pain that I could feel in my heart and soul. Dean maintained his hold on my hand and then he gave it a squeeze before taking the box and let my hand fall to my side. We both turned so our backs were facing each other and Dean quickly opened the box to double check that the box contained what he assumed it would.

"Just take it and go," I whispered to break the deafening silence.

Dean stared at my back then quietly pleaded, "Lay…"

I pivoted on my heel to face him, not really caring that I couldn't stop my tears from falling from my eyes as I repeated, "Just take it and go."

"But Lay I wanted…"

"No!" I yelled over his new plea. I took a couple of steps forward and shoved him towards the front door. "No! I don't give a fuck about anything you have to say. I don't care about what you do anymore! Just… Just get the fuck out of my house!"

Dean stumbled back a couple of steps with every shove I placed against his chest until his heels hit the edge of the mat by the door. I reached around him and pulled the door open in an undeniable invitation for him to leave but he remained frozen in his spot.

He opened his mouth to speak so I let out a wordless scream as I pushed him hard on the torso one last time. Dean almost landed on his ass on the front porch and I didn't wait to see if he found his footing before I slammed the door closed and locked it.

I rested my head against the door to brace myself for a new onslaught of tears that I could feel were going to overtake me when I heard a voice from the direction of the den behind me call out, "Adelaide? I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, but… Can I still be of help?"


	32. Was It Too Soon to Tell?

" **Yeah… And I'll call you after to let you know how it turns out."**

_**Before I could tell him he didn't have to do that (actually I wasn't sure that I could handle hearing anymore about Dean and his daughter) Sam had already hung up the phone. I stared at the darkened face of my cordless phone and let out a sigh that sounded painfully close to a sob. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of the couch in an attempt to catch my breath and collect my thoughts.** _

_**I knew that I shouldn't be upset because I hadn't lied when I had told Sam that Dean was just following my instructions to do whatever he needed to do to figure out where his head and heart were right now, which should have pleased me. But even with that knowledge I couldn't shake the feeling that I might break down into tears at any second. My chest felt tight and as I ground the heel of my hand into my upper chest I tried to think of what I had eaten today that could have cause me to have such terrible heart burn.** _

**Or maybe it's because I haven't eaten enough today** _**I thought as I pressed my open hand into my left breast just over my heart.** _ **Or… Shit… SHIT… FUCK!**

_**The longer I tried to focus all of my attention on the pain emanating from my chest the more familiar it started to feel. My hand started fisting the cloth of my t-shirt so tightly that I nearly tore its seem at the neck. I took in a slow, deep breath through my nose and as I let it out through my mouth before I actually choked out a sob and started crying. This definitely wasn't heart burn that I was fighting, it was heart ache. Although it wasn't as incapacitating as the last time I had felt it (thankfully there was no meddling Arc Angel to distort the sigil and magnify my pain this time) there was no mistaking what my heart was feeling right now. Even though my heart was telling me that it didn't want me to be angry with Dean and that it demanded to be close to him again, I refused to listen and instead just sat there with my eyes closed as silent tears fell from both of my eyes while I tried to ignore it or will it away.** _

_**I tried to think of anyone or anything that wasn't Dean but no matter what I attempted to envision, my thoughts nearly instantaneously shifted back to him. This was an all too familiar predicament, so I opened my eyes with an unintelligible, guttural scream as I reached for the first thing that I could find on the coffee table. My hand wrapped around a short crystal tumbler to throw it across the room at a wall as easily as it did when I settled in this very spot to sip at a night cap of scotch at the end of any given day.** _

_**Anger started to seep into practically every fiber of my being which thankfully numbed the ache in my heart. The tiny shards of glass that ended up at the base of the wall were completely forgotten during a brief moment of clarity that allowed me to come up with a plan. I knew I couldn't get through all of this on my own and I refused to give into my number one weakness, Dean Winchester, to keep the pain away, so I decided it would be best to enlist someone's help. Well more like 'something's' aid to find a resolution to my current dilemma.** _

_**I jumped to my feet and rushed over to the oak entertainment center that I used to keep all of my DVDs and pulled open the only door of the four that could be secured with a lock. My Mum had always made sure to keep this cabinet fully stocked with the herbs from our garden and practically any other ingredient she could get her hands on that could be used for any spell or ritual that a hunter could ever need or think up. Over the years I hadn't been as studious about restocking some of the items that were easily found, but I remained confident that I would find everything I would need in there today.** _

_**Inside this part of the cabinet there was a metal safe with some symbols of protection etched into it. When Mum first learned that I was pregnant all those years ago she started baby proofing the house as soon as we got home from Nebraska because she thought (and hoped) that I was going to raise my child here with her. I still don't understand why she hadn't worried about doing this when I was born, but she wanted to make sure that all of her books with some of the most powerful spells and summoning rituals were locked away until my child understood how to be careful around all of the tools of the family trade.** _

_**As I turned the dial I couldn't help but let out a sad laugh at the memory of how excited my Mum had been to become a 'Grande Ol' Cheese' (as she loved to call herself). She had been nothing but confident that I would be a great mother, so I made sure not to tell her about any of my doubts about my abilities and was eternally grateful that she had read about my decision to give the baby up for adoption because I don't think that I would have had the guts to tell her myself. My sorrow filled laugh shifted into a playful chuckle as I watched my hand turn the dial of the lock from 13 to 83 and then continued to twist it to 62. Normally that would be enough to hear a loud click to know that the safe was open, but that wasn't good enough for my Mum. She had this lock modified so that it took six numbers instead of three to complete the combination. Tears of happy remembrance started to fall as I moved the dial from 34 to 55 and finished at 42.** _

" _ **I miss you Mum," I whispered as I finally turned the handle a quarter turn to pull the door open. My Mum had sort of stolen the idea for this combination from John Winchester because he had been partial to using GPS coordinates to communicate specific information to people. My lips quirked back into the same mischievous smile that Mum had worn when she explained that those six digits were a condensed version of the coordinates that would lead you to Adelaide, Australia. At the time she said it was the just the first city name that had popped into her head, but the tears that welled up in her eyes radiated nothing but her unconditional love for me.**_

_**I sifted through the book in the metal box to pull out the one I was looking for. My hand lingered on the door handle as I closed and locked the safe while I let myself get lost in some happy memories of my mother. With a firm shake of my head I cleared my mind of those thoughts because I was sure that no matter how much she loved me that she wouldn't approve of this course of action in any way, shape or form and would have done anything in her power to stop me.** _

_**In an attempt not to let my doubts overtake me while I double checked what ingredients I needed for this ritual I turned my back on the entertainment center and hopefully the memories it evoked. Once I had memorized the ingredients I needed, I moved as quickly as I could to fish them out of the cabinet before sitting down on the couch once again.** _

_**For a couple of minutes I just stared at everything that was needed to complete this part of my plan. I was hoping that if this was the wrong choice that someone (or something) would give me a sign and I would feel it deep down inside that I should divert myself from this course, but I continued to only feel the numbing anger that had been coursing through my veins since I had opened my eyes and smashed the tumbler on the wall after talking to Sam.** _

_**Before I could end up being the one to talk myself out of doing this, I swiped my arm across the table top to clear it. With a white grease pencil I copied out the symbol that was in the book and then I place five jar candles at specific points around the symbol. After double checking that the lay out on my coffee table matched that of the image in the book, I then focused my attention on preparing the herbs and other ingredients.** _

_**One thing I loved about baking was that all of the ingredients were spelled out with very specific measurements to ensure the success of your dish. If any one item was out of proportion, you would see it in the end result, but so long as you followed the instructions to the letter your dish would turn out perfectly every time. As I poured the last vial into my grey marble mortar and started mixing everything together with the pestle, I silently grumbled to myself about how vague everyone was that had written these texts. All they said in them was that you needed something like 'rose hips', but never how many or how much. What if I needed to crush up four hips to guarantee that the summoning would work properly but I only had three handy to use. How would I know that that was what caused this to fail, well if it did fail, so that I could do it properly the next time I tried?** _

" _ **Stop it Addy," I scolded myself out loud under my breath. "Now you place the bowl in the center of the table, light it and wait. Don't you dare start fucking doubting yourself now."**_

_**While I gave myself those instructions I let the pestle fall to the couch cushion beside me and then I carefully placed the mortar in the middle of the drawing on the table. My hands lingered around the marble bowl as I closed my eyes to say a silent prayer which soon turned into a nervous laugh.** _

" _ **Pretty sure He's the last one that going to help you make this work," I teased myself with another uncomfortable chuckle.**_

_**I quickly double checked that what I had just created on my coffee table looked the same as the picture in the book. Finally I felt satisfied that it look as good as I could get it after I moved a couple of the candles a few inches over. Before I could talk myself out of seeing this through, I struck a wooden match against its box and tossed it into the marble bowl.** _

_**I jumped slightly at the large flame that flared up and hadn't realized I had closed my eyes until I noticed that I was sitting in total darkness. My eyes opened slowly to a haze of smoke lingering over the coffee table but I still appeared to be completely alone in the room. I wasn't sure how long a summoning like this usually took to work because I had only ever done this once and Balthazar hadn't been too certain about helping us so he had resisted showing up for as long as he could physically hold out. I scoffed softly as my thoughts once again wandered to Dean and the stories he had told me of performing similar rituals. Of course in all of his tales the being he and Sam had called forward had always shown up by the time the smoke cleared, but now I questioned how true that fact was.** _

_**My teeth ground together and I rubbed the heels of my palms into my eyes in an effort not to scream again. I let my hands fall slowly to my sides and took in a few deep, deliberate breaths with my eyes still closed to further calm myself down. As I sat there, I couldn't help but say a quick wish that I wouldn't have to wait much longer (because saying a prayer seemed a little ridiculous and rude right now) and then I forced myself to open my eyes again.** _

_**After watching ten minutes tick away on the clock of my DVR, I finally gave up hope of them showing up and forced myself off of the couch. Despite how I felt about driving the final nail into the coffin to mark the end of the era of romance between me and Dean, I still had a job waiting for me to finish. I tried to remind myself that I was excited to head to Wisconsin to help the Reynolds family because Alice had sounded so relieved when I told her that I not only believed her but that I could also help her to put an end to all of what was happening to her and her family as well. The genuine gratitude that I had heard in her voice when I had simply offered to come and banish the spirit that was tormenting her and her parents had actually brought both of us to tears. When I had hung up the phone with her last night I had been really looking forward to finishing this job like I had when I was a teenager. My only goal was to help this one family through their pain and I didn't have to worry about any Heavenly or demonic conspiracies to take over the world which was unbelievably refreshing.** _

_**I walked around the table while I tried to keep my mind focused on the job that I had been so elated to find before talking to Sam as I blew out all of the candles. It was more than evident that they weren't going to show so I decided to leave everything in place to possibly give the ritual another try once I returned home from Wisconsin. I couldn't help but wonder if my conflicted emotional state had had an adverse effect on this particular ritual and hoped that this job would help to center me once again so that I could help ensure its success in the future.** _

"But Lay I wanted…" Dean said in an attempt to make another appeal for forgiveness.

"No!" I yelled over his new plea. I took a couple of steps forward and shoved him towards the front door. "No! I don't give a fuck about anything you have to say. I don't care about what you do anymore! Just… Just get the fuck out of my house!"

Dean opened his mouth to speak so I let out a wordless scream as I push him hard on the torso one last time. Dean almost landed on his ass on the front porch and I didn't wait to see if he found his footing before I slammed the door closed and locked it.

I rested my head against the door to brace myself for a new onslaught of tears that I could feel was going to overtake me. After taking in a slow, deep breath, I held it for a count of ten in the hopes that my tears would fade away. I started to almost pet the door and then I sputtered out a laugh that turned into a sob because it finally occurred to me that locking Dean out of my house was pretty much useless because he had a key for both doors and could let himself in whenever he wanted to just like he had today.

 _Shit… Shit… FUCK! How the hell do I explain changing the locks to Toby without having to tell him the whole truth? Damn… DAMN… More lies… Great! That's just fucking great Addy!_ I thought to myself as I gently banged my head against the front door.

I had already decided that whatever this was that I had felt between Dean and I had come to an end, but that didn't mean that he would stop being Toby's 'father'. The two of them had finally fallen into a comfortable rhythm that was similar to the relationship they had forged back when Toby had been aware of his parentage and I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship in any way. What had happened was solely between Dean and I, so I was going to try my damnedest not to let our relationship (or lack thereof) affect how anyone else in our (disjointed) family interacted with us.

My lip started to tremble and when I tried to take in another deep breath, it sounded suspiciously like a sniffle, so I just decided to give in to my need to cry. Dean would probably be able to hear my violent sobs if he was still on my front porch, but I was so beyond caring about that and in a way having him hear me in so much agony almost sounded appealing. I had anticipated going through a mourning period after I had decided to call it quits with Dean, but I had completely forgotten how much Dean's presence could affect me and how he could heighten all of my emotions to near incapacitating levels.

As I gave in and let the first few tears fall, I heard a voice from the direction of the den behind me call out, "Adelaide? I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, but… Can I still be of help?"

The voice was only vaguely familiar, but I didn't worry about that too much because there had only been one being that I had reached out to for help, so I let myself relax. I hastily dried my cheeks with my right sleeve before I turned around to face him. The look on his face wasn't what I had anticipated seeing so I opted to try out a more drastic measure with him. I tore off in the direction of my visitor and he thankfully threw his arms out to capture me in an enthusiastic hug.

Sam had reluctantly told me everything that he knew about Cherubs after he and Bobby had summoned a Cupid to help when my tampered sigil had made me so incredibly ill, so I knew about what to expect of Cupid's usual greeting. I was hoping that my whole-hearted hug would help to further ingratiate myself with the angel in case he was in any way reluctant to help me. Sam had also warned me that this class of angel opted for a more 'Au Naturel' approach to their attire than all of the angels with whom I had grown used to interacting, but in all honesty my sheer relief of seeing him in my home had completely blinded me to Cupid's nakedness.

"I really hope you can Cupid," I replied into his shoulder as I squeezed him a little bit tighter in my arms.

Cupid's arms wrapped around my back so that he could return my embrace and lift me off the ground. After he put me back on my feet he took a step back with a bright smile on his face saying, "I guess all that needs to happen is for you to ask for what you need from me Addy."

He looked so cheerful and eager to please me that it actually made my heart ache more than it had after I got off the phone with Sam. The pain quickly started to transform into incredible guilt and I started to second guess the soundness of what I had once thought was a fool proof plan. Even though Cupid could have easily read my mind to get the answer to his question, he just stared at me with a blank, earnest, open expression while he continued to patiently wait for me to formulate my response.

I found it hard to maintain direct eye contact with the angel (especially since he had corrected himself and had addressed me with my less formal nickname without my asking him to like I had needed to numerous times with every other celestial being in my life), so I diverted my gaze to my left arm. While I tried to recompose myself I started to unconsciously pick at the tape holding down the gauze that was covering the wound and found some comfort in the pain that I felt when I pulled the tape off my skin before refastening it. Almost as soon as I moved my eyes, Cupid's eyes followed mine to my newly injured arm. His eyes then darted from the two cuts on my forearm and palm to my face and then back between them at least a dozen times before he caught my wrist between both of his hands.

A sad smile spread across his face as he pet the length of my arm slowly and carefully. On the third pass of his hand's path from my elbow to the tip of the fingers on my left hand, a bright yellow light started to emanate from his palm. I tried to keep my eyes fixed on his, but the light was just too bright for me to try to handle without at least wearing sunglasses. Cupid graciously nodded and I took that as his way of letting me know that he wouldn't be offended if I closed my eyes while he healed my arm and hand.

He continued to hold my left hand and I kept my eyes closed long after my wounds had been healed because I had now lost any confidence that I had mustered up until this moment. This was a being that literally performed his job in the name of love, so how could I presume to ask this of him? And what would I do if he said no? That wasn't something that I had ever considered up until this very point in time.

"Addy? Healing your wounds could have easily been done by any of my brothers… And I know that you've made a lot of Celestial allies over the years… Why…? Umm… Why did you call on me to do this for you?" He asked almost sounding like Toby when he was confused by something I did or said.

I kept my eyes closed as I gently pulled my hand out of his grasp and shook my head whispering, "No… Cupid… That… that isn't why I needed you to come here…" Even to myself that sounded like I wasn't grateful for his healing of the cut whose blood had started to soak through the gauze at an alarming rate, so I opened my eyes to quickly add, "But thank you so, so…"

Before I could finish my statement, Cupid's hand thrust forward to grab at my left breast and I did absolutely nothing to try to stop him. The look in the angel's eyes was so sad that I could tell that there was nothing sexual about his touch and I had to resist the urge to pull him into another tight hug in an effort to try to comfort him and make that sadness disappear. His hand flattened out to press almost painfully into my flesh as sheer terror started to overtake any hint of sadness that had been in his eyes.

I placed a soft hand over his then kept my tone as calm and tender as I could when I said, "This… What you're feeling right now is why I called you. Cupid…? Can…? Can you help me with this? Please…? Pretty, pretty please?"

"Addy… I… I… I don't think that I understand what you need from me," he replied without loosening his grip on my chest at all. "This doesn't feel like what happened to you before with… And…" His lip started to quiver while his tone warbled with tears slightly as he continued, "I… I've never… I don't remember ever… This isn't…"

Seeing the tears that had welled up in the Cherub's eyes caused my own to resurface with a renewed vigor as I replied, "You've never helped someone with a broken heart before?"

"No," he replied through a violent sob. "No my… My… My job… It's to… To ensure that the…" He took in a deep breath then continued much more calmly, "To ensure the hearts are marked so that the souls will find their mates… So that people can live happily ever after together."

I sputtered out a laugh at hearing him talk about his duties so matter-of-factly because it suddenly reminded me of how ludicrous my life had truly become over the past couple of years. While I was growing up, I always knew that I was different from most people because I had been born into a family that had been fighting monsters that the public didn't know or believed existed for generations before my birth, but that turned out to be only the half of it. Being born into the life meant that I would meet the Winchesters and destiny had already decided that I would fall in love with Dean Winchester despite my desires for how I had wanted my life to go when I was a little girl. But now I knew that God had hand-picked us to play an integral role in stopping the complete destruction of our planet and I still struggled to believe that this was my life and not some horrific nightmare that I could someday wake up from to just be a hunter who was wanting to save the world, instead of a hunter destined to give birth to a child that could destroy it.

My laughter seemed only to further confuse the angel, so I removed his hand from my chest and then I held it tightly as I led him to the couch. His eyes never left my face while he finally started to try to search my face and thoughts for the answers that my expression wasn't giving away to him easily. I tried to keep my mind as blank as possible because I didn't want him to accidentally misread any of the images that he might see in my mind right now. Of course my conscious decision to not think of Dean Winchester inevitably led to my mind being preoccupied with nothing but him and everything that had happened over the past forty-eight hours.

Once we were both sitting on the couch, Cupid flinched back away from my hold almost as if someone had slapped him hard against his cheek. New tears welled up in his eyes again as he sluggishly lifted his hand up to his left cheek saying, "You… You two… You're fighting… I mean… You had a really bad fight with Dean, right?"

I slowly pulled his hand away from his face so that I could cup his cheek in the palm of my hand. As I gently stroked his cheek with my thumb in a leisurely back and forth motion I replied, "Yes I did. He and I… Well lately we can barely speak to each other without it turning into World War Three… That's kind of a part of…"

"But why? He interrupted innocently with a tone of pure dismay.

"I've been wondering that too," I said as I released his cheek from my loose hold. He still looked so wide-eyed and innocent that I almost didn't want to finish the rest of my explanation which would 'corrupt' him. _No Addy! You need to see this through to the end!_ I told myself as I stood up and started to pace in the room. "And… Uhh Cupid…? The more I've thought about it… Umm… The more I think I've might have figured it out."

I stopped myself to check on Cupid's reaction to my answer and actually stumbled back a step or two. I had anticipated seeing him sitting up straighter, hands folded in his lap with a thoughtful scowl on his face, much like all of the time Castiel had in the past, but that wasn't anywhere close to what I saw. Instead Cupid was completely relaxed in his seat with an arm slung over the arm rest to his left. If you put a beer in one of his hands and the remote in the other then the angel would have looked like he was just a regular red-blooded American male who was relaxing in front of the TV to watch the game of the week… Well it would have if Cupid had of been fully clothed that is.

That mental image nearly made me laugh out loud again, but I managed to hold it back as Cupid almost timidly asked, "That's great to hear, but… Uhh… Would you mind telling me about it all?"

I smiled down at him then nodded softly. "Of course. You see Cupid, Dean and I have had nothing but a rocky relationship over the past couple of years. We fight then we make up, fight then make up, fight and… Well it's gotten to the point now where the time we've spent on good terms is basically non-existent. It's beyond maddening, so I've tried to figure out why we've gotten to this point and on the drive home today I think that I finally have that all figured out… At least I think I do."

The angel silently watched me as I paced and only quirked his head to the side thoughtfully when I sat back down on the couch. Cupid's continued silence was a bit unnerving because I was used to being interrupted during a convoluted explanation. I used to always hate when someone would jump in during my part of the conversation, but I now realized that that had also helped me in the past to keep from rambling and to just get to the point I was trying to make.

"So what I was thinking was that Dean and I were marked to mate for a specific purpose…" Cupid nodded and a dreamy smile spread across his face making it hard to maintain proper eye contact. When I moved my eyes to look at my hands in my lap, I was once again reminded that he was completely naked. As an embarrassed blush spread across my face, I jumped to my feet to resume my pacing while I continued, "I know that He… Uhh God wanted us to be together so that Dean and Sam wouldn't be the end of the Winchester bloodline and… Well Toby definitely accomplished that…"

"Yes, but Addy…" He finally did jump in when it looked to him like I couldn't find my words to finish my explanation.

"I know Cupid, I know… They're also vessels, so I know that that means that this all couldn't end with just Toby… No matter how much I wish it could. Raphael _kindly_ enlightened me and explained everything about how there has to be a pair… And how Lucifer would be delighted that Toby didn't actually end up having a little sister."

Cupid stood up to hug me and instead of being creeped out by a naked man holding me tightly to himself, I relaxed into his comforting embrace. "Adelaide… Addy… He should never have said that to you. Victoria was a beautiful expression of the love that you and Dean share and that is ALWAYS a welcomed blessing."

"Thanks Cupid," I replied earnestly against his flesh. _That Dean and I SHARED… Past tense_ I thought to myself with a scoff. I pushed out of his embrace but tried my best to make sure that he wouldn't think that I was pushing him away. "I thought so too and it's really nice to hear you say that about her. Really… But that all does bring me to my next point."

I heard the flutter of wings and then suddenly I was standing alone and Cupid was once again sitting (comfortably sprawled out) on the couch. I gave him a grateful nod because he seemed to understand that even thought I really needed his comforting hug that he had given me that there was no way that I could finish this thought while being held in his arms.

"As you already know, Raphael made sure that Dean and I conceived another… Umm… He made sure that Toby now has a brother…" Cupid gave me a skeptical look so I felt compelled to clarify, "The guys didn't lie to you when I was sick, Balthazar truly was the only one who knew the truth about our baby back then, but Eve was more than happy to spill the beans…"

"OH! MY…! Addy! I'm so sorry. You all have had so much to deal with over these past few years."

"Yeah, we have… But… Don't apologize, you… You're not to blame for any of it and really… (I shrugged guiltily) It is kind of a relief to know that I had another boy. It's one less thing for me to wonder about, you know?" He gave me a tight smile because he knew that wasn't the whole truth but he let that white lie slide without comment. "So all of that helped me gain some perspective on my life and I was hoping that you could help me by answering a few questions and… Uhh… Some other stuff."

"If I have the answers, I am more than happy to give them to you Addy," he replied with a giddy clap. "What is it that you want to know?"

I let out the breath I hadn't even noticed I was holding and then I stopped to face him before asking, "What…? What happens when 'happily ever after' is over?" Cupid's bright smile faded into a confused pout at that question. "I mean we've fulfilled our destiny… We did what God wanted from us, so doesn't it make sense that this is logically the end of the line for us?"

Cupid opened his mouth to speak but seemed to be too overcome with sorrow to actually be able to speak, so I quickly added, "I mean isn't that what happens when one of the pair passes away? You know no more fairy tale ending?"

A couple of tears fell from his eyes when he shook his head from side to side. I slipped back onto the couch and took one of his hands in both of mine in a death grip as he answered, "No that's not really how it happens. The… The surviving half doesn't… I mean I've never felt them hurt like your heart is right now. They do mourn, yes, but they will know that their mourning period is over once their mark has faded away along with any lingering pain. The scenario you proposed about you and Dean, I… I've never heard of anything like that happening before, so I really don't know."

"But what about John and Mary? Umm… You know Sam and Dean's parents? They were mated for the same reasons as me and Dean… Can't…? Can't you use them as an example?"

Again he rapidly shook his head from left to right, but he seemed to be calmed by the tears that were now spilling down my cheeks. He didn't seem to be fazed by our rapid exchange of being the 'comforter' to being the 'comforted' so I tried my best not to focus on that at all. I mean he WAS an angel of the Lord, so shouldn't he be used to comforting a lowly, emotional human like me when we're in distress?

"I don't think that Mary Winchester would be an acceptable example right now because her death wasn't anything close to being natural… Not to mention that she was taken away from John while Sam was still a brand new life in this world. You and Dean are obviously very much alive while your second son is…"

"Then why…? How…? How could he have done this to me?" I blurted out tearfully over his explanation before I could try to stop myself. "I mean… No, forget about it… I… I know why he did it Cupid, so don't worry about that. Okay… So you can't answer that particular question… Alright, so maybe you can help me out with something else."

He squeezed my hand then said, "I would do anything within my powers to keep another tear from falling from your eyes because of heart ache Addy."

"I was hoping you would say that Cupid because I think that I know a way for you to do that." I pulled my sleeves over each hand to dry my cheeks and neck in an attempt to further compose myself. He still looked worried, as well as a little hopeful, so I tried to give him an encouraging smile as I said, "If you remove the marks… From both of our hearts… Then… Well then neither of us will ever have to feel this pain ever again… (I let out an indignant snort) Not that he seems to be feeling it at all, but…"

"Adelaide!" He barked out in surprise. "I mean Addy… Addy if… If your heart is emanating this much pain then he most definitely will be feeling something close to this as well."

"Oh… Okay… But… See? So you do a little mojo, wipe these things off our hearts for good and then we'll both be put out of our misery. Win, win. Please Cupid?" I pleaded as I squeezed his hand tightly between both of mine and held it against my chest. "Please Cupid? This… That's the real reason why I called out to you yesterday… To fix this mess… Please?"

"Addy I… I don't know… Well I'm not even sure that I can," he replied while running a soothing hand up and down the length of my arm.

I nearly threw the angel's hand into his lap as I jump back and out of his reach crying out, "But… Dean… He… He said that you could have… Oh my… Oh God… Fuck…"

Before Cupid could respond, I jumped to my feet to run to the bathroom just on the other side of the kitchen and fell to my knees just before I started vomiting. As I continued to heave over the toilet bowl Cupid appeared behind me to bundle my hair into a loose ponytail between his hands so that it wouldn't fall victim to the violent onslaught of regurgitation that was happening right now. After the full contents of my stomach (meager as they were) were expelled into the porcelain bowl I remained on my knees, laid my arm over the toilet seat and then rested my head against my forearm without even noticing the horrific stench that filled the small room. My heart was racing, so I tried to calm myself down by panting in a few dozen breaths. I nearly started crying hysterically again (much to my chagrin) but stopped myself when I felt Cupid kneel down behind me to start to rub soothing circles with his palm against my back.

"Addy… Addy… Addy…" The angel repeated with a soft, reprimanding tease.

"It's okay Cupid," I said as I stood up and rinsed my mouth out in the sink with some cold water from the tap. I kept my eyes trained on the water (and small bits of whatever) swirling down the drain as I continued to hoarsely say, "It's just… Well I guess I really shouldn't be all that surprised… You know given everything that's happened."

Cupid placed a gentle hand on my back then nearly whispered beside my right ear, "You misunderstood what I said to you." He stood up again to look me in the eye via my reflection in the mirror. "Dean really did just ask that I fix your mark once we all knew that that was what was making you so horrifically ill. He told me that he didn't want me to remove it at all because it was a part of you, a part of the person he loved so much, and that it wasn't his choice to make, so the sigil should stay."

"So?" I clarified as I tried to my best to keep the near uncomfortable eye contact through the mirror with him. "He didn't even ask if you could erase them for the two of us?"

"No Dean didn't… But Addy…? Please don't doubt that he really did… I mean that he really does want to be paired up with you," Cupid answered while trying to reassure me.

I turned to face him and said with as much humor as I could muster, "This isn't Noah's Arc Cupid, and we don't have to go marching in two by two right now…" He didn't seem to understand my humor so I tried a different tactic by asking, "Did you know back then that you couldn't remove our marks? Because when I woke up Dean said that any of you guys… Uhh… Any angels of the 'Cherub' class could easily remove them without harming anyone involved. What has changed your mind now?"

"What I told Dean back then is still the complete, honest truth… In general, but…" He once again placed his hand on my chest over my heart with an indiscernible look clouding the expression on his face. My mind was racing as fast as my heart was beating in this moment of time which caused the angel's face to contort into a sympathetic frown solely for my benefit. "But when I healed you back then, I noticed that the marks on your heart felt different from any brand me or my brothers had put on anyone else, so I assumed Dean's would be different too. As surprising as that was I can't really say that it's all that unusual since it appears that God Himself was the one that placed the marks on your heart." I stared at him blankly so he playfully added, "It's the only way that I've come up with for His plan to stay secret from the rest of us… Some of my brothers and sisters are terrible at keeping a secret like that… Just look at Raphael…"

I chuckled at his well place joke before I bit my trembling lip hard and then I tried to keep my voice as even as possible as I asked, "So you…? You can't…? I mean you won't even try to fix this?"

A familiar yellow light seeped out between the Cherub's palm and my chest while he calmly answered, "Addy I didn't say that I wouldn't at least make some attempts to do what you have asked of me… I just wanted you to go into this with the awareness that it might not work despite any of my efforts… Or rather despite my desire to give you a level playing field to create your own type of happiness without _our_ interruptions or interventions."

I squeezed my eyes closed, grabbed his free hand to laced our fingers together to press my right palm to his left open faced hand and whispered, "Thank you Cupid! Thank you so much for trying. No matter what happens from here on out, thank you for at least giving it a try."


	33. Oh What the Hell

_**My jaw remained clenched shut and in a tight line as I stared at the wall across from me in an effort not to catch anyone's eyes as they passed by me. I tried to shift in my seat and momentarily forgot that my left wrist was hand cuffed to the arm of the wooden bench causing the metal to rattle against the wood loudly. The Deputy assigned to front desk duties for the shift, who was also tasked with keeping an eye on me while I was shackled to this bench, snorted out a laugh, but didn't comment out loud about my clumsiness.** _

" _ **Offer still stands Miss Jones, you answer the question and that'll come off," a voice called out from deeper inside the office.**_

_**I just continued to stare at the same spot on the wall and ignored his comment. There was no clock on the wall that I could see, so I wasn't certain how much time had actually passed, but the same Deputy made the same offer in what I estimated to be every five minutes. The sun was lower in the sky so I was sure that a change of shift was coming up and I took some measure of satisfaction in my ability to hold out and not utter a single word for this long. But I was still annoyed with myself for getting caught in the first place that I wouldn't allow myself to revel in my feat for very long.** _

_**While I kept my eyes trained on the wall, my field of vision was suddenly filled with a chest covered in light brown polyester. The Deputy crossed his arms over his chest in what I could only assume was an attempt to intimidate me, but I just refocused my stare on the hairs of his arms to avoid making eye contact. My lips nearly quirked into a petulant smirk when I heard him tapping his right foot impatiently, but I forced myself not to react. If he thought that the foot tapping would push me over the edge and crack, the Deputy had another thing coming. I had out-stubborned hunters like John Winchester an Bobby Singer, so maintaining my silence with a small town Sheriff's Deputy really wasn't that much of a challenge for me.** _

_**The annoyed tapping only stopped when he squatted down in front of me to finally force me to make eye contact with him. I again had to force myself not to react when he lost his balance slightly and had to grip the edge of the bench on either side of my legs to steady himself in his current stance.** _

_**He quirked an eyebrow then smirked saying, "Still not talking, huh? You know it really isn't that hard of a question to answer. Just tell me why and I'll happily unlock that pretty bracelet on your wrist."** _

**Yeah and then I'll also get free room and board for the night too in a cell, right Deputy?** _**I thought to myself while I begrudgingly maintained eye contact with him.** _

_**I couldn't help but flinch somewhat when he ran his finger over a line of stitches on my jaw while observing out loud, "That's a pretty nasty cut. You must be some kind of a hard-nosed bitch, eh?"** _

" _ **Kind of have to be to survive the job, don't you think Deputy?" A deep, amused voice questioned behind the squatting officer.**_

_**The Deputy was so startled by the newcomer's voice that he stumbled and fell flat on his behind in front of me. I couldn't help myself and I finally did sputter out a quiet chuckle and grinned softly. The Deputy ignored my laughter and just looked up at the Sheriff and a male dress in jeans, a t-shirt and a bomber style jacket apologetically. The Sheriff shook his head with a half-grin spreading across his face as he offered the officer his hand to help him back to his feet.** _

_**I chuckled again when I noticed a dark pink blush spreading from his cheeks to his neck. I quickly fell silent when I heard the familiar sound of a throat being cleared as a warning. The three of them were now standing in front of me so I fixed my gaze on my lap trying not to look as uneasy as I felt right now.** _

" _ **Deputy Nolan this is Special Agent Morrison," the Sheriff said as if the Deputy's comedic tumble had never occurred. "He believes that he can help to clear up the 'situation'." I didn't have to look up to know that he had motioned to me with his chin at the end of the statement.**_

_**The Deputy opened his mouth to comment, but he was cut off by John Winchester saying, "But first things first, how 'bout we get those cuffs off the young lady?"** _

_**My head shot up to catch the Deputy's mouth hanging open in shock before he muttered out a confused, "Sir?"  
** _

_**The Sheriff nodded as he replied, "It's fine Deputy. Like I said, he's going to help us clear everything up."** _

" _ **But sir…" The younger male tried to protest once again.**_

" _ **If it's too much trouble for you, I would be more than happy to unlock them," John offered sounding annoyed.**_

_**The Deputy shook his head repentantly replying, "No sir, it's no trouble at all. I… I'll do it sir."** _

_**I felt a little bit bad for the officer because I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of John's disapproving glare. His hands were actually trembling while he unlocked the cuff on my wrist, so I just slid down the bench without uttering a word so that he could access the other cuff with more ease. He kept his head down to unlatch the other cuff from the bench's arm. When he was done, he kept his head tilted down and his eyes on his hands that were fidgeting with the handcuffs and his keys in an effort to keep from further antagonizing the 'FBI Agent' in front of him.** _

" _ **Miss Jones? Deputy Nolan? Why don't you follow me and Special Agent Morrison to my office?" The Sheriff asked offering me a hand to help me up.**_

_**I didn't really need the help but I still took his hand to help me in order to be polite. The Deputy rushed towards a door marked 'SHERIFF' and his supervisor followed closely in his wake which left John and I alone in the empty hallway. He stepped close to my side and placed a firm hand on the small of my back to make sure that I couldn't shrink away from him.** _

_**To an outside observer it would have looked like John was having a private conversation with me when he leaned down and nearly growled, "You gave them your real name? What were you thinking Addy?"** _

_**I bit my lip then twisted out of his hold and rushed into the Sheriff's office. He was seated comfortably behind his desk while the Deputy was pacing by a window on the right hand side of the room. Deputy Nolan paused mid-sentence when I entered the room and threw me an angry glare before walking over to one side of the Sheriff's desk. His scowl deepened when he reached his destination where he then stood with his arms crossed over his chest.** _

" _ **Miss Jones, please take a seat," the Sheriff offered politely as he waved his hand at the two chairs in front of his desk.**_

_**I locked eyes with the Deputy and defiantly took the seat closest to him. John plunked himself down into the chair beside me and he somehow made that movement sound annoyed. The Sheriff watched us all settle in his office with an amused grin on his face that he tried to hide behind his tented fingers that were supported by his elbows resting on his chair's arm rests.** _

" _ **Alright Special Agent Morrison, you were telling me a little bit about what was happening with Miss Jones here, so I'll give you the floor first," the Sheriff said as he relaxed back in his chair.**_

" _ **Thank you Sheriff Hale. So what I was telling you earlier is that Miss Jones is an Agent in training and she's been on probation for a risky incident that happened a couple of weeks ago," John explained as he gripped my chin to turn my face so that my stitches were visible to the man behind the desk. "I wish I could say that the other guy looked worse for wear by her hand, but she was bleeding so badly that another Agent had to step in to make the actual arrest." When he let go of my face I scoffed softly to which John's lips quirked into a satisfied smirk while he stole a look at me out the corner of his eye.**_

" _ **Okay so she thinks that she's Gracie Hart… What does that have to do with her traipsing around my crime scene without authorization?" Deputy Nolan asked without trying to hide his impatience in any way.**_

_**I almost felt bad for the young officer because his minor outburst earned him John's full, unimpressed attention. I worried my bottom lip with my teeth to keep from smiling too wide while I fixed my eyes on the pens laying haphazardly on the desktop in front of me to try to keep myself from laughing out loud. John's anger at being interrupted must have been burning brightly in his eyes because I could hear the Deputy squirming in his spot while I kept my attention focused on a chip in the wood on the corner of the desk.** _

" _ **And it appears that she isn't the only one prone to jump the gun," John answered with an audible bite. He then focused his attention on the Sheriff before continuing in a more civil tone, "She's been told that she has to impress me if she ever hopes to finish her probation, so I tried to throw her a bone. Earlier today I called to ask her to meet me at that crime scene as soon as humanly possible and… Well we all know what happened from there."**_

" _ **Well I can definitely sympathize with you about how frustrating it can be to try to tame an overzealous rookie, but…" The Sheriff sat up straight in his seat and lost off of the good-natured humor that had previously been in his eyes. "That doesn't explain why Miss Jones wasn't able to present proper credentials to Deputy Nolan. The only form of identification that my Deputy found on her person was an Iowa driver's license. Why didn't she have anything remotely close to a piece of Federal Identification with her today?"**_

_**John let a couple of seconds of silence tick by to make sure that he wouldn't be interrupting in case the Sheriff had any other questions that he wanted to ask. "Well," John started nonchalantly as he reached into his coat pocket to pull out a badge holder. "I've been holding onto her Federal Bureau ID in what appears to be a failed attempt to restrict her movements. I was hoping that by holding onto this that she would wait for me before entering anymore crime scenes so that I could shadow her." He gave me a sideways glance as he added, "I see that I was wrong about that and might need to come up with another solution."** _

_**I held my breath when he flipped the holder open to show the Sheriff the ID with my face on it because I know that it would have one of my aliases on it and not my birth name like my Iowa driver's license showed. How John got his hands on it was beyond me because I had forgotten to take it into the crime scene with me, but then I reminded myself that he was John Winchester. He thrived on showing up any other hunter and rarely shared the secrets to his success with anyone. Hell since this WAS John Winchester that was holding the ID that had been safely locked away in the glove box of my GTO, I wouldn't put it past him to have copied a key to my car without my knowledge, so I inwardly pouted and slumped down further in my seat. If someone had of said that I looked like a teenager in a disciplinary meeting with her high school principal and father, I would have been hard pressed to argue that that analogy wasn't true or valid in this moment.** _

_**The Sheriff let out a quick bark of a laugh as he said, "That… Wow. I've never thought of taking such a parental approach with my delinquent recruits." He seemed to catch himself as he cleared his throat loudly to compose himself. When he had once again found his sober center he said, "Alright that does make sense, but that doesn't explain why Miss Jones was carrying a non-regulation firearm without a proper holster when she was snooping around the murder scene."** _

_**John pointedly replaced my ID in his jacket pocket as he replied, "Well to be honest Sheriff I have no valid excuse for that kind of sloppy behavior, so I'll have to give Adelaide the floor to justify those oversights to you."** _

_**I sat up straight as my head whipped around so that I could gape at John because he had used my full first name. Much like my Mum, John had only called me 'Adelaide' when he was going to punish me or was beyond annoyed with my behavior in some way. He didn't move or even try to make any sort of eye contact with me, but I did see the corner of his lips pull back into a smug smile. The moment I saw that muscle twitch, I knew that he had left this explanation up to me because John thought that I couldn't come up with a convincing lie to answer the Sheriff's question.** _

_**With my shoulders set back, I turned to face the Sheriff as I tried to sound as confident as possible when I said, "Well Sheriff Hale… In all honesty, it was a careless mistake of mine. I was so preoccupied with getting to the scene to impress my** _ **SENIOR** _**training officer that I left my Government issue pistol in the lock box of my trunk and grabbed my personal firearm… It's kind of like a safety blanket for me, you know? And as for me not wearing a proper holster…" I forced myself to blush as I coyly cast my eyes to the floor before adding, "Well I didn't expect Agent Morrison to call on me so soon to be his back up… Since I've been such a colossal screw up in the field and all… So it's sitting in my hotel room right now sir. I'm sorry that I forgot to grab it."** _

_**Deputy Nolan snorted out an indignant laugh then said under his breath, "Now she speaks."** _

_**The Sheriff threw the Deputy a disapproving look but when he turned to face John and me his look was nothing but professional and authoritative. "Although my Deputy may have spoken out of turn, he does make a good point. As soon as Deputy Nolan detained Miss Jones, she's been quieter than a monk at mass. Why didn't she…?" His eyes focused solely on my face as he asked, "I mean, why didn't you just explain all of this to the Deputy before now?"** _

" _ **Oh… I… Uhh…" I stumbled over my words to come up with a convincing reason.**_

_**I hated to admit this but thankfully John jumped in with an easy Southern drawl saying, "Well she had the right to remain silent, correct?" He looked between the two locals before focusing his attention on the Deputy asking in a contemplative tone, "If you were under the microscope and about to lose your job and were told that you were allowed to keep that to yourself, would you be blabbing the truth to everyone?" The Sheriff grinned but the Deputy maintained his resentful air, so John added, "Plus that seems to be the only area where Addy has excelled in up to this point. We might be shipping her overseas soon to test how well she deals under pressure over there because…" John actually reached over to give my arm a reassuring squeeze. "So far she's been the best recruit from her class when it comes to not succumbing under the stress of harsh interrogation."** _

_**I kept my eyes fixed on my lap and earnestly blushed as I hoarsely said, "Thanks… Sir."** _

_**John quickly gave my arm one last encouraging squeeze before he added, "Plus she was just doing what she was taught… You know 'shut the fuck up and wait for your training officer'? I can't fault her for that Sheriff Hale, but then again… If either of you want to question her further, I won't prevent you from doing that."** _

_**Although Deputy Nolan made a sound that gave me the impression that he did want to interrogate me for as long as he could, Sheriff Hale quickly answered, "No that's alright Special Agent Morrison. The answers you provided have more than satisfied my curiosity, but…" He fixed his gaze on me as he finished, "I'm not a fan of rule breakers in any form, so I think it would be best for our department to take over the investigation from here on out. If we require Federal assistance then hopefully we can have another team come in to help us."** _

_**John nodded as he stood up and yanked me up to my feet saying, "That sounds fair to me Sheriff. You have my card if I… If we can answer any other questions that may come up. And I've already contacted the local office to request that replacements be sent… They should arrive in the morning."** _

_**The Sheriff stood to reach over his desk to shake John's hand replying, "That sounds reasonable." He then turned his attention to me and shook my hand. "And Miss Jones, I sincerely hope that you have learned your lesson from this incident and will come out a better Agent because of it."** _

_**He squeezed my hand as I quietly answered, "Yes sir, I promise I will… I mean I have and it will."** _

_**Deputy Nolan opened his mouth but before he could speak Sheriff Hale said, "Deputy I believe you have a report to write up… Why don't you go and get started on that while I show our guests out?"** _

_**I kept my eyes cast down to look at the Sheriff's desk so I missed the anger that flashed over the Deputy's face as he replied through clenched teeth, "Yes sir, I'll get right on that."** _

_**After the Deputy had stormed out of the room, John gripped my forearm tightly to lead me out saying, "It's alright Sheriff we can see ourselves out so that you can continue on with your day."** _

" _ **Alright," the Sheriff replied as he sat down behind his desk again. John and I were nearly out the door when the Sheriff called out, "And best of luck to you Agent Morrison."**_

_**John chuckled at the humorous tone that the Sheriff had used but once we were outside of the station, he completely lost any of his own humor. His grip tightened around my arm when I tried to twist out of his hold. We weren't far enough away from the prying eyes of the local Sheriff's Department for me to try to struggle out of his hold in earnest, so I was forced to fall into step with him to keep from creating a scene.** _

" _ **You're hurting my arm," I finally said just over a whisper.**_

_**I didn't really think that that would work, but miraculously John did loosen his grip. He of course didn't completely let go of me, so I let him think that I was alright with him continuing to lead me down the path. After a couple more steps I quickly jerked my arm back and out of his hold. John froze in his spot to watch me as I tried to put as much space between us as quickly as my feet would take me.** _

" _ **So are you planning on walking back to your car?" John called out from his spot once I was about ten feet ahead of him.**_

_**I quickly turned on my heel to face him and I could have sworn that he was still talking, but it was too low for me to hear from this distance. Even though I couldn't hear him, I could see the satisfied smile on his face. He remained cemented in his spot with his arms crossed over his chest and I was more than tempted to do the same. As I raised my arms to mirror his stance, I realized how tired I suddenly felt. I wasn't really in the mood to have yet another silent standoff with someone, so I let out a loud sigh before calmly walking back to where John was still standing.** _

" _ **I figured that they would have towed it, so I was just going to call a cab," I replied once I was close enough to him that he could hear me without having to yell.**_

_**He shook his head saying, "They didn't know that it was your car so it's still where you parked it. How do you think I got your badge so easily?"** _

" _ **Oh… That reminds me…" I moved as fast as I could to reach into John's pocket to grab my badge and nearly got out of his reach when he grabbed my arm again.**_

_**He expected me to struggle against him, so I completely relaxed in his grasp. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes, but did heave a heavy sigh as I said, "Seriously John?" I looked down at where his fingers were once again digging into my flesh. "I really don't need any help acquiring more bruises on my body thanks."** _

" _ **Yeah well my truck's this way, so come on," he replied dryly as he tugged my arm to lead me to a walkway to his left.**_

_**I sighed and hung my head as I followed him. His grip loosened slightly until he thought he felt that I was going to try to escape his hold. This time when he squeezed my arm I winced from the pain and quickened my steps in an effort to do anything I could to try to appease him. At his truck he opened my door and then even locked it once I was inside and he had the door closed again.** _

" _ **Fucking unbelievable," I muttered under my breath hoping John wouldn't hear me.**_

_**He slammed his door so hard that the truck shook before he snarled, "That's right it IS unbelievable how ungrateful you are."** _

" _ **What?" I questioned as I turned to face him.**_

_**He just turned his eyes to look at me quickly before focusing on the road again as he responded, "What? I help get your ass out of the hot seat and what do I get in return? A thank you? The tiniest hint of gratitude? No… All I get is attitude."** _

" _ **Well I didn't want, need or ask for your help, so…"**_

_**John laughed loudly then spoke over me, "Yeah you chained to a bench while they were trying to decide which charges to lay… Yeah you looked like you had everything completely under control there little girl."** _

" _ **Well shows how much you know because I had a plan… I was… I just had to wait for shift change so that I could put it into action."**_

" _ **Really? Huh… Let me guess… You were going to slip the cuffs when no one was looking?" The tone he was using was so cruel and condescending that I actually slumped down in my seat and felt tears well up in my eyes. "Yeah that could have worked if they didn't have your real name and date of birth to put a warrant out for your arrest. Jesus Addy! What the hell were you thinking?"**_

" _ **They were supposed to be finished with the house," I replied through a whisper.**_

" _ **I'm sorry was I supposed to be able to hear that?"**_

_**I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes as I said, "The police were supposed to have been finished at the house. I wasn't sure if this really was a job or not, so I wanted to check out the crime scene to find out for sure. No one should have been there."** _

" _ **And what did you find out…? Or did the Deputy arrest you before you could find out anything of value?"**_

_**I started rubbing my temples because I could feel a raging, 'John Winchester' sized headache coming on.** _ **Four years…** _**I thought to myself.** _ **You've been able to dodge him for four fucking years. Well, at least it's good to know that some things don't change… As annoying as they are.**

" _ **The whole house was clean. Best I could tell is that it was just a horrible tragedy of the 'human's suck' variety… And I was actually on my way out when Nolan caught me," I finally answered while forcing my tone to remain civil.**_

" _ **That's what I found out too," John agreed as he pulled in behind my car.**_

_**He parked his truck and cut the engine without commenting further about my being detained by the local authorities. We both remained frozen in our seats just staring at the back of my car through the windshield. I wanted nothing more than to be in the sanctuary of my GTO right now, but I was afraid to move without John's permission. I instantly mentally kicked myself for even acknowledging that that was how I felt, but I still did nothing to change my position.** _

_**We sat in silence for a couple of minutes and I jumped when John finally said, "You've put on some muscle in the last four years."** _

" _ **Yeah," I replied somewhat dumbly.**_

" _ **And you've been taking good care of your car too I see."**_

_**I turned my head to look at John because I couldn't believe that he was actually trying to make small talk with me. Normally the only topic that John and I discussed was hunting (or the odd update I gave him about Toby), so his bringing up such mundane topics really did throw me off for a minute or two.** _

_**By turning my head I made my stitches visible to John and he immediately cupped my chin gently in his hand. He ran his thumb over my wound and kept his voice surprisingly soft as he said, "Dare I ask what caused this?"** _

" _ **A machete," I answered quietly. "The vampire I was hunting turned out to know a thing or two about hand to hand combat. He was more of a handful than we thought he would be."**_

_**He hummed out a thoughtful noise as he slowed the movement of his thumb across my jawbone as he asked, "So you got twelve stitches and he go…?"** _

" _ **Decapitated," I answered as quickly as I could. John didn't seem like he had any plans to move his hand, so I gently pried it from my chin. "And it's actually fifteen stitches. I lucked out and there was a plastic surgeon working at the hospital that night. He said that by using more, smaller stitches that it would cut down on the amount of scarring, especially on my pre-… Uhh… My face."**_

" _ **So he didn't want to scar your pretty face any more than he had to, huh?" John clarified with a playful edge to his voice.**_

" _ **No sir, he didn't," I whispered with my head bowed.**_

_**I sat hunched over with my hands folded in my lap when I heard John sigh softly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand move to reach out to me, but he let it drop to the seat before he could actually touch me. I scowled at my lap trying to figure out what could have caused this shift in John's demeanor. He was disappointed in my behavior, that much had been more than apparent earlier tonight and yet he wasn't screaming at me right now which seemed really out of character to me, so I had no idea what was really going on with him.** _

" _ **Thanks," I finally whispered towards my lap. I shook my head and silently scolded myself for my cowardice. I forced myself to sit up straight so that I could more clearly state, "Thank you for saving my ass back there. I'd probably be sitting in a holding cell right now if it wasn't for you. I really do appreciate your help John."**_

_**He smiled then petted my eyebrow that had sported a nasty cut on it the last time he saw me. "I meant it when I told you that I'd be watching out for you Addy and I will… Even if you keep avoiding me like you have these last few years."** _

" _ **John…" I nearly pleaded tearfully. "I… I haven't… Not really…"**_

" _ **Hey, it's okay Addy. I told you we'd talk when you were ready and I get it… You aren't ready yet," he replied still petting my eyebrow. "But it's good to see that you're looking well. And that you're in even better shape than the last time we spoke face to face."**_

" _ **Thanks. You're looking… Oh… Geez that sounds awkward," I said with a nervous laugh. "It's good to see you alive and well too."**_

_**John actually cracked a warm smile as he sat back in his seat. "Make sure you don't lose my number, okay? If you need me, you can call, understood?"** _

_**I paused before opening the door and looked over at John with tears in my eyes. "Oh…? Okay… I'll… I'll do that. And sa-… Umm… Okay."** _

_**I quickly slipped out of the truck as John turned the engine over. I lingered on my feet with the door wide open until John turned to give me a questioning look.** _

" _ **So John…? I… Uhh… Back at my room I have a bottle of Glenlivet that I've been wanting to crack open," I said in a shy, unsure tone. "I mean if you aren't rushing out to another job or following up on a lead or…"**_

_**As I trailed off he smiled softly then said, "I'll follow you to your room."** _

_**I watched John park his truck before I got out of my own car to wait for him. I had some issues with finding my room key in my pocket because my hands were shaking so violently. To say that I was nervous was an understatement because I had no idea where to start this story or rather how to properly word the apology I owed him. Or if I was even ready to finally tell someone about what had happened between Sydney and me since I hadn't talked with anyone about it yet. I had pretty much moved in with the Connors, but there was this weird understanding between the three of us that the incident and Sydney's name would remain unspoken when we were together.** _

**Addy! Stop that!** _**I berated myself while I continued to struggle with the key in the lock because my hands were shaking so hard.** _ **God you're acting like a freaked out virgin on Prom Night.** _**I stole a glance at John's approaching figure then groaned out loud.** _ **Great! As if this wasn't awkward enough, now you get THAT image in your head! John and… *shudder* Sex? Addy…**

_**By the time John made it to my side I was actually laughing quietly to myself. Thankfully my embarrassment about thinking of John and sex at the same time had not only helped to quell my self-doubt, but it also set me completely at ease. I also now knew that I truly did want to tell John the truth. Not only had he saved my ass tonight, I sincerely did believe that he meant it when he said that he was watching out for me. He'd lived up to his promises thus far, so it only seemed right that I try to return the favor by being brutally honest with him.** _

_**We both remained oddly silent as we entered the room and I couldn't help but wonder if he had had the same inappropriate thought that had me giggle. John moved towards the small table and I nearly laughed at myself again because his face wasn't giving away his thoughts. Of course he wouldn't be transparent with me on this subject. He'd always played his cards close to his chest during conversations that were much more mundane than discussing the reason why I had pretty much cut him out of my life for the past four years and I didn't expect today to be any different.** _

_**I placed a half full glass of scotch in front of him and was stopped from walking away from him when he quickly encircled my wrist with his fingers. "You might as well just leave the bottle on the table Addy."** _

_**With a soft chuckle in my voice I looked him in the eye and replied, "I was planning on doing that, but I was going to grab us a couple of beers too." His eyes went wide with surprise, so I somewhat sadly explained, "Yeah… It's… It's that bad…"** _

_**John continued to sip at his drink while I placed the four beer bottles I had retrieved from the fridge on the table and settled in my seat. I slowly poured my own glass of scotch, but when I raised it to my lips I hesitated before actually taking a drink. My throat felt like it was closing up and my mouth went completely dry, so I forced myself to swallow a mouthful of liquid just to make sure that I could speak. John continued to watch me with a worried eye, but didn't say anything until I had raised my glass to my lips again.** _

" _ **So that vampire kiss that was wiped out in Cincinnati? I assume you had a hand in that?" He asked with the barest hint of pride as he rubbed a hand over his jaw in the same spot I now had stitches.**_

_**I choked slightly on my scotch, so John popped the cap off a beer and handed it to me. I took a deep swallow of the beer to soothe my throat and then nodded as I quietly answered, "Yeah I did… Along with Gordon Walker… Well despite Gordon's protests I helped… And yeah that's how I got the cut on my face…"** _

_**John knocked his glass against my beer bottle praising, "I hear you handled yourself really well. Although I didn't hear about your jaw."** _

" _ **I… I always try… Uhh… Thanks." I looked up at John with a confused frown as I idly scratched my stitches and asked, "People…? Umm… Other hunters talk about me?"**_

_**With a sly smile on his lips John answered, "Some do… Especially when the other asks about you."** _

_**It took me a few minutes to understand the meaning of John's statement. When it came clear I blushed and moved my eyes to watch my fingers picking at the beer bottle's label. "Oh… You mean… Oh…" I put down my beer in exchange for my glass of scotch and I finished that liquid in a couple of mouthfuls. "So…? My story… What…? Where'd I go wrong to make it so unbelievable?"** _

_**John nearly choked on his drink, but when he spoke you never would have known that he had faltered in any way. "There wasn't really anything wrong with the details in the story per se. And you stay consistent enough with them for someone to believe that it had happened to you, but…" He paused to pour both of us more scotch and took a couple of large gulps. I sat and watched him wanting so badly to urge him to finish his thought faster, but I held my tongue. John always did everything in his own time and any attempts to try to force him to do otherwise just caused him to delay even further. A soft smile started to spread across his face before he continued, "But the damage to your body didn't match."** _

" _ **Match? But if someone was boot stomped in a bar's parking lot, wouldn't they have bruises all over their body like I did?" I asked in a meek, guilty voice.**_

" _ **Yeah**_ **they** _ **would, but no**_ **you** _ **wouldn't," John clarified as he poured us each another glassful. I still didn't understand what he was trying to tell me and I couldn't yet blame it on the effects of the alcohol. John could tell that I wasn't catching onto his meaning, so he took the glass out of my hand saying, "Here let me show you what I mean. Go stand by the bed." I scowled at him in further confusion, so he stood up and tugged on my hand. "This will clear thing up. Now come on…"**_

_**I walked towards the bed and while my back was to him, John shoved me hard. After stumbling forward a couple of steps, I caught myself against the bed's mattress to keep myself from falling to the floor. I straightened myself up and turned to yell at John, but was silenced by the sight of a fist coming at my face. I managed to block the punch then dropped down and swiped John's feet out from under him. Once he was down on the floor I pounced on him. After a short struggle I had him pinned on the ground by sitting on his stomach with his hands cuffed at his sides.** _

_**I was still hyperventilating from the exertion it took to get John secured against the ground when I asked, "What…? The FUCK…? Was…? That…?"** _

_**John laughed loudly then replied, "Just trying to make my point." He tried to sit up, so I scooted back between his legs so that he could do so. "You're first instinct is to fight back… Hard… And to win."** _

_**I gaped at John once the meaning of his words came clear as I crawled backwards until my back hit the bed. All those years ago, that time when John had first seen my cuts and bruises, he had told me point blank that he knew I was lying. He had said it was because he could never see me letting a stranger hurt me so badly and now I knew why. He wasn't always forthcoming with compliments, but I couldn't help but take his explanation as his way of telling me that I was a good fighter which just made me feel even guiltier about not being completely truthful with him over the years.** _

_**I pulled my knees up to my chest and bit my trembling lip hard. I really didn't want to cry because Sydney didn't deserve my tears and I didn't want John to misinterpret my guilty tears for being tears of sorrow. He watched me with a considering gaze while I pulled myself into a tighter ball on the floor, but didn't move to speak.** _

" _ **John…?" I finally squeaked out. "You're… You were right. It… It was someone I know… I'm… I'm so sorry that I lied to you about it."**_

" _ **That's okay Kiddo," he replied as he helped me to my feet. "But why don't I pour us another round while you tell me all about the ex-boyfriend of yours?"**_

" _ **Ex…?" I questioned while he sat me down in my chair.**_

_**He paused mid-pour then said, "Please don't tell me that you would stay with an asshole that would beat a woman that badly because I know you aren't…"** _

" _ **Oh…! Oh God John, no… No there's no guy," I explained before I finished the liquid he had poured in two quick swallows. "Well no steady guy since… Umm…"**_

_**I started chugging my beer to cover up my embarrassment. John shook his head then said, "It's okay, I know who you mean Addy… So… How 'bout you get to telling me about the real culprit?"** _

_**After I finished my beer, I let out a quiet burp and almost apologized for putting a mildly disappointed look on his face. "Right… So anyway…" I started to run my fingers under my eye that Sydney had focused his rage on and I swore I could still feel the bruises that had plagued my life for months. "When I told him what had happened and how she saved my life, he just completely lost it. Things between us went from rocky to… Well I couldn't stay there anymore during my down time, so I decided to move in with the Connors." John listened intently with his eyebrows knitting together in an angry scowl with each word I spoke. I couldn't let myself chicken out so I picked up a full bottle of beer and opened it while I started pacing erratically around the room. "I think the big mistake I made was trying to talk with him instead of just packing up and leaving. He'd been drinking all day so by the time he saw me he was more than ready for a fight. Fuck… I'm such an idiot. I should have just left after he threw his empty bottle at me, but no… What did I do instead? I just egged him on… I… I pretty much fucking taunted him…"** _

_**I paused in my spot to take a long drink when I felt a firm hand grip my shoulder. John took my bottle out of my hand, placed it on the table behind him and then he clamped a hand down on each of my shoulders so that he could look me straight in the eye sternly stating, "Don't you dare blame yourself like that. He's your… There is no excuse that any man, let alone a father, can give for doing what he did to you."** _

" _ **I know there isn't John, but…"**_

_**I winced when he dug his fingers into my shoulders. He didn't let up any pressure so I tried to just continue through the pain. "John I know it wasn't right, but he… He was so drunk that… Ow… At… Fuck… John, you're hurting me…" He finally eased off with a quick 'Sorry' before stepping away. I resisted the urge to rub my throbbing flesh, but I did swallow back the beer that he offered me. "Okay what I was saying," I explained to a now seated John who was nursing his drink once again. "At one point it was like the alcohol had blinded him to the fact that it was me on the floor. Now I'm not making excuses, but I swear he was yelling at the werewolf for killing Mum when he… he kicked me the hardest _ **…**_ I don't know, but there… That's the truth. Once I had an opening I took out his knee cap then took off to the Connors."** _

_**John shook his head then said practically to himself, "I still can't… He's worked jobs with me… And Dean… He didn't even flinch when I mentioned how bad you looked…"** _

" _ **And that's why I didn't tell you," I explained as I took my seat again and held his hand tightly across the table top. "He really is a good hunter and he can still help a lot of people. What happened, it's… Ultimately it's just between the two of us. Bill and Mo have put him on the 'persona no grata' list, but I… You… I just want him to still be able to help people when he can."**_

" _ **I don't know how you can be so calm about this Addy. Don't you want to just skin him alive or something?" John replied sounding so bewildered that it almost physically hurt.**_

_**I divvied up the last of the scotch between his glass and mine as I said, "Well I wasn't for a while, but then I spent some time with Sister Mary Catherine again. She's always been able to help me put things into perspective… When she was… Anyway I promised her that I would try to find some sort of middle ground with him or at least to make sure that I didn't go to my grave hating him, so I'm trying to fulfill that promise."** _

_**John snorted out a laugh then muttered, "Still sounds ridiculous to me."** _

_**I stood up quickly and rushed into the kitchenette area causing John to turn around in his chair calling out a worried, "Addy?"** _

" _ **It still feels that way to me too sometimes John," I replied as I turned to present him another bottle of Glenlivet that I had pulled out of the cupboard. "So why don't we talk about something a little less 'unbelievable'? Like… Umm… I hear that you might have a lead on Samuel Colt's 'special' gun…"**_

_**John tore the seal off the new bottle of scotch then nearly glared at me replying, "One problem at a time Adelaide and I don't think that we've finished with yours quite yet."** _

_**I tried not to, but I couldn't help but giggle at that response. We ended up downing that bottle of liquor like it was water and we were travelers stuck in the Sahara, so it hit us hard. Since I had been traveling by myself for a few years, John and I ended up on the only bed in my room in a passed out, overly intoxicated mess.** _

_**I woke up a few hours later, feeling too hot for my clothing, to find John Winchester standing beside my bed, but I didn't pay him much mind. I continued to struggle out of my jeans and top and once I was in my bra and panties I tried once again to relax on the bed. The alcohol I had ingested made my coordination beyond embarrassing, so John finally stepped forward to settle me against the mattress before he tucked the covers in around me.** _

_**Despite John's parental approach to my being nearly naked, I reached around to the back of his neck to try to pull him close, sleepily pleading, "Stay John… Please?"** _

_**He didn't even laugh before standing up and soberly saying, "Be angry with me if you have to, but this is for the best… I'm going to do this to show that I am looking out for you."** _

"Here you go Miss. Please pay the cashier on your way out," the middle aged, female server told me as she placed my bill on the table.

"Thanks, I will," I replied shutting my laptop even though she was out of earshot.

 _Alright,_ I thought happily to myself. _You continue to the next job and forget about De-… What's his name, even if you don't have anyone like John or Bobby to talk to about it… Oh and you pick Toby up some awesome Nikes while you're in Portland._


	34. It Doesn't Really Matter

It was bordering on being too dark to go to the crime scene (hell I wasn't even sure that I would be able to find it in the dark on these unfamiliar streets), so I opted to check into a hotel instead. I wasn't quite sure what angle I was going to play for this job yet, so I was happy to take the extra time to plan. And if I had any good luck at all, maybe the front desk would have a map of Portland that didn't just lead to shopping malls or historical landmarks.

After I finished filling out the paperwork to check in, I tried testing the waters by nonchalantly saying, "So I heard on the radio about that ballerina…"

"Crazy, right?!" The clerk who couldn't be any older than nineteen replied, "My little sister was going to start studying there on Saturday, but now my mom's too freaked out to let her go there."

"Oh goodness that must be tough on your sister," I replied not believing my good fortune.

She rolled her eyes before saying, "Yeah she will not stop pestering our mom about it, but in all honesty I'm actually with my mom on this one. I don't know what actually happened but it's so not normal."

From there the hotel worker continued on about how she understood her parents' concerns and how ungrateful her sister was being. It took more than a few verbal maneuvers to get her back on track about the incident instead of the insanity of her family without rousing her suspicions, but I managed it. By the time I was hauling my luggage to my room I not only had perfect directions to the dance center, I now had a great cover story that meant that I wouldn't have to impersonate an officer of the law. Instead now I was just going to play the part of an overly protective mother that didn't want her child to be traumatized by the horrific event that had happened who was checking the place out in person before starting enrollment.

Even though I had spent over a year playing the role of 'Mum' to Toby intimately with his biological father, I really wasn't sure how easy it was going to be to pull this off. Since it was too late to head out there tonight I figured I could use the extra time to mentally prepare for my role. I had saved practically every email Toby had sent me over the years so I figured that I could use them for inspiration. My Mum had always said that I was a great 'method' actress, but to me it was just another part of the job. I was constantly needing to transform myself into being different people and it made perfect sense to me that it was easier for me to pretend to be someone else if I could relate to the persona I was creating.

Before I could stop myself I heard my phone ringing through to the number I had dialed. I stole a glance at the clock radio beside my bed for the night, did some quick math in my head and nearly hung up the phone when I heard a groggy, _"Addy? Hey… Did you make it to Oregon okay?"_

 _Stupid… Stupid…_ I thought to myself as I sat down on the bed. "Yeah, yeah I did. But I got here a lot later than I thought I would."

" _I was going to call to warn you about that accident outside of Salem,"_ he replied sounding more alert now. _"But I figured that by the time I saw it that you'd be stuck in it so it would be like pointing out the obvious and I didn't want to annoy you."_

I chuckled softly and didn't lose the humor in my tone when I responded, "Annoy me? Buddy I would have welcomed the friendly voice in my ear as I inched along the freeway, but no worries I'm here now. And at least you knew why I'd be late to check in with you tonight."

" _Yeah, that's true. So what have you found out? What do you think it is? Has anyone else died? I haven't seen anything else, but that doesn't necessarily mean that there hasn't been another weird death, right? And…"_

"Right," I jumped in before I lost him to his racing thoughts. "That's all true Tobs, but I haven't been able to get to the dance studio or the cop shop yet, so…"

I heard him sigh then he finished my sentence for me. _"So we'll know more tomorrow after you've been able to visit both places."_

"Exactly. But it's pretty late Buddy, I shouldn't keep you up."

Toby let out a soft laugh as he said, _"Oh no you're not keeping me up, my Spanish homework is actually putting me to sleep so I should be thanking you for calling and give me an excuse to take a break from it."_

"Oh… Well in that case, you're very welcome," I replied with an amused tone. "And I should let you get back to work. I'll check-in with you tomorrow when I know anything new, okay?"

" _Okay,"_ he agreed with a mock begrudged grumble. _"Make sure that you're careful… I hear that ballerinas can be pretty scary about their competition…"_ He paused to share a loud laugh with me. _"But seriously, take care. I love you Addy."_

"I always try to Tobs. Love you too and I'll talk to ya tomorrow."

" _¡Hasta mañana!"_

I traded my phone for my laptop and then once again made myself comfortable on the bed. Toby made a good point when he mentioned the possibility of there being some other strange deaths since the ballerina was found. When dealing with the supernatural it was so rare that the death toll stayed at one that I couldn't think of a single job that I had worked where that was the case. The girl at the front desk hadn't mentioned any other anomalous deaths, so I focused my attention on finding the websites for any local papers or news radio channels after trying to find the local news on TV.

After navigating my way through more than three news centric websites, I found nothing else that looked like an unnatural death. If the dancer's was the only death then that might help direct me to what it was that I was hunting, so I made a quick list of my top ten 'suspects'. In an attempt to narrow down the list, I tried my hand at researching the ballerina's background online. I of course didn't have as good of hacking skills as Toby or Sam which meant that I only found generic articles about her many dance accomplishments.

"Nothing too salacious," I commented out loud. "Huh… Toby mentioned dancing being cut-throat and full of ruthless competitors… Could this be a case of jealousy and a spell going awry?"

I looked around the room then laughed nervously. When I was younger I had grown used to working on my own, but right now it felt kind of weird to talk out the problem aloud to an empty room. Up until very recently there had at least been the possibility of someone else being in the room to answer me and knowing those days had passed caused my heart to ache. But I just wrote those feelings off as my being rusty and possibly hungry since I hadn't stopped for dinner on my way into town.

Since I needed a break to regroup anyways, I decided to check out the pub I had noticed just down the block from the hotel. It seemed like an easy enough place to hide in a dark corner and go over everything that I had found out thus far. I was far too hungry and tired to be polite if anyone caught a glimpse of the subject matter in my notebook. The looks diner waitresses had given me in the past when that had happened always made me feel worse about doing the job. They were just innocent bystanders who didn't need me to burst their bubbles about the realities of life, so corner booth in a dimly lit bar quickly became my preference once I was old enough to frequent them without constantly being carded.

On my way out through the lobby, the front desk clerk had idly asked where I was heading out to for the night. She looked so bored on her perch despite all of the closed textbooks on the counter beside her. I pointedly let my eyes linger on her books when I answered that I was heading out to the pub for a bite to eat and something to drink to calm my nerves after my hectic commute.

She didn't even try to hide the fact that her eyes were following my gaze before she scoffed loudly and said, "I've finished all of my readings for the week…" The look in her eyes added the exasperated 'Mom' that was left unsaid. "And the last time I used my down time to read ahead, it didn't really go over well with my classmates, so yeah… Now I'm just bored."

"Oh…" I replied trying to conceal how giddy I felt that she had fallen for my stern, 'motherly' questioning look that I had directed at her classwork. "That can be a fine line to walk on. I'm guessing that you took down some notes already?" She nodded but was still eyeing me suspiciously. "Have you ever thought of jotting down some counter points to your own arguments? I mean your classmates already think that you're trying to be a brown-nosing teacher's pet, why not just do it with this week's readings instead of next weeks? Couldn't hurt to help to keep the discussion going in your tutorials, right?"

The university student's lips pulled back into a pensive smile as she quietly replied, "Yeah… That… Yeah that could work."

As I pushed against the metal handle on the glass door, I smiled at her over one of my shoulders adding, "Plus guys only pretend to like dumb chicks. Dazzle him with your ability to argue the points from all angles. If that doesn't impress him then he isn't worth your time or effort. At least in my humblest opinion he wouldn't be."

I caught a glimpse of a dark pink blush spreading across her cheeks as I finally exited the building. I had been more than happy to play the role of mentor to many a hunter's daughters and tried my best to set Toby on the right path, but I still didn't feel ready to be someone's actual, full-time mother. I even fought against the mentoring until it seemed like some of the dads might allow their daughters to venture out in the world without being one thousand percent sure that their offspring were capable of surviving on their own. After that revelation I started looking at that role as being less of a 'mother-surrogate' and more of an 'older sister' gig, which I was used to and comfortable with because of Toby. To my credit, that idea seemed to make being a hurdle that all of those kids had to go through was less painful for them and me and I now saw how it could work with civilians as well, especially on this job.

Despite my mild feelings of contentment at pull off my 'motherly stare' so well, I tried to refocus my thoughts solely on the job that had brought me to Portland. The way the ballerina had literally danced her feet off was obviously anything but natural. My job now was to figure out what could cause her feet to turn into ground beef while her shoes remained in pristine condition.

 _Okay so your daughter is everyone's main competition… And she's crushing them… Huh… Remember that job you worked with Mum and Fraser showed up?_ I thought to myself feeling somewhat happy as I continued towards the pub. _Okay Addy… Just focus on…_

Before I could finish my thought, my right arm was being pulled with enough force to pop my shoulder out of its joint. It took me a couple of steps to find my footing but my balance didn't last long. As soon as my companion felt confident that we couldn't be seen from the sidewalk, he slammed me face first against the wall of the pub.

A few expletives slipped past my lips as my right arm got wrenched up my back at an unnatural and painful angle between our bodies. My attacker seemed to be able to read my mind because he rammed his hip into the small of my back just before he forced my legs apart to press them against the wall so that I couldn't kick at him like I had planned. I continued to struggle against his grasp, but I couldn't quite get a hold of the wall with my left hand to push against the building because of the way he kept pressing my body against my trapped limb to ensure that it was rendered useless.

"Look if you want my bag just fucking take it," I gritted out trying not to let the pain I was feeling to show in my voice.

He let out a cruel laugh then said against my ear, "You'd consider yourself lucky if that's all I wanted from you Ad-de-laid."

His voice was instantly familiar so I went completely limp in his arms. I was secure enough in my abilities to admit that if he got the jump on me like this that I wasn't going to win once he got me in this position, so I was willing to wait for an opening. "Fuck Trev… You…"

"Mmm… That is definitely an interesting proposition," Trevor said over my words. He bunched up my hair in a crude ponytail with his free hand and used it to pull my head back to bare my neck to him. "Maybe you'll get lucky enough to find out what it feels like to be bent over and laid by a real man."

He tightened his grip on my hair to pull my head back even further causing me to let out a pain filled gasp before replying with a strained voice, "Perfect… Let me know when you find a real man to do that."

"Bitch!" He hissed out as he threw my head towards the building. He then snaked his hand between my body and the wall without letting up any pressure on my back. When he felt me try to move my left hand to stop him from opening the fly of my jeans, he pulled up on my right arm even further up my back. "I owe you for what you did to me."

"Jesus Trevor that was…" I started to say with genuine exasperation when we heard someone walk up behind us.

"I suggest you let the lady go and step away from her," the newcomer ordered in an even, steady tone.

Trevor twisted his head to look over his shoulder and replied, "And I suggest that you fuck off and mind your own fucking business asshole."

I heard the other man sigh loudly and almost thought that he was going to walk away until I felt Trevor tense up behind me. "I really didn't want it to come down to this, but… Step away from the woman and place your hands on your head." To my surprise Trevor complied with his wishes and then I heard, "I'm placing you under arrest for…"

Trevor took a couple of steps from me and when I turned around I found a clean cut white male with sort dark hair and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt holding a gun out in a practiced stance. He motioned with his gun for Trevor to go to his knees as he continued to recite the rights that Trevor would maintain even while detained. I instinctively cradled my right arm close to my chest as I stepped closer to the two males and listened in a shocked silence.

The officer exchanged his gun for a pair of hand cuffs with an expert ease while he continued talking. As he pulled Trevor's right hand off his head, I made eye contact with the man who was on his knees. I nearly abandoned my course of action when I felt the full weight of Trevor's angry glare. He had gotten himself into the position of getting cuffed and hauled off to jail all on his own and yet he was glaring at me as if it was all my fault.

"Officer? I… I don't want to press charges," I called out softly without letting my eyes wander from Trevor's intense gaze.

Both men stared at me with their mouths hanging open, so I cautiously approached them explaining, "It really wasn't what it looked like Officer and really I'm totally fine. It was all just a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding? So now friends assault each other by throwing the other up against a wall and then fake that they're going to sexually assault one another?" He questioned without making any moves to free Trevor at all.

Trevor and I barked out a quick laugh causing the police officer to look even more confused. "No Officer we aren't friends," I replied before Trevor could open his mouth and screw this up even worse. "We're in the same line of work and are more like rivals… And well… Some of us aren't sore losers when they don't come out on top."

Now I had both of them glaring at me, but the officer did release the other hunter from his cuffs. Trevor stood up without accepting the hand offered to him by the other man and looked like he had to restrain himself from stepping closer to me. I watched him with a keen eye and tried not to wince from the pain radiating from my shoulder because I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

The policeman looked between us and then seemed to make a decision about something. While he stuffed his handcuffs into a holder at the left side of his back he calmly said, "Well Mister…"

He gave Trevor a pointed look to which the hunter replied, "Smith."

"Right… Mister Smith," the officer continued not sounding like he believed the hunter. "I think it would be best for you to leave whatever job has you both here to this young lady to finish on her own… And it would probably be in your best interest if you headed out to your next job tonight."

Trevor didn't take his eyes off of me as he nodded and replied sounding just as angry as he had been before the police officer's intervention, "Yes sir that sounds like good advice." He then took a step closer to me and pointed an accusing finger at me nearly growling as he spoke, "This isn't close to being over, I still owe you for…"

"Seriously dude?" The officer called out over the rest of Trevor's statement and losing all of the authoritativeness from his tone. When he continued to speak he sound more like someone close to my age (which he also looked like he was) instead of a parent scolding a child. "I let you go without so much as a warning and now you're going to threaten the lady right in front of me? Are you seriously that dense or do you really want to spend the night in jail that badly?"

Trevor's eyes narrowed and his lips fell into an angry line. "No sir… And she ain't no fucking lady."

With that last remark the hunter turned and walked towards the parking lot. Now that he was gone, I tested out my right arm and didn't worry about how I reacted to the pain I felt. The pain was pretty intense but I couldn't really tell if it was just a pulled muscle, a dislocated shoulder or if it was something else entirely.

Since my attention was focused on my arm, I actually jumped when I felt a hand grasp my left shoulder and heard, "Are you sure that I shouldn't follow him and lock him up?"

I gave him a soft smile as I replied, "He's an insufferable dick, but no I haven't changed my mind. But… And I know I'm probably pressing my luck here… Could I bother you to do me another favor?"

"Well I wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I denied a lady's request for assistance."

I tried my hardest not to laugh but I couldn't help it and let a quick chuckle tumble out of my mouth. "You may be a gentleman, but he wasn't lying to you when he said that I wasn't a lady."

My response earned me an indifferent shrug as he replied, "Either way, what can I do to help you?"

I turned so that my back was facing him and then reached my right hand back to him saying, "I can't tell if he dislocated my shoulder or not… Could you…? Umm…?"

He took my hand in both of his and immediately started moving my arm up and down before I finished my question. While he almost duplicated the hold Trevor had placed me in, he leaned in to quietly say into my ear almost seductively, "Make sure to let me know if I'm hurting you too much. I wouldn't…"

Suddenly the policeman was ripped away from my back and I could hear a bit of a commotion behind me. I once again cradled my arm to my chest even though the pain I was feeling wasn't as severe as it had been before. It took a few moments for my mind to catch up with the fact that the officer might be in trouble because I was so relieved that the pain was fading already which meant that the injury truly wasn't as bad as it could have been.

When I finally did turn around what I saw shocked me into silence and froze me in my place. Dean had the officer up against the wall with his left forearm pressed against the other man's throat. I could see Dean's mouth moving but I couldn't hear a word that he was saying. I was so out of it that I didn't even notice Sam standing beside Dean as his back up.

Once Sam was certain that Dean had my 'attacker' under control he walked over to my side. Sam then placed a soft hand on my left shoulder as he asked, "Hey Addy are you okay?"

"Yeah," I replied automatically. "I'm fine…" I finally forced my eyes up to the taller man's face causing me to more clearly shout, "Sam! Shit!"

I ran the short distance that separated me from Dean and the police officer. Without even thinking about the damage that had just been inflicted on my shoulder, I latched both of my hands onto Dean's shoulders and pulled him back yelling, "What the fuck are you doing you psycho?"

"He… I… You were…" Dean struggled to explain through his confusion when I kept my attention on the man he had 'rescued' me from just a moment ago.

Sam stepped up beside his brother and watched me for a couple of breaths before answering, "We were keeping him from robbing you or worse."

I was finally convince that my actual savior was alright, so I turned to face the Winchesters as I angrily shot back, "He wasn't hurting me you dipshits! He was checking on the damage Trevor caused when HE tried to… Whatever… He saved me from a douchebag because he's a COP for fuck's sake!"

Dean and Sam shifted their gaze from me to the man behind me. He quickly took the hint that they didn't really believe me so he pulled out his wallet to show them his badge. You could see the muscles in both of the brothers' bodies relax which actually caused my blood to boil. The three of us had been through enough together that they should have known I could handle myself and yet here they were acting like I'd never been in a fight before now.

"See? I'm fine! I don't need you two swooping in to be my knights in shining armor," I continued with my rage dripping off each word.

"Hey! Lay it looked like…" Dean tried to defend their actions with his hands held up in surrender.

"Looked like what? Like I'm some helpless bimbo that can't take care of herself?" I moved to take a step forward but was stopped by a gentle hand being placed on my forearm. I turned to face the owner of the hand and felt mildly guilty that I had forgotten that the third man was still with us. I partially turned towards him to apologetically say, "Sorry Officer, but would you mind giving my… Umm us a minute alone?"

"More 'coworkers'?" He questioned with a wink.

I shook my head but couldn't help smiling as I replied, "Not exactly…"

He returned my smile then said, "I'll wait over there just in case."

"Thanks," I whispered before turning back to face the Winchesters. I nodded to a spot a few feet away and didn't wait for them to follow me. As we walked away from the police officer I continued my enraged tirade in a lower voice, "What the fuck is wrong with you two?"

Dean just huffed and clenched his jaw tightly in response, but Sam was quick to defensively reply, "Addy I swear it looked like he was trying to hurt you. I… We really didn't mean to offend you… And how were we to know he was a cop?"

Sam of course used his patented 'puppy dog' eyes on me and it did what it had always done, melted my heart because he was being so genuine and it forced me to concede to myself that he had a point. I let out a soft sigh then more civilly said (while making sure to only look up at Sam), "And thank you… Both of you for stepping in to help me when you thought I was in deep trouble… But as you can see I'm bewdy… I mean, I'm good."

Dean just gritted his teeth and shook his head before stalking over towards the front door of the bar. Sam watched his brother then took a hold of my upper arm saying, "You know we… Well I'll help you anytime you need me just like I told you before, right? I really did mean it when I said it Addy."

"Thanks Sam… And make sure you don't lose my number either, okay?" He nodded with a tight smile on his face. It broke my heart a little to see Sam this uncertain, so I went up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek then let some humor slip into my tone as I said, "But you should probably catch up with your brother to keep him out of trouble."

Once again Sam pulled his lips back in a small smile replying, "Yeah, you're probably right."

I squeezed his hand, but didn't try to stop him when he followed Dean's path into the building. I then took in a deep bracing breath to try to center myself before turning back towards the police officer. I wasn't sure how he would react to or interpret my current situation, but I knew that I couldn't hide from it. Me being some sort of freak that went from fighting with someone to being rescued out of the blue by people that I wasn't certain how I felt about them was completely new to me so I couldn't even fathom how an officer of the law would see it.

When our eyes met he smiled warmly then said, "So they were family?"

"Sort of," I replied feeling kind of apprehensive. "He…? He didn't hurt you too badly did he? Because I swear that he would NEVER hurt a police officer unless it was absolutely necessary to save someone's life or something. Please don't arrest him for Assault P.O., please?"

He let out a soft chuckle then replied, "Really two guys throw two different people against the same wall and you don't want either of them to go before a judge?"

"I didn't… I mean I don't… I can…" I tried to defend myself.

"Hey it's okay. So… Teasing…? Not a good way to flirt with you… Consider that filed away," he cut in over my self-deprecating commentary. "Let me try a different tactic then… I remember reading somewhere that a true gentleman is supposed to buy the damsel in distress a drink to help calm her nerves."

I fought my first instinct of showing him how offended I felt by being called a 'damsel in distress' and laughed softly at how ridiculous I felt right now. I then hooked my arm through his bent elbow saying, "Well this not quite a lady won't stop you from fulfilling that duty. Why don't we find us a table inside?"

We walked into the pub arm in arm and somehow my eyes instantly found the Winchester brothers. Dean quickly diverted his gaze to the glass of some amber colored liquor in front of him, but Sam let his eyes meet mine straight on. I had poured my heart and soul out to him over the phone when he called to tell me that he had shot and killed his niece, so I was more than happy to have someone to help me keep upright when my eyes met Sam's. When my gaze didn't waver, Sam also cast his eyes to the glass of alcohol he was holding.

"You still okay?" The man on my left asked after leaning in to say it into my ear.

I slipped onto a seat with my back facing the Winchester brothers and gave my companion a grateful smile. "Yeah I'll be alright," I finally replied. "But not gonna lie, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the jockey, so I'd really like to order as soon as humanly possible."

"Ask and ye shall receive," he replied as he dramatically threw his right hand up into the air to call over one of the servers.

I gave him a playfully skeptic look because of his confidence, but then I suddenly felt someone standing behind me to one side. "Hey sorry to make you wait. What can I get you tonight?" A perky female server asked.

My companion nodded in my direction so I quickly said, "Can I get a BLT on whole wheat and a pint of whatever draft you have on tap?"

"Of course," she confirmed before turning to the man sitting across the table from me. "And what can I get for you tonight?"

"Just the usual and the same beer as my lovely meal-mate, thanks."

After the server was far from earshot I turned to make a teasing comment but was stopped by a male around our age that looked like a perfect prototype for a 'cop' calling out, "Tempe! Dude we're all over there." He pointed over his shoulder to a boisterous group in a corner alcove as he continued on to the men's room.

"Tempe?" I questioned with a large, overly amused grin on my face. "Is that like for Tempe, Arizona?"

He laughed loudly and shook his head vigorously replying, "No… No my parents weren't lame enough to name me after a city or anything like celebrities like to do nowadays … It's just a shortened version of my surname, Templeton. They do something like that to everyone at work so that they have a nickname. My first name is Josh… Well Joshua." He threw me a beguiling smile then asked, "And you…? My not so damsel in distress…? You would be…?"

"Oh! Sorry, I'm Addy," I answered before adding with a mock annoyed tone. "But my full name is Adelaide. My Mum was pretty sentimental and named me after her favorite city in Australia."

My companion's face dropped at my response but before he could try to make an ungraceful retreat I grabbed his hand that was resting on the table and quickly added, "Hey! Whoa! I was just teasing you… But that is the truth. My name is Adelaide Jones, but everyone calls me Addy. I could give you my D.O.B so that you can call my details into your dispatch to verify it all."

He still looked like he was going to be sick so I tried a different approach to let him know I wasn't offended by his joke, "So…? Josh what are the rules for a 'lady' buying a true gentleman a drink after her psycho ex-boyfriend tried to pick a fight with him?"

He finally relaxed under my grasp then answered, "Hmm… Let me think." He took a moment to dramatically look at the ceiling before adding, "I seem to recall there being a clause that allows that without penalties."

I perked up as my smile spread wider across my face as I said, "Perfect, so that means that the next round is on me."

Our drinks had arrived by that time, so I raised my glass and waited for him to knock his glass against mine. Since it was bad luck not to take a drink after a toast, I took a long swallow from my pint of beer. I could feel Josh watching me with a cop's assessing eye, but I didn't get a chance to acknowledge it because my food had arrived. My pint glass nearly shattered under the force of me slamming it to the table top so that I could dig into my meal.

While I started to demolish the first half of my BLT, Josh calmly stabbed at his salad and laughed quietly to himself. "Whaf?" I ask with my mouth still partially full. I swallowed the food in my mouth I then said, "Hey you can't say that I didn't warn you that I was hungry. You're more than welcome to look away if it offends you at all."

He actually pulled the forkful of food he was about to put in his mouth away from his lips to say, "Oh no Addy, I'm not offended in the least… Actually I'm pretty relieved to be eating with a woman who isn't afraid to show her appetite. Most of my first dates peck at their food like they're birds or something when the whole restaurant can hear their stomach growling, so this is quite refreshing." I quirked an intrigued eyebrow as I continued to devour my sandwich. He swallowed thickly then nervously said, "Not that… I mean we just met so… You know…? It's not like THIS is a date or anything… I was just saying…"

I smiled and suppressed my urge to laugh replying, "Well I guess that's why it doesn't bother me that I finished my sandwich in six bites… Since this isn't a date and all."

"You… Unnerve me Addy Jones… And there aren't many people that have been able to do that," he said with a faint smile and a shrug.

I watched him eat for a bit before I answered in a sincere tone, "That's just because you haven't really gotten to know me." I paused to signal to our waitress that we were ready for another round of drinks. "And Constable Templeton I think the only way to remedy that is by you asking me the questions that are preoccupying your thoughts so that we can put your mind at ease."

A sly smile spread across Josh's face as he replied, "Actually I'm a Corporal. I went to the academy straight out of high school." We both took a drink from the beers that had been placed beside us then Josh furrowed his brow and asked, "So that guy over there…? He's your…?"

"Ex-boyfriend," I answered a little too quickly for it not to sound like I was nervous.

He massaged his throat then questioned, "Ex…? Okay. Umm… Is he aware of this relationship status?"

"Pretty sure he is since he knocked up a one night stand a couple of weeks ago," I said to my plate of fries as I pick one up. Almost as soon as I had it lifted off my plate, I threw it back down and looked up at the chagrinned look on the man's face sitting across from me. "Hey no worries Josh… We were pretty much broken up by then, so it was just the last nail in the coffin."

"Oh…? Wow… Wow… But I honestly can't say that you see many ex-boyfriends that will ride in like Sir Galahad to rescue a woman they've dumped."

I took a long drink and then smirked before playfully countering, "Who says that he was the 'dumper' and not the 'dumpee'?" Josh blushed but before he could attempt to apologize I distractedly added, "But I think the real reason he'd do it is Toby."

"Toby? Is he the guy sitting across from Mister 'Not My Boyfriend'?"

"No," I answered while shaking my head to gain some more clarity. "He's our son that my Aunt and Uncle raised." I stopped there when I felt my own cheeks start to heat up. "Shit… Talk about an overshare."

He gave me a sympathetic smile then said, "Well since this isn't a date there's no such thing as an 'overshare', right? But I noticed that you used the past tense about your boy. Mind me asking why you would do that?"

"Oh… Well I guess it's because ever since his fourteenth birthday he seems to be more of an adult than me at times." I could see Josh trying to do the math in his head so I made sure to clarify, "I got pregnant my senior year of high school, hence the adoption."

"Really? So you two have been together since you were teenagers?" He asked with his eyes widening slightly in surprise.

I gave him a tight smile then said, "Not exactly. We had broken up by the time I finished high school, but we reconnected a few years ago while working on the same job a little while ago."

"Oh… Okay," he replied still sounding confused but not pressing for any further details. "So you work beside some pretty tough looking guys… Let me guess, you're a bounty hunter?"

The mouthful of beer I was trying to swallow nearly ended up sprayed across the table but I somehow managed to choke it down. While I caught my breath I was brushing off Josh's offers to assist me. He remained in his seat and made a thoughtful noise then said, "Okay so you obviously aren't a bounty hunter… Okay… Hmm…" He stole a glance at the Winchesters then commented, "Well you're too pretty and easy to talk to for you to be a Fed…"

"Actually I'm a…" I blurted out trying to answer his question.

He silenced me by raising a hand as he said, "No… No, let me guess…" He was still looking over my shoulder as he said, "They definitely look like they're cops, but I've never seen them before so I'm thinking they're probably FBI…" He moved his eyes slowly back to my face to make direct eye contact. "And you work a lot of the same jobs as them…? I'm going to have to say that that must make you a… Private Investigator?"

"Yeah… Yeah I am," I answered quickly, almost certain that my nervousness didn't show.

"And I'm guessing that your 'not a friend' from earlier tonight is a P.I. too?"

I relaxed in my seat as I sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah he is… The old school kind who thinks that a woman's place is in the kitchen and not out in the field."

Josh held up his glass as he toasted, "For you to have a macho guy like that seeing red just by seeing you working the same job must mean you're doing something right."

A huge smile lit up my face at his genuine compliment and clinked my glass against the one he offered over the table. "Yeah I guess it does." I couldn't help but notice that his eyes were wondering back in the direction of the Winchesters. "So I don't think that it's very lady like to monopolize the conversation… So CORPORAL Joshua Templeton, Tempe to his brothers in blue, why don't you tell me a little bit more about you?"

His eyes sparkled as a sly smile spread across his face. He ordered another round of drinks and told me about his family while we waited for them to be delivered. It turned out that he and I had more in common than I could have ever imagined. He had known that he was going to become a police officer at a very young age because he wanted to follow in his father's footsteps. That made him the fifth generation of Templeton men to don a police uniform.

Although Josh had a younger sister, he too had lost both of his parents and sometimes felt like a an orphan too. First was his father to a heart attack and more recently it was his mother to cancer. He was in the middle of telling me about how it had taken losing their parents for him and his sister to have any semblance of a relationship when I caught a glimpse of the Winchester brothers leaving the bar. At the door Sam turned and caught my eye. I wasn't sure how I should interpret the look on his face, but after he had turned to leave I definitely did feel angry about the ball of guilt that started to form deep in my gut.

Theoretically there was nothing wrong with me chatting about our lives with someone over drinks and yet the look on Sam's face almost made me feel like I was doing something that I should be ashamed of doing. But how dare he judge me? Even though we were sharing a few pints, how did he know that I wasn't getting some useful information out of this boy in blue? Granted I wasn't, but was there really anything wrong with me finding some companionship with another human being? It wasn't like I was throwing him down, ripping his clothes off and fucking him in the middle of the bar or anything.

Josh stole a glance over his shoulder before turning back to me asking, "Are you sure that it was a coffin that nail went into?"

"What?" I distractedly asked more out of habit than actual thought. The tone of my voice forced me to look up into his face and I suddenly realized that I couldn't remember the last thing that I had actually heard him saying. I gave him an apologetic look as I said, "I'm so sorry Josh, but I think I missed that. Would you mind repeating what you just asked?"

He had a mildly sad look in his eyes as he replied, "I was just noticing how you were watching 'not my boyfriend' there… Are you sure that you've closed and dead bolted the door on that one?"

The vivid image of the last time I had seen the eldest Winchester popped into my head because the police officer's analogy described that seen to utter perfection. I shook my head then forced myself to nod as I responded, "We won't be getting back together but… Well… This is the first time that I've seen him since… Well the first time in a while, so I'm still sort of processing, you know?"

"Not completely, but I think I understand where you're coming from," he offered with the barest hint of sadness. "So are you up for another round?"

That little ball of guilt that had tried to form at seeing Sam's face was so big now that I could barely speak. I shook my head gently and vaguely heard the man across from me ask our server for our bill. I was still trying to find my voice to thank him so I reached across the table to hold his hand. He turned his eyes back to my face and the look he gave me helped me to regain my control over myself.

He didn't really know me and I really didn't owe him anything and yet I wanted so badly to be completely honest with him. If I was a different person who was raised into a different way of life, I felt like our meeting could have led to something more profound causing me to very honestly reply, "I'm sorry Josh, you're meeting me during a really weird time, but I am so grateful to have met you. You absolutely saved my ass tonight and it was really nice having a great meal and conversation with a genuine gentleman… I didn't think any of you existed anymore."

Our server placed the bill on our table and made a hasty retreat when she saw the serious looks on our faces. I moved to pick up the folder to see what my portion of the tab would be, but Josh pulled it closer to himself before I had the chance. My confused scowl only deepened when he opened the booklet, slipped in a few bills from his wallet and gave me a satisfied smile.

"Josh, I…"

He shook his head then said, "Consider it my treat to help you mend a broken heart." My jaw dropped as he added, "Hey just because you know it's over doesn't mean that it still won't hurt when you see them. Believe me, I completely understand that feeling."

After he had settled our tab, I couldn't stop myself before I wrapped my arms around him sincerely saying, "I wish I could have met you under different circumstances."

I felt his laugh more than I heard it. I expected him to push out of my embrace before he spoke but I instead felt him squeeze my torso as he replied, "Or maybe you met me exactly when you needed to Addy Jones."

Every muscle in my body went rigid for a split second because he sounded so much like the angel that the Winchesters had brought into my life. I looked up into his face for any possible telltale signs of celestial intervention, but all I was met with the same easy smile that he had been giving me all night. As my own relieved smile spread across my face I realized that I really didn't care if he was a human or an angel because he truly had given me what I had needed tonight; good food and good conversation.

"Thank you," I finally said just over a whisper as I released him from my hold. "And yeah, you might have a point… But… I should get going so that I can attempt to get some sleep tonight."

Josh's hand slid down my arm until it was tucked comfortably against my palm. He anticipated my quizzical gaze because he quickly said, "After how we first met, you didn't really think that I wasn't going to make sure that I got you home safely now did you? Or… well at least as far as I can get you."

I laughed despite myself and shifted his hold so that my arm was linked with his just like it was when we first walked into this room. "Well my hotel is just down the block…"

"Perfect," he cut in. "Now why don't we get you 'home'?"

During the short walk back to my room we continued our light-hearted, comfortable teasing commentary. He truly did turn out to be a gentleman because he stopped to say goodnight outside of the lobby's doors and he didn't try to do anything more than kiss me, almost chastely, on the cheek. I wanted to offer him so much more than a peck on the cheek to show him my gratitude, but I didn't because I could have almost sworn that I could feel someone watching us.

"Remember to let me know if I can help you with anything… I know that the P.I. badge can only get you so far and all," he said once he was standing upright and looking down at me.

I took a large step back so I could see his face more easily then replied, "I promise I'll call if I need anything. Thanks again Josh."

He nodded then turned and walked back towards the Pub where we had met. I still felt eyes watching me, so I stepped to the left side of the lobby doors towards the darkness and sighed out, "Hey Sam… Long time no see."

Sam stepped out into the light and the look on his face cause me to almost angrily add, "He saved me from a hunter that wanted to rape me, so I let him buy me dinner when he offered… I wasn't planning on sleeping with him… God Sam don't fucking judge me for accepting a free meal and good conversation."

The younger male looked down at me like he was beyond affronted by my anger and said in a confused tone, "Addy I… I wasn't… I didn't…"

I searched his face and saw nothing but genuine confusion causing me to more humbly say, "Okay… Sorry maybe you weren't… But… Uh… Well then why are you lurking in the shadows watching him walk me back to my room?"

My question caused Sam to snort out a laugh before answering, "I wasn't 'lurking' Addy. I was heading out to find some coffee and didn't want to interrupt your goodnight kiss with him."

"Oh…" I replied feeling beyond stupid and self-centered. We were now standing in front of the glass doorway that led to the lobby which meant that I could see his face more clearly. I had only spent a brief period of time with him after Castiel had breach the dam in his head, but it didn't take a genius to recognize the signs of sleeplessness that I assumed came from things getting worse for him. I stepped closer to him so that I could hold his cheeks and as I ran my thumbs under his eyes I said with a bit of a hitch in my throat, "No offense Sam… (I almost let out a teasing 'Sammy' but managed to restrain myself) but you look like shit. Are you sure you shouldn't be trying to go to sleep instead of pumping more caffeine into your system?"

He scoffed and unconsciously rolled his eyes so I apologetically jumped in asking, "Shit… Shit! He… Lucifer… He's keeping you up at night now?"

Sam gave me a weary smile as he answered, "All of his efforts to be as annoying as possible…? Yeah they're all working now."

"Sam…" I said forlornly as I instinctively picked up his left hand in both of mine. I ran my thumbs over the prominent scar on his palm saying, "I know all of this has been really hard on you, so if you want I can ask Toby to focus on trying to find a way to fix this for you."

With an uncomfortable chuckle Sam answered, "And you'd get him to look up what? 'How to heal a soul that the Devil and his brother had fun torturing for over a year'? Yeah… I'm not sure that Toby would be able to find any answers for that."

"True, it isn't completely straightforward," I countered gently. "But I've learned to never underestimate what your nephew can find, so it couldn't really hurt to put him on the case because… Well Sam…? You and your brother need each other more than ever now… Which mean you need to be as well rested as possible."

Sam smiled then replied, "Yeah that could help, but do you know what else would do that?" I shook my head with my eyes laser focused on his palm because I was sure that he was going to make yet another comment about me getting back together with his brother. "He always feels better after finishing a job."

"Job?" I asked with a fake tone of misunderstanding. "There's a job here that you guys are working on?"

The look on Sam's face conveyed nothing but disbelief, but his voice sounded genuine when he replied, "Yeah there is and it looks like we've got some cursed objects floating around town. But don't tell me that the ballerina's death didn't draw you here too."

I shook my head then somewhat convincingly replied, "No I can't say that I've heard anything about that. I was actually just making a pit stop here on my way to another job."

Sam raised a quizzical brow before he asked without hiding any of his suspicion, "Really? And what 'job' it that you're heading off to Addy?"

He was baiting me; I knew that he was so I tried to keep my own irritation from showing when I answered, "One of Mum's old contacts got a hold of me… He's had some trouble with a spirit just outside of Vancouver." Sam's face turned from skeptical to quizzical so I more soberly continued, "There's an old train station that was turned into a restaurant in a city older than Vancouver, British Columbia. The city decided to do some major construction this year and the spirit doesn't seem to be too impressed with the changes they're making."

"Canada?" He questioned in awe. "You're heading to a job in Canada?"

I grasped both of his hands in mine and squeezed them tightly replying, "Yes Sam I am. Sorry but some of us aren't as adverse to crossing the border as some others. (Dean's name went unstated.) But that being said…" Sam's eyes went wide before I finished, "Corporal Templeton would be more than happy to help you two FBI Agents if you have any problems with the local PD."

I paused at the grateful look Sam gave me, but neither of us commented on my obvious acknowledgment that I hadn't been completely honest. He leaned down to scoop me up into a tight hug as he replied, "Wow… Thanks Addy. That definitely should make things that much easier for us."

I pressed my fingertips of each finger on both of Sam's temples saying, "Everything but what's going on in here. Sam I'll do what I can to help fix this because you've more than suffered enough already."

Sam smiled and kissed my cheek before quietly saying, "Thanks Addy. On the off chance that you do find something, you know where to find me."

I bit my lip hard then tried to sound amused when I commented, "Yeah it's a lot harder to dodge you guys when you keep switching cars so often."

Sam laughed softly then agreed, "That's true…" He started walk away from me but stopped to playfully call over his shoulder, "Lucky for me though because I really don't want to avoid seeing you."

I felt tears prickling in my eyes as I turned and entered the hotel. Once I was in my room I practically passed out on my bed. The fatigue of the day hit me harder than I thought it would and I fell asleep fully clothed on top of the comforter of my bed.

When I woke up hours later I saw the calls I'd missed from Toby and opted to take the coward's way out and typed a text message on my Blackberry.

**Hey Buddy! Some other hunters have this one in the bag… I'm going to head north to take care of that ghost at the restaurant I told you about… I'll call you once I hit Canadian soil. Love you!**


	35. How Do You Redefine Something?

"BUT WHY NOT?" Toby yelled at me, asking this same question for the fifth time. Well for the fifth time this argument at least.

"BECAUSE I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF! I DON'T NEED THE BACK UP!" I screamed back at him feeling even more frustrated because I now had to look up into his face which made me feel less authoritative. "AND I ESPECIALLY DON'T NEED **HIS** HELP!"

The anger in Toby's face softened minutely at my vague reference to his biological father. Neither of us talked about the Winchesters much since I told Toby about our break up. Toby was convinced that we would get back together eventually and it wasn't lost on me that we were fighting more frequently because of that. Of course Toby never said his name, but he was picking fights with me about pretty much everything when his parents weren't around and we both knew what we were fighting about even if it continued to go unsaid.

He seemed to catch the shift of his expression because he forced his face to harden as he asked, "And what if it turns out to be a Leviathan thing?" His question came so far out of left field that my only reply was a confused look. "Because that's what happened in Portland you know… SAM told me all about it… WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"What…?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME LEVIATHANS WERE KILLING PEOPLE UP THERE IN OREGON? IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE HUNTING BY YOURSELF AGAIN AND YOU'RE TRYING TO PROTECT ME?" His voice got louder with every word as his face reddened in anger. "I'M NOT A LITTLE KID ANYMORE ADDY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROTECT ME FROM THE TRUTH!"

"WHAT?" I repeated just to give myself a moment to absorb what he had just said. "I didn't tell you Toby because I didn't know! **I** went to CANADA! REMEMBER? They had it all figured out so I moved on!"

"NO THEY DIDN'T! When you left they THOUGHT it was just cursed objects! Then they had to FIGHT TWO LEVIATHANS THAT SURPRISED THEM!" He paused to take a deep breath then said a bit more calmly, "If you hadn't left when you did then it would have been you that they would have tried to eat. What would you have done if they hadn't taken over the case?"

I reached out to gently grasp his arm sighing out a despondent, "Toby…"

He immediately smacked my hand away shouting, "NO! SAM ALSO SAID THAT THINGS ARE WORSE NOW THAN THEY'VE EVER BEEN…"He turned away from me and started pacing. "I think you should go back to hunting with them."

"Toby," I replied through clenched teeth. "We've been over this already. We broke up and now I'm back to working on my own, end of story."

He stopped in his spot to face me with his arms crossed over his chest. With his height advantage he could easily look quite intimidating, but it wouldn't work on me. I had been taught at a young age that it was always brains that won over brawn and that intimidation could only get you so far. Plus I found that flirting with most men got me what I wanted much faster than trying to out butch them. Mum used to always use the analogy of catching more flies with honey than vinegar to explain why that phenomenon happened.

"But Sam said that if it wasn't for the one Leviathan wanting his boss dead that they might not have won… What would you have done then huh?" He asked in a smug, self-satisfied tone.

I shook my head and didn't try to hide my disdain as I answered, "I would have done what they did… Improvise. You do remember that I've been doing this longer than the Winchesters, right? They aren't the only ones that know a few tricks."

"BUT THERE WERE TWO OF THEM! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIGHT OFF TWO LEVIATHANS AT ONE TIME?" Toby screamed with a hint of desperation.

"I won't know until I'm in that situation." He stared at me with his mouth hanging open with disbelief. "What? Weren't you just yelling at me about me not being honest with you? Well there… That's the God's honest truth. You can only pre-plan so much for a job and with something like this I won't know until it happens because I don't know what resources I'll have at my disposal until that time comes."

Suddenly an ugly sneer spread across Toby's face and he stood up taller saying, "Alright… Good… So you're up for being completely honest now, huh? Good… What's the real reason you and Dean broke up this time?"

"TOBY! NO!" I yelled in utter frustration. "I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT SOME THINGS AREN'T FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW! HE AND…"

"THAT'S SUCH BULLSHIT ADDY!" He quickly interrupted. "IF YOU'RE GOING TO LIE TO ME ABOUT THAT, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU KEEPING FROM ME?"

"TOBIAS JONATHAN CONNOR! YOU KNOW THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE ISN'T TOLERATED… EVER!" I nearly shrieked because I was so outraged.

In the past Toby had been instantly repentant when I had reprimanded him like that, but today his reaction was far from the norm. Somehow he managed to look even taller as he confidently replied, "It is whenever you, Dean or Sam use it, so what's the difference? And you still haven't answered the question ADELAIDE."

It was the first time Toby had used my full name with utter disdain, but I couldn't let myself focus on that right now.

"And I'm not going to," I replied letting my voice get dangerously low. When I took a step towards him, Toby actually shrunk back a bit at the look on my face. "I've already told you everything that you need to know about that topic and that's all you're getting. Now I'm sick and tired of having this same argument with you, so I'm ending it here and you're going up to your room."

Toby's eyes went wide with surprise as he just barely managed to mumble out, "What?"

"You heard me Tobias. Go to your room… NOW!" I said with a stern tone that I rarely used with the teenager.

Practically all of the fight seeped out of Toby's body as he said with a whine, "But Addy I just want to understand…"

"NO! I told you enough is enough! Now GO! GET YOUR ASS UPSTAIRS!" I yelled over his plea.

Toby started to walk towards the stairs as he said, "It's not fair! Why do YOU get to swear! Why do YOU get to decide when the argument is over? Why do **I** HAVE to go to my room? Why do YOU get to hide the truth?"

He paused at the bottom of the stairs, so I squared my shoulders and didn't mind that I might have had a smug look on my face as I replied, "Why? Well Toby it's because I'M the adult and you're sleeping under MY roof until your parents get back. When YOU start paying the bills, YOU get to make the rules Little Man." He opened his mouth to say something so I quickly added in a low, vicious tone, "How much detail do you want me to give your mother about your behavior these last couple of days when she asks how things went?"

The only response I got from him was a look of pure terror before he ran up the stairs to his room. I remained cemented in my place until I heard Toby slam his bedroom door shut. It only took a second for my steely exterior to shatter into a million pieces and I nearly felt like I could break down into tears.

 _Blackmail Addy? You're resorting to fucking blackmail now? Yeah… Right… You're the adult_ I thought to myself as I flopped onto the couch. _Real fucking mature…_

I sat there with my head in my hands and was just about to go upstairs to apologize to Toby when my phone rang. My hand was scooping up my cell off the coffee table before I could consciously stop myself as I answered it with a weary, "Hello?"

" _Hey Addy… Uhh… Is this a bad time? Am I interrupting something?"_

I couldn't keep myself from doing it so I let out an uncomfortable laugh as I replied, "Nothing important Sam, just an incredibly _mature_ (I made sure that word was dripping with sarcasm) screaming match that I was having with your nephew."

" _A fight with Toby? What about?"_ He asked sounding sad and distracted.

"Sam," I sighed out feeling utterly exhausted. "I'll give you two guesses and the first one doesn't count."

Sam had the decency to sound somewhat shocked when he said, _"He's still picking fights with you about your break up with Dean?"_

"Yeah he is… But please don't sound so surprised. Stubbornness… It kind of runs in the family, no?" Sam scoffed softly before I asked, "But I'm guessing that that isn't what you called to talk about, so let's drop it because it's old news. What's up with you?"

My phone beeped to tell me that I had another incoming call. I pulled my phone away to check the number and since I didn't recognize it I just let the call go to voicemail.

"… _So I was calling to find out if Toby's found anything to help me at all,"_ I heard him say once I got my cell back to my ear.

I swallowed hard to try to hide my guilt before attempting to respond, "He's trying Sam, I swear… But there's practically nothing in any of my books about a soul being pulled out of Hell when the physical body has been alive on Earth. He's still giving it his best efforts… And he's only mad at me… You and your brother are still in his good graces so he's really giving it his all."

" _Really? Even Dean since…?"_

"I haven't told him what… Why we called it quits. They have a good relationship so if anyone is going to ruin that by telling him the truth it can be your brother. Plus he's so pissed off at me right now, I'm not even sure he'd believe me if I did tell him."

Sam groaned but it sounded like it was more out of pain than sympathy causing me to say, "But seriously that's enough about me… How's that melon of yours? Lucifer still playing the part of 'world's most annoying little brother ever'?"

" _Yeah,"_ Sam answered with a surprised laugh. _"But it's okay. I've checked myself into somewhere safe for now."_

"Checked…? Sam where are you?" I asked sounding scarily maternal.

" _Psychiatric ward,"_ he answered almost as an afterthought.

I gasped softly and had to force myself to keep my voice from trembling as I questioned, "Which one Sam? Because some of them are just… Sammy where are you locked up? Tell me, please?"

" _Northern Indiana State Hospital,"_ he answered just over a whisper. _"And my phone time is up… If you…"_

"I know where to find you now… I promise I'll let you know," I replied in a rapid, nervous ramble. "Sammy? We're gonna fix this, I promise you that, okay? We'll fix everything somehow."

Sam said a quick "Thanks Addy" before the line went dead.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in a futile attempt to fight off the headache that was slowly starting to throb behind my eyes as my last two conversations caught up with me fast. Toby was beyond pissed off at me and I honestly couldn't totally blame him. I was hiding a huge secret from him and I knew that if roles were reversed that I would feel the exact same way he did right now. But the icing on the cake was what was happening to Sam. The last time I saw him he looked beyond terrible, so I couldn't even imagine how much worse Lucifer's efforts had gotten for Sam to have voluntarily put himself on lock down in the mental ward of a hospital.

I rarely, well I pretty much never, drank anything stronger than beer or wine when Toby was staying with me, but today felt like it could be an exception. I placed my phone back on the coffee table and moved over to my newly restocked liquor cabinet. After pouring myself a healthy serving, I placed the bottle to my lips for a long swallow. I then replaced the cork in the Glenlivet bottle, put it back on the shelf and carried my glass over to the couch with slow, lethargic steps.

 _Where do we even start?_ I questioned silently with my eyes closed. I opened them to pick up my glass but I immediately got side-tracked by the red flashing LED light on my cell. _What the fuck? They left me a voicemail? Who are you?_

My phone was ringing through to my voicemail by the time I got it to my ear. I wasn't sure whose voice I expected to hear, but I still let out a relieved sigh when I heard a familiar, gravelly voice saying, _"It's Mackey. Call me back as soon as you can."_

 _Short and sweet_ I thought to myself as I dialed his number with a chuckle.

" _Mackey."_

I started at the sound of his voice but tried not to let it show as I said, "Hey Mack, it's been a while… To what do I owe the honor? Err… Uhh… And… How's the eye doing?"

" _I'm good Addy Jones,"_ he answered in a tone that was sure to convey that 'catching up' wasn't his prime motivator for calling me. _"So I got a call from this guy who's looking for some help and he says that he knows Bobby Singer well enough to get my number from him…"_

I made sure to let him hear my sharp intake of breath before trying to casually say, "Really? Because that's a pretty heavy name to throw around… Especially since he's not around to defend himself to anyone and all."

" _And that's precisely why I called you. I seem to vaguely recall you mentioning this guy's name when we were… hanging out…"_ He paused there suddenly before adding, _"So this Dean guy called me because he's looking to heal someone… He said that he kind of got my number from Bobby, which got me thinking of 'the Dean' you talked about more than once… So…? Is he legit?"_

My mind was reeling with so many conflicting emotions that it was hard for me to sound pensive as I clarified, "This De- This guy…? The one that contacted you? Who was…? Who is he looking to heal?"

" _He mumbled something about Sam on his…"_

"He's LEGIT!" I inadvertently shouted in my haste. "He's totally legit and you're right… He's the guy you heard me talk about… So…? Mack…? Does that mean that you know a healer? Like a full blown, practically unnatural healer?"

Mackey laughed softly at my excited tone then answered, _"Yeah Addy I actually do… He fixed my eye and everything without asking for anything in return."_

My right hand smashed itself over my heart as I meekly asked, "But how…? Who…? Where…?"

" _All I know is that his name is Emmanuel… If you grab a pen and paper I'll give you his number,"_ the hunter continued in an unhurried tone.

"I've got a pen… Hit me Mack."

He then rattled off a bunch of numbers that would thankfully turn out to sound a lot like a phone number and address. When he was finished giving me that information Mackey solemnly asked, _"So Addy? This Dean guy? Is he worthy of me calling him back and giving him this information?"_

I hesitated for a second because I wanted Mackey's caller to suffer, but suddenly I heard myself questioning him, "Just to be doubly sure, what did he say that his number was?"

" _785-555-0128,"_ the hunter replied simply (and almost as if he had expected me to ask that question before now).

After making sure I had it recorded down on a note pad (not that I EVER planned on using the number, I just didn't want to always wonder if that unknown number on my screen was his or not) I hoarsely answered, "Yeah… Yeah, you should… Not that it holds much weight, but it would make me feel a thousand times better if you called him back as soon as possible. Sam deserves that much."

" _Okay,"_ Mackey replied thoughtfully. _"So he passed the tests and earned the info… No problem Addy, I'll call him once we hang up."_

I let out a sigh of relief before adding, "Thanks Mack. I swear anyway that I can do to make this up to you I will. Like… Booty call for life at least."

" _Really?"_ He questioned sound pretty sincere. _"Because I'm just outside of Cascade right now…"_

Unconsciously I stole a glance at the stairs to the second floor of my house because I had sort of meant my comment to just be a joke. I then replied without thinking while sounding quite excited and breathy, "You know the spare room in my garage? Call me when you get there."

I hung up before Mackey could say anything else and was moving towards the stairs. When I reached Toby's bedroom door I hesitated because the fact that he still chose my childhood bedroom as his own still wasn't lost on me. With that in mind I lost all of my previous anger to softly tap against his door quietly calling out, "Toby…? Tobs…?" When those two questions went unanswered I couldn't help but sound tearful when I tried again, "Toblerone…? Please Buddy open…"

Before I could finish my statement the door flew open so that I could see Toby's tear-streaked face. He moved as if he was going to wrap me in a hug but stopped himself quickly and I unfortunately did the same. We had a stupid mini-standoff at the door until Toby stepped back (with new tears sliding down his cheeks) to let me enter my old bedroom.

I unconsciously wrung my hands together before hurriedly saying, "So I just got a call from a hunter who thinks that he can help the guys…"

"Really!" Toby jumped in excitedly sounding like his cheeks weren't still moist with his tears. He then cast his eyes to the floor and sat down on his bed saying, "Because I'm still coming up with nothing but goose eggs."

I placed my hands on either side of his face to force eye contact as I replied, "I told you it would be tougher to find the answer to this than anything else we've ever researched, so don't get down on yourself, okay? But yeah… He thinks he has a viable lead."

Toby's eyes bugged out so I quickly added, "Buddy I need you to stay here, continuing your research, while I check up on this lead, okay? I'll only be away for like two hours or so… Are you fine staying here on your own for that long?"

He was already heading over towards his desk where he kept his laptop as he distractedly answered, "Yeah… Sure… No problem Addy."

When I reached the top of the stairwell I tried to remind myself that Toby's 'indifference' was a welcomed relief from his usual rapid fire questions and not an anomaly for me to figure out right now. Instead I was happy to take it as our way of calling a truce, at least for the time being. As luck would have it, it only took my downing two full tumblers of scotch before I heard Mackey's truck pulling into my back yard. I swallowed a third glassful before rushing out the backdoor to meet him as he exited his truck.

Mackey knew my rules so I had no qualms about leaving him passed out in a blissful daze on the bed in the garage while I quickly dressed and went inside. I didn't want Toby to ever be a witness to this side of me, so I wanted to get back in the house as soon as possible. I locked the new deadbolt of the reinforced aluminum door at the rear of my house before quickly checking the front door as well. I even double checked the Devil's Traps at each door because I was feeling the usual paranoia that haunted me whenever I had unfinished business that I was ignoring. Mackey understood our relationship perfectly which was made clear as I watched his truck retreat down my driveway the next morning. We had our fun last night, so now we were both ready to continue with our daily routines.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and by the time I got back to the living room to read I noticed that I had a voice mail waiting for me. I was more than surprised to hear Mackey's voice coming through my phone saying, _"It was great seeing you again Addy. Don't be a stranger"_ because he was more of the strong silent type who didn't really admit that he wanted to stay connected to anyone.

"Who…?" Toby started to ask when he got into the living room. He shook his head and muttered "Forget it" before asking "Is there any coffee left?"

"Of course… I made a fresh pot," I answered meekly. I followed him into the kitchen as I asked, "Did you want me to whip something up to eat for breakfast?"

Toby shook his head then said, "No that's okay. I'll just have cereal… Thanks anyway."

I watched him get his meal together while I stayed by the coffee pot, sipping from my mug. Once he was settled at the kitchen table, I placed my mug on the island and leaned with my elbows on top of it saying, "I was listening to a voicemail from Mackey."

He swallowed his mouthful then asked, "Who's he? I mean… I don't remember ever hearing you talk about him at all."

"He's a hunter that I've known for a while. He's the one that had the information about the healer," I answered while taking a seat across from him. "I haven't really worked with him much so I probably haven't really mentioned his name at all."

"And this healer…? Do you think they're for real?"

I could tell that Toby was trying not to get too hopeful, so I made sure that there wasn't a hint of doubt in my voice when I replied, "Sounds like it to me. Mack had actually sort of semi-retired for a while because he was losing sight in one of his eyes. He contacted the healer, put him through all of the usual tests and well… Now he has perfect vision in both eyes."

"Wow… Really?" He asked in wide-eyed awe. "So do you really think that this could work for Sam?"

I shrugged then honestly answered, "I'm not sure, but there's no harm in trying, right?"

"Right." We sat in silence finishing out coffees when Toby cleared his throat loudly then quietly said, "I'm sorry Addy."

His apology caught me so off guard that I just stared at him and forced the liquid I had in my mouth down my throat.

"I should have respected your wishes and dropped the subject of your break up with Dean," he continued with tears welling up in his eyes. "And I'm sorry for swearing at you. I know Mom hates it when people cuss, but I was just so angry. I hate seeing you get hurt."

Tears trickled down Toby's cheeks so I got up and wrapped him in a tight hug as I replied, "Hey… Shh… Don't cry Buddy." I kissed his forehead and looked him straight in the eye. "And thank you for the apology. I hate it when we fight."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head against my stomach. "Yeah, me too. I promise I won't bring it up anymore and that I'll watch my language so that Mom won't get mad and take my researching privileges away."

"Thanks Toby… And as much as I appreciate you worrying about me, you really don't have to… Especially this time." He sat back so I reached out and held his face and stroked his cheeks with my thumbs. "I'm okay Toby. I've moved on and I can accept that that chapter of my life is over. So no worries, okay?"

"No…" He replied sounding deadly serious. I started to mentally prepare myself for yet another argument when his lips pulled back into a playful smirk. "I get to worry about you a little bit, remember?"

Toby flashed me a wicked grin and I really hoped that he wouldn't see how much he reminded me of his father. But his words truly were beyond touching so I pulled him into another hug nearly whispering, "I remember Buddy… I remember."

I forced myself to let him go because I was worried that if I kept him wrapped in my arms any longer that I would break down into tears. I started clearing the table to keep myself busy as I asked, "So what do you have on tap today Buddy?"

He met me by the dishwasher to load his bowl and mug answering, "I finished all of my homework last night, so I was thinking that I'd keep looking into helping Sam… You know just in case the healer can't help and all."

Toby leaned over to kiss my cheek then turned to leave, but I stopped him by calling out, "Hey Toby…? I was thinking… If you wanted to take a break from research that we could maybe watch a movie or something…?"

"Yeah… Sure… Maybe later we could do that."

Things between Toby and me were awkward for a while, but we eventually were able to get things back to being close to our old relationship. Everything had actually become so comfortable between us that Toby started hanging out at my house after school to do research on the days that he didn't have baseball practice or homework. I let him do most of the online searches while I stuck to sifting through my library and news channels to find new hunts or information about Leviathans.

"Hey Addy? I think I found something…"

I perked up in my seat on the couch because I knew that it most likely meant that he had found a job for me to work. Sam had called to tell me that 'Emmanuel' actually turned out to be our favorite angel, Castiel. The eldest Winchester was able to convince the angel to try his best to heal Sam when Castiel initially had been reluctant to do so. He didn't get overly specific with the details (and from the sound of Sam's voice I assumed that that was because he didn't have them) but at first Castiel couldn't rebuild the wall that Death had erected, so the angel took on Sam's psychosis himself. None of us understood how that worked, so Toby and I abandoned our research on fixing a damaged soul (because really if we couldn't find anything when it came to humans, what were the chances we'd find anything relevant on the topic when it came to angels?) and focused our attention on Dick Roman's strange activities. Anytime either of us got too frustrated (well mostly just me because when it came to research Toby could sometimes care less where it led, he just loved the journey) with solving the enigma that was the Leviathan's master plans, Toby and I would try to find a hunt close to home that I could work to calm my nerves.

"So there was this weird death down in Kansas… In the woods," Toby started as he brought up a few different web pages up on his computer screen. "The police think that it might be an animal attack, but that doesn't very likely to me."

He seemed to get distracted by something that he was reading on the screen, so I stepped up behind him asking, "Why couldn't it have been an animal attack if he was killed in some random part of the forest? That seems like a reasonable explanation to me."

If Toby said that an animal wasn't to blame for the death I believed him, but I still liked to test him by having him explain his reasoning to me. His focus remained solely on whatever article he was reading, so he actually jumped when I touched his shoulder in an attempt to gain his undivided attention. Toby then turned around in his chair to face me with a sheepish shrug and an apologetic smile.

"Sorry Addy… You were asking why I thought that, right?" I nodded and made myself comfortable in my La-Z-Boy recliner so that I could face him while I listened. "Well there was only one victim out of a group of like five of them at the campground. What animal will only kill one person and without making any attempts to hurt any of the others when they were really close by? That just doesn't sound right to me."

"Huh… That sounds pretty logical to me. Did you find anything else in any of the articles that might help with this case?" I asked with proud smile.

Toby's face lit up before he excitedly rambled off, "Actually yeah I did! I managed to find this urban legend that's really popular in the area. Depending on who you talk to it can change a bit but the consensus in all of the different versions is that a girl named Jenny Greentree died in the woods so now she haunts them."

"Any history of deaths in that area that fit this pattern?" I questioned hopefully.

"Oh… Umm…" He replied looking mildly panicked. "I'm not sure… I mean I didn't really look for any yet… But an angry spirit does seem to fit the suspect profile pretty good… Crap… And I… I know that that isn't the proper way to do research… I'm…"

"Hey! Hey! Don't you dare start that now Toby!" I jumped in quickly when he started to sound too similar to how I did when I was his age and Sydney had berated me for 'lazy' work, even though I had actually found the answer. "That was a really good… No that was an awesome find and we're just at the beginning of all of this, so no apologies okay?" I jumped in to reassure him. "Why don't you keep sifting through that pile of information that I know that you still have to go through while I pack?"

He gave me an uneasy smile then said, "Sure… Yeah I can do that and after you drop me off at home; I'll keep looking even deeper into the legend and stuff while you drive there."

I walked up to him and kissed the side of his head replying, "Sounds perfect to me Tobs."

Since the last death happened at night and spirits seemed to always be more active after darkness has fallen, I decided to head directly to the scene to check for any other spirit activity. Even though this was the best time of day for this part of the investigation, it definitely wasn't the ideal conditions to find the location. I followed the tire grooves in the dirt that created the only route in or out of this part of the woods. That path gave way to a one lane road that had a couple of clearings poking through sporadically which made it easy to see why so many people would come up here to camp, morbid curiosity of possibly seeing the ghost of Jenny Greentree notwithstanding.

I wasn't sure which exact small access road I was looking for until I saw a large, black quad-cab pickup truck parked near where I thought I needed to be. The distance fit the directions I had coaxed out of one of the locals and it seemed pretty logical that thrill seekers would be even more drawn to the area after the most recent death. As I pulled in behind the truck, cut my GTO's engine and turned off my headlights I couldn't decide what I was hoping. On one hand it would be nice if the looky-loos hadn't heard me drive up so I could sneak up on them and get the truth out of them about what they had seen or heard after I had surprised them, but on the other hand it wouldn't be the worst thing if they did hear me and just took off before they got hurt or worse.

After pulling out a heavy duty flashlight and my favorite piece of iron downpipe, I slowly made my way to the driver's side door. Even if I did decide that I wanted to scare these idiots off, I didn't want to spook them prematurely because that had landed me in a situation with me ducking buck shot more than once in the past. Thankfully my shallow breathing was the only sound that filled my ears when I reached the door handle.

Borrowing a move that officers from coast to coast adored to use on me in order to interrupt any much needed naps that I dared to take on the side of the road, I tapped the glass with the butt end of my flashlight. I waited for the count of five but heard no movement inside so I rapped against the window with three slower, more insistent taps. The air remained still so I clicked the mag flashlight on with it facing the ground and took in a deep calming breath. In one fluid motion I pulled the door open and pointed the bright light into the cab in the hopes that I would take anyone that was inside by surprise.

When I found nothing but empty air, I actually sighed out a relieved breath. As I laughed nervously to myself, I quickly swept the light beam over the bench seat to see what lay there. I had no idea if this truck had anything to with the job or not but I couldn't not check it out. Call it a paranoid habit, but I didn't make it this far without being cautious or wary of anything that appeared to be far from completely normal.

In the foot well on the passenger side, I found an empty mickey size bottle of bourbon, then another on the passenger seat and a third half-full bottle of the same size on the driver's seat. I reached to pick up the discarded cell phone that rested with the bourbon bottles thinking _Here's hoping they didn't hear me. No one should be driving with this much alcohol in…_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NAAAAAHHHH!" A male's wordless then strangled cry pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Fuck!" I muttered as my left hand squeezed the iron pipe tightly.

As I made my way towards what I hoped was the origin of the sound, I felt an icy cold breeze pass by my right cheek and my EMF meter spiked for a brief moment. I paused to slip the pipe under my arm pit, so that I could pull out the EMF meter and check for another reading. When it remained silent I continued into the darkness to see if I could find the new victim.

In order to keep from tripping I had to keep my flashlight facing my feet so the only thing that alerted me to the location of the body was another quick spike from the EMF meter as I walked away from the truck. I didn't bother delaying the inevitable and quickly raised the light beam into the air. When I saw the blood dripping from the victim's foot, I sighed loudly because there was nothing I hated more than being this close to saving someone and failing. But I couldn't let myself dwell on that right now because I had to figure out how to stop this from happening to anyone else.

"Greentree," I whispered out loud. I looked up the full length of the bloody corpse above me and sincerely said, "I'm so sorry, but I promise you… This ends here."

As I passed by the empty truck, I got the stupidest idea I had ever had in my life. I slipped my shirt sleeve over my hand and picked up the cell phone that I assumed belonged to the newly departed and dialed 911.

" _911 Emergency. Do you need Police, Fire or Ambulance?"_

I made sure that I sounded as breathy and scared as I could while I conjured up a few tears and replied hurriedly, "I'm at… At Widow's Peak… Oh God… I think he's… He's dead… Oh God… Oh God…"

" _Who's dead?"_ The female voice asked in a kind, firm voice.

I mustered up a few more tears and distractedly mumbled, "I didn't think she was real… He said he was going to find her… Oh God… His truck…"

With that I terminated the call, wiped down the phone and dropped it where I originally found it. There was only one cemetery in town so I made that my next stop. If it really was Jenny Greentree offing stupid teenagers that knew her legend and should have known better than to tempt fate, then burning her bones should solve everything.

Luckily I didn't expect this job to be that easy (because seriously… Nothing in my life was that simple, especially at this point in time) so I wasn't surprised by what I found once I got to the cemetery. The grave I was looking for was open, which was wrong (if it was a civilian that did it) or extremely sloppy (if it was a hunter that was to blame). I stared down at the still smoldering bones and let out every expletive I knew in every language I had bothered to learn them in as I walked back to my car because there was no way that Jenny Greentree was the culprit I sought, so now I had to start from the beginning.

 _Fuck! Down to square one! Square fucking one!_ I screamed to myself over and over as I got ready for the new day. _Fuck! Now where do I start?_

I was still trying to keep myself as composed as possible to keep from drawing attention to myself in the parking lot of my motel as I made my way to Phantom when I heard, "Addy…" The male voice nearly turned giddy as he asked, "Is that really you Adelaide Jones?"

Just hearing his voice let me know who had call out to me which made me laugh to myself quietly. I still had a bright grin on my face when I turned and looked over at him to reply, "Why yes it most certainly is Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth." I dropped my bag by my car to rush forward to hug him asking, "So if you aren't shipping out soon, what the hell does this uniform have to do with this job?"

Garth looked down the length of his body then shrugged replying, "Nothing really in particular, but I figured that when Sam and Dean got here that they'd go Fed, so I wanted to try something different with the Coroner."

I swallowed my clarifying question of 'Sam and Dean Winchester?' in exchange for "Well you do look pretty good in uniform… And if you're heading to the morgue then I guess that means that I can focus my attention elsewhere."

"Really?" He asked almost jubilantly.

"Yeah," I answered suppressing a laugh. "So you go find out what you can there and…"

Garth smiled brightly as he interrupted, "Then we can regroup here to go over everything that I've found out so we can exterminate whatever it really is."

I gave him nothing more than a tight smile and a nod because I wasn't sure that I was ready to work with the Winchesters just yet. Garth might have tried calling out to me to confirm his plan, but I got into my car before I had a chance to hear him. I wanted nothing more than to pack my bags into my car and leave, but I couldn't risk looking like a coward again. Plus Garth wasn't aware of my new relationship status and I didn't want to do anything to draw his attention to us any more than we were going to just by being around each other.

The police weren't able to give me any information that I didn't already know. In fact when it came to the second victim I was pretty sure that I knew more than the local authorities because there had definitely been something out in the woods that night. I had no doubt in my mind that I had felt a spirit's presence out there but I still had no leads on its origins.

On my way back to my car Garth called me with his latest update from the morgue. The three of them were able to find a link from the two bodies to the local brewery which had a death that may or may not be a good candidate for an angry spirit. They were going to try to find out more, so Garth invited me back to his room to help him with research. Since his exact words were 'Maybe you could help me dig a bit deeper into this guy's past or something', I eagerly agreed to return to the motel as quickly as possible.

After changing out of my navy pant suit into jeans and a teal light weight, long sleeve sweater, I found myself standing in front of Garth's door and knocked on it softly. The door opened and I could hear Garth talking so I stepped in to find out what he was trying to tell me, but then I saw them. The Winchesters were in his room. Sam closed the door behind me saying a quick 'Hi', but Dean just ignored my presence (or so it seemed) as he drank from his flask. I turned back towards the door to leave then stopped to silently correct myself and turned back to face the room once again.

Garth nodded in my direction as he said, "Now two kids get ganked by unknown freakadeek."

I stayed behind Sam to read whatever was on his laptop in the hopes that I could learn about whatever they knew as Sam said, "According to this, Dale wasn't just a partner. He was also the 'Brewmaster'."

"'Brewmaster'?" Dean called out from his spot with disdain.

I was concentrating so hard on the article in front of me that I didn't even notice that I was answering his question when I commented, "It means that he came up with all of the different blends for each of their ales and lagers."

Sam nodded in agreement and added, "He was widely considered a genius."

"All right, that's it," Dean replied as he stood up and stalked over to the bar. "No microbrew is worth… What is it…? Eight 'Food Magazine' awards?" He pulled out a few bottles of beer and then handed one to each of us, miraculously myself included. "Beer's not food. It's… Whatever water is."

I popped the cap off my beer replying with a laugh, "Well they don't make a 'Beverage Magazine', so food and beverages always get lumped together."

"Hmm… Thighslapper…" Dean mused before he took a drink from his bottle. "Wow… That's actually awesome. Damn it, I'm not even mad anymore."

My cheeks burned under a blush because I wasn't sure if he just meant about the beer or if he meant about other areas of our… HIS life. Either way I wasn't going to ask him any questions to get him to clear my questions up, so I once kept my concentration securely focused on Sam's laptop's screen. I couldn't really tell you what was happening in the room so I didn't know if I was interrupting anything when I tapped Sam on the shoulder, pointed to a specific part of a paragraph and whispered for him to check it out.

I then pointedly kept my attention on my beer and then tried to navigate through the article over Sam's shoulder while they all continued their back and forth. _Okay so he 'quits'_ I reasoned to myself while savoring my beverage. _Then he kills himself and becomes an angry spirit. Okay. Yeah that fits the MO… But how'd he follow both brothers into the woods? I didn't find anything out there that should tie him to that particular part of the forest._ I stared down at the beer bottle in my hands shifting my thoughts. _Huh… Could he have done something to attach himself to the beer_ _bottles? Or…_ (I forced myself to swallow the liquid in my mouth and instantly felt queasy so I put the mostly full bottle onto the table.) _Or did he do something to the beer batches themselves? Ugh… Gross… Gross… Wait! No… In the truck… There…_

" _Unit to McCann residence. 698 Washburn,"_ the voice of a police dispatcher cut-in through my thoughts.

Sam looked up from his computer to ask, "'McCann residence'? As in Jim McCann?"

"As in, let's hope for their sake our spirito ain't made it out of the woods," Garth replied before he poured himself off his bar stool. "All right. Let's go check it."

"Uhh… You guys go. I'm gonna visit the widow," Sam said from his spot at the table.

The Winchesters exchanged a look and after Sam gave his brother a triumphant smile, the eldest turned his eyes to me. Garth was already out the door, so I tilted my head towards him saying, "He shouldn't be driving and if you're with him then it's only fair that Sam gets some back up too."

Although he didn't seem happy about it, Dean nodded then left the room. I gave it a couple of seconds and then I turned to follow him out the door but was stopped by Sam grabbing my arm softly asking, "Addy?"

I shook my head then quietly countered, "Sam? Two on one or one on one…? What do you think will make her less defensive?" He thought about it then opened his mouth to reply so I added, "Woman scorned plus grieving widow who lost her true love…? Do you really want to get caught in the middle of that Bitchfest during a job?"

"Addy…" Sam tried again sounding overly supportive.

I kept my eyes on my hand that was on the door knob as I said, "Sam… Just… You'll be better at playing sympathetic than I will right now…" I then forced myself to look up at him as I quietly admitted, "I haven't met a woman yet that has had the willpower to resist the Sam Winchester charm when you really turn it on. You flash her your 'I'm here for you' smile and she'll be putty in your hands… Plus this way I can find out if Toby has come up with anything for us yet."

I could tell that he wanted to protest but instead he just squeezed my arm and replied, "Yeah that makes sense. Make sure to say hi to Toby for me."

Back in my room I got down to work right away in order to keep my mind from straying away to more unpleasant topics than the two recent murders in the McCann family. As I typed on my laptop, the fact that the topic of two deaths of complete strangers was more appealing to me than thinking of the man that left with Garth nearly caused me to laugh at the lunacy of it. But I had never claimed to be normal, so I tried to just take this in stride like I had every other weird thing in my life as well.

" _Addy! Hey! How are things going in Kansas?"_ Toby's excited voice greeted me on the phone.

I laughed quietly then answered, "Frustrating as usual. I thought you had this one all figured out, but when I got here I found out that another hunter was here with the same theory. He did a pretty good salt and burn…"

" _But there was another murder in the woods,"_ Toby interrupted with a hint of panic.

"I know Buddy and I swear it has to be a spirit of some kind, but I'm hitting a brick wall here. Garth, that's the other hunter, he's checking a lead now, so I was kind of hoping I could get you to help me," I replied with a soft, placating tone.

I could hear Toby move around his room before he said, _"Of course I'll help. What do you need me to look into since Jenny Greentree seems to be a dead end?"_

"You know me too well," I answered humorously. "I was hoping that you could work your Toby magic and see what you can find out about Dale Lampert. He apparently died by committing suicide, but exact details on how and where have been hard to dig up…"

" _Alright… Dale Lampert… I have something here saying he works… No wait… He worked for Thighslapper Ale… Is that the guy you're talking about?"_

"Yeah, that's him. He was also a co-owner."

" _Okay this is definitely him. Give me a couple of hours and I'll call you if I find something worthwhile, okay?"_

That of course was more than alright to me, so I said a quick goodbye adding, "Call me even if it doesn't seem worthwhile." We then exchanged our usual 'I love yous' before I turned my attention back to my computer. I stayed on my bed searching through different websites until my back muscles started to cramp and hurt. While I was stretching and trying to get my circulation going again, I started wondering if we were being too specific by trying to find a person that was the origin of all of this. In the back of my mind I kept thinking that sometimes places or events could spawn negative energy that on the rarest of occasions could manifest themselves as angry entities.

While I was looking into this new angle I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew Garth was pounding on my room door calling out my name at the top of his lungs.

"I think it might be at the brewery," he explained as he guzzled down a mini-bar sized bottle of booze then threw it 'touch-down style' to the ground. "It's probably going after Baxter's son."

He moved around my room in a bit of a blur and I barely had a chance to catch up with his last statements before he asked in shocked dismay, "Don't you have any alcohol in this place?"

I automatically walked over to the dresser and pulled out a bottle of wine and a bottle of Glenlivet scotch from the middle drawer to show him. He smiled brightly then tugged on my arm saying, "Good… Good… Leave the wine but bring the scotch." I nodded while following his instructions and then it hit me that I had no idea why he was so frantic. I mean this was Garth and I was actually letting him call the shots and yet it felt right. He caught onto my hesitation right away and quickly added as he tossed my keys at my face, "You drive while I explain."

Once we both were settled in my car, I laughed to myself then said, "This new lady in your life has done wonders for you. Don't you dare fuck this up with her Garth… You hear me?"

He answered by swallowing down another tiny bottle of liquor before he hastily recounted the chain of events that led us to this point. The Winchesters found a box that contained a spirit that Dale had captured into order to get back at his partners for pushing him out of the company. This revenge seemed to be taking the form of the spirit killing McCann's and Baxter's children, which was why we were heading to the brew house right now, to save the son that no one but Baxter was aware of. That relationship hit more than close to home for me so I was happy to help keep him alive for something he was solely pulled into because of an absentee father that he may never know existed.

Garth dropped another petite bottle that he had emptied at his feet, causing me to ask as I parked in the lot at the brewery, "Okay… Fine but what's up with all of the little sample sized bottles you're knocking back there?"

"It's a Shojo Addy!" Garth replied as if that should make perfect sense to me. "You have to be drunk to see it!" I continued staring at him, so Garth shoved the bottle of scotch into my hand forcefully instructing, "Drink this then go through the back and look for a blond guy named 'Lee'. I'll call Dean to update him before I go in!"

He was out of the car before I could say anything else, so I just popped the cork out of the bottle and reasoned with myself, "You've heard crazier theories Addy… Bottoms up!"

The floor was barely starting to spin as I finished the bottle of scotch and then I threw it to the warehouse's concrete floor without caring about the mess I made. My coordination didn't last as I continued towards Sam's voice, but he was quickly silenced by a petite woman with long black hair in a tattered white dress. She easily threw him into the wall before I could even attempt to stop her, not that I truly knew how to keep her from hurting him.

I watched Sam crumple into a ball on the ground at the hand of the Shojo while I drunkenly screamed his name in terror. When she turned her attention towards me, I tried my best to run away but I immediately felt a cold hand grasping the hair at the back of my head.

Just as the spirit smashed my forehead against one of the kegs on the shelf across from the wall I head Sam's brother yell to someone, "Get back!"

"Bitch!" I cried out as I struggled against the Shojo's hold after she's hit my head at least twice against the metal barrel. She seemed to gain some strength and then she smacked my forehead against the keg once more with a forceful blow that rendered my consciousness completely black.

The next thing I remembered hearing before I surrendered completely to an all-encompassing blackness was the elder Winchester's voice almost tearfully asking, "Bobby? Are you here? Come on… Do something."

I woke up briefly when Dean picked me up off the warehouse floor as he whispered into my ear, "It's okay Lay, I've got you… There you go… Just put your arms around my… Good girl… I've got you." He shifted me in his arms and once I tucked my head under his chin he yelled, "Sam…? Sam!"

"Yeah, I'm here," the younger brother answered from somewhere behind Dean.

I went completely limp and lost all consciousness until I woke up on the bed in my motel room feeling way too hot for my clothing. As I struggled with my coordination I was suddenly stopped by someone or something from slipping out of my jeans and sweater like I desperately wanted to do. My mind was too tired to press the subject because something deep down inside told me that it was better to remain fully clothed right now anyways. Even though my brain was cloaked in a haze of booze and pain from the head injury, I still somehow felt completely safe and secure even though all of my training told me that I shouldn't.

During the night in my 'dreams' I not only tried to call Toby to explain everything that had actually happened, but I also tried to call the local authorities to let them know that everything that had happened was completely over as well. When that dream was over I instantly found myself running to the bathroom and expelling everything that I had ingested during the day into my motel room's toilet. Without my intervention my hair was pulled away from my face into a loose ponytail many times during the night while I returned to the bathroom to expel whatever contents were left in my stomach into the toilet bowl. But the last dream I remember having was me being carried in some guy's arms to my bed and being laid out with my head on the pillow.

When I woke up out of my drunken stupor, I immediately smelled a familiar scent coming from my "pillow". I affectionately rubbed my left cheek against the material of what I thought was my pillow until I realized I was actually in one of my imagined worse case scenarios. I had sought 'comfort' from many a hunter other than Dean Winchester in the past, so it wasn't unusual to wake up with someone, well some random guy, in my bed when I was on the road. But just by scent alone I knew that it was the eldest Winchester brother that I was snuggling up against right now. When I realized that I froze immediately in my spot even though I knew there was no way that he couldn't have felt my movements.

I heard him take in a deep breath (almost as if he was still waking himself up) and then he petted my hair as he quietly (and somewhat affectionately) said, "Morning Sleeping Beauty."

 _Shit… SHIT! I slept with HIM last night! Wait… WAIT! You didn't do anything more than use him as a pillow, right? Still fully clothed Addy… Both of you…_ I thought to myself in a panic before I pushed myself off of his chest. I tried to whip myself around so that I would be sitting up with my legs hanging over the edge, but my movements were too quick so I ended up with my hands digging into my hair to steady my head instead. Dean leaned forward to reach out to me but he stopped himself when I curled further into myself in my spot where I was now sitting, groaning through the pain in my head.

I let out a particularly loud groan then very slowly straightened myself up saying, "Remind me to punch Garth in the throat the next time I see him." Dean was on his feet in front of me and he quirked a questioning eyebrow to me as he handed me a glass of water. "Thanks… And yeah I totally owe him because he talked me into drinking a whole fucking bottle of scotch… Fuck… I swore that I would never ever do that again after… Well you know…"

Dean let out a soft, almost uncomfortable chuckle as he sat down on the bed to my left, leaving a large gap between us. There was a spot on my forehead that was burning so much that I instinctively touched it gently with the fingertips of my right hand. When I pulled my hand back I noticed that there was a small bit of blood on my fingertips. I moved to stand up but was thankfully stopped by Dean who placed a firm hand on my right shoulder as he gently cleaned my cut with a wet facecloth.

"Or your headache might have had something to do with the Shojo trying to dent a metal keg with your head Lay," he commented humorously.

"Oh shit! The Shojo! Is she…? Is HE…?" I asked distractedly while Dean worked at cleaning and dressing the wound on my forehead.

He chuckled softly then took a step back to look down at me as he replied, "I ganked the Shojo and other than being a little more than freaked the fuck out, Baxter's son is absolutely fine." I nodded then swallowed hard as he ran his fingertips over the perimeter of the Band-Aid he had place on my head. "It might still sting a little, but the cut really isn't all that deep or bad. I brought some pain killers over just in case you needed them because I wasn't sure if you would have any with you or not."

I nearly sighed with relief at the way he and I seemed to be as nervous as I felt, but I didn't acknowledge it and just picked up the pill bottle resting on the night stand saying, "I definitely don't have anything as good as these in my bag. These are like magic…" I forced myself to make eye contact with him but as soon as our eyes locked my words got stuck in my throat. I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down so I tried again to thank him. But what came out instead was a quick, "I really need to go to the bathroom."

With that I stood up and nearly ran into the small bathroom. After I slammed the door shut I had to resist the urge to bang my head against it to keep from causing more damage to my face right now. Even though it looked like I was trying to run away from him, my body was quick to remind me that I wasn't actually lying to him when I said I need to use the facilities.

I finally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I washed my hands and I couldn't have held back the groan that tumbled out of me even if I had tried. The cut must have been fairly small because it had only taken a regular sized Band-Aid to cover it even though the small bruises I had acquired were scattered all over my cheeks and forehead. My hair was tangled mess from my restless sleep and numerous trips to the toilet during the night. By the time I was done taming and smoothing my hair out, I felt like I had ripped more than half of my hair out of my head with the brush.

After washing my face and replacing the wet bandage on my head, I checked out my reflection once again. With my hair now tamed, I thought that I looked perfectly presentable. Well at least the bruises that were pretty dark but something like that had never fazed either of us in the past, so I didn't really worry about them now.

I smoothed down my shirt then opened the door saying, "So I'm pretty sure I…"

I stopped in my spot and quickly scanned the room, but it was no use, the main room was completely empty. He must have slipped out when I shut myself off in the bathroom. I cursed under my breath, but none of my frustration was directed at him. He had spent the night with me to make sure that I would actually wake up in the morning and did I do? I freaked out and made it look like I didn't appreciate his efforts.

I didn't bother changing, even though my shirt had droplets of blood all over the front of it, because I wanted to get to Garth's room as soon as possible to try to fix this situation. My heart sank when I saw that Garth's car was gone and I was reminded that I hadn't paid attention to what car the Winchesters were using right now, so I couldn't be sure that they were still here. I kept my eyes on the parking lot as I moved towards the room on the other side of the cement wall to my right and caught the faint sounds of male voices.

Without worrying about what conversation I might be interrupting, I knocked on the door with a shaking hand, nut it still sounded somewhat confident. Dean opened the door still facing Sam, while I was knocking, saying "All right" to his brother, but he fell mute when he saw me standing in front of him.

He continued to stare at me, so I hesitantly nodded towards the inside of the room for silent permission to enter. When he caught on to my question he quickly moved out of the way to let me pass by. Once I was in the room Dean busied himself with packing a couple of things into his bag on the couch while Sam and I exchanged nervous smiles. I wanted to get my apology slash thank you out, but I had momentarily forgotten that that would mean I would be doing it with Sam as my audience when I had 'forced' my way into their room.

 _Get over it Addy. You owe him this much after what he did last night._ I forcefully reminded myself why I was here before saying, "So you took off so fast that I didn't get a chance to thank you. Between the booze and the head injury I'm pretty sure that I would have died from choking on my own vomit or something. And given our… Well… Anyway you really didn't have to babysit me, but I'm really grateful that you did." We all stood there in silence for a moment until I added under my breath, "Now cue the awkwardness once again."

Sam let out a soft chuckle then said (when his brother and I gave him a look for laughing) "What? It's just that Dean and I thought that things would be less awkward if he spent the night with you since… Weill since he KNOWS you and all…"

"Sam," I laughed out as I gently slapped his arm. "But I don't think you guys were wrong. Thanks again. I uhh… I guess that I'll be seeing you guys around then."

"I guess you will," Sam answered because Dean had opted to remain silent.

I made it to the door and stopped with my hand on the knob to turn and face the brothers again. I kept my eyes trained on the eldest but tried to make it sound like I was speaking to both of the Winchesters, "You guys should really try harder to answer your voicemails. Toby's done some pretty solid research on Dick Roman and… Well… He really misses talking with you… Both of you guys… So when you get a chance, you should call him… I mean if you want to and all…" I opened the door then called out around the lump in my throat, "Thanks again."

After the door closed behind me, Sam gaped at his brother in shock then asked, "You haven't talked to Toby since we left Iowa?"

"Nope," Dean replied non-committedly. Sam gave his brother an unimpressed look so Dean added sounding overly defensive, "Look I figured that he wouldn't want to talk to me after she told him everything that had happened."

Sam let out a quiet laugh then countered as he shook his head, "No… Addy hasn't told him about why you aren't together. She thinks you two have a good thing going and she doesn't think it would be fair for her to ruin it for you guys."

"Really?" Dean replied sounding like he didn't actually believe what he had heard come out of his brother's mouth.

Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he answered, "Really. They've even had a few screaming matches because Addy's refused to tell him. I'm pretty sure the only fights the two of them have had lately have been about her not telling Toby why you two called it quits."

"Shit," Dean cursed under his breath as he zipped up his bag and turned to face his brother. Sam gave Dean and expectant look so Dean quickly replied, "Fine… Fine… I'll call him… During our next pit stop, okay? Well, you want to grab some brunch and some brews in the meantime?"

Sam shook his head while hefting his bags onto his shoulder answering with a groan, "Ugh, no. I'm so hung over. Let's just hit the road."

"All right," Dean replied with a smile as he opened the door and motioned for Sam to lead the way to the car.


	36. That Never Really Had a Name

_**I was curled up on the couch with an oversized fleece blanket wrapped tightly around my crossed legs while I continued reading in the den in virtual darkness. It was a rare occasion for me to have the house all to myself without there being any outstanding research or homework waiting for me to finish, so I took this opportunity to get caught up on some recreational reading instead. I of course made sure to keep the land line and my cell phone close by in case my Mum called and needed any help with research for the case than she was currently working with my dad. Despite his numerous protests I knew that no hunter worth their salt would be surprised if their job took an unexpected turn and might need someone at home that could help to shed some light on their situation.** _

_**My Mum had tried to talk me into going on this hunt with them, but tensions were still extremely and uncomfortably high between my father and I, so I declined… emphatically, numerous times when she and I were alone. I figured that it would be best if they worked this job on their own since I was still trying to readjust to living at home again after being away for months while I awaited the inevitable time where I gave birth to my first child. My dad seemed to be more than excited to head out (alone) with my Mum and I was praying that if they were solo and everything went well on this hunt that things would be less stressful between us all when they got back.** _

_**It was getting so dark that I was forced to turn on a lamp beside the couch so that I could see the smallish type face on the pages of my novel. Since my parents had just headed out that morning for this current job, I wasn't too worried about getting into trouble like I had in the past from my dad for falling asleep on the den's couch and I soon found myself laying down across the cushions to use the arm of the chesterfield as a pillow. As soon as I was laying down flat, my book was completely forgotten and I let it fall to the floor so that I could pull my blanket up to my chin up to my in an attempt to get even more comfortable.** _

_**Reluctantly I released my hold on my blanket to reach up and turn off the light in order to actually fall asleep, but I froze mid-motion when I heard a loud and deliberate THUMP at the kitchen door. I then very carefully reached under the couch for the shotgun that I had stashed there earlier in the day just in case anything unexpected happened before my parents got back home.** _

_**My house was thankfully completely shrouded in a black darkness so that I could move easily through the main floor rooms undetected. As I approached the backdoor, I stole a glance out of the kitchen window and could just barely make out that there was now another vehicle that did not belong in my yard parked beside my GTO. Between the night having fallen and the dark color of whatever vehicle was not out there, I couldn't tell if it should be familiar to me or not, so I continued to proceed towards the backdoor while using the same extreme caution that I was taught to use if it was a foe that was near my door.** _

_**I crouched down so that I was below eye level of the door knob while I strained to listen for any other noises outside because I hadn't hear anything since the initial THUMP that had awoken me initially and I wanted to make sure I wasn't just hearing things during my first stay home alone in years. As I strained to listen for any other sounds on the steps, I jumped slightly when I heard a painfully distinct knock on the door. Since it wasn't likely that someone, or something, that wanted to shoot any of us through the door to take us out would knock first, I stood up (much to my knees relief) to peer through the window near the top of the door.** _

_**Whomever was standing on the other side of the door was slumped over so much that I couldn't only see the top of his head. While I tried to get a glimpse of him he knocked again and then I just barely made out a muffled and frustrated, "Come on… I saw your car…"** _

_**Even after he spoke I couldn't quite tell who it was, so I didn't feel comfortable opening the door as I finally called out, "Who's there?"** _

" _ **Addy?" He replied sounding somewhat surprised. "Come on Addy… Open the door."**_

_**Now that he had spoken more clearly I knew exactly who it was standing on my doorstep and I immediately felt beyond annoyed at him for thinking that he could order me around in my own home as easily as he did on the road so I petulantly called out, "Sorry but you didn't answer my question so I'm no opening this door yet!"** _

" _ **Adelaide…" He answered with an annoyed growl. I held my ground and then I heard him say almost begrudgingly, "Addy… It's John… John…"**_

_**I cracked opened the door before he could say "Winchester" without lowering my shotgun and for some reason automatically announced, "Mum and Dad aren't here."** _

_**John just scowled in confusion at my announcement without actually saying anything else. I slowly opened the door a little bit wider and then I finally noticed that he looked like he was in pain which actually (in my mind) did explain why he had previously been nearly doubled over at my door just a few minutes ago. I quickly slipped my shotgun onto the bench of the coat rack behind the door so that I could lurch forward to catch John when it looked like he was starting to sway so bad that he might fall back down the stairs.** _

_**John visibly winced when my right hand hit his chest as I slipped my left arm under his right arm pit causing me to worriedly ask, "John are you okay? What happened?"** _

_**Miraculously he let me be his crutch as I helped him to a chair at the kitchen table without any protests. Once he was seated he tried to give me a strong smile as he replied, "It's nothing for you to worry yourself about Addy. I'll be fine."** _

_**I gently touched a spot on his chest with my index finger where I saw a blood stain blossoming through his undershirt as I replied with a very serious tone, "Blood isn't something that I can just ignore John."** _

_**His eyes snapped down to where I was pointing and when he saw what I had referenced he sighed out a frustrated, "Shit" under his breath.** _

_**John started to strip off his jacket and plaid over shirt, so I rushed into the bathroom to retrieve the first aid supplies. By the time I got back into the room, John had stripped off all of his layers and was starting to work at peeling back the tape around the perimeter of the blood soaked gauze on his upper right chest. I dropped everything in my hands on the island so that I could try to stop John for starting to work on his wound on his own but I got detoured as I scooped up his t-shirt to soak it in the laundry room.** _

_**I tried to move as quickly as I could to start the work to remove the stain so that I could get back to John's side. I wasn't surprised to find John struggling to get to his feet to make his way to the island when I got back into the kitchen.** _

" _ **JOHN!" I shouted when he started to strain to reach the island with his left hand. He paused mid-reach to glare at me so I gave him a cheeky smile as I said, "My house, my rules, so sit your ass down and behave or…"**_

_**As he sat back down John quirked a questioning eyebrow at my idle threat with a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I blushed darkly and then I finished my statement with my eyes securely trained on the supplies I was picking up, "Or I won't give you any dessert after dinner."** _

_**My comment elicited a deep chuckle from my new patient and that movement of his chest caused John to cringe slightly in pain. I felt my face fall into a sad frown, but I immediately forced myself to somber my expression before he could see my face. It was going to be tough enough for me to get him to sit still while I tended to his wound, so I didn't want to give him any reason what so ever to protest and me looking like I was pitying him would definitely cause him to raise a few objections and he might even try to mend himself on his own again.** _

_**The gauze he had taped to his chest was nearly dripping with blood by the time I was able to peel it off his skin and I couldn't help but ask, "Geez what the hell happened to you John?"** _

_**He tried to shrug as he replied, "I got the bullet out."** _

_**I paused while cleaning the now revealed wound and just stared at him for a couple of breaths. He gently gripped one of my hands and started to extract the cloth I was holding as he said, "It was too awkward for me to stitch it myself before, but I can see that you not really up for the task so…"** _

" _ **No," I interrupted snatching my hand out of his grasp. "I'm up for the challenge. I was just a little shocked that you didn't pass out or anything worse while you were driving here. It's pretty risky operating heavy machinery with an injury like this you know."**_

" _ **I know," John answered with an annoyed growl. "But I didn't and I made it here so I guess that that must mean that I might actually know what I'm doing or something, huh?"**_

_**I just shook my head, but I kept any further commentary on that subject to myself by biting my bottom lip hard. John Winchester lived by his own set of rules and my scolding him would only result in us fighting while I tried to stitch the still bleeding hole in his chest closed, so I just let the subject drop to focus on the task at hand.** _

_**As I turned my back to John and moved towards the kitchen island I asked, "So do you need any anesthetics or am I good to jump right in and start now?"** _

_**He remained silent while I plucked out the tools I would need for this job with my back still facing him. I kept my eyes on my hands until I got back to where I had been standing in front of him previously, but then I only raised my eyes so that I could place everything in my hands on the table top. John continued his selective muteism to watch me while I opened a couple of packages and lined everything up in the order that I thought I would be using them. He then suddenly grabbed my right hand in an almost uncomfortable grip.** _

" _ **Where did you get all of this Adelaide?" John nearly snapped when I tried to pull my hand out of his hold without acknowledging his question in any way. When he finally noticed that I wasn't going to answer him, John squeezed my hand tightly and added some severity to his tone as he demanded, "Adelaide?"**_

_**I flinched slightly as I finally replied, "An ER doctor left me alone in a suture room a little while ago, so I pocketed some supplies. It just seems safer to me to use sterilized materials from a hospital when I can than it is to try to do it ourselves all of the time." I paused and took in a deep breath to try to force myself to keep my tone as calm and neutral as possible. "If you keep squeezing my hand like that, you're liable to break it and then you'll be back to square one and will have to stitch yourself up." He quickly released his hold on me without even so much of a noise of contrition. "And you didn't answer my question… Should I just dive in or do you want me to grab you something from the liquor cabinet first?"** _

_**John relaxed back in his chair and then nodded at the now open medical tools answering, "It isn't all that big, so just go on ahead and start."** _

_**Without saying another word, I put on a pair of latex gloves and cleaned the wound again. I had tried to pay close attention whenever I was being stitched or had the chance to watch when my Mum was a patient, so I felt fairly confident in my abilities to stitch other people's wounds with the same ease as any classically trained doctor, even if I hadn't had a chance to prove that ability to anyone just yet. John managed not to move while I worked, but he did let out a few quiet grunts of pain to which I whispered apologies without so much of a thought of pausing my hand.** _

_**When I was done, I cleaned any lingering traces of blood from his skin, but I didn't make any attempts to cover the wound again. Although it had been a while since I had had a chance to work a job with John, I still knew that he would want to scrutinize my work, so I instead bagged up the garbage. I had had the foresight to bring a small mirror out of the bathroom with me and I passed it to John right after I had the glove removed from my right hand.** _

" _ **Did you take a paramedic's course or something since the last time I saw you Addy?" He asked with the mildest hint of admiration in his voice.**_

_**I turned around to face him and replied with a soft chuckle, "No, no courses… I was a little too preoccupied to take any courses."** _

_**He looked up from bandaging his chest to give me a confused scowl. I stared at him while practically mirroring his expression. After a couple of incredibly awkward and uncomfortable minutes it finally dawned on me that he might not have remembered what I looked like the last time that he saw me in person. Of course my pregnancy had completely turned my world upside down for months, but even I was starting to feel all of those memories fading away since I had returned home after the adoption.** _

_**John's eyes drifted slowly down from my face to my abdomen where both of my hands had started to unconsciously stroke my shirt. I was still carrying a small amount of extra weight, but my Mum had kept me on a fairly strict diet during the months that I was living with my parents at their house, but Sister Mary Catherine was more than happy to spoil me with treats while I was at the convent. Aside from the odd job that I worked on my own, I also started an earnest work out regime that I actually stuck to more earnestly than I ever had in the past so that I could regain my old physique and stamina.** _

" _ **Pre-… Oh… OH! Right," John mumbled as realization hit him. "I… Umm… I almost forgot"**_

_**I smiled sympathetically and shrugged saying, "I sometimes wish I could too… But no drama, it is what it is. So can I offer you a night cap?" He nodded softly while still looking a little shell shocked. I knew that I couldn't ask him if he was going to be alright, so I instead asked, "What's your poison? Mum and Dad have pretty much everything in stock… Scotch? Bourbon? Gin? Whiskey? Rum? Vodka?"** _

_**John's lips twitched into a small sly grin as he answered, "Why don't you surprise me?"** _

_**I just nodded then moved into the living room to get him his drink. When I got back into the kitchen John was working at buttoning his flannel shirt and I quickly told him in a mildly apologetic tone, "I should be able to get the blood out of your t-shirt for you… I mean… That's if you're going to stay the night and all… Unless you were planning on heading…"** _

" _ **If you have a couch to spare, I wouldn't mind getting some shut eye," John interrupted when he realized that I was on the verge of starting to ramble.**_

" _ **Couch?" I retorted humorously. "Come on Winchester, you know that we treat our guests better than that. The spare room upstairs is all made up and ready for you to use."**_

" _ **Oh," he said with a soft scowl. "So does that mean…? Uh… You… I mean, so the uhh… The baby's sleeping in your room then?"**_

_**I shook my head and refilled his now empty glass. "No… Because like I told you before I didn't keep the baby…" He nearly choked on his mouthful of liquid causing me to chuckle as I added, "No… Not like that John. Geez… I found a lovely couple who were more than happy to adopt him because they have always wanted to be parents. But enough about all of that… You need to rest and don't need to worry about things that have already been taken care of."** _

_**He quickly finished his drink with an absentminded nod. I left the bottle and his glass on the kitchen counter and then followed closely behind John just in case his coordination was off in the slightest from the trauma and its inevitable blood loss. Well the blood loss and the fact that I wasn't sure when he had had his last meal so I wasn't sure how hard the alcohol was going to hit him. Once again I was surprised that John allowed me to help him onto the bed and didn't try to stop me when I started to work at untying his boots.** _

_**Once his second boot was off his foot, John started to undo his flannel shirt once again, so I jumped up to my feet saying in a rushed, embarrassed tone, "You didn't have your bag with you… Is it still in your truck?" I just barely caught a glimpse of him nodding so I quickly added, "And keys are in your jacket?"** _

" _ **Yeah," he replied sounding like he was on the verge of falling asleep.**_

_**By the time that I got back to the room, John had stripped himself down to just his boxers and was completely passed out on the bed. I placed his duffle bag at the foot of the bed, making sure to keep it out of any path that he might take to leave the room. He was sprawled out face down and was shivering slightly, so I hanged his jacket over the foot post of the bed frame so that I could pull the covers up and over his shoulders.** _

_**I wasn't naïve enough to think that John's shivering was solely caused by him possibly being cold, so I tried to make myself comfortable in a chair by the foot of the bed to watch him while he slept. My fear was that he had made it to our house too late and that an infection was trying to set in, which was something that I wasn't completely prepared to deal with right now. As stupid as it made me feel to admit, I knew that if John's condition took a turn for the worse that I would really need my Mum to be here to save the day. That thought caused tears to blossom in my eyes and I nearly got up from my post where I was watching John settle under the covers in a restless sleep to call my Mum when I heard his phone ringing in his jacket pocket.** _

_**Since John seemed to actually be sleeping, I instinctively pulled his phone out of his jacket's pocket and answered it so that it wouldn't wake him to hear a petulant,** _ **"Dad? Dad? Are you there?"**

_**The voice didn't sound at all familiar so I figured that it must be Sam and not Dean calling so I replied, "Sorry kiddo, he's sleeping… And before you ask, no I'm not going to wake him up. He really needs to get some rest right now."** _

" **He…"** _ **Sam sucked in a breath and then more confidently stated,**_ **"And why should I trust your opinion? I don't even know who you or where he is!"**

_**I don't know what came over me, but suddenly I found myself trying to mimic my mother's tone as I replied, "You're right Sammy you don't know me or my family at all, but your father and brother do… Now I'm guessing that if your dad was working a job this risky on his own that he left Dean at the motel with you and I'd hazard a guess that your brother is the reason that you chanced making this call to your old man… Right? Dean's being a pain in the ass and you wanted your dad to do something about it? So… Okay… He's… I mean Dean's probably close by so let him know that John made it to Iowa and that he's at the Jones' right now."** _

_**Sam let out a quiet snort of laughter which told me that my statement was beyond accurate and then he had a muffled conversation with someone that I could only assume was his older brother. If I hadn't been absolutely sure that it was Dean with whom he was speaking, I got my confirmation when I heard Sam almost hesitantly ask,** _ **"And which Jones would you be?"**

_**After a loud indignant sigh I replied, "Tell that wanker brother of yours that it's Victoria, so you have nothing to worry about and everything is ace… Well it will be after your old man has a good night's sleep."** _

" **Victoria you say,"** _ **Sam said in a tone that I could tell was an obvious ploy to tell his brother who was on the other line while attempting to actually be inconspicuous about it.**_

 _**Before I could utter any other reassuring words, I heard a slight scuffle and then I heard Dean's voice lowly saying,** _ **"Vicki? Hey it's me, Dean. Thanks for taking Dad in, Sammy's been worrying since he missed his last check in, so Sam should be good now…"** _**He paused for a moment to take in a deep breath as I hummed out a sound to the affirmative.** _ **"Okay Vicki Sammy's all settled doing his homework now so you can give it to me straight… How bad is dad? How long do you think he should be riding the pine? What was it that got him?"**

" _ **Oh…" I started nervously while trying once again to find my Mum's voice in my head. I had imitated her tone of voice a few times in the past with school officials and other hunters but there was something about Dean putting so much faith in her opinion that it me it difficult for me to speak at all. As soon as I felt like I could actually impersonate her voice convincingly I replied in a rushed sentence, "Just a minor GSW. John shouldn't be laid up too long."**_

" **Good… That's good…"** _ **Dean replied with a thoughtful tone. He suddenly paused there and I could almost see him checking over his shoulder to make sure that Sam wasn't paying attention to him as he as he asked just over a whisper,**_ **"Vicki…? I know you said that I should just let her go and move on, but… Umm… How's Lay doing? Is she helping you with dad? I know she's been… Well she used to seem pretty keen on working on her first aid skills and all… And she was pretty good with a needle…"**

_**Before I could stop myself I let out a soft sob and felt completely choked up by his thoughtfulness. I cleared my throat and didn't really pay attention to the tone I was using because speaking at all was a bit of a struggle with the lump that was forming in my throat as I replied, "Dean… I…"** _

" **Lay?"** _ **He questioned a bit louder than I'm sure he meant to because of his surprise.**_ **"Uh… Addy? Is that you?"**

I awoke with a start after yet another crash of thunder caused the window of my motel to rattle. As I laid back down and tried to settle under the covers again I couldn't help but think _Damnedable Winchester!_

Since Dean and Sam had rescued me from that Shojo in Kansas (and kept me from having any nasty consequences from becoming overly intoxicated that night), I had had some disturbing dreams practically every night. Lately they were getting even worse and forced me to remember things that I had worked hard over the years to forget or at least suppress deep down so that those memories and the feelings that came with them wouldn't be able to find me easily. Tonight for some reason the dreams were so vivid that I had awoken in a panicked cold sweat and had to force myself not to pick up the phone and call Dean to comfort me like I had so many other times. He wasn't that man in my life anymore and yet while I tried to ignore the sounds of the violent storm outside so that I could fall asleep, I wasn't sure my resolve to keep him out of my life was as strong as I tried to convince myself that it was.


	37. I See Your Face

When I woke up the next morning I immediately checked outside the window by the front door of my motel to see if the weather had improved from the night before. I wasn't in a hurry to get to any jobs at the present time, so I would have happily stayed at this motel if I had to continue to wait out the storm that had hit so hard the day before that I had to seek refuge in some random town off the highway. This morning was much quieter than the night had been and since I still wasn't keen on driving in the rain so I was more than happy to see the sun trying to burn its way through a light haze of lingering clouds.

Since I wasn't actively working a job, I had fallen out of the habit of doing daily check-ins with Toby and I was starting to feel like I owed him a call even though I didn't really have anything by way of an update for him. I waited until I was finished not only showering but also eating a small breakfast to make contact with him. I hadn't really found anything worthwhile near where I was in Illinois after I had dealt with a poltergeist that had had too much fun tormenting a widower who had finally gotten the courage to do renovations after his wife's death, so I was hoping that my teenaged partner in crime would have found something for me to work on to help preoccupy my mind from wandering back towards anything that was remotely "Winchester" shaped.

" _Hey Addy! It's really good to hear from you,"_ Toby said with the mildest hint of fear creeping into his tone.

I hung my head guiltily because I should have known that three days was really two days too many or long to finally make this call to him. Granted I wasn't currently on a hunt and/or in immediate danger , but I really should have known better and should have remained conscious of the fact that Toby worried about me something fierce whenever I was out on the road (especially alone) for any reason.

"Yeah… Uh… Sorry for worrying you Buddy. I was going to call last night but I got so drenched while running and unloading my car into my room that I totally crashed after having a hot shower," I replied feeling some of the tension that had been mounting in my mind and muscles ease with the knowledge that everything I had just said to him was the God's honest truth (for once).

" _Oh… Well that's totally okay. I've just missed talking with you is all,"_ he said sounding mildly embarrassed through his obvious white lie. _"So if you were in the wicked bad rain storm last night that we had here, does that mean that you're finally heading home?"_

I scowled slightly at the window facing the parking lot then answered as I turned back to my room, "Umm… No Tobs, I'm still in Illinois, but… Wait! You guys had a thunderstorm last night too?"

" _Yeah, the worst I've ever seen. Dad's gone out to your place to check for any damage and to make sure that your power didn't go out or anything… You know, just in case. He and Mom said that they couldn't remember the last time they'd seen a storm that vicious here ever."_

"Hmm… Oh… Thank your Dad for doing that for me and tell him I'll try to call him later to thank him personally. He's a real life saver."

" _Hey no worries Addy, that's what family does for each other, right?"_

I could practically see the cheeky grin that was undoubtedly spreading across his face at his being able to use the line that I had recounted to his parents more times than I could count when Maureen was in the hospital. I chuckled softly but fell completely silent very quickly when I heard him let out a thought-filled noise.

"Tobs? What'd you find?"

When he didn't answer my question straightaway, I figured that I had briefly lost him to whatever information he was reading. I then pulled out my laptop in preparation to pull up whatever website had him so intrigued because I knew once his explanation came out that he would be relating the information fast and furious and I was going to have a hard time keeping up. I had set my homepage to a national news site and my eyes immediately locked in on a headline of a missing teen from Michigan. The details were pretty vague, so I had no way of knowing if this fell under my area of expertise or not, but the story definitely piqued my interest none the less. As I finished reading the article, I suddenly realized that I was still holding my phone and forced my attention away from my computer screen back to the conversation I hadn't yet finished with Toby.

He still sounded like he was navigating through some websites with what I could only assume were filled with interesting information, so I tried to get his attention by calling out his name. After the fifth loud and urgent "TOBY" he actually seemed to0 have come out of his trance.

" _Huh? Oh! Shoot! Sorry Addy,"_ he finally replied with his embarrassment at inadvertently ignoring me more than evident.

"That's okay Buddy… But I can't help wondering if you've found something that I should be looking into or not."

" _Yeah it might be, but to be completely honest I'm not quite sure just yet… I'll have to do a little more digging to see if there is an actual connection, but it looks like a few other States were hit by really bad, freaky storms… Like never before seen bad in the areas that were hit."_

"Hmm… Okay. And the States that were hit…? Were they close by each other? Are there any other signs that came with the storms?"

" _That's the weird part… The storms were all over the place and just hit with no warnings at all. There's no pattern… No rhyme or reason… I mean everywhere except Illinois… Well more specifically in Chicago…"_

"Alright. What's happened in Chicago and why does it sound like it's really troubling you that it would be happening there of all places?"

" _Well… Umm… To answer your second question… Uhh… That's where Dean and Sam are right now. Sam sent me a couple of pictures of this thing that they stole from Dick Roman, but I haven't been able to make heads or tails out of it yet… Sorry…"_

"Sorry? Toby why are you apologizing? We both know that if it's something that Roman was eager to get his monstrous hands on then it's more than likely going to be a tough problem to solve. There's no shame in having to take your time with it Buddy, really."

He let out an uncomfortable laugh and then very hesitantly tried to clarify his apology, _"No it's not that… I mean I know that this is a tough one because Sam already warned me that it would be… It's… Umm… It's just that… Uhh…"_

"It's just what Buddy?" I gently prompted him when he trailed off and it didn't appear that he was going to finish his thought any time soon.

" _It's just that I… I know that you and… You… And… Well that you don't like talking about… Uhh… Him… So I'm sorry that I brought up… Umm… The Winchesters."_

"Oh Toby…" I replied with a sympathetic chuckle. "It's okay to talk about him and to use his name, especially when you're giving me the details of a case that we're working on at the time. Plus… The Winchesters being in Chicago with all the other weird stuff happening, I'm sure there's got to be some sort of connection between it and whatever artifact Sam asked you to focus your attentions on for the time being. Please don't apologize or feel like you have to hold back anything from me, okay?"

Toby let out a soft sigh that I would describe as being relieved before saying, _"Yeah, I was thinking that too… About Sam and Dean that is… And… And… Okay, nothing but honesty between us, like always."_ He took in a deep breath and sounded less tense as he asked, _"So if the Winchesters are in Chicago taking care of whatever weird stuff is happening there, where were you heading to next?"_

"Well…" I started as I pulled up another news site to check if there were any updates on the missing student that I had read about earlier in our conversation. As luck would have it, a reporter for this news outlet had somehow gotten into contact with the missing teen's girlfriend who reported that 'he said that he wasn't allowed to stop…' and that she believed that the some religious fanatics had abducted him for unknown reasons. "Well… I'm not really even sure that this is remotely close to being our type of gig, but I was reading about this kid in Michigan that…"

" _Went missing in the middle of his finals from his home in Neighbor, Michigan?"_ Toby finished for me sounding somewhat hesitant again. _"I… Uhh… I kind of thought that you might find it interesting so I've been looking into it as much as I could just in case you wanted to work on it. I can send you what I've been able to dig up so far if you want."_

"Really Buddy? That would be awesome and much appreciated," I replied with a mixture of awe and excited anticipation.

" _Okay I'll forward everything that I have to your email. You'll probably want to start with the police interview with his girlfriend."_

"Really?" I questioned with a playful tone. If Toby suggested that I start there, then I knew that he found something worthwhile and I would be starting there no matter what. But that being said I always had more fun listening to Toby relay information to me than just reading it on my own. "So why don't you tell me about it Buddy while I wait for your email to come through?"

" _Really?"_ Toby clarified in an excited yet surprised voice.

My smile grew uncomfortably wide at his reaction because I knew that he would be thrilled that I didn't want to terminate our call just yet. Some people might have interpreted my actions as over-indulging the teen to try to ease my guilt about not calling him as often as he had grown accustomed, but in all honesty I did it because it was the easiest way to keep him actively involved. Since my last disappearance, Toby had completely silenced his requests to come out on the road for a hunt with me, so I was more than happy to have him focus on researching instead of field work.

" _Okay… Well she's the last person to have had any contact with Kevin… That's the name of the missing teenager. She wasn't one hundred percent sure, but she does have a feeling that someone might have abducted him because he said something weird to her about not being allowed to stop. The police are focusing most of their energies on that it seems, but I don't think that that is the right avenue of investigation."_

I had a feeling that I knew why Toby had come to that conclusion, but I wanted to double check that he had taken my lessons to heart causing me to ask, "And why do you think that Toby?"

" _Well first off, he answered his phone. Not really all that stealthy of the bad guys to let him do that… Or to leave it on in case anyone tries to track it with GPS,"_ he replied confidently. _"And he never mentioned a ransom or anything, so why would somebody take him? Why haven't they started making demands by now if he was kidnapped?"_

"Good points," I praised with a proud smile plastered on my face. "So what else is there that I know that you're just dying to tell me?"

Toby let out a surprised laugh then answered, _"And I thought that I actually had you fooled. Well she also mentioned something else in her statement that was really weird… Where…? Oh here it is… She said that he mumbled something to her… Hang on… Okay Kevin apparently said something about it 'being his birthright'. Now that in and of itself is majorly bizarre, right? But I found it extra strange considering the state of his house when the cops got there to start their missing person's investigation."_

"State of the house? What does that mean Tobs?"

" _Well…"_ He stared with a cheeky grin evident in his voice. _"Every single window in his house was blown out from the outside in. That got me thinking that this might be more of an angel thing because…"_

"That's what happened when Castiel tried talking to Dean when he first pulled him out of hell," I interrupted inadvertently, lost in my own thought momentarily. "That would also help to explain what he said about it being his birthright. But if he's a vessel, couldn't the angels speak to him without any ill effects? Did Dean ever ask Cas what it was like with him and…?"

" _ADDY!"_ Toby shouted sounding like it wasn't the first time he had tried to get my attention.

"Toby? Oh… Shit… Sorry Buddy. I kind of got lost in my own thoughts there for a second."

He chuckled then said, _"Yeah I sort of noticed that Addy. So do you think Kevin Tran's disappearance does have something to do with Angels?"_

"I do Tobs. That theory does sound like the most likely scenario to me, but per usual I won't really know until I get there and get a good look at everything first hand."

" _I figured that you would say that so I booked you a room at the Comfort Inn in Neighbor, Michigan for you. Check in is any time after three."_

"Really? Thank you so much Toby. What would I do without you?"

Knowing Toby as well as I did, I had no doubt in my mind that he was blushing profusely right now. I also knew that he wouldn't reply because of his embarrassment at being the subject of such high praise from me.

" _Umm… Yeah… So…"_ He started awkwardly. _"If you're still in Illinois right now and if you're going to be driving to Michigan from there… I… Uhh… I guess that that would mean that you'll most likely be passing through Northern Indiana, right?"_

"That's right," I confirmed not quite catching onto his reason for bringing up the route that I would soon be travelling.

" _Well maybe you could… You know… Stop in and check if… Umm… You know… Check if Castiel is awake and all to… Umm… You know to see if he might know what's happening with Kevin and all… I mean if he is awake and all?"_ He explained tentatively.

I felt my cheeks start to burn under a hot blush of embarrassment as I stifled a mortified sigh before answering, "Right… I hadn't even thought about… But… No… Yeah… You're right. I should have dropped in to see him before now… And it is on the way so there really isn't any excuse for me not to, right?"

" _Well I just thought that you might want to, but…"_

It pained me to hear him sound so unsure of himself and his suggestions, so I quickly interrupted, "It is a really good piece of advice Toby. And I really mean it, I should have gone to see him before now, so don't doubt yourself and sound like that. Okay?"

After a couple of awkwardly silent seconds Toby finally replied, _"Okay, so long as you aren't mad that I said that you should and all."_

"No Tobs I'm not upset at all. And I promise you that I'll even say hi to him for you," I answered in the same calm reassuring tone that I had adopted during my previous statement. "So… If I'm going to hit the road, I should let you go and get checked out…"

" _Oh… Of course! Yeah… Sorry…"_

I laughed softly as I replied, "There's still no need for you to apologize Buddy. I'll call you once I get to the hospital so I can give you an update, alright? I love you Toby."

" _Sounds good. Love you too Addy. Drive safe."_

Toby had taken it upon himself to send me a set of directions that seemed to be the most direct route to Northern Indiana State Hospital as well as a set of directions to the Tran residence in Michigan. He also promised to keep on top of the Kevin Tran disappearance case for me so that he could forward me everything while I was stuck driving from place to place. Toby was adamant that he only offered to do it so that I could concentrate on driving and not researching, but I think the real reason was that he knew that I would use researching as a way to avoid visiting Castiel. I still hadn't seen the "not dead" angel in the flesh since Sam had called to fill me in on everything that had happened with Emmanuel (the healer Mackey had told us about who actually turned out to be our favorite angel that we had all presumed had died when the Leviathans set themselves free) and deep down I was afraid that he somehow wouldn't actually be there.

I knew that it was ridiculous to have any feelings of doubt about our angel because Sam had absolutely no reason to lie to me about how he had been healed and yet here I sat, frozen in the driver seat of my GTO. For some reason I found myself just staring out my windshield down at the Ambulance Entrance to the Emergency Room without any thoughts forming to completion in my head. On the drive to Indiana I couldn't stop the thoughts that were running through my mind about what I would say to Castiel when I saw him again (whether he was conscious or not), but now I was drawing a complete blank.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it took the sound of an ambulance blaring its siren as it brought a new patient in to the Emergency to snap me out of my daze. I shook my head vigorously, as if it would help to further clear way the cobwebs from my mind, before I forced myself to get out of the car, even if I was moving painfully slowly.

Sam had given me directions, to the best of his recollection, to the psychiatric ward in case I ever got a chance to visit (and I never had the courage to tell him that I most likely wouldn't be visiting because I didn't want to run into Dean back then), so I had a vague idea of where I was heading from the parking lot. As I walked towards the building I couldn't help but take note of the weather. The sun was high in the sky and shining without a cloud in sight which was such a turnaround from the day before that I actually stopped in my place to admire my surroundings.

The hospital grounds were quite spectacular and with the sun shining down, it was also very breath-taking because the care facility was situated close to a dense wooded area and it also had a large garden area near the rear of the building. I'm not sure what I had expected to see when I got here, but what I did see definitely exceeded any of my preconceived notions for what hospital grounds should look like. In my mind hospitals were a cold, sterile place but this place felt warm, peaceful and somewhat serene.

Since I had been sub-consciously looking for any reason I could find to delay going into the hospital to see our comatose angel, I was more than happy to find myself wandering towards the garden area. The sunlight was shimmering off the lingering moisture on the leaves and petals of the plants and greenery in the garden which gave it all an almost eerie early morning glow to everything even though it was well into the afternoon hour.

I was just about to silently scold myself for my not so hidden cowardice when I heard a familiar voice call out, "Adelaide?"

When I turned around, I gasped out softly at seeing Castiel standing beside a blooming rosebush. I nearly broke out in a fit of giggles at seeing him sporting his usual trench coat over the white hospital scrubs that all of the patients wore here at the hospital. Everything about him was so normal that it was almost physically painful to look at him.

"Cas…? Castiel? Is…? Is that really you?"

He gave me a slanted half-smile as he nodded his head, but he wasn't able to reply before I rushed forward and wrapped him in a bone crushing embrace.

"Castiel you have no idea how good it is to see you," I said against his chest as he raised his arms to reciprocate my hug more comfortably.

I felt him chuckle before he said, "It is good to see you too Adelaide."

After a final hard squeeze of his torso I pushed out of our hug, but he maintained a gentle hold of my biceps while we spoke. "So Cas… Last I heard you were down for the count… When did you get all vertical again?"

"My return to full consciousness is a fairly new development," the angel replied in the same hauntingly serene tone he had used when I first met him.

I felt my lips unconsciously push back into a wide grin at hearing him speak with the same cadence that he had prior to his opening Purgatory. As I stood there smiling at him the realization of how long it had been since we had seen each other hit me hard. So much had changed in my life since he had last been this lucid and I wasn't really sure that I was ready to get into all of it with him just yet.

"So…? Umm… Do Dean and Sam know that you're awake?" I asked casting my eyes away from his unyielding gaze because I wasn't certain that I could hide what I was really feeling right now.

"I am not aware if Meg ha contacted them as of yet," he replied as his eyebrows started to turn down into a scowl. "Adelaide… There's… You 'look' different from the last time that I saw you…" He gently pulled me closer to him and then he tentatively placed his free hand over my heart.

The frown on his face deepened so I placed my hand over his that was resting on my chest, but I didn't get a chance to speak before he continued, "Your sigil… It feels… Abnormal."

"Umm… Yeah… About that…" I replied as I took his hand in mine and led him to a nearby bench. "I sort of did something that wasn't exactly… Well let's just say that it wasn't my smartest move."

Castiel narrowed his eyes and fixed me with an intense glare that told me that he was trying to read my mind. In the past I had felt uneasy about Castiel reading my thoughts (mostly because I couldn't control what he would see so I was always paranoid that he would see something that I didn't want him to know) but today I was more than happy to focus on the one memory I knew that he would be searching out. I wasn't sure that he was seeing what I needed him to find so that I wouldn't have to actually explain the situation to him out loud, but then his eyes gradually started to widen as he slowly retracted his hand from my chest.

"Adelaide… You… Your…" He stammered out in near horrified awe.

I caught his hand and then pulled it down into my lap and I ran my thumb over his knuckles as I replied, "Yeah like I said, not my smartest move." One corner of Castiel's mouth quirked back in not quite a half smile so I tried to explain my actions the best that I could, especially now that my feelings about my life decisions were so conflicted. "So we both know that I don't really make the best decisions when I'm upset and filled with raw emotions and that sort of translated into…"

"Oh Adelaide, you didn't…" He interrupted as he somehow shifted our hands so that he was now holding my hand tightly in both of his against my thigh. He was shaking his head with a strange smile forming on his face as he said, "But what I truly find baffling is that you were able to persuade Cupid to even try to remove it. How on Earth did you manage to convince him to attempt to complete such a feat when it truly would be impossible for an angel of his class to accomplish?"

I gave him a sad smile and shrugged as I replied, "It's amazing what you can convince guys to do when they have the prospect to keep a girl's tears from falling."

The angel barked out a surprised laugh then commented (more to himself than to me), "Of course she was able to manipulate him… He WOULD be the one angel that could be the most easily influenced for such a feat."

"Yeah that's one way to put it. But to be fair he did warn me that it might not work and when it didn't he tried his best to put it back how he found it. So far it hasn't really felt that different to me since then."

"Put it back how he found it," Castiel mused with a humorous tone. "Well yes he very nearly did do just that. But I still don't understand why he would risk trying when it could have turned out very badly for you."

I cupped Castiel's chin gently to force more direct eye contact as I answered, "You mustn't have gone back far enough in my memory bank to see what brought me to the breaking point. Now I've come to terms with everything, but it still isn't something I really want to re-hash right now, so could you just do the whole reading my mind thing so that you can find out and then we can just move on?"

"But you… In the past… I mean it always angered you when I attempted to read your thoughts in the past," he countered without much force.

I held his cheeks in both of my hands and looked him straight in the eye as I said with a light-hearted edge to my voice, "Well back then it wasn't like you took the time to ask for my permission to do it or anything." During my explanation Castiel's hands migrated up my arms to hold both of my hands on his face and suddenly I lost my nerve. I quickly diverted my gaze to my lap as my cheeks flushed as my cheeks flushed to a dark reddish pink. "And back then… Well we both know that there were also a lot of secrets I wanted to hide from you… Actually from everyone including myself to an extent, but I think that… Sorry no…" I forced myself to turn my eyes back to the angel's patient face as my thumbs started to unconsciously trace back and forth over his cheeks. "After everything we've been through, everything you've done for me… Well… I'm done hiding from you Castiel. I'm done hiding my feelings from everyone. I owe you the truth, so please, look into my thoughts because I'm not strong enough to say it out loud, okay? Please?"

Castiel nodded and somehow I knew that during my previous ramble that he had already found the answers to all of his lingering questions. He swiftly pulled my hands away from his face and then awkwardly placed them on either side of his waist. Before I could catch up with him, Castiel pushed the back of my head so that my cheek was now resting against his chest. He pecked the top of my head and then sighed as he rested his cheek against my hair.

"I am so sorry Adelaide. I had no idea that he would ever hurt you so deeply and that you two had been so greatly at odds over these past couple of years."

I tried to shrug but that was too hard to accomplish in his current hold, "Not really something for you to apologize for but thanks for the sentiment Castiel."

I felt him nod in understanding against my head and then we both fell into an eerily comfortable silence.

After a few breaths Castiel started to pet the tight French braid I had trailing down my spine and I almost could have sworn that I felt him chuckle before I heard him quietly say, "It has been a very long time since you've worn your hair this way."

"Yeah it has," I said as I finally started to relax against the angel's chest. "It took me a really long time to learn how to make the braid as tight as Mum always seemed to be able to do so effortlessly. Plus my hair's gotten so long that it's become the easiest way to manage it until I can get to a professional to try to tame it."

"I believe this style suits you quite well," Castiel stated bluntly with one final pet of the back of my head.

I was just about to thank him for the compliment when I suddenly had to catch myself to keep from face planting into the seat of the bench because Castiel had pulled one of his patented disappearing acts. My hands slipped slightly because I was laughing so hard at the familiarity of the situation. Once I was finally seated upright, I started to search around the area behind me for the angel, but all I could see was the blooming flowers in the garden behind me.

"Cas," I nearly sighed out to myself with a chuckle.

As soon as I was sitting up, I did a quick survey of the area without actually expecting to find the angel anywhere nearby. I remained in my spot debating how long I should wait for him to return because even though his manner of speech had returned to the same timber and flow of the Castiel of old, the angel still didn't seem to be acting like 'himself'. In the past when he disappeared it was because Castiel had been called somewhere to fight or help with some heavenly problem and since he had only very recently been revived, I was fairly confident that he hadn't been sent anywhere on any celestial missions, so I had no good reason for his recent disappearing act.

"Damn it Cas," I sighed under my breath when it became apparent that he wasn't going to return anytime soon.

 _Shit! I didn't even get to say 'hi' to him from Toby_ I thought to myself while I straightened out my jacket in preparation to leave. As I moved slowly to stand up I was suddenly halted by a strong hand grasping my shoulder out of the corner of my eye. I also caught a glimpse of a bouquet of wild daisies which caused me to sit back down on the bench in a state of utter confusion.

I felt fingers in my hair on the back of my head before I heard Castiel say, "You wore flowers in your hair one of the last times Victoria styled your hair in this manner."

He passed me a single purple tulip over my shoulder and I couldn't help but smile at the memory that flower evoked. "It was Mum's idea to put the flowers in my hair. Calla liked how it looked so much that she had everyone in the wedding party put them in their hair as well."

"You did look quite striking that day. He definitely would have been enamored with your beauty."

My cheeks burned hot as a blush overtook me. I tried to duck my head but couldn't because of Castiel's grasp on my hair as I said with an embarrassed chuckle, "Cas you can stop reading my mind now."

He moved around the bench and sat beside me saying, "Then why don't you tell me about that day?"

Shaking my head I tried to protest but he quickly interrupted me in a calm even tone, "There has been so much ugliness lately, wouldn't it be nice to talk about happy memories?" He turned his head to face me and once I made eye contact with him he shrugged adding, "Please humor me Addy. At least just this once."

There was a haunting look in his eyes that nearly broke my heart so I quietly answered, "Calla is a psychic and she was marrying a hunter that Mum knew pretty well. Most of the people invited to the party were from the community which meant that there were a lot of hunters that we had worked with there for the celebration."

A small smile spread across his face as he clarified, "Which mean that you anticipated seeing Dean there and bought a new dress for the occasion to try to impress him."

"Yeah," I answered honestly as my blush darkened. "But I was only fifteen, so I wasn't exactly making my decisions based on logic or anything…" I paused to take in a deep breath and then I squared my shoulders and re-established direct eye contact with him to continue, "But it was all for nothing because the Winchesters didn't go. John wasn't really one for socializing, especially at something as frivolous as a wedding, so the hair, the dress… Hell those new stupid heels that killed my feet were all for a lost cause."

"I'm sure that your efforts were very well appreciated by many others that were in attendance."

I let out a quick embarrassed laugh as I said, "Yeah I did get hit on a lot that day." I then took his hand in mine and tried to keep my eyebrows from turning down into a concerned scowl as I asked, "Cas…? Uhh… What is this…?"

"CAS…! Damn it where…? Oh! There you are," a female's voice shouted from somewhere behind us. "Cas you seriously have to stop vanishing on me like that."

She rounded the bench to stand in front of Castiel and I felt every muscle in my body go rigid as soon as I laid eyes on her face. When she saw my reaction she shook her head then reached for Castiel's hand gently reprimanding him, "And you really shouldn't be bothering random people out here in the garden either."

He allowed her to take his hand but still protested, "No, but…"

They both stopped to stare at me as the color completely drained out of my face as I cowered into the corner of the bend the farthest away from them whispering, "Oh God… Oh no… No she… she can't…"

Castiel pulled his hand out of the woman's hold to slide over to my side. When he noticed that I was trembling uncontrollably, he scooped up my hands into his as he quietly said, "Adelaide it wasn't her, remember? You have nothing to fear."

I stared into his eyes for a couple of breaths before following his lead and nodded slowly. I took a few more breaths for me to be able to answer, "Right… Right, but… Meg? This Meg is the one that they left behind to take care of you? A… The demon Meg?"

He nodded while a cruel looking smirk spread across the demon's face as she said, "Why yes I am. Do you have a problem with that?"

Her challenging tone startled me slightly, but I was able to suppress the false fear my memories brought out by taking control of my breathing. "No… No, I don't… Actually…" I answered as I finally managed to completely regain my composure. "Actually with everything that's been going on lately, it's probably better that he had something like you around… You know, just in case and all."

She responded to my comment by giving me an unfriendly look that Castiel either ignored or didn't see because he happily replied, "Yes I do consider myself blessed to have had such a fearsome beauty watching over me."

The demon rolled her eyes while sighing out an exasperated, "Cas."

I had a few unpleasant thoughts jump into my mind but I held my tongue and opted instead to focus on Castiel. Before I could change my mind I leaned over to kiss the angel's cheek. He seemed surprised by that contact but was completely relaxed when I wrapped him in a tight hug and pressed myself against his side.

"I'm really glad you're okay Cas. Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Castiel briefly looked confused at my comment before a large grin spread across his face as he pulled me back against his chest in an almost uncomfortably tight hold. "You mean that you want me to keep in contact with you. I believe that that can easily be arranged." He pushed out of our embrace with the same bright smile and then he winked and added, "And say hi to Tobias for me as well."

"I will Cas, I will," I choked out over a grateful lump in my throat.

After I stood up from the bench I turned to say goodbye and immediately found myself nearly nose to nose with Meg. I instinctively took a step back and away from her. She moved as if she was going to take a step forward to follow me, but she stopped herself for some reason. Castiel was watching the two of us with an almost pained look on his face and when Meg followed my worried gaze her entire body language softened.

With a quiet scoff and a shake of her head, the demon said, "I wasn't trying to pick a fight with her Clarence…" She then turned her eyes back to me. Meg forced a smile onto her face as she calmly said through clenched teeth, "I was just trying to make sure that I had your friend's attention. So…? Friend…? Do I have your attention?"

I was hard pressed to keep the scowl off my face as I held out my right hand saying in a surprisingly civil tone, "Sorry that was rude of me. Meg it's… Nice to meet you, especially after what you've done for Cas. I'm Addy, Addy Jones."

"Ad…" Meg stammered while shaking my hand. She didn't let go of my hand as she turned and said to Castiel in an overly cheerful tone, "Clarence you didn't tell me that you knew Addy Jones…" She turned her eyes back to me with a smile that made me shudder, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

Once she released my hand I had to resist the urge to wipe my palm on my jean clad thigh. "I take it that means you've heard stories about me."

"Oh yes Miss Jones," she replied with a predatory gleam in her eye. "First you walked away from a… How should I put this? A creative twenty four hours with my brother and then… Well just look at you after an equally amusing stint in Hell. I thought everyone was exaggerating, but it seems that some rumors are in fact the truth."

I hadn't meant to, but with every shade of white my skin had paled to, I had also taken a small step back and away from the demon. For the most part Meg seemed to only be focused on the mental images that influenced her words and not the effect everything she was saying had on me. Had she noticed how horribly I was affected at having those events brought back to the forefront, I'm certain that she would have latched onto them and tormented me relentlessly.

Thankfully Castiel did notice my unease and he stepped in between us so that he blocked the demon from my view. When my eyes met the brilliant blue orbs that held so much concern for my well-being, I nearly burst into tears right then and there. He also took note of that and held my hand for a beat before pulling me into a hug.

I was still holding myself quite rigidly in his arms as he looked over his shoulder to say, "Meg I would be very grateful if you would meet me back at my room after I have walked Adelaide back to her car."

"You mean she won't be staying to reunite with Dean…? And Sam?" She questioned with an artificially innocent tone. The angel fixed her with a hard glare causing the demon to throw up her hands in a sign of surrender replying, "Alright Clarence… Down boy. I'll go call the Bobbsye Twins while you two say your fond farewells." To my relief she started back towards the hospital but then she suddenly stopped and turned back to us saying, "I wasn't lying Jonsey, you definitely are a woman to be reckoned with and I'm just glad that we're on the same side right now."

I kept myself plastered against Castiel's chest so I don't know what he did, but he managed to get rid of her without any further commentary. There wasn't much of a change in his grasp but I somehow knew that Meg was gone (hopefully for good) so I let myself relax against him. He remained silent and just ran his hands up and down my back in what I was sure was supposed to be a reassuring gesture, but his silence only caused me to tense up once again.

I don't know if Castiel was reading my thoughts or if he was using his old angel perceptiveness to try a different tactic to keep me calm by quietly saying into my ear, "Please don't be angry with her Adelaide. Meg truly has been watching over me and all that she has asked for is sanctuary because she knows that Crowley has put a price on her head for her alliance with Lucifer. Please don't start a fight with her, please?"

Hearing the name of the current ruler of Hell made me shudder but I tried to remain calm for Castiel's sake. He had this new Zen, 'no drama' vibe working for him and I didn't want to do anything to mess with it since I was striving to maintain my own tranquil center at this period of my life. It took more than a bit of effort to do so but I somehow managed to refocus my attention on Castiel's feeling in order to suppress my own.

I forced myself to stop clinging to my favorite angel once I realized that was precisely what I had been doing. "Cas…" I started quietly before I was able to muster up some courage. "Castiel she's in the rear view mirror, so no worries, okay?"

I paused while I watched him work through this latest turn of phrase that I had thrown at him. Soon enough his facial features softened as he said with a tone of recognition, "You mean that you are willing to leave all of that animosity in the past?"

Since he had worded his statement as a question, I made sure to answer him with a calm smile on my face and gentle grasp on his cheek, "Exactly. And you're right Cas, it wasn't actually her… Just another black-eyed… Anyways it was actually someone else that took Toby and she has been taking care of you so… Actually right now that last one means the most to me and will be cutting her a lot of slack." I stopped there and raised up to my tiptoes so that I could place a quick peck on his lips. "I love you Castiel."

The angel's eyes went almost comically wide and I instantly realized that he had misinterpreted my actions so I quickly added, "Oh not like that! Cas I love you like a… Umm… Like family. I didn't mean it romantically, okay?" He gave an almost hesitant nod so I figured that I owed him more of an explanation. I also needed to hit the road again so I took his hand in mine as we walked towards my car while I tried my best to clarify, "You're more than part of my family now and after what happened to Bobby… Well… I decided that should tell everyone my feelings more often. I… Uhh in the past…"

"You only felt comfortable in your youth doing so before your… Fallout with Sydney," Castiel finished for me at the end of the walkway by the parking lot.

I smiled with tears glittering in my eyes as I answered, "Yeah that's pretty much it exactly. But I want to be more like her… Umm like the old me for Toby so that means being her for everyone else too… So here it goes… I love you Castiel. You are an important person in my life and a part of me would be missing if I lost you again because I would grieve your loss immensely."

"Adelaide," he almost sighed with a smile. Anyone else would have acknowledge to whom I had alluded without spelling it out, but this was Castiel so I wasn't surprised when I heard, "I know these sentiments have been brought forward since Bobby's death as well as your bought of amnesia, but I do appreciate them all the same… And I know the Connors will as well." He then pulled me into a hug and added, "Do drive safe to Michigan."

When he released me I stared up at him in disbelief and almost asked how he knew where I was heading, but I instead just smiled and said, "Thanks, I always try to."


	38. When The Well Has No Water to Hold

_**Toby had been kind enough to consolidate all of the information he continued to find to keep me updated about Kevin Tran's missing person's file and so far there hadn't been any significant changes. I still thought that going to the family's home was the best place to start so that I could attempt to confirm or deny Toby's suspicions that whatever happened to Kevin Tran had something to do with so sort of Angel business, but I couldn't help but stop to talk to Kevin's girlfriend to get her take on the situation first hand.** _

_**The moment that I moved to open my car door (after making it to the Tran home much later in the day than I had anticipated), I felt a strong hand grip my upper right arm to halt my action. A breath later I heard a familiar gravelly voice say, "You have no reason to go into that house Adelaide. There truly isn't anything helpful for you in that home."** _

_**My mouth fell open momentarily in shock because the last time I had seen this particular angel he had seemed more than content to stay out of any and all human affairs, so his interference right now somewhat baffled me. "Cas…? Do you…? Does that mean that the family has been reunited? You mean that Kevin and…? That everyone is alright?"** _

_**Castiel nodded then said, "Besides… You have other places where you know that your help is needed right now." He turned just his head to make painfully direct eye contact as he somewhat awkwardly added, "This mother and son have been through so much and need this time together to heal. I'm sure that you of all people understand what that feels like… Plus they are both under the protection of my brothers right now. Please leave and find someone else to help? Please Addy?"** _

_**After that statement Castiel promptly disappeared and I was left alone once again just staring at the house and was left alone with my thoughts.** _ **His brothers… Shit angels WERE involved, but why? Well I guess it's over and they're in good hands now, right? Right?** _**For some reason I didn't feel any more at ease about the situation after hearing that information, but I still wanted to respect Castiel's wishes.** _

_**I was just about to start up my car with the full intention of leaving when I caught some movements out of the corner of my eye near the far end of the yard that grabbed my attention. Thankfully there weren't any street lights close to where I was parked, so I was able to conceal myself in the darkness of my car fairly easily. That however wasn't good enough for me and I still moved into the backseat of my GTO to further conceal my presence just in case whomever I was spying on had better than human night vision.** _

_**When the two figures got closer to my car, the sight of them completely stole my breath away. Edgar (or more precisely the Leviathan that I had gotten to know as 'Edgar the construction worker') was dragging a spooked looking teenager down the driveway to an awaiting pickup truck. I knew it shouldn't have, but it did somewhat baffle me that the monster was carrying a woman, that I could only assume was Kevin's mother, over one shoulder. The teen (that I for some reason hadn't immediately recognized to be the missing high school senior that had brought me to Michigan in the first place) got into the passenger's seat without a struggle or word of complaint and then they drove away in the opposite direction of where I was currently parked.** _

**Edgar… Fuck… Leviathans… Fuck… FUCK! But Cas said… SHIT!** _**I thought frantically to myself as I crawled back into the driver's seat.** _ **Fuck! What the hell did the Leviathan do to the angels?** _**I started to feel panic trying to overtake me and my hands started to shake so I gripped my steering wheel tightly and scolded myself silently.** _ **No time to worry about that right now. First we need to find out what they want with the kid so we can get him the hell away from those things… Somehow.**

" _ **Okay… Okay… Take a deep breath…" I coached myself aloud when I started to feel like I was going to hyperventilate. "First, get the fuck away from here. Second step, try to get a hold of Cas to find out why that kid is so important. Third… DON'T FUCKING FREAK OUT YET. Damn it Addy, just get the fuck out of here without causing a damn accident."**_

" _So it WAS an angel thing,"_ Toby mused sounding like another thought had started to preoccupy his over-active mind.

I continued to move around the kitchenette in my motel room as I replied, "Yeah it most definitely was… But why do I get the feeling that that isn't actually news to you? Come on Tobs, spill… What juicy tidbit of information do you know that I don't Buddy?"

Toby had the decency to sound slightly embarrassed when he replied, _"Sorry Addy, I… Uh… Sam called to ask me to help him out with finding some of the ingredients they'll need to make a weapon that can kill Dick Roman."_ He heard my sharp intake of air in surprise which caused him to say the rest of his explanation in a rushed out run on sentence before I could attempt to speak. _"Turns out Kevin is a prophet and he was able to read all of that weird text that Sam asked me to try to translate for them… It… That thing they stole, it's a tablet known as 'The Word of God'…"_

"Word of God?" I questioned inadvertently in my state of near shock.

" _Yeah apparently that one is about the Leviathans and lucky for us it has the recipe to put together a weapon to kill the Leviathans,"_ he replied in a forced clam tone because he had heard the mild panic in my voice and he knew I could crack if he acknowledged it in any way. _"I couldn't really get into all of the finite details with Sam, but he did ask me to help to figure out what 'Father of the Fallen Beasts' means and… Umm… Uhh… To…"_

I couldn't really focus on anything that Toby had just said because I knew that his hesitation meant that he had something really uncomfortable or disturbing to tell me. But his reluctance made me want to comfort him above anything else so I was able to sound relatively calm when I spoke next, "Hey… Buddy, it's okay. Whatever Sam asked you to help him with… Tobs if it means that we can get rid of the Leviathans for good…? Shit I'd give up my left arm in a heartbeat, so please just rip off the Band-Aid, okay?"

Toby scoffed softly in amusement before he said, _"Actually I think you giving up any limb could pretty much fulfill the slot for a bone of, quote a righteous mortal, end quote, but…"_

"But you suggested that they use the remains of someone who had publicly devoted their life to doing God's work," I stated with calm certainty. We both chuckled then I added, "Which is a much more practical suggestion for sure. Fighting once armed is definitely not something I would love to do on a regular basis for the rest of my life… The few times I had to were enough for me."

" _Yeah that's what I was thinking too, so I… Umm… I sort of suggested that they… Uhh… That they check out the tombs at Our Lady of Mercy for that particular ingredient."_

I unconsciously sucked in a sharp breath as I felt my chest tighten. Now Toby's reluctance and hesitation made more sense to me. Although Castiel had done a stellar job of white washing my pregnancy while I was a teenager from everyone's memories in Kidder, the Connors still knew how near and dear the Sisters at the convent had been and still were to me. Even though they didn't know the specifics, my surrogate family knew that those women had helped me during one of the most difficult times in my life when they couldn't help me and I was more than happy to keep conversations about that topic as vague as possible to keep from inadvertently blurting out the truth.

" _I… I know that they're kind of like family to you, but I…"_

"It's fine… Seriously Toby it's totally fine," I interrupted over his self-deprecating commentary. "It's actually a really great suggestion. And you're right, if they got to the tombs… Well those aren't the women that I befriended, so… Yeah… Hell, if I tell them to use my name then the Sisters might even give them full access to all of the old death records as well as their catacombs…"

Toby's voice remained quite soft and somewhat uncertain when he replied, _"I was… I was thinking that same thing, but I wasn't sure if it would be okay for me to tell Sam and Dean to… Umm… To make that suggestion."_

"In all honesty Tobs I don't really think there's anything… And I mean ANYTHING I would object to you suggesting if it means that we can banish the Leviathans from our planet for good," I added in the hopes that I could calm his nerves about this subject once and for all.

He let out a heavy sigh then said, _"Okay… Good… Good… So…"_ Suddenly his tone started to shift and almost sounded like he was trying to tease me when he continued, _"So I noticed that you said 'if_ _ **I**_ _tell them' and not 'if_ _ **you**_ _tell them'… So… Uhh… So does that mean what I think it means?"_

Although I tried my best not to, I let out an anguished groan before replying fairly evenly, "Yeah Toby it does… Well I'm pretty sure it does, but then again I can't always predict what crazy scenarios that imagination of yours will come up with if it's given enough time to run wild." I paused there expecting Toby to whine in protest at my attempts to tease him, but to my surprise my attempt to torment him was just met with a soft scoff of contempt. _Damn! He's growing up too fast_ I thought to myself because Toby really had matured by leaps and bounds over the past couple of years and yet I kept thinking the old tricks I had used in his youth would still work to cut the tension we felt right now. "But yeah… Sam and Dean were here too. Actually I don't think you need to worry about figuring out who the 'Father of the Fallen Beasts' is because they were able to get a vial of blood from the Alpha Vampire today."

" _WHOA! What?"_ He exclaimed sounding thoroughly shocked. _"Okay… Wait…! What did you just say?!"_

I chuckled softly as I briefly explained, "Edgar led me to the Alpha's house… Dean and Sam were there and they were able to get the vampire's blood without having to strain any muscles, so I guess that's ingredient number two down…"

" _Edgar…?"_ Toby questioned with a very careful voice. _"The last time we talked about… Him you sounded pretty freaked out about the prospect of seeing him again, but… Umm… Now… Uhh… You sound pretty… Umm… Amused?"_

_**I followed Edgar at what I hoped was a safe distance to a large, sprawling estate complete with a mansion that looked like something I had only ever seen on film. I had no idea why Edgar was here or to whom the house belonged and I almost had to force myself not to chicken out from going inside to find out why the Leviathan was meeting someone here.** _

_**After watching ten minutes pass on the clock of my GTO, I slowly emerged from the safety of the driver's seat to follow Edgar's route. I forced myself to try to stay calm by focusing on my breathing and that seemed to be working up until the moment when I nearly fell on my ass after tripping on a large, very visible rock. As I straightened myself out, I cursed my stupidity silently because I had become so focused on my breathing and trying to appear calm that I had completely forgotten to actually pay attention to where I was going or to check for anyone that might be watching me and my feeble attempts to be stealthy.** _

**Good fucking job dumbass!** _**I cursed in my head as I hid behind the first tree I saw in order to take some time to further collect my wits.** _ **Okay… Let's try this again and this time… No tunnel vision, okay? Dipshit!**

_**After checking the yard for any possible prying eyes that I may have missed before, I stepped out from behind the shrubbery to continue on my previous path to the house. As I slowly moved towards a door I started singing in my head,"** _ **Creepin' up on you is the wrong thing to do. I found your address, got your phone number too. Visit all the stores where you buy all your clothes. Been to secret places you think nobody knows **… If I had to live without you **…**** "**

_**Once I was safely though the doorway (without any nasty interruptions) I couldn't help but silently laugh at myself for the choice of song my subconscious came up with to help keep me on point. Usually the songs I hummed to myself were the same songs my Mum had liked to sing on the job, so for me to sing one that was basically narrating my actions with such accuracy really did seem ludicrous enough to elicit a laugh or two.** _

_**The sound of agitated male voices drifted from a room down the hall quickly sobered my demeanor and I rushed towards that sound without worrying about meeting anyone (or anything) in the hallway. At the doorway I had my gun held tightly in my right hand and then I aimed it at the far end of the room once I reached the open doorway at the Alpha Vampire who was calmly seated at what looked like a long dining table. To my surprise he had an amused smirk spreading across his face as he watched Edgar grab someone by the lapels of their jacket and pull them closer to his face.** _

" _ **DEAN!" I screamed like a novice on her first hunt (**_ **Stupid girl,** _ **I chided myself instantly) when the face of Edgar's intended victim registered in my mind.**_

_**Dean threw a quick, confused look at me over his right shoulder. I should have known better than to do anything that might potentially draw Dean's attention away from the monster that had his jacket in an unnaturally tight grasp. But I for some reason felt that I owed him a heartfelt cry because no matter what had happened between the two of us; the love, the hate, the indifference, the pain, the ecstasy, the loss, the hurt… No matter how I had treated Dean in the past, he seemed to always come through for me and thankfully on more than one occasion he had actually gone out of his way to save my life. So yeah… Right now I kind of felt like I owed him some sign of absolute support, no matter how misplaced it truly was during this moment of time.** _

_**Edgar's grotesque Leviathan teeth retracted almost immediately at the sound of my voice, but he maintained his unbreakable, vise-like grip on Dean's jacket due to his preternatural strength. Once his face had returned to its humanoid façade, his eyes focused on me where I was still standing frozen in the doorway behind Dean. Suddenly he stammered in a confused daze, "Lonnie…? Is… Is that…?"** _

_**Before he could finish his question, Sam easily sliced a machete through the flesh of the Leviathan's neck. I remained cemented in my spot as I watched Edgar's head fall to one side onto the floor with a sickening and wet THUD.** _

The feeling of relief at seeing the monster that had been plaguing my nightmares for the last few months ran through me again during the memory of the event of his decapitation. "Well… 'Amused' isn't really the emotion that I was going for right now Buddy. It's more… Relieved? Tobs, I… Edgar… Well, he's dead…. Or… Err well he's as dead as we can get one of the Leviathans right now…"

" _WHAT! Really?"_ He questioned without even attempting to try to hide his disbelief. _"But… I mean… Would you…? Do you mind me asking how…? How You…? Umm… How was he finally 'stopped'?"_

"Not at all Buddy. Sam sliced his head off at the Vamp's house while Edgar was trying to eat Dean. I disposed of the head myself so there's no way that it'll be finding its way back to the body anytime soon."

" _Wow… That's… That's… AWESOME! So what is your next move going to be?"_

"I'm really hoping to sneak in a little celebration before I help the guys to find the last two pieces of the weapon's puzzle."

Before he spoke again I could more than picture the cocky grin that was spreading across the teen's face because Toby had long ago given up saying out loud that he knew that Dean and I would be getting back together, but he had never actually given up the hope that we would actually get back together. _"Oh yeah? And what do you have planned for your celebrations…? If you don't mind me asking."_

"Well since we can't have anything with high-fructose corn syrup, I took it upon myself to take your oh so sage advice to heart and I whipped up one of his favorite pies from scratch." I heard him take in a deep breath to reply so I quickly added, "But it is kind of too bad that we can't figure out what Dick did to that additive because it had such an interesting side effect on the vampires here in town."

Just as I had anticipated that it would, my comment piqued Toby's interest and he thankfully refocused his attention to quickly ask, _"What do you mean?"_

"Well I won't go into details right now because neither of us have time for the long version… But here's a bit of a teaser… It's way more effective than dead man's blood."

" _Whoa! Really! That's freaking awesome…! But I guess it kind of sucks too… But I promise that I won't keep you from your celebrations… And I can't wait until you get home so you can tell me all about every detail that happened while you were up there… Stay safe, I love you Addy."_

"Love you too Buddy. I PROMISE I'll drop by as soon as I can fill you in on everything so that I won't leave in suspense for too long, okay?"

After hanging up the phone I pulled out a six pack of beer from the fridge and then I checked the temperature of the pie I had left out cooling on the counter while I was on the phone with Toby. Satisfied that it was cool enough to carry, yet warm enough to taste at its best (especially if vanilla ice cream was involved), I picked it up as well and left my room to meet up with the Winchester brothers.

As I made my way down the hallway, I was somewhat surprised to see the door to the Winchester's room wide open. Although at the same time it didn't really faze me all that much because in the past, on more than one occasion, we (well at least Dean and I) had grown accustomed to leaving the door open for each other during a job, so I just figured that they were continuing that tradition right now without saying anything aloud. That was until I arrived at their door and witnessed the state of their room.

If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that someone (or something, but someONE seemed more likely right now) had broken into the Winchesters' room and ransacked it, but that didn't feel quite right. Then I head Dean calling out "Bobby… Bobby?"

Sam was deeper in the room by an opened safe in the closet as he said, "Dean…?" He finally turned towards his brother then called out, "He's gone."

They both jumped and turned to face me when they heard a bottle break when I dropped the boxed six pack of beer that I had been carrying to the floor beside me. I turned my eyes to the bottles that remained intact in the cardboard container as well and then I felt my jaw clench tightly. I knew that the flask Dean had been using looked beyond familiar, but when I couldn't immediately place its origin to a single person or place I pushed it from my thoughts because I figured that it really wasn't all that important. But now I had a veritable slide-show of times where I remembered Bobby drinking from the same metal receptacle which had me seeing red at nothing more than their stupidity over my own.

"Bobby?" I questioned with an angry bite. "Bobby's been haunting the two of you?!"

Dean just shrugged but it was Sam that finally replied verbally, "Yes… But…"

I threw the pie that I was holding in my right hand at him and Sam ducked just in time to keep the pie from hitting him square in the chest. He stood up to look at the mess of pastry and fruit behind him as I spat out, "How long…? How long have you known that HE was still around?"

"Just a little after the thing with the Shojo," Sam replied sounding somewhat embarrassed and guilty. Dean remained silent and just stared at the ruined pie as if it was a puzzled that needed to be solved solely by him.

"And you didn't say anything to… To… Toby? Damn it…" I muttered more to myself than to either one of them.

"Addy look…" Sam started as he took a large step towards me without actually attempting to reach out and touch me.

I took another large step back from him with my hands out to ward off any attempts for him to approach me while saying, "No! You know what? Save it Sam…" I then turned to leave but I couldn't help myself from stopping to disdainfully call over my shoulder, "Oh… And DO enjoy the pie!"

"We can't eat anything like that right now," Dean replied sounding thoroughly confused. "It could be contaminated and all, you know?"

I almost didn't, but I couldn't help myself and I turned back around to face him so that I both of them could see the sneer on my face when I responded, "I actually baked it fresh today… From scratch… So there's no additives, no preservatives and NO high-fructose corn syrup in my pie at all, just like usual."

Immediately after my declaration I turned on my heel and calmly walked to my room. In the back of my mind I figured that someone (or something) had already trashed the guys' room, so what difference would a spilled pie and a couple of broken bottles make in the grand scheme of things? But more than that, I needed to just get away from both of them right now because I didn't trust myself or what I would do or say to either of the brothers right now in light of our newest revelations.

Of all of the things that I had hoped to learn today, Bobby being a ghost wasn't one of them. At my room I slammed the door closed at the thought that not only was he a spirit, but that he had to have become a vengeful spirit. That was the only scenario that could explain the damage to the motel room. Not to mention the fact that he most probably had to have possessed some poor unsuspecting person in order to open the safe and remove the flask so that he could move around as freely as he would have been able to while he was still alive. Bobby Singer, hunter, researcher extraordinaire, one of the most dependable men in my life was now a pissed off ghost that had no qualms with possessing someone in order to accomplish his goals and I barely had the words to try to describe my feelings about that right now.

"Damn it!" I nearly shrieked as I shoved the last few articles of clothing that I had strewn about the room back into my duffle bag. "DAMN IT! Where would he go? Who is he after? What the fuck do I do next?"

As I packed the last of my personal items into my bag, the answer to one of my questions hit me like a ton of bricks. "Dick Roman… Dick shot him and now he's going to try to get his revenge… Fuck!"

Since the motel already had my credit card information on file so I wasn't worried about leaving without checking out, but I did stop to pull out my wallet. The room was messier than I normally would have left a place I stayed at in the past because of the baking I had done earlier in the day, but I couldn't afford the time to tidy any of it up, so I pulled out some cash to leave as a tip for the housekeeper who was going to be stuck with cleaning up my mess. With that done I moved to the door to do a final once over of the room to make sure that I hadn't left anything important behind. Yes, I was in a hurry, but there was no excuse to have to replace a firearm or any other essential tool of the trade just because I wanted to get away from this place as quickly as I could.

As soon as I was out the door I caught a glimpse of Sam a few feet to my right down the hall. Thankfully the exit was in the opposite direction of where he was standing, so I just turned to my left and stalked down the hallway without acknowledging his presence. It of course was no challenge for Sam to catch up with me in just a couple of long strides and the he grabbed my left arm in an attempt to capture my attention.

When I didn't so much as flinch or slow my steps, Sam tugged gently on my arm pleading, "Addy please… Please just give me a minute to explain."

I don't know what came over me or why my resolve to ignore him broke so easily, but I actually did stop in my spot and dropped my bags at my sides. As I pivoted around to face the youngest Winchester, I shoved him back with both hands as violently as I could shouting, "Explain? EXPLAIN? Whatever could there be for you to 'explain' Sam? What could you possibly say to me right now that could even attempt to justify how you and… And…" I had to take a moment to swallow some of my rage to keep myself from absolutely breaking down into tears of frustration before being able to continue more confidently. "To justify how you and Dean lied to me… And to Toby." Now that I had my second wind I shoved my hands back against his chest several times until I finally had him backed up against a wall.

Sam just stared down at me with his mouth gaping open in shock, which for some unknown reason actually helped me to gain some momentum. I poked my finger, hard, into the same spot over and over on one of his pecks with savage precision as I said in a menacingly calm tone, "You fucking lied to me! ME! After everything I've been through with you and your damn brother… After all of the stupid, sappy pacts and promises we made to each other… I fucking believed every single thing you promised me Sam… Everything…" By this point my tears were flowing freely and my words had lost some of their heat, but I tried my best to ignore my sadness as I continued to rant as strongly as I could. "We pledged… No… Fuck it… You know what Winchester? I'm done. I'm done with the whole fucking lot of you. Dean Winchester, the almighty monster hunter and his faithful side-kick brother Sam obviously know more than anyone else on this planet about defeating evil, so why do the rest of us even try to intervene with them? You two have each other, so why do **I** even try?"

Feeling almost completely numb from my outburst, I turned away from the shell-shocked looking hunter to retrieve my duffle bags. Sam remained still and silent in his spot against the wall, reeling from the words I had just spat out at him. His breathing finally started to slow down while he tried to digest those words and tried to make sense of it all.

"Addy," he finally called out in a soft, cautious voice once he felt that he had finally caught up. "Addy wait… Please just give me a minute… We need…"

"NO!" I cut him off with a low, angry growl. I didn't bother to look over my shoulder at him (in all honesty I wasn't sure that I would be able to maintain my steely exterior if I saw the hurt look in Sam's eyes) and stated as resolutely as I possibly could, "No. I'm done Sam Winchester. I am absolutely fucking done with trying to prove myself to everyone that I AM a worthy hunter… And that includes you and your brother… So fine… You go your way and… Well… Like always I'll go mine. Goodbye Sam… Don't bother to call me and I'll be sure to delete your number too because obviously every word we said to each other was utter and absolute bullshit." By this time I wasn't sure if he was listening or if he could even hear me anymore, but I still added quietly, "It… It just hurts too fucking much to think that you of all people don't trust me."

Before he could utter any words of rebuttal, I rushed out of the building as fast as my feet could carry me. I quickly threw my bags into the backseat over the front seat because securing them in the trunk seemed like it would take too damn long for me to make a truly dramatic exit. Once behind the wheel of my GTO I almost broke down into tears, but I quickly reminded myself that I couldn't allow myself the luxury of anymore tears just yet. I couldn't show that weakness to the Winchesters, not that they were close by to witness it, especially after I had made such a spectacle of telling Sam that I was irrevocably angry with them when in truth I was actually completely heartbroken and deeply wounded emotionally. I once again felt like the kid that everyone was trying to ditch on the playground even though Sam had constantly tried to assure me that I was their equal partner which had always led me to believe that I was a welcomed addition to their team.

I peeled out of the parking lot and didn't stop until I found a rest stop miles away from where I felt like my work had completely crashed down around me. After using the facilities and giving my face a quick scrub to wash away the tracks of my tears, I perused the vending machines to make a few choice purchases (even though I was no longer feeling the hunger pangs that had been plaguing during my drive). Once I got back to my car the food I had purchased was quickly discarded into the passenger's seat in the hopes that the previous, ravenous bought of hunger that I had felt previously would find me at some point in my travels. As it was, right now I tasted only ash in my mouth as I rested my hand on the slight bulge of my cell phone in my jacket pocket. I had felt it vibrate while I was driving and was happy to use the current State laws against driving whilst using a handheld device as the perfect excuse not to answer my phone. But now that I was completely stationary at the rest stop I realized that I had a significant decision to make.

 _What's your excuse now Addy?_ I asked myself before I forced my hand to pull my phone out of my pocket and illuminated the display screen. To my surprise there wasn't a voicemail waiting for me or a missed call like I had predicted, but there was an unopened text message awaiting my attention. _So…? Who do you think that it's from?_

Since there was an off chance that the message could be from Toby, I knew that I was going to check it out no matter what else was happening in my life. Of course the name didn't read 'Derek Jeter', instead the text message was from 'Daniel Jones' which gave me a moment of pause.

"Shit… Sam," I sighed as I read the first line of his message under his clever pseudonym.

"I'M SORRY ADDY, YOU'RE RIGHT" it read prompting me to press the button that would reveal the rest of the words of his message. "WE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT BOBBY. EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE ME, I PROMISE YOU THAT I WON'T BOTHER YOU (OR TOBY) UNLESS ONE OF US IS DEAD OR DYING. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I REALLY AM SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING."

"Shit… Shit…" I cursed again as the first tears of remorse started to fall.

As I eased my car into the driveway, I pulled out my phone and pressed the 'T' key to ring through to that speed dial number.

" _Addy?"_ A groggy sounding voice questioned over the line.

"Sorry I woke you up Buddy, I was hoping to just leave you a message because I wanted to let you know that I'm going to be home for a little bit… Starting tonight, so if you have any free time coming up over the next couple of days…"

" _Seriously?"_ He asked sounding more awake without sound more alert.

"As a heart attack," I answered with a soft chuckle. "But we can get into all of that later, it's late… Well actually it's too early for you to be awake, so you go back to sleep and just head on over whenever you're finished your homework and chores and such, okay?"

" _Okay,"_ he agreed through a long yawn. He seemed to be close to falling back asleep, but he still managed to sneak in a quiet _"Welcome home"_ before he hit END CALL.

I couldn't help but chuckle because this felt absolutely normal to me. Toby was happy that I was home and then he promptly fell back asleep without even hinting to the fact that he sensed that my world was crumbling around me. But maybe if I played my cards right then I could keep up this charade for a little while longer and God willing he might never find out the truth. I know it was beyond wishful thinking, in fact it bordered on delusional, but it was actually the easiest problem for me to solve right now. Wonderful, fooling my nearest and dearest family member into thinking that nothing had changed with me was the 'easiest' item on my agenda to accomplish… I was not excited about the upcoming weeks.

After pulling my bags out of the backseat, I carefully extracted a small, long rectangular box out of my center console. Even though I knew that no one (well no mortal person) was aware of the contents of this box, I couldn't resist the urge to lift the lid to double check that everything was as it should be… That the syringe of blood I had procured from the Alpha Vampire was safely nestled inside the box and was completely undisturbed.

" _ **See you next season," the vampire calmly retorted from where he was standing at the far end of the long dining table.**_

" _ **Looking forward to it," Dean commented with a sneer. He and Sam turned to leave but Dean paused when he noticed that I hadn't moved at all because my eyes remained laser focused on the head that lay near my feet. "Lay! Come on, we gotta go!" He called out to me in a hushed yell.**_

_**My eyes moved up from my feet towards almost reluctantly as I whispered, "I'm sorry… I can't."** _

_**Dean spared a quick glance at the vampire in the room who appeared to be thoroughly amused by what he was witnessing. Dean's jaw clenched and then he stomped over to my side so that he could keep his voice as low as possible while he tried to reason with me.** _

" _ **Lay we got what we came for, so now it's time to go."**_

_**I kept my face tilted down and away so that the only person who could clearly see any part of my face was Dean as I replied, "I know, but I… I can't risk him coming back… I… I dodged him once, I don't know if I can do it again."** _

_**The sensation of Dean gently grabbing my forearm caused me to jump slightly and then I turned my face so that I could look at him straight on. I don't know what he saw, but his facial features softened the instant that our eyes met and then he quietly said, "Okay… Okay. I think I get it. Just… Be careful, alright? I don't like the idea of you being alone with Fang Face over there for too long."** _

_**A brief burst of laughter bubbled up through my chest at that comment and I did nothing to try to suppress it. It was completely inappropriate and yet it was exactly what I needed in that moment in order for me to feel more at ease. I quickly pecked Dean's cheek then assured him in a soft voice, "I'll meet you back at the motel within the hour."** _

_**Although he looked like he wanted to say something else, Dean just squeezed my forearm again and then gave me a nod of understanding before he turned to leave. Once Dean walked past him, Sam just turned to follow his brother without saying a word or having anything said to him. I watched them leave and once they were out of sight I then turned my attention back to the head that was still thankfully sitting by my feet.** _

_**A soft chuckle to my left caused me to jump and then goose bumps spread across my skin when I heard a velvety smooth voice ask, "So is this how they are going to repay my kindness? Leave the dear, sweet Adelaide Jones who has tried to single-handedly strike the fear of… Your God into the hearts of all of my children to finish me off instead of soiling their own hands?"** _

" _ **What?" I gasped as my head shot up to look at the man to my left. The angry look on his face caused me to unconsciously take a step back and I had to swallow hard a few times before I could talk around the lump forming in my throat. "No… No…" I coughed a couple of times and then was finally able to more clearly state, "No, sir… That isn't why I stayed behind."**_

_**His eyes narrowed to show his suspicions about my motives. Calling the Alpha Vamp 'Sir' may have been a little over the top, but I swear that it felt like the right thing to do in the moment.** _

" _ **Then why are you still here Adelaide Victoria Jones?"**_

_**I couldn't help but flinch at the tone he used while saying my full, legal name, but I still tried my best to sound unaffected when I replied, "He…" I jutted my chin down to the dismembered body on the floor. "Edgar kept me captive… I… I want to make sure that that doesn't happen again, so I thought that I could help you with disposing of the body. I mean I was just thinking that you wouldn't want him to be able to go back to Dick and tell him that you gave the Winchesters one of the key ingredients that they need to make a weapon that could potentially destroy him."** _

_**The vampire cocked his head to one side as he calmly replied, "You do have a personal vendetta against this one and I won't stand in your way of that, but…" He stepped around the table to walk towards me as he continued to say in a somewhat smug and happily satisfied tone, "But your heart rate jumped during your explanation… There's something you aren't telling me Adelaide. What is it Adelaide? What are you dying to tell me, but are too afraid to say out loud?"** _

_**I shivered slightly at the feeling of his breath on my skin and I had to take a moment to try to compose myself. When I did try to speak, I was really glad that his face was so close to touching mine because my voice came out much breathier and quiet than I had wanted it to when I answered, "They have no backup plan."** _

_**He reached a hand up to gently stroke the side of my face with the back of his hand as he whispered to me almost intimately (mostly to distract me from the fact that he was kicking Edgar's head further away from his body because it had somehow moved a few inches while I was talking), "And why is that such a terrible thing Adelaide? I don't expect this is their first time jumping into the pool feet first without a life preserver… Why is this time so different?"** _

_**I didn't want to say it, hell I didn't even want to think it, but with him standing this close to me I knew that he could feel my unease and my pulse rate speeding up so I threw caution to the wind and opted to tell him the truth in the hopes that it would bring him into my corner, "It's different because…" I had to take in a deep breath to try to calm myself before I could speak in a slightly more steady voice. "They're blinded by their grief more this time. They want vengeance for Bobby's death and don't want to just do what's right for humanity."** _

" _ **Oh, but that isn't all that different from when Dean shot the demon that had destroyed his family by taking all of their lives, little Sammy included."**_

" _ **No," I nearly sobbed out because of my discomfort at not only being this close to a creature I had worked the majority of my life to destroy, but also at having to admit these feelings out loud to another living soul… Well another conscious being. "No, this is different. Dean was avenging his mother and he had over twenty years to compartmentalize those feelings before fighting Azazel, but now… Now the wounds are so fresh… Too fresh…"**_

" _ **And yours aren't?" He questioned while still standing too close for comfort.**_

_**I took in a deep, cleansing breath then stepped out of his hold before I more easily said, "No… And yes… I… I still mourn losing Bobby…" I explained honestly knowing that he would pick up on any attempts I could make at deception. "But I've had to deal with avenging immediate pain for much longer than either of them have… I know how to use that pain to make the bad guy pay for their transgressions without it clouding my judgment as much… At least not straightaway…"** _

_**He chuckled lowly in his throat and actually let me step even further away. He then look down at Edgar's body then asked, "Alright, but even if I give you my blood…? How do you expect to get the other ingredients that you need to make the Leviathan killing weapon?"** _

_**I picked up Edgar's head by his short hair and then I turned to the vampire and very confidently stated, "Don't worry yourself about that, I'll figure it out."** _

I took my time putting all of the ingredients together from my stock in the garage and refused to admit to myself that I was going so slowly because I was afraid. I had no guarantees that this would even work and after my performance at the vampire's home I knew that I couldn't afford not to succeed. I just couldn't allow myself to lose face to him. He thought that I truly believed that the Winchesters might not be victorious when in fact I truly just wanted them to have more than one weapon on hand when they went up against Dick Roman. I hated the idea that the one they were making could get stolen or knocked away from them or any other number of things that could happen to it before they could kill the chief Leviathan because then where would we be?

When I had everything together, I said a silent prayer and then I like a wooden match on the box's side. I couldn't help it and I just stared at the flame on the match end for a moment before I forced myself to throw it into the bowl. The contents burst into a brief, high flare of fire and then I was left looking at just a smoldering bowl of charred remains.

"Adelaide," I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me. "To what do I owe this immense pleasure?"

I snatched up a bottle of scotch form the table before I turned around to face him so quickly that I almost fell to my knees. "I need to ask you for a favor."

He took the bottle that I had been holding at an arm's length to examine the label more closely. He then twisted the lid off the neck of the bottle, sniffed the contents and then he gave me a quirked eyebrow as part of his questioning look.

"Glass! Of course you need a glass so that you can have a drink," I nearly shouted in my haste. I didn't even have to turn or take my off of the new comer in any way to reach behind myself to grab the tumbler glass I had brought out with me and left on the table top so that I could pass it to him.

He poured himself a glassful of the amber liquid and then he took a hearty swallow and smiled contentedly at the glass in his hand. "It's been a while since I've been able to enjoy a glassful of this." He then took his eyes off his drink and I had to force myself not to squirm under the weight of his gaze. "But enough about me and my comforts… What was it that you were saying before my dear, sweet Adelaide?"

I stayed in my spot as he slowly made his approach towards me to put the glass and bottle back down on the table. He then started to circle me while I continued to try my best not to shake in my spot or to show him my fear in any other way.

"I said that I need to ask you for a favor," I repeated just over a whisper.

"A favor you say," he mocked as he gently took a hold of my right upper arm. I closed my eyes to try to keep from reacting to the direct eye contact that he was doing his best to force between the two of us. "And what…?"

When he didn't finish his question I opened my eyes and gasped loudly. Instead of being in my garage like I had anticipated, I was now standing in front of Crowley in a brightly lit office where the color scheme was dominated by anything made in white. The demon squeezed my arm that he was still holding as if he was trying to tell me to stay calm and quiet, but I couldn't help from feeling anything but tense at our current change of scenery.

Crowley of course didn't miss a beat and just looked at someone who was standing behind me to calmly state, "Hello…" He then slowly moved his eyes to look up at the ceiling where a red and black devil's trap was revealed at the flick of a switch. I silently gasped again, but Crowley once again didn't allow this road block to change his demeanor as he continued his fairly cordial greeting, "Dick."

"Mister Crowley, we have so much to talk about. Take a seat." Crowley eased his weight into a chair that had been sitting behind him while I remained completely frozen in my spot. "And you… Miss…?"

Crowley smiled smugly up at me from his comfortable chair, but I forced myself to ignore him the best that I could right now. I hated to admit it, but I need him even more now if I wanted to live to see another day and the worst part about my predicament was that he seemed to know this fact as well.

After taking in a slow, deep breath, I slowly turned to face the smiling monster that was still standing behind his desk. As soon as he saw my face, his smile wilted away piece by piece until he had a confused frown dominating his face and he didn't try to hide his shock as he said, "Lonnie…" He paused a moment to compose himself and more cheerily said, "It's been a while since we last spoke… And I'm sure that you're just dying to tell me all about what you've been up to lately young lady."

I didn't have to turn around to know that Crowley's face had fallen out of his smug smirk at Dick's familiarity with me. The Leviathan continued to smile so widely that he looked like the perfect predator while I was feeling like the proverbial prey. I swallowed so thickly that I'm sure they both could hear it and tried to come up with a witty retort, but all I could manage to get out of my overly dry mouth was a weak, "Dick…"


	39. And The Wheels Start To Run Off The Road

Crowley smiled smugly up at me from his comfortable chair, but I forced myself to ignore him the best that I could right now. I hated to admit it, but I needed the demon even more now if I wanted to live to see another day and the worst part about my predicament was that he seemed to know this fact as well and was revealing in that feat.

After taking in a long, deep breath, I slowly turned to face the smiling monster that was still standing behind the desk. As soon as he saw my face, his smile wilted away piece by piece until he had a confused frown dominating his facial features and he didn't try to hide his shock as he said, "Lonnie _…_ " He paused for a moment so that he could compose himself and then he more cheerfully said, "Lonnie it has been a while since we last spoke _…_ And I'm sure that you're just dying to tell me what you've been up to lately young lady."

I didn't have to turn around to know that Crowley's face had fallen out of his smug smirk at Dick's obvious familiarity with me. The Leviathan continued to smile so widely that he looked like the perfect predator while I stood there feeling like the proverbial prey. I swallowed so thickly that I'm sure that they both could hear it and I tried to come up with a witty retort, but all I could manage to get out of my overly dry mouth was a weak, "Dick _…_ "

The Leviathan's grin actually grew wider causing me to automatically cast my eyes to the floor and open my mouth to apologize for being so informal, but Dick laughed then said, "Oh now don't you dare even think about trying to apologize Lonnie. I'm just glad that I've finally broken you of that old nasty habit of calling me 'Mr. Roman'."

That comment caused me to sneak a peek at the demon sitting behind me. Crowley caught me trying to covertly look at him so he attempted to school his face, but I was still able to briefly take in a look of pure shock from him. Even though I knew that my bought of amnesia hadn't been a widely advertised event, I still didn't expect that it would surprise the King of Hell that this monster would know me so well or to that extent. After everything I had seen in hell, I figure that Crowley had seen (and done) it all, and yet he could still be surprised by a lowly human, who knew?

While I was half turned and looking at Crowley, Dick had quietly made his way around his desk to walk closer to us. When I straightened up in my spot, I jumped slightly at his now close proximity. He reached out almost as if he was going to hug me or grab (alright maybe just touch) my arm, but I felt with every fiber of my being that I couldn't allow him to do either of those actions. I took a large step back and away from him causing Dick to drop his hands back to his sides while his grin started to fall into a profound and somewhat confused frown.

"Lonnie," he said sounding wounded in an overly dramatic way. "You used to greet me in your home with open arms. In fact, if I recall correctly it was you that insisted that we were friends and that friends should greet each other with more than just a handshake. You insisted on hugging me 'hello' and 'goodbye' despite MY protests at being that touchy feely anytime I came to your home to visit with you and Edgar."

He made no move to get closer to me, but I still took a couple more steps back to increase the distance between the Leviathan and myself quietly replying, "Yeah, I remember that, but that was _…_ " I swallowed the end of my sentence as I wrapped my arms around myself protectively. "That was _…_ Umm _…_ "

The cocky smirk returned to Dick's face just before he morphed into a perfect clone of me. I jumped back a couple of feet when I heard my voice say, "That was when you had amnesia, so if I touch you now I'll have full access to ALL of your memories."

Dick somehow managed to contort my lips into his signature smirk as he seamlessly morphed back into his body. _Oh shit!_ I silently cursed to myself as a horrific thought dawned on me. I stumbled back a few more feet under the weight of my new revelation as to why the Leviathans had been so interested in me and I didn't even notice that I had actually landed in Crowley's lap. If he reacted to my being so close to him I wasn't given any indication because I remained so lost in my own frantic thoughts.

 _SHIT! Shit! That's what they wanted me for… It wasn't to mess with Dean and Sam; it was to find out what I knew about the two of them._ I looked towards Dick, who had thankfully moved back behind his desk, but the distance did nothing to calm my nerves. _Shit... Fuck... New primary objective in life is to keep him from touching me EVER AGAIN._

"Adelaide," I heard Crowley say like he had repeated himself a few times before my name registered with me. "Adelaide _…_ "

I still wasn't fully conscious or aware of my surroundings as I turned my head to look at the face that accompanied the voice that continued to repeat my name. Crowley lifted his left hand to gingerly touch my right cheek as he quietly said, "Adelaide... Love you don't look so well." Without realizing it, I started to shake my head emphatically in response to everything that was happening and the thoughts running through my mind. Crowley actually gave me a look that seemed to be of genuine concern as he quietly said, "It's alright _…_ Addy _…_ Addy it will be okay."

Crowley then turned his eyes to the other monster in the room saying, "So Dick, I assume that you 'called' me here to discuss some business, why don't we get to that?"

"Yes, yes of course," Roman agreed shaking his head to clear some of his thoughts away. He then stood, extended a hand over his desk towards me and Crowley, but he let it drop to his side almost immediately after he had it raised waist high. "Of course, but first _…_ Lonnie? Why don't you come with me so I can take you somewhere safe so Crowley and I can have some privacy?"

That question got my attention causing me to sit up straight and to finally move to get off Crowley's lap. Thankfully I wasn't worried about looking graceful in front of either man because instead of standing up, I spilled myself onto the floor and I landed hard on my hands and knees. Since I was already on all fours, I crawled behind Crowley's chair before even attempting to stand up so I could use the chair's back to help to steady myself on my shaky legs.

I held the back of the demon's chair in a white knuckled death grip to help keep me vertical. Crowley reached over his right shoulder to pat my hand with his left hand as he said, "Although I agree that we require some privacy, I don't think that I'll be letting Adelaide go anywhere with you. That spell summons me here and Adelaide only came along for the ride because I was unfortunately holding onto her arm, so I would prefer to send her home where she belongs. She need not be involved any further than she already has been in our affairs since it was my mistake bringing her here."

"Adelaide?" Dick questioned looking me square in the eye.

I nodded and swallowed hard before quietly answering, "Yeah _…_ Yes _…_ That's my real name."

"Adelaide _…_ Addy," he mused looking lost in his own thoughts once again. He started to smile and it was just on this side of sinister as he quickly morphed his face and body to look like Dean. "Lay _…_ Right _…_ Oh the memories he has of you." He closed his eyes as he rifled through any number of memories that Dean and I had made together. His eyes suddenly shot open as he quietly chuckled then asked, "IN their bed? You are much kinkier than I would have predicted Miss Adelaide Jones."

A warm dark blush spread from my cheeks to my ears as I turned my face away from Dean's smiling face. I would have turned my back on him but Crowley's firm grip on my wrist kept me in my place. The demon must have sensed my unease and embarrassment because he patted my hand encouragingly and then let me go completely.

"Yes, yes Dean and Addy had a steamy love affair, nothing we didn't already know," Crowley commented as if he was completely uninterested. "Now if you'd change out of that handsome visage so that we can get down to business?" He then stood up to turn and face me. "And now to send you home."

I forced myself to make eye contact with Crowley as I hoarsely whispered, "Thanks. But _…_ Why?"

He winked then whispered, "You'll owe me one."

In the blink of an eye, I was back in my garage. My knees couldn't hold my weight and I would have like to have been able to blame the demon tele-porting me, but in all honestly I knew that it was because of my emotional distress. I landed hard on my rear end and just remained in that spot on the floor for the time being while I tried to catch my breath.

"Shit," I cursed out softly as I pulled my knees up to my chest. "Shit! What does he mean by 'you'll owe me one'? Fuck _…_ Fuck _…_ Whatever it is, it can't be anything good.

I don't know how long I sat there just rocking back and forth and cursing softly, but the next thing I knew, I was standing by the table holding the bowl of singed ingredients. I dumped the contents of the bowl into the garbage before turning my attention back to the table. Even though I couldn't get the look on Crowley's face off my mind, I decided to tackle a challenge that I could conquer right now: cleaning up the supplies I had used to summon Crowley in the garage.

The task was benign enough that my thoughts remained focused on trying to figure out the meaning of Crowley's last statement to me. That easily turned into my imagination coming up with all kinds of interesting and disturbing ways that the demon might try to collect on this debt. By the time I had everything put away I was shivering and felt slightly nauseated.

As I walked towards my back door, I huddled into my jacket and pulled it as tightly as I could around my torso. That didn't help to ease the shivering or my feelings of dread that had washed over me while I was in the garage because after spending some time with Crowley on his home turf, my imagination had a lot of new material to use for its 'what if' scenarios. My footsteps slowed as I thrust my hands even deeper into my pockets in the hopes that I could at least warm them up and I soon stopped and just stared at nothing while I continued to shiver violently.

With my shoulders hunched and my hands stuffed as far as they could go into my coat pockets, I stood in the middle of my yard and was now just staring at my back door. I needed to find refuge somewhere until I could shake off these thoughts and feelings, but for some reason my house didn't feel like a safe place. Well if I was being honest with myself I did actually know the reasons why my house didn't immediately inspire thoughts of safety and security, but that didn't change the fact that I still felt some unease here.

"Dammit," I sighed out violently. "So what do you do now Girly Girl?"

My eyes remained focused on the back door as my hands finally started to unclench in my pockets. I almost jumped as if something bit me when the fingers of my right hand brushed against something in my pocket. After an embarrassed laugh passed my lips, I pulled the object out slowly so that I could inspect it.

"Dammit!" I cursed with a laugh when the 'offending' item came into view. "I am such an idiot."

My hand automatically wrapped itself tightly around the key to my GTO as a smile spread across my face. My Poppy had started to refurbish his classic muscle car pretty much the day after I told him that it was 'my favoritest car ever' when I was a child and I still felt the same way about the car decades later. Sydney had tried to tarnish my memories of my Phantom (the name I gave my car the day I received it as a birthday gift), but after making it home when my amnesia had cleared those doubts were forgotten. Poppy was one of the few people in my life who always made me feel loved and protected and a ghost of those feelings always returned to me whenever I was behind the wheel of my car.

Once I was in the driver's seat, I could feel my heart rate slowing and I could feel my core thawing out. As my mind cleared I realized that I had to get away from my house. Yes Crowley could probably find me anywhere that I tried to hide, but this was the place from which he and his goons had kidnapped me and now it was the place where I had summoned him, so I assumed this would be the first place for him to come looking for me. Sure he would follow my trail and would eventually find me, but putting some distance between myself and this place felt like a good idea and I was going to go with it.

I started the car with the full intention of driving around aimlessly for a while just to be away from my house when I hear a familiar voice singing **And now I love you Love you only slightly less Than I loved you Loved you And it's hard to confess But my nearly love is not real enough...**

"Toby!" I whispered almost tearfully. How could I have forgotten the three people who had been my foundation for nearly a decade? I had been so used to running to them to tend to my wounds, both physical and emotional, so why hadn't I thought of them sooner? Why wasn't their house the first safe haven to come to mind?

"Fuck," I sighed out at the dashboard as I drove when the answer hit me. "Crowley _…_ I don't want them to have to deal with him too _…_ Shit _…_ but he's got business with Dick so it isn't like he'll be here today or anything, right?"

That reasoning seemed to be enough to ease some of the tension in my upper back which obviously meant I wasn't feeling guilty. Right? Okay, so my stomach still felt like it was a ship stuck in the eye of a hurricane, so I knew that I was still feeling at least a little bit guilty. But about what? That was the most important question for me.

I parked behind Bill's pickup and answered aloud, "I can't believe this wasn't the first place I thought to come to and hide."

If I believe it to be true, even just a little bit, then it wasn't a lie, right? Well even if that wasn't true I was more than happy to put my faith into this lie because I didn't want to investigate those feelings any deeper right now.

Somehow I had grown used to just letting myself into the Connor's house without knocking since returning from Edgar's house. Maureen had told me numerous times that I was family and that I had my own room in their home, so there was no need for me to act like a stranger or a visitor. I of course still had a key to let myself in because Dean and I had spent nearly a year here following my horrific car accident that caused me to lose our daughter, but I still felt somewhat odd using it to unlock their door. This was a house I had lived in while I healed, but it had never truly felt like my home. Plus Maureen was in the habit of leaving the back door unlocked when they were home now that she had neighbor's close by. Since moving into town she had become more like a stereotypical fifties housewife with an open door policy for all of the neighborhood kids. Of course the endless supply of fresh chocolate chip cookies and homemade pies didn't seem to hurt to attract teenage boys to the house on a frequent basis.

At the back door I hesitated slightly with my hand over the door knob. Before I could pull it away to ball my fingers into a fist and knock, I forced myself to open the door. It was a simple action and yet it seemed to take all the willpower that I had to do it. The absurdity of this train of thought caused me to laugh self-consciously as I walked through the doorway.

I was still chuckling to myself as I quietly closed the kitchen door, but I immediately fell silent when I heard someone shout, "But that's not fair!"

 _Toby?_ I thought to myself as I made my way to the living room. _Who the hell is he fighting with so loudly?_ I figured that I would be able to answer my own question when the other party replied, but the response must have come out too low for me to hear it because the next thing I knew, I heard Toby replying to their response.

"But all of the other guys are going to do it together! It won't be the same if I can't go with them!" Toby shouted sounding exasperated.

When I made it to the living room doorway, my question was finally answered. Toby was arguing with his mother, but unlike myself or Bill (to some extent) she didn't rise to his baiting her by raising her voice during their "conversation". Instead Maureen looked exactly as she usually did in her La-Z-Boy recliner with her latest knitting project draped across her lap.

Neither of them seemed to have noticed me, so I tried my best to remain as quiet as possible. Although it was hard for me to stifle a surprised noise when Maureen answered because her voice sounded so calm and serene especially compared to Toby's ranting and raving. "And as I told you before, that isn't a valid excuse ever to do something. You are your own person and you will make your own decisions."

"But _…_ "

"No Tobias. I warned you that issues such as this could and would come up when you decided to join the senior team. If I recall correctly, we put a situation similar to this one in the 'Con' category before you made your final decision," Maureen interrupted with the slightest hint of superiority slipping into her tone.

"I know, but," Toby tried again sounding calmer. He then noticed me standing in the doorway. Before continuing with his previous argument he pointed an accusatory finger in my direction nearly shouting with excitement. "ADDY! Addy has a tattoo and you don't think that she's a hooligan or a criminal!"

Maureen turned her head to face me and gave me a sympathetic smile in response to the shocked expression on my face. I still wasn't sure what the two of them were arguing about, but since Toby had effectively pulled me into the middle of it, I felt like I should enter the room. Maureen shook her head softly and looked like she wanted to apologize for Toby involving me in their fight but she maintained her focus on her son.

"Well Tobias," Maureen responded while turning her attention back to the blanket she was knitting. "Firstly, Adelaide isn't my daughter and the rules of her household were different for her growing up than mine are for you. Secondly _…_ " Maureen paused there to turn and face Toby and I had to admit I was slightly taken aback by the look on her face. I had expected her to have her typical peaceful smile spreading across her face, but instead she had her own version of a smug smirk tugging at her lips as she continued her response, "If I recall correctly, Adelaide was eighteen when Victoria took her to get her protection tattoo. And as I've told you four times now, when you're eighteen like your teammates are right now and you don't require my signature on a permission slip _…_ Well then you too can make the choice to mutilate your body as well. But since you are still a minor and you DO require parental permission to permanently disfigure yourself, which you do not and WILL NOT get, I believe that that means that this issued is concluded and no further discussion is needed."

"BUT MOM _…_!" Toby started with a whine, but he swiftly cut himself off when his insolent tone failed to insight any reaction from his mother. He shook his head as his facial features hardened into a deep scowl as he mumbled, "This is such bullshit."

I stared at him in wide-eyed disbelief as Maureen turned around once again to face him. I don't know what she did, but Toby actually flinched in his spot as if she had reached out and struck him. She then stood up and took a couple of steps around her chair so that he could experience the full weight of her glare causing him to shrink back against the wall behind him.

"That is more than enough out of you Tobias. I told you the argument was over so I don't want to hear another word out of you about this subject. As for your belligerent vocabulary, you are going to go to your room now and you are going to think of a way to apologize to me for being so disrespectful," Maureen stated in a severely authoritative tone without making herself sound irrationally angry. "And don't you dare get it in your head that I'm still going to let you play in that tournament this weekend. You can consider yourself grounded until further notice young man."

Toby's eyes flew open and he looked like he was nearly on the verge of tears when he tried to argue, "But _…_ "

"I said not another word! Now go to your room and don't come out until I come to retrieve you to help me make dinner," Maureen interrupted coming dangerously close to shouting for the first time since I entered the house. Her voice held a tone of definite finality that Toby acknowledged by fleeing down the hallway to his room. To my surprise he actually closed his bedroom door quietly which I was sure was his attempt at making a small peace offering to his angry mother.

Once Toby followed her directive, Maureen turned on her heel and returned to her spot on her recliner and picked up her knitting as if the argument had never happened. It took me a couple of minutes to catch up with my racing thoughts of disbelief. Once I realized that I was still standing there with my mouth hanging open, I forced myself to close it and make my way to a spot on the couch close to Maureen's side.

"Whoa _…_ Mo what was THAT all about?" I asked as I sat down.

She sighed heavily and shook her head as she answered, "It's so silly and petty. I'm sorry that you had to witness that ugliness Sweetheart."

"'Ugliness'?" I replied with a chuckle. "Oh that was nothing compared to the throw down, no holds barred screaming matches that I've had with Dean."

Maureen scowled softly at that statement then she said, "Of course, but to answer your earlier question Tobias was trying to convince me to agree to allow him to get a tattoo with his teammates. They've planned something out in case they win this tournament because for the majority of them this will be the last tournament with the team. After this they'll graduate and hopefully move onto college or the minor leagues."

"And you won't give him permission." I made it a statement but the stern look on Maureen's face told me that she thought that I was questioning her decision.

Before I could clarify my statement she replied, "No I will not and as I told him, that is my absolute and final decision."

"I know, I know. And not that it matters, but I agree whole-heartedly with your decision. I might argue if he was wanting to get the protection symbol tattooed on himself somewhere, but just some random design that he came up with his teammates? That has 'you'll regret it' written all over it."

Maureen's face softened immediately and she smiled warmly as she said, "I'm so relieved you agree with me. I was almost worried that he would be able to recruit you to try to convince me to let him get it done. That is if he hasn't already found a new topic to argue with me about."

"A new topic? You mean...? This isn't the first fight that he's started with you?" I asked unable to hide my disbelief because this was so out of character for Toby. He was prone to starting arguments with me, but I figured that it was because I needed the tension reliever of a screaming match as much as he did whenever we were researching and coming up with dead ends. Now I wasn't so sure that that was the actual reasoning behind his surly behavior as of late.

"No Adelaide, no it isn't," she replied with a sad sigh. "Lately it seems like all he ever does is argue with me. One day he wants to get his learner's permit, the next he doesn't have time to study for it because he's doing research on a hunt for you or working on his timing at the plate. One day he's begging me to agree to let him go out on a hunt with you then the next day he flies into a rage when I suggest calling you because he wants to spend his summer playing baseball. It seems like no matter what I say to him, it's the wrong thing. I don't know what to do anymore Adelaide, really I don't."

She sounded like she was on the verge of tears so I reached over to pull her into a tight hug to try to comfort her. "Mo I'm so sorry you've been going through all of that. Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

Maureen pushed out of my embrace and cupped my cheek with her hand and gave me the saddest smile I had ever seen on her face. "Sweetheart you know I appreciate all of the help that you have given us over the years when we needed a place for Tobias to stay and everything else that you've done for him, but I'm his mother. When it comes to problems with discipline and disobedience, it's myself and his father who are tasked to correct it, so there was no need to burden you with this information."

"Mo you know that it isn't a burden. You three are the only family I have left and I'll be damned if I won't do everything in my power to help you guys through any difficult times. Understood?" I proclaimed keeping my voice soft to ensure that she would hear my concern for her, Bill and Toby.

She ran her thumb over my cheek while tears started to form in her eyes as she said, "I understand and I think you might be right, maybe you can be a solution to this problem. I haven't been able to get him to confide in me, but maybe he will tell his big sister about whatever it is that has been bothering him."

I pulled her into another hug and answered against her hair, "I can only promise to try my best."

Maureen squeezed me in her arms saying, "That's all that I can ask of you. Thank you so much for what you are going to do Sweetheart. And no matter the outcome I appreciate the effort."

She let me go to pet my cheek again and I could feel my eyes starting to tear up when I noticed that she had started to cry. Her voice had remained steady and only the moisture on her cheeks served as evidence of the anguish that she was feeling about this situation. She then abruptly turned her attention back to her knitting project so I got up off the couch and walk towards Toby's room. I paused briefly to dry my eyes and cheeks on my sleeve and turned to look at the back of Maureen's head. The only other time I had seen Maureen this upset was when Toby had been abducted so I couldn't help but wonder how long this hostility between mother and son had been going on.

At Toby's bedroom door I knocked softly and received a terse, incensed reply of, "What?" in return.

I cracked the door open to pop my head in and said, "How 'bout we try that again?"

After closing the door I knocked again, trying to make it sound lighter this time. After a couple of breaths I heard a heated, "What do YOU want?"

"Whoa," I stated as I walked through the door. "I would offer to let you try greeting me again properly, but I get the feeling that I'm just going to get even more attitude from you."

"Then maybe you should take the hint and stop trying," he commented with more disdain than I thought that he could muster as he rolled over on his bed so that his back was facing me.

I pulled his chair away from his computer desk and sat down facing his bed. I wasn't sure what I could say that wouldn't result in a testy response from the teenager so I opted to remain silent. I made myself comfortable with my elbows on my knees and my chin resting on the steepled fingertips of both of my hands while I just continued to watch him breathing. His shoulders weren't shaking, so I was pretty confident that he wasn't crying and I was fairly certain that the heaving motion of his breathing was due to his numerous angry outbursts over the last hour.

Toby continued to ignore me long enough that my knees started to ache where my elbows were pressing into them, so I shifted in my seat so that I was slumped down in the chair. I could feel myself starting to scowl, so I forced my face to be more neutral to try to make it appear that I wasn't angry when he turned around to face me again. IF he ever decided to turn over to face me. No, he couldn't ignore me forever, could he?

Just as I opened my mouth to speak, I heard him heave a heavy sigh and grunted out an annoyed huff. "Seriously?" He spat out still facing the wall. He then turned over (well it looked more like a fish flopping around on a dock than a teenager rolling over onto his side) then he glared at me saying, "Me not talking to you was kind of a hint that I didn't WANT to talk with you, so _…_ Yeah _…_ "

"Well look at you Mister Sarcastic," I attempted to joke, but my own sullenness slipped into my tone making me sound like I was just being as bitchy as he was at the moment.

Toby's response was to roll his eyes and sit up on his bed as he said, "Yeah _…_ Well _…_ I learned from the best." His reply must have elicited the response that he had wanted, my face contorting into a look of astonishment, because he actually cracked a small quick smile. "But seriously Addy, I don't want to talk about it."

I nodded then smiled softly which caused him to let out a relieved sigh and to shake out most of the tension in his shoulders. I'm sure that he expected me to leave everything at that and to just get up and leave, but I had promised his mother that I would try my best to find out the truth about what was going on with him, so I couldn't allow myself to walk away from this room just yet.

"So _…_ " I started cautiously. "What design did your teammates come up with?"

"What?" He asked in that automatic way we all do when someone catches you off guard by asking a question you weren't prepared for as opposed to not actually hearing the words that they had said.

"The tattoo _…_ It must be a pretty awesome design for you to fight with your mom about it so much."

"Oh _…_ " He cast his eyes to his hands folded in his lap as a dark blush spread across his cheeks. "Umm it's going to be something that looks like our own crest or something with baseball bats instead of swords and stuff."

"Really? That sounds pretty interesting. Do you have a picture of it?" I asked with genuine curiosity.

Toby was shaking his head, still staring at his hands. "No, the guys haven't finalized the design yet."

"Seriously?" I questioned through a burst of laughter causing Toby's head to shoot up so he could glare at me once again. I threw my hands up in a sign of surrender as I apologized, "Sorry I didn't mean to sound like a jerk, but usually when someone is planning on getting a tattoo they have pictures of it because they can't wait to show it off to people."

Toby shrugged then replied, "Yeah well they have a concept figured out but none of us are artists so putting it together has been kind of hard."

"But you think they'll get it done by the time the tournament is over?" Toby once again had his chin pressed to his chest and just shrugged in response to my question. I waited a moment for him to speak, but the only noise he issued was a soft sniffle. I jumped out of my seat and sat beside him on his bed. When he made no attempts to move away from me, I placed my right hand over both of his in his lap. When I spoke again I made sure to keep my voice as soft and caring as possible. "Toby? Buddy? What's going on with you? Mo says that you've been picking fights with her lately and that just doesn't sound like you. Now when you pick a fight with me _…_ I get it because I'm a pain in the ass, but you've always gotten along so well with your mom and I can't see her pushing your buttons like I do."

Toby sniffled again loudly and twisted his body so that he could bury his face in his hands. He didn't appear to be trying to get away from me, so I took my chances and wrapped my arm around his shoulders to give him a modified side hug. As soon as I had my side pressed against his, I felt his shoulders start to shake, but him resting his head against my shoulder and letting his tears hit my shirt gave me the confirmation that I was correct.

I then wrapped my left arm around him so that I was hugging him properly. "Toby? Come on _…_ Please tell me what has you so upset. Please?"

He shook his head and replied against my shoulder, "You'll think it's stupid."

"No I won't Buddy. If it's important enough to bring you to tears then I'm sure I won't think that it's stupid."

He continued to cry quietly so I just rubbed soothing circles on his upper back. The longer he cried the more certain I became that there was something more than just a few fights with his mother that was bothering the teen that I held in my arms.

"Hey… Hey… Tobs it's okay… Whatever it is, we'll figure it out… Just take your time Bubby… There's no rush," I whispered against his ear. He continued to cry quietly so I tried my best just to give him the time he needed to get this angst out of his system so that he would hopefully be able to talk with me or at least clue me into whatever the hell was happening with him lately.

After an unknown amount of time, I felt Toby squeeze me in his arms as he took in a couple of slow, deep, calming breaths. Although his tears had subsided, Toby's breathing was still too quick and too shallow for me to think that he had become completely calm. The fact that he was still clinging to me seemed like a good sign, however his lack of discourse kept me slightly on edge.

I continued running my hands up and down Toby's back while rubbing circles on his tense muscles at random intervals because there wasn't much else I could think of to do right now. In the back of my mind I knew that this was one of my sure fire ways to help Dean relax, but I refused to allow myself to consciously acknowledge that fact. I had to force myself no to think of him in this moment because I had to remember that Dean and I were no longer able to play the roles of 'Mum and Dad', especially now that we were no longer a part of each other's lives. I instead had to force myself to revert back to my old way of thinking, the way I had adopted when Dean and I split up for the first time, the one where I was just a 'big sister' figure in Toby's life and not a 'maternal' presence. That role had always been easier for me to play when Dean was out of the picture so I reminded myself yet again that he wasn't around anymore because I had chosen to cut him out of my life and I was happier for it. I really was… Wasn't I?

Before I could get lost in that kind of thinking, I heard Toby heave a heavy sigh and then he mumbled against my shirt, "She called me a freak."

When his words registered in my brain I felt myself go completely rigid in his arms. _Who called him a freak? Mo? No… No way! There is absolutely no way she would ever say something like that to Toby… But then again she IS the person that Toby has been fighting with the most. But… No! There's no way it can be her, right? Right?_

Even though my conflicting thoughts kept racing through my mind, I still managed to quietly ask in an even tone, "Who called you that Tobs? It wasn't your mom was it?"

"What?" He replied as he sat back to look me in the eye. He started shaking his head rapidly from side to side saying, "No, no mom would never say something like that to anyone… Ever! Why would you think that she would?"

"Well…" I started in a soft, concerned voice as I dried some of his tears with my shirt sleeves. "She told me that you've been really argumentative with her lately and I just figured that that could be a reason why."

"Oh… No, it wasn't mom," he repeated as he started to blush slightly.

He turned his eyes down to his hands that were in his lap and nervously picked at the cuff of his left sleeve. Although he had his chin pressed to his chest so that I couldn't see his face, I could tell that he had started to cry again because his shoulders were shaking slightly.

I moved closer to his side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He didn't try to push me away, so I ran my hand up and down the length of his arm to comfort him. I then pressed my forehead against his temple and whispered, "Buddy, please talk to me. Who hurt you this badly? I can't help you unless I know. Please?"

Toby grunted out a sound that sounded like "Nuh uh" before he quietly protested with a whine, "You'll think it's stupid."

Since we had returned to square one I figured it was time to try a different tactic to get the truth out of him. I moved my hands so that I was gripping each of his shoulders and then I shifted his position on the bed so that he was facing me. He settled in his seat and then I gently forced him to raise his face with a bent knuckle under his chin. His eyes were closed once his face was raised, so I petted his cheek and remained silent until he finally opened his eyes.

Once we had established proper eye contact, I smiled warmly then said, "Have I said anything remotely close to that about anything that you've told me so far?" He shook his head from side to side looking totally miserable. "No I haven't, so I promise that I'll try to keep an open mind about whatever it is that you think I'll say is stupid, okay? I just really need you to keep talking to me, alright? You trust me, don't you Buddy?"

He nodded softly then hoarsely replied, "Yeah I've always been able to trust you."

"Good. So trust me now, okay? I really want to help you, but I can't do that unless I know what's going on… So…? Who is this girl that called you such a nasty name?"

Toby sat there silently for a few minutes without moving and then he wiped his face harshly on his sleeves. Once his cheeks were dry, Toby avoided making eye contact once again while he nearly whispered, "Her… Her name is Heather… She and I have had a few classes together since… And…"

"She was at your Bar-B-Que, right?" I interrupted in the hopes that he would expedite this portion of his explanation. He nodded and bit his lip hard to keep me from seeing it start to tremble. I placed a hand on each of his cheeks then added with a soft tease, "And from what your mom's been telling me, she's also kind of your girlfriend now too, right?"

Toby let out a tearful laugh then said, "Well now she definitely isn't my girlfriend anymore and come Monday I'm pretty sure she'll make sure that no girl will ever want to go out on a date with me ever again… Because nobody wants to date the class weirdo."

The last part of his statement was said with equal parts venom and despair, so I tried to pull him into another hug but Toby wouldn't have it. Instead he jumped off of the bed and turned his back on me. I watched him for a moment and it looked to me like he was trying not to cry again because he kept his back completely rigid and was bouncing his balled fists against his thighs almost angrily.

"Toby you aren't a freak or a weirdo. You are a handsome, funny, intelligent young man… And you're a damn fine ball player to name a few things, but you most definitely are not any of those names that she called you," I finally said when it became abundantly clear that he had no intention of breaking the silence that was hanging heavily between us.

He whipped around in his spot and I braced myself for another tongue lashing, but instead he just sighed then dejectedly stated, "You have to say nice things like that because you're family and not because you really believe them."

He sounded so sure of his words that they hit me as if they were a physical blow to the gut. I don't know what reaction he had expected to get out of me, but he looked genuinely shocked he noticed tears forming in my eyes. This time it was my turn to twist my body around so that he couldn't see my face while I tried my best not to start crying.

Once I felt that I could speak clearly through the tears I couldn't stop, I said with my back still facing him, "No Toby you're wrong. In my experience it's family that can usually come up with the ugliest insults that you'll ever hear. They don't always say nice things just to try to comfort you."

The meaning behind my confession must have finally gotten through to him because the next thing I heard Toby say was a remorseful, "Addy, I'm so sorry. I didn't…"

"It's fine Toby," I interrupted as I turned to face him again with my face and emotions now under control. "What happened to me isn't your fault… But it doesn't change the fact that I really want to help you get through whatever this is right now. So why would she call you such a horrible name if the two of you had gotten so close? I mean why be so hurtful to the person you were dating?"

"Because I am," he retorted with a tone of absolute certainty.

I opened my mouth to protest, but I was easily silenced by the defiant glare on Toby's face. I threw my hands up in defeat then said, "Fine have it your way. So what did you do to her to prove to both of you that you are in fact a freak?"

His eyes flew open in wide-eyed disbelief as he gasped out a quiet, "What?"

I reclined comfortably on his bed then smugly replied, "Well obviously you had to have done something to her to finally make her snap and call you that, so…? What was it? Did you hurt her? Maybe smack her around a little bit to show her who's boss?"

"No," he said over and over somewhat frantically. "I would never do anything to hurt her… At least not on purpose. You know that I would never lay a hand on her in anger like… THAT Addy!" I knew his 'THAT' was in reference to what Sydney had done to me, but I couldn't let up on him… Not quite yet.

I scoffed softly and managed to sound disgusted even though all I really wanted to do was to hug Toby and comfort him while I replied, "Yeah… Right…"

"I swear I didn't Addy," he said with more conviction as he sat down on the bed and my held one of my hands. I remained silent so he pressed my hand against his chest and more desperately pleaded, "You have to believe me Addy. I would never lay a hand on any woman in anger… Heck I haven't even been in a fight since mom was in the hospital that one time. Please Addy you HAVE to believe me, please!"

Hearing the genuine sorrow and concern in Toby's tone broke my heart and it forced me to drop my snide façade immediately. I cupped his cheek with my free hand then replied in a voice thick with tears, "I know that you wouldn't Buddy. You're just too kind-hearted to do something so horrible, but I know something did happen, so would you please tell me about it? Please?"

He closed his eyes then dropped my hand while he silently contemplated my question. I pulled my other hand away from his face slowly, letting my fingertips ling on his jaw line slightly. Whatever happemed was probably recent because I could tell that the wounds she inflicted on him emotionally seemed so fresh and gaping.

With his eyes still squeezed tightly shut, Toby nodded once quickly before he stood up from the bed. Once his feet were on the ground he started pacing while he explained, "We went on a few dates, Heather and me and she… She was my girlfriend. Sorry I didn't tell you about that sooner, but I didn't want to rub your face in my relationship since you and Dean broke up again, so… Well… Anyways… I don't think she'll want to go out with me anymore." He paused there and took a deep breath before resuming his pacing once again. "So her parents went out of town and she invited me over to… Uhh… Hang out…"

 _OH SHIT!_ I thought in a mild panic. I was thrilled that he was finally confiding in me once again, but this most definitely was not what I was expecting to hear from him at this stage in his life. Granted I hadn't been much older than him the first time that I had sex with Dean and I'm sure Dean had lost his virginity long before his sixteenth birthday, but I still wasn't ready to hear Toby tell me about his first sexual encounter. In all honesty I wasn't ready for him not to be a little boy that followed me around in blind loyalty any more, no matter how often I had treated him like the man he had started to become without my noticing or acknowledging it.

My shock and distress must have been displayed plainly on my face because Toby froze in his spot and quickly exclaimed, "Oh God Addy! I didn't mean THAT! She invited me over to watch a movie and that turned into us making out on her couch, but that's as far as it went, I swear!"

I exhaled the breath that I had been holding, "Okay well that's good to hear, but Tobs…"

He groaned loudly then sat beside me again on the bed. He held his head with both hands while his elbows rested on his knees as he quietly pleaded, "Please don't start a safe sex lecture. It was awkward enough when dad sat me down for the 'man to man' talk." He then raised his head and smiled crookedly as he continued, "I want to make it to the Show one day and the number one way for me to screw up that dream would be to get a girl pregnant and I don't plan on doing that anytime soon, okay?"

I stroked the side of his head saying, "Okay. But an unplanned family isn't the primary way to ruin your baseball career…" He gave me a questioning look and I couldn't help but chuckle before finishing, "A stupid injury would probably be a bigger road block for you and that could happen a hundred different ways."

He let out a tension easing laugh just like I had hoped that he would. "Yeah that's probably true."

I let my hand fall away from his face as I said, "But you were say that the two of you were 'hanging out' at her house… What happened next?"

"Right…" He stood up again and started pacing as he picked up his narrative once again. "So we ended up on her couch and were… Umm… You know kissing and stuff when I started hearing weird noises. She didn't seem to notice it so I tried my best to ignore it too and tried to just focus on her… Then after a while things got a little… Uhh… More heated between us, but before either of us could try to… Umm… Try to… Uhh… Make the next move… To take it to the next step, something flew off the shelf of the entertainment center and it hit the couch's side."

He stopped there to monitor my reaction and seemed to relax when he noticed that I looked pensive. "So it was just the two of you in the house and something threw an object at you? Did you feel a drop in temperature in the room? Has Heather experienced something like that before? Did you see any weird shadows? See any flickering lights? Fell any sudden gusts of wind?"

Toby smiled cheekily and said, "Now who's asking a million questions all at once?"

I hadn't realized that I had used Toby's typical rapid fire style of blurting out questions, so I blushed saying, "Okay so I've been prone to do that too when I don't want to forget to ask one of my questions. You got me and now you know my dirty little secret. But they all still stand true Tobs…"

"Yeah, I know," he replied sitting down beside me once again. "And no there was no change in temperature or atmosphere in the room at all. Other than the DVD case flying off the shelf nothing else out of place happened. When I asked Heather about it she just shrugged then sat up and started watching the movie again as if nothing had happened."

I listened intently but couldn't help but speak up when Toby grimaced at the end of his statement. "But you didn't let her ignore your questions, right? There's no way you would just leave it at that, right Buddy?"

"No you're right; I couldn't leave well enough alone. Instead I started hounding her with questions about the history of the house and about any other experiences she might have had there," he responded sounding like he was somewhat repulsed by what he was saying.

I placed my hand over his and gave it a squeeze asking, "When you say 'hounding her with questions' those are her words, not yours right?"

Toby nodded then replied just over a whisper, "Yeah. She wouldn't say anything for the longest time and then she finally snapped and started yelling at me about why couldn't I just leave it alone…? Why was I asking her so many weird questions…? When she finally stopped yelling to take a breath I jumped in saying that the questions might seem weird and out of place but I needed to know all of that information so that I could figure out what kind of spirit it was that was haunting her house so that I could vanquish it for her… I told her that I was a hunter and that I could fix everything for her… God I was so stupid… I should have just kept my mouth shut."

"Toby… Wanting to do anything in your power to keep someone you care about safe isn't stupid. Actually it's really quite noble and brave," I stated with calm certainty in an effort to comfort him.

"Yeah well I don't think she saw it the same way that you do because when I told her I knew the truth about abnormal stuff like ghosts she got even madder. She wouldn't let me touch her or even get close to her again. And when I said the word 'hunter'… Oh man Addy you should have seen the look on her face…" He paused then swallowed thickly before adding, "That's when she completely blew up and called me a freak while she pushed me out of her house. I think something else flew across the room while she was yelling… I don't know but… Well… Either way I don't even remember the walk home afterwards so…"

"Oh Toby… Buddy I'm so sorry… Wait! Did you say something else threw itself across the room?" I questioned while I stared at him feeling slightly dumbfounded.

"Yeah I did. She was screaming at me and then a book hit the wall behind her while she pushed me towards the front door. And before you ask, so she didn't seem to notice it… Heck she didn't even jump, but I know I did."

"Huh… Really?" I said while getting lost in my own thoughts.

"Yeah really," Toby answered suspiciously. He then grabbed my upper arm and shook me gently in an attempt to get me to focus on him again. "Addy…? Addy? You've thought of something, haven't you? What is it?"

"Huh? OH… Uhh… Sorry… Sorry Toby, but yeah I think I might have…" I turned to face him while I tried to think of the right words to use to explain my theory to him. He looked vaguely frightened, so I leaned over to kiss his cheek and then we held each other's hands on the small space on the bed that remained between us. "Buddy I don't think that it was a spirit… I think that it was Heather that threw the things around the room… But I don't think that she meant to do it."

Toby scowled softly in thought and then asked, "You mean that she did it subconsciously…? That she's like telekinetic or something?"

"More like psychokinetic," I corrected gently as I stroked the back of his hand with my fingertips. "But yeah… You remember that story I told you about the psychic Dean and Sam met before they killed the demon, right? You know the guy that they tried to help in Michigan?"

Toby didn't move anything but the muscles in his face while he tried to evoke memories of that tale. Once the details of that story came back to him he said, "Yeah. He was abused by his dad and uncle so he killed them by using his psychic power, right?"

"That's it exactly," I confirmed trying not to sound happy. "And from everything I've ever read about abilities like this, they can easily manifest themselves when the psychic is under emotional distress. In a lot of cases the abilities first present themselves during adolescence and some of the theories say that it's because of the changes in the body's hormones that transform us from children into adults."

He listened intently then nodded and asked, "Okay I think I understand all of that, but…? Umm… Why would it have happened when we were…? Uhh…" Toby's cheeks blazed brightly in a newer, darker hue of pink as he trailed off and finally fell into an embarrassed silence.

I brushed his cheek with the backs of my fingers to get him to look at me before I asked, "Truth?"

Toby actually took a moment to ponder the possible ramifications of my question before he nodded and answered, "It's going to suck I'm sure, but I've begged you not to hold back on me before when it came to a job, so why should this be any different, right?"

We both chuckled uncomfortably and then we laughed sounding more at ease. "Tobs it's always different when it's personal, so don't feel like you have to be stoic and numb when it's yourself stuck in the middle of the storm, okay?"

"Alright," he answered before raising a challenging eyebrow. The look on his face reminded me so much of Dean that I had to force myself not to react to it. "But if it was you Addy? Would you shy away from hearing the brutally honest, awful truth?"

I sighed and shook my head replying, "No, I've never been good at backing down from a challenge and… The people I've loved have always been too good at forcing me to not to lie to myself." Toby smiled softly and I inhaled sharply in preparation for my impending explanation. "Okay so my theory is that when you and Heather were… On the couch together that she was afraid of where it was leading, so that's why the DVD case hit the couch. It forced you two to stop so things wouldn't progress any further from there. As for the book… Well rage is an emotion that makes us all lose control. I don't think that she meant for either object to actually hit you, or her, but then again I don't believe that she was really thinking straight either, so she couldn't really control anything that happened."

"Wow… Yeah that all actually makes sense, but…" He shrunk back in his spot before he managed to get his question out. "Why would she call me a freak when really…? I… I didn't mean… But…"

He started to physically withdraw himself away from me even further than he had before, so I pulled him into a hug. While I held him tightly against my torso I answered, "She was yelling at herself and you were just a convenient scapegoat to help her deflect from facing reality."

"What? I… I have no idea what that means."

"Oh no?" I questioned with the slightest hint of sarcasm. He moved out of my embrace scowling in frustration which almost made me laugh. I managed somehow not to do that, but I couldn't help but raise a defiant eyebrow before saying, "Because that isn't anything like what you've been doing with your mother at all… It's absolutely nothing like you picking fights with Maureen to deflect attention from the fact that you had been deeply wounded and by whom? Right?"

When I finished my questions Toby's face crumbled completely, but he waited until he had his face buried in his hands before he let the first tears fall with a loud sob. I watched him cry in stunned disbelief for a moment and then I felt incredibly guilty. Toby always acted so mature and adult that I sometimes forgot that he was actually still just a teenage boy that was still being molded into the man that he would eventually become as opposed to the hardened cynic I sometimes mistook him for when we were together.

I reached out a hand to try to comfort him but stopped myself just short of touching him when I heard him tearfully say, "You're right! I suck! I've done nothing but treat mom like shit…" His head shot up before he quickly added, "I meant to say 'crap'! I've treated her like CRAP! Please don't tell her that I swore, please! Although I've been such a jerk to her that it probably won't even matter because I'm sure she hates me now. Nothing either of us can say anything to make her love me again, not like before…"

"Toby… Oh my goodness… Buddy," I answered stumbling over my words as I gave into my urge to hug him. "Maureen isn't capable of hatred… Especially not when it comes to you. She loves you more than anything on this planet, which is why she's been so worried sick about you and whatever has been eating away at you. She loves you Toby… She adores you… You are a piece of her heart and don't you dare start to doubt that Tobs."

He continued to cry as he asked, "That's why she asked you over to help, right?"

I chuckled softly before I lowered my cheek to the top of his head as I replied, "No I was having a REALLY bad day so I came here to try to remedy it… But then I walked into the latest installment of Connor versus Connor and yeah after that… Yes your mother did recruit me to try to find out why her son was acting like he had been possessed by a demon or something, but thankfully no exorcisms seem to be in order… Just yet."

"Why…? Oh God! I'm the worst son ever!" Toby exclaimed mournfully into my neck. "Why should she ever forgive me? I suck worse than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders!"

I squeezed him in my arms and replied after a chuckle at his obscure baseball reference, "It's because she loves you." I pushed him back out of my hold then winked, cheekily adding, "Plus I would be more than happy to play the role of advocate on your behalf to try to smooth things over with Mo any day because I have had practice with things like this."

Toby let himself slump against my chest as he tiredly replied, "There's no one else I could ever hope to have plead my case with mom than you… Not even dad. Thanks Addy."

I hugged him against my chest again then replied, "That's good to hear. Now as for your apology to your mom…"

"I think I have an idea," he replied hugging me tightly in his arms. He then whispered wheat he had come up with and it was all I could do not to burst into tears of joy at hearing his idea unfold because I was so proud of him.

When he had finished speaking I held Toby's cheeks in both hands to peck him on the lips before saying, "That sounds more than perfect to me. Why don't I head out there and talk with Mo and have her come in here to talk things out with you?"

Toby looked beyond stunned for a moment then he nodded quickly while quietly replying, "Yes… Please? I think I'm ready to come clean with her and… And to apologize for being such a jerk to her."

I kissed the side of his head and then I got up and walked out of his room. Once his bedroom door was closed behind me, I rested my forehead against it in an effort to calm myself down. Had Toby and I really gone through that much angst without either of us resorting to physical violence? Not that I'm saying that he's a product of biology but my Toby…

"Adelaide?" Maureen called out softly at the sound of my closing his door.

"Yeah Mo," I called out to give myself a moment to straighten out my face before I faced her. "I think I got through to Toby and your son is finally ready to talk to you about what's eating at him."

As soon as I had my car parked at the back of my house I heard my phone ringing so I scooped it up and almost didn't answer it when I saw the name on my caller ID because I had absolutely no idea how I would control this phone call. I had still been out hunting so I still felt like me, but I wasn't an active member of their crew so why was HE calling me? That question of course pique my curiosity beyond belief and I couldn't help but find out what it was about so I knew that I would answer his call no matter how much I had tried to convince myself otherwise.

It took all that I had in me to keep my tone of voice even and neutral as I answered, "Hey Sam… How ya going?"

" _Hey Addy…"_ he replied with a nervous edge to his voice. _"I know that I promised not to bother you again unless it was the actual end of the world or something, but… Well with Bobby AND Frank gone… I honestly didn't know who else to call."_

Sam paused there and I almost called him out on the apparent low blow by using Bobby's name since our last falling out had to do with the Winchesters not telling me that Bobby's spirit had been haunting them. I then took a deep breath and I somehow managed to sound incensed as I asked, "Oh yeah? So what's the apocalyptical problem you need my help with today Sam?"

I was tired from my heart to heart with Toby and that kept me from feeling guilty about being so short with Sam right now. Sam took in a deep breath before he let out a loud sigh then answered, _"It's Dean… He's… Gone."_

"Really Sam?" I retorted with a fairly spiteful laugh. "THAT'S the best you could come up with? Did you try looking…"

" _We got the last of the ingredients for the Leviathan weapon… And then Dean… He disappeared after he killed Dick,"_ Sam quickly interrupted over the rest of my ugly words.

I scowled at the night sky outside of my windshield while I remained seated behind the wheel of my GTO before I finally asked in a much more civil tone, "'Disappeared' like how?"

" _Like one second Dean was there and after I blinked he was gone… Same with Cas… And I honestly have no idea where they could have gone. I waited around a bit for Cas to zap them back but they're just gone. I… I just really need someone's help to find him… Them. Please Addy? You're the only person I could think of to help me. Well Toby came to mind too but I knew he wouldn't be on board with this unless you were. So…?"_

Sam sounded so sad that I couldn't help but crumble under the weight of his words and then I suddenly heard myself saying, "Sure Sammy… Sure, I'll help you as much as I can. But you were there and I wasn't so I don't really know what good I can do right now." I paused there when I heard bitterness slipping into my tone and I tiredly added, "Look I just got home from a really shitty… Job… But if you're certain that Toby and I are the best people to help you… Well then why don't you come to my house and then we can figure the rest out from there?"

" _Okay,"_ Sam responded sounding somewhat non-committal. _"Okay… Sure… That's a plan."_

We hung up without saying anything else and then I tucked my phone into my pocket while I tried to regroup mentally. I stayed in my car for a few minutes without actually being able to focus on any one single train of thought except that I wanted to run away from here again. But since I had promised Sam that I would help, I forced myself to go into my house and not to run like the coward I felt like I was being.

Even if I couldn't help to figure out where Sam's brother was right now, the least I could off him was a comfortable place to wait out this latest Winchester drama. But at the end of the day, setting up the guest bedroom for Sam could turn out to be a good distraction so that I wouldn't allow myself to obsess and worry about Dean's whereabouts just yet. Yes his dishonesty had angered me, but I never would have wished him dead or worse. He had just vanished from what Sam had said, but without knowing all of the ingredients the Winchesters had used to make the Dick Roman killing weapon or what happened when the Leviathan died, I had no starting point to work from so I was glad to have the distraction, no matter how flimsy it was right now.

After I had the guest room set up, I found myself sitting in my living room with a tumbler of scotch in my hand. I didn't remember pouring it and I just ended up staring at it dumbly for a while. I felt completely numb and I realized it was because I was afraid to see Sam again. Seeing him in person meant that I was willingly letting the Winchesters back into my life and everything always seemed to be so complicated when we were all together. But was complicated really such a bad thing? Would I rather lead a boring life without them in it?

Maybe if I had the answers to those questions I wouldn't feel so on edge all the time. Maybe I wouldn't feel like my life was spiraling out of control.

**END**


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